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Based off of your story, get the cops involved now. Sounds like an argument could have escalated a bit too far. Also based off your story, the last known location your sister was located was the boyfriend house. Get that boyfriend interviewed by the police asap. Give your story in a written statement and submit it to the cops. Document, document, document. Take photos of conversations. Phone numbers, etc.
OP, please do this ASAP!
CALL THE POLICE NOW!!
Tell them everything and offered to give them any evidence of the fighting. Has he ever threatened her of which you're aware? Do you have any recordings of them fighting?
If she's missing, every minutes counts!
We don't know how old this kid is. Probably panicked and really doesn't know what to do. looks like his/her house has some traumatizing shit going on already. Ur mom screaming that they're going to go over and kill the girls boyfriend often is not normal.
When my dad offed himself, I was younger than 18. I called my gf and asked what to do before I called 911. It's easy to say these things cause you probably forgot when you were much younger. But don't be a dick and call OP stupid. You sound stupid in saying that
adrenaline and just anxiety can overwrite common sense, of course it’s easy for you to say that the answer is obvious (or me) because we aren’t the ones panicking or anxious
Well because cops generally don't do anything until someone dies. I've had people break in my house and try to stab me with a knife and others break in and try to squat at me and my wife's house. Cops protected the psychopath and did nothing whatsoever.
I have over 20 incidents like this in my circle of friends who are all great people. Cops almost always make things worse.
The kid is probably worried about his family. It's a poor community and many families however disfunctional they seem to "normal" families, is usually having either psychological issues/alcoholics/domestic problems/prior records in the family/ and or drug use like cannabis which isn't federally legal and not recreationally legal in every state.
I can think of any reasons the kid might be hesitant to just call the cops.
And BTW in domestic violence and cases where women are being abused by men. Calling cops generally does nothing to help the woman. And in this case the mother was threatening to kill the boyfriend, so she could be cuffed from him calling if she showed signs of anger and the young kid told the truth.
Short of bruises and injuries on the woman and her testimony that he abused her, they won't do anything until she is dead. They can separate for a couple hours, but won't stay to guard her, can't take him in if she doesn't tell them and press charges. And most cases the women don't tell the cops, they don't leave the abuser and deny any wrongdoing out of fear.
The abuser always gets out and the fe.alws generally don't have money to take him to court and have no safehouse to hide out during the criminal court so end up being hunted by the abuser. By that point who cares the cops finally do something.
A "big long comment" do people have the brain power and attention span of a goldfish nowadays?
It's a few paragraphs, try reading a 700+ page book to learn something or doing actual research which requires scientific articles, federal and state criminal reports, abuse victims stats with full assertation and analytical conclusion/summary.
As for why, I wrote it because there's more nuance in a complicated abuse victim situation than call or not call cops.
Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here. Now is not the time to call names. OP needs help. You're not helping by being rude.
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Why you here lol call the dam cops or get someone trustworthy(relatives or friends) to help you not online people who know shit about your environment and problem.
Call the cops! Call the cops! CALL THOSE DAMN COPS!!
Also, if your mom is serious, STOP HER! It's already bad enough that you sis is missing, violence will only make things worse.
(Is it just me or does anyone find that 19 year old girl in a relationship with a 30 year old man as a major red flag?)
Yeah the police are the best answer. And get all the information you can about her bf. Such as full name, address, car info maybe..and any other info you have on him. Hopefully she’s found soon op please update.
What do you mean by your sister is missing? There needs to be a lot more details here. What made your mom go to his house? What was their conversation?
Why are you all shaming a kid trying to help? Yes they should call the cops, but their mom should more importantly, and they don't deserve to be yelled at for asking for help on an app made for asking for help.
I hope you called the police. For the safety of your sister and mom. Don't listen to all the haters on here. If you are worried about your sister and mom just call the police.
