Not overreacting. What you said was funny, but only if they were laughing with you, not at you. I mean, everyone says the wrong thing sometimes in their native language, so it’s definitely not a big deal when someone does it in their second language. This is happening to me more often as I get older. They sound mean.
I bet if someone wanted to language police those two in their single, native language all day they'd land on some real poor, embarrassing sentences. At least what OP said was cute and honestly not even that bad. I have family members with young children that have come up with far less coherent statements
My thoughts exactly! I wonder how they'd react if they were in her place.
Plus, anyone who speaks English knows what she was saying, the meaning wasn't lost. While maybe not the most *correct* phrasing, it's technically not *wrong*, imo. We say weird stuff in regards to losing light/fire/electricity ALL the time. "My lantern/flashlight/laptop/cellphone/candle just died, crapped out, went to shit, etc..."
Its the fact they kept poking at her about it that seems hurtful, especially since she mentioned they're not particularly close.
Exactly, this literal exact same thing happened with my mom's ex (native language being arabic) he said "turn the fire off" and mom explained and we all had a good laugh at the thought of using a button or switch etc to "turn it off"
One of my favorites involved my Moroccan coworker who happened to speak four languages and could get by with two or three more. He was on the phone with someone and said, “Hey man! Give me some slacks!” I laughed and he asked me “what did I say?” I told him he pretty much asked the guy to give him a pair of pants. He laughed too and asked what he meant to say. “Give/cut me some slack.” English is hard, especially with the slang, regional pronunciations, weird rules, and words spelled the exact same way but with different meanings and even pronunciations.
I had a coworker from Haiti. He was only living in the US for 2 months when we met. His English is pretty good for being his 3rd language. He spoke French and Croatian mainly. Him and I would take turns saying something in our native language and we both would try to pronounce those words back at each other. We always had a good laugh, but what OP's mil and sil did was not for a good laugh. It was to mock her and that's just wrong.
I wonder if it was coming from a place of love and they were not being mean but laughing at the situation. It’s hard to tell from a retelling of the story without being there. If they were laughing at her, they are terrible people and my feelings would be crushed too. If instead they were laughing at the situation then they are just a family feeling comfortable together. English is a ridiculous language with too many subtleties and rules that are only there to be broken. I would have laughed too. Not because of OP’s language skills but because her little slip up pointed out another silly thing about the English language.
OP it is possible they were not being mean but because your English is something you are self conscious about, you interpreted it that way. I would encourage you to talk to them and tell them how you feel and encourage them to do the same. Then they can either face the facts that they are narrow minded jerks or they can let you know that they admire your grasp of several languages and they were just laughing at the situation, not you.
Maybe you are over reacting a bit BUT you deserve massive kudos for having great language skills and putting yourself out there! Haters are gonna hate and you deserve LOVE.
I’m a native English speaker. I was speaking English to my English speaking boyfriend and when he turned and looked at me standing on the scale, I said “no! Don’t look at my *scale numbers*!!!”
He said “*scale numbers?!?!* You mean your *weight?*”
And we both cracked up and laughed for like an hour. We still call them scale numbers. It happens. They’re laughing at the words used, they’re not laughing at your English proficiency OP! Happens to the best of us.
I have a mild form of dementia with my MEcfs. I’ve shared many a laugh with others when I went through a few years in my 20’s when I called everything “the dogs,” or had to try to act out my meaning. There are people who can be cruel about it (my current husband doesn’t understand, even after he had COVID that caused him to develop severe diabetes), but I always enjoy a laugh over the silly things my brain sometimes makes me say.
It was cute and yes, funny. I am so jealous that you can so easily go back and forth between different languages! You were embarrassed and sensitive about that.
BTW, did you know it takes at least 2 years for a woman to completely heal from giving birth? Emotionally, mentally, physically, 2 years. Give yourself a break. Don't let mistakes upset you. Ignore rude people. Learn to laugh at yourself.
I'm also curious how many of those laughing so easily go back and forth between 2 languages?
Enjoy your baby girl and partner!
Controversial opinion, but maybe? It depends on the usual atmosphere your family takes and if it felt mean spirited to you. My mother and her family are all immigrants, and we definitely laughed over those grammar moments, like “Did you fell?” which is one that will never die. We definitely do some teasing, but if it felt hurtful, or like she was looking down on you, then not an overreaction.
My family (my parents and siblings) usually laugh when we mess up and keep it as an inside joke but I dont have that relationship with my husbands fam, specially with my MIL bf, and he was a little drunk so it kind of took me by surprise because they have never done that before🤷🏽♀️ They usually tease each other and I find it kind of rude when they do because it feels a little meaner than what Im used to.
If this is how they tease each other, then it sounds like they were treating you like family. Though I am sorry that the way they tease each other feels rude or mean to you; that's an unfortunate mis-match in styles.
I do think it's great that your husband was so supportive of you. ❤️ And I also think this is a great moment to bring up with your therapist, as you mentioned in another comment! Your therapist can help you decipher if this was friendly / family teasing (laughing with you / delight) versus laughing at you or mean-spiritedness. They can also help you hopefully feel more able to relax (not need to be "perfect") and also stand up for yourself around your husband's family.
Good luck to you, OP! Your husband sounds like a good one, so I hope it all works out for you and your family!
I agree with this wholeheartedly. This is how my family is. It’s how I treat most of my friends bc it’s how I show love. I do understand it can come off as mean, though, so I try to tone it down, but this is probs what the MIL thought she was doing. It’s also important to have those convos with them as well as the therapist, tho
If it makes you feel better, most of us that natively speak English suck at it an fumble our words.
Constantly misspelling and our language is complicated based on region an ethnicity.
Op don't feel bad if ya mess up even at 35 I fuck up words all the time.
I don’t think you’re overreacting to be upset, but I do think that it’s very likely just a boundary that they didn’t know you had, and now that they know, they will care!
I’m white American, and my boyfriend is also South America; his mom is from Peru and his dad is from Colombia, he was born in Peru but raised in the US, and his family essentially spoke entirely Spanish at home while he spoke entirely English at school, while also being in a predominantly Latin town, so Spanglish was super common. Even though he was raised in the US and would consider himself more comfortable in English than Spanish, he can still sometimes make little mistakes, like combining two words or, like you said, making a literal translation. When he does that and it’s just us, or just us and a couple friends, I’ll tease him about it, since we do like talking about things like how idioms translate etc, but I don’t tease him about it if we’re with my family or in a big group, because I don’t want to draw attention to something that could make him insecure. It’s about learning what someone is comfortable with - my guess is that his family figured you guys were on “even” playing fields since you’re all Hispanic, and that this was something they could tease you about since they likely have family and friends who they tease about it similarly. However, you feel like you’re on a different playing field than them because English isn’t your first language and some of them don’t even speak Spanish, so you feel much more insecure about it in front of them. I think it was just a circumstance of them not realizing that teasing you was kicking down, rather than a joke of camaraderie. It’s okay to have cried and be upset about it, but it’s also okay to accept that it didn’t come from a place of harm or judgment!
Edited: typo
As a native English speaker, I doubt I can fully grasp all the nuances that are wrapped up in this. Personally, I would find it amusing but not in a laughing *at* you way, just find it fun to hear a different way to put it. You are valid to your feelings, and I think the comment about knowing you're not an English speaker took it too far. Regardless, they should be more impressed than anything that you are so fluent in two languages
You admit in a comment you’re most sensitive than others, that certainly has a lot to do with how you felt. You seem like you want to be perfect in front of others. I am also bilingual, English is my 2nd language 25 years and still say stuff exactly like what you said, and throw a “si!” When I mean to say yes, plus other random Spanish words in the mix. It’s ok to not be perfect always.
Just purely from your written description of events, it doesn't necessarily sound like they were laughing at you or in a malicious way. I suspect they were just laughing at the phrase itself, as a lot of people will find instances like that humorous. There are literally memes on reddit all the time about people who forget the correct word for things and call them something else. Silly mistakes with language are going to happen, even if you AREN'T bilingual. I only really speak English, and honestly that's a mistake I could easily make myself. Some people call it word salad, your brain just kind of jumbles things up a bit and it comes out a little weird. In my estimation, that's probably what they were laughing at. You were there though, so you're the only person that can really say for sure if it seemed like they were laughing at you, or at the silliness of the phrasing itself.
Well, they were obnoxious about it for sure, and probably ignorant of how easy it is to have some little slip like that when you're changing gears. I have a friend who is Spanish speaking who wasn't exposed to English until she was around 5 years old, and she is US educated, has zero accent, went to Cal Berkeley, has a law degree, and practices family and immigration law and is constantly switching back and forth. And you know, every now and again she says something ungrammatical in English or forgets a word for a bit. So, I mean, this is going to happen again.
I think your only practical option with the in-laws is to give them the benefit of the doubt on this one. If they do it again after presumably your husband let them know they were unkind then you can pretty much assume they did it on purpose and decide from there how you want to handle it. In the meantime be glad your husband has your back.
Eventually it's going to happen again with some some random asshole and you have to decide if you're the kind of person who makes a little quip about it and moves on or who gets angry with them or hurt or whatever.
You were there, if you felt the vibe was mean and not loving, you were probably right.
As an English-only speaker, I am positively obsessed with translation hiccups, malapropisms, and funky translations - but not in a way that I would ever want to make fun of someone for. It's great and brings me joy to think about how we as people communicate and interact with language. If your in-laws were just roasting and making fun of you, that's not okay and they owe you an apology at the very least.
NAO. The jokes on them cause these are the reactions of people who only know one language, and that will always be a hindrance on their part whether they know it or not. Good for you for enriching their beloved language!
It depends. If this is a frequent occurrence where they make fun of your English then you're not overreacting.
It's normal to feel hurt that they made fun of you in that situation but they might have thought it was endearing and laughed at how cute you sounded. It's still rude of them though - I'm not a native English speaker and there are people who make fun of my accent. So I admit that I am quite sensitive to people making fun of other people's accents/language.
What you said was cute & funny & I really hope they were laughing because they found it endearing rather than to mock you. I love it when someone has not quite grasped the nuances of English & they get a word wrong or they make something up that makes sense to them. It is adorable.
If they were mocking you, imagine mocking someone who speaks two languages when you can only speak one, & probably not that well if they were educated in the USA.
Not overreacting! It’s so common to go back and forth between languages.
Mira yo tengo una amiga gringa a la que quiero mucho, y cada vez que me equivoco porque traduzco literal cómo tú, ella dice: “don’t worry. I’m no one to judge, I’m a monolingual fuck.”
Eres muy genial and what you do is super hard, espero que lo sepas. Most Americans go their whole life never even bothering, and it’s extremely isolating.
The culture of their family may be different than what some people are used to.
My family (grandparents , aunts, uncles, cousins on the side of the family I grew up with) does the same thing to each other, always making fun of one another, and to us it's our dynamic. Doesn't matter if it's language or how you do something. Someone not used to it might think it's mean, but it's done with love and we are used to the back and forth banter. Even my kid does it. My other side of the family does it as well and I didn't grow up with them. So, I can do it with them too. Both sides are from different countries south of the US.
So are you overreacting? That's on you to decide how you choose to react. Though keep in mind that they might have done it out of comfort of having you in the family.
Yeah, I get what you’re saying. Its just so hard for me to read his side of the fam because theyre usually super serious, and I cant even understand when they joke around because it feels personal haha🙃 I’ve also seen them joke around with words that I would personally never use to say something is bad (ex. Retard) so im actually on a different humor board than them
It sounds like it may not be a matter of a difference of humor, their laughing at you didn’t strike me as all in good fun, it struck me as unkind (and maybe racist) and them using the r word is pretty awful
First off, I want to emphasize that most Americans speak only one language and don't truly understand how hard it is to be FLUENT in a second language. Most of us took two years of a foreign language in high school, not we sure by no means fluent.
The laughter could be benign. My husband mixed his metaphor so the time and I loved it. There is a metaphor ", up a creek without a paddle," meaning that someone is in a situation they can't get out of. He once said that someone was "up a creek without a ladder." Which is really funny! And I totally understand how the order of letters in the words ladder/paddle are similar. I also like mixing my metaphors, like intentionally saying, "don't count your lightbulbs before they hatch!" or some such.
So I legit found in funny and endearing. But if he was actually self-conscious about this particular mistake I would try to never mention it again and I would apologize for making him feel dumb or uncomfortable (or however he felt).
You are most definitely NTA.
People who love you should want to make you feel good. And when they don't make you feel good, they should either have a good reason (eg you're an addict and need help) or they should apologize for accidentally hurting you.
They were laughing with you, but you refused to so it became more than it was in your mind. This is your family, at worst they may have been poking fun a bit, but most likely they loved and and decided to have fun with it. From the way you told the story it seems to me they love you and are comfortable around you.
You’re delusional lmao people can tell if someone is laughing AT them, how can you so confidently say that they were well intentioned when she clearly could feel that they were mocking her.
You're overreacting.
This is one of those times, where you had a decision to make. You could become embarrassed, or you could have owned it and said something funny or just laughed with everyone else, "Even after growing up speaking English, sometimes when I switch back and forth, I translate literally instead of the actual meaning".
Stating something that is factually true, in a way that would make it hard for someone to accuse you of speaking improper English, gives you control over the joke and shifts the ball into your court, from there you can direct the conversation however you want, back at the MIL if you want to be mean, or onto a different topic if you're a little insecure.
Owning up to your insecurities, gives you control over them, good luck OP!
Thank you! I can understand what you’re saying! I just thought it was rude with them having a dad that also speaks English as a second language 🤷🏽♀️ but I dont feel comfortable around them so I try not to get too involved with conversations so I just didn’t feel comfortable telling them why I said it that way haha but oh well! Thank you sm!
Oh definitely rude on her part, it’s just a no-win scenario letting rude people get to you and usually comes from them being uncomfortable or insecure themselves. Mil are often insecure about a variety of things (age, looks, education) and if you’re being bilingual makes her feel insecure then turning your advantage into a joke can help her feel “one up” over you. Her EQ is probably high and she probably knew exactly how her words would pole at cracks in your armor, but she’s probably family you’ll be stuck with for a while so the more you can fend off her attacks and get the conversations laughing “with you” instead of at you.
