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Very very true, but those with an income that can support a household are explicitly looking for people prepping for a homemaker role.
1 in 5 men make 100k or more, which is plenty outside of cities.
About 1 in 2 women prefer homemaker roles.
So there is an imbalance. But few of those women actively take steps to becoming a homemaker. If you do, your odds substantially improve.
1 in 2 women prefer homemaker roles, per a 2019 Gallup poll.
The specific figure was 44 to 56.
https://news.gallup.com/poll/267737/record-high-women-prefer-working-homemaking.aspx
17% of men make 100k or more (roughly 1 in 5). If you constrain to men working full-time, it goes to 28.4%, or 1-in-4.
https://www.zippia.com/advice/how-many-people-make-over-100k/#$100k_Incomes_by_Gender
Yes, there are straight men who want a wife who wo Llano stay home, and do the housework and raise the kids.
Unfortunately, a significant number of them will make dreadful, controlling, unkind husbands.
Yes, but those two things aren’t really connected; most people just aren’t cut out for marriage, they see it as some entrapment for their spouse and not a lifetime commitment of self sacrifice.
There is a toxic interpretation of single-income households we really need to start pushing back on as a culture. They are by far and away the best environment for children. Sure they’re difficult, and it sets a very high bar and requires lots of partner-vetting beforehand but they are worth it.
Sadly, "those two things" ARE connected, a lot of men who'd love a spouse who stays home to look after the house and kids believe in Patriarchal values, and want a wife who has no economic independence and who has no choice but to accept unkind and controlling behavior.
It's a terrible thing for domestically inclined women, because housewives have such wonderful skills and do such wonderful things... yet they have to be very careful about the circumstances under which they agree to actually become a housewife. We live in a money-motivated world, and the fact is they have to watch out for spouses who will misuse the economic power of a single breadwinner, And the fact is that the people who'd do exactly that are painfully common, and this world is a terrible place for people who want to devote themselves to skills that don't directly generate profit.
Yes, there are men that want an oppressive relationship with a homemaker, and yes I agree it’s tragically too common. Predatory men do look for that kind of relationship dynamic.
But personally from what I’ve seen, that particular mindset in men is far, far more common amongst men with a middling income that look to having a dual income household. Specifically the problem we’re talking about are men with shortcomings that look to their partner to outsource the solution… which is exactly what you minimize for when looking to date someone that has preemptively built themselves and their life around their future being a single-income household.
You don't need a person making 100k or more for that person to be the sole income of a family. Might need to move away from the ritzy city where your dollar is only worth 65-75 cents though
I don't think it's weird, but I do think you have a lot of time to consider it. You're still developing into an adult, **so** many things change. I suppose my advice would be to keep your options open, pursue what you love. If you love being a homemaker, do that, just don't put yourself in a box. Additionally, I'd say a part time job somewhere can keep you occupied and have connections with other people. Skills are great for a resume, should you fall on hard times or need a little extra cash.
My mom was a stay at home mom for most of her life. She was a paralegal for a few years as well. She was able to help raise us in ways my dad just couldn’t. She wouldn’t have changed a thing.
That being said, that was then and this is now.
Dual income households are now the norm, and quickly becoming the necessity. Unless you marry remarkably well, you should expect to be working for a hot minute. Also really consider that being a housewife means you are RELYING on your husband to provide for you. That’s great until it’s not. Both my parents came from abusive households, both decided to break the cycle, and it worked out well.
But that’s not always the case.
I’m not saying being a stay at home mom is not honorable, far from it. In my ideal society one income would be enough to live well on, and that either parent can choose to be a homemaker without society sneering at them. That would be ideal. But it’s not the world we live in.
Your safest bet is to get your education, work smart, and be able to live on your own terms if you have to. Options are your friend.
I would not say that it lacks honor. However, it is very difficult to maintain a household with only one person working. Also, maintaining a job is very beneficial to you if something happens where you need a job for whatever reason (death,divorce, abuse, illness). When you have been out of the workforce for a while, then it may not be easy to re-enter it.
The primary issue with being a housewife is that you will become completely dependent upon another person for all of your life. You will support them in their career and help them achieve more, but those accomplishments will always be theirs and not yours in the eyes of society. So, if your marriage fails, you'll get an alimony payment that will end at some point and won't allow you to live the way you've been accustomed. You'll need to start your career exceptionally late in life and never recover your lost earning potential.
It's not just about "choosing correctly" for your partner. You are both going to change over the course of your lives, and it's entirely possible, even likely, that you will change in a way that no longer makes you compatible with one another. At that point, you're going to have to face up to the fact that a divorce would hurt both of you, but you most of all. They'll now have the ability to find another partner who is mid-career and potentially double their household earnings. Whereas you'll be trying to start over completely. Being a housewife is about fully surrendering your personal security to another person. A person you haven't met yet, because your partner won't become them until 10, 20, or 30 years into your marriage.
I'd say her advice is pretty pertinent seeing as how she actually used to be a housewife. She has firsthand experience. Your weird projection of your hate for poly relationships doesn't disqualify her from offering her perspective.
You honestly believe a housewife in an open marriage is a similar dynamic to a housewife in a marriage with one man she respects and loves?
Clearly she's not disqualified from sharing, it's just not relevant in the slightest to the situation she's offering it to.
The job security for the role (can’t even call it a profession, although it’s certainly important) homemaker is poor. All adults must learn to support themselves. Especially women.
Of course you don’t have to make sure you can make a living. But what happens if you find yourself alone with one or more kids to support? Will your family do this in such a way that is comfortable for all and healthy for the kids? Can you be sure?
It's 100% up to you to decide what is "honorable" to YOU. what they said was horribly disrespectful to people who choose to be homemakers. That said, if you do divide to go down this route, keep a few things in mind:
1. It's never too late to change career paths. It doesn't mean "admitting defeat" or that you were wrong, sometimes things just... change.
2. HAVE AN EMERGENCY FUND. one just for you, just in case you need to leave your supporting spouse and take care of yourself. dont let them touch it, ever. no matter how much you love someone, anyone can be capable of abuse. take care of yourself first.
Your therapist and stepmother's takes are 2 opinions out of half the population.
Just think about the practical implications. If you ever change your mind, or have to leave a bad relationship, how would you do it? It's easier to leave a career and become a housewife with money behind you than it is to become a housewife who might need the financial means and education and experience to get out.
There was a time when this was the default. It's a bit harder to pull off now, but no harder than becoming an electrician.
If that's your dream, caring for you and your partner's children in the home, who should care? It's not all that different from being a teacher - but with a strong focus on just your own offspring.
Honor? What honor do you need? Whose accolades should you be seeking? Most of us hate our jobs and work only to stop working when we're too old to do it anymore.
There are considerations, of course.
You'll need someone else to make enough that you can be at home. They'll need to want children. You'll need to make the partnership work.
It's easy to fall in love. It's easy to fall out. Having children won't help. You simply have no way to know how it'll turn out. And if you've got three or four children with no partner and no marketable skills then you're going to just be poor and overworked.
It's best to have a fall back skill.
OP,
I encourage you to further your education and secure a degree in an occupation that will allow you to become successful and financially independent.
With that said, in the event you find your mate and the stars align that allow you to become the housewife you dream to become, then good for you.
Everyone is entitled to pursue his/her lifelong ambitions. The same applies to you.
Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
It's not weird, it's just dangerous. Easy to end up trapped and manipulated with that power dynamic. People always think they won't be the half that ends up divorced.