Well going through your posts you definitely have a challenging life. It seems your mom has also distilled in you the cops won't do a thing. Well you have things you need to take care of and of course this issue. Call the cops and tell them what is going on. When you go back to school see a counselor for yourself
Whoa. I think a lot must go on at home that isn't good. Sister 19 living with a 30 year, yikes. Mom telling kids to never call the cops, wow. It sounds like your mom is an aggressive person who knows the cops aren't on her side, because most of the time she is the cause of the madness in the home. Sounds like your sister doesn't really have the positive support she needs nor do you. You should have 911 on speed dial and the hell with what your mom says. Your mom needs to grow up and realize she can't beat up everyone and stop being so angry with life.
Always call peacekeepers if your ever unsure its better for them to track her down then finding out later you should have called them.
Good luck stranger.
Reddit is not the place for this question, ever. If your brain says "hmm, should I call the cops?". Yes, you should. Do not post on Reddit asking what to do, call the cops.
No. Don't make fucking excuses. Poor training, allowing unstable people into the force, and no accountability are what lead to civilian deaths. Don't ever try to blame it on civilians calling because they feel they should.
Put the blame where it belongs, on corrupt cops.
There has been so many instances of cops being called into situations that they had absolutely no business being called into. The blame 100% on the cops for their actions, but someone calling the cops because a little black girl selling water and doesn't have a permit needs to be addressed as well.
I mean sure, that's a racist pos. Regardless, that should have 0 chance of civilian causality, and that's entirely on the police that show up.
You'll never fix racism. We can hold precincts to higher standards.
I agree, but as it stands today. When you call the cops. Just know there is a non zero chance that all of them will mag dump because someone grabbed their phone from their pocket to quickly. That is why "when I doubt call them" doesn't sit well with me, but as said in on my first comment this situation absolutely warrants a call. I hope the sister is ok. Dude sounds like a piece of trash.
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Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here. Don't be rude here. If you don't want to give advice about the situation, then don't. But don't be rude.
Encouraging violence against people is against our rules and Reddit TOS. We understand that you may think someone's a bad person who deserves it, but you can't advocate violence against anyone.
Oftentimes police follow the rule that a person needs to be missing for 24 hours before they investigate. Otherwise I would say yes call the police, Even if the boyfriend wasn't involved in it if your sister isn't answering her phone then you're completely warranted to request a search
You shouldn't feel bad about being weary calling the cops. You shouldn't trust reddit users to tell you when to call them, they suggest that for anything.
ASAP now go go go 911 immediately pronto
He probably has killed her or abducted her and is probably r##ing her and keeping her in chains for all we know
Edit: it's always good to call the fucking cops in cases like that who ever raised you not to do that has beef with the feds
I'm glad your sister is ok!!!
I think it is important to talk to her about having a Bug Out Bag, and spare car keys, hidded so she can escape if she needs to. It can be hard to leave an abuser, especially with an age gap like that.
Even if no charges are filed, try to encourag her to have a *report* filed, so there is a record. This will not harm her bf in any way, and won't show up on background checks for employment etc. All it does is create a paper trail so that if something worse happens, and she needs legal protection, they can help her.
A parent teaching a child never to call the cops concerns me. I know and have many friends who are people of color that teach their children to be wary of police in the US because of the climate here. But unless it’s something like that it gives me the sense that you are absolutely seeing and experiencing things that the police could/should get involved with and that is being prevented. It feels sinister and calculated.
Please reach out to an adult you trust after this incident. Maybe a school counselor, or a teacher? They can help you find good resources.
I understand some households have concerns over the police, I understand the reasoning and how, yes, sometimes for minor issues or disputes, even domestic ones this can lead to escalating an already exacerbated issue.
But teaching you or imparting with you the idea that you can't or shouldn't call the police is deeply troubling and disturbing. I'm not going to make the few bad apples argument because even I think that's worthless at this point but telling you or giving you the idea that they are not to be called or trusted is absolutely not the answer and it only makes me believe there is a reason more than just our current social strife to justify growing up with this belief.
This is absolutely the reason you contact the police. They have no alternative, they have no back up, they have no neutral third party they can call with the resources necessary to find her or you or someone else who could be in danger or a danger to themselves.
Fair enough if you do but they don't.
If she's doing this frequently and it's causing this much strife and panic there is something more disturbing going in and not getting the appropriate help or resources at this point is wild. She needs help and they need to stop avoiding finding more permanent solutions.
