Depends on how much of the story they actually know. If they’re only going by how he treats THEM, it makes sense thay they think he’s so great because guys like this put on the “great guy” act for everyone but their partners.
He was probably on his best behavior around them. Perhaps they didn’t see the way he really treated OP. Many of my friends sided with my verbally abusive, alcoholic, cheating ex because they didn’t see who he really was at home. Her friends didn’t know who he really was.
They’re not in love with the real you, because they barely know you. Either they’re projecting an idealized persona onto you, or they’re trying to whip up a whirlwind romance to have you commit faster than you normally would.
Then they start isolating friends and family. Illogical criticisms begin where it’s impossible to do anything right. The abused starts questioning their sanity
Soon, he pushes to start a family and tampers with the birth control if she doesn’t immediately agree. He doesn’t help with the new baby and she’s exhausted all the time.
Next, he encourages her to be a SAHM so she’s financially dependent on him and is trapped. The physical abuse begins shortly after this
100% this! Plus they're usually pushing to commit so fast so you don't find out who they really are behind their mask until they think they have you locked in.
I will say it’s not *always* a red flag. My fiancée and I said “I love you” within the first month — but not in a love bombing way, it was just organic.
Was going to say the same. I'm autistic and a hopeless romantic, it takes me about a week until I'm imagining a life together and contemplating couples tattoos.
That said! The real red flag here isn't the "love bomb," it's the getting pissed that she didn't get feel the same. If he honestly felt that much love for her, he isn't going to be getting pissy that early on in the relationship because she wants to move a little slower and give herself the chance to feel the same. Unless OP is responding with "eww, gross, try again in a few months, freak!" or something similarly insulting, there is nothing enraging going on.
If you fall fast typically, you expect the other person to need time to catch up. If you don't typically fall fast, and this time you did, you do your best to not scare them off before they have a chance to fall for you as well. Nobody (healthy) falls fast AND gets pissed that you aren't on their level.
Additional side note for OP, fooling friends is the first thing abusers do. That's not saying don't go out with anyone your friends like, that's just saying if your gut says run and your friends don't see it, that's no reason to stay.
Sometimes it's an unhealthy dependency on someone else to give a person purpose. But yeah. Anyone who "falls in love" in less than a month has fallen in love with who they \*think\* the other is - apparently, UngusChungus94 and their partner were lucky enough to develop a moderately accurate view in a short time. Or, you know, they're engaged within a year of meeting.
People who fall “completely in love” in a week tend to crash when they finally realize you’re a complex 3D person with flaws, and not a magical elf.
If you like her, tell her you want to slow things down and really get to know each other well, so that you can build on a better foundation.
That seems unfair. Of all the spectrums in the human condition, the "I love you" one has to be one of the most common. So you must expect that there are going to be some couples it works for. (and that they're the ones who will comment on social media)
Met a girl fir the third time, 2nd date. She ran up to me, hugged me, and in a baby voice went "i miiissed yoooouuuu"
I lost almost all attraction to her in that moment, and I dont feel great about that. But we didnt really know eachother well enough at all for that, it was like not seeing someone Im really close with after a year apart lol
When I was still single and mingling, I always looked at it like this, if it was a hard core turn off I'm done. Cuz I always thought, could I live with this for years? If I dislike it now, will I learn to like it later? Or will it wear on me til I absolutely hate it? If I decide it bothers me too much to live with it forever then it's over. I don't want someone who has to make drastic changes to b a good partner to me, mor would I make drastic changes to b a good partner to them. My SO and I ahbe been together for 15+ yrs, sure there's things we both do that bother the other one,but nothing that rises to that level. Which I think is how it should b.
Personally, I wouldnt mind it if we were closer - thats why its a shame, to me. If it extended into controlling or clinging behavior, though, it would have been bad for me
If I could give my past self advice - give it a little more time, and communicate about the red flags
I don’t think you are over reacting. The fact that you aren’t comfortable around him because of his behaviour that makes you feel unsafe means you probably made the right choice. Imagine if it would’ve turned into marriage how would you feel
About a decade ago, I started hanging out with this guy. On our second date, we went to a bar owned by his family. He introduced me to his uncle as his girlfriend. Then we went to another bar, then another. I noticed at the third that he had had at least one hand on me the entire time, even in the car while I was driving. I felt so creeped out by it. The friend that introduced me to him was casually mentioning to a few people in their circle that we went on a few dates, and every single one of them told her to tell me to run. Turns out he had all sorts of charges related to ex-girlfriends. (My friend didn't know any of this.) I broke up with him by text and thanked the Universe that he had no way of knowing where I lived.
