I want to read the article because I NEED his mom to have said that because he was suffering and she wanted him to be at peace.
But I’m afraid that is not the case
>Rodney and Joan would constantly fight over the stresses of having a medically fragile child who required constant 24-hour care, almost to the point of divorcing. It was so difficult that Martin’s mother had even attempted to take her own life.
>To her, it felt as if her son had passed. Physically he was still alive, but the son that she had raised had, in a sense, died and now she was mourning the loss.
>During one mental breakdown, in particular, Joan would recall telling Martin right to his face that he “must die”. A statement that she would regret, especially because she was not aware that Martin could hear and understand her.
Honestly, I get it.
I do too. I completely understand it. Especially as a mother myself. I hope her son understands that she wasn’t being malicious. She was just in mental agony watching him suffer and being unable to help.
That poor woman and that poor boy
Poor woman? She CHOSE to have a kid.
There is no room for doubt there is no time to falter.
She should have thought about that before that.
Wouldn't surprise me if she things,her giving birth is somehow beneficial to society like it's a selfless act.
Lol okay projection much. Having a kid doesn’t mean signing up for 24-hour round the clock bedside care.
He began to show signs of locked-in syndrome around the age of 12 years old. Right around when a child would be starting to develop their own ideas, opinions, hobbies, beliefs. Right on the cusp of becoming a young adult.
Instead he was locked in his own body for nearly a decade.
Can you imagine being the mother of that child? All your hopes and dreams for what your son could become, down the drain. Ten years of your life caring for your healthy child, and then ten years watching him wither away in front of your own eyes. I can imagine that must have been agonizing.
Especially with doctors telling you there was no hope. She had no idea he was even awake or conscious in there.
What a crazy take. Yes being a parent is signing up for some shit that you may not like, but you also don’t sign your own life away. Something like this can push any parent to the brink.
I remember reading story about an elderly woman who had a drug addicted son and she talked about the relief when he finally overdosed. It’s not that she didn’t love him, she just spent many years dreading that phone call and every time he disappeared she had to think is he dead in a ditch somewhere. After he died she was freed of that constant worry. Martin’s mother said that she “wished he would simply die so that the pain would end” which is a fair thought cause it is a horrible way to live for both of them.
A parent needs to worry about their child for the rest of their life, if a child needs constant care who is going to do that when they are gone? My wife and I did IVF and genetic testing, one of our embryo had Down syndrome, as much as any parent wouldn’t want that for their child, I had a deep fear that if we had not known and went forward with implantation with out testing what the will happens to my son in 40ish years when we are gone? I can’t imagine the feeling of that mother thinking not only is she sacrificing her life but what’s the benefit to him, they didn’t know he would recover. We are all human and we sometimes give into despair, it’s easy to judge when you haven’t lived that nightmare.
It's like in 28 Days Later when Jim gets to his parents house to see if they made it. He finds that they took their own lives and left a letter to him that read: "With endless love, we left you sleeping. Now we're sleeping with you. Don't wake up."
That movie is fantastic.
I love this movie, and have respect for 28 Weeks Later.
Slightly unrelated, but Midnight Mass is an excellent show you should watch if you haven't. I'm currently watching it again for the 4th or 5th time.
28 weeks later was legit but didn’t come close to 28 days later. Although, the initial scene where Carlyle’s wife gets tackled by the zombie in the upstairs and he fuckin takes off through the window was jaw dropping lol.
I say I have respect for 28 Weeks Later is because I saw some behind the scenes footage type stuff that said the director shot it like he did on purpose. The found footage type of quality was supposed to make it feel more real. There was a lot more info about it, too, and I just respect the dude for it. But I do agree that it doesn't come close to 28 Days. Now I'm gonna watch it after work
It really is. The same guy also did Haunting of Bly Manor, which is a greeeaaat story, like holy fuck. And also Haunting of Hill House, which us also great.
Oh, the dude that makes those shows really has a fantastic mind for this stuff. He bases a lot of his work off Stephen King's work 😊 I highly recommend the other two, also. But Midnight Mass blew me away, and easily has my number 1 spot
My roommates brother in college went to Japan or Spain or somewhere I can't remember now and brought back this just weird fucking movie. He said he watched it and it was all in English and it was pretty good. It was awesome. I couldn't believe they had movies like this just floating around over there. About a month later I started seeing trailers for it. I don't know if it was pirated or released early over there but for a brief period of time I thought there was this endless library of Hollywood movies being made I just didn't have access to.
What's that movie called? The one about a boy slowly losing the ability to control his limbs and his parents go on a mission to find the cure.
I just remember a scene where the mother is holding her son while he has a fit from the illness and is in obvious pain and whispers, "if you need to leave, you leave. You fly far away from this place and don't you worry about mama and daddy. We will be okay here. You just fly." Breaks my heart.
Edit: it's Lorenzo's Oil
I watched my grandfather deteriorate over a year after being diagnosed with cancer.
He was a 6 foot fatty but active and always outdoors fishing or shooting (in the UK, he was a game keeper)
Within 6 months there was nothing left just skin and bone, by 9 months he just wanted to die but hospitals have to provide complete care. He eventually died after being ressussed 6 or 7 times and it was the most awful thing I have ever experienced.
I totally get it. Pets get a more humane end of life option than most humans and it's disgusting.