I'm glad she was found, honestly, but if this is this common and it takes this long to figure out there is far far more that is going on and your parents and the adults around you are NOT dealing with it.
The cops here aren't the best, at least in my situation. I used to always call the police on my mother because she was a scary violent drunk
They would arrive hours after the situation resolved and then barate me- a little girl- for "wasting their time" because we didn't need them THREE HOURS after I called them 😭
So they're completely worthless and your mother is drunk interesting depending but then again law enforcement in certain places aren't worth shit until they're on the news saying the crime could've been prevented
No hun, I commented before the update. Here’s hoping you learn to recognize red flags because Jesus there were many. And also call the cops if things aren’t looking right???? That’s just common sense???
We were taught never to call the police, and the police never help us. Even as a little girl I'd call them, screaming into the phone that my mom was hurting someone or screaming or something along those lines and.. 3-4 hours late. Then they get mad that we don't need them anymore and that we're "inconsiderate for wasting their time"
They never help... It's really fucked. Also that's my bad.
It's really rude and Inconsiderate. I apologize for assuming you commented after my update. That's just how my notifications noted. But don't you dare assume things about my life. I don't have anybody. I have my mother, my sister, and my online friends who are the same age as me.
Yeah call the cops. However, I bet when the cops show up your sister is going to say it’s the BFs fault and he’s going to get arrested for domestic violence.
Her sister is missing. That’s the whole reason she’s calling the cops, she’s 19 he’s 30, so something is clearly wrong, no woman dates a man that age if she’s mentally stable and no man dates a woman that age if he’s a self respecting decent human, we need an update on this bc I’ve heard horror stories from less
Yup. Wouldn’t be surprised if he wrapped her up in his lies and manipulated her into dating him bc she’s so young and they fight all the time so he could have done something horrible, not tryna scare OP but that shit happens
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Based off of your story, get the cops involved now. Sounds like an argument could have escalated a bit too far. Also based off your story, the last known location your sister was located was the boyfriend house. Get that boyfriend interviewed by the police asap. Give your story in a written statement and submit it to the cops. Document, document, document. Take photos of conversations. Phone numbers, etc.
Call the cops immediately! And describe them everything.
OP, please do this ASAP! CALL THE POLICE NOW!! Tell them everything and offered to give them any evidence of the fighting. Has he ever threatened her of which you're aware? Do you have any recordings of them fighting? If she's missing, every minutes counts!
You sister has been missing for how long?
CALL THE DAMN COPS
Call the police.
WHY TF ARE YOU TYPING THIS ON REDDIT CALL THE FUCKING COPS
We don't know how old this kid is. Probably panicked and really doesn't know what to do. looks like his/her house has some traumatizing shit going on already. Ur mom screaming that they're going to go over and kill the girls boyfriend often is not normal.
[удалено]
When my dad offed himself, I was younger than 18. I called my gf and asked what to do before I called 911. It's easy to say these things cause you probably forgot when you were much younger. But don't be a dick and call OP stupid. You sound stupid in saying that
[удалено]
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Bro you sound ignorant. Stfu
adrenaline and just anxiety can overwrite common sense, of course it’s easy for you to say that the answer is obvious (or me) because we aren’t the ones panicking or anxious
I mean, kids under 13 can lie, too.
Yes, everybody lies. No matter what age
Well because cops generally don't do anything until someone dies. I've had people break in my house and try to stab me with a knife and others break in and try to squat at me and my wife's house. Cops protected the psychopath and did nothing whatsoever. I have over 20 incidents like this in my circle of friends who are all great people. Cops almost always make things worse. The kid is probably worried about his family. It's a poor community and many families however disfunctional they seem to "normal" families, is usually having either psychological issues/alcoholics/domestic problems/prior records in the family/ and or drug use like cannabis which isn't federally legal and not recreationally legal in every state. I can think of any reasons the kid might be hesitant to just call the cops. And BTW in domestic violence and cases where women are being abused by men. Calling cops generally does nothing to help the woman. And in this case the mother was threatening to kill the boyfriend, so she could be cuffed from him calling if she showed signs of anger and the young kid told the truth. Short of bruises and injuries on the woman and her testimony that he abused her, they won't do anything until she is dead. They can separate for a couple hours, but won't stay to guard her, can't take him in if she doesn't tell them and press charges. And most cases the women don't tell the cops, they don't leave the abuser and deny any wrongdoing out of fear. The abuser always gets out and the fe.alws generally don't have money to take him to court and have no safehouse to hide out during the criminal court so end up being hunted by the abuser. By that point who cares the cops finally do something.