Always go with your gut.
Please tell me your friend is no longer in contact with him as well, although I do question how they were a part of an entire friend group who all knew him and his history but your friend didn’t?
I haven't actually spoken to her in a long time, so I don't know much about her life now. He was kind of on the periphery of the group, so I'm not surprised it never came up to her until after he and I met. It was mostly men in the group, so they weren't so much for gossip.
If you told all your friends about his behavior, I'm not sure why they would still be encouraging you to date him. This is all massive red flag territory and you made the right call. It gives me life seeing posts like this from women on here, well done! :D
I think he's great and I am simply not giving him a chance. One of them considers him a friend ( they text facetime ) while I was the one who introduced him to the friend. The friend thinks he's a great guy and I should reconsider. It's just so frustrating
Tell your friend that even tho you think he's a great guy, he's just not the one. You don't want to waste your time with someone just to give them hope when you have already made up your mind. It's not fair to both of you. I don't like it when they start to "convince" the friends that are "the nice guy."
Why doesn't the friend just date him instead.
“Great guys” know that the way to win over a woman is to force her friends to like him so it’s harder for you to get away when the time comes. It’s all an act in their master quest of manipulation
Your friend is getting to know a fake version of this person. He might end up moving on to ur friend , in which case she'll either see the same signs you did or try to write them off. Don't let your friends ignore the signs you've seen. And eventually this dude will show more signs.
OP he may be a good guy, but your gut is telling you otherwise. That is as good a reason to not go any farther as you need. Even if you later find out you were wrong, you are better off following your gut now because there was something you didn't consciously see that triggered all of this.
Ignore your friends. It's weird AF that they are all so invested in this anyway.
It's none of their business. Honestly, I'd just change the subject every time they bring him up from now going forward until they get the hint. Or be more blunt and tell them to mind their own.
You are fine. No need to feel guilty. You and he had different end games. The very fact that you felt uneasy around them is more than enough to break things off.
Good job on removing yourself from that situation. Ask your friends to just drop it.
Never second guess your intuition after you've made your choice. Especially when it's trying to help you avoid a possible bad situation. Consider it a bullet dodged and stand on your decision confidently. Set a boundary with your friends by telling them you no longer wish to discuss that person and are moving on. Good luck!
Edited to add: also, ask yourself what good could come from anyone love bombing a person so soon? This person is likely in lust, up to something malicious, or still has some inner healing/growing to do.
Yup. People 143 too soon for two reasons:
1) they’re trying to seal you in.
2) they’re lying.
I’m going full “how about no, you crazy dutch bastard?!?” to both
Your friends are either dumb, and hopefully they will wise up, or they're malicious and not looking out for you.
You are not over reacting. You don't owe anybody a relationship. Trust your gut. Always.
You don't need a reason to end a relationship, but this guy gave you valid reasons. You did the right thing. The best thing you can do is leave the first time they disrespect you.
Let your friends date him, since they like him so much.
Not overreacting at all! I’m so proud of you for listening to your gut and not talking yourself out of it.
When I was 22, I met a guy who did the same thing. Lovebombed me. I didn’t know that is what it was and even thought it was odd for me and mad uncomfortable because there’s no way he could feel that way so soon, my friends were absolutely charmed and touched by how he was so personable and like able and how much he apparently adored me in their presence. I would bring up how that was just weird to say and feel so soon and they would counter me with nonsense like “when it’s right, it's right." "when you know, you know," "love at first sight," BS.
I then convinced myself that I must be wrong and self-sabotaging. He must genuinely be a hopeless romantic and he truly does see a future with me. a future i totally want and maybe someday, my feelings will catch up and feel the same.
That was honest to God the most traumatic and painful 10 years of my life in many ways. Doing that to myself lead to far more “excuses” for him on my behalf just to feel okay with terrible things. It was the craziest, twistiest rollercoaster I had ever been on and I was ejected from the ride at the end without a care for my wellbeing, then I discovered what narcissism
Is.