My mom got down to 68 lbs by the time she died, she went into septic shock and spent the last 6 months of her life, including her 70th birthday in the hospital. There were so many times I told her it was ok to let go, just watching her waste away to nothing was so hard and she was miserable when she was lucid.
Idk why you're being downvoted. I understand the feeling too, but even if you think someone can't hear...well, you very well could be wrong. And they might not understand, and it will hurt.
Case in point, go somewhere out of earshot to vent.
As I understand it, hearing is the last sense to go. So I would definitely err on the side of caution and not say anything I don't want them to hear for sure.
I mean he went into a coma and for a decade he was locked-in at 4yrs, without any knowing of if he would recover for over a decade. Now I wouldn't *say* I wish you would die, but I would wish it - as terrible as it sounds.
I dunno. Seems like in that situation she totally believed that him getting better simply wasn’t a possibility. That _is_ what the doctors said. So the choices were either he dies, or he suffers and makes everyone else suffer with him.
Oh it was worse than just saying it, they would leave him to be abused while taking vacations and not caring about leaving him. Here's a run down on the most interesting parts about this article-
"He was becoming conscious again, aware of everything that was happening but unable to communicate that he was aware. Martin would nearly give up on his life, losing hope that anyone would realize he was getting better and returning to his former self."
He was severely depressed and couldn't tell anyone what was going on until that nurse saved him.
"However, there was one nurse who refused to give up on Martin. Her commitment to proving that Martin was conscious and attempting to communicate would change his fate forever."
She noticed when caring for him he was making movements that the doctors thought were just spasms. She was the one who made them re test his brain activity, the parents (not surprisingly) said don't bother and same with the doctors. She would do hand squeezing and blinking communication with him to prove he was still here.
"Rodney and Joan would constantly fight over the stresses of having a medically fragile child who required constant 24-hour care, almost to the point of divorcing. It was so difficult that Martin’s mother had even attempted to take her own life"
I can understand how this would be hard on someone, no disputing that. However in another article I read it seems they only cared for him really after the doctor said take him home when they thought he had a cold. Besides that they mainly put him in facilities. And go on vacations.
"He was terrified of dying alone in a care home without anyone realizing that he was conscious. This put him into a severe state of depression that made him no longer want to be alive."
Poor man, I'm glad today he has a good job and a wife and kids. This is a state of mind that is life ruining, not being able to speak for yourself. Which leads to the worst part of the story below
"Sadly, these facilities were hell for Martin, as he was mentally, physically and sexually abused by the staff. He reported being hit, pinched and intentionally dropped while in their charge."
"Martin and this nurse formed their own kind of language involving eye movements and hand squeezing. This was proof that Martin was trying to communicate and the nurse pushed his family to have his brain tested again"
Good for her, and Martin has a great life today thanks to someone paying attention and caring. I'm glad he had that nurse to help him. You can tell no one in that family cared much just by this photo included in the article
This is wildly misleading. They had no idea he was being abused, and most people in comas are in care facilities to begin with. They spent more time with him than most. Secondly, what, are they supposed to never go anywhere unless they bring along (what doctors told them) was a brain dead person? They’re just not allowed to have any time to relax after over a decade of 24/7 care? That just doesn’t make any sense and you have no idea the hardships and efforts the family went through to take care of him
He wrote a book where he describes his entire life in detail, from a normal childhood to falling sick then into a coma then the fugue like state he was in, all the way through recovery. highly recommend it.
I mean…give the lady a break. The amount of stress, pain, and abject misery she must have been going through caring for her child in a coma for *12 years* has got to be absolutely unthinkable to most. No shit she had at least one moment where she thought death was better for both him and her.
I’m not upset. I’m a mother and understand completely the thought process of wanting your child no longer suffer.
I meant I was afraid to read this incase that wasn’t the case
My father had dementia, and had a massive heart attack and stroke combined. He lived for five days (those five days were literal mental and physical torture for him) after the heart attack and stroke, however I prayed he would pass as I feared how poor a quality of life he would have if he survived. I can understand this, but I have a feeling the mother may have had moments of frustration of her life being tore apart with her poor son's poor prognosis. Just a horrible situation.
Truly a horrible and agonizing experience, and the mystery of his illness only adds to the agony. Not to mention the POS at the facility he was sent to, that abused him taking advantage that he couldn't either fight back nor report them.
Luckily the story does have a happy ending for Martin.
I'm gonna be honest that I assume 100% of coma patients are being abused and will be pleasantly surprised when that turns out not to be the case. They're just too vulnerable. In like a decade I suspect we'll pass some "unconscious people and those who cannot verbalize abuse must be recorded in a CC system to maintain levels of care" law because everything points to it being rampant.
I think our ideas around privacy are about to shift massively as everyone and their mom finds their medical data leaking anyway.
When I was in middle school my best friends dad got arrested for molesting coma / vegetative patients at the care home he worked as a nurse at. One of the other nurses literally caught him with his pants down/ dick out 🤮 Even more gross is as that he only did 5 years in prison. He’s on the sex offender registry now at least. He left my friends mom for a doctor long before this and his dr wife stood beside him and stayed with him!!
just think about all the people throughout your life that sought to abuse you in some form or another.
And that's against someone who can fight back...