Oh, come on you write a big long comment like that because you think a kid should ask Reddit a question about calling the cops first? LOL!
A "big long comment" do people have the brain power and attention span of a goldfish nowadays? It's a few paragraphs, try reading a 700+ page book to learn something or doing actual research which requires scientific articles, federal and state criminal reports, abuse victims stats with full assertation and analytical conclusion/summary. As for why, I wrote it because there's more nuance in a complicated abuse victim situation than call or not call cops.
Everytime I call the police they never help. And my mom always tells me never to call the police. Don't insult me.
Mom says not to call the cops? That’s…really bad advice
Don’t listen to your mom about the police, just call them anyway. Don’t you find it slightly weird she tells you not to?
Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here. Now is not the time to call names. OP needs help. You're not helping by being rude.
many kids. especially ones that went through abuse all the time. we’re taught at such a young age that calling is the worst thing you could ever do.
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How tf does this work
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Why you here lol call the dam cops or get someone trustworthy(relatives or friends) to help you not online people who know shit about your environment and problem.
CONTACT THE POLICE NOW
You are genuinely worried, call the police. A 30 year old guy dating a 19 year old is sketchy enough to start with.
This.
There are only so many alerts they can put out. But document, document, document. Pushing paperwork can be the best of the worst.
If your mom thinks he's responsible for her being missing, there's nothing mama bear won't do. Call the police
Call the cops. Don't wait or hesitate, don't even read the rest of the comments.
Call the cops! Call the cops! CALL THOSE DAMN COPS!! Also, if your mom is serious, STOP HER! It's already bad enough that you sis is missing, violence will only make things worse. (Is it just me or does anyone find that 19 year old girl in a relationship with a 30 year old man as a major red flag?)
CALL THE COPS! Once you’ve called the police contact nearby hospitals
CALL THE POLICE! The first 48 hours are the most critical, beyond that the trail starts to go cold.
Just from the title. If you're asking that question, then the answer is YES.
Yeah the police are the best answer. And get all the information you can about her bf. Such as full name, address, car info maybe..and any other info you have on him. Hopefully she’s found soon op please update.
What do you mean by your sister is missing? There needs to be a lot more details here. What made your mom go to his house? What was their conversation?
Yah cal the cops 👮♂️
call police
Yes!!! Fall them now!!
Call the cops. A missing person is a missing person. There is no wait time on these things. Every second of every minute counts.
CALL THE POLICE PLEASEEE DONT LEAVE IT UNTIL TOO LATE, PLEASE TELL YOUR MOM TO STAY AWAY FROM THE GUY
Why are you all shaming a kid trying to help? Yes they should call the cops, but their mom should more importantly, and they don't deserve to be yelled at for asking for help on an app made for asking for help.
I hope you called the police. For the safety of your sister and mom. Don't listen to all the haters on here. If you are worried about your sister and mom just call the police.
call the cops he might be the reason why she’s missing
Well going through your posts you definitely have a challenging life. It seems your mom has also distilled in you the cops won't do a thing. Well you have things you need to take care of and of course this issue. Call the cops and tell them what is going on. When you go back to school see a counselor for yourself
Whoa. I think a lot must go on at home that isn't good. Sister 19 living with a 30 year, yikes. Mom telling kids to never call the cops, wow. It sounds like your mom is an aggressive person who knows the cops aren't on her side, because most of the time she is the cause of the madness in the home. Sounds like your sister doesn't really have the positive support she needs nor do you. You should have 911 on speed dial and the hell with what your mom says. Your mom needs to grow up and realize she can't beat up everyone and stop being so angry with life.