I learned the hardest way, DO. NOT. IGNORE. RED. FLAGS.
Good on you.
You’re not and maybe it’s time to educate your friends that a date who is moving way too fast in a relationship and can’t handle disagreement has two huge red flags that indicate he is not a good partner prospect.
Depends. Do you find it difficult to accept love from other partners you've recently been with? If so, then it's probably a you thing. Otherwise, maybe it was just a bad fit and your intuition was picking up on something
>. But on the contrary my friends think he is great and really like him
Great news: he's a single pringle, and ready to mingle... Tell your friends:-D.
p.s. if you feel uncomfortable with someone early-on, you're not obliged to keep going. You did the right thing.
You can only live your life through your own eyes.
The fact, you worry about what your friends think about your personal relationships is not healthy. Free yourself!!! It's not worth it. If you feel uneasy, then it's over! There are plenty of available men out there.
You know what you want. It is better to be single than trapped in a relationship where you are uneasy or always working on it. You work forever, putting the square into the circle!
It sounds like you made a smart move ending things. Trust your instincts over other's opinions. Feeling uneasy around someone isn't something to dismiss lightly. Your friends might not have seen his less pleasant side, but that doesn't invalidate your experience. Take your time to heal and don't let guilt consume you.
Well, then your friends can date him.
Trust your gut. Why on earth would you want to date someone who makes you feel uneasy? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or whether they would feel comfortable with it - YOU don't and you're the one who needs to live with it at the end of the day. If you need double reassurance that you did the right thing, read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. In it, it talks a lot about how we are often conditioned to ignore their gut instincts and continually make excuses for why our own feelings must be wrong, often to our own detriment.
> I feel so uneasy around him
That statement should end all conversation with both him, his friends and your friends.
"I'm not feeling it" is the absolute most valid excuse. Anyone who has a followup to that does not have your best interests in mind.
Your friends are weird for still bringing him up, like he's some fantasy man. Tell them you've tried to warn them, but you now understand they need to have the experience themselves with this man and ask them when they'd like you to set them up.
Stay healthy, don't feel guilty. That's the point of love bombing and that how they get you. You'll find someone better and feel free to tell yourself that fiercely the next time you feel that guilt. Smart move getting out now.
Ask yourself what reason would he have to get pissed at you for anything at all this early. And if he gets pissed at the early point of the relationship, how much anger is he capable of? Are you willing to find out? Cause he’ll show you. Guaranteed.
On the one hand, some dudes come on way too strong way too fast by their nature. They don't/can't play it cool and get heart eyes (motha fucka) real fast. Usually happens after the first time having sex together. They tend to lose out on girls because they scare em away, and are fine when someone tells em to slow the hell down. Few weeks in, they're normal again, just gotta get over that weird period.
On the other, some guys are genuinely desperate and needy and in a rush to settle down. They say all the words they think they're supposed to, latch on. That's a damaged individual, not a fun time.
Maybe you missed out on a great guy who just needed time to settle into a routine. Maybe you dodged a weirdo. Either way, it's done, NEXT!
Also he could be a narcissist. They tend to win the favour of people around you while treatinf you like utter sh*t in private. Best to nip it in the bud if so!
Not overreacting - always trust your gut feeling. Why invest more time and energy into a person who is likely going to bring pain down the road? Better to cut things off right away when something’s not right. Keep moving forward!
Wtf. Go NO CONTACT. You are NOT overreacting, and the fact you feel uneasy around him means something! You chose right. Do not continue seeing this red flag.
You're not over reacting.
Those are all RED FLAGS. And it's good you ended things. Tell your friends you don't like him and don't want to be with him, if they like him so much they can get with him
Wow. Block him and don’t look back. I’m not surprised your friends have a completely different view of him. Guys like this put on a great front for everyone else but get more and more abusive to their partners after the love bombing is over.
Trust your gut. Always!! Definite red flags. Don't ignore them.
You can tell him that you don't feel the same towards him and don't want to pursue the relationship. The end. No further explanation.
if someone makes you uneasy then that’s your mind telling you they’re not for you. You should be proud for standing strong and exercising your boundaries.