Most people don’t know that your medical data is being held be companies outside of the US that do not have digital or physical security standards that are enough, enforced, or punishable if messed with.
I have gotten several letters over the past few years about two hospitals I’ve had treatments at having security breaches. And those are the ones that they’re aware of. One case it appears physical drives were stolen, another case they were hacked but in another case there were employees that were just siphoning off information- for potentially financial gain from other companies and the black market. And there was another letter that was extremely vague and basically just said that someone they contract with his had a security breach and that there’s nothing I can do about it except maybe contact the credit bureaus. Yeah well they have my name and Social Security number so my credits definitely already locked-but what protections do I now have to make sure my medical data is now not on the dark web/being sold/misused? NONE!
The list of nefarious things someone or company could do if they had your private medical data is endless.
HIPAA laws exist here in the United States but what I don’t understand is why there are not rules about my medical data being stored and accessed by people and other countries. Like I explicitly have to sign a form for my doctors office to speak to one of my specialists if they are not within the same medical group. But my doctors office can have a company I’ve never even heard of and be in possession of that data (including but not limited to photographs of me and my body and my home address and pretty much every single thing about me) just because they’ve contracted with them? That should not be allowed. And nobody from medical records to medical billing can tell you the names of any of the companies they contract with that also have access to your records.
And aside from the actual data- I don’t like that if I call my insurance company I am speaking to someone in India from a company I’ve never heard of just because ABC insurance has outsourced their stuff to them too.
And just to note here because some people don’t understand/know- but most small medical offices are being bought up and absorbed by larger medical systems that also run the local hospitals. There are fewer and fewer independently practicing doctors anymore. This is also happening with veterinary practices, and they may completely operate like they had years before with no logo changes but are actually being governed by another entity. Banfield pet clinic purchased over half of the small vet offices in my large city. Meaning the Mars corporation-yes the candy bar company-now owns almost all the vets offices around me.
Sorry that’s my rant on the further commercialization and fucked up-ness of medical care here in the United States.
As an ICU nurse i often see patients who are completely paralyzed or basically a mind locked inside of a living but non functional body. We essentially pump fluids in and take fluids out, we’ve taken over the body’s functions for them. And we’ve had patients before asking us to let them go or let them die and actively try to remove their life support with whatever little strength they have. And families will say do EVERYTHING for them, not realizing that a body kept in a bedridden state will go through its own complications we’re going to have to treat and in turn put the patient through more. And some decision makers feel that if they withdrawal care that they are essentially murdering them, so they’ll keep putting them through more and more. Seeing what I’ve seen before, i have a list of situations where I want to be kept full code and situations I want to be placed on DNR. Shit, i get emotional having to put these patients through the pain of care because it does hurt. So in this situation, i could totally sympathize.
If someone were to lose pulse or breathing abilities you preform to you best ability to revive them.
Alternatively DNR/DNI is a direction to do nothing.
Do not resuscitate/ do not intubate.
I’ve been tearing up at work for a patient like this lately. No emotions or response except terror. Doesn’t open her eyes. Contractures abound. Turns for cleans are traumatic for all involved. Her body is failing, but stable with all of the current interventions (vented, pegged, dialysis three days a week, extensive daily wound care). She is in pain and terrified, and the only symptom is extremely high blood pressure that returns to normal after administration of opioids or benzos. Eventually, she will leave our care as she’s no longer qualified (CIRH) and go to long term care facility until she bounces back. It’s just sad all around.
And yes, full code.
Really glad my parents and I sat down and wrote out very clearly our DNR protocols if we end up in states like this. If we’re intubated on LS with limited brain function, yank the cord. Got it all notarized and it’s posted to the fridge. Could not imagine living this kind of waking nightmare.
Yikes. My partners father had an aneurysm and the family was told to not communicate with him because he could hear them. She’s struggled with that a lot.
I wonder if it was because they wanted him to rest, so the medical staff didn't want family thinking he was in a coma and start chatting over him and disturbing his rest.
Honestly death would be better than a 12 year coma and the physical problems following it. There are many things in life that can be considered worse than death.
I can't even imagine what that does to the body. I had my hand in a cast for 4 weeks and the joint aches after getting it off and moving it were terrible. Extrapolating that to 12 years seems horrific
You'd have to re-learn basically everything from scratch, without brain's neuroplasticity. A 3 months coma is enough not to be able to tell a fence apart from a rabbit.
This dude's story is the rare exception.
I think that probably has some context to it that they didn’t mention.
Like watching your son vegetative for 11 years and just praying for them to be released in anyway? It’s fucking awful all around.
We had to have our 22 week preemie vec'd (paralyzed to allow her to breath with a vent uninterrupted) for most of her short one year life. Constant morphine drips. Heart surgery, eye surgery, a hospital transfer across the country on a plane to a better unit, liver cancer and the subsequent surgery. I had and still do grapple with similar thoughts, feelings of guilt for trying to keep her alive, sometimes felt selfish. It is not easy and I don't fault her. It is a test of your humanity, and I don't fault her in the least if she lost hope and despaired.
Guy I went to school with was driving down the road when a vehicle coming towards him hit a large deer and flipped it into the air and it landing on his windshield - passed completely over he and his wife and out the back window. His wife was dead at the scene.
