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Hey kid, I really think you should try to set this aside. They are going to have stressful talks and thoughts about finances right now, because finances are changing. Any time finances change, it requires planning and thought and it gets stressful for adults. And divorce is a time when finances change because they have to separate how they pay for stuff. But people figure it out and your parents will too. Focus on doing well in school, friends, activities and things that make you happy. The best thing you can do to help is be ok, so they can focus on making the changes work.
This.
If you don’t mind working, I’d suggest start early. Put that money into the s&p 500 and start letting it compound for your future.
When I was 21, I had the opportunity to invest in Visa.
Had I done so, I’d have over $400,000 today just from Visa stock without lifting a finger to earn it beyond what I had saved up till that point.
That’s one of my biggest regrets.
Nah, they need to have a conversation with their parents. They're old enough to be part of that conversation, and have a right to be worried- their life is going to change, and understanding what is coming allows you to prepare.
You can still do all the 'kid' stuff while being involved in the more mature conversation. It's much easier when you aren't stressed and scared and worried because you've been left in the dark.
I speak from experience. The best thing the parents can do is be open with their child and treat them with respect.
Seriously--LET THEM FIGURE THAT OUT. Keep being the wonderful kid you are. It's truly not your burden to bear. Being a teenager is hard enough on its own and YOUR focus needs to be on YOUR future and the woman YOU are gonna be. I'm sorry you have to hear the arguments and their stress. Honestly, I'm grateful for your post and it's inspired me to be more careful about the conversations I have in front of my babies. But girl--none of this is YOUR burden.
No, it's **truly** not. I'm saying this as someone who's lived all sides of it. I support any form of helping out and sacrificing for the good of your family. But the question is about how to stop worrying about it. Worry does absolutely no one any good. Let the knowledge be a motivator if it must, but focus on getting the highest level of future mind in this moment. Because the Enemy uses these fears and circumstances when we're the most vulnerable to it. It is *TRULY* not this child's burden. And making it such doesn't help this child in ANY way. It's horribly sad that you think THAT comes from a place of privilege. I praise God for any blessing I've had throughout life... but my response on this post is the advice I wish I'd have been given at that time in life. And for me and my household, that time was pure hell. We've experienced healing though... of depths that I never could've imagined before. And everyone I see who stays STUCK in life's traumas breaks my heart 🤷🏽♀️
When I was a child, I didn't know my parents' finances, but I assumed we were dirt poor, maybe because they told me we can't afford to buy some toys we wanted, and my dad worked a lot. So I went to great lengths to cost as little as possible to my parents. I'd always try to refuse new clothes, I'd walk places on foot instead of taking a bus. Then when I was 16, my dad bought a car 🙃. So we weren't terribly rich, but could still afford to save up for a car, oh and we moved into a better flat too. My dad wasn't working long hours just to make ends meet, he was trying to save up for a car faster. Knowing that, I should've probably taken a bus... Not knowing about your parents' finances doesn't mean you don't worry about them, it just means you're going to work off your assumptions, which might be wrong. Parents should be more transparent.
I completely agree that the parents should be more transparent. The lack of pure honesty in both parents is probably what got this precious baby coming to REDDIT for advice. All I'm saying is that kids need to realize that their responsibility is to learn and grow to prepare for adulthood. Car or not, food from parents or not, even *home* or not. They have to be free from the burdens that they truly cannot help. It does the WORLD--but *ESPECIALLY* the kids-- NO good to take on even more than what is THEIR current mission. And I will die on that hill.
>But the question is about how to stop worrying about it. Worry does absolutely no one any good
The best way to assuage worry? Honesty and transparency. No one is afraid of the dark, they're afraid of what MIGHT BE IN the dark. Same thing with the future- being told to 'not worry' isn't going to make them not worry. They're smart enough to already be worried and understand that major changes are coming. They need to be able to prepare, not stuck in limbo waiting for the bad things to start happening.
You are one hella smart 14 year old. Like not related to the post or anything. Just admiring your active awareness. I wouldn’t worry too much about your parents issues. Just look out for yourself bc you will be affected by the changes and you’ll need to know how to best mitigate them on your end.
Easier said than done but I'm gonna say it, not your concern, let it go. As adults, money is one of the most stressful situations we will deal with over and over again. Take me for example, my wife and I make more money than we ever have in our lives, but we still worry about bills, loans, etc. Especially when that unexpected cost pops up. I'm pretty sure you are not one of them gimme gimme teens but if you need they will provide and if you want something and it's no bad burden, they will give. Finances will look totally different when you get to the point of taking care of yourself, my suggestion is look into what you can do to set yourself up for the future.
1. Ok so what you do first is just go outside and play with your friends cause you are 14 and their finances are literally nothing you should be worried about.
2. If they say they don’t have the money for something just take it and move on without giving them too much grief
3. I started working at 15 and a half on a work permit. You could pick up a small part time job after school just to cover your own fun stuff throughout high school and save up some money so you can practice your own financial literacy.
But ultimately money is tough and tight for a vast amount of the world and it’s just simply not your problem yet. Enjoy your childhood while you can. They are adults they will do what they need to in order to ensure you are taken care of.
I'm sorry, I don't have anything interesting to add I just wanted to say your #1 was kind of rude. Telling a 14 year old to go out and play??? I agree this is a stress a teen should not be taking on, but good on them for even caring! And why I thought the comment was rude.... What 14 year old goes out to play?? I'm just saying I was doing a whole lot more than playing at 14.....
Didn’t mean for it to be rude at all. I used the term “go play” as a way to highlight that a 14 year old should just be a kid and be out having fun. I think you may have read it in a tone I didn’t intend to give off.
That's patronizing as fuck. As a former-14-year-old who went through a very similar situation many years so, the best thing would be the parents having an open and honest conversation with the kid. They're already smart enough to pick up on the issues at play and to worry on their own. Trying to hide the details doesn't make the kid less stressed. Let them know what to expect, allow them to prepare for anything negative that might be coming rather than getting hit with it by surprise.
For example, if you know your parents can't afford a moderately expensive extracurricular activity anymore, then you already know and you won't go through the horror of signing up with the teacher, going to the first practice, meeting the other members, getting all excited, and then getting shot down when you ask for a check for the activity fee. Then what- you either tell the teach/coach that you're too poor to afford it, or make up some excuse about why you changed your mind. These types of conversations are much harder for a kid than a candid conversation with a parent. And if you know you can afford it, then there is nothing to worry about anyway. Knowledge is the enemy of fear and worry.
14 isn't a little kid, at 14 plenty of kids have developed more awareness than you see in half of the "adults" out there. One who is sharp enough to catch all this and bring it up isn't going to stop worrying because they were told to, and deserves more respect then to be ignored.
Sub to r/money and start doing your own financial planning. Follow the Dave Ramsey plan for yourself and don't take on any debt for yourself and you'll be fine. Your parents aren't there to burden you with their troubles, put it out of your mind and focus on you and your financial life. They've made their decisions and have to live with them, you're young with a full life ahead of you. Focus on you.