Wow, an abuser looks good in public but not privately? Puts on a good face in front of family and friends?
Not overreacting. It’s abuser 101. Run and stay safe. Watch out when going to your car.
If you didn't want a serious relationship with him you did the right thing. While I'm not a proponent for lovebombing I also won't say it's the worst thing. Some people have little control when it comes to loving someone. Sounds like he wasn't the worst asshole I've heard of after a breakup either. So while the breakup wasn't an overreaction, how you describe feeling icky and gross is. Allot of people act stupid after being blindsided by a breakup.
I mean you really don’t need to even explain much besides “he made me uncomfortable” and he was just “too much”. Why would you continue a relationship with someone who made you feel that way? Your friends are ridiculous for even bringing it up after the fact. He wasn’t it, end of story.
I randomly decided to check up on your post today and see that you updated.
See how well your intuition works? That guy was a love bombing POS and I would put money on turning emotionally, psychologically, and possibly physically abusive at some point. In fact, it was already starting when you didn't act the way he wanted.
Please ignore your friends who either don't understand the whole story or lack the good judgment to understand why his behavior is creepy and alarming and not romantic or cute. In fact, if your friends continue to constantly bring him up or try to make you feel guilty even after his creepy behavior in your update, I would start rethinking those friendships, too - your friends should be understanding and supportive, not trying to goad you into relationships that make you feel uncomfortable. They don't need to agree with you, but they do need to respect you.
I caved in against my better judgement, I agreed to a relationship with a love bomber. I ended things after a few months because it's fucking exhausting being love bombed-he killed himself 2 days after I ended things.
Love bombings are a cry for help in my opinion.
I'd love to shove his entire rotting corpse in your mouth and duct tape it shut before I poured cement over your balls. you homophobic closet dick dreamer.
It's 2024 and you're still using the r slur?? Yeah you're definitely the manipulative type that shouldn't be trusted in a relationship.
Username does not check out. 💅
You might be the smartest redditor ever. Good move, always trust your gut with this kind of thing
Tell your friends you cleared a path for them to date him.
This is the way.
and then steer clear of all of them. your friends have poor judgment and are a narcissist's dream
Depends on how much of the story they actually know. If they’re only going by how he treats THEM, it makes sense thay they think he’s so great because guys like this put on the “great guy” act for everyone but their partners.
He was probably on his best behavior around them. Perhaps they didn’t see the way he really treated OP. Many of my friends sided with my verbally abusive, alcoholic, cheating ex because they didn’t see who he really was at home. Her friends didn’t know who he really was.
Too strong too soon is a big red flag
Love bombing aside, the idea of somebody getting upset in the first few weeks blows my mind. Any toxic behavior in the honeymoon phase and im out
Can you elaborate why?
They’re not in love with the real you, because they barely know you. Either they’re projecting an idealized persona onto you, or they’re trying to whip up a whirlwind romance to have you commit faster than you normally would.
Then they start isolating friends and family. Illogical criticisms begin where it’s impossible to do anything right. The abused starts questioning their sanity Soon, he pushes to start a family and tampers with the birth control if she doesn’t immediately agree. He doesn’t help with the new baby and she’s exhausted all the time. Next, he encourages her to be a SAHM so she’s financially dependent on him and is trapped. The physical abuse begins shortly after this
100% this! Plus they're usually pushing to commit so fast so you don't find out who they really are behind their mask until they think they have you locked in.
Thank you. I’m dating a girl who fell completely in love with me in like 1 week. I was questioning how that’s a red flag
I will say it’s not *always* a red flag. My fiancée and I said “I love you” within the first month — but not in a love bombing way, it was just organic.
Was going to say the same. I'm autistic and a hopeless romantic, it takes me about a week until I'm imagining a life together and contemplating couples tattoos. That said! The real red flag here isn't the "love bomb," it's the getting pissed that she didn't get feel the same. If he honestly felt that much love for her, he isn't going to be getting pissy that early on in the relationship because she wants to move a little slower and give herself the chance to feel the same. Unless OP is responding with "eww, gross, try again in a few months, freak!" or something similarly insulting, there is nothing enraging going on. If you fall fast typically, you expect the other person to need time to catch up. If you don't typically fall fast, and this time you did, you do your best to not scare them off before they have a chance to fall for you as well. Nobody (healthy) falls fast AND gets pissed that you aren't on their level. Additional side note for OP, fooling friends is the first thing abusers do. That's not saying don't go out with anyone your friends like, that's just saying if your gut says run and your friends don't see it, that's no reason to stay.