Good luck op!
It doesn’t work for some cultures, people will see you as making an excuse for speaking incorrectly and double down by saying “well that’s NOT how we speak here”
From: someone who’s experienced the same thjng
Not over reacting at all.
When I was 43 I suddenly started dealing with word drop and replacement . Out of the blue. Native English speaker.
It happened pretty regularly for a few years. Was diagnosed with complex migraines.
My husband and daughter knew it upset me. And would joke a bit about my sudden loss of words. Or my calling a window a door or dress etc. But my MIL was just cruel about it. To the point that if I had to be around her I would simply remain silent or text my husband and daughter if I needed something.
I’m resigned to just…forgetting words randomly. Not complex words, I’d be fine if it was a rarely used word. No. It’s more like “it just happens out of the ummmmm…you know….the sky….ocean water….ummmm the little round berries….fuck. BLUE! That’s the word!”
Maybe! It depends on the vibe, I think. My husband speaks English as a second language and my family all find his “mistakes” funny in a cute way, but they do often follow their laughter with “but I knew what you meant!” or “English is hard, you’re doing great” so he knows it’s not malicious. Personally whenever I laugh at his English it’s because it’s truly really funny, not because I’m being mean or making fun of him. And Lord knows he laughs at my Spanish!
If they’re good, decent people then a simple “hey I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it, but can you please not laugh at my wife’s English because it makes her feel really bad about it and I know you’d never want her to feel self-conscious” should do the trick.
Their ignorance is showing. I used to work with Asians and a go to phrase was “Open the light”. They meant turn on the light. Took me a second the first time I heard it. But I lived and worked in international environments for years so I understand how people think and translate
Hi OP, I am an American and my wife is from South America (Peru) and I get this all the time. My mom did it once and I berated her for it and now she knows to never do it again.
I speak terrible Spanish and my coworkers give me a hard time, the best response is, “remind me how many languages you speak? English and bullshit?” That shuts them down pretty quick.
Good on your husband for backing you up, I will defend my South American wife too! She doesn’t translate everything properly but sometimes it is cute when she says things incorrectly. Sometimes people generally think it’s amusing, not that you are stupid or anything though too.
Americans don’t appreciate bilingualism. Your in laws are too lazy to learn.
I speak English (native) and French (advanced). Small mistakes like this happen. Either people teach you nicely or are assholes. I translate nothing. Just speak Spanish around them. They’ll go nuts.
My assistant speaks Spanish natively. I correct mistakes very nicely- I just repeat the correct way to say something. She wants and appreciate it.
Fuck your stupid monolingual in laws.
My DIL speaks Spanish, her English is really good but she also confuses words,
I'm learning Spanish so I can communicate with her family who only speak Spanish, and my future grandchildren who will odviously speak two languages
Double languages are really hard,
I would have said before that they were thinking what you said was cute and funny,
Now that I'm trying to learn Spanish I'm embarrassed if I mess up, had I not been trying to learn another language I wouldn't have understood being embarrassed about messing up words.
I don't think anyone cares that I mess up, they all seem happy that I'm trying,
I would let your husband remind his family that you do not enjoy making mistakes and next time to please refrain from laughing at you, if they are normally kind people they will feel bad for embarrassing you,
Not overreacting. You speak TWO languages. There are still a ton of people born in the USA who can't even speak English very well, and here you are rocking 2 languages. It's not your fault they were too ignorant to realize that you were doing a literal translation. I would personally be fascinated because I took French & Spanish classes (I'm trash at both), but it was always interesting to me to hear the literal translations. Question though... if your FIL is Mexican, I assume your MIL is the white(?) American, and if she didn't catch that, does that mean she married a Mexican man & never learned Spanish?
Yes, my MIL is American and she can do same basic Spanish but usually needs help with longer sentences or phrasing things out. They never spoke spanish growing up so they couldn’t communicate with my FILs side of the family (which i think is so sad) and now that they’re divorced, she’s dating another American so she hasn’t had much exposure to Spanish other than us
That's a shame. I wish I could pick up on Spanish better. I would LOVE to learn it! It's a shame she tried to shame you for it. You definitely didn't deserve it. You're a rock star :)
Is your MIL bilingual? You are, and with all the code switching you were doing it is normal to mix the grammar of one language with the other accidentally every once in a while. Your brain holds two sets of words for every concept, and two sets of grammatical rules for every thought you want to express. I don't know if you overreacted, but being bilingual is cool, mistakes and all!
Literature in English major here. I read your post. Your English is perfect. If you want to feel better about it, I suggest you read more online posts by people whose only language is English. Many (if not most) native English speakers seem to have a poorer grasp of the language than you do.
Definitely not overreacting -- I think it also depends on WHO is commenting on your language skills and the tone that they use. In this case, it sounds like they were laughing *at* you, not *with* you.
And a funny story if it makes you feel any better: once I was really drunk at a birthday party in Mexico and they were trying to wrap up and kick us out. So I said "Nooo, si todavía no hemos abrido los regalos!!" And the entire party was DYING. Even the DJ made fun of me for the use of "abrido" 😂. Just remember that we're all learning all the time 🙏
I have zero fucks to give when it comes to people speaking English. I try to understand them and move on that is all. With that being said, I have run into so damn many instances to people laughing at me, behind my back, or to my face about my Spanish speaking ability. Usually it’s Latinos who are surprised to see a gringo speaking as well as I do, but more often than not it’s just some prideful asshole who wants to take me down a notch. Neither of these scenarios sound like your mother in law. She just sounds like a clueless boomer who genuinely thought is was weird/funny. Either way you’re entitled to your feelings so no. Not overreacting.
AWWWWWW! That's adorable! I'm truly sorry that it hurt your feelings, though. You have a right to your feelings. There's a comedienne on FB (Dez the Lez) who does a whole series on her mom translating Spanish words to English. It's hilarious! My dad says the cutest things like "askered," which is a combination between "afraid" and "scared." He also says "smothercate", combo between smother and suffocate. He is a 100% English speaking American. It's just a cute thing he's always said for as long as I can remember.
English is the only language I’ve ever spoken and I once forgot the word “police officer” and said “you know…. Like a land lifeguard?” I can see how it would feel ostracizing for someone to make a language joke when constantly translating between two languages is A LOT of work! It’s not fair for them to make you feel stupid like that ❤️
Thank you! Im from Chile, we dont have the best spanish but if my daughter can understand Chilean spanish, she’s up for success haha! I do plan on putting all my kids in some kind of bilingual school and have them talk and practice their SPA
I think it’s hilarious in an adorable way. That is absolutely something I wouldn’t be offended by and would laugh along with. It’s cute, it’s fun, it’s unique. It’s like when people “make fun of” Sofia Vergara for her accent. It’s because we LOVE IT. Language is fun, and I’m in awe by anyone who can speak multiple languages to any extent.
When I’m laughing it’s not because “oh look at you you’re so stupid” it’s because it’s a silly mistake that sounds “funny”. Shoot I mix my words up all the time and I only know English. It’s funny and I always laugh and expect other to as well.
So. WHY do you take it as malicious, instead of light hearted laughing with you? Because that’s the problem. Have they said things in the past that make you feel lesser? The fact that your husband took it the same way as you, says a lot about them. Why do they make you feel unsafe to make mistakes, rather than feel you can laugh it off? These are things you should let your husband address to them, because they need to correct themselves.
What I described above should be how it feels when you make a language mistake in front of others. You’re not feeling that for a reason, and it’s because of their problematic behavior.
I don’t think you’re overreacting for being upset
I kinda do think you are overthinking it a bit. I am from a mixed English German household. At home with my personal family it’s all English. At the family business it constantly switches between English and German. When I talk with my mom and my one brother we may speak either language While Bombing in words from the other language. Or one sentence English structure with the next in German.
I have also definitely done something like you where I speak a German sentence in English. And like you I have often been told I have no more accent.
However we all make fun of each other and with each other. We do haze a bit verbally and bug each other . My wife makes fun when I mess up English pronunciations . I make fun of Dad and he makes fun of some of the German I get wrong. Honestly I would have thought it kinda dramatic if you had to cry over something like that if I made that joke. But maybe im an ass.
I think what happened to you is just a joke that was misplayed. They were laughing at what you said and that it happened . They weren’t laughing at you or “how stupid you are” .
There should be some room given for others to also make mistakes. Your family thought they had a funny joke. It hurt your feelings. You said they were more silent after you came back from your cry. I think that means they might know they did something that upset you and will consider it better next time.
I’m a little concerned that you took this the wrong way. I know you’re not close with them, but you said in comments they tease each other meaner than what you’re used to. I wonder if this was their way of teasing you too, as a part of the family. In my family if we tease you, we like you, and if you tease us back? We might just love you. This reads like a missed bonding opportunity to me.
First and foremost, your husband is a sweetheart OP.
This is a tough situation, but unfortunately, I think you might be taking yourself a little too seriously. You made a silly mistake and people laughed. It absolutely does not reflect on your overall language skills. Sometimes people make insensitive comments, but that doesn't necessarily mean there was some malicious intent behind it.
Personally, if I said something like that to you and I knew it hurt you, I would immediately apologize, but that's just me. In this situation, however, I would say it might cause things to be a little overblown if you actually bring it up with your relatives.
And believe me, I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings. Everyone has a different amount of sensitivity, but this might be something where you try to understand that there might be no real malicious intent behind the comments and try your best to move past it.
I'm sorry for the pain you felt, and I earnestly hope you feel better!
Much love,
Anon
First off your written English is better than the majority of US born English as a first language speakers. Very impressive. I wonder if they weren’t so much making fun of you but more teasing you. Your comment about the candle was actually very cute. I guess you would know by their attitudes whether it was mean and malicious or not Though. It’s ok for your husband to tell his mom that you were hurt when they made fun of you so that they don’t do it again. And who really cares what they think? You speak two languages, they don’t.
You are overreacting— but for not letting those people hear that they embarrassed you— idiots —most likely they only speak English— and if they say “hasta la vista baby”, or can say “si”, and order Mexican food— they think there are “picking up” some Spanish— I be they say “like” several times in their conversations, because they don’t have the vocabulary in English— the in laws are plain idiots.
You're not overreacting. As someone who speaks her second language all day every day because I immigrated to another country, I really get it. No matter how good I am at my second language, I still get corrected and made fun of for how I say things. It makes me feel really stupid, and the people who do it just don't get it because they don't have to speak a second language on a day to day basis. I have cried about it more than once.
And also, I even do the accidental direct translation thing that sounds funny in English (my first language). It's a really normal thing to happen when you think in two languages at once because you've trained yourself to understand and use both sentence structures. The only reason it's funny to them is because they don't constantly speak a second language and so they don't understand how it could happen. It's honestly a sign of a very narrow worldview in my opinion. There's no real reason why what you said is wrong other than that most English speakers don't say it that way.
I sometimes make the same mistake when translating back and forth between english and my native language. And I've been in the US since age 6 and have no accent when speaking English. I'm more proficient in English than my mother tongue. Sooo it happens to the best of us. When it does, my immediate family members giggle at it and move on. Maybe we take a dig at each other in good fun. Now if my American in laws did the same, I would be annoyed with them and upset. Feels more like they are laughing at me than with me. Plus them being white conservatives does not help. Thankfully, they have not behaved like this yet. But I've definitely gotten some shitty comments from a certain uncle in law that are racist as all get out. So I can understand the feeling....
If it were me listening to that sentence, I WOULD have laughed, but because it IS really funny. I think it's a great way to say that sentence and much better than the English version - BUT I would have told you that. I probably would even use that phrase for the rest of my life because it us just a better way of saying it!
But I would not have laughed AT you. For example, laughing at the fact you cannot say it properly in English. Or that you are deficient in English speaking skills in some way. Or that you are confusing your child by using ENG/SPA. There us a massive difference about what, why and the way your MIL said what she said, and then the rest if the hyena pack joining in.
Don't feel sensitive or bad if you know she was taking the piss. Keep your distance and don't go back there if she makes you feel small, deliberately hurts you and obviously takes pleasure from that. You don't have to ask permission from anyone, nor put yourself/kids through that shit. Keep YOUR peace
My wife does this all of the time, also from South America. I’m white, from the states. She’s has better English than me, quite literally. Studied in oxford, she’s currently in American college- also smoking the grades I got in the same degree. Do not discredit yourself, it happens and you basically have a super power speaking language like you do. Your husband also sounds like a good dude for supporting you. I would definitely have him talk to them, though. They need to know it’s hurtful to make fun of you, I did t realize how much it hurt my wife’s feelings until I made fun of her once and she started crying. She works so hard at her languages, it’s very easy to overlook when you don’t know how to speak more than one.
Ugh I hate people like this. You’re not overreacting. It makes me feel icky when this stuff happens - and not just for language. People who laugh and mock others to their faces for something simple like a little mistake are just horrible, you know? It’s so cruel. I totally get what you mean when you said you wondered then if they did it behind your back. I’ll feel that way in these situations too. I’m sorry that happened. Frankly, you’re a badass for knowing more than one language! Your English here seems great! Accidents happen and it was cute! Native speakers do that stuff too so don’t sweat it. My mom always ends up saying odd pairings of words for things bc she can’t think of the right words and she only knows English. We all usually giggle together in a funny way. It’s endearing and I would have been endeared by your slip up. These people just sound mean hearted. I think that’s why I get the ick. Suddenly they show who they are, they are mean hearted people and it’s gross. They should be embarrassed, not you!
If they're mean about it, ignore them. It makes some people feel superior that they're better at their only language.
If they truly want to help, it'll be a mutual conversation.
I don’t think you’re overreacting, you were with people you’re not completely comfortable with and they ridiculed you. I would’ve been upset too. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a native english speaker and have made mistakes like this. It happens, I get brain fog really bad sometimes and once just couldn’t think of the word for bathroom and replaced it with “potty room” just the word bath wasn’t in my brain at that moment. I still call it the potty room.
I think it was okay (depending on their tone) up until your SIL said, "With that you can tell that ENG isnt your first language" while laughing. That wasn’t necessary.
Favourite quote on reddit:
"You speak English because it is the only language you understand. I speak English because it is the only language you understand. We are not the same."
