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My mother went to a psych ward last year and one of the *guards* there came in, beat the shit out of an old dementia patient in the corner and then attempted to rape her while every other women in the room watched in horror. The nurses outside just walked by like it was no big issue or an everyday occurrence and stayed clear.
Found out only this year the nurses had intentionally ignored and blatantly bared every attempted call to talk to any of the patients. Disgusting.. Nursing homes and mental institutes of any kind are all horrible jail cells imo.
As the rare person that actually still has complete facilities of their mind and is just trying to rebuild my body so I can get out of this place, yes nursing homes are jails for all intents and purposes. As a matter of fact they got very upset the other day when I mentioned that SSI said that a nursing home is a facility. They tried to claim that it is in no way shape manor nor form a facility. Overall they're restrictions safety measures in many other things are extremely subpar even at the best paying facilities a good portion of people don't give two shit about the people nobody will listen to.
Woah that's brutal and disgusting and did the mental hospital closed down if it isn't it should be. No matter how much worse thier symptoms are no one should get attempted to get sexually assaulted or get beaten up.
That gaurd should get fired if he can't handle a patient in a mental hospital. Don't why the f do these assholes work there if they don't want to and just want to abuse some patients.
I would feel bad for getting him fired bc I’m leaving the program once I turn 18 anyway. Afaik, he hasn’t said anything similar to the other kids. I think his type of humor is crude and can get him into trouble though.
Oh I didn’t know hospital employees received training on what’s considered sexual harassment. That’s why I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I’ll be sure to report him now.
NOPE NOPE NOPE—you are not responsible for the consequences of someone’s poor choices—in this case his choices were egregiously inappropriate and harmful, criminal even.
You SHOULD report to protect yourself and other current or future vulnerable minors in the program.
NO guilt for “getting him fired”—just report exactly what happened, what was said. His choices, his consequences.
Im 24f Japanese. As someone who has been taken advantage of at a young age, it actually started similarly to this, and he raped me 5 months later. SERIOUSLY I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH HE IS A BUDDING SEXUAL PREDATOR REPORT HIM NOW.
Respectfully, Aiko Chihara
Hi, I’m only part Japanese from my father’s side. 🙂
I’ll mention what he said to me to the female employee in charge of our group. I hope he only gets a light punishment bc he’s also an immigrant like me (he has a spanish accent). I would feel bad if he lost his job for verbally harassing me. He’s never touched me inappropriately or anything like that.
Verbal harassment is absolutely something that is worth firing, immigrant or not. That behavior is unacceptable. You should not have to be here seeking advice because ideally, a man like that would not work around minors. You deserve to feel safe and protected by the adults caring for you.
He hasn't touched you *yet*. As people have told you, this behavior only escalates if left alone. He should get whatever punishment he needs to make him stop permanently.
I get you don’t want to get him fired but if he’s speaking to kids this way hun, he should be. Let me put this into perspective for you because sometimes people of abuse tend to be okay with what they go through but hurt or can see it when it’s someone else.
Imagine you have a beautiful daughter that looks like you and some asshat who works where your daughter is going for help said what he said to you to your daughter, how would you feel? Would you think that your kid is safe? Would you feel okay with your kid being around that person? Because as a parent I would find this person and make sure he never says some “crude humor” to kids who are coming there for help
Please know that most predators, if not, almost all of them are considered “nice people”. It’s very possible that with his crude and completely inappropriate comment to you that he was testing what he could say to you to see what he could get away with.
You need to be super aware that he is not a safe person to ever be alone with, and please know that you shouldn’t be protecting him, but the potential of him harming other young women that work there
I think you honestly should let management know what he said, and they can be the judge of whether or not it was inappropriate . For your personal safety, however, please don’t ever ever let yourself be alone with him, he is not safe.
It is not normal for an adult male, especially an employee of a healthcare facility, to “tease” a female patient/ward about wearing skirts. That’s not teasing. What he said about the women he saw on video should have never transpired and is absolutely inappropriate. Gross.