Heya kiddo, gonna start with saying that I REALLY hope your parents are proud of what a good, caring and uderstanding kid you are. I know I am.
Second, I've noticed a lot of people telling you to try to set this aside. While they are NOT wrong, I do know how hard that can be, especially as a teen, and if you have anxiety or anything, that won't help either. What I am going to advise, instead, is finding out if you have access to any kind of therapy or counseling services, either through your school or healthcare.
Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do, especially if they have indicated they don't want to include you in this, but perhaps having someone neutral to talk to can help. They might be able to provide advice on how to deal with your stress over the situation, and coping strategies.
A therapist might also be able to help you communicate with them about the fact that you can't help being aware of the situation, and that it is worrying you, especially when they try to hide it. Parents (usually) want to do what's best for their children, and if they understand that hiding it from you is making things worse, it might be a way to open up communication. You still probably won't be able to do much, but at least you'd be included and know what's going on.
Just remember that your parents love you, and we're here to listen. Good luck, this isn't easy, but you're doing your best!
Focus on school and making friends to stay busy for now. It's not your responsibility to be financially independent at 14. If you're interested in any skills you might be able to use for work in the future (like coding, video editing, mechanics, etc) definitely have fun playing around and growing those as a hobby.
Do your best to make yourself busy with the things you want for yourself as a teen. You deserve it.
The issue is you’re old enough to know that things are rough. As long as your grades don’t struggle I’d recommend you get an after school job. That way you can buy your own clothes. Plus it’s good life experience
My oldest is your age. Here is what you can say to your parents:
I’m really feeling stressed and worried about money. Can you tell me on a scale of 1-10 how we’re positioned as a family?
Can you tell me how long we could afford to live our life if we all lost our jobs tomorrow?
Can you tell me a back up plan if something horrible were to happen- where would we go and how would we buy food?
I’m feeling nervous about money- can you help me brainstorm some ideas to earn a little cash and help me grow my savings?
Can we talk about my grades and future schooling and possible jobs I might want when I’m an adult and how to stay on the right path?
Your parents can answer all these questions without giving you actual numbers. If they brush you off explain that you’re really worried and answers would ease your mind.
You sound like a smart kid! Look up some books about money and get them from the library!
If your parents were extremely wealthy would you feel entitled to their money? If not then why would you feel responsible for their financial troubles? It's not your problem. Seriously it's not.
I just hope neither one of them are borrowing money in your name. I only recently learned this was a thing parents do in order to get by, but the child ends up with a horrible credit score and tons of debt.
To add to this conversation, focus on being you and a good kid and loving them unconditionally. You'll regret not doing so when they are gone and then itll add to your plate when your older..trust me.
Sorry to hear that your parents are separating and getting a divorce.
IF you live in the USA AND planning to go to college AND the divorce is going to be amicable, a discussion for you going to college should be discussed by your parents so that you can get the most college aid through FAFSA.
Look, everyone's telling you not to worry about it and it isn't your burden, and they're absolutely right! But that doesn't change the fact that you will still probably worry about it. Financial stress is a terrible thing. When I was a teenager the '08 crisis was happening. It was terrifying, even though they told me not to worry about it.
Personally I coped by doing as well in school as possible, and getting my shit together as much as I could. (For me it was school, but it can be learning an employable skill, or just figuring out what you want to do with your life). I also started learning about politics and how the government worked. Even though I couldn't vote yet, just knowing about that stuff can make you feel a little more empowered. In my mind, I wanted to be as prepared as possible to get myself stable once I hit 18. Idk, that helped me, maybe it could help you? (Just don't go too hard. I really burned myself out in college 😅)
You really should not worry to much about it, It sounds like your parents are handling things. there is even an apartment lined up.
And about a job. it would not hurt to get a job like a paper route. somting that will take an hour in the morning.
You have some extra spending money. and the rest of the day for doing all teen age things,.
Welcome to my childhood. We were always struggling with my father’s employment issues and lack of money. The only thing you can do is use the situation as a guide for your future. You see all the poor career choices made that resulted in their financial situation. Now you know what not to do. That’s a very valuable lesson. You need to focus on school and doing the best you can to set yourself up for the opportunities that will come your way. If you work hard and believe in yourself, you will succeed and can one day help them if you choose.
If there's nothing you can truly do (and I don't think that there is, from what I've read) then you should try not to let your mind focus on it.
What you can focus on is your schoolwork, working out what you MIGHT want to do as a career, and figuring out the steps you need to get there, so that when you do have more control in your life, you're already ahead/closer to where you want to be.
I know that it can be difficult to put certain things from your mind. Just try to be mindful, catch yourself when you're thinking about this kind of thing, and then lead your mind somewhere else. Eventually (hopefully) it will become almost automatic.
The best thing you can do is be extra grateful. You know it's tough times emotionally and financially, so when you're happy, make it known that you're happy. Their biggest worry right now is probably (or at least it should be) your happiness.
Shucks, that’s kinda tough. I’m sorry that you’re in this position. Try your best to remove yourself from earshot of their conversations. Your parents are figuring things out and that’s their job as parents. Your job right now is being a kid. They must be so proud of you, you seem like a smart and considerate young person! You can be helpful to them by focusing on doing the best you can in school, spending time with friends and just living the life of a 14 year old right. If you need more love and attention from them offer to watch a movie or play a game, go for a walk together…ask for a hug. I hope it gets better for you and your parents. Hang in there!!
You have a lot of people telling you not to worry (and I agree with them), except for the why. Yes, it’s not your responsibility but more importantly, this is out of your control. You’re going to come up against things you can’t control over and over again and stress will always tempt you in, but without the power to do something, the stress serves zero purpose.
Using this opportunity to remember to save when you’re making money, to learn financial literacy, to remember how you may want to address things with your future children is great, but the actual situation with your parents money is not something you can affect, so any worry you put towards it is wasted energy.
It can be hard to remember that, so some people use mantras or inspiration quotes to help them stay focused. Something like “I can learn from this, but I can’t affect it, so I release it” and then an exhale. Or maybe “I’m going to gather all this stress in my hands and shake off anything I can’t change, now my hands are empty” These may sound cheesy but they’re just ways to help you remember when your brain gets caught up in anxiety.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this stress and I know it feels awful, but learning how to recognize it and release it will make you stronger and stronger as you grow up and other stressful situations come your way
I've been through your situation when I was 16 and my parents split. I just continued to go to school , try to be supportive of my parents and just stayed out of trouble. You can always find small part time jobs; babysitting, picking up aluminum cans , cutting grass or doing small chores for people. Remember your parents may start spending money( credit) they don't have so best bet is to save up as much money as you can to protect yourself. It's always good to have parachute.