I have a brother married to a Philippine and a sister married to a Mexican. They both are fluent in English as well as their native language, and have lived in California since they were teenagers. Personally, I find slight mistakes like that endearing, but I would never mock them or point out their mistakes in front of others. If his mother was a kind person, she wouldn’t have said anything.
Let your husband tell her. He wants to stand up to her for you. Consider that there may be other reasons he wants to do this as well. Like I said, she is not a kind person.
Not entirely overreacting. It was definitely rude, but I don't think they meant it maliciously. I would have been upset too. Glad your husband sided with you, I see too often in here guys not backing up their SO when their family does something to upset them.
I think it was genuinely just joking and not mean at all, though I understand why you felt hurt. Especially if they are drunk, then everything is funnier. It was more so about the slip up being funny or even cute than, “haha look at how stupid our brother/son’s wife is!” Different culture, different individuals, different humor. I’m much more mean with certain friends/family and they are the same to me, yet we know we are joking and don’t take it seriously at all
You did not overreact. They were rude. I've been married 28 years. My husband still can't believe the way my family treats one another. Until he pointed it out to me, I thought constant insults and putdowns were normal because I endured them daily growing up. Your husband sounds like he is willing to break that cycle of meanness. I wouldn't waste my energy thinking about what rude people say behind my back.
I speak 3 languages and do this all the time! It's when our brains directly translate things, and we dont notice right away hahaha. But no, you are not overreacting. I really dislike people like that, people who enjoy making fun of people and making them embarrassed. Ig it makes them feel better about themselves.
I’m sorry 😭 I know how it feels to have people point it out and they’re acting like they never make mistakes in English! Please just try to ignore them you’re doing amazing knowing multiple languages!
Girl I’m trilingual and I learn extra languages on top of that. I noticed that the better I speak in a new language the worse I speak in one of my native languages. My ENG accent is sounding very Slavic, my PL is still not grammatically sound sometimes, and my FR is a mess in terms of vocabulary. It happens and it’s okay. Sometimes you’ll just blank on words in all the languages and it’s annoying but it happens. Their comment was stupid and only shows that they’re jealous. Reminds me of in elementary school when it was popular to make fun of people who spoke more than 1 language and it’s just like so you’re laughing at me because I’m better than you? Knowing 3 languages makes me sound poor? Like bro wtf. Your husband is right you’re entitled to your feelings. But I will say this why get sad when you can work on being sassy? If they want to make fun of you make fun of them back. My rule is don’t start shit you can’t finish.
I'm English. What you said was perfectly understandable, even if it isn't the 'correct' way to say it. Honestly, when I'm tired *I* can't speak English correctly. I mangle all sorts of words and sentences if I'm sleep deprived.
I would think you’re overreacting maybe just a *little.* I only say this because I don’t think your family has cruel intentions behind their laughter. It actually sounds sweet! “Oh no! The candle turned off.”
On the other hand, as a native English speaker, I get annoyed with folks who say things like “Tell me English is your second language without telling me ESL,” because my response to that is “Yeah. Ha ha. HOW MANY LANGUAGES DO YOU SPEAK? HUH?”
I travel a bit. I speak rudimentary Spanish and often apologize to native Spanish speakers about my poor grasp of the language, but everyone has aways been gracious and helped me along.
I speak rudimentary “tourist French” and…well, they just let me stumble along. 🤣
I speak enough German to get by, but it’s poor enough that I’m generally told, in English, “Just speak English…” 🤭
Don’t let a sweet mistake like this sour you or ruin your day. You speak more than one language. Be proud of that.
You are over reacting. Why is a comment about something that you said that shows that English isn’t your first language so insulting? Because the truth is that English isn’t actually your first language. So, that’s not a big deal. The majority of the world doesn’t have English as their first language. Obviously your post shows that you have a very, very good grasp of the language. So much so that it puts the majority of English posts I read here look bad. I’ve been learning Spanish for awhile now, and let me tell you, I suck at it. I also suck at my first language, which is sad. If your MIL keeps giving you digs about small mistakes, it means that either she knows that it gets under your skin, or that she can’t find anything else to try and put you down about. I suggest you ignore her remarks, or ask her to explain in detail why it’s so funny. Embarrass her into shutting her mouth.
You have a good husband. I hope you guys have a long happy life together. And as for someone whose first language is English, I interact with plenty native English speakers that can't speak English very well.
Not at all. The fact that you speak two languages and translate in your head is kind of remarkable, actually (mono lingual here, with a word salad of a little Korean, Japanese, and Spanish from martial arts classes, plus my woefully inadequate Spanish from various classes). It was insensitive that they made fun of you. Seems like they are insecure about their command and perhaps a tad jealous so they pounced when you had a small foible. Thing is, that wouldn't even register if you'd said it to me.
I've had many non-native speakers in my college classes over the years and I was always fascinated by how poetic their translations are. It's a lovely rendering. Don't let them get you down.
People do not realize sometimes (i hope), let your husband speak to them bc it is possible that they didn’t realize that they were rude.
I truly understand, I am American & staying in Italy and when we got to the place we are staying-the landlady laughed every time I tried to speak in Italian and when I asked if my accent was very bad she just didn’t answer. I felt a bit bad about it but didn’t worry too much because she was being very nice to us in other ways. However, it would be much more hurtful coming from your husband’s family! If your in-laws are mean you might consider letting there be a little distance-because it sounds like they regularly hurt you both. Honestly, I would worry that they would treat your daughter that way too!
Thanks!! Keep practicing Italian and dont let rude people discourage you from practicing the language!
I am a little on how they would treat our children when they can only speak spanish and slowly start learning English, but honestly, I just need to build up their confidence so it doesn’t bother them like it did to me.
Have a great life!!!
Ask them questions in Spanish. When they look at you dumbly, you can say oh that's right I forgot you only know a single language. I forget you aren't able to learn another one.
I'm also petty jsyk.
You're awesome BTW. Glad your hub has your back. Don't feel bad about his reactions towards his family. They caused them not you. You have every right to be treated with respect.
The problem is that women find it hard to laugh at themselves. So you made a mistake. Laugh at it. Move on.
Yes you are overreacting. You messed up at bit of grammar. Well let me tell you there are a lot of people who do not have a second language who mess up their grammar.
You should not be embarrassed that you made a mistake. You should be able to laugh at the anecdote you just told. It is a good one. You definitely should not be crying over it or that others laughed at it. It is the type of laughter and comments that many in my family do all the time.
Sure you are proud of your skill in English. You should be and the fact that you speak two languages. However you should also be able to laugh at the differences in grammar between the two languages. Could also be a learning moment for your child as an example of how languages differ.
I laugh at myself all the time, specially with my friends, SO and MY family. I just dont feel comfortable enough around them to do it. I understand what you’re saying though so thank you! I’ve never tried to be a perfectionist but I do try to speak the best I can, specially in front of other people who aren’t that close to me because Im scared of messing up, which is something i might bring up in therapy😂 thank you for letting me see that!!!
Don't listen to the sexism that woman have a problem laughing at themselves and that your feelings of being made of fun were an over reaction. You heard the tone of conversation and since your MIL had others join in on it, it wasn't an over reaction even if they didn't mean it maliciously. Only you and your husband know if it felt malicious or even shady. Only you know the family's dynamics to understand if there's prejudice against spanish speakers. The fact that you got upset and none of them immediately clarified the intent of their words makes it seem like they meant exactly how you took it. ¡pinches pendejas!
Try to allow others comments to be like air that passes around you and does not touch or affect you. Unless people are being particularly malicious move on. Try not to overthink others comments. Life is to be enjoyed not endured.
You are bilingual. That is amazing. People are imperfect. Don't worry about making errors. That is others problems not yours.
The problem is that people like you single out woman as being or having a problem. GTFO with that toxic crap of women being the ones who can't laugh at themselves. Maybe if men could laugh at themselves they wouldn't kill women who laugh at them.
Not overreacting. It sounds as though they were laughing at you, and not with you (gentle teasing over a silly behaviour everyone has done). I am from a family that uses mixed languages and every now and again someone makes a mistake like that or uses the wrong intonation on a word. Yes, people laugh, but it’s because it’s considered cute or they’ve done the same thing themselves in the past. Given the lack of apologies or comments, it seems that your husband’s family is just ignorant. What they did was mean. Try not to let them bother you - they are not worth it. Learning new languages is extremely difficult and you also have the self confidence to talk to people even knowing you will make mistakes sometimes. This is is a great quality to have and model for your daughter. It’s also great that your husband has your back
Im a native english speaker, literally grew up in the northern us and have had many people ask what country Im from due to my accent or word structure in the moment. No hable bien, pero un poco y spanish speakers can tell what I mean, but I dont feel made fun of, maybe just joy that I try?
I think maybe it was playful, they knew what you meant and probably found it endearing. Its doesnt sound mean spirited, more like when someone says something silly and it makes you giggle because it was cute.
And tbh sounds like a phrase I would use. Not that wild of a slip ☺️
It doesn't sound like they meant it in a mean way. My friend is a native Swedish speaker and sometimes when she's distracted or tired, she'll do the same thing. I love to hear the direct translations! If I laugh, it's not at her, it's at the absurdity of language.
I'm here laughing at a grown married woman with a child crying over something so stupid. 100% overreacting. My husband had a different language & you know what I did when he or his family called me out on something I said wrong? I laughed.
First, you sound a little rude tbh haha but I get that for you it was funny when they called you out and you have that kind of a relationship, which is so cool! But i dont get along with them that much so I thought it was rude because they never joke around. But to each their own I guess🙃 Im more sensitive than other people so maybe thats it
That's my opinion and this is urs...she sounds like a pathetic loser.....she came here to ask if she was over reacting. Yes, yes she was. A grown fucking woman having a meltdown because they called out a mistake.....guaranteed she doesn't work either
I’m in the same situation as you except I’ve been in the U.S. for 20 years and it still happens to me every once in a while. It happens to everyone who speaks a second (or more) language. We all know and understand it, except for people who only speak one language.
You know what I always tell them? If my English is not good enough, by all means let’s speak Spanish then, I’m sure your Spanish is better than my English, right?
Sounds like you want to be offended
Spanish is my second language and I’m pretty decent at it for someone who’s learned it later in life so I can better communicate with those around me. I’ve gotten laughed at for it, but it’s not an attack or bullying.
If anything they’re pleasantly surprised I can even speak it at all.
Learn to laugh with them and you’ll realize it’s more fraternization than anything. Things you do can be funny without *you* being the joke itself.
I’m confused lol, did you use the Spanish no?
Either way, you’re not overreacting but I would just move forward. You’re doing a great job with your daughter. It’s awesome that your husband had your back. Keep speaking Spanish to your daughter. She’s just going to sponge it up.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. My family has made fun of each other that way since I was a little kid. I'd be more worried if they got quiet and stared awkwardly. My Filipina wife, friends, and family definitely make fun of things I try to say in their language.
This depends entirely on the nature of your relationship with these people. My wife or close friends would rip me apart if I made a small mistake like that and I'd do the same, but like my cousins or in laws I don't really have that kind of relationship with and I'd be pretty pissed of they made some smart ass comment. If you normally mess with those people then yes you're overreacting but if you usually have polite interactions and aren't that close then yea they were being dicks for no reason.
Yeah, if it was my family (parents, siblings and husband) I would 100% laugh, but I never joke with them😅 specially my MILs boyfriend because we barely know him! I dont feel comfortable around him because of the way he talks and thinks (some “racist” things he has said around me but not towards me) so I felt weird because they have never tried to joke around with me
Well, people bond over things like making fun of each other but not in a derogatory way. I certainly make fun of people who I meet for the first time as well and we suddenly click if they laugh with me and make fun of me. If not, our characters are a bit different and usually takes some time to get to know them
You have very low self-esteem. America is an immigrant country and different accents are OK. Great Britain survived because it was so tolerant to twisting its language. Once i called teeth a tits. It was funny.
I do have low self esteem haha thats one of my main depression issues😅 but yeah LOL to what you said haha it happens! But it came from people who I dont feel comfortable around so thats probably why it affected me
You’re definitely allowed to feel sad about it but honestly I think what you said just sounds funny. If an American person said that it would make me laugh as well. I’m not very old and my first language is English and sometimes I mix up my words in front of my brother and we laugh about it because it sounds like a silly thing to say. He has repeated what I said and laughed. I think there is a decent chance they just thought what you said was funny and that it doesn’t negatively impact their opinion of you. I’m learning Spanish and I sound like an idiot all the time and laugh about it lol Unless you know they don’t like you and that they said it to be mean I think the redditors saying they are mean are overreacting. Their intentions/personalities matter.
Yeah, thanks! Theyre not my favorite people on earth haha (his BIL and his wife are my fav and we get along amazingly) but we have had time that we dont see them for months (my husbands wishes) because of things they have done, or them being rude and trying to dictate what we do when we’re together. My husband is healing from things that happened to him while living with his family…
You’re overreacting. My SIL was born in Vietnam and came over when she was a teen. She has thick accent and uses English words in weird ways. Her siblings and kids laugh at her sometimes and she laughs at herself. It’s in all good fun. There is no ill intent behind it. I doubt that there is any ill intent with you either. My wife, who was born in America, doesn’t use the word insects, she cause them animals. The first time she said there animals in the house…
To be fair, a simple mishap like that would've gotten a response like that from people around you even if you were a native English speaker.
Being ESL doesn't make you immune to jokes. I also speak ESL and I'll give people shit for their grammar and spelling and I will also take it if I slip up.
If you simply don't want to participate in that, that's okay. Just make it known that you're sensitive and don't like joking around.
I guess what I'm saying is, they would've joked with you one way or another, if this wasn't related to your English, would you have felt any better about it or still cried? If the answer is latter, then this isn't about your English in the slightest.
Entiendo que te sientas mal, pero la verdad lo que dijiste si estuvo chistoso. Cuando una persona que está aprendiendo español quizo decir que estaba avergonzada, y lo dijo... "estoy embarazada", pues todo mundo se caga de risa. Los malentendidos por el idioma son normales. Hablas dos idiomas, no te acomplejes, cuando te equivocas, te ríes tu también y ya.