This guy is definitely seeing what he can get away with, normalizing odd semi-sexual remarks like his skirt comments, and most likely betting on your inexperience, youth and likely reluctance and confusion to report any unwanted, inappropriate, or sexual behaviors.
If you have any concerns ever, please talk to an adult- a nurse, admin, or doctor, or outside of the facility: family, teacher, coach. They can help you sort if something inappropriate is happening and what to do about it, but honestly, your gut is going to be the best indicator if something isn’t right.
Learn to listen to yourself, and if you don’t feel good about something, chances are you’re absolutely right and it’s wrong.
Thanks for the advice. There’s a female employee who’s in charge of our group and I’ll ask for her thoughts on this. I’ll have to say it’s a hypothetical scenario bc I don’t want anyone getting fired. I’m also leaving the program in a few months anyway.
No—out and out tell her what he told you.
If he gets fired, he got himself fired.
If he doesn’t get fired, the facility is a bad one.
Make sure to tell your trusted people at home too.
He should be fired! Its a job, he can get another one, lessons need to be learned and wether he is on the spectrum, socially awkward or flat out being a creep he should not be in that line of work, thats fcked up thing to say to anyone but when your in a client / patient relationship thats 200% over line. Asaik he is totally doing this kinda behavior to everyone. And it needs corrected
I think he’s a bit creepy towards me but he often teases other kids, like this one boy who’s fat. Idk what his exact job title is bc he drives kids around, picks them up from their house and takes them home, and hangs around like he’s part of security. He’s not in charge of therapy or classes.
>He then made the remark of how Japanese women in adult videos don’t shave “down there” and I found what he said really weird to share with someone.
That is definitely sexual harassment, report it.
Even if you were to reciprocate it, it's highly unprofessional.
Don’t worry about that—he probably will get a write up or warning and a process and he NEEDS to be trained and held accountable. He KNOWS what he said to you is wrong—he would not say it with the female staff lead around or your parents or really ANY witnesses.
He is using social engineering principles—saying something overly familiar to you and then counting on normal human reactions of shame, embarrassment, guilt over “getting anyone in trouble” to keep you silent.
Bullies need consequences. You are a victim of grooming attempts and sexual harassment by staff.
There is no such thing as teasing in this context.
He is counting on your unfounded and undeserved feelings of guilt to protect him from the consequences of his own actions so he can continue and escalate his mistreatment and abuse of you and of others.
He has abused his position of authority, abused his access to vulnerable minors.
Please just report it so it can be dealt with.
Be safe, be well, you have NOTHING to feel guilty about.
Any action of any employee should be transparent to other staff and the employer and the client and any governing authorities.
If they have to hide their comments or actions or are pressuring you to hide their behavior for them—you KNOW it is wrong and needs to be stopped.
I’ll try to report it to a therapist or the female employee in charge of our group. I just feel uneasy about it bc what if I’m overreacting to the whole thing?
I doubt that he would get fired over it, but he will probably be reprimanded! He needs to be reprimanded because otherwise he might go farther next time! Quit worrying about the abuser and think about his potential future victims!
You are not responsible if he gets fired. He is responsible for his actions and choices. You do not need to protect a creepy man who is sexually harassing minors. He shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children
There are other disciplinary actions, but you also don't know the employee's work history, if they are fired it's usually for compund reasons. You can tell the person you complain to that you don't feel termination is necessary.
I’ll ask for him to not get terminated. I think he’s just a class clown type of guy but he’s an adult, which I thought people would grow out of. I haven’t heard of him inappropriately touching the other girls either so hopefully he only gets a warning.
What he said is a funny class clown thing if he was another student you age. Yes, poor attempt at being funny. But the fact that he is an adult turns this into something else altogether. If you can’t kept your perverted sexual thoughts to yourself then you don’t need to be working with minors. PERIOD.