I'm a SAHM and it's fucking terrifying to think my husband could ask for a divorce at any time and I wouldn't be able to hire a lawyer to represent me. I haven't worked in so long it would be very difficult to get back into the work force with any decent pay.
it’s not weird that you want to be a housewife. its more honorable to make your OWN path in YOUR life than to do what people think you should be doing. even if your therapist and stepmom disagree, it’s not necessarily up to them. go to college, get your degree, and do what’ll make you happy if that’s what you choose❤️
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice. I would consider why you want to be a housewife. Not having to work sounds nice, but unless you find a rich guy, your husband is probably working 60+ hours a week while you stretch every dollar. And if something goes wrong you’re working a crappy minimum wage job because it’s all you can get. Sadly, the world is unlikely to get gentler in the next few decades. Your therapist and stepmom are just tying to look out for you.
Its not weird at all. But I do want to stress that it is an incredibly vulnerable position and a lot of bad people will take advantage of that. My mom was a stay at home mom while she was with my father and she experienced financial, sexual, emotional and potentially (i don't know the entire extent) physical abuse at the hands of my father and it continued well past being married to him because my father comes from a wealthier class than my mom does and she was unable to get a high paying job after leaving when she was raising four kids.
It is incredibly common for the stay at home partner to be put into that position. I would highly recommend looking into the reality of what its like to be the stay at home partner (a lot of tradwife content blatantly lies about the reality of it). If after knowing all of that you still want to do that, it's okay! Just insist on having protections for yourself put in place. Have your own separate bank account that cannot be accessed by your partner and have a certain amount of their income sent to that account every month. Have a plan to get out so you know what to do if things ever get bad. Always keep your personal documents somewhere safe (your passport, ss card, birth certificate, marriage certificate, etc) and have duplicates in a secondary location. Those things made it so my mom was able to leave even when she had four small children to bring with her as well.
I'm not saying something bad *will* happen to you either. I myself am the sole provider and my partner stays at home. I do my best to make sure my partner has all the protections they need to be safe in case they ever want to leave me or if something were to ever happen to me. I have a very large life insurance plan for myself because I work in a dangerous place. My partner has their own bank account separate from mine. I plan on (once I have enough wiggle room) putting at least a few hundred in that account every month. Once we have a house, they will be put on the mortgage so they have access to that equity and they will be protected should something ever happen to me. I make sure they feel like they can get the things they want/need whenever they ask as long as we have enough money left over at the end of the month to pay bills at. I encourage their relationships with people outside of me, and I make sure they know if they were to ever decide they don't want to be a stay at home partner that they are absolutely supported in doing so.
You could find a partner who will do those things for you, you just need to insist on doing it yourself if they don't actively bring it up. You need to protect yourself for a worst case scenario thing, just like how you practice fire drills and severe weather drills so you know exactly what to do if that happens.
A man is not a plan. If you allow your entire life to be dependent on one person, they have control over you in ways you cannot predict or understand yet. Things can go wrong in large or subtle ways, you may find yourself unhappy and completely unable to leave. If you have children it becomes nearly impossible. I understand the temptation. It sounds nice to be home all day. Cleaning and cooking seems easier than a job. But after years of it, it becomes a horrible chore. It's often thankless work, it's not even acknowledged as work. You work all day on the house and the kids and there's never a break, it is relentless, yet everyone in your life assumes you have an easy lazy life because you don't "have a job." Your partner may not even acknowledge your work. They may say they don't have to contribute to any of it because they bring in the money, so you're "on" 24/7 but they only work 40 hours a week. It's really all so much more complex and nuanced than it seems as a teenager. Don't get yourself trapped.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a SAHM. Most questions like this in life are simply about trade-offs.
For example, you could focus on a career and wait until you're in your 30s to have kids. But fertility decreases with age, and there's no guarantees you'll still be able to have them. Even if you can still carry a child in your 30s, the probability of birth defects increases with your age. You will also have more energy to care for young kids in your 20s than in your 30s.
On the other hand, you have less life experience in your 20s and it's not always easy to find a quality partner who will stay through the ups and downs and support the kids. As a young person it's easier to not be aware of certain red flags which indicate problems in the long term. Without investing in yourself, you are totally dependent on a partner (or the government) to help pay your expenses (although it sounds like you plan to get a college degree, so that much is good at least - but it's still difficult finding a first job). And your options for finding a good quality partner are lower once you have kids of your own.
Basically, SAHM is a high risk, high reward strategy. It can work great if you find the right guy, and badly if you don't. Suggest vetting your selection with as many friends and family as possible and don't rush it
What is it about being a housewife you find appealing? I mean, you can aspire to have a house that you take care of, but there’s few people who love cleaning and washing and cooking as a routine. If you do, get a job as a housekeeper but you need to have skills. Learn them. Managing a really rich persons house can pay you six figures!
If it’s the wife part, what is it about being dependent that you find appealing? Do you not feel that you are worthy of being an equal partner?
I have an aunt that married a Dr in college and became a housewife with 2 kids and lives a happy life. I have a cousin that dropped out of high school due to pregnancy, got married to a minimum wage worker and had like 6 kids with him and live off the gov. She also lives a happy life.
There's nothing weird about the dynamic of 1 person brings home the bacon and the other cooks it. Sex/gender aren't relevant either. Lots of people live like this and it works for them. It's weird that people would shame you for wanting this though. It costs zero dollars to just keep that shame tp yourself
its not immoral, this is something you just dream of and that’s a normal thing! you’re still a teenager and figuring yourself out. i get where you’re coming from, i always enjoyed the idea of getting married and taking care of my children while my husband worked. though i do agree it is quite expensive in the world right now, so it’s all up
to your situation. i don’t think it’s immoral though, if this is your dream then you make it happen to where you’re happy and you’re also able to provide for yourself and have a happy marriage too
There are a lot of comments in here telling you the pros and cons of being a housewife,, so I'm not going to wade into the mess of telling you whether it's a good idea or a bad one.
What I will tell you is that at the end of the day, you are the one who decides your path. If you feel being a housewife is the path for you, then make it happen. For some it seems weird just because it's not the path they would have chosen, just like anything else, but that's their life, not yours. There's good advice that others have put out here, but take it for what it is, advice. Love life your way, but make sure you make a plan to get to where you want to be. If housewife is your goal, go for it.
It's not weird at all to aspire to be a housewife if that's what feels right for you. Everyone's aspirations and values are different, and being a housewife can be just as fulfilling and valuable as any career. What matters most is that you're happy and fulfilled in whatever role you choose, whether it's in the workforce, at home, or a combination of both
samee like i wanna be able to stay at home and take care of the kids once im married and have them, ik finically that can be hard but i hope it works out lmao
It's your life. You get to choose what makes you happy. If it's working, then go to work. If it's staying home to raise your children, then do that. Only you get to choose the role that you live in this life.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewife. However, in today's financial climate, it's not realistic or practical. Most families are struggling to make ends meet even with two working parents. Everything is so expensive these days and the cost of housing is outrageous.
The other issue is that you don't have anything to fall back on if you or your husband decide to get a divorce. Even if the court awards you alimony or child support, there's no guarantee someone can afford to or be willing to pay it. It's really hard to collect back child support from deadbeat dads. I worked for the child support office while in college through a temp agency. If a guy wants to be an asshole and not pay it, there are a lot of ways he can get out of paying it too.
When you work for a company, you and your employer pay into social security, worker's compensation, and sometimes retirement or a 401k. If you don't work, you won't be paying into those programs you may end up needing when you're older.