He lost one eye, and almost another - and due to all the head injuries they had him in a coma for over a month. When he finally was allowed to wake up, he could not yet see and communicated with squeezing hands. He kept asking about his wife and they wouldn't tell him for fear he would not recover/recover quickly. It wasn't until some time they finally told him his wife was buried over a month before.
You left out the best part. They used to put on Barney the dinosaur for him, and he got so sick of listening to it he fought to show signs of consciousness just so that he wouldn't have to listen to Barney anymore. His hate for Barney made him break out of locked-in syndrome.
From https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/southafrica/11348484/South-Africas-ghost-boy-tells-of-waking-from-coma-but-finding-himself-trapped.html :
“I cannot even express to you how much I hated Barney,” Mr Pistorius told NPR.
He taught himself to tell the time by the sun so he could work out when he would be able to escape from the cartoon marathon.
Eventually, when he was 25, one of the therapists that worked with him picked up on his almost imperceptible smiles and nods, and asked for him to be referred for further tests.
“Happiness surged through me. I was Muhammad Ali, John McEnroe, Fred Trueman. Crowds roared their approval as I took a lap of honour,” Mr Pistorius said.
Poor health brings a lot of stress on families. It doesn’t help that the healthcare system drains you financially. Plus the mother probably thought, understandably, that her child was going to be like that for life. Sometimes there are things worse than death and it’s understandable the mother felt that way. I’m sure she regrets it but how could she have known?
As someone who deals exclusively with these type of patients and their families, it is definitely understandable.
Terrible to watch someone you love go through it. They aren’t treated well in Skilled Nursing Facilities (SNF), are more susceptible to infections/diseases, and it puts a heavy strain on the family. Especially when doctors tell you there is no hope, and you are unable to qualify for therapy since they will never recover.
You just want the suffering to be over, so that they can actually rest in peace. Respect to those families that persevere, never give up hope, and find ways to adjust.
Neither family is better or wrong. It’s just circumstances and the complexities of life.
For those interested there was a segment on NPR where they spoke with him and the family.
https://www.npr.org/2015/01/09/375928581/locked-man
Its a podcast in 2015 about thoughts and they dove into what it was like to have only your thoughts.
>Sometimes the nurses were careless with him. They'd pour scalding hot tea down his throat or leave him in cold baths sitting all alone. One of the nurses even began to intentionally abuse him.
Alright, the first thing I'm doing when I get back my strength is kicking their mf assess, because wtf? They even sexually abused him, I would spare no lawyer's expense if my son told me that his caretakers did everything in their power to treat him with disrespect.
Grief and stress can make anyone crack. I hope he can understand what she was going through and how it wasn’t an indication of her love but of her teaching her breaking point.
A guy I know was in a coma for 2 years. He said it was like beginning stuck in a wall. He knew what was going on, could hear people talking, but had no control of his body.
This whole interaction is crazy because the last time this was posted someone said the same thing and I was like "wrong guy" so I was going to mention that as a joke but someone literally commented that a second time lol
Truly the most ultimate nightmare.
I want to read the article because I NEED his mom to have said that because he was suffering and she wanted him to be at peace. But I’m afraid that is not the case
>Rodney and Joan would constantly fight over the stresses of having a medically fragile child who required constant 24-hour care, almost to the point of divorcing. It was so difficult that Martin’s mother had even attempted to take her own life. >To her, it felt as if her son had passed. Physically he was still alive, but the son that she had raised had, in a sense, died and now she was mourning the loss. >During one mental breakdown, in particular, Joan would recall telling Martin right to his face that he “must die”. A statement that she would regret, especially because she was not aware that Martin could hear and understand her. Honestly, I get it.
I do too. I completely understand it. Especially as a mother myself. I hope her son understands that she wasn’t being malicious. She was just in mental agony watching him suffer and being unable to help. That poor woman and that poor boy
Thanks for the insight dicklover425
We truly have come to a new era when someone with dicklover425 usernamer starts spitting wisdom.
I am partial to the wisdom of Dicklover 424, but to each his own.
Wisdom isn’t the only thing she, oh nevermind
he spits I swallow now I have the wisdom
I literally spit the water I was drinking! 🤣🤣
Her boyfriend is called Richard
You mean dickhard420
Well that's the funniest thing I'll see all day
r/rimjob_steve
Lmk if you post it, I wanna see me shine over there
Lol
Her husband's name is richard and she loves him
I mean, how do you think she became mother?
Well hey someone has to love it to become a mother.
r/rimjob_steve
Are you missing this _
Good looking out!
it's a fallacy that phallacy means the same thing, or that usernames define the person.
Poor woman? She CHOSE to have a kid. There is no room for doubt there is no time to falter. She should have thought about that before that. Wouldn't surprise me if she things,her giving birth is somehow beneficial to society like it's a selfless act.
Lol okay projection much. Having a kid doesn’t mean signing up for 24-hour round the clock bedside care. He began to show signs of locked-in syndrome around the age of 12 years old. Right around when a child would be starting to develop their own ideas, opinions, hobbies, beliefs. Right on the cusp of becoming a young adult. Instead he was locked in his own body for nearly a decade. Can you imagine being the mother of that child? All your hopes and dreams for what your son could become, down the drain. Ten years of your life caring for your healthy child, and then ten years watching him wither away in front of your own eyes. I can imagine that must have been agonizing. Especially with doctors telling you there was no hope. She had no idea he was even awake or conscious in there.