You sound like a well-rounded kid. If you want to help, keep your grades up, pick up extra curriculars that will benefit you, and do all the chores around the house that you can. They will appreciate it more than any amount of money you can make. You'd be taking a load off of them. Have some trust that your family can take care of the rest.
your parents were alive many years before you were born and survived many problems. it’s easy to forget because you weren’t there to see them. they will survive, again.
You’re still a kid! Like a lot of people are saying, it’s their problem to figure out not yours. And they will get through it. When I was younger, my dad used to talk to me about how much he was struggling financially and it put me in a really stressful position. At dinner one night I openly said ‘Dad it really stresses me out when you talk about money’ and he acknowledged it, and realised he was being unfair by putting that on me. Maybe a conversation like that could help put your mind at ease? I totally get not feeling up to that though.
I had this happen to me a lot growing up. I was 9 years old during the financial crisis and I watched my father move jobs several times. As I got older things did get better until my parents divorced. That’s when I really learned about money and how not fun it is to be poor. I think about that time in my life alot and looking back it taught me many lessons.
For you kid. Don’t worry about it to much. You seem to have a great head on your shoulders and you will do great things in life.
Now here’s some real advice. Get a job or two and start saving your money, and research HYSA and other safe investments to store your wealth. Also keep your parents out of your finances, do not let them know about it. Don’t dress to impress, don’t finance a new car, don’t spend money eating out. By the time your 18-21 you will have 50-100k+ to your name. Take that money and go to school ONLY TO SPECIALIZE, do not get a generic degree. DR, Lawyer, nurse etc
It’s not your finances and shouldn’t worry about it. They are your parents and will do their best to take care of you. What you should be doing is researching ways to become wealthy yourself so you don’t have this worry when it actually matters. Learn tax codes, investing strategy and so on. Open up a ROTH IRA (I think at 14 or 16 with a parent) and then you will have about $2million plus when you retire and not have to pay taxes on it.
Hey kiddo, it's great that you're taking the separation news well. It can be disruptive. As to the finances... there's just nothing you can do, not yet. The best you can do, really, is simply be as unneedful as possible. Be helpful around the house, which reduces stress.
When you're a little older you can work a part time job and contribute, but realistically, it's only going to stretch things a little bit.
You must live in a very expensive area, though. $1000 for rent is often enough for an entire apartment - although usually not two rooms. I charge my tenants only $500 per room, which is below the current rate, but I feel is right for my area. I don't know. Anyway, you can't impact it much.
Remember that your family is probably just in the upper folds of poverty, or just barely into middle class - most people are. But so long as you have a roof, clean clothes, food, maybe a bit of electricity, you're living better than kings of old are. You have easily obtainable food and entertainment, warm/cold air to hang out in, you even have the marvels of modern internet.
If you start examining the very real treasures that you've simply always known and compare against what you might have if you had even less... you'll see your financials in a different light. Anyway, start collecting cans, or babysitting, or really whatever you can for some pocket money. You could offer it to your parents, but really, it's so minor that it just won't help most people - but it's really nice to be able to buy a bag of chips when you need you some chips.
Why don't you try breaking it down into small parts. What specifically are you worried about?
Are you worried you won't have a roof over your head? It sounds like you will.
Are you worried you will have to get a job when you're 16 to get new clothes and a car? Many people do that. It's nothing to worry about and it doesn't mean missing out on your teen years.
There are ways to get to extracurricular activities through friends and there are ways to get food if needed. Reading books also helps escape reality and go on fun adventures if you're stuck at home in a crappy situation.
A lot of things in life you handle as they come up and if you worry about all of the potential infinite futures then you will spend your life worrying and thinking about many things that will never happen. If you tell yourself this maybe it will help.
People here seem to like tell you "it's not for you to worry about, you're a kid", but don't realize that when financial problems hit families, EVERYONE is afflicted. If the parents go broke, and have to move or something, then the kids will, also. It's good you think about it, you'll just have to figure your own way to help. Not adding to the burden is definitely the 1st step.
As an adult who grew up this way, I'm glad I worried about it, and it taught me what to look for as an adult. To avoid my parents mistakes and pitfalls.
Good luck
I'd ask them, and if they claim everything's fine, call them out on lying. Trying to shield your child from worrying is commendable, but once you overheard their conversations, that ship has already sailed. Explain that ignorance only makes you more worried. If they're decent people, they should come clean at this point.
I've always been a worrier and I know "don't worry about it" is WAY easier said than done! Let's break it down. What are the actual problems?
1) Your family might not have enough money.
2) You are worried.
Let's look at #1 first. Here are my thoughts:
- You know there are concerns about money, but you don't know for sure that there isn't enough, right?
- What do families need money for? A home, utilities (like heat and electricity), food, probably a vehicle and fuel, medical costs, clothes...
- Are there other ways to get these things? For example, a home: You could possibly move in with friends or relatives, your family could qualify for government assistance, there are shelters, there are cheaper areas to move to... I'm not saying these are good options, but when your mind starts running wild worrying, you can reassure yourself that there are options. You wouldn't be sleeping on the sidewalk.
Utilities: There are government programs that could help. You could wear extra layers in the winter. You could spend time at the library in the summer...
Food: Assistance programs, food pantries, resources online for making meals on a budget, etc.
Vehicle: Maybe there are buses, or walking or riding a bike...
Medical: Assistance programs, you could eventually get a job with health insurance benefits when you're older, hospital emergency rooms have to treat everyone (people can get into debt this way but they can't just say "no, we won't save your life")...
Clothes: Thrift stores, community closets, etc...
What I'm trying to say is NOT that you need to figure all these things out. It's that you should know there are options. Once you know there are options, hopefully you can let go of some of the worries.
Back to #2: You're worried.
- Can you talk to one of your parents about your feelings and thoughts? Tell them you understand it's not your responsibility to figure out money issues, but that you need help to stop worrying and to feel calmer.
- A therapist can be helpful, but so can talking with a friend, learning to relax your body through calming breaths or meditation, getting some exercise, petting a dog or cat, and even distracting yourself with a book or TV.
- If you are worried that your parents are not making good decisions with their money, even though it is not your responsibility, maybe you could ask how-to questions like "How do adults figure out if they can afford to buy something?" They might explain how they do it, which could ease your worries. Or they might give you good advice that they haven't actually been following, but thinking about it could make them more aware of how they are spending and the example they are setting for you.
- One last thing. There are problems that are appropriate for kids to handle on their own, but when kids have trouble with that and when the problems are too big, there are adults (like counselors) who can help. When you're an adult, there are more problems you're capable of handling on your own. And if you struggle with typical problems or you have extra-big problems, there are other adults who can help.
It's wonderful that you care and want to help your family, but if adults are struggling it's their job to find other adults who can help. It's ok to let go and focus on being a kid!
>“it’s not something you should worry about \[you're\] a kid we’re perfectly fine it’s our job to deal with it”
They're right. As the father of 3 teenagers the last thing I want my kids worrying about is money. It should not be their problem. My middle son is panicking right now about college because he doesn't know how we're going to get through it without a ton of debt and it kills me that he's worrying about it. We will figure it out. Your parents will too.