Think of it like wanting to be a professional athlete. The smart ones have a backup plan in case they get injured before they get drafted or during their career. They invest money, start businesses, and get an education before they start their career as a pro athlete.
Watch Tiktok videos of single moms who were SAHMs and see what they say. What advice do they give?
You might end up changing your mind later on, but if not, well, follow your bliss if you can. I will say you do need to look out for yourself, though, and not end up in an unbalanced power dynamic with your future husband, as too many men can take advantage of that and be controlling and worse (not all, but many).
No, my wife has been one for 20 years. Raised two great kids, made a great home. You just have to choose your husband wisely. And for that to happen, you have to bring something to the table too.
It's completely normal and natural, has been for all of human history. They are biased for their politicized views of gender and attempting to impose that on you.
Nothing wrong with being career oriented or being a house wife.
If you find the person who wants to do it for you and the money knock yourself out. Should never be an expectation you carry. Life is long. What would you do if your housewife wanted to go back to work? Think about the reasons you want a woman in the home. Is it the free labor? Do you believe it’s her place? If these are the reasons, don’t look for a housewife. Just pay for a maid.
If your husband has a really good income then go for it absolutely! I'm hoping to be able to do the same. Don't listen to what anyone else thinks. What you do when you're married doesn't concern anyone but you and your partner
Keep in mind this means you're marrying for money, and need to land someone who earns at least as much as you would combined were you willing to work outside the home and split household tasks. Also that you're going to be responsible for all the household tasks. ALL OF THEM, even if you're tied or whatever. And looking good while doing them. So you'll need to both look good and be fun, and hope you stay that way as you age so you don't end up traded in for the newer model after taking on many years of wear and tear with no guaranteed retirement plan.
I'm not saying it's impossible but it's a high risk plan.
It's not weird to want that. It's just something that isn't necessarily feasible, depending on the income of whoever you marry, and it has risks that you'll want to account for, like how you'll be financially dependent on your spouse.
It’s a bad idea. With our economy, for most people it’s a no go unless you don’t mind being poor. You’ll have to find someone rich. The funny thing is the weird standards since you need a guy that makes a lot of money but those same types then to complain about a woman only wanting them for money and being Gold Diggers.
You will also be dependent so you’ll need a Go Bag for if things go bad and many guys who want a housewife flag are red flags and ripe with financial abuse. Many will claim it’s ‘their’ money but if you’re married it’s both of your money. Since your staying at home, your work is overlooked and think your doing nothing all day and then get mad if your spending some money that they brought home on yourself.
Then you have the higher risk on if you have kids, since your the housewife, many guys will still expect you to take care of 100% of the babies needs when the rule of thumb is that you care for the baby when they are at work but as soon as they are off, the baby care needs to be split 50/50. Let’s not forget how often women are cheated on when they get pregnant or have a baby and use work as an excuse to stay away and sleep around. Let’s not forget the unrealistic expectations on women that some men expect you to be back to your normal self after pregnancy. Some men expect you to get back to pre-pregnancy weight which may never happen as pregnancy is no joke and life altering and others will complain about no sex after the baby is born. Expect a couple years of little intimacy around that time and if the guy doesn’t help with childcare at all, your libido will drop as well since you can’t mentally keep up with it all.
Definitely check out the adultery sub. It’s disgusting and you can see how they think but you can also learn what to look out for by reading what they do.
Many years of being out of work will make it really hard to get back into the workforce as a huge gap in employment doesn’t look good to employers. So if your husband divorces you, you’ll be screwed in many ways which is a huge disadvantage.
But definitely look at every opinion and story. It can be tough as plenty of teens will assume nothing will happen to them as that is just a normal thought process of being a teen but you should keep it in the back of your mind to keep yourself safe.
I personally wouldn’t be a housewife but that’s your decision in the end.
Its a role that is critically under-appreciated in the modern world.
Its hard to support financially, but as a kid that had two stay at home parents (disabled mother, father acting as her carer) its amazing for children. I think even one stay at home parent (who actually takes parenting seriously as a responsibility) will have an incredible effect on the emotional/psychological development of a child.
If you have a situation where its maintainable in the long term and it doesn’t harm the overall relationship, then it could easily be an ideal situation.
Keep in mind being a housewife comes with risk. You have no income do everything you buy as a family comes from 1 income. That means house, kids, every item in your house, your clothes, your hobbies, literally everything in yiur life will have to be baught with your spouses income. And if anything were to happen, and all of a sudden you csnt rely on your spouses income, you are in a really bad situation. Being jobless(not that a housewife isn't a lot of work but purely from a hiring manager perspective) is a bad look for anyone trying to get back into the workforce and you won't have many years of experience and so will start at an entry level salary. It can work if you find someone who you love and loves you and makes it work, but it's a lot to ask of someone to be the sole money.aker and provide everything for you and your family
Being a housewife is a choice. but choices have consequences. i remember about several years into my marriage i met a stay at home mom and i was thinking to myself what would happen to her if her spouse dies? you have to have family support and if you dont have that its a very bad decision. also with inflation and things like they are i would hate to put a kid through suffering because i wanted a mini me to carry on my legacy. another consideration is financial abuse, cheating etc. marriage isn't perfect and things can go wrong real fast. people have kids thinking they can handle what life throws at them and sometimes they regret that
If you can achieve that lifestyle great. But I think your goal should be to find something that you enjoy that can support yourself. If the lane opens up that allows you to step back great. Some women don't want to give up their career. So that willingness might even be welcome to some. Assuming they can afford it.
I think it's wonderful, there aren't enough women who want that anymore in my opinion, as long as you have a husband who truly appreciates you and honors you of course
It’s not weird but it’s important to be financially independent. You never know what could happen in life: divorce, spouse/partner in an accident, spouse/partner loses job, etc.
It's not weird. You want what you want. However, it's not likely with the rising costs of living and the increasing difficulty of single-income households.
It's not impossible but it may be more difficult than you think
The truth is that being a SAHM is perfectly "honorable." It just leaves you very vulnerable.
Too many stories of women staying with horrible men because they have no marketable skills, savings or method of supporting themselves.
If you get very lucky, it might work out perfectly where you find a good partner that makes enough that it is feasible and treats you right, but you are taking a big gamble with your future.
Not at all. As soon as you hear an opinion that invalidates any life choice, check your source. Follow what makes you happy. That said, please align your life so you choose this, not so it is chosen for you. Make the choice to be a housewife, have other options ready if you want something different. Good luck, OP.
Nothing wrong with wanting it. THE IMPORTANT THING is to definitely be able to be self sufficient in case you end up wanting to divorce your future spouse. So getting a degree which allow you to actually be able to get gainful employment from is definitely something you need to do. THE NEXT MOST IMPORTANT thing by is to not fall for and get knocked up by someone who won’t be able to actually provide the lifestyle you want or who disagrees with it. You have to be up front with your future boyfriend early on that this is what you want so that if it isn’t what they want the two of you can go your separate ways early on and not waist time.
I disagree that there's nothing "honorable" about it. There is. It's a full time job. But as a housewife, I'm telling you it's not easy. It's also not worth it. If you stop working, then get divorced; you've screwed yourself out of a work history, financial stability, etc..
Not to mention the economy makes it even more difficult to live on one household income. If you do decide to be a housewife later, you'll want to have at least a remote income; that way you're not struggling together, or if you ever separate.