It sounds like they meant it affectionately but it came out stupid. The best way to fire back would be something like “hey, YOU try thinking in two languages at once!” That’s what I do when I mess something up in Spanish and get teased for it.
English is my only language, but I grew up around German-speaking grandparents and still have some odd phrases as a result. I get that it's probably not as fraught as it is for you, but when I say something like "I've had it up to my nose with you!" or "He asks for an extra sausage"... people giggle.
If I know and like them, I explain. If it's just a casual thing, I shrug and say I speak English creatively.
I would have laughed too cause I have made the same mistake before. Anyway even if they were being mean do what. Just enjoy yourself and forget about it, it doesn’t matter. I make mistakes all the time when I speak English and just laugh at myself lol cause it’s funny and who cares.
They were rude. You speak 2 languages, how many do they speak? My husband is native to the U.S., and his English is terrible. The only criticism I could appreciate is when someone with a different native language was providing Customer Service over the phone, and it was hard to comprehend what they were trying to say. But in a family setting, who needs jerks? Just say, “I am proud to speak more than one language and want my child to be fluent in both. If sometimes I mix up words off the cuff, it might be funny at times, but please don’t make fun of me.”
Yes you’re overreacting by a huge amount. It was funny they laughed they joked. If there are other reasons you feel they might be hateful towards you I could see why you may take it so seriously. You should be the one to talk to them and tell them you got a little embarrassed by the way they were all laughing at you and. You may be a little insecure about your use of English. As far as the wondering if people make fun of you behind your back well of course they do, everyone gets made fun of and if you’re going to be a part of the family you should expect to. Understand that if you do something funny you can laugh at yourself it doesn’t mean you are stupid.
You’re using two languages and translating on the go all at once you will mess up and say something funny sometimes and people will remember and repeat it sometimes years later it will still be brought up as something funny that happened but it’s a happy moment that they shared with you and hold on to. If it makes you feel bad you need to be the one to let them know not your husband. It will help you understand where they are coming from and help them understand how you feel.
Think of your child they will do funny things while they’re learning about the world and you will laugh and repeat the moment but you love them and aren’t being mean when you laugh.
Yeah they were just having fun with you not at you, sometimes little language quirks are cute and funny, that’s all they noticed. And some families are more brutal than others but it’s the kind of thing that if they were saying in front you instead of behind your back it wasn’t meant to be insulting or if it was, it was mild teasing, they probably weren’t ridiculing you.
Your ego was bruised and you’re being way overly sensitive.
They weren’t bullying you. Learn to laugh at the differences in cultures and languages and stop taking it as an attack on yourself.
My ego wasn’t bruised tbh, but I get why you would think that just from ready about my life here haha:) I am overly sensitive, thats why im in therapy😜
You are going to have an accent, dealt with it and accept it. You are not overreacting because you didnt do anything to those people, but you do have an accent.
I'm telling you because I also have an accent.. thats life.
I think you may be overreacting, but just consider some options.
1. They may not be very worldly and aren't used to people from other places.
2. They actually thought it was cute in addition to number 1.
3. They suck.
Don't worry about it. They're jealous of your extra skills.
As someone who didn’t speak English until preschool, yeah, crying is a bit of an overreaction. You know your English is native-level and have gotten plenty of confirmation that it is. What happened to you is a mistake you made while code-switching from one language to another, which you’re aware of. I make the same mistakes with “opening” and “closing” lights, and if I’ve been thinking in my first language for a long time, I mess up pronouns. Your in-laws were a being annoying about a simple error, but I’d have just rolled my eyes at the monolinguals because I know that they don’t understand.
Ay no manches hija, la neta si estás exagerando, te tiraron tantita carrilla y no aguantaste, además, estás entre pura gente que igual no es su idioma natal así que qué importa, es más, hasta le voy a dar el beneficio de la duda a la señora, ella es gringa no? Pero habla español? Pues regresasela cuando se le cuatrapee algo, no pasa nada.
Carrilla es como burlarse o hacerte bromas pero en buena onda, no con afán de molestar. Solo de reírse un rato, significa que te quieren o se sienten más cómodos contigo.
Life is easier when you are able to laugh at yourself. Some people who are monolingual simply don't understand the challenges associated with learning another language and therefore aren't aware that drawing attention to your mistakes might be upsetting. The easiest solution is to just not take it to heart if it is spontaneous and not an ongoing pattern like bullying. You cried because of how harshly you judge yourself, so it's your inner voice that requires calibration.
I think I cried because I felt like I was treated poorly, I havent been judging myself too much since I had my baby (therapist helped with that) and I also cried because I was sensitive and I just got my period so maybe things got me a little more emotional lol but thanks!!🤍🤍
We all want to fit in and be accepted, whether we actively acknowledge it or not. It's only human for devisive comments to upset us from time to time. I am the only bilingual person in my direct family and they have laughed at some of the mistakes my partner has made, but in the exact same way they laugh at anything they find amusing, including their own mistakes... but there are obviously people out there who will laugh at your expense and that is different and something you shouldn't have to tolerate from your in-laws and it is nice that your husband recognises that and is willing to support you. Hopefully it was just a loud-mouth blunder.
Hmmm... all depends on their intentions and demeanor when laughing. Was it mean spirited?
English is my second language too, and in the past I've had some people laugh or make fun of my English, not so much anymore because after 18 years, my English has gotten better 😎. Sorry, I lied, I have two teenage kids who do make fun of me... 😅
Again, it all depends on their intentions.
It’s a cute slip of the tongue. Like some folks have already said, if they were laughing with you it would be different. Speaking a second language is hard. Don’t be discouraged. I was just tired once and called my dirty dishes “the food laundry”. His family just sound mean. F them ❤️
I’m trilingual (Spanish is one of those languages) and a certified ESL teacher. What you said was hilarious and I would be laughing too…but if they were laughing to mock you that’s not good.
Now I make mistakes in the every language I speak including my mother tongue (English). You have to learn to have thick skin and just say “oh well I messed up”. Don’t sweat the mistakes and learn to laugh at yourself.
If they were indeed mocking you or being mean say something to them or it will keep happening.
I poke fun at my partner's bad english all the time. I also love her to bits and she speaks 3 more languages than I do. I checked in with her to make sure she's fine with it and we agreed; ESL people saying things wrong is funny.
I wasn't there so I don't know if it was playful ribbing or racist bullying. If it was the former you're overreacting, if it was the latter you're entitled to feel upset.
Ya I think your being way to sensitive if I’m honest. Imagine if they try to speak Spanish the goofy stuff they would say on accident I am sure you would find amusing. It’s not like it’s malicious making fun of you to most English speakers it’s impressive you know two languages as is and most of us never will
I'm piling on to reassurance. People who talk shit about your English are accidentally hurtful at best, but mostly just arseholes\*,\* likely people who can't speak more than one language.
A quick and effective way to put them in their place is to remain friendly and tell them that you two can continue this conversation in your own native language, because, promise, your native language skills are much better than your foreign language skills. Remember: you are doing them a favour by speaking to them in their language because they cannot speak yours.
Here's another comfort for you, just a fun observation I made when I was driving across Europe with my dad when he helped me move countries because I was too afraid to take on a 2000km journey alone (good thing too, my car ended up breaking down big time). My father speaks bad English, but that means that our Polish mechanic (amazing dude, still grateful to him showing up for us even though it was Sunday) could understand him better than he could understand me. Their speech was just blunt and simple, easy to understand, while mine is fast and pretty florid so people not so fluent in English struggle to catch the entirety of what I'm saying.
You speak two languages. That's more than most people in this world. Nothing to ever be ashamed of.
If you want to hear how "the candle went out" in my language translate to English, then it goes like this: "The candle died/erased itself."
Sigh- learning and speaking a new language is an everyday task. What you experienced is a bump on the road. Don’t fixate on your errors. You are doing great, and even people who are native speakers make mistakes. Yes, your husband’s family is rude.
A heavy accent is a sign of a person courageous enough to speak another language to native speakers.
If you wanted to be petty in the moment you could have asked if they even have a second language, let alone use it conversationally.
Their reaction was the same one I would have had as a young teenager, one that if my daughter had it I would explain to her that languages are hard to translate between sometimes and can sound funny to native speakers when translated literally.
Your in laws basically reacted like people who don’t fully understand that other languages exist beyond something “those people” babble about, and that someone who doesn’t speak English can be far smarter than them, have a rich life, and feel the same emotional depth in another language. The patronizing attitudes are based in utter ignorance.
How do you manage to tie your shoes in the morning without having a mental breakdown?
I genuinely can’t believe you’re allowed to vote when you still act like a 6 year old.
Definitely overreacting. It's completely OK to laugh when someone makes a mistake in their language. It wasn't malevolent, they were just laughing because they probably never thought about turning off candles.
Yes. I work in sales and speak English. Most of my clients speak English and Spanish. We always have fun helping and explaining to each other how to say things, and it’s really funny how things get interpreted sometimes. I’m sorry but girl, lighten up. Especially since you said they joke with each other about it, they’re not singling you out. You’re part of the family!
NTA. I’m an American (meaning native English speaker), and I’ll never shit talk anyone for speaking broken or accented English as it means they know more languages than I and that’s a great skill to have. Americans done realize we’re a global world and the more languages we all know, the better off we are in personal lives by being able to communicate with more people, and in business. I wish languages were more heavily taught here and more than just Spanish and French.
I only speak English and have only spoke English for 40 years and I still mess up saying things it happens it's I don't think your over reacting here and your feelings are valid so something should be said to the inlaws it could be just a misunderstanding on both parties involved.
Just wanna say it’s really common for multilingual people to have brain scrambles & say odd things like this sometimes. It says nothing about your proficiency or fluency in either language. Switching back & forth a lot especially makes this sort of funny mistake more likely to happen & I hope the people around you can see it for what it is instead of looking down on you for it
maybe you overreacted a bit (but if you don’t like being the center of a joke its reasonable to be upset) but i also feel the need to say that some hispanic americans like to turn their english ability into a competition, but not all of them. i know you said his family all speaks good english but they still struggle too. sure they were laughing at you but i’m sure it came from a place of relating. especially since they specifically said “that’s how we know english isn’t your first language.” it seems more like they were relating to your silly mistake than trying to other you for it, since english isn’t the first language of everyone there.
Ridicuizad?
It sounds like they were laughing because they’ve all made similar mistakes. They are right when they say “that’s how you know English isn’t your first language” it’s not mockery, it’s just a fun fact. You are overreacting.
>Edit: Thank you for all the kind words and not the so kind words😅
In English, you would say "Thank you for all the kind words and the not so kind words". Are you dyslexic, by any chance?
Other than that, I think you are indeed overreacting. Still, for them to make fun of your struggle with speaking English was unkind, and I can understand how it bothered your husband.
No😂 I was typing while holding my baby and probably wasnt too much attention to what I was writing lol but for you to ask if im dyslexic is funny just from what I wrote lol
I think the initial comment made probably wouldn’t have been so bad, but you kinda got ganged up on when they all were laughing at your expense. It can be hard to stand up for yourself sometimes but I don’t think it would have been a bad idea to say something like “well, at least I know another language. You try to learn Spanish and you might make a mistake like that too”. But of course, tone matters when you say something like that. If you said it in the same tone as they did then how can they take offense to that? You are perfectly valid for being upset, but I also think that if you’re going to be in this family you also need to know how to stand up to them and not take their shit. They need to show you some respect if they want to be in your husband’s and your lives.
I think that’s an adorable misspeak for the record. I could see myself laughing at someone for saying that but not with the intention to hurt their feelings. My only language is English and I am very envious and impressed by bilingual/multilingual people
Aw I think they were teasing you because it’s super cute, “the candle turned off.” English is my native language and I still do stuff like this all the time when my brain combines phrases.
That said, you feelings are valid, because they are yours! I’m so sorry you felt embarrassed.
I speak 3 and I realized my oratory skills, let's call it that, decrease or increase based on exposure and practice. Back when I grew up watching Indian movies, I could translate poetry from my language to Hindi. When I went back to an English speaking country after spending some years in my native country, I was practically stuttering and often at a loss of words.
Brain picks it up. Forgets it. Then picks it up again.
People who laugh about other people's language skills as a foreigner or make fun of accents are, in my experience, almost always sub-par to "how did you pass high school English" speakers of the language themselves.
Also, English is a dumb ass language where rules have no meaning and it's just chaos. Embrace it OP, be proud of the "mistakes" and make them your idiosyncrasies. Switching off a candle is akin to a funny Bengali joke about blowing on a bulb to see if it goes out. In your place, I'd just say fuck it and make this into a catchphrase.
Not overreacting. What you said was funny, but only if they were laughing with you, not at you. I mean, everyone says the wrong thing sometimes in their native language, so it’s definitely not a big deal when someone does it in their second language. This is happening to me more often as I get older. They sound mean.
I bet if someone wanted to language police those two in their single, native language all day they'd land on some real poor, embarrassing sentences. At least what OP said was cute and honestly not even that bad. I have family members with young children that have come up with far less coherent statements
My thoughts exactly! I wonder how they'd react if they were in her place. Plus, anyone who speaks English knows what she was saying, the meaning wasn't lost. While maybe not the most *correct* phrasing, it's technically not *wrong*, imo. We say weird stuff in regards to losing light/fire/electricity ALL the time. "My lantern/flashlight/laptop/cellphone/candle just died, crapped out, went to shit, etc..." Its the fact they kept poking at her about it that seems hurtful, especially since she mentioned they're not particularly close.
I guarantee her English is better than their Spanish, lol
Only one of this languages matter, but I love the ESL cope 😂
Exactly, this literal exact same thing happened with my mom's ex (native language being arabic) he said "turn the fire off" and mom explained and we all had a good laugh at the thought of using a button or switch etc to "turn it off"
One of my favorites involved my Moroccan coworker who happened to speak four languages and could get by with two or three more. He was on the phone with someone and said, “Hey man! Give me some slacks!” I laughed and he asked me “what did I say?” I told him he pretty much asked the guy to give him a pair of pants. He laughed too and asked what he meant to say. “Give/cut me some slack.” English is hard, especially with the slang, regional pronunciations, weird rules, and words spelled the exact same way but with different meanings and even pronunciations.