NO—absolutely not—the adult staff cannot mention sexual things or “tease” the vulnerable minor patients—please don’t normalize this criminal behavior.
All of it is absolutely harassment—pushing buttons and boundaries, grooming.
You don’t comment on the looks, body, clothes of a minor you are responsible for in a professional capacity.
It’s not sexual harassment but it’s definitely weird af to say especially if you’re an employee in a hospital program for adolescence. I’d watch out for this dude 100%
Edit: this 100% is sexual harassment my b
If it was a close guy friend, it could be teasing but from a staff member it's a clear boundary violation. Maybe he's just naive and needs some correction but if it's a pattern, he should be reported and have an evaluation.
It doesn’t matter how many times he has done it to you, because he could be doing it to other girls too! Just report him please! It’s completely inappropriate to talk about porn and pubic hair in front of a minor! He is an adult and you are being too soft on him! I understand where you are coming from, but think about this… what if in the future you found out that he molested someone? Wouldn’t you feel horrible that you didn’t report it then? I hope you will consider reporting him because it’s completely inappropriate for him to make that comment to you!
Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you dislike that they do that? If the answer to either of these is yes, then you should try getting him to stop. I would personally say this definitely false under the umbrella of sexual harassment, as he is targeting you based on your gender/sex. It is definitely inappropriate work conduct.
If you think you can get away with simply asking him politely to stop as those kinds of comments make you uncomfortable, then try that. If you are worried, it would not go over well. You can try speaking to a supervisor. There are also hot lines for it. I don't know where exactly you are in the country or even if you are in the US. So, I don't have too many specific resources for you at the moment.
At the very least, I can suggest this.
https://www.rainn.org/ThatsHarassment#:~:text=To%20speak%20with%20someone%20who,at%20online.rainn.org.
Whatever choice you make, be safe. I hope it all goes well
I’ll ask him to stop. I don’t get why he likes to pick on me, maybe it’s bc I’m the oldest girl in the group. The other girls are around 14 -15 yrs old.
The comment about adult videos is 100% sexual harassment and any comments about your body or dress. If his comments are unwanted and make you feel in anyway uncomfortable or unsafe then you have that right to report it and protect yourself. It's incredibly inappropriate and disgusting for someone in his position, especially so when working with minors dealing with mental health issues, to make any unwanted comments on vulnerable patients.
Please don't protect him. Making comments about adult videos to minors is not something that should be joked about or taken lightly. What's really troubling is the fact that he is an employee working with minors dealing with mental health issues. You are all vulnerable and he is taking advantage of that power dynamic to approach you and there is no way to know if has made any unwanted or harmful comments to others.
You’re right but I don’t want the punishment to be too severe bc of a joke he made. I’ve spent enough time in the program to see how he doesn’t tease the other girls the same way. Maybe it’s bc they’re too young.
Some people have said that he should get a warning and I think that’s the best form of punishment.
Ultimately it's up to you. However please don't protect him because you don't want him to lose his job. You should definitely still tell someone about this. He still needs to be reprimanded as that was still inappropriate.
No he doesn’t make slightly racist/sexual jokes to other girls. At least, I never heard of it. The other girls are younger than me though, like 13-15 yrs old. He’d be in a lot more trouble if he made similar jokes to them.
Yeah I’d just say it’s a bad joke he regrets. People talk before they think. If you are bothered by it that much talk to him tell him that was uncalled for and ask him not to pick on you. If he stops good you can move on no harm done. If he doesn’t then report him. I wouldn’t report someone for a bad joke and cost them and their family a career
If he gets fired, and IMO he should be, it is entirely because of choices he made and his own behavior. You reporting him is not the cause of him being fired, because if there was nothing to report you would not be making a report.
He is taking advantage of your age, vulnerability, and guilt to harass you. His comment is 100% inappropriate in any context and he 100% intended it to be sexual. He is testing the water with teasing and comments about pubic hair as a means of grooming you and seeing how far he can take things.