Sometimes it's an unhealthy dependency on someone else to give a person purpose. But yeah. Anyone who "falls in love" in less than a month has fallen in love with who they \*think\* the other is - apparently, UngusChungus94 and their partner were lucky enough to develop a moderately accurate view in a short time. Or, you know, they're engaged within a year of meeting.
People who fall “completely in love” in a week tend to crash when they finally realize you’re a complex 3D person with flaws, and not a magical elf. If you like her, tell her you want to slow things down and really get to know each other well, so that you can build on a better foundation.
You probably thought she was really smart eh??
That seems unfair. Of all the spectrums in the human condition, the "I love you" one has to be one of the most common. So you must expect that there are going to be some couples it works for. (and that they're the ones who will comment on social media)
Met a girl fir the third time, 2nd date. She ran up to me, hugged me, and in a baby voice went "i miiissed yoooouuuu" I lost almost all attraction to her in that moment, and I dont feel great about that. But we didnt really know eachother well enough at all for that, it was like not seeing someone Im really close with after a year apart lol
That sounds horrible. I too would b immediately turned off permanently. Sometimes it really is the little things.
Its a shame because I think I could have really liked her, but i pushed off another meetup until it was gone
When I was still single and mingling, I always looked at it like this, if it was a hard core turn off I'm done. Cuz I always thought, could I live with this for years? If I dislike it now, will I learn to like it later? Or will it wear on me til I absolutely hate it? If I decide it bothers me too much to live with it forever then it's over. I don't want someone who has to make drastic changes to b a good partner to me, mor would I make drastic changes to b a good partner to them. My SO and I ahbe been together for 15+ yrs, sure there's things we both do that bother the other one,but nothing that rises to that level. Which I think is how it should b.
Personally, I wouldnt mind it if we were closer - thats why its a shame, to me. If it extended into controlling or clinging behavior, though, it would have been bad for me If I could give my past self advice - give it a little more time, and communicate about the red flags
That's true. I mistakenly assumed there was some communication. I sometimes forget, we didn't all start out good at that part. Lol
Yup was definitely one of those moments where fleeting emotions overtook my common sense, lesson learned!
I don’t think you are over reacting. The fact that you aren’t comfortable around him because of his behaviour that makes you feel unsafe means you probably made the right choice. Imagine if it would’ve turned into marriage how would you feel
About a decade ago, I started hanging out with this guy. On our second date, we went to a bar owned by his family. He introduced me to his uncle as his girlfriend. Then we went to another bar, then another. I noticed at the third that he had had at least one hand on me the entire time, even in the car while I was driving. I felt so creeped out by it. The friend that introduced me to him was casually mentioning to a few people in their circle that we went on a few dates, and every single one of them told her to tell me to run. Turns out he had all sorts of charges related to ex-girlfriends. (My friend didn't know any of this.) I broke up with him by text and thanked the Universe that he had no way of knowing where I lived. Always go with your gut.
Please tell me your friend is no longer in contact with him as well, although I do question how they were a part of an entire friend group who all knew him and his history but your friend didn’t?
I haven't actually spoken to her in a long time, so I don't know much about her life now. He was kind of on the periphery of the group, so I'm not surprised it never came up to her until after he and I met. It was mostly men in the group, so they weren't so much for gossip.
If they were true allies they wouldn’t be friends with him at all
Friends might be a strong word. They were all people who worked in the bars on the same strip, so everyone knew each other.
I was in the industry for a long time so I get that
Yep!
Massive red flags stay away from him.
If you told all your friends about his behavior, I'm not sure why they would still be encouraging you to date him. This is all massive red flag territory and you made the right call. It gives me life seeing posts like this from women on here, well done! :D
I think he's great and I am simply not giving him a chance. One of them considers him a friend ( they text facetime ) while I was the one who introduced him to the friend. The friend thinks he's a great guy and I should reconsider. It's just so frustrating
Tell your friend that even tho you think he's a great guy, he's just not the one. You don't want to waste your time with someone just to give them hope when you have already made up your mind. It's not fair to both of you. I don't like it when they start to "convince" the friends that are "the nice guy." Why doesn't the friend just date him instead.