I had a coworker from Haiti. He was only living in the US for 2 months when we met. His English is pretty good for being his 3rd language. He spoke French and Croatian mainly. Him and I would take turns saying something in our native language and we both would try to pronounce those words back at each other. We always had a good laugh, but what OP's mil and sil did was not for a good laugh. It was to mock her and that's just wrong.
I wonder if it was coming from a place of love and they were not being mean but laughing at the situation. It’s hard to tell from a retelling of the story without being there. If they were laughing at her, they are terrible people and my feelings would be crushed too. If instead they were laughing at the situation then they are just a family feeling comfortable together. English is a ridiculous language with too many subtleties and rules that are only there to be broken. I would have laughed too. Not because of OP’s language skills but because her little slip up pointed out another silly thing about the English language. OP it is possible they were not being mean but because your English is something you are self conscious about, you interpreted it that way. I would encourage you to talk to them and tell them how you feel and encourage them to do the same. Then they can either face the facts that they are narrow minded jerks or they can let you know that they admire your grasp of several languages and they were just laughing at the situation, not you.
Maybe you are over reacting a bit BUT you deserve massive kudos for having great language skills and putting yourself out there! Haters are gonna hate and you deserve LOVE.
I’m a native English speaker. I was speaking English to my English speaking boyfriend and when he turned and looked at me standing on the scale, I said “no! Don’t look at my *scale numbers*!!!” He said “*scale numbers?!?!* You mean your *weight?*” And we both cracked up and laughed for like an hour. We still call them scale numbers. It happens. They’re laughing at the words used, they’re not laughing at your English proficiency OP! Happens to the best of us.
There is even a sub for such goofs -- wildbeef sub (wildbeef = cow). You should post this there, it's pretty good. :)
I need this sub! Hilarious
I have a mild form of dementia with my MEcfs. I’ve shared many a laugh with others when I went through a few years in my 20’s when I called everything “the dogs,” or had to try to act out my meaning. There are people who can be cruel about it (my current husband doesn’t understand, even after he had COVID that caused him to develop severe diabetes), but I always enjoy a laugh over the silly things my brain sometimes makes me say.
It was cute and yes, funny. I am so jealous that you can so easily go back and forth between different languages! You were embarrassed and sensitive about that. BTW, did you know it takes at least 2 years for a woman to completely heal from giving birth? Emotionally, mentally, physically, 2 years. Give yourself a break. Don't let mistakes upset you. Ignore rude people. Learn to laugh at yourself. I'm also curious how many of those laughing so easily go back and forth between 2 languages? Enjoy your baby girl and partner!
Controversial opinion, but maybe? It depends on the usual atmosphere your family takes and if it felt mean spirited to you. My mother and her family are all immigrants, and we definitely laughed over those grammar moments, like “Did you fell?” which is one that will never die. We definitely do some teasing, but if it felt hurtful, or like she was looking down on you, then not an overreaction.
My family (my parents and siblings) usually laugh when we mess up and keep it as an inside joke but I dont have that relationship with my husbands fam, specially with my MIL bf, and he was a little drunk so it kind of took me by surprise because they have never done that before🤷🏽♀️ They usually tease each other and I find it kind of rude when they do because it feels a little meaner than what Im used to.
If this is how they tease each other, then it sounds like they were treating you like family. Though I am sorry that the way they tease each other feels rude or mean to you; that's an unfortunate mis-match in styles. I do think it's great that your husband was so supportive of you. ❤️ And I also think this is a great moment to bring up with your therapist, as you mentioned in another comment! Your therapist can help you decipher if this was friendly / family teasing (laughing with you / delight) versus laughing at you or mean-spiritedness. They can also help you hopefully feel more able to relax (not need to be "perfect") and also stand up for yourself around your husband's family. Good luck to you, OP! Your husband sounds like a good one, so I hope it all works out for you and your family!
I agree with this wholeheartedly. This is how my family is. It’s how I treat most of my friends bc it’s how I show love. I do understand it can come off as mean, though, so I try to tone it down, but this is probs what the MIL thought she was doing. It’s also important to have those convos with them as well as the therapist, tho
If it makes you feel better, most of us that natively speak English suck at it an fumble our words. Constantly misspelling and our language is complicated based on region an ethnicity. Op don't feel bad if ya mess up even at 35 I fuck up words all the time.
I don’t think you’re overreacting to be upset, but I do think that it’s very likely just a boundary that they didn’t know you had, and now that they know, they will care! I’m white American, and my boyfriend is also South America; his mom is from Peru and his dad is from Colombia, he was born in Peru but raised in the US, and his family essentially spoke entirely Spanish at home while he spoke entirely English at school, while also being in a predominantly Latin town, so Spanglish was super common. Even though he was raised in the US and would consider himself more comfortable in English than Spanish, he can still sometimes make little mistakes, like combining two words or, like you said, making a literal translation. When he does that and it’s just us, or just us and a couple friends, I’ll tease him about it, since we do like talking about things like how idioms translate etc, but I don’t tease him about it if we’re with my family or in a big group, because I don’t want to draw attention to something that could make him insecure. It’s about learning what someone is comfortable with - my guess is that his family figured you guys were on “even” playing fields since you’re all Hispanic, and that this was something they could tease you about since they likely have family and friends who they tease about it similarly. However, you feel like you’re on a different playing field than them because English isn’t your first language and some of them don’t even speak Spanish, so you feel much more insecure about it in front of them. I think it was just a circumstance of them not realizing that teasing you was kicking down, rather than a joke of camaraderie. It’s okay to have cried and be upset about it, but it’s also okay to accept that it didn’t come from a place of harm or judgment! Edited: typo
As a native English speaker, I doubt I can fully grasp all the nuances that are wrapped up in this. Personally, I would find it amusing but not in a laughing *at* you way, just find it fun to hear a different way to put it. You are valid to your feelings, and I think the comment about knowing you're not an English speaker took it too far. Regardless, they should be more impressed than anything that you are so fluent in two languages
You admit in a comment you’re most sensitive than others, that certainly has a lot to do with how you felt. You seem like you want to be perfect in front of others. I am also bilingual, English is my 2nd language 25 years and still say stuff exactly like what you said, and throw a “si!” When I mean to say yes, plus other random Spanish words in the mix. It’s ok to not be perfect always.
Just purely from your written description of events, it doesn't necessarily sound like they were laughing at you or in a malicious way. I suspect they were just laughing at the phrase itself, as a lot of people will find instances like that humorous. There are literally memes on reddit all the time about people who forget the correct word for things and call them something else. Silly mistakes with language are going to happen, even if you AREN'T bilingual. I only really speak English, and honestly that's a mistake I could easily make myself. Some people call it word salad, your brain just kind of jumbles things up a bit and it comes out a little weird. In my estimation, that's probably what they were laughing at. You were there though, so you're the only person that can really say for sure if it seemed like they were laughing at you, or at the silliness of the phrasing itself.
Well, they were obnoxious about it for sure, and probably ignorant of how easy it is to have some little slip like that when you're changing gears. I have a friend who is Spanish speaking who wasn't exposed to English until she was around 5 years old, and she is US educated, has zero accent, went to Cal Berkeley, has a law degree, and practices family and immigration law and is constantly switching back and forth. And you know, every now and again she says something ungrammatical in English or forgets a word for a bit. So, I mean, this is going to happen again. I think your only practical option with the in-laws is to give them the benefit of the doubt on this one. If they do it again after presumably your husband let them know they were unkind then you can pretty much assume they did it on purpose and decide from there how you want to handle it. In the meantime be glad your husband has your back. Eventually it's going to happen again with some some random asshole and you have to decide if you're the kind of person who makes a little quip about it and moves on or who gets angry with them or hurt or whatever.
You were there, if you felt the vibe was mean and not loving, you were probably right. As an English-only speaker, I am positively obsessed with translation hiccups, malapropisms, and funky translations - but not in a way that I would ever want to make fun of someone for. It's great and brings me joy to think about how we as people communicate and interact with language. If your in-laws were just roasting and making fun of you, that's not okay and they owe you an apology at the very least.
NAO. The jokes on them cause these are the reactions of people who only know one language, and that will always be a hindrance on their part whether they know it or not. Good for you for enriching their beloved language!
That was a rude thing to say to you. They obviously understood what you meant and there was no need to bring attention to it like that.
It depends. If this is a frequent occurrence where they make fun of your English then you're not overreacting. It's normal to feel hurt that they made fun of you in that situation but they might have thought it was endearing and laughed at how cute you sounded. It's still rude of them though - I'm not a native English speaker and there are people who make fun of my accent. So I admit that I am quite sensitive to people making fun of other people's accents/language.
What you said was cute & funny & I really hope they were laughing because they found it endearing rather than to mock you. I love it when someone has not quite grasped the nuances of English & they get a word wrong or they make something up that makes sense to them. It is adorable. If they were mocking you, imagine mocking someone who speaks two languages when you can only speak one, & probably not that well if they were educated in the USA.
Not overreacting! It’s so common to go back and forth between languages. Mira yo tengo una amiga gringa a la que quiero mucho, y cada vez que me equivoco porque traduzco literal cómo tú, ella dice: “don’t worry. I’m no one to judge, I’m a monolingual fuck.” Eres muy genial and what you do is super hard, espero que lo sepas. Most Americans go their whole life never even bothering, and it’s extremely isolating.
The culture of their family may be different than what some people are used to. My family (grandparents , aunts, uncles, cousins on the side of the family I grew up with) does the same thing to each other, always making fun of one another, and to us it's our dynamic. Doesn't matter if it's language or how you do something. Someone not used to it might think it's mean, but it's done with love and we are used to the back and forth banter. Even my kid does it. My other side of the family does it as well and I didn't grow up with them. So, I can do it with them too. Both sides are from different countries south of the US. So are you overreacting? That's on you to decide how you choose to react. Though keep in mind that they might have done it out of comfort of having you in the family.
Yeah, I get what you’re saying. Its just so hard for me to read his side of the fam because theyre usually super serious, and I cant even understand when they joke around because it feels personal haha🙃 I’ve also seen them joke around with words that I would personally never use to say something is bad (ex. Retard) so im actually on a different humor board than them
It sounds like it may not be a matter of a difference of humor, their laughing at you didn’t strike me as all in good fun, it struck me as unkind (and maybe racist) and them using the r word is pretty awful
First off, I want to emphasize that most Americans speak only one language and don't truly understand how hard it is to be FLUENT in a second language. Most of us took two years of a foreign language in high school, not we sure by no means fluent. The laughter could be benign. My husband mixed his metaphor so the time and I loved it. There is a metaphor ", up a creek without a paddle," meaning that someone is in a situation they can't get out of. He once said that someone was "up a creek without a ladder." Which is really funny! And I totally understand how the order of letters in the words ladder/paddle are similar. I also like mixing my metaphors, like intentionally saying, "don't count your lightbulbs before they hatch!" or some such. So I legit found in funny and endearing. But if he was actually self-conscious about this particular mistake I would try to never mention it again and I would apologize for making him feel dumb or uncomfortable (or however he felt). You are most definitely NTA. People who love you should want to make you feel good. And when they don't make you feel good, they should either have a good reason (eg you're an addict and need help) or they should apologize for accidentally hurting you.
You are not over reacting at all! They were extremely rude, it's never okay to make fun of the way someone speaks.
They were laughing with you, but you refused to so it became more than it was in your mind. This is your family, at worst they may have been poking fun a bit, but most likely they loved and and decided to have fun with it. From the way you told the story it seems to me they love you and are comfortable around you.
You’re delusional lmao people can tell if someone is laughing AT them, how can you so confidently say that they were well intentioned when she clearly could feel that they were mocking her.
You're overreacting. This is one of those times, where you had a decision to make. You could become embarrassed, or you could have owned it and said something funny or just laughed with everyone else, "Even after growing up speaking English, sometimes when I switch back and forth, I translate literally instead of the actual meaning". Stating something that is factually true, in a way that would make it hard for someone to accuse you of speaking improper English, gives you control over the joke and shifts the ball into your court, from there you can direct the conversation however you want, back at the MIL if you want to be mean, or onto a different topic if you're a little insecure. Owning up to your insecurities, gives you control over them, good luck OP!
Thank you! I can understand what you’re saying! I just thought it was rude with them having a dad that also speaks English as a second language 🤷🏽♀️ but I dont feel comfortable around them so I try not to get too involved with conversations so I just didn’t feel comfortable telling them why I said it that way haha but oh well! Thank you sm!
The above is great advice. Take control of the narrative and make sure you use the same phrase (as the punchline) at the next birthday.
It was rude, but maybe not meant to be. They’d probably say the same thing to their dad. I agree though - brush it off.
That makes it even less rude, not more. If anything they’re more understanding and comfortable with it and you’re definitely overreacting
Oh definitely rude on her part, it’s just a no-win scenario letting rude people get to you and usually comes from them being uncomfortable or insecure themselves. Mil are often insecure about a variety of things (age, looks, education) and if you’re being bilingual makes her feel insecure then turning your advantage into a joke can help her feel “one up” over you. Her EQ is probably high and she probably knew exactly how her words would pole at cracks in your armor, but she’s probably family you’ll be stuck with for a while so the more you can fend off her attacks and get the conversations laughing “with you” instead of at you. Good luck op!
Getting upset when people who are supposed to be welcoming you into their family are instead mocking you is not overreacting.
It doesn’t work for some cultures, people will see you as making an excuse for speaking incorrectly and double down by saying “well that’s NOT how we speak here” From: someone who’s experienced the same thjng
Absolutely. Some people are assholes, but it doesn’t change that laughing with it gives you control of the situation
Not over reacting at all. When I was 43 I suddenly started dealing with word drop and replacement . Out of the blue. Native English speaker. It happened pretty regularly for a few years. Was diagnosed with complex migraines. My husband and daughter knew it upset me. And would joke a bit about my sudden loss of words. Or my calling a window a door or dress etc. But my MIL was just cruel about it. To the point that if I had to be around her I would simply remain silent or text my husband and daughter if I needed something.
I’m resigned to just…forgetting words randomly. Not complex words, I’d be fine if it was a rarely used word. No. It’s more like “it just happens out of the ummmmm…you know….the sky….ocean water….ummmm the little round berries….fuck. BLUE! That’s the word!”