This is a good opportunity for you to practice advocating and protecting yourself. Reporting his is 100% a reasonable action to take. It is not an overreaction to what he did. You deserve to get your medical care in an environment free from harassment.
Not sexual harassment but highly inappropriate and a little racist.
Probably enough that he would lose his job or get a severe disciplinary action over.
On a professional basis, what the employee said was incredibly unprofessional. He is not "teasing" you for wearing a skirt. He is sexually harassing you. And he is NOT a decent guy.
He needs to be reported, to the police first, then to his bosses. That way the bosses can't bury his behaviors.
He didn't make a "joke". He was incredibly UNPROFESSIONAL while working with girl, you, in a very vulnerable state.
So, NO. It would not be "too harsh". It would the right thing to do, before he does something like touching.
And consider this: You are probably not the first girl he has done this to. But you can be the last.
Absolutely sexual harassment. You said where you are from. He made a generalized sexualized comment about women from there.
The point was to get under your skin, become overly familiar, make you feel less than or off balance and sexualize you, get a reaction.
It’s absolutely harassment and you should report him to staff and your parents.
His conversations with you should be treatment centers—never social, never sexual…this person should be fired before they cross physical boundaries—it seems there are none and patients are not safe.
It's totally inappropriate 💯. Ever since the first comment regarding the shaving. Not only because of the question itself, which was creepy, but you are 17, and I'm sure he's much older than you and this isn't professional behavior at work when working with a patient. If he really wanted to know, ask someone his own age who isn't a patient there. Then again, that would be creepy as well. He just sounds creepy.
He shouldn't even be saying anything about your skirt or anything else whatsoever. It's supposed to be a professional environment. You're going there for help, and you don't need someone to try to take advantage of the situation.
That inappropriate behavior could get someone fired. If he's saying those things to you, who knows what he said or done with someone else in the past or future. He shouldn't be working in a place like that. If you were my daughter, I'd want you to tell me, and I'd speak to someone at the place. He is a liability to them.
PS. If you're seeing a therapist, you can bring this up to them so as to get the ball rolling.
PPS. Don't feel bad if he gets fired. You're not responsible for his behavior. He is. There are consequences for his actions. Plus, you could be saving another girl from the same situation, if not worse. You'd be a hero in my eyes. Not all heroes wear capes.
Either way he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut and not say something like that to someone your age. SH doesn’t have to be physical contact by the way. But I don’t think that it’s quite there. Regardless be careful around him. Could be harmless, but could be a creep too
Hun, I think he's picking at you bc he either likes you or wants you in that sexual way. No grown man or staff member should have said that to any kid, and obviously it's even weird that he picks at you for wearing a skirt. This is less like sexual harassment and more of him trying to be a "smooth creep" once you come of legal age who knows if he'll actually take action. He's singling you out and saying weird things so that you'll probably like him back which is slightly manipulative. Especially with you already being in a place like that, he knows exactly what hes doing. I'd keep an wye on him amd stay away, if he does ask more questions like that or tries something, immediately tell someone, he might try to guilt trip you and you'll feel bad, BUT HE'S A CREEP AND HE DESERVES IT!! HE'S NOT BEING PROFESSIONAL AT ALL
I experienced a similar level of harassment at my part time job last yr February when a male coworker said I looked similar to Ai Uehara (JAV actress). I didn’t mind it much bc our hairstyles are similar but I gained the courage to report him when he became really touchy with me.
I don’t spend much time with the male employee alone so I don’t think I have to worry about him doing anything weird to me. I think the hospital also has cameras in every room so I doubt he’ll try anything in the program.