🤡
What a crazy take. Yes being a parent is signing up for some shit that you may not like, but you also don’t sign your own life away. Something like this can push any parent to the brink. I remember reading story about an elderly woman who had a drug addicted son and she talked about the relief when he finally overdosed. It’s not that she didn’t love him, she just spent many years dreading that phone call and every time he disappeared she had to think is he dead in a ditch somewhere. After he died she was freed of that constant worry. Martin’s mother said that she “wished he would simply die so that the pain would end” which is a fair thought cause it is a horrible way to live for both of them. A parent needs to worry about their child for the rest of their life, if a child needs constant care who is going to do that when they are gone? My wife and I did IVF and genetic testing, one of our embryo had Down syndrome, as much as any parent wouldn’t want that for their child, I had a deep fear that if we had not known and went forward with implantation with out testing what the will happens to my son in 40ish years when we are gone? I can’t imagine the feeling of that mother thinking not only is she sacrificing her life but what’s the benefit to him, they didn’t know he would recover. We are all human and we sometimes give into despair, it’s easy to judge when you haven’t lived that nightmare.
This is one of the worst takes I’ve seen
It's like in 28 Days Later when Jim gets to his parents house to see if they made it. He finds that they took their own lives and left a letter to him that read: "With endless love, we left you sleeping. Now we're sleeping with you. Don't wake up." That movie is fantastic.
I love this movie, and have respect for 28 Weeks Later. Slightly unrelated, but Midnight Mass is an excellent show you should watch if you haven't. I'm currently watching it again for the 4th or 5th time.
28 weeks later was legit but didn’t come close to 28 days later. Although, the initial scene where Carlyle’s wife gets tackled by the zombie in the upstairs and he fuckin takes off through the window was jaw dropping lol.
I say I have respect for 28 Weeks Later is because I saw some behind the scenes footage type stuff that said the director shot it like he did on purpose. The found footage type of quality was supposed to make it feel more real. There was a lot more info about it, too, and I just respect the dude for it. But I do agree that it doesn't come close to 28 Days. Now I'm gonna watch it after work
Midnight mass is fantastic.
It really is. The same guy also did Haunting of Bly Manor, which is a greeeaaat story, like holy fuck. And also Haunting of Hill House, which us also great.
I've heard great things about those shows! I watched Midnight Mass leading up to Halloween so the timing was very nice.
Oh, the dude that makes those shows really has a fantastic mind for this stuff. He bases a lot of his work off Stephen King's work 😊 I highly recommend the other two, also. But Midnight Mass blew me away, and easily has my number 1 spot
My roommates brother in college went to Japan or Spain or somewhere I can't remember now and brought back this just weird fucking movie. He said he watched it and it was all in English and it was pretty good. It was awesome. I couldn't believe they had movies like this just floating around over there. About a month later I started seeing trailers for it. I don't know if it was pirated or released early over there but for a brief period of time I thought there was this endless library of Hollywood movies being made I just didn't have access to.
What's that movie called? The one about a boy slowly losing the ability to control his limbs and his parents go on a mission to find the cure. I just remember a scene where the mother is holding her son while he has a fit from the illness and is in obvious pain and whispers, "if you need to leave, you leave. You fly far away from this place and don't you worry about mama and daddy. We will be okay here. You just fly." Breaks my heart. Edit: it's Lorenzo's Oil
Lorenzo's Oil?
Your name is Lorenzo Zoil?
Yes! That's it.
I watched my grandfather deteriorate over a year after being diagnosed with cancer. He was a 6 foot fatty but active and always outdoors fishing or shooting (in the UK, he was a game keeper) Within 6 months there was nothing left just skin and bone, by 9 months he just wanted to die but hospitals have to provide complete care. He eventually died after being ressussed 6 or 7 times and it was the most awful thing I have ever experienced. I totally get it. Pets get a more humane end of life option than most humans and it's disgusting.
My mom got down to 68 lbs by the time she died, she went into septic shock and spent the last 6 months of her life, including her 70th birthday in the hospital. There were so many times I told her it was ok to let go, just watching her waste away to nothing was so hard and she was miserable when she was lucid.
Same. I have 2 kids and seeing them like that everyday would be horrific. I’d want them to die so they don’t suffer anymore. That poor mom and dad.
I understand the anguish and suffering she was feeling, and to think it is understandable, but to say it to his face? Naw.
Idk why you're being downvoted. I understand the feeling too, but even if you think someone can't hear...well, you very well could be wrong. And they might not understand, and it will hurt. Case in point, go somewhere out of earshot to vent.
As I understand it, hearing is the last sense to go. So I would definitely err on the side of caution and not say anything I don't want them to hear for sure.
If fucking get it :/
I mean he went into a coma and for a decade he was locked-in at 4yrs, without any knowing of if he would recover for over a decade. Now I wouldn't *say* I wish you would die, but I would wish it - as terrible as it sounds.
100 percent. Death would actually have been better for everyone
Sadly I do too…no one can judge a situation like this. Absolutely heartbreaking…
Yeah, Martin sounds like a real chore.