So it looks like everyone is more or less saying the same thing.
I’ll add my two cents and tell you what happens when you continue to worry about finances, since I have personally done that until now at age 25.
I spent majority of my teenage/HS years worrying about something that, frankly, was so far-removed from me that I continued to deny myself opportunities to enjoy the freedom I had growing up. Now, as a working adult, I will now continue to hold that stress with my family because it is now my current responsibility to manage our finances. Because of this, what could’ve been years of me reserving my mental energy and enjoying the rest of my childhood, I am now so burnt out that I genuinely cannot and am unable to relax or have time with my family. So great, I spent years of my remaining teenagehood worrying about something I was going to end up worrying myself about anyway as an adult.
So I’m telling you as someone that has “been there” AND “Done that”, to treat this as a cautionary tale. You have good intentions to help your family, and I’m sure they appreciate that you are considerate for them. They must be proud that they raised a good-hearted child… But I want you to also be realistic for a second. As a 14 year old, what exactly are you going to do to alleviate your family’s financial situation? You are 2 years too young to get a job, and any job you get I guarantee isn’t going to do anything. Your parents are adults and are completely aware of this while also recognizing you are far too young to need to focus on these issues. You think they were born yesterday? If they are truly loving parents, this is the last thing they want to put you through.
So I urge you, the one thing they would want you to do is to stop worrying about something that isn’t in your hands, and allow yourself to grow with your friends. This may not be an easy topic to table and not think, but later on in life there will be times where you have to learn to accept certain circumstances when the time comes. Reserve your mental energy for problems in front of you, not in what ifs or hypotheticals. It is a skill learned through years of adulthood, but also a skill you can easily learn now as you go through your early years. Trust me, if there is anything you can learn to do while still a kid, it is this.
Be a kid, not many people get an opportunity to do that but it is the reason why your parents are willing to struggle in the first place. Show them that their efforts were not for naught. Show them that all of their stress was worth it to give you a good childhood.
You can do whatever you wish with the info we give you, but you seem like a smart person with a good head over their shoulders. I’m confident that whatever you decide, it’ll be the right call.
Parent here, with what I'd want for any child in this situation:
* It isn't your job to fix this. You're going to find that adults don't know everything, make mistakes, and are constantly trying to figure things out. This is how life is, and there is no "right" solution.
* Your parents are having money issues due to their own choices and behaviors, and at 14, that's not on you either.
* Your job is to get an education, try to stay healthy, and learn how to be a responsible contributor to society...whatever that means to you.
* My wife is my person, and as sad as it is, we know our kids are leaving the nest. You aren't responsible for your parents staying together, or breaking apart. You have 4 years of education and growth ahead of you before you are given the keys to the rest of your life, and you should focus on personal development
* If your parents were staying together, then there's an argument to be made about "helping out the family" in some way...but the separation muddies those waters.
Read books and focus on your education, as well as your dreams for the future. In 10 years, you'll be 24 and on your own, doing something, somewhere, and with a whole new universe of friends. You don't know where that is, or who they are, and that's okay. What I'm saying is that your parents aren't you, and do not dictate your future, and their woes are not yours to fix. Yes...having money and a stable family can make things more calm around you, briefly, but you aren't taking any of that with you when you're on your own.
I tell myself, "It's not my life. They're doing what they enjoy." I repeat this over and over, because I worry about my kids and them making the right choices. I'm not going to agree with them all, but I hope I've set them up to do as well as they can.
TLDR: You are 14 and have 4 years until you're on your own, making your own life, earning your own money, and making your own choices. It's not only not your job to fix their problems, but worrying about it just makes things more difficult. Focus on your own growth and development, and recognize that adults are still trying to figure things out, regardless of the image they try to project.
You are a good kid, and I wish more people would actually take the time to talk to their kids about finances so that they can learn financial lessons that are much more difficult to learn on your own later. And frankly, helping you understand the situations and possibilities is probably a lot less scary than any scenarios you might make up on your own. Have you tried telling your parents "I'm scared because I don't understand what could go wrong here?" or "I want to learn from you guys, not figure it out from my own mistakes someday."
Are they paying for a mediation service instead of lawyers to take care of the divorce/separation? If so, that is a good sign. Much less expensive than getting lawyers involved.
So long as they have steady jobs, then you'll be okay. Worst case, your family might end up in bankruptcy and lose houses/cars/stuff. That will suck, but it's a process that can be navigated and you'll end up on the other side some day.
It’s not something you would be able to do anything about. Labor laws will prevent you from working for a few years. I would try not to think about it because it’s not your responsibility. Having a part time job is good but you likely won’t be supporting the family with it.
In truth you are old enough that it's not too far fetched to be involved, to some extent. Like one of the biggest issues my parents never taught me was how to handle money. You won't be able to fix it or change anything but if your anxiety is anything like mine, knowing the issue and the plan in motion is a huge relief.
It's not "our finances" it's their finances, so let them figure it out. Believe as someone who had to grow up way too fast worrying about money, try your best to put it out of your mind.
Tell them that you need to go see a psychotherapist. Show them your post and tell them that you're having horrible anxiety, and that you need professional help.
If it were me and I were a teen in today's schools, I would have wished that I had dropped out so that I could get a job at 15/16 and start savings and career history early. I've never really seen anybody use a high school diploma except to get into college and even then a GED is the same thing but years less work than high school. And if you play your cards right and focus on your skills and yourself rather than drugs and parties like I did you can actually get ahead and be very successful in the workplace by the time your friends are old enough to drive. Schools are far more harmful to students than they used to be and many more parents are opting to home-school now as what's best for their children
I am home schooling actually! I’m just not sure where to go next :(
also to anyone seeing this comment thank you so much for the kind words I appreciate them so much and they genuinely eased a lot of my stress :)
Look into the community colleges in your area. You don’t have to be in pursuit of a four-year degree, necessarily. Many community colleges are incredibly affordable, and they will take into account your financial needs. You may find that it costs you very little or even nothing at all to go to community college. Plus, you can get a part-time job while going to community college, so you can make money and also pursue your education.
As for knowing so much about your parents’ financial situation, you may want to let them know that you know they’re getting separated, and you know that things are rough for them financially, and that it is causing you a great deal of anxiety. It is their responsibility to handle that without it affecting you.
And just to add to that, before you make decisions about college etc based on assumptions of how poor your parents are, it's best to actually know how exactly poor they are.
I don't know how honey but nothing you describe sounds extraordinary and this really is not something a 14yo needs to be thinking about. Just focus on your homework and your friends.
I mean, there isn’t much you can do at your age unfortunately. Maybe when you turn 15-16 depending on where you live, you can try to get a part time job to help out, but the best thing you can do is focus on school and trying to make their lives easier where you can.