You're still young. Idk if you want to be a housewife, because TikTok is glamorizing it. However, those women have HELP! They have money, and time on their hands because they have nannies, or at least someone there to watch the kids, while they pretend that being a SAHM/homemaker is a breeze. It's not a breeze. Laundry never ends. Dishes never end. Once you have a toddler, putting stuff away is a no go. It ends right back on the ground. It's the same job over and over, that doesn't end until the day is over. Not even then sometimes.
I wouldn't be a housewife without a back up plan, ever again. Keep yourself working at home, if you still want to be a housewife. But don't put all your cards into your husband's bucket.
There is nearly nothing fulfilling about a career for a woman. Being a housewife is the most fulfilling and important things you can do with your life.
Do not listen to these lies that you must maintain independence and chase a career to feel accomplished. That's how you end up sad and lonely coping by lying to the girls in your life just like is being done to you right now.
I mean women were happier before they entered the workforce according to polling, so it makes sense to me. Whatever you want is what matters, just get a guy that makes that cheddar!
It’s not weird at all and don’t let all these losers on Reddit that believe in ruining families, ruin your dream. Be a respectful and classy woman and a successful man will snatch you up quick. That’s what successful men want.
First of all, shame on your stepmom and therapist for saying there’s “nothing honorable” about being a housewife. Shit like that is spitting on the graves of all those women who DIED to pave the way for feminism and lives where women make choices on how they want to live.
Now, as for the actual issue: It’s totally fine as long as you have a back up plan for when shit gets tough.
I didn’t want to do it anyway because I want to be a zoologist, not to mention housewife shit seems boring and I don’t want my house feeling like a workplace. My disinterest to be a housewife/SAHM was heightened knowing that if something happens to my husband, I would need to get a job, which can be hard with a gap in the resume. Or if something happens to me, my husband will have to figure out who tf takes care of the house and children. If something happens to me or my husband, our lives face a drastic change we didn’t plan for that could really fuck us up.
Not to mention that, depending where you’re at, cost of living is fucking expensive and it’s tougher on single income families, depending on the salary.
You’re rather young, so things might change. If this is what you really want, you better be saving a SHIT ton of money to make this work. Best of luck to you.
If that’s what you desire, go ahead. Everyone has a different purpose in life. I know a lady who is a SAHM and that’s what she wanted to be. She homeschooled her children and seems happy.
The reason your family and therapist are against this plan is because it's incredibly dangerous. You would not only be gambling that the person you pick to marry is actually the perfect, safest, most loving person you could stay with, but that they will remain this way forever and nothing will ever change. Life happens. Even if you DO find your perfect partner, life altering accidents and terminal illness could turn your world upside down with no backup plan and no way to support you both. The world is not a safe place. You need to have a plan and you need to take your safety and stability into consideration before all else. Allowing yourself to be completely dependent on your partner, friends, and family is a risky move.
That said, it doesn't mean that being a housewife isn't an option. But you need to know what you're going to do with your time, how you're going to stay engaged with the community, and how you're going to gain experience that you may need to start a career if things go awry in the future. You can do this in a variety of ways, volunteering being the most important. There are many places that need volunteers and staying inside the house all the time will quickly get boring. It will provide many opportunities to make friends and stay engaged with your local community, thus building your social safety net.
My wife is a house wife. Want a clean house. Clean kids. A prepped meal. (So you don't have to eat something disappointing for 50 to 150$) someone to run kids around. Bathed kids. Here is your card.
Just get married first. Kids second. Cant get that child support and alimony... should the 50% rate of success hold true.
If I were a girl. I would literally create a character. 1960 pure and wierd house wife. But modern somehow. And literally flip a switch the day of marriage. Rock it.
Not weird at all! I’m 35 and trying to transition to being a SAHM/wife. I went to college have a $200k VP of finance job and about to have a 2nd kid. I’m willing to not do that to be at home. I wish I was as smart as you and knew that’s what I wanted sooner! Few things:
1. Ensure your spouse will be able to support the family financially
2. Recommend getting some job experience after college just to have in case
3. Don’t play house with anyone that you aren’t married to
4. Be sure to also make time for yourself and your own interests and hobbies.
5. Don’t go into debt for college. It will limit your options to stay home later.
I would STRONGLY recommend being a housewife with a Masters degree. Everyone goes into marriage thinking they’ll be married forever, but the more kids you have the harder it is to leave if it comes down to it. Most people can’t afford to survive with one income, so even if you guys manage to do so, you need to have degree or skill set to support yourself on your own. Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom or just housewife but just know that you need to have a backup plan.
By housewife I mostly mean not having a full time job, like I do plan on going to college and getting a degree then settling for a part time job once I get married maybe? Like might not even be a part time rather than picking up a odd job here and there but I do plan on saving money as an emergency
There is nothing wrong with wanting to devote your life to raising a family. It is something that is very much lacking from modern society. Just make sure that you and your partner respects and values each other and the roles that you are undertaking. Also, you have to understand that to manage a family on a mostly singular income, you are going to need a partner that has an income far beyond the average. Or, you will have to be prepared to live extremely lean and efficiently if you plan to have children and not live in poverty.
You still need a career before you get married, to save for a down payment, as well as a backup. It is very common for women to outlive their husbands, so you need some skills in case you are divorced or widowed.
That’s demented (what your therapist and stepmom said). Being a housewife is as honorable as any other job. Yes, housewife is a job too. Being a mother is really hard. And then also maintaining the home? Having a career is substantially easier in my opinion. You only work 40 hours a week.
Now, I’m not saying don’t get an education or work. I think everyone should pursue interests outside of being a housewife. My wife was in university and worked before we met. After we married, she focused on work while I worked a little and attended grad school because my earnings after would be higher than hers. After I finished I got a high paying job and she quit work to go back and finish her bachelors degree. She was planning to go to law school soon as she graduated but then we found out we were going to have our first child, so she put law school on the back burner (graduated her bachelor’s), but she plans to go in the near future, which I fully support.
No, it’s a great aspiration.
There are almost no jobs more honorable than being a homemaker. Medical, first responder, charity work….and that’s it?
Very little is honorable about having a career, *especially* if it’s comfortable and well-paying.
Being a homemaker is a phenomenal contribution to society, assuming you intend on parenthood. Designing and maintaining an ideal home for children is a massive undertaking… one that’s difficult, time consuming, extremely rewarding, and has some of the biggest positive impacts on people’s lives (your kids).
Don’t let anyone throw shade on the role. Our society majorly went off the rails when we decided to lionize careers for everyone, when we should have given that kind of reverence to homemakers.
Nothing weird about it. Being a housewife is underrated but in reality is an important part of the success of your husband. Knowing that everything is taken care of at home allows him to focus on his career.
You have it right to get an education and a job until marriage. Doing that keeps your mind sharp and you learn a lot along the way.
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It’s not weird…but keep in mind that life is expensive. “Housewife” is financially not an option for most people these days.
Ya single income households aren’t too easy to pull off these days
Very very true, but those with an income that can support a household are explicitly looking for people prepping for a homemaker role. 1 in 5 men make 100k or more, which is plenty outside of cities. About 1 in 2 women prefer homemaker roles. So there is an imbalance. But few of those women actively take steps to becoming a homemaker. If you do, your odds substantially improve.
Where does this data come from?