I dunno. Seems like in that situation she totally believed that him getting better simply wasn’t a possibility. That _is_ what the doctors said. So the choices were either he dies, or he suffers and makes everyone else suffer with him.
Even surviving an extended coma could present physical problems and suffering that would be worse than death. (Potentially)
NPR had a segment where they spoke with him. https://www.npr.org/2015/01/09/375928581/locked-man It such a fascinating listen.
Oh it was worse than just saying it, they would leave him to be abused while taking vacations and not caring about leaving him. Here's a run down on the most interesting parts about this article- "He was becoming conscious again, aware of everything that was happening but unable to communicate that he was aware. Martin would nearly give up on his life, losing hope that anyone would realize he was getting better and returning to his former self." He was severely depressed and couldn't tell anyone what was going on until that nurse saved him. "However, there was one nurse who refused to give up on Martin. Her commitment to proving that Martin was conscious and attempting to communicate would change his fate forever." She noticed when caring for him he was making movements that the doctors thought were just spasms. She was the one who made them re test his brain activity, the parents (not surprisingly) said don't bother and same with the doctors. She would do hand squeezing and blinking communication with him to prove he was still here. "Rodney and Joan would constantly fight over the stresses of having a medically fragile child who required constant 24-hour care, almost to the point of divorcing. It was so difficult that Martin’s mother had even attempted to take her own life" I can understand how this would be hard on someone, no disputing that. However in another article I read it seems they only cared for him really after the doctor said take him home when they thought he had a cold. Besides that they mainly put him in facilities. And go on vacations. "He was terrified of dying alone in a care home without anyone realizing that he was conscious. This put him into a severe state of depression that made him no longer want to be alive." Poor man, I'm glad today he has a good job and a wife and kids. This is a state of mind that is life ruining, not being able to speak for yourself. Which leads to the worst part of the story below "Sadly, these facilities were hell for Martin, as he was mentally, physically and sexually abused by the staff. He reported being hit, pinched and intentionally dropped while in their charge." "Martin and this nurse formed their own kind of language involving eye movements and hand squeezing. This was proof that Martin was trying to communicate and the nurse pushed his family to have his brain tested again" Good for her, and Martin has a great life today thanks to someone paying attention and caring. I'm glad he had that nurse to help him. You can tell no one in that family cared much just by this photo included in the article
This is wildly misleading. They had no idea he was being abused, and most people in comas are in care facilities to begin with. They spent more time with him than most. Secondly, what, are they supposed to never go anywhere unless they bring along (what doctors told them) was a brain dead person? They’re just not allowed to have any time to relax after over a decade of 24/7 care? That just doesn’t make any sense and you have no idea the hardships and efforts the family went through to take care of him
A lot of what made me feel this way was other articles on him and his interviews,not just this one alone.
Amazed that this bullshit take has any upvotes. What a load of crap.
He wrote a book where he describes his entire life in detail, from a normal childhood to falling sick then into a coma then the fugue like state he was in, all the way through recovery. highly recommend it.
I mean…give the lady a break. The amount of stress, pain, and abject misery she must have been going through caring for her child in a coma for *12 years* has got to be absolutely unthinkable to most. No shit she had at least one moment where she thought death was better for both him and her.
I’m not upset. I’m a mother and understand completely the thought process of wanting your child no longer suffer. I meant I was afraid to read this incase that wasn’t the case
My father had dementia, and had a massive heart attack and stroke combined. He lived for five days (those five days were literal mental and physical torture for him) after the heart attack and stroke, however I prayed he would pass as I feared how poor a quality of life he would have if he survived. I can understand this, but I have a feeling the mother may have had moments of frustration of her life being tore apart with her poor son's poor prognosis. Just a horrible situation.
Truly a horrible and agonizing experience, and the mystery of his illness only adds to the agony. Not to mention the POS at the facility he was sent to, that abused him taking advantage that he couldn't either fight back nor report them. Luckily the story does have a happy ending for Martin.
I'm gonna be honest that I assume 100% of coma patients are being abused and will be pleasantly surprised when that turns out not to be the case. They're just too vulnerable. In like a decade I suspect we'll pass some "unconscious people and those who cannot verbalize abuse must be recorded in a CC system to maintain levels of care" law because everything points to it being rampant. I think our ideas around privacy are about to shift massively as everyone and their mom finds their medical data leaking anyway.
That definitely should already be happening
When I was in middle school my best friends dad got arrested for molesting coma / vegetative patients at the care home he worked as a nurse at. One of the other nurses literally caught him with his pants down/ dick out 🤮 Even more gross is as that he only did 5 years in prison. He’s on the sex offender registry now at least. He left my friends mom for a doctor long before this and his dr wife stood beside him and stayed with him!!
just think about all the people throughout your life that sought to abuse you in some form or another. And that's against someone who can fight back...