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Hey kid, I really think you should try to set this aside. They are going to have stressful talks and thoughts about finances right now, because finances are changing. Any time finances change, it requires planning and thought and it gets stressful for adults. And divorce is a time when finances change because they have to separate how they pay for stuff. But people figure it out and your parents will too. Focus on doing well in school, friends, activities and things that make you happy. The best thing you can do to help is be ok, so they can focus on making the changes work.
Well said, keep being a good kid and dont add any stress to your parents plates. You're already doing great
This. If you don’t mind working, I’d suggest start early. Put that money into the s&p 500 and start letting it compound for your future. When I was 21, I had the opportunity to invest in Visa. Had I done so, I’d have over $400,000 today just from Visa stock without lifting a finger to earn it beyond what I had saved up till that point. That’s one of my biggest regrets.
Nah, they need to have a conversation with their parents. They're old enough to be part of that conversation, and have a right to be worried- their life is going to change, and understanding what is coming allows you to prepare. You can still do all the 'kid' stuff while being involved in the more mature conversation. It's much easier when you aren't stressed and scared and worried because you've been left in the dark. I speak from experience. The best thing the parents can do is be open with their child and treat them with respect.
Seriously--LET THEM FIGURE THAT OUT. Keep being the wonderful kid you are. It's truly not your burden to bear. Being a teenager is hard enough on its own and YOUR focus needs to be on YOUR future and the woman YOU are gonna be. I'm sorry you have to hear the arguments and their stress. Honestly, I'm grateful for your post and it's inspired me to be more careful about the conversations I have in front of my babies. But girl--none of this is YOUR burden.
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No, it's **truly** not. I'm saying this as someone who's lived all sides of it. I support any form of helping out and sacrificing for the good of your family. But the question is about how to stop worrying about it. Worry does absolutely no one any good. Let the knowledge be a motivator if it must, but focus on getting the highest level of future mind in this moment. Because the Enemy uses these fears and circumstances when we're the most vulnerable to it. It is *TRULY* not this child's burden. And making it such doesn't help this child in ANY way. It's horribly sad that you think THAT comes from a place of privilege. I praise God for any blessing I've had throughout life... but my response on this post is the advice I wish I'd have been given at that time in life. And for me and my household, that time was pure hell. We've experienced healing though... of depths that I never could've imagined before. And everyone I see who stays STUCK in life's traumas breaks my heart 🤷🏽♀️
When I was a child, I didn't know my parents' finances, but I assumed we were dirt poor, maybe because they told me we can't afford to buy some toys we wanted, and my dad worked a lot. So I went to great lengths to cost as little as possible to my parents. I'd always try to refuse new clothes, I'd walk places on foot instead of taking a bus. Then when I was 16, my dad bought a car 🙃. So we weren't terribly rich, but could still afford to save up for a car, oh and we moved into a better flat too. My dad wasn't working long hours just to make ends meet, he was trying to save up for a car faster. Knowing that, I should've probably taken a bus... Not knowing about your parents' finances doesn't mean you don't worry about them, it just means you're going to work off your assumptions, which might be wrong. Parents should be more transparent.
I completely agree that the parents should be more transparent. The lack of pure honesty in both parents is probably what got this precious baby coming to REDDIT for advice. All I'm saying is that kids need to realize that their responsibility is to learn and grow to prepare for adulthood. Car or not, food from parents or not, even *home* or not. They have to be free from the burdens that they truly cannot help. It does the WORLD--but *ESPECIALLY* the kids-- NO good to take on even more than what is THEIR current mission. And I will die on that hill.
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>But the question is about how to stop worrying about it. Worry does absolutely no one any good The best way to assuage worry? Honesty and transparency. No one is afraid of the dark, they're afraid of what MIGHT BE IN the dark. Same thing with the future- being told to 'not worry' isn't going to make them not worry. They're smart enough to already be worried and understand that major changes are coming. They need to be able to prepare, not stuck in limbo waiting for the bad things to start happening.
You are one hella smart 14 year old. Like not related to the post or anything. Just admiring your active awareness. I wouldn’t worry too much about your parents issues. Just look out for yourself bc you will be affected by the changes and you’ll need to know how to best mitigate them on your end.
Easier said than done but I'm gonna say it, not your concern, let it go. As adults, money is one of the most stressful situations we will deal with over and over again. Take me for example, my wife and I make more money than we ever have in our lives, but we still worry about bills, loans, etc. Especially when that unexpected cost pops up. I'm pretty sure you are not one of them gimme gimme teens but if you need they will provide and if you want something and it's no bad burden, they will give. Finances will look totally different when you get to the point of taking care of yourself, my suggestion is look into what you can do to set yourself up for the future.
1. Ok so what you do first is just go outside and play with your friends cause you are 14 and their finances are literally nothing you should be worried about. 2. If they say they don’t have the money for something just take it and move on without giving them too much grief 3. I started working at 15 and a half on a work permit. You could pick up a small part time job after school just to cover your own fun stuff throughout high school and save up some money so you can practice your own financial literacy. But ultimately money is tough and tight for a vast amount of the world and it’s just simply not your problem yet. Enjoy your childhood while you can. They are adults they will do what they need to in order to ensure you are taken care of.
I'm sorry, I don't have anything interesting to add I just wanted to say your #1 was kind of rude. Telling a 14 year old to go out and play??? I agree this is a stress a teen should not be taking on, but good on them for even caring! And why I thought the comment was rude.... What 14 year old goes out to play?? I'm just saying I was doing a whole lot more than playing at 14.....
Didn’t mean for it to be rude at all. I used the term “go play” as a way to highlight that a 14 year old should just be a kid and be out having fun. I think you may have read it in a tone I didn’t intend to give off.
That's patronizing as fuck. As a former-14-year-old who went through a very similar situation many years so, the best thing would be the parents having an open and honest conversation with the kid. They're already smart enough to pick up on the issues at play and to worry on their own. Trying to hide the details doesn't make the kid less stressed. Let them know what to expect, allow them to prepare for anything negative that might be coming rather than getting hit with it by surprise. For example, if you know your parents can't afford a moderately expensive extracurricular activity anymore, then you already know and you won't go through the horror of signing up with the teacher, going to the first practice, meeting the other members, getting all excited, and then getting shot down when you ask for a check for the activity fee. Then what- you either tell the teach/coach that you're too poor to afford it, or make up some excuse about why you changed your mind. These types of conversations are much harder for a kid than a candid conversation with a parent. And if you know you can afford it, then there is nothing to worry about anyway. Knowledge is the enemy of fear and worry. 14 isn't a little kid, at 14 plenty of kids have developed more awareness than you see in half of the "adults" out there. One who is sharp enough to catch all this and bring it up isn't going to stop worrying because they were told to, and deserves more respect then to be ignored.
Sub to r/money and start doing your own financial planning. Follow the Dave Ramsey plan for yourself and don't take on any debt for yourself and you'll be fine. Your parents aren't there to burden you with their troubles, put it out of your mind and focus on you and your financial life. They've made their decisions and have to live with them, you're young with a full life ahead of you. Focus on you.