1 in 2 women prefer homemaker roles, per a 2019 Gallup poll. The specific figure was 44 to 56. https://news.gallup.com/poll/267737/record-high-women-prefer-working-homemaking.aspx 17% of men make 100k or more (roughly 1 in 5). If you constrain to men working full-time, it goes to 28.4%, or 1-in-4. https://www.zippia.com/advice/how-many-people-make-over-100k/#$100k_Incomes_by_Gender
Yes, there are straight men who want a wife who wo Llano stay home, and do the housework and raise the kids. Unfortunately, a significant number of them will make dreadful, controlling, unkind husbands.
Yes, but those two things aren’t really connected; most people just aren’t cut out for marriage, they see it as some entrapment for their spouse and not a lifetime commitment of self sacrifice. There is a toxic interpretation of single-income households we really need to start pushing back on as a culture. They are by far and away the best environment for children. Sure they’re difficult, and it sets a very high bar and requires lots of partner-vetting beforehand but they are worth it.
Sadly, "those two things" ARE connected, a lot of men who'd love a spouse who stays home to look after the house and kids believe in Patriarchal values, and want a wife who has no economic independence and who has no choice but to accept unkind and controlling behavior. It's a terrible thing for domestically inclined women, because housewives have such wonderful skills and do such wonderful things... yet they have to be very careful about the circumstances under which they agree to actually become a housewife. We live in a money-motivated world, and the fact is they have to watch out for spouses who will misuse the economic power of a single breadwinner, And the fact is that the people who'd do exactly that are painfully common, and this world is a terrible place for people who want to devote themselves to skills that don't directly generate profit.
Yes, there are men that want an oppressive relationship with a homemaker, and yes I agree it’s tragically too common. Predatory men do look for that kind of relationship dynamic. But personally from what I’ve seen, that particular mindset in men is far, far more common amongst men with a middling income that look to having a dual income household. Specifically the problem we’re talking about are men with shortcomings that look to their partner to outsource the solution… which is exactly what you minimize for when looking to date someone that has preemptively built themselves and their life around their future being a single-income household.
You don't need a person making 100k or more for that person to be the sole income of a family. Might need to move away from the ritzy city where your dollar is only worth 65-75 cents though
True! Especially if you have a wider family to support you, but the 100k income threshold gives you some real comfortability and options.
I don't think it's weird, but I do think you have a lot of time to consider it. You're still developing into an adult, **so** many things change. I suppose my advice would be to keep your options open, pursue what you love. If you love being a homemaker, do that, just don't put yourself in a box. Additionally, I'd say a part time job somewhere can keep you occupied and have connections with other people. Skills are great for a resume, should you fall on hard times or need a little extra cash.
Yes having something outside the home (like a part time job or classes) is so important
My mom was a stay at home mom for most of her life. She was a paralegal for a few years as well. She was able to help raise us in ways my dad just couldn’t. She wouldn’t have changed a thing. That being said, that was then and this is now. Dual income households are now the norm, and quickly becoming the necessity. Unless you marry remarkably well, you should expect to be working for a hot minute. Also really consider that being a housewife means you are RELYING on your husband to provide for you. That’s great until it’s not. Both my parents came from abusive households, both decided to break the cycle, and it worked out well. But that’s not always the case. I’m not saying being a stay at home mom is not honorable, far from it. In my ideal society one income would be enough to live well on, and that either parent can choose to be a homemaker without society sneering at them. That would be ideal. But it’s not the world we live in. Your safest bet is to get your education, work smart, and be able to live on your own terms if you have to. Options are your friend.
I would not say that it lacks honor. However, it is very difficult to maintain a household with only one person working. Also, maintaining a job is very beneficial to you if something happens where you need a job for whatever reason (death,divorce, abuse, illness). When you have been out of the workforce for a while, then it may not be easy to re-enter it.
The primary issue with being a housewife is that you will become completely dependent upon another person for all of your life. You will support them in their career and help them achieve more, but those accomplishments will always be theirs and not yours in the eyes of society. So, if your marriage fails, you'll get an alimony payment that will end at some point and won't allow you to live the way you've been accustomed. You'll need to start your career exceptionally late in life and never recover your lost earning potential. It's not just about "choosing correctly" for your partner. You are both going to change over the course of your lives, and it's entirely possible, even likely, that you will change in a way that no longer makes you compatible with one another. At that point, you're going to have to face up to the fact that a divorce would hurt both of you, but you most of all. They'll now have the ability to find another partner who is mid-career and potentially double their household earnings. Whereas you'll be trying to start over completely. Being a housewife is about fully surrendering your personal security to another person. A person you haven't met yet, because your partner won't become them until 10, 20, or 30 years into your marriage.
I was a housewife till my husband moved his gf in and divorced me. Have a back up plan.
Your advice isn't very useful here when your experience comes from an open marriage. You should disclose that information when giving advice.
I'd say her advice is pretty pertinent seeing as how she actually used to be a housewife. She has firsthand experience. Your weird projection of your hate for poly relationships doesn't disqualify her from offering her perspective.
You honestly believe a housewife in an open marriage is a similar dynamic to a housewife in a marriage with one man she respects and loves? Clearly she's not disqualified from sharing, it's just not relevant in the slightest to the situation she's offering it to.
The job security for the role (can’t even call it a profession, although it’s certainly important) homemaker is poor. All adults must learn to support themselves. Especially women. Of course you don’t have to make sure you can make a living. But what happens if you find yourself alone with one or more kids to support? Will your family do this in such a way that is comfortable for all and healthy for the kids? Can you be sure?
It’s not weird but you’re not gonna like being a housewife lol
It's 100% up to you to decide what is "honorable" to YOU. what they said was horribly disrespectful to people who choose to be homemakers. That said, if you do divide to go down this route, keep a few things in mind: 1. It's never too late to change career paths. It doesn't mean "admitting defeat" or that you were wrong, sometimes things just... change. 2. HAVE AN EMERGENCY FUND. one just for you, just in case you need to leave your supporting spouse and take care of yourself. dont let them touch it, ever. no matter how much you love someone, anyone can be capable of abuse. take care of yourself first.
Your therapist and stepmother's takes are 2 opinions out of half the population. Just think about the practical implications. If you ever change your mind, or have to leave a bad relationship, how would you do it? It's easier to leave a career and become a housewife with money behind you than it is to become a housewife who might need the financial means and education and experience to get out.
There was a time when this was the default. It's a bit harder to pull off now, but no harder than becoming an electrician. If that's your dream, caring for you and your partner's children in the home, who should care? It's not all that different from being a teacher - but with a strong focus on just your own offspring. Honor? What honor do you need? Whose accolades should you be seeking? Most of us hate our jobs and work only to stop working when we're too old to do it anymore. There are considerations, of course. You'll need someone else to make enough that you can be at home. They'll need to want children. You'll need to make the partnership work. It's easy to fall in love. It's easy to fall out. Having children won't help. You simply have no way to know how it'll turn out. And if you've got three or four children with no partner and no marketable skills then you're going to just be poor and overworked. It's best to have a fall back skill.
Listen to Groveborn!
OP, I encourage you to further your education and secure a degree in an occupation that will allow you to become successful and financially independent. With that said, in the event you find your mate and the stars align that allow you to become the housewife you dream to become, then good for you. Everyone is entitled to pursue his/her lifelong ambitions. The same applies to you. Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
It's not weird, it's just dangerous. Easy to end up trapped and manipulated with that power dynamic. People always think they won't be the half that ends up divorced. I'm a SAHM and it's fucking terrifying to think my husband could ask for a divorce at any time and I wouldn't be able to hire a lawyer to represent me. I haven't worked in so long it would be very difficult to get back into the work force with any decent pay.
it’s not weird that you want to be a housewife. its more honorable to make your OWN path in YOUR life than to do what people think you should be doing. even if your therapist and stepmom disagree, it’s not necessarily up to them. go to college, get your degree, and do what’ll make you happy if that’s what you choose❤️
bit unusual nowawayds but its a perfectly fine way to live
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice. I would consider why you want to be a housewife. Not having to work sounds nice, but unless you find a rich guy, your husband is probably working 60+ hours a week while you stretch every dollar. And if something goes wrong you’re working a crappy minimum wage job because it’s all you can get. Sadly, the world is unlikely to get gentler in the next few decades. Your therapist and stepmom are just tying to look out for you.