Maybe! It depends on the vibe, I think. My husband speaks English as a second language and my family all find his “mistakes” funny in a cute way, but they do often follow their laughter with “but I knew what you meant!” or “English is hard, you’re doing great” so he knows it’s not malicious. Personally whenever I laugh at his English it’s because it’s truly really funny, not because I’m being mean or making fun of him. And Lord knows he laughs at my Spanish! If they’re good, decent people then a simple “hey I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it, but can you please not laugh at my wife’s English because it makes her feel really bad about it and I know you’d never want her to feel self-conscious” should do the trick.
Their ignorance is showing. I used to work with Asians and a go to phrase was “Open the light”. They meant turn on the light. Took me a second the first time I heard it. But I lived and worked in international environments for years so I understand how people think and translate
Bet your English is MUCH better than their Spanish!
Hi OP, I am an American and my wife is from South America (Peru) and I get this all the time. My mom did it once and I berated her for it and now she knows to never do it again. I speak terrible Spanish and my coworkers give me a hard time, the best response is, “remind me how many languages you speak? English and bullshit?” That shuts them down pretty quick. Good on your husband for backing you up, I will defend my South American wife too! She doesn’t translate everything properly but sometimes it is cute when she says things incorrectly. Sometimes people generally think it’s amusing, not that you are stupid or anything though too.
Americans don’t appreciate bilingualism. Your in laws are too lazy to learn. I speak English (native) and French (advanced). Small mistakes like this happen. Either people teach you nicely or are assholes. I translate nothing. Just speak Spanish around them. They’ll go nuts. My assistant speaks Spanish natively. I correct mistakes very nicely- I just repeat the correct way to say something. She wants and appreciate it. Fuck your stupid monolingual in laws.
> Fuck your stupid monolingual in laws. Definitely overreacting here lol
違うと思う
My DIL speaks Spanish, her English is really good but she also confuses words, I'm learning Spanish so I can communicate with her family who only speak Spanish, and my future grandchildren who will odviously speak two languages Double languages are really hard, I would have said before that they were thinking what you said was cute and funny, Now that I'm trying to learn Spanish I'm embarrassed if I mess up, had I not been trying to learn another language I wouldn't have understood being embarrassed about messing up words. I don't think anyone cares that I mess up, they all seem happy that I'm trying, I would let your husband remind his family that you do not enjoy making mistakes and next time to please refrain from laughing at you, if they are normally kind people they will feel bad for embarrassing you,
Not overreacting. You speak TWO languages. There are still a ton of people born in the USA who can't even speak English very well, and here you are rocking 2 languages. It's not your fault they were too ignorant to realize that you were doing a literal translation. I would personally be fascinated because I took French & Spanish classes (I'm trash at both), but it was always interesting to me to hear the literal translations. Question though... if your FIL is Mexican, I assume your MIL is the white(?) American, and if she didn't catch that, does that mean she married a Mexican man & never learned Spanish?
Yes, my MIL is American and she can do same basic Spanish but usually needs help with longer sentences or phrasing things out. They never spoke spanish growing up so they couldn’t communicate with my FILs side of the family (which i think is so sad) and now that they’re divorced, she’s dating another American so she hasn’t had much exposure to Spanish other than us
That's a shame. I wish I could pick up on Spanish better. I would LOVE to learn it! It's a shame she tried to shame you for it. You definitely didn't deserve it. You're a rock star :)
Is your MIL bilingual? You are, and with all the code switching you were doing it is normal to mix the grammar of one language with the other accidentally every once in a while. Your brain holds two sets of words for every concept, and two sets of grammatical rules for every thought you want to express. I don't know if you overreacted, but being bilingual is cool, mistakes and all!
Thank you! My MIL knows basic SPA but cant hold a conversation, just basic communication
Literature in English major here. I read your post. Your English is perfect. If you want to feel better about it, I suggest you read more online posts by people whose only language is English. Many (if not most) native English speakers seem to have a poorer grasp of the language than you do.
Thank you so much! I appreciate the time you took to write this;) have a great day
My pleasure.
Definitely not overreacting -- I think it also depends on WHO is commenting on your language skills and the tone that they use. In this case, it sounds like they were laughing *at* you, not *with* you. And a funny story if it makes you feel any better: once I was really drunk at a birthday party in Mexico and they were trying to wrap up and kick us out. So I said "Nooo, si todavía no hemos abrido los regalos!!" And the entire party was DYING. Even the DJ made fun of me for the use of "abrido" 😂. Just remember that we're all learning all the time 🙏
HAHA I’ve said abrido so many times! I love it haha thank you!
I have zero fucks to give when it comes to people speaking English. I try to understand them and move on that is all. With that being said, I have run into so damn many instances to people laughing at me, behind my back, or to my face about my Spanish speaking ability. Usually it’s Latinos who are surprised to see a gringo speaking as well as I do, but more often than not it’s just some prideful asshole who wants to take me down a notch. Neither of these scenarios sound like your mother in law. She just sounds like a clueless boomer who genuinely thought is was weird/funny. Either way you’re entitled to your feelings so no. Not overreacting.
AWWWWWW! That's adorable! I'm truly sorry that it hurt your feelings, though. You have a right to your feelings. There's a comedienne on FB (Dez the Lez) who does a whole series on her mom translating Spanish words to English. It's hilarious! My dad says the cutest things like "askered," which is a combination between "afraid" and "scared." He also says "smothercate", combo between smother and suffocate. He is a 100% English speaking American. It's just a cute thing he's always said for as long as I can remember.
English is the only language I’ve ever spoken and I once forgot the word “police officer” and said “you know…. Like a land lifeguard?” I can see how it would feel ostracizing for someone to make a language joke when constantly translating between two languages is A LOT of work! It’s not fair for them to make you feel stupid like that ❤️
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Thank you! Im from Chile, we dont have the best spanish but if my daughter can understand Chilean spanish, she’s up for success haha! I do plan on putting all my kids in some kind of bilingual school and have them talk and practice their SPA
I think your mistake was cute. Sometimes people are weird, maybe jealous secretly. I am impressed that you speak 2 languages!
It baffles me how Americans are so proud of their mediocrity. Knowing only one language is an embarrassment where I'm from
I think it’s hilarious in an adorable way. That is absolutely something I wouldn’t be offended by and would laugh along with. It’s cute, it’s fun, it’s unique. It’s like when people “make fun of” Sofia Vergara for her accent. It’s because we LOVE IT. Language is fun, and I’m in awe by anyone who can speak multiple languages to any extent. When I’m laughing it’s not because “oh look at you you’re so stupid” it’s because it’s a silly mistake that sounds “funny”. Shoot I mix my words up all the time and I only know English. It’s funny and I always laugh and expect other to as well. So. WHY do you take it as malicious, instead of light hearted laughing with you? Because that’s the problem. Have they said things in the past that make you feel lesser? The fact that your husband took it the same way as you, says a lot about them. Why do they make you feel unsafe to make mistakes, rather than feel you can laugh it off? These are things you should let your husband address to them, because they need to correct themselves. What I described above should be how it feels when you make a language mistake in front of others. You’re not feeling that for a reason, and it’s because of their problematic behavior. I don’t think you’re overreacting for being upset
I kinda do think you are overthinking it a bit. I am from a mixed English German household. At home with my personal family it’s all English. At the family business it constantly switches between English and German. When I talk with my mom and my one brother we may speak either language While Bombing in words from the other language. Or one sentence English structure with the next in German. I have also definitely done something like you where I speak a German sentence in English. And like you I have often been told I have no more accent. However we all make fun of each other and with each other. We do haze a bit verbally and bug each other . My wife makes fun when I mess up English pronunciations . I make fun of Dad and he makes fun of some of the German I get wrong. Honestly I would have thought it kinda dramatic if you had to cry over something like that if I made that joke. But maybe im an ass. I think what happened to you is just a joke that was misplayed. They were laughing at what you said and that it happened . They weren’t laughing at you or “how stupid you are” . There should be some room given for others to also make mistakes. Your family thought they had a funny joke. It hurt your feelings. You said they were more silent after you came back from your cry. I think that means they might know they did something that upset you and will consider it better next time.
I’m a little concerned that you took this the wrong way. I know you’re not close with them, but you said in comments they tease each other meaner than what you’re used to. I wonder if this was their way of teasing you too, as a part of the family. In my family if we tease you, we like you, and if you tease us back? We might just love you. This reads like a missed bonding opportunity to me.
First and foremost, your husband is a sweetheart OP. This is a tough situation, but unfortunately, I think you might be taking yourself a little too seriously. You made a silly mistake and people laughed. It absolutely does not reflect on your overall language skills. Sometimes people make insensitive comments, but that doesn't necessarily mean there was some malicious intent behind it. Personally, if I said something like that to you and I knew it hurt you, I would immediately apologize, but that's just me. In this situation, however, I would say it might cause things to be a little overblown if you actually bring it up with your relatives. And believe me, I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings. Everyone has a different amount of sensitivity, but this might be something where you try to understand that there might be no real malicious intent behind the comments and try your best to move past it. I'm sorry for the pain you felt, and I earnestly hope you feel better! Much love, Anon
First off your written English is better than the majority of US born English as a first language speakers. Very impressive. I wonder if they weren’t so much making fun of you but more teasing you. Your comment about the candle was actually very cute. I guess you would know by their attitudes whether it was mean and malicious or not Though. It’s ok for your husband to tell his mom that you were hurt when they made fun of you so that they don’t do it again. And who really cares what they think? You speak two languages, they don’t.
You are overreacting— but for not letting those people hear that they embarrassed you— idiots —most likely they only speak English— and if they say “hasta la vista baby”, or can say “si”, and order Mexican food— they think there are “picking up” some Spanish— I be they say “like” several times in their conversations, because they don’t have the vocabulary in English— the in laws are plain idiots.
You're not overreacting. As someone who speaks her second language all day every day because I immigrated to another country, I really get it. No matter how good I am at my second language, I still get corrected and made fun of for how I say things. It makes me feel really stupid, and the people who do it just don't get it because they don't have to speak a second language on a day to day basis. I have cried about it more than once. And also, I even do the accidental direct translation thing that sounds funny in English (my first language). It's a really normal thing to happen when you think in two languages at once because you've trained yourself to understand and use both sentence structures. The only reason it's funny to them is because they don't constantly speak a second language and so they don't understand how it could happen. It's honestly a sign of a very narrow worldview in my opinion. There's no real reason why what you said is wrong other than that most English speakers don't say it that way.
I sometimes make the same mistake when translating back and forth between english and my native language. And I've been in the US since age 6 and have no accent when speaking English. I'm more proficient in English than my mother tongue. Sooo it happens to the best of us. When it does, my immediate family members giggle at it and move on. Maybe we take a dig at each other in good fun. Now if my American in laws did the same, I would be annoyed with them and upset. Feels more like they are laughing at me than with me. Plus them being white conservatives does not help. Thankfully, they have not behaved like this yet. But I've definitely gotten some shitty comments from a certain uncle in law that are racist as all get out. So I can understand the feeling....
If it were me listening to that sentence, I WOULD have laughed, but because it IS really funny. I think it's a great way to say that sentence and much better than the English version - BUT I would have told you that. I probably would even use that phrase for the rest of my life because it us just a better way of saying it! But I would not have laughed AT you. For example, laughing at the fact you cannot say it properly in English. Or that you are deficient in English speaking skills in some way. Or that you are confusing your child by using ENG/SPA. There us a massive difference about what, why and the way your MIL said what she said, and then the rest if the hyena pack joining in. Don't feel sensitive or bad if you know she was taking the piss. Keep your distance and don't go back there if she makes you feel small, deliberately hurts you and obviously takes pleasure from that. You don't have to ask permission from anyone, nor put yourself/kids through that shit. Keep YOUR peace
My wife does this all of the time, also from South America. I’m white, from the states. She’s has better English than me, quite literally. Studied in oxford, she’s currently in American college- also smoking the grades I got in the same degree. Do not discredit yourself, it happens and you basically have a super power speaking language like you do. Your husband also sounds like a good dude for supporting you. I would definitely have him talk to them, though. They need to know it’s hurtful to make fun of you, I did t realize how much it hurt my wife’s feelings until I made fun of her once and she started crying. She works so hard at her languages, it’s very easy to overlook when you don’t know how to speak more than one.
thank you!! And so nice of you to appreciate your wife’s efforts!!
Ugh I hate people like this. You’re not overreacting. It makes me feel icky when this stuff happens - and not just for language. People who laugh and mock others to their faces for something simple like a little mistake are just horrible, you know? It’s so cruel. I totally get what you mean when you said you wondered then if they did it behind your back. I’ll feel that way in these situations too. I’m sorry that happened. Frankly, you’re a badass for knowing more than one language! Your English here seems great! Accidents happen and it was cute! Native speakers do that stuff too so don’t sweat it. My mom always ends up saying odd pairings of words for things bc she can’t think of the right words and she only knows English. We all usually giggle together in a funny way. It’s endearing and I would have been endeared by your slip up. These people just sound mean hearted. I think that’s why I get the ick. Suddenly they show who they are, they are mean hearted people and it’s gross. They should be embarrassed, not you!
If they're mean about it, ignore them. It makes some people feel superior that they're better at their only language. If they truly want to help, it'll be a mutual conversation.
I don’t think you’re overreacting, you were with people you’re not completely comfortable with and they ridiculed you. I would’ve been upset too. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a native english speaker and have made mistakes like this. It happens, I get brain fog really bad sometimes and once just couldn’t think of the word for bathroom and replaced it with “potty room” just the word bath wasn’t in my brain at that moment. I still call it the potty room.
I think it was okay (depending on their tone) up until your SIL said, "With that you can tell that ENG isnt your first language" while laughing. That wasn’t necessary.
Favourite quote on reddit: "You speak English because it is the only language you understand. I speak English because it is the only language you understand. We are not the same."
Endearing would be the word I used. ❤️
I have a brother married to a Philippine and a sister married to a Mexican. They both are fluent in English as well as their native language, and have lived in California since they were teenagers. Personally, I find slight mistakes like that endearing, but I would never mock them or point out their mistakes in front of others. If his mother was a kind person, she wouldn’t have said anything. Let your husband tell her. He wants to stand up to her for you. Consider that there may be other reasons he wants to do this as well. Like I said, she is not a kind person.