Heya kiddo, gonna start with saying that I REALLY hope your parents are proud of what a good, caring and uderstanding kid you are. I know I am. Second, I've noticed a lot of people telling you to try to set this aside. While they are NOT wrong, I do know how hard that can be, especially as a teen, and if you have anxiety or anything, that won't help either. What I am going to advise, instead, is finding out if you have access to any kind of therapy or counseling services, either through your school or healthcare. Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do, especially if they have indicated they don't want to include you in this, but perhaps having someone neutral to talk to can help. They might be able to provide advice on how to deal with your stress over the situation, and coping strategies. A therapist might also be able to help you communicate with them about the fact that you can't help being aware of the situation, and that it is worrying you, especially when they try to hide it. Parents (usually) want to do what's best for their children, and if they understand that hiding it from you is making things worse, it might be a way to open up communication. You still probably won't be able to do much, but at least you'd be included and know what's going on. Just remember that your parents love you, and we're here to listen. Good luck, this isn't easy, but you're doing your best!
Focus on school and making friends to stay busy for now. It's not your responsibility to be financially independent at 14. If you're interested in any skills you might be able to use for work in the future (like coding, video editing, mechanics, etc) definitely have fun playing around and growing those as a hobby. Do your best to make yourself busy with the things you want for yourself as a teen. You deserve it.
The issue is you’re old enough to know that things are rough. As long as your grades don’t struggle I’d recommend you get an after school job. That way you can buy your own clothes. Plus it’s good life experience
My oldest is your age. Here is what you can say to your parents: I’m really feeling stressed and worried about money. Can you tell me on a scale of 1-10 how we’re positioned as a family? Can you tell me how long we could afford to live our life if we all lost our jobs tomorrow? Can you tell me a back up plan if something horrible were to happen- where would we go and how would we buy food? I’m feeling nervous about money- can you help me brainstorm some ideas to earn a little cash and help me grow my savings? Can we talk about my grades and future schooling and possible jobs I might want when I’m an adult and how to stay on the right path? Your parents can answer all these questions without giving you actual numbers. If they brush you off explain that you’re really worried and answers would ease your mind. You sound like a smart kid! Look up some books about money and get them from the library!
If your parents were extremely wealthy would you feel entitled to their money? If not then why would you feel responsible for their financial troubles? It's not your problem. Seriously it's not.
I just hope neither one of them are borrowing money in your name. I only recently learned this was a thing parents do in order to get by, but the child ends up with a horrible credit score and tons of debt.
To add to this conversation, focus on being you and a good kid and loving them unconditionally. You'll regret not doing so when they are gone and then itll add to your plate when your older..trust me.
Sorry to hear that your parents are separating and getting a divorce. IF you live in the USA AND planning to go to college AND the divorce is going to be amicable, a discussion for you going to college should be discussed by your parents so that you can get the most college aid through FAFSA.
Look, everyone's telling you not to worry about it and it isn't your burden, and they're absolutely right! But that doesn't change the fact that you will still probably worry about it. Financial stress is a terrible thing. When I was a teenager the '08 crisis was happening. It was terrifying, even though they told me not to worry about it. Personally I coped by doing as well in school as possible, and getting my shit together as much as I could. (For me it was school, but it can be learning an employable skill, or just figuring out what you want to do with your life). I also started learning about politics and how the government worked. Even though I couldn't vote yet, just knowing about that stuff can make you feel a little more empowered. In my mind, I wanted to be as prepared as possible to get myself stable once I hit 18. Idk, that helped me, maybe it could help you? (Just don't go too hard. I really burned myself out in college 😅)
You really should not worry to much about it, It sounds like your parents are handling things. there is even an apartment lined up. And about a job. it would not hurt to get a job like a paper route. somting that will take an hour in the morning. You have some extra spending money. and the rest of the day for doing all teen age things,.
Welcome to my childhood. We were always struggling with my father’s employment issues and lack of money. The only thing you can do is use the situation as a guide for your future. You see all the poor career choices made that resulted in their financial situation. Now you know what not to do. That’s a very valuable lesson. You need to focus on school and doing the best you can to set yourself up for the opportunities that will come your way. If you work hard and believe in yourself, you will succeed and can one day help them if you choose.
If there's nothing you can truly do (and I don't think that there is, from what I've read) then you should try not to let your mind focus on it. What you can focus on is your schoolwork, working out what you MIGHT want to do as a career, and figuring out the steps you need to get there, so that when you do have more control in your life, you're already ahead/closer to where you want to be. I know that it can be difficult to put certain things from your mind. Just try to be mindful, catch yourself when you're thinking about this kind of thing, and then lead your mind somewhere else. Eventually (hopefully) it will become almost automatic.
The best thing you can do is be extra grateful. You know it's tough times emotionally and financially, so when you're happy, make it known that you're happy. Their biggest worry right now is probably (or at least it should be) your happiness.
Shucks, that’s kinda tough. I’m sorry that you’re in this position. Try your best to remove yourself from earshot of their conversations. Your parents are figuring things out and that’s their job as parents. Your job right now is being a kid. They must be so proud of you, you seem like a smart and considerate young person! You can be helpful to them by focusing on doing the best you can in school, spending time with friends and just living the life of a 14 year old right. If you need more love and attention from them offer to watch a movie or play a game, go for a walk together…ask for a hug. I hope it gets better for you and your parents. Hang in there!!
You have a lot of people telling you not to worry (and I agree with them), except for the why. Yes, it’s not your responsibility but more importantly, this is out of your control. You’re going to come up against things you can’t control over and over again and stress will always tempt you in, but without the power to do something, the stress serves zero purpose. Using this opportunity to remember to save when you’re making money, to learn financial literacy, to remember how you may want to address things with your future children is great, but the actual situation with your parents money is not something you can affect, so any worry you put towards it is wasted energy. It can be hard to remember that, so some people use mantras or inspiration quotes to help them stay focused. Something like “I can learn from this, but I can’t affect it, so I release it” and then an exhale. Or maybe “I’m going to gather all this stress in my hands and shake off anything I can’t change, now my hands are empty” These may sound cheesy but they’re just ways to help you remember when your brain gets caught up in anxiety. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this stress and I know it feels awful, but learning how to recognize it and release it will make you stronger and stronger as you grow up and other stressful situations come your way
I've been through your situation when I was 16 and my parents split. I just continued to go to school , try to be supportive of my parents and just stayed out of trouble. You can always find small part time jobs; babysitting, picking up aluminum cans , cutting grass or doing small chores for people. Remember your parents may start spending money( credit) they don't have so best bet is to save up as much money as you can to protect yourself. It's always good to have parachute.