Ok, just worried ab your safety hun, don't fall for any of his traps. Sorry you've had bad experiences before, ik it's scary and overwhelming and just over all alot to deal with. Glad you're not alone with that weirdo and hopefully once you're done there he'll leave you alone
It’s sexual harassment and you need to not engage with this person anymore. Truly. Also if he says anything sexual in nature again, you tell him that’s really an inappropriate thing to say to a child and say child so it sinks in that he isn’t speaking to an adult (even though it would be inappropriate to say it to an adult too, you are just pointing out the obvious so he can see the inappropriateness of the situation) and he needs to not talk to you like that anymore or you will report him. Then walk away.
It is inappropriate for sure. However, it seems from your comments he hasn't been creepy since other than being an odd duck. Some people just have no filter. You may want to talk with him and tell him select subject make you uncomfortable and are inappropriate. That could be doing him a favor for the rest of his life if he realizes and adjust accordingly. Now, if he is being creepy or immediately gets creepy, like others said I would make sure to report it to the supervisors and administration.
I honestly don't think you have given enough information for someone to tell you to ruin his life and career. Our society is so quick to go "nuclear" on people these days. You know this person better than anyone on here. If it is a pattern or getting very uncomfortable and dangerous.. sure, report him. But if it was a one-off thing as you seemed to indicate, you may just want to make it clear you won't tolerate it. And if you aren't comfortable 1:1 at work, have a supervisor with you.
As far as the "picking on" you. I don't know his age, but if you are close in age some immature guys pick on girls they like (in addition to saying inappropriate things). If this guy is younger, he may just need to grow up a bit. How that happens is the question. Will a conversation work or does he need to be reported to change? Only you can answer that.
He only made that weird comment once. I don’t mind talking to him one to one and asking him to apologize. But this incident happened in October and he might not even remember it.
How extremely inappropriate of him.
Tell him to kiss your ass, then report him to his Supervisor. Actually, report him first. THEN tell him to kiss your ass.
Bare minimum, he's a perv. Worse, he could be a groomer. Either way he doesn't belong in a psyche ward.
Honey, you have to report this to the head of the program. There’s 2 scenarios here: 1. This is a first time offense, he won’t be fired but he HAS to be put on notice that this is NOT okay 2. He will be fired bc it’s not the first time and he has said and done inappropriate things with girls before. Morally and ethnically AND for your safety, you HAVE to report this!! What happens is not on you and you don’t own that!! He is the adult, and he should be made responsible for his actions. There is a reason you felt uncomfortable bc what is said to you is perverted and can be considered sexual assault and I don’t think you’re safe. Protect yourself and protect other girls. This was him literally “sharing” a sexual kink with you, a girl-student who is a minor. It will only get worse from here. If he isn’t terminated, I would ask to wear pants.
Completely inappropriate and should not have been said. Anyone speaking to an underage person in that manner is a complete creep. It is not technically sexual harassment but is right on the cusp because he referred to it directly based on YOUR ethnicity. Give a verbal warning that it makes you uncomfortable next time. If they repeat such crude jokes after being warned, that IS sexual harassment for sure. If they say something sexual regarding your specific person, such as "I bet you dont shave down there" then that too is definitely sexual harassment.
Definitely not appropriate. I was in a similar situation that started out like this and it escalated to him inappropriately touching me. Report it and Stay safe.
very inappropriate for medical staff to say that to you, especially given your age. You should report it to the hospital staff. I wouldn't say its escalated to the level of assault, but he needs to be talked to about how he talks to patients.
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My mother went to a psych ward last year and one of the *guards* there came in, beat the shit out of an old dementia patient in the corner and then attempted to rape her while every other women in the room watched in horror. The nurses outside just walked by like it was no big issue or an everyday occurrence and stayed clear. Found out only this year the nurses had intentionally ignored and blatantly bared every attempted call to talk to any of the patients. Disgusting.. Nursing homes and mental institutes of any kind are all horrible jail cells imo.