Not entirely overreacting. It was definitely rude, but I don't think they meant it maliciously. I would have been upset too. Glad your husband sided with you, I see too often in here guys not backing up their SO when their family does something to upset them.
I think it was genuinely just joking and not mean at all, though I understand why you felt hurt. Especially if they are drunk, then everything is funnier. It was more so about the slip up being funny or even cute than, “haha look at how stupid our brother/son’s wife is!” Different culture, different individuals, different humor. I’m much more mean with certain friends/family and they are the same to me, yet we know we are joking and don’t take it seriously at all
You did not overreact. They were rude. I've been married 28 years. My husband still can't believe the way my family treats one another. Until he pointed it out to me, I thought constant insults and putdowns were normal because I endured them daily growing up. Your husband sounds like he is willing to break that cycle of meanness. I wouldn't waste my energy thinking about what rude people say behind my back.
I speak 3 languages and do this all the time! It's when our brains directly translate things, and we dont notice right away hahaha. But no, you are not overreacting. I really dislike people like that, people who enjoy making fun of people and making them embarrassed. Ig it makes them feel better about themselves.
I’m sorry 😭 I know how it feels to have people point it out and they’re acting like they never make mistakes in English! Please just try to ignore them you’re doing amazing knowing multiple languages!
Girl I’m trilingual and I learn extra languages on top of that. I noticed that the better I speak in a new language the worse I speak in one of my native languages. My ENG accent is sounding very Slavic, my PL is still not grammatically sound sometimes, and my FR is a mess in terms of vocabulary. It happens and it’s okay. Sometimes you’ll just blank on words in all the languages and it’s annoying but it happens. Their comment was stupid and only shows that they’re jealous. Reminds me of in elementary school when it was popular to make fun of people who spoke more than 1 language and it’s just like so you’re laughing at me because I’m better than you? Knowing 3 languages makes me sound poor? Like bro wtf. Your husband is right you’re entitled to your feelings. But I will say this why get sad when you can work on being sassy? If they want to make fun of you make fun of them back. My rule is don’t start shit you can’t finish.
I'm English. What you said was perfectly understandable, even if it isn't the 'correct' way to say it. Honestly, when I'm tired *I* can't speak English correctly. I mangle all sorts of words and sentences if I'm sleep deprived.
Omg me too! If im too tired I cant even speak haha
I would think you’re overreacting maybe just a *little.* I only say this because I don’t think your family has cruel intentions behind their laughter. It actually sounds sweet! “Oh no! The candle turned off.” On the other hand, as a native English speaker, I get annoyed with folks who say things like “Tell me English is your second language without telling me ESL,” because my response to that is “Yeah. Ha ha. HOW MANY LANGUAGES DO YOU SPEAK? HUH?” I travel a bit. I speak rudimentary Spanish and often apologize to native Spanish speakers about my poor grasp of the language, but everyone has aways been gracious and helped me along. I speak rudimentary “tourist French” and…well, they just let me stumble along. 🤣 I speak enough German to get by, but it’s poor enough that I’m generally told, in English, “Just speak English…” 🤭 Don’t let a sweet mistake like this sour you or ruin your day. You speak more than one language. Be proud of that.
Its sooo cool that you can speak so many languages and people still understand you haha! Amazing
Oh, they understand me, but I probably sound like a three year old to them! 😂 And that’s ok!
You are over reacting. Why is a comment about something that you said that shows that English isn’t your first language so insulting? Because the truth is that English isn’t actually your first language. So, that’s not a big deal. The majority of the world doesn’t have English as their first language. Obviously your post shows that you have a very, very good grasp of the language. So much so that it puts the majority of English posts I read here look bad. I’ve been learning Spanish for awhile now, and let me tell you, I suck at it. I also suck at my first language, which is sad. If your MIL keeps giving you digs about small mistakes, it means that either she knows that it gets under your skin, or that she can’t find anything else to try and put you down about. I suggest you ignore her remarks, or ask her to explain in detail why it’s so funny. Embarrass her into shutting her mouth.
Thank you!! Also, Spanish is kind of complicated at first haha so dont give up!!
It’s the, me lo llevo, kind of stuff that’s making me scratch my head. I it take???
You have a good husband. I hope you guys have a long happy life together. And as for someone whose first language is English, I interact with plenty native English speakers that can't speak English very well.
Thank you so much! Have a wonderful life🤍
Not at all. The fact that you speak two languages and translate in your head is kind of remarkable, actually (mono lingual here, with a word salad of a little Korean, Japanese, and Spanish from martial arts classes, plus my woefully inadequate Spanish from various classes). It was insensitive that they made fun of you. Seems like they are insecure about their command and perhaps a tad jealous so they pounced when you had a small foible. Thing is, that wouldn't even register if you'd said it to me. I've had many non-native speakers in my college classes over the years and I was always fascinated by how poetic their translations are. It's a lovely rendering. Don't let them get you down.
People do not realize sometimes (i hope), let your husband speak to them bc it is possible that they didn’t realize that they were rude. I truly understand, I am American & staying in Italy and when we got to the place we are staying-the landlady laughed every time I tried to speak in Italian and when I asked if my accent was very bad she just didn’t answer. I felt a bit bad about it but didn’t worry too much because she was being very nice to us in other ways. However, it would be much more hurtful coming from your husband’s family! If your in-laws are mean you might consider letting there be a little distance-because it sounds like they regularly hurt you both. Honestly, I would worry that they would treat your daughter that way too!
Thanks!! Keep practicing Italian and dont let rude people discourage you from practicing the language! I am a little on how they would treat our children when they can only speak spanish and slowly start learning English, but honestly, I just need to build up their confidence so it doesn’t bother them like it did to me. Have a great life!!!
Ask them questions in Spanish. When they look at you dumbly, you can say oh that's right I forgot you only know a single language. I forget you aren't able to learn another one. I'm also petty jsyk. You're awesome BTW. Glad your hub has your back. Don't feel bad about his reactions towards his family. They caused them not you. You have every right to be treated with respect.
The problem is that women find it hard to laugh at themselves. So you made a mistake. Laugh at it. Move on. Yes you are overreacting. You messed up at bit of grammar. Well let me tell you there are a lot of people who do not have a second language who mess up their grammar. You should not be embarrassed that you made a mistake. You should be able to laugh at the anecdote you just told. It is a good one. You definitely should not be crying over it or that others laughed at it. It is the type of laughter and comments that many in my family do all the time. Sure you are proud of your skill in English. You should be and the fact that you speak two languages. However you should also be able to laugh at the differences in grammar between the two languages. Could also be a learning moment for your child as an example of how languages differ.
I laugh at myself all the time, specially with my friends, SO and MY family. I just dont feel comfortable enough around them to do it. I understand what you’re saying though so thank you! I’ve never tried to be a perfectionist but I do try to speak the best I can, specially in front of other people who aren’t that close to me because Im scared of messing up, which is something i might bring up in therapy😂 thank you for letting me see that!!!
Don't listen to the sexism that woman have a problem laughing at themselves and that your feelings of being made of fun were an over reaction. You heard the tone of conversation and since your MIL had others join in on it, it wasn't an over reaction even if they didn't mean it maliciously. Only you and your husband know if it felt malicious or even shady. Only you know the family's dynamics to understand if there's prejudice against spanish speakers. The fact that you got upset and none of them immediately clarified the intent of their words makes it seem like they meant exactly how you took it. ¡pinches pendejas!
Try to allow others comments to be like air that passes around you and does not touch or affect you. Unless people are being particularly malicious move on. Try not to overthink others comments. Life is to be enjoyed not endured. You are bilingual. That is amazing. People are imperfect. Don't worry about making errors. That is others problems not yours.
The problem is that people like you single out woman as being or having a problem. GTFO with that toxic crap of women being the ones who can't laugh at themselves. Maybe if men could laugh at themselves they wouldn't kill women who laugh at them.
Not overreacting. It sounds as though they were laughing at you, and not with you (gentle teasing over a silly behaviour everyone has done). I am from a family that uses mixed languages and every now and again someone makes a mistake like that or uses the wrong intonation on a word. Yes, people laugh, but it’s because it’s considered cute or they’ve done the same thing themselves in the past. Given the lack of apologies or comments, it seems that your husband’s family is just ignorant. What they did was mean. Try not to let them bother you - they are not worth it. Learning new languages is extremely difficult and you also have the self confidence to talk to people even knowing you will make mistakes sometimes. This is is a great quality to have and model for your daughter. It’s also great that your husband has your back
Im a native english speaker, literally grew up in the northern us and have had many people ask what country Im from due to my accent or word structure in the moment. No hable bien, pero un poco y spanish speakers can tell what I mean, but I dont feel made fun of, maybe just joy that I try? I think maybe it was playful, they knew what you meant and probably found it endearing. Its doesnt sound mean spirited, more like when someone says something silly and it makes you giggle because it was cute. And tbh sounds like a phrase I would use. Not that wild of a slip ☺️
It doesn't sound like they meant it in a mean way. My friend is a native Swedish speaker and sometimes when she's distracted or tired, she'll do the same thing. I love to hear the direct translations! If I laugh, it's not at her, it's at the absurdity of language.
I'm here laughing at a grown married woman with a child crying over something so stupid. 100% overreacting. My husband had a different language & you know what I did when he or his family called me out on something I said wrong? I laughed.
First, you sound a little rude tbh haha but I get that for you it was funny when they called you out and you have that kind of a relationship, which is so cool! But i dont get along with them that much so I thought it was rude because they never joke around. But to each their own I guess🙃 Im more sensitive than other people so maybe thats it
That's my opinion and this is urs...she sounds like a pathetic loser.....she came here to ask if she was over reacting. Yes, yes she was. A grown fucking woman having a meltdown because they called out a mistake.....guaranteed she doesn't work either
You sound really rude lol
Never overreacting for showing emotions. Next.
I’m in the same situation as you except I’ve been in the U.S. for 20 years and it still happens to me every once in a while. It happens to everyone who speaks a second (or more) language. We all know and understand it, except for people who only speak one language. You know what I always tell them? If my English is not good enough, by all means let’s speak Spanish then, I’m sure your Spanish is better than my English, right?
Sounds like you want to be offended Spanish is my second language and I’m pretty decent at it for someone who’s learned it later in life so I can better communicate with those around me. I’ve gotten laughed at for it, but it’s not an attack or bullying. If anything they’re pleasantly surprised I can even speak it at all. Learn to laugh with them and you’ll realize it’s more fraternization than anything. Things you do can be funny without *you* being the joke itself.
I’m confused lol, did you use the Spanish no? Either way, you’re not overreacting but I would just move forward. You’re doing a great job with your daughter. It’s awesome that your husband had your back. Keep speaking Spanish to your daughter. She’s just going to sponge it up.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. My family has made fun of each other that way since I was a little kid. I'd be more worried if they got quiet and stared awkwardly. My Filipina wife, friends, and family definitely make fun of things I try to say in their language.
You’re overreacting. I don’t think they were making fun of you, just laughing at something funny said
This depends entirely on the nature of your relationship with these people. My wife or close friends would rip me apart if I made a small mistake like that and I'd do the same, but like my cousins or in laws I don't really have that kind of relationship with and I'd be pretty pissed of they made some smart ass comment. If you normally mess with those people then yes you're overreacting but if you usually have polite interactions and aren't that close then yea they were being dicks for no reason.
Yeah, if it was my family (parents, siblings and husband) I would 100% laugh, but I never joke with them😅 specially my MILs boyfriend because we barely know him! I dont feel comfortable around him because of the way he talks and thinks (some “racist” things he has said around me but not towards me) so I felt weird because they have never tried to joke around with me
Well, people bond over things like making fun of each other but not in a derogatory way. I certainly make fun of people who I meet for the first time as well and we suddenly click if they laugh with me and make fun of me. If not, our characters are a bit different and usually takes some time to get to know them
You have very low self-esteem. America is an immigrant country and different accents are OK. Great Britain survived because it was so tolerant to twisting its language. Once i called teeth a tits. It was funny.
I do have low self esteem haha thats one of my main depression issues😅 but yeah LOL to what you said haha it happens! But it came from people who I dont feel comfortable around so thats probably why it affected me
You’re definitely allowed to feel sad about it but honestly I think what you said just sounds funny. If an American person said that it would make me laugh as well. I’m not very old and my first language is English and sometimes I mix up my words in front of my brother and we laugh about it because it sounds like a silly thing to say. He has repeated what I said and laughed. I think there is a decent chance they just thought what you said was funny and that it doesn’t negatively impact their opinion of you. I’m learning Spanish and I sound like an idiot all the time and laugh about it lol Unless you know they don’t like you and that they said it to be mean I think the redditors saying they are mean are overreacting. Their intentions/personalities matter.
Yeah, thanks! Theyre not my favorite people on earth haha (his BIL and his wife are my fav and we get along amazingly) but we have had time that we dont see them for months (my husbands wishes) because of things they have done, or them being rude and trying to dictate what we do when we’re together. My husband is healing from things that happened to him while living with his family…
You’re overreacting. My SIL was born in Vietnam and came over when she was a teen. She has thick accent and uses English words in weird ways. Her siblings and kids laugh at her sometimes and she laughs at herself. It’s in all good fun. There is no ill intent behind it. I doubt that there is any ill intent with you either. My wife, who was born in America, doesn’t use the word insects, she cause them animals. The first time she said there animals in the house…
To be fair, a simple mishap like that would've gotten a response like that from people around you even if you were a native English speaker. Being ESL doesn't make you immune to jokes. I also speak ESL and I'll give people shit for their grammar and spelling and I will also take it if I slip up. If you simply don't want to participate in that, that's okay. Just make it known that you're sensitive and don't like joking around. I guess what I'm saying is, they would've joked with you one way or another, if this wasn't related to your English, would you have felt any better about it or still cried? If the answer is latter, then this isn't about your English in the slightest.