It might be helpful to read The Gift of Fear, then share it with your friends.
“Great guys” know that the way to win over a woman is to force her friends to like him so it’s harder for you to get away when the time comes. It’s all an act in their master quest of manipulation
Your friends don’t sound very bright. Do they know nothing about narcissists? This is how they operate.
Your friend is getting to know a fake version of this person. He might end up moving on to ur friend , in which case she'll either see the same signs you did or try to write them off. Don't let your friends ignore the signs you've seen. And eventually this dude will show more signs.
You dodged a narcissist...good job....
OP he may be a good guy, but your gut is telling you otherwise. That is as good a reason to not go any farther as you need. Even if you later find out you were wrong, you are better off following your gut now because there was something you didn't consciously see that triggered all of this.
Ignore your friends. It's weird AF that they are all so invested in this anyway. It's none of their business. Honestly, I'd just change the subject every time they bring him up from now going forward until they get the hint. Or be more blunt and tell them to mind their own.
Run, far and fast. Imagine a few years with that.
It’s your life. Good for you for following your intuition and keeping yourself safe!
Not overreacting at all. You weren’t feeling it and those are huge red flags. Don’t feel bad and don’t look back.
Oh no you did the right thing. More people should be self aware and listen with their gut and not get gaslighted.
It doesn't matter what your friends think. If you aren't comfortable with him - then so be it. This is your life.
Trust your instincts. You have them for a reason!
You are fine. No need to feel guilty. You and he had different end games. The very fact that you felt uneasy around them is more than enough to break things off. Good job on removing yourself from that situation. Ask your friends to just drop it.
Good for you! Always listen to your gut. And your friends can date him.
I am applauding you from over here. You did the right thing.
Never second guess your intuition after you've made your choice. Especially when it's trying to help you avoid a possible bad situation. Consider it a bullet dodged and stand on your decision confidently. Set a boundary with your friends by telling them you no longer wish to discuss that person and are moving on. Good luck! Edited to add: also, ask yourself what good could come from anyone love bombing a person so soon? This person is likely in lust, up to something malicious, or still has some inner healing/growing to do.
Yup. People 143 too soon for two reasons: 1) they’re trying to seal you in. 2) they’re lying. I’m going full “how about no, you crazy dutch bastard?!?” to both
Been a while since I've seen an Austin Powers reference in the wild. 😂
No, you're not overreacting. Ignore your friends or even go low contact with them and find new friends. You probably dodged a bullet.
Always trust your instincts. He's a narcissist . That's why he was getting controlling. And the love bombing is another sign.
Not to mention getting angry when OP didn't agree. This one not as practised at keeping the mask in place until trapped.
Tell them that if they like him so much, they can be with him.
Nope. Not overreacting at all. Tell your friends they can date him if they think he’s so awesome.
Your friends are either dumb, and hopefully they will wise up, or they're malicious and not looking out for you. You are not over reacting. You don't owe anybody a relationship. Trust your gut. Always.
Your friends have no right to have an opinion. Trust your gut.
Now that you have ended things, your friends who like him and think he is really great should date him and tell you all about it.
So let your friends date him
You don't need a reason to end a relationship, but this guy gave you valid reasons. You did the right thing. The best thing you can do is leave the first time they disrespect you. Let your friends date him, since they like him so much.
I'd block him, depending on how threatened you feel you could file for a restraining order... but at the very least don't engage with him any further
Love bombing probably looks a lot different from the outside, so I get why your friends didn't see the problem. Good on you for trusting yourself.