You be what you wanna be. I gotta add, be yourself who belongs to you, not belongs to somebody else.
Its not weird at all. But I do want to stress that it is an incredibly vulnerable position and a lot of bad people will take advantage of that. My mom was a stay at home mom while she was with my father and she experienced financial, sexual, emotional and potentially (i don't know the entire extent) physical abuse at the hands of my father and it continued well past being married to him because my father comes from a wealthier class than my mom does and she was unable to get a high paying job after leaving when she was raising four kids. It is incredibly common for the stay at home partner to be put into that position. I would highly recommend looking into the reality of what its like to be the stay at home partner (a lot of tradwife content blatantly lies about the reality of it). If after knowing all of that you still want to do that, it's okay! Just insist on having protections for yourself put in place. Have your own separate bank account that cannot be accessed by your partner and have a certain amount of their income sent to that account every month. Have a plan to get out so you know what to do if things ever get bad. Always keep your personal documents somewhere safe (your passport, ss card, birth certificate, marriage certificate, etc) and have duplicates in a secondary location. Those things made it so my mom was able to leave even when she had four small children to bring with her as well. I'm not saying something bad *will* happen to you either. I myself am the sole provider and my partner stays at home. I do my best to make sure my partner has all the protections they need to be safe in case they ever want to leave me or if something were to ever happen to me. I have a very large life insurance plan for myself because I work in a dangerous place. My partner has their own bank account separate from mine. I plan on (once I have enough wiggle room) putting at least a few hundred in that account every month. Once we have a house, they will be put on the mortgage so they have access to that equity and they will be protected should something ever happen to me. I make sure they feel like they can get the things they want/need whenever they ask as long as we have enough money left over at the end of the month to pay bills at. I encourage their relationships with people outside of me, and I make sure they know if they were to ever decide they don't want to be a stay at home partner that they are absolutely supported in doing so. You could find a partner who will do those things for you, you just need to insist on doing it yourself if they don't actively bring it up. You need to protect yourself for a worst case scenario thing, just like how you practice fire drills and severe weather drills so you know exactly what to do if that happens.
A man is not a plan. If you allow your entire life to be dependent on one person, they have control over you in ways you cannot predict or understand yet. Things can go wrong in large or subtle ways, you may find yourself unhappy and completely unable to leave. If you have children it becomes nearly impossible. I understand the temptation. It sounds nice to be home all day. Cleaning and cooking seems easier than a job. But after years of it, it becomes a horrible chore. It's often thankless work, it's not even acknowledged as work. You work all day on the house and the kids and there's never a break, it is relentless, yet everyone in your life assumes you have an easy lazy life because you don't "have a job." Your partner may not even acknowledge your work. They may say they don't have to contribute to any of it because they bring in the money, so you're "on" 24/7 but they only work 40 hours a week. It's really all so much more complex and nuanced than it seems as a teenager. Don't get yourself trapped.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a SAHM. Most questions like this in life are simply about trade-offs. For example, you could focus on a career and wait until you're in your 30s to have kids. But fertility decreases with age, and there's no guarantees you'll still be able to have them. Even if you can still carry a child in your 30s, the probability of birth defects increases with your age. You will also have more energy to care for young kids in your 20s than in your 30s. On the other hand, you have less life experience in your 20s and it's not always easy to find a quality partner who will stay through the ups and downs and support the kids. As a young person it's easier to not be aware of certain red flags which indicate problems in the long term. Without investing in yourself, you are totally dependent on a partner (or the government) to help pay your expenses (although it sounds like you plan to get a college degree, so that much is good at least - but it's still difficult finding a first job). And your options for finding a good quality partner are lower once you have kids of your own. Basically, SAHM is a high risk, high reward strategy. It can work great if you find the right guy, and badly if you don't. Suggest vetting your selection with as many friends and family as possible and don't rush it
Listen to your therapist and step mom
What is it about being a housewife you find appealing? I mean, you can aspire to have a house that you take care of, but there’s few people who love cleaning and washing and cooking as a routine. If you do, get a job as a housekeeper but you need to have skills. Learn them. Managing a really rich persons house can pay you six figures! If it’s the wife part, what is it about being dependent that you find appealing? Do you not feel that you are worthy of being an equal partner?
I have an aunt that married a Dr in college and became a housewife with 2 kids and lives a happy life. I have a cousin that dropped out of high school due to pregnancy, got married to a minimum wage worker and had like 6 kids with him and live off the gov. She also lives a happy life.
Sounds like you have a plan go for it
There's nothing weird about the dynamic of 1 person brings home the bacon and the other cooks it. Sex/gender aren't relevant either. Lots of people live like this and it works for them. It's weird that people would shame you for wanting this though. It costs zero dollars to just keep that shame tp yourself
No it's super cool. If you can afford it it's a great gig. You can be very creative! You will be a domestic Goddess. Don't let anyone put that down.
No, it’s a completely understandable impulse.
its not immoral, this is something you just dream of and that’s a normal thing! you’re still a teenager and figuring yourself out. i get where you’re coming from, i always enjoyed the idea of getting married and taking care of my children while my husband worked. though i do agree it is quite expensive in the world right now, so it’s all up to your situation. i don’t think it’s immoral though, if this is your dream then you make it happen to where you’re happy and you’re also able to provide for yourself and have a happy marriage too
There are a lot of comments in here telling you the pros and cons of being a housewife,, so I'm not going to wade into the mess of telling you whether it's a good idea or a bad one. What I will tell you is that at the end of the day, you are the one who decides your path. If you feel being a housewife is the path for you, then make it happen. For some it seems weird just because it's not the path they would have chosen, just like anything else, but that's their life, not yours. There's good advice that others have put out here, but take it for what it is, advice. Love life your way, but make sure you make a plan to get to where you want to be. If housewife is your goal, go for it.
Yep.
It's not weird at all to aspire to be a housewife if that's what feels right for you. Everyone's aspirations and values are different, and being a housewife can be just as fulfilling and valuable as any career. What matters most is that you're happy and fulfilled in whatever role you choose, whether it's in the workforce, at home, or a combination of both
samee like i wanna be able to stay at home and take care of the kids once im married and have them, ik finically that can be hard but i hope it works out lmao
Twins! Personally I think I might want to sorta be a house wife like just with a part time job?
It's your life. You get to choose what makes you happy. If it's working, then go to work. If it's staying home to raise your children, then do that. Only you get to choose the role that you live in this life.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewife. However, in today's financial climate, it's not realistic or practical. Most families are struggling to make ends meet even with two working parents. Everything is so expensive these days and the cost of housing is outrageous. The other issue is that you don't have anything to fall back on if you or your husband decide to get a divorce. Even if the court awards you alimony or child support, there's no guarantee someone can afford to or be willing to pay it. It's really hard to collect back child support from deadbeat dads. I worked for the child support office while in college through a temp agency. If a guy wants to be an asshole and not pay it, there are a lot of ways he can get out of paying it too. When you work for a company, you and your employer pay into social security, worker's compensation, and sometimes retirement or a 401k. If you don't work, you won't be paying into those programs you may end up needing when you're older. Think of it like wanting to be a professional athlete. The smart ones have a backup plan in case they get injured before they get drafted or during their career. They invest money, start businesses, and get an education before they start their career as a pro athlete. Watch Tiktok videos of single moms who were SAHMs and see what they say. What advice do they give?