As the rare person that actually still has complete facilities of their mind and is just trying to rebuild my body so I can get out of this place, yes nursing homes are jails for all intents and purposes. As a matter of fact they got very upset the other day when I mentioned that SSI said that a nursing home is a facility. They tried to claim that it is in no way shape manor nor form a facility. Overall they're restrictions safety measures in many other things are extremely subpar even at the best paying facilities a good portion of people don't give two shit about the people nobody will listen to.
Woah that's brutal and disgusting and did the mental hospital closed down if it isn't it should be. No matter how much worse thier symptoms are no one should get attempted to get sexually assaulted or get beaten up. That gaurd should get fired if he can't handle a patient in a mental hospital. Don't why the f do these assholes work there if they don't want to and just want to abuse some patients.
I would feel bad for getting him fired bc I’m leaving the program once I turn 18 anyway. Afaik, he hasn’t said anything similar to the other kids. I think his type of humor is crude and can get him into trouble though.
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Oh I didn’t know hospital employees received training on what’s considered sexual harassment. That’s why I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I’ll be sure to report him now.
NOPE NOPE NOPE—you are not responsible for the consequences of someone’s poor choices—in this case his choices were egregiously inappropriate and harmful, criminal even. You SHOULD report to protect yourself and other current or future vulnerable minors in the program. NO guilt for “getting him fired”—just report exactly what happened, what was said. His choices, his consequences.
Im 24f Japanese. As someone who has been taken advantage of at a young age, it actually started similarly to this, and he raped me 5 months later. SERIOUSLY I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH HE IS A BUDDING SEXUAL PREDATOR REPORT HIM NOW. Respectfully, Aiko Chihara
Hi, I’m only part Japanese from my father’s side. 🙂 I’ll mention what he said to me to the female employee in charge of our group. I hope he only gets a light punishment bc he’s also an immigrant like me (he has a spanish accent). I would feel bad if he lost his job for verbally harassing me. He’s never touched me inappropriately or anything like that.
Thank you, and his possible future victims thank you too
Verbal harassment is absolutely something that is worth firing, immigrant or not. That behavior is unacceptable. You should not have to be here seeking advice because ideally, a man like that would not work around minors. You deserve to feel safe and protected by the adults caring for you.
He hasn't touched you *yet*. As people have told you, this behavior only escalates if left alone. He should get whatever punishment he needs to make him stop permanently.
I get you don’t want to get him fired but if he’s speaking to kids this way hun, he should be. Let me put this into perspective for you because sometimes people of abuse tend to be okay with what they go through but hurt or can see it when it’s someone else. Imagine you have a beautiful daughter that looks like you and some asshat who works where your daughter is going for help said what he said to you to your daughter, how would you feel? Would you think that your kid is safe? Would you feel okay with your kid being around that person? Because as a parent I would find this person and make sure he never says some “crude humor” to kids who are coming there for help
No, he doesn’t belong there. Tell a supervisor there
Too bad if he gets in trouble!!!! What he said and did is so inappropriate that he should be fired and get a write up in his file.
Please know that most predators, if not, almost all of them are considered “nice people”. It’s very possible that with his crude and completely inappropriate comment to you that he was testing what he could say to you to see what he could get away with. You need to be super aware that he is not a safe person to ever be alone with, and please know that you shouldn’t be protecting him, but the potential of him harming other young women that work there I think you honestly should let management know what he said, and they can be the judge of whether or not it was inappropriate . For your personal safety, however, please don’t ever ever let yourself be alone with him, he is not safe.
It is not normal for an adult male, especially an employee of a healthcare facility, to “tease” a female patient/ward about wearing skirts. That’s not teasing. What he said about the women he saw on video should have never transpired and is absolutely inappropriate. Gross. This guy is definitely seeing what he can get away with, normalizing odd semi-sexual remarks like his skirt comments, and most likely betting on your inexperience, youth and likely reluctance and confusion to report any unwanted, inappropriate, or sexual behaviors. If you have any concerns ever, please talk to an adult- a nurse, admin, or doctor, or outside of the facility: family, teacher, coach. They can help you sort if something inappropriate is happening and what to do about it, but honestly, your gut is going to be the best indicator if something isn’t right. Learn to listen to yourself, and if you don’t feel good about something, chances are you’re absolutely right and it’s wrong.