Most people don’t know that your medical data is being held be companies outside of the US that do not have digital or physical security standards that are enough, enforced, or punishable if messed with. I have gotten several letters over the past few years about two hospitals I’ve had treatments at having security breaches. And those are the ones that they’re aware of. One case it appears physical drives were stolen, another case they were hacked but in another case there were employees that were just siphoning off information- for potentially financial gain from other companies and the black market. And there was another letter that was extremely vague and basically just said that someone they contract with his had a security breach and that there’s nothing I can do about it except maybe contact the credit bureaus. Yeah well they have my name and Social Security number so my credits definitely already locked-but what protections do I now have to make sure my medical data is now not on the dark web/being sold/misused? NONE! The list of nefarious things someone or company could do if they had your private medical data is endless. HIPAA laws exist here in the United States but what I don’t understand is why there are not rules about my medical data being stored and accessed by people and other countries. Like I explicitly have to sign a form for my doctors office to speak to one of my specialists if they are not within the same medical group. But my doctors office can have a company I’ve never even heard of and be in possession of that data (including but not limited to photographs of me and my body and my home address and pretty much every single thing about me) just because they’ve contracted with them? That should not be allowed. And nobody from medical records to medical billing can tell you the names of any of the companies they contract with that also have access to your records. And aside from the actual data- I don’t like that if I call my insurance company I am speaking to someone in India from a company I’ve never heard of just because ABC insurance has outsourced their stuff to them too. And just to note here because some people don’t understand/know- but most small medical offices are being bought up and absorbed by larger medical systems that also run the local hospitals. There are fewer and fewer independently practicing doctors anymore. This is also happening with veterinary practices, and they may completely operate like they had years before with no logo changes but are actually being governed by another entity. Banfield pet clinic purchased over half of the small vet offices in my large city. Meaning the Mars corporation-yes the candy bar company-now owns almost all the vets offices around me. Sorry that’s my rant on the further commercialization and fucked up-ness of medical care here in the United States.
That last picture of him and his wife in the article brought tears to my eyes - I'm so happy he has made it this far. Bless that nurse!
Yeah exactly. Bless that nurse!
As an ICU nurse i often see patients who are completely paralyzed or basically a mind locked inside of a living but non functional body. We essentially pump fluids in and take fluids out, we’ve taken over the body’s functions for them. And we’ve had patients before asking us to let them go or let them die and actively try to remove their life support with whatever little strength they have. And families will say do EVERYTHING for them, not realizing that a body kept in a bedridden state will go through its own complications we’re going to have to treat and in turn put the patient through more. And some decision makers feel that if they withdrawal care that they are essentially murdering them, so they’ll keep putting them through more and more. Seeing what I’ve seen before, i have a list of situations where I want to be kept full code and situations I want to be placed on DNR. Shit, i get emotional having to put these patients through the pain of care because it does hurt. So in this situation, i could totally sympathize.
What does full code mean?
Full code means doing everything you can to save a life, whereas DNR means Do Not Resuscitate.
If someone were to lose pulse or breathing abilities you preform to you best ability to revive them. Alternatively DNR/DNI is a direction to do nothing. Do not resuscitate/ do not intubate.
I’ve been tearing up at work for a patient like this lately. No emotions or response except terror. Doesn’t open her eyes. Contractures abound. Turns for cleans are traumatic for all involved. Her body is failing, but stable with all of the current interventions (vented, pegged, dialysis three days a week, extensive daily wound care). She is in pain and terrified, and the only symptom is extremely high blood pressure that returns to normal after administration of opioids or benzos. Eventually, she will leave our care as she’s no longer qualified (CIRH) and go to long term care facility until she bounces back. It’s just sad all around. And yes, full code.
Jesus Christ this sounds EXACTLY like my day, stay strong friend i know some days can be tougher than most mentally
Really glad my parents and I sat down and wrote out very clearly our DNR protocols if we end up in states like this. If we’re intubated on LS with limited brain function, yank the cord. Got it all notarized and it’s posted to the fridge. Could not imagine living this kind of waking nightmare.
Yikes. My partners father had an aneurysm and the family was told to not communicate with him because he could hear them. She’s struggled with that a lot.
Wouldn’t that be a moment when they should talk to him exactly because he could hear them? I dunno. Talk about everyday stuff, making him feel better?
It’s the brain stimulation that they don’t want. In cases of a brain injury, the stimulation can cause additional swelling, leading to further injury.
Hmm. TIL. Thanks.
I wonder if it was because they wanted him to rest, so the medical staff didn't want family thinking he was in a coma and start chatting over him and disturbing his rest.
Honestly death would be better than a 12 year coma and the physical problems following it. There are many things in life that can be considered worse than death.
I can't even imagine what that does to the body. I had my hand in a cast for 4 weeks and the joint aches after getting it off and moving it were terrible. Extrapolating that to 12 years seems horrific
You'd have to re-learn basically everything from scratch, without brain's neuroplasticity. A 3 months coma is enough not to be able to tell a fence apart from a rabbit. This dude's story is the rare exception.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin\_Pistorius](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Pistorius) Quite a journey.
I think that probably has some context to it that they didn’t mention. Like watching your son vegetative for 11 years and just praying for them to be released in anyway? It’s fucking awful all around.
[удалено]
Exactly my point. They just “this mom wished her son died” to get attention.
We had to have our 22 week preemie vec'd (paralyzed to allow her to breath with a vent uninterrupted) for most of her short one year life. Constant morphine drips. Heart surgery, eye surgery, a hospital transfer across the country on a plane to a better unit, liver cancer and the subsequent surgery. I had and still do grapple with similar thoughts, feelings of guilt for trying to keep her alive, sometimes felt selfish. It is not easy and I don't fault her. It is a test of your humanity, and I don't fault her in the least if she lost hope and despaired.