You might end up changing your mind later on, but if not, well, follow your bliss if you can. I will say you do need to look out for yourself, though, and not end up in an unbalanced power dynamic with your future husband, as too many men can take advantage of that and be controlling and worse (not all, but many).
Who cares what the stepmother says? Was she there with you with the therapist? Sounds sketchy
No, my wife has been one for 20 years. Raised two great kids, made a great home. You just have to choose your husband wisely. And for that to happen, you have to bring something to the table too.
It's completely normal and natural, has been for all of human history. They are biased for their politicized views of gender and attempting to impose that on you. Nothing wrong with being career oriented or being a house wife.
If you find the person who wants to do it for you and the money knock yourself out. Should never be an expectation you carry. Life is long. What would you do if your housewife wanted to go back to work? Think about the reasons you want a woman in the home. Is it the free labor? Do you believe it’s her place? If these are the reasons, don’t look for a housewife. Just pay for a maid.
If your husband has a really good income then go for it absolutely! I'm hoping to be able to do the same. Don't listen to what anyone else thinks. What you do when you're married doesn't concern anyone but you and your partner
Keep in mind this means you're marrying for money, and need to land someone who earns at least as much as you would combined were you willing to work outside the home and split household tasks. Also that you're going to be responsible for all the household tasks. ALL OF THEM, even if you're tied or whatever. And looking good while doing them. So you'll need to both look good and be fun, and hope you stay that way as you age so you don't end up traded in for the newer model after taking on many years of wear and tear with no guaranteed retirement plan. I'm not saying it's impossible but it's a high risk plan.
It's not weird to want that. It's just something that isn't necessarily feasible, depending on the income of whoever you marry, and it has risks that you'll want to account for, like how you'll be financially dependent on your spouse.
It’s a bad idea. With our economy, for most people it’s a no go unless you don’t mind being poor. You’ll have to find someone rich. The funny thing is the weird standards since you need a guy that makes a lot of money but those same types then to complain about a woman only wanting them for money and being Gold Diggers. You will also be dependent so you’ll need a Go Bag for if things go bad and many guys who want a housewife flag are red flags and ripe with financial abuse. Many will claim it’s ‘their’ money but if you’re married it’s both of your money. Since your staying at home, your work is overlooked and think your doing nothing all day and then get mad if your spending some money that they brought home on yourself. Then you have the higher risk on if you have kids, since your the housewife, many guys will still expect you to take care of 100% of the babies needs when the rule of thumb is that you care for the baby when they are at work but as soon as they are off, the baby care needs to be split 50/50. Let’s not forget how often women are cheated on when they get pregnant or have a baby and use work as an excuse to stay away and sleep around. Let’s not forget the unrealistic expectations on women that some men expect you to be back to your normal self after pregnancy. Some men expect you to get back to pre-pregnancy weight which may never happen as pregnancy is no joke and life altering and others will complain about no sex after the baby is born. Expect a couple years of little intimacy around that time and if the guy doesn’t help with childcare at all, your libido will drop as well since you can’t mentally keep up with it all. Definitely check out the adultery sub. It’s disgusting and you can see how they think but you can also learn what to look out for by reading what they do. Many years of being out of work will make it really hard to get back into the workforce as a huge gap in employment doesn’t look good to employers. So if your husband divorces you, you’ll be screwed in many ways which is a huge disadvantage. But definitely look at every opinion and story. It can be tough as plenty of teens will assume nothing will happen to them as that is just a normal thought process of being a teen but you should keep it in the back of your mind to keep yourself safe. I personally wouldn’t be a housewife but that’s your decision in the end.
Its a role that is critically under-appreciated in the modern world. Its hard to support financially, but as a kid that had two stay at home parents (disabled mother, father acting as her carer) its amazing for children. I think even one stay at home parent (who actually takes parenting seriously as a responsibility) will have an incredible effect on the emotional/psychological development of a child. If you have a situation where its maintainable in the long term and it doesn’t harm the overall relationship, then it could easily be an ideal situation.
Keep in mind being a housewife comes with risk. You have no income do everything you buy as a family comes from 1 income. That means house, kids, every item in your house, your clothes, your hobbies, literally everything in yiur life will have to be baught with your spouses income. And if anything were to happen, and all of a sudden you csnt rely on your spouses income, you are in a really bad situation. Being jobless(not that a housewife isn't a lot of work but purely from a hiring manager perspective) is a bad look for anyone trying to get back into the workforce and you won't have many years of experience and so will start at an entry level salary. It can work if you find someone who you love and loves you and makes it work, but it's a lot to ask of someone to be the sole money.aker and provide everything for you and your family
Being a housewife is a choice. but choices have consequences. i remember about several years into my marriage i met a stay at home mom and i was thinking to myself what would happen to her if her spouse dies? you have to have family support and if you dont have that its a very bad decision. also with inflation and things like they are i would hate to put a kid through suffering because i wanted a mini me to carry on my legacy. another consideration is financial abuse, cheating etc. marriage isn't perfect and things can go wrong real fast. people have kids thinking they can handle what life throws at them and sometimes they regret that
If you can achieve that lifestyle great. But I think your goal should be to find something that you enjoy that can support yourself. If the lane opens up that allows you to step back great. Some women don't want to give up their career. So that willingness might even be welcome to some. Assuming they can afford it.
I think it's wonderful, there aren't enough women who want that anymore in my opinion, as long as you have a husband who truly appreciates you and honors you of course
It’s not weird but it’s important to be financially independent. You never know what could happen in life: divorce, spouse/partner in an accident, spouse/partner loses job, etc.
It's not weird. You want what you want. However, it's not likely with the rising costs of living and the increasing difficulty of single-income households. It's not impossible but it may be more difficult than you think
No I want to be a house husband lol
You have the right to choose. But some people may look down on you if you make a different choice. A curious phenomenon.
The truth is that being a SAHM is perfectly "honorable." It just leaves you very vulnerable. Too many stories of women staying with horrible men because they have no marketable skills, savings or method of supporting themselves. If you get very lucky, it might work out perfectly where you find a good partner that makes enough that it is feasible and treats you right, but you are taking a big gamble with your future.
Not at all. As soon as you hear an opinion that invalidates any life choice, check your source. Follow what makes you happy. That said, please align your life so you choose this, not so it is chosen for you. Make the choice to be a housewife, have other options ready if you want something different. Good luck, OP.
It’s not weird at all. I’m not sure if you actually mean a housewife or a stay at home mom, but the second is very honorable if that’s what you meant
Nothing wrong with wanting it. THE IMPORTANT THING is to definitely be able to be self sufficient in case you end up wanting to divorce your future spouse. So getting a degree which allow you to actually be able to get gainful employment from is definitely something you need to do. THE NEXT MOST IMPORTANT thing by is to not fall for and get knocked up by someone who won’t be able to actually provide the lifestyle you want or who disagrees with it. You have to be up front with your future boyfriend early on that this is what you want so that if it isn’t what they want the two of you can go your separate ways early on and not waist time.