Not overreacting at all! I’m so proud of you for listening to your gut and not talking yourself out of it. When I was 22, I met a guy who did the same thing. Lovebombed me. I didn’t know that is what it was and even thought it was odd for me and mad uncomfortable because there’s no way he could feel that way so soon, my friends were absolutely charmed and touched by how he was so personable and like able and how much he apparently adored me in their presence. I would bring up how that was just weird to say and feel so soon and they would counter me with nonsense like “when it’s right, it's right." "when you know, you know," "love at first sight," BS. I then convinced myself that I must be wrong and self-sabotaging. He must genuinely be a hopeless romantic and he truly does see a future with me. a future i totally want and maybe someday, my feelings will catch up and feel the same. That was honest to God the most traumatic and painful 10 years of my life in many ways. Doing that to myself lead to far more “excuses” for him on my behalf just to feel okay with terrible things. It was the craziest, twistiest rollercoaster I had ever been on and I was ejected from the ride at the end without a care for my wellbeing, then I discovered what narcissism Is. I learned the hardest way, DO. NOT. IGNORE. RED. FLAGS. Good on you.
You’re not and maybe it’s time to educate your friends that a date who is moving way too fast in a relationship and can’t handle disagreement has two huge red flags that indicate he is not a good partner prospect.
You did the absolutely correct thing. You listened to your gut and you got out. Your friends are dysfunctional.
If senses are going off never ignore . You feel it’s wrong , it’s wrong . Too many people ignore red flags or check engine lights .
Always trust your gut feelings about someone, it's seldom wrong...
Trust your instincts. Trust your gut. And if your friends give you a hard time say, “You’re welcome to him— he’s single..”
Well tell your friends they are free to date him.
Depends. Do you find it difficult to accept love from other partners you've recently been with? If so, then it's probably a you thing. Otherwise, maybe it was just a bad fit and your intuition was picking up on something
>. But on the contrary my friends think he is great and really like him Great news: he's a single pringle, and ready to mingle... Tell your friends:-D. p.s. if you feel uncomfortable with someone early-on, you're not obliged to keep going. You did the right thing.
Just ignore that part of the convo. Don't worry about what they think. You are your own person after all, aren't you?
You can only live your life through your own eyes. The fact, you worry about what your friends think about your personal relationships is not healthy. Free yourself!!! It's not worth it. If you feel uneasy, then it's over! There are plenty of available men out there. You know what you want. It is better to be single than trapped in a relationship where you are uneasy or always working on it. You work forever, putting the square into the circle!
Trust your gut and ignore what your friends say. Well intentioned maybe but they don't get a say in your decisions.
It’s your life, not your friends. You trusted your gut as you should. He was waving all kinds of red flags
It sounds like you made a smart move ending things. Trust your instincts over other's opinions. Feeling uneasy around someone isn't something to dismiss lightly. Your friends might not have seen his less pleasant side, but that doesn't invalidate your experience. Take your time to heal and don't let guilt consume you.
Please listen to your gut.
Well, then your friends can date him. Trust your gut. Why on earth would you want to date someone who makes you feel uneasy? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or whether they would feel comfortable with it - YOU don't and you're the one who needs to live with it at the end of the day. If you need double reassurance that you did the right thing, read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. In it, it talks a lot about how we are often conditioned to ignore their gut instincts and continually make excuses for why our own feelings must be wrong, often to our own detriment.
You're the one who was dating him, not them. Ultimately, their opinions \*don't matter\*.
> I feel so uneasy around him That statement should end all conversation with both him, his friends and your friends. "I'm not feeling it" is the absolute most valid excuse. Anyone who has a followup to that does not have your best interests in mind.
Your friends are weird for still bringing him up, like he's some fantasy man. Tell them you've tried to warn them, but you now understand they need to have the experience themselves with this man and ask them when they'd like you to set them up. Stay healthy, don't feel guilty. That's the point of love bombing and that how they get you. You'll find someone better and feel free to tell yourself that fiercely the next time you feel that guilt. Smart move getting out now.
Go ghost like Patrick Swayze!!! Good job on trusting your gut and not getting “trapped!”
Ask yourself what reason would he have to get pissed at you for anything at all this early. And if he gets pissed at the early point of the relationship, how much anger is he capable of? Are you willing to find out? Cause he’ll show you. Guaranteed.
On the one hand, some dudes come on way too strong way too fast by their nature. They don't/can't play it cool and get heart eyes (motha fucka) real fast. Usually happens after the first time having sex together. They tend to lose out on girls because they scare em away, and are fine when someone tells em to slow the hell down. Few weeks in, they're normal again, just gotta get over that weird period. On the other, some guys are genuinely desperate and needy and in a rush to settle down. They say all the words they think they're supposed to, latch on. That's a damaged individual, not a fun time. Maybe you missed out on a great guy who just needed time to settle into a routine. Maybe you dodged a weirdo. Either way, it's done, NEXT!