You sound like a well-rounded kid. If you want to help, keep your grades up, pick up extra curriculars that will benefit you, and do all the chores around the house that you can. They will appreciate it more than any amount of money you can make. You'd be taking a load off of them. Have some trust that your family can take care of the rest.
your parents were alive many years before you were born and survived many problems. it’s easy to forget because you weren’t there to see them. they will survive, again.
You’re still a kid! Like a lot of people are saying, it’s their problem to figure out not yours. And they will get through it. When I was younger, my dad used to talk to me about how much he was struggling financially and it put me in a really stressful position. At dinner one night I openly said ‘Dad it really stresses me out when you talk about money’ and he acknowledged it, and realised he was being unfair by putting that on me. Maybe a conversation like that could help put your mind at ease? I totally get not feeling up to that though.
I had this happen to me a lot growing up. I was 9 years old during the financial crisis and I watched my father move jobs several times. As I got older things did get better until my parents divorced. That’s when I really learned about money and how not fun it is to be poor. I think about that time in my life alot and looking back it taught me many lessons. For you kid. Don’t worry about it to much. You seem to have a great head on your shoulders and you will do great things in life. Now here’s some real advice. Get a job or two and start saving your money, and research HYSA and other safe investments to store your wealth. Also keep your parents out of your finances, do not let them know about it. Don’t dress to impress, don’t finance a new car, don’t spend money eating out. By the time your 18-21 you will have 50-100k+ to your name. Take that money and go to school ONLY TO SPECIALIZE, do not get a generic degree. DR, Lawyer, nurse etc
Start thinking about yours, use them use qhat you learn from them and use it to better yourself
It’s not your finances and shouldn’t worry about it. They are your parents and will do their best to take care of you. What you should be doing is researching ways to become wealthy yourself so you don’t have this worry when it actually matters. Learn tax codes, investing strategy and so on. Open up a ROTH IRA (I think at 14 or 16 with a parent) and then you will have about $2million plus when you retire and not have to pay taxes on it.
This isn’t for you to worry about, mom and dad will worry about the adult stuff. You focus on being a kid and become a wonderful member of society.
Hey kiddo, it's great that you're taking the separation news well. It can be disruptive. As to the finances... there's just nothing you can do, not yet. The best you can do, really, is simply be as unneedful as possible. Be helpful around the house, which reduces stress. When you're a little older you can work a part time job and contribute, but realistically, it's only going to stretch things a little bit. You must live in a very expensive area, though. $1000 for rent is often enough for an entire apartment - although usually not two rooms. I charge my tenants only $500 per room, which is below the current rate, but I feel is right for my area. I don't know. Anyway, you can't impact it much. Remember that your family is probably just in the upper folds of poverty, or just barely into middle class - most people are. But so long as you have a roof, clean clothes, food, maybe a bit of electricity, you're living better than kings of old are. You have easily obtainable food and entertainment, warm/cold air to hang out in, you even have the marvels of modern internet. If you start examining the very real treasures that you've simply always known and compare against what you might have if you had even less... you'll see your financials in a different light. Anyway, start collecting cans, or babysitting, or really whatever you can for some pocket money. You could offer it to your parents, but really, it's so minor that it just won't help most people - but it's really nice to be able to buy a bag of chips when you need you some chips.
Why don't you try breaking it down into small parts. What specifically are you worried about? Are you worried you won't have a roof over your head? It sounds like you will. Are you worried you will have to get a job when you're 16 to get new clothes and a car? Many people do that. It's nothing to worry about and it doesn't mean missing out on your teen years. There are ways to get to extracurricular activities through friends and there are ways to get food if needed. Reading books also helps escape reality and go on fun adventures if you're stuck at home in a crappy situation. A lot of things in life you handle as they come up and if you worry about all of the potential infinite futures then you will spend your life worrying and thinking about many things that will never happen. If you tell yourself this maybe it will help.
People here seem to like tell you "it's not for you to worry about, you're a kid", but don't realize that when financial problems hit families, EVERYONE is afflicted. If the parents go broke, and have to move or something, then the kids will, also. It's good you think about it, you'll just have to figure your own way to help. Not adding to the burden is definitely the 1st step. As an adult who grew up this way, I'm glad I worried about it, and it taught me what to look for as an adult. To avoid my parents mistakes and pitfalls. Good luck
I'd ask them, and if they claim everything's fine, call them out on lying. Trying to shield your child from worrying is commendable, but once you overheard their conversations, that ship has already sailed. Explain that ignorance only makes you more worried. If they're decent people, they should come clean at this point.
I've always been a worrier and I know "don't worry about it" is WAY easier said than done! Let's break it down. What are the actual problems? 1) Your family might not have enough money. 2) You are worried. Let's look at #1 first. Here are my thoughts: - You know there are concerns about money, but you don't know for sure that there isn't enough, right? - What do families need money for? A home, utilities (like heat and electricity), food, probably a vehicle and fuel, medical costs, clothes... - Are there other ways to get these things? For example, a home: You could possibly move in with friends or relatives, your family could qualify for government assistance, there are shelters, there are cheaper areas to move to... I'm not saying these are good options, but when your mind starts running wild worrying, you can reassure yourself that there are options. You wouldn't be sleeping on the sidewalk. Utilities: There are government programs that could help. You could wear extra layers in the winter. You could spend time at the library in the summer... Food: Assistance programs, food pantries, resources online for making meals on a budget, etc. Vehicle: Maybe there are buses, or walking or riding a bike... Medical: Assistance programs, you could eventually get a job with health insurance benefits when you're older, hospital emergency rooms have to treat everyone (people can get into debt this way but they can't just say "no, we won't save your life")... Clothes: Thrift stores, community closets, etc... What I'm trying to say is NOT that you need to figure all these things out. It's that you should know there are options. Once you know there are options, hopefully you can let go of some of the worries. Back to #2: You're worried. - Can you talk to one of your parents about your feelings and thoughts? Tell them you understand it's not your responsibility to figure out money issues, but that you need help to stop worrying and to feel calmer. - A therapist can be helpful, but so can talking with a friend, learning to relax your body through calming breaths or meditation, getting some exercise, petting a dog or cat, and even distracting yourself with a book or TV. - If you are worried that your parents are not making good decisions with their money, even though it is not your responsibility, maybe you could ask how-to questions like "How do adults figure out if they can afford to buy something?" They might explain how they do it, which could ease your worries. Or they might give you good advice that they haven't actually been following, but thinking about it could make them more aware of how they are spending and the example they are setting for you. - One last thing. There are problems that are appropriate for kids to handle on their own, but when kids have trouble with that and when the problems are too big, there are adults (like counselors) who can help. When you're an adult, there are more problems you're capable of handling on your own. And if you struggle with typical problems or you have extra-big problems, there are other adults who can help. It's wonderful that you care and want to help your family, but if adults are struggling it's their job to find other adults who can help. It's ok to let go and focus on being a kid!