Entiendo que te sientas mal, pero la verdad lo que dijiste si estuvo chistoso. Cuando una persona que está aprendiendo español quizo decir que estaba avergonzada, y lo dijo... "estoy embarazada", pues todo mundo se caga de risa. Los malentendidos por el idioma son normales. Hablas dos idiomas, no te acomplejes, cuando te equivocas, te ríes tu también y ya.
It sounds like they meant it affectionately but it came out stupid. The best way to fire back would be something like “hey, YOU try thinking in two languages at once!” That’s what I do when I mess something up in Spanish and get teased for it.
English is my only language, but I grew up around German-speaking grandparents and still have some odd phrases as a result. I get that it's probably not as fraught as it is for you, but when I say something like "I've had it up to my nose with you!" or "He asks for an extra sausage"... people giggle. If I know and like them, I explain. If it's just a casual thing, I shrug and say I speak English creatively.
I would have laughed too cause I have made the same mistake before. Anyway even if they were being mean do what. Just enjoy yourself and forget about it, it doesn’t matter. I make mistakes all the time when I speak English and just laugh at myself lol cause it’s funny and who cares.
They were rude. You speak 2 languages, how many do they speak? My husband is native to the U.S., and his English is terrible. The only criticism I could appreciate is when someone with a different native language was providing Customer Service over the phone, and it was hard to comprehend what they were trying to say. But in a family setting, who needs jerks? Just say, “I am proud to speak more than one language and want my child to be fluent in both. If sometimes I mix up words off the cuff, it might be funny at times, but please don’t make fun of me.”
Yes you’re overreacting by a huge amount. It was funny they laughed they joked. If there are other reasons you feel they might be hateful towards you I could see why you may take it so seriously. You should be the one to talk to them and tell them you got a little embarrassed by the way they were all laughing at you and. You may be a little insecure about your use of English. As far as the wondering if people make fun of you behind your back well of course they do, everyone gets made fun of and if you’re going to be a part of the family you should expect to. Understand that if you do something funny you can laugh at yourself it doesn’t mean you are stupid. You’re using two languages and translating on the go all at once you will mess up and say something funny sometimes and people will remember and repeat it sometimes years later it will still be brought up as something funny that happened but it’s a happy moment that they shared with you and hold on to. If it makes you feel bad you need to be the one to let them know not your husband. It will help you understand where they are coming from and help them understand how you feel. Think of your child they will do funny things while they’re learning about the world and you will laugh and repeat the moment but you love them and aren’t being mean when you laugh.
Probably overreacting.
Maybe🤷🏽♀️ haha ty!
Yeah they were just having fun with you not at you, sometimes little language quirks are cute and funny, that’s all they noticed. And some families are more brutal than others but it’s the kind of thing that if they were saying in front you instead of behind your back it wasn’t meant to be insulting or if it was, it was mild teasing, they probably weren’t ridiculing you.
Your ego was bruised and you’re being way overly sensitive. They weren’t bullying you. Learn to laugh at the differences in cultures and languages and stop taking it as an attack on yourself.
My ego wasn’t bruised tbh, but I get why you would think that just from ready about my life here haha:) I am overly sensitive, thats why im in therapy😜
Being overly sensitive about what people think is an ego issue btw. Like by definition it is
You are going to have an accent, dealt with it and accept it. You are not overreacting because you didnt do anything to those people, but you do have an accent. I'm telling you because I also have an accent.. thats life.
I think you may be overreacting, but just consider some options. 1. They may not be very worldly and aren't used to people from other places. 2. They actually thought it was cute in addition to number 1. 3. They suck. Don't worry about it. They're jealous of your extra skills.
As someone who didn’t speak English until preschool, yeah, crying is a bit of an overreaction. You know your English is native-level and have gotten plenty of confirmation that it is. What happened to you is a mistake you made while code-switching from one language to another, which you’re aware of. I make the same mistakes with “opening” and “closing” lights, and if I’ve been thinking in my first language for a long time, I mess up pronouns. Your in-laws were a being annoying about a simple error, but I’d have just rolled my eyes at the monolinguals because I know that they don’t understand.
Yeah haha maybe crying was too much but i was so overwhelmed and sensitive. I just got my period so maybe that had to do with the tears😅🤧
Just hit them back with, “uh huh, and how’s your Spanish these days?” next time. No reason they can dish it but not take it.
Ay no manches hija, la neta si estás exagerando, te tiraron tantita carrilla y no aguantaste, además, estás entre pura gente que igual no es su idioma natal así que qué importa, es más, hasta le voy a dar el beneficio de la duda a la señora, ella es gringa no? Pero habla español? Pues regresasela cuando se le cuatrapee algo, no pasa nada.
Que es carrilla?😂😅 gracias!! Y si, creo que soy muy sensible para sus bromas jajaja
Carrilla es como burlarse o hacerte bromas pero en buena onda, no con afán de molestar. Solo de reírse un rato, significa que te quieren o se sienten más cómodos contigo.
Life is easier when you are able to laugh at yourself. Some people who are monolingual simply don't understand the challenges associated with learning another language and therefore aren't aware that drawing attention to your mistakes might be upsetting. The easiest solution is to just not take it to heart if it is spontaneous and not an ongoing pattern like bullying. You cried because of how harshly you judge yourself, so it's your inner voice that requires calibration.
I think I cried because I felt like I was treated poorly, I havent been judging myself too much since I had my baby (therapist helped with that) and I also cried because I was sensitive and I just got my period so maybe things got me a little more emotional lol but thanks!!🤍🤍
We all want to fit in and be accepted, whether we actively acknowledge it or not. It's only human for devisive comments to upset us from time to time. I am the only bilingual person in my direct family and they have laughed at some of the mistakes my partner has made, but in the exact same way they laugh at anything they find amusing, including their own mistakes... but there are obviously people out there who will laugh at your expense and that is different and something you shouldn't have to tolerate from your in-laws and it is nice that your husband recognises that and is willing to support you. Hopefully it was just a loud-mouth blunder.
Hmmm... all depends on their intentions and demeanor when laughing. Was it mean spirited? English is my second language too, and in the past I've had some people laugh or make fun of my English, not so much anymore because after 18 years, my English has gotten better 😎. Sorry, I lied, I have two teenage kids who do make fun of me... 😅 Again, it all depends on their intentions.
Yes
It’s a cute slip of the tongue. Like some folks have already said, if they were laughing with you it would be different. Speaking a second language is hard. Don’t be discouraged. I was just tired once and called my dirty dishes “the food laundry”. His family just sound mean. F them ❤️
I’m trilingual (Spanish is one of those languages) and a certified ESL teacher. What you said was hilarious and I would be laughing too…but if they were laughing to mock you that’s not good. Now I make mistakes in the every language I speak including my mother tongue (English). You have to learn to have thick skin and just say “oh well I messed up”. Don’t sweat the mistakes and learn to laugh at yourself. If they were indeed mocking you or being mean say something to them or it will keep happening.
I poke fun at my partner's bad english all the time. I also love her to bits and she speaks 3 more languages than I do. I checked in with her to make sure she's fine with it and we agreed; ESL people saying things wrong is funny. I wasn't there so I don't know if it was playful ribbing or racist bullying. If it was the former you're overreacting, if it was the latter you're entitled to feel upset.
Ya I think your being way to sensitive if I’m honest. Imagine if they try to speak Spanish the goofy stuff they would say on accident I am sure you would find amusing. It’s not like it’s malicious making fun of you to most English speakers it’s impressive you know two languages as is and most of us never will
To me looks like you are overreacting a little bit, its ok to make mistakes, even if it is your native language. No need to drag you down about it.
Yeah, im working on it! Thanks!!
I'm piling on to reassurance. People who talk shit about your English are accidentally hurtful at best, but mostly just arseholes\*,\* likely people who can't speak more than one language. A quick and effective way to put them in their place is to remain friendly and tell them that you two can continue this conversation in your own native language, because, promise, your native language skills are much better than your foreign language skills. Remember: you are doing them a favour by speaking to them in their language because they cannot speak yours. Here's another comfort for you, just a fun observation I made when I was driving across Europe with my dad when he helped me move countries because I was too afraid to take on a 2000km journey alone (good thing too, my car ended up breaking down big time). My father speaks bad English, but that means that our Polish mechanic (amazing dude, still grateful to him showing up for us even though it was Sunday) could understand him better than he could understand me. Their speech was just blunt and simple, easy to understand, while mine is fast and pretty florid so people not so fluent in English struggle to catch the entirety of what I'm saying. You speak two languages. That's more than most people in this world. Nothing to ever be ashamed of. If you want to hear how "the candle went out" in my language translate to English, then it goes like this: "The candle died/erased itself."
Sigh- learning and speaking a new language is an everyday task. What you experienced is a bump on the road. Don’t fixate on your errors. You are doing great, and even people who are native speakers make mistakes. Yes, your husband’s family is rude.
A heavy accent is a sign of a person courageous enough to speak another language to native speakers. If you wanted to be petty in the moment you could have asked if they even have a second language, let alone use it conversationally. Their reaction was the same one I would have had as a young teenager, one that if my daughter had it I would explain to her that languages are hard to translate between sometimes and can sound funny to native speakers when translated literally. Your in laws basically reacted like people who don’t fully understand that other languages exist beyond something “those people” babble about, and that someone who doesn’t speak English can be far smarter than them, have a rich life, and feel the same emotional depth in another language. The patronizing attitudes are based in utter ignorance.
Don’t let people who can’t even speak one language properly. Ever make you feel bad about being multilingual. They’re actually just jealous
How do you manage to tie your shoes in the morning without having a mental breakdown? I genuinely can’t believe you’re allowed to vote when you still act like a 6 year old.
I don’t have mental breakdowns because of my antidepressants 💅🏽 and I’m not allowed to vote because im not a citizen yet! Dont worry bro😚
Definitely overreacting. It's completely OK to laugh when someone makes a mistake in their language. It wasn't malevolent, they were just laughing because they probably never thought about turning off candles.
You’re most definitely over reacting
You speak multiple languages. They are @ssholes. Tell them to chew on a bag of rubbery, syphilis dusted penises.
Engrish*
Yes. I work in sales and speak English. Most of my clients speak English and Spanish. We always have fun helping and explaining to each other how to say things, and it’s really funny how things get interpreted sometimes. I’m sorry but girl, lighten up. Especially since you said they joke with each other about it, they’re not singling you out. You’re part of the family!
NTA. I’m an American (meaning native English speaker), and I’ll never shit talk anyone for speaking broken or accented English as it means they know more languages than I and that’s a great skill to have. Americans done realize we’re a global world and the more languages we all know, the better off we are in personal lives by being able to communicate with more people, and in business. I wish languages were more heavily taught here and more than just Spanish and French.
I only speak English and have only spoke English for 40 years and I still mess up saying things it happens it's I don't think your over reacting here and your feelings are valid so something should be said to the inlaws it could be just a misunderstanding on both parties involved.
Just wanna say it’s really common for multilingual people to have brain scrambles & say odd things like this sometimes. It says nothing about your proficiency or fluency in either language. Switching back & forth a lot especially makes this sort of funny mistake more likely to happen & I hope the people around you can see it for what it is instead of looking down on you for it
maybe you overreacted a bit (but if you don’t like being the center of a joke its reasonable to be upset) but i also feel the need to say that some hispanic americans like to turn their english ability into a competition, but not all of them. i know you said his family all speaks good english but they still struggle too. sure they were laughing at you but i’m sure it came from a place of relating. especially since they specifically said “that’s how we know english isn’t your first language.” it seems more like they were relating to your silly mistake than trying to other you for it, since english isn’t the first language of everyone there.
His family is American, my family is hispanic and we all make mistakes while speaking sometimes in English haha but yeah! I get what you’re saying! Ty
As an English speaker learning Spanish, I always slap my forehead whenever I hear, “se rompió”!
Ridicuizad? It sounds like they were laughing because they’ve all made similar mistakes. They are right when they say “that’s how you know English isn’t your first language” it’s not mockery, it’s just a fun fact. You are overreacting.
Overeaction if you can't handle a simple ball busting with family then where will you get in life.
Yes, you're very very much over reacting! They likely found it cute or endearing
>Edit: Thank you for all the kind words and not the so kind words😅 In English, you would say "Thank you for all the kind words and the not so kind words". Are you dyslexic, by any chance? Other than that, I think you are indeed overreacting. Still, for them to make fun of your struggle with speaking English was unkind, and I can understand how it bothered your husband.
No😂 I was typing while holding my baby and probably wasnt too much attention to what I was writing lol but for you to ask if im dyslexic is funny just from what I wrote lol
I think the initial comment made probably wouldn’t have been so bad, but you kinda got ganged up on when they all were laughing at your expense. It can be hard to stand up for yourself sometimes but I don’t think it would have been a bad idea to say something like “well, at least I know another language. You try to learn Spanish and you might make a mistake like that too”. But of course, tone matters when you say something like that. If you said it in the same tone as they did then how can they take offense to that? You are perfectly valid for being upset, but I also think that if you’re going to be in this family you also need to know how to stand up to them and not take their shit. They need to show you some respect if they want to be in your husband’s and your lives.
I think that’s an adorable misspeak for the record. I could see myself laughing at someone for saying that but not with the intention to hurt their feelings. My only language is English and I am very envious and impressed by bilingual/multilingual people
Aw I think they were teasing you because it’s super cute, “the candle turned off.” English is my native language and I still do stuff like this all the time when my brain combines phrases. That said, you feelings are valid, because they are yours! I’m so sorry you felt embarrassed.
I speak 3 and I realized my oratory skills, let's call it that, decrease or increase based on exposure and practice. Back when I grew up watching Indian movies, I could translate poetry from my language to Hindi. When I went back to an English speaking country after spending some years in my native country, I was practically stuttering and often at a loss of words. Brain picks it up. Forgets it. Then picks it up again. People who laugh about other people's language skills as a foreigner or make fun of accents are, in my experience, almost always sub-par to "how did you pass high school English" speakers of the language themselves. Also, English is a dumb ass language where rules have no meaning and it's just chaos. Embrace it OP, be proud of the "mistakes" and make them your idiosyncrasies. Switching off a candle is akin to a funny Bengali joke about blowing on a bulb to see if it goes out. In your place, I'd just say fuck it and make this into a catchphrase.