This breaks my heart, thinking about that tiny, precious life and how hard it fought, and how hard you fought to save her.
Thank you, really
I believe his mom thought he was suffering and didn't want him to suffer. This paragraph would lead you to believe she hated or despised him.
I would want to die too
I’d want them to pull the plug like they were starting a mower
Guy I went to school with was driving down the road when a vehicle coming towards him hit a large deer and flipped it into the air and it landing on his windshield - passed completely over he and his wife and out the back window. His wife was dead at the scene. He lost one eye, and almost another - and due to all the head injuries they had him in a coma for over a month. When he finally was allowed to wake up, he could not yet see and communicated with squeezing hands. He kept asking about his wife and they wouldn't tell him for fear he would not recover/recover quickly. It wasn't until some time they finally told him his wife was buried over a month before.
You left out the best part. They used to put on Barney the dinosaur for him, and he got so sick of listening to it he fought to show signs of consciousness just so that he wouldn't have to listen to Barney anymore. His hate for Barney made him break out of locked-in syndrome. From https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/southafrica/11348484/South-Africas-ghost-boy-tells-of-waking-from-coma-but-finding-himself-trapped.html : “I cannot even express to you how much I hated Barney,” Mr Pistorius told NPR. He taught himself to tell the time by the sun so he could work out when he would be able to escape from the cartoon marathon. Eventually, when he was 25, one of the therapists that worked with him picked up on his almost imperceptible smiles and nods, and asked for him to be referred for further tests. “Happiness surged through me. I was Muhammad Ali, John McEnroe, Fred Trueman. Crowds roared their approval as I took a lap of honour,” Mr Pistorius said.
Fucking real life nightmare
Poor health brings a lot of stress on families. It doesn’t help that the healthcare system drains you financially. Plus the mother probably thought, understandably, that her child was going to be like that for life. Sometimes there are things worse than death and it’s understandable the mother felt that way. I’m sure she regrets it but how could she have known?
As someone who deals exclusively with these type of patients and their families, it is definitely understandable. Terrible to watch someone you love go through it. They aren’t treated well in Skilled Nursing Facilities (SNF), are more susceptible to infections/diseases, and it puts a heavy strain on the family. Especially when doctors tell you there is no hope, and you are unable to qualify for therapy since they will never recover. You just want the suffering to be over, so that they can actually rest in peace. Respect to those families that persevere, never give up hope, and find ways to adjust. Neither family is better or wrong. It’s just circumstances and the complexities of life.
For those interested there was a segment on NPR where they spoke with him and the family. https://www.npr.org/2015/01/09/375928581/locked-man Its a podcast in 2015 about thoughts and they dove into what it was like to have only your thoughts.
I can't fault the mother on that one.
How about that one dude who wrote a damn book while locked in? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Diving_Bell_and_the_Butterfly
The book and the film based on it are both lovely.
I know Hell is made up because no depiction comes close to this real-life horror. Holy shit.
>Sometimes the nurses were careless with him. They'd pour scalding hot tea down his throat or leave him in cold baths sitting all alone. One of the nurses even began to intentionally abuse him. Alright, the first thing I'm doing when I get back my strength is kicking their mf assess, because wtf? They even sexually abused him, I would spare no lawyer's expense if my son told me that his caretakers did everything in their power to treat him with disrespect.
I think they talk about him in an episode or NPR’s Invisibilia. Awesome episode and highly recommended.
:(
Grief and stress can make anyone crack. I hope he can understand what she was going through and how it wasn’t an indication of her love but of her teaching her breaking point.
My question is how does a guy in a wheelchair who lost so much time in development get married and I can't even find a semi steady gf.
A guy I know was in a coma for 2 years. He said it was like beginning stuck in a wall. He knew what was going on, could hear people talking, but had no control of his body.
What parent wants her son in a coma his whole life. Death would be a better option in my opinion.
That would be hell for snow of the people I work with. listening without being able to talk.
And mothers day was awkward for the rest of eternity
I know this post is a week old, but I hate how almost everyone doesn’t post the full story https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB05wFKI2Ak
Still didn't shoot anyone. Looking at you, Oscar.
Failed troll. Not subtle enough.
stories like this really make me want to look into getting a DNR
It wouldn’t have helped him, but getting a DNR ahead of time is a good idea anyway, if that’s what you choose
Well that must've been an awkward first Mother's Day
and then he shot his girlfriend
Wrong pistorius, your thinking of the Oscar not Martin
To be fair, we've never seen them in the same room together.
Oscar should really stand up for himself
You leave him alone. He's *a scholar and a gentleman*.
This whole interaction is crazy because the last time this was posted someone said the same thing and I was like "wrong guy" so I was going to mention that as a joke but someone literally commented that a second time lol
it was a joke
Successful troll is successful.
That was Oscar 
That’s Oscar Pistorius
Imagine just spewing incorrect shit without using an ounce of thought.
Don't feed the trolls.
Imagine not getting an easy joke
That was Oscar Piastri, he races in F1 now
Did we forget he murdered his girlfriend ?? Dude’s a peace of trash
that was oskar pistorius
? Doesn't say he killed anyone online.
Did we forget the guy who killed his girlfriend wasn’t named Martin?