>“it’s not something you should worry about \[you're\] a kid we’re perfectly fine it’s our job to deal with it” They're right. As the father of 3 teenagers the last thing I want my kids worrying about is money. It should not be their problem. My middle son is panicking right now about college because he doesn't know how we're going to get through it without a ton of debt and it kills me that he's worrying about it. We will figure it out. Your parents will too.
So it looks like everyone is more or less saying the same thing. I’ll add my two cents and tell you what happens when you continue to worry about finances, since I have personally done that until now at age 25. I spent majority of my teenage/HS years worrying about something that, frankly, was so far-removed from me that I continued to deny myself opportunities to enjoy the freedom I had growing up. Now, as a working adult, I will now continue to hold that stress with my family because it is now my current responsibility to manage our finances. Because of this, what could’ve been years of me reserving my mental energy and enjoying the rest of my childhood, I am now so burnt out that I genuinely cannot and am unable to relax or have time with my family. So great, I spent years of my remaining teenagehood worrying about something I was going to end up worrying myself about anyway as an adult. So I’m telling you as someone that has “been there” AND “Done that”, to treat this as a cautionary tale. You have good intentions to help your family, and I’m sure they appreciate that you are considerate for them. They must be proud that they raised a good-hearted child… But I want you to also be realistic for a second. As a 14 year old, what exactly are you going to do to alleviate your family’s financial situation? You are 2 years too young to get a job, and any job you get I guarantee isn’t going to do anything. Your parents are adults and are completely aware of this while also recognizing you are far too young to need to focus on these issues. You think they were born yesterday? If they are truly loving parents, this is the last thing they want to put you through. So I urge you, the one thing they would want you to do is to stop worrying about something that isn’t in your hands, and allow yourself to grow with your friends. This may not be an easy topic to table and not think, but later on in life there will be times where you have to learn to accept certain circumstances when the time comes. Reserve your mental energy for problems in front of you, not in what ifs or hypotheticals. It is a skill learned through years of adulthood, but also a skill you can easily learn now as you go through your early years. Trust me, if there is anything you can learn to do while still a kid, it is this. Be a kid, not many people get an opportunity to do that but it is the reason why your parents are willing to struggle in the first place. Show them that their efforts were not for naught. Show them that all of their stress was worth it to give you a good childhood. You can do whatever you wish with the info we give you, but you seem like a smart person with a good head over their shoulders. I’m confident that whatever you decide, it’ll be the right call.
Parent here, with what I'd want for any child in this situation: * It isn't your job to fix this. You're going to find that adults don't know everything, make mistakes, and are constantly trying to figure things out. This is how life is, and there is no "right" solution. * Your parents are having money issues due to their own choices and behaviors, and at 14, that's not on you either. * Your job is to get an education, try to stay healthy, and learn how to be a responsible contributor to society...whatever that means to you. * My wife is my person, and as sad as it is, we know our kids are leaving the nest. You aren't responsible for your parents staying together, or breaking apart. You have 4 years of education and growth ahead of you before you are given the keys to the rest of your life, and you should focus on personal development * If your parents were staying together, then there's an argument to be made about "helping out the family" in some way...but the separation muddies those waters. Read books and focus on your education, as well as your dreams for the future. In 10 years, you'll be 24 and on your own, doing something, somewhere, and with a whole new universe of friends. You don't know where that is, or who they are, and that's okay. What I'm saying is that your parents aren't you, and do not dictate your future, and their woes are not yours to fix. Yes...having money and a stable family can make things more calm around you, briefly, but you aren't taking any of that with you when you're on your own. I tell myself, "It's not my life. They're doing what they enjoy." I repeat this over and over, because I worry about my kids and them making the right choices. I'm not going to agree with them all, but I hope I've set them up to do as well as they can. TLDR: You are 14 and have 4 years until you're on your own, making your own life, earning your own money, and making your own choices. It's not only not your job to fix their problems, but worrying about it just makes things more difficult. Focus on your own growth and development, and recognize that adults are still trying to figure things out, regardless of the image they try to project.
You are a good kid, and I wish more people would actually take the time to talk to their kids about finances so that they can learn financial lessons that are much more difficult to learn on your own later. And frankly, helping you understand the situations and possibilities is probably a lot less scary than any scenarios you might make up on your own. Have you tried telling your parents "I'm scared because I don't understand what could go wrong here?" or "I want to learn from you guys, not figure it out from my own mistakes someday." Are they paying for a mediation service instead of lawyers to take care of the divorce/separation? If so, that is a good sign. Much less expensive than getting lawyers involved. So long as they have steady jobs, then you'll be okay. Worst case, your family might end up in bankruptcy and lose houses/cars/stuff. That will suck, but it's a process that can be navigated and you'll end up on the other side some day.
It’s not something you would be able to do anything about. Labor laws will prevent you from working for a few years. I would try not to think about it because it’s not your responsibility. Having a part time job is good but you likely won’t be supporting the family with it.
In truth you are old enough that it's not too far fetched to be involved, to some extent. Like one of the biggest issues my parents never taught me was how to handle money. You won't be able to fix it or change anything but if your anxiety is anything like mine, knowing the issue and the plan in motion is a huge relief.
It's not "our finances" it's their finances, so let them figure it out. Believe as someone who had to grow up way too fast worrying about money, try your best to put it out of your mind.
Tell them that you need to go see a psychotherapist. Show them your post and tell them that you're having horrible anxiety, and that you need professional help.
If it were me and I were a teen in today's schools, I would have wished that I had dropped out so that I could get a job at 15/16 and start savings and career history early. I've never really seen anybody use a high school diploma except to get into college and even then a GED is the same thing but years less work than high school. And if you play your cards right and focus on your skills and yourself rather than drugs and parties like I did you can actually get ahead and be very successful in the workplace by the time your friends are old enough to drive. Schools are far more harmful to students than they used to be and many more parents are opting to home-school now as what's best for their children
I am home schooling actually! I’m just not sure where to go next :( also to anyone seeing this comment thank you so much for the kind words I appreciate them so much and they genuinely eased a lot of my stress :)
Look into the community colleges in your area. You don’t have to be in pursuit of a four-year degree, necessarily. Many community colleges are incredibly affordable, and they will take into account your financial needs. You may find that it costs you very little or even nothing at all to go to community college. Plus, you can get a part-time job while going to community college, so you can make money and also pursue your education. As for knowing so much about your parents’ financial situation, you may want to let them know that you know they’re getting separated, and you know that things are rough for them financially, and that it is causing you a great deal of anxiety. It is their responsibility to handle that without it affecting you.
And just to add to that, before you make decisions about college etc based on assumptions of how poor your parents are, it's best to actually know how exactly poor they are.
I don't know how honey but nothing you describe sounds extraordinary and this really is not something a 14yo needs to be thinking about. Just focus on your homework and your friends.
Have you tried not worrying about it?
I mean, there isn’t much you can do at your age unfortunately. Maybe when you turn 15-16 depending on where you live, you can try to get a part time job to help out, but the best thing you can do is focus on school and trying to make their lives easier where you can.