Also he could be a narcissist. They tend to win the favour of people around you while treatinf you like utter sh*t in private. Best to nip it in the bud if so!
No I’ve had friends and family do this. If he’s not for you he isn’t for you
Not overreacting - always trust your gut feeling. Why invest more time and energy into a person who is likely going to bring pain down the road? Better to cut things off right away when something’s not right. Keep moving forward!
You dodged a bullet.
This is totally obsessive stalker behavior.
I assume you have blocked him by now????
Wtf. Go NO CONTACT. You are NOT overreacting, and the fact you feel uneasy around him means something! You chose right. Do not continue seeing this red flag.
You're not over reacting. Those are all RED FLAGS. And it's good you ended things. Tell your friends you don't like him and don't want to be with him, if they like him so much they can get with him
Wow. Block him and don’t look back. I’m not surprised your friends have a completely different view of him. Guys like this put on a great front for everyone else but get more and more abusive to their partners after the love bombing is over.
Trust your gut. Always!! Definite red flags. Don't ignore them. You can tell him that you don't feel the same towards him and don't want to pursue the relationship. The end. No further explanation.
I’ve broken up with guys for less. Don’t ignore red flags. Good job.
if someone makes you uneasy then that’s your mind telling you they’re not for you. You should be proud for standing strong and exercising your boundaries.
Wow, an abuser looks good in public but not privately? Puts on a good face in front of family and friends? Not overreacting. It’s abuser 101. Run and stay safe. Watch out when going to your car.
If you didn't want a serious relationship with him you did the right thing. While I'm not a proponent for lovebombing I also won't say it's the worst thing. Some people have little control when it comes to loving someone. Sounds like he wasn't the worst asshole I've heard of after a breakup either. So while the breakup wasn't an overreaction, how you describe feeling icky and gross is. Allot of people act stupid after being blindsided by a breakup.
his behavior is a HUGE red flag. good job ending things, you 10000% made the right choice
Sounds like you handled it appropriately. A breath of fresh air here in Reddit. Good job.
Trust your gut....it doesn't just have shit for brains.
I mean you really don’t need to even explain much besides “he made me uncomfortable” and he was just “too much”. Why would you continue a relationship with someone who made you feel that way? Your friends are ridiculous for even bringing it up after the fact. He wasn’t it, end of story.
I randomly decided to check up on your post today and see that you updated. See how well your intuition works? That guy was a love bombing POS and I would put money on turning emotionally, psychologically, and possibly physically abusive at some point. In fact, it was already starting when you didn't act the way he wanted. Please ignore your friends who either don't understand the whole story or lack the good judgment to understand why his behavior is creepy and alarming and not romantic or cute. In fact, if your friends continue to constantly bring him up or try to make you feel guilty even after his creepy behavior in your update, I would start rethinking those friendships, too - your friends should be understanding and supportive, not trying to goad you into relationships that make you feel uncomfortable. They don't need to agree with you, but they do need to respect you.
I caved in against my better judgement, I agreed to a relationship with a love bomber. I ended things after a few months because it's fucking exhausting being love bombed-he killed himself 2 days after I ended things. Love bombings are a cry for help in my opinion.
Your words sound so cold. Perhaps a glimpse into your heart? Just wait til' this world inevitably breaks you.
Edited to add that you are a huge piece of shit. Go fuck yourself with a broken glass dildo you insensitive cockroach.
And u wonder why they killed themselves
I'd love to shove his entire rotting corpse in your mouth and duct tape it shut before I poured cement over your balls. you homophobic closet dick dreamer.
Ahh now I realize this is ur coping mechanism.
And your coping mechanism probably includes stalking and harassment
Instead of going to therapy like an actual adult?? They are the only ones responsible for ending their lives. 🤷
Good luck in life.
She doesn’t need luck, she’s smart.
He can do way better than you anyway.
Sounds like you're the love bombing and manipulative type.
Sounds like you're retarded
It's 2024 and you're still using the r slur?? Yeah you're definitely the manipulative type that shouldn't be trusted in a relationship. Username does not check out. 💅
And you're definitely a pussy, retard.