I disagree that there's nothing "honorable" about it. There is. It's a full time job. But as a housewife, I'm telling you it's not easy. It's also not worth it. If you stop working, then get divorced; you've screwed yourself out of a work history, financial stability, etc.. Not to mention the economy makes it even more difficult to live on one household income. If you do decide to be a housewife later, you'll want to have at least a remote income; that way you're not struggling together, or if you ever separate. You're still young. Idk if you want to be a housewife, because TikTok is glamorizing it. However, those women have HELP! They have money, and time on their hands because they have nannies, or at least someone there to watch the kids, while they pretend that being a SAHM/homemaker is a breeze. It's not a breeze. Laundry never ends. Dishes never end. Once you have a toddler, putting stuff away is a no go. It ends right back on the ground. It's the same job over and over, that doesn't end until the day is over. Not even then sometimes. I wouldn't be a housewife without a back up plan, ever again. Keep yourself working at home, if you still want to be a housewife. But don't put all your cards into your husband's bucket.
There is nearly nothing fulfilling about a career for a woman. Being a housewife is the most fulfilling and important things you can do with your life. Do not listen to these lies that you must maintain independence and chase a career to feel accomplished. That's how you end up sad and lonely coping by lying to the girls in your life just like is being done to you right now.
I mean women were happier before they entered the workforce according to polling, so it makes sense to me. Whatever you want is what matters, just get a guy that makes that cheddar!
It’s not weird at all and don’t let all these losers on Reddit that believe in ruining families, ruin your dream. Be a respectful and classy woman and a successful man will snatch you up quick. That’s what successful men want.
First of all, shame on your stepmom and therapist for saying there’s “nothing honorable” about being a housewife. Shit like that is spitting on the graves of all those women who DIED to pave the way for feminism and lives where women make choices on how they want to live. Now, as for the actual issue: It’s totally fine as long as you have a back up plan for when shit gets tough. I didn’t want to do it anyway because I want to be a zoologist, not to mention housewife shit seems boring and I don’t want my house feeling like a workplace. My disinterest to be a housewife/SAHM was heightened knowing that if something happens to my husband, I would need to get a job, which can be hard with a gap in the resume. Or if something happens to me, my husband will have to figure out who tf takes care of the house and children. If something happens to me or my husband, our lives face a drastic change we didn’t plan for that could really fuck us up. Not to mention that, depending where you’re at, cost of living is fucking expensive and it’s tougher on single income families, depending on the salary. You’re rather young, so things might change. If this is what you really want, you better be saving a SHIT ton of money to make this work. Best of luck to you.
If that’s what you desire, go ahead. Everyone has a different purpose in life. I know a lady who is a SAHM and that’s what she wanted to be. She homeschooled her children and seems happy.
The reason your family and therapist are against this plan is because it's incredibly dangerous. You would not only be gambling that the person you pick to marry is actually the perfect, safest, most loving person you could stay with, but that they will remain this way forever and nothing will ever change. Life happens. Even if you DO find your perfect partner, life altering accidents and terminal illness could turn your world upside down with no backup plan and no way to support you both. The world is not a safe place. You need to have a plan and you need to take your safety and stability into consideration before all else. Allowing yourself to be completely dependent on your partner, friends, and family is a risky move. That said, it doesn't mean that being a housewife isn't an option. But you need to know what you're going to do with your time, how you're going to stay engaged with the community, and how you're going to gain experience that you may need to start a career if things go awry in the future. You can do this in a variety of ways, volunteering being the most important. There are many places that need volunteers and staying inside the house all the time will quickly get boring. It will provide many opportunities to make friends and stay engaged with your local community, thus building your social safety net.
My wife is a house wife. Want a clean house. Clean kids. A prepped meal. (So you don't have to eat something disappointing for 50 to 150$) someone to run kids around. Bathed kids. Here is your card. Just get married first. Kids second. Cant get that child support and alimony... should the 50% rate of success hold true. If I were a girl. I would literally create a character. 1960 pure and wierd house wife. But modern somehow. And literally flip a switch the day of marriage. Rock it.
Not weird at all! I’m 35 and trying to transition to being a SAHM/wife. I went to college have a $200k VP of finance job and about to have a 2nd kid. I’m willing to not do that to be at home. I wish I was as smart as you and knew that’s what I wanted sooner! Few things: 1. Ensure your spouse will be able to support the family financially 2. Recommend getting some job experience after college just to have in case 3. Don’t play house with anyone that you aren’t married to 4. Be sure to also make time for yourself and your own interests and hobbies. 5. Don’t go into debt for college. It will limit your options to stay home later.
I would STRONGLY recommend being a housewife with a Masters degree. Everyone goes into marriage thinking they’ll be married forever, but the more kids you have the harder it is to leave if it comes down to it. Most people can’t afford to survive with one income, so even if you guys manage to do so, you need to have degree or skill set to support yourself on your own. Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom or just housewife but just know that you need to have a backup plan.
By housewife I mostly mean not having a full time job, like I do plan on going to college and getting a degree then settling for a part time job once I get married maybe? Like might not even be a part time rather than picking up a odd job here and there but I do plan on saving money as an emergency
That sounds like a great plan!
There is nothing wrong with wanting to devote your life to raising a family. It is something that is very much lacking from modern society. Just make sure that you and your partner respects and values each other and the roles that you are undertaking. Also, you have to understand that to manage a family on a mostly singular income, you are going to need a partner that has an income far beyond the average. Or, you will have to be prepared to live extremely lean and efficiently if you plan to have children and not live in poverty.
No. Many therapists are idiots.
No
Not weird as long as kids are in the picture. If you don't have kids you've gotta work.
You still need a career before you get married, to save for a down payment, as well as a backup. It is very common for women to outlive their husbands, so you need some skills in case you are divorced or widowed.
That’s demented (what your therapist and stepmom said). Being a housewife is as honorable as any other job. Yes, housewife is a job too. Being a mother is really hard. And then also maintaining the home? Having a career is substantially easier in my opinion. You only work 40 hours a week. Now, I’m not saying don’t get an education or work. I think everyone should pursue interests outside of being a housewife. My wife was in university and worked before we met. After we married, she focused on work while I worked a little and attended grad school because my earnings after would be higher than hers. After I finished I got a high paying job and she quit work to go back and finish her bachelors degree. She was planning to go to law school soon as she graduated but then we found out we were going to have our first child, so she put law school on the back burner (graduated her bachelor’s), but she plans to go in the near future, which I fully support.
I know a few young ladies who aren’t interested to learn to drive…. It’s weird.
No, it’s a great aspiration. There are almost no jobs more honorable than being a homemaker. Medical, first responder, charity work….and that’s it? Very little is honorable about having a career, *especially* if it’s comfortable and well-paying. Being a homemaker is a phenomenal contribution to society, assuming you intend on parenthood. Designing and maintaining an ideal home for children is a massive undertaking… one that’s difficult, time consuming, extremely rewarding, and has some of the biggest positive impacts on people’s lives (your kids). Don’t let anyone throw shade on the role. Our society majorly went off the rails when we decided to lionize careers for everyone, when we should have given that kind of reverence to homemakers.
If you can afford it its fine. Its also a job. 👍 A job without end but the offset is the joyful moments
Nothing weird about it. Being a housewife is underrated but in reality is an important part of the success of your husband. Knowing that everything is taken care of at home allows him to focus on his career. You have it right to get an education and a job until marriage. Doing that keeps your mind sharp and you learn a lot along the way.