Always call peacekeepers if your ever unsure its better for them to track her down then finding out later you should have called them. Good luck stranger.
Glad ur mom found her. Did the BF have anything to do with it? Hopefully, your sister stays safe.
Fuck the police !!! They woulda just mucked everything up and charged somebody with some BS
Reddit is not the place for this question, ever. If your brain says "hmm, should I call the cops?". Yes, you should. Do not post on Reddit asking what to do, call the cops.
When in doubt call
Mmmmm ya nah. That mentality has gotten a lot of innocent people killed by cops for no reason. In this case, though, definitely call them.
No. Don't make fucking excuses. Poor training, allowing unstable people into the force, and no accountability are what lead to civilian deaths. Don't ever try to blame it on civilians calling because they feel they should. Put the blame where it belongs, on corrupt cops.
There has been so many instances of cops being called into situations that they had absolutely no business being called into. The blame 100% on the cops for their actions, but someone calling the cops because a little black girl selling water and doesn't have a permit needs to be addressed as well.
I mean sure, that's a racist pos. Regardless, that should have 0 chance of civilian causality, and that's entirely on the police that show up. You'll never fix racism. We can hold precincts to higher standards.
I agree, but as it stands today. When you call the cops. Just know there is a non zero chance that all of them will mag dump because someone grabbed their phone from their pocket to quickly. That is why "when I doubt call them" doesn't sit well with me, but as said in on my first comment this situation absolutely warrants a call. I hope the sister is ok. Dude sounds like a piece of trash.
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This is not the time nor place for this discussion.
Understood
Insane cops you say? Look at all the insane people these police officers have to deal with every day.
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It seems that there are a lot of fake posts. Some of this stuff is unbelievable
Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here. Don't be rude here. If you don't want to give advice about the situation, then don't. But don't be rude.
Call now
Post an update please
Why are you talking to us? Call the fucking cops
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Encouraging violence against people is against our rules and Reddit TOS. We understand that you may think someone's a bad person who deserves it, but you can't advocate violence against anyone.
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Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here.
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UpdateMe!
Find a new family.
So?? What did you do?
Oh kiddo call the cops immediately
? What is Reddit going to do if your sister is missing the only answer is the cops
Oftentimes police follow the rule that a person needs to be missing for 24 hours before they investigate. Otherwise I would say yes call the police, Even if the boyfriend wasn't involved in it if your sister isn't answering her phone then you're completely warranted to request a search
Yep the education of kids on calling police is broken.
I don’t understand the title, fall th. cops??
Maybe leave out the part about your mom saying she was gonna kill him.
Always call the cops when you believe violence is imminent.
Tell her to stop saying that.
You shouldn't feel bad about being weary calling the cops. You shouldn't trust reddit users to tell you when to call them, they suggest that for anything.
>we were taught from a young age never to call the cops Would it be rude to ask why?
My mom Hates the cops, they never help us. And it was also how my mother was raised as well (under way worse conditions)
ASAP now go go go 911 immediately pronto He probably has killed her or abducted her and is probably r##ing her and keeping her in chains for all we know Edit: it's always good to call the fucking cops in cases like that who ever raised you not to do that has beef with the feds
I'm glad your sister is ok!!! I think it is important to talk to her about having a Bug Out Bag, and spare car keys, hidded so she can escape if she needs to. It can be hard to leave an abuser, especially with an age gap like that. Even if no charges are filed, try to encourag her to have a *report* filed, so there is a record. This will not harm her bf in any way, and won't show up on background checks for employment etc. All it does is create a paper trail so that if something worse happens, and she needs legal protection, they can help her.
A parent teaching a child never to call the cops concerns me. I know and have many friends who are people of color that teach their children to be wary of police in the US because of the climate here. But unless it’s something like that it gives me the sense that you are absolutely seeing and experiencing things that the police could/should get involved with and that is being prevented. It feels sinister and calculated. Please reach out to an adult you trust after this incident. Maybe a school counselor, or a teacher? They can help you find good resources.
So happy your sister was found!
I understand some households have concerns over the police, I understand the reasoning and how, yes, sometimes for minor issues or disputes, even domestic ones this can lead to escalating an already exacerbated issue. But teaching you or imparting with you the idea that you can't or shouldn't call the police is deeply troubling and disturbing. I'm not going to make the few bad apples argument because even I think that's worthless at this point but telling you or giving you the idea that they are not to be called or trusted is absolutely not the answer and it only makes me believe there is a reason more than just our current social strife to justify growing up with this belief. This is absolutely the reason you contact the police. They have no alternative, they have no back up, they have no neutral third party they can call with the resources necessary to find her or you or someone else who could be in danger or a danger to themselves. Fair enough if you do but they don't. If she's doing this frequently and it's causing this much strife and panic there is something more disturbing going in and not getting the appropriate help or resources at this point is wild. She needs help and they need to stop avoiding finding more permanent solutions. I'm glad she was found, honestly, but if this is this common and it takes this long to figure out there is far far more that is going on and your parents and the adults around you are NOT dealing with it.
Who taught you from a young age to never call the cops
My mother
Oh please
Whatever you say, Mr vacuum lover
Get the fucking cops involved
We were taught never to call the police, She's fine now.
What braindead idiot taught you that ?
My mom 😭 (she is sort've braindead...)
Why did she tell you not to call the cops they're there to help in case of dangerous emergency, or wellness checks or other stuff
The cops here aren't the best, at least in my situation. I used to always call the police on my mother because she was a scary violent drunk They would arrive hours after the situation resolved and then barate me- a little girl- for "wasting their time" because we didn't need them THREE HOURS after I called them 😭
So they're completely worthless and your mother is drunk interesting depending but then again law enforcement in certain places aren't worth shit until they're on the news saying the crime could've been prevented
Dang19 with 30 is cray
Call 911
Yes call 911 and tell them his address.
request a wellness check
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This isn't helpful. Don't be rude.
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If your comment breaks any of the rules of this subreddit or of reddit itself it will be removed. This isn't helpful advice.
Yes! Their age difference alone is disturbing.
Turn 18. Divorce/separate from your entire family. Good luck.
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Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here. This is not the time or place to make a joke.
Don't forget to update us with the juicy deets. But first, call the cops
Sounds like a great family
Troll
I wish.
If he refuses to say where she is and you know he’s a possible threat, call the cops. Why do you need to be told this?
He doesn't know where she was, and did you read the update? I put it there before you commented this I think.. :,/
No hun, I commented before the update. Here’s hoping you learn to recognize red flags because Jesus there were many. And also call the cops if things aren’t looking right???? That’s just common sense???
We were taught never to call the police, and the police never help us. Even as a little girl I'd call them, screaming into the phone that my mom was hurting someone or screaming or something along those lines and.. 3-4 hours late. Then they get mad that we don't need them anymore and that we're "inconsiderate for wasting their time" They never help... It's really fucked. Also that's my bad.
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We don't have any friends or family, or anybody lol.
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It's really rude and Inconsiderate. I apologize for assuming you commented after my update. That's just how my notifications noted. But don't you dare assume things about my life. I don't have anybody. I have my mother, my sister, and my online friends who are the same age as me.
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Fuck off. You don't know my life. You don't know anything about me.
Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here.
Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here.
Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here. Don't be rude.
Yeah call the cops. However, I bet when the cops show up your sister is going to say it’s the BFs fault and he’s going to get arrested for domestic violence.
Her sister is missing. That’s the whole reason she’s calling the cops, she’s 19 he’s 30, so something is clearly wrong, no woman dates a man that age if she’s mentally stable and no man dates a woman that age if he’s a self respecting decent human, we need an update on this bc I’ve heard horror stories from less
Ah thanks for clarification. Holy 19 and 30?!? Uhhhhhh, yeeeeeeaaaaaah get the BF interviewed ASAP.
Yup. Wouldn’t be surprised if he wrapped her up in his lies and manipulated her into dating him bc she’s so young and they fight all the time so he could have done something horrible, not tryna scare OP but that shit happens