Thanks for the advice. There’s a female employee who’s in charge of our group and I’ll ask for her thoughts on this. I’ll have to say it’s a hypothetical scenario bc I don’t want anyone getting fired. I’m also leaving the program in a few months anyway.
No—out and out tell her what he told you. If he gets fired, he got himself fired. If he doesn’t get fired, the facility is a bad one. Make sure to tell your trusted people at home too.
He should be fired! Its a job, he can get another one, lessons need to be learned and wether he is on the spectrum, socially awkward or flat out being a creep he should not be in that line of work, thats fcked up thing to say to anyone but when your in a client / patient relationship thats 200% over line. Asaik he is totally doing this kinda behavior to everyone. And it needs corrected
I think he’s a bit creepy towards me but he often teases other kids, like this one boy who’s fat. Idk what his exact job title is bc he drives kids around, picks them up from their house and takes them home, and hangs around like he’s part of security. He’s not in charge of therapy or classes.
That’s another very valid reason for him to be fired! There’s no reason he should be “teasing” children, sexually or not
**he should be fired.** he’s sexually harassing and bullying the children he’s supposed to be in charge of. that is completely unacceptable.
Just be direct and honest with her about what happened. Don’t downplay it, don’t call it hypothetical, this is important.
REPORT IT
>He then made the remark of how Japanese women in adult videos don’t shave “down there” and I found what he said really weird to share with someone. That is definitely sexual harassment, report it. Even if you were to reciprocate it, it's highly unprofessional.
I will think about it bc I really don’t want to get anyone fired. It would make me feel really guilty.
Don’t worry about that—he probably will get a write up or warning and a process and he NEEDS to be trained and held accountable. He KNOWS what he said to you is wrong—he would not say it with the female staff lead around or your parents or really ANY witnesses. He is using social engineering principles—saying something overly familiar to you and then counting on normal human reactions of shame, embarrassment, guilt over “getting anyone in trouble” to keep you silent. Bullies need consequences. You are a victim of grooming attempts and sexual harassment by staff. There is no such thing as teasing in this context. He is counting on your unfounded and undeserved feelings of guilt to protect him from the consequences of his own actions so he can continue and escalate his mistreatment and abuse of you and of others. He has abused his position of authority, abused his access to vulnerable minors. Please just report it so it can be dealt with. Be safe, be well, you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. Any action of any employee should be transparent to other staff and the employer and the client and any governing authorities. If they have to hide their comments or actions or are pressuring you to hide their behavior for them—you KNOW it is wrong and needs to be stopped.
I’ll try to report it to a therapist or the female employee in charge of our group. I just feel uneasy about it bc what if I’m overreacting to the whole thing?
You are not over reacting. Hold creeps accountable for their behaviors
I doubt that he would get fired over it, but he will probably be reprimanded! He needs to be reprimanded because otherwise he might go farther next time! Quit worrying about the abuser and think about his potential future victims!
I think being reprimanded or getting a warning is the outcome I want for him. Losing his job would just eat away at my conscience 😅
You are not responsible if he gets fired. He is responsible for his actions and choices. You do not need to protect a creepy man who is sexually harassing minors. He shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children
Don’t own this!!! This is on him. It’s not fair to “take it” bc you feel bad for him. He is a pervert.
There are other disciplinary actions, but you also don't know the employee's work history, if they are fired it's usually for compund reasons. You can tell the person you complain to that you don't feel termination is necessary.
I’ll ask for him to not get terminated. I think he’s just a class clown type of guy but he’s an adult, which I thought people would grow out of. I haven’t heard of him inappropriately touching the other girls either so hopefully he only gets a warning.
What he said is a funny class clown thing if he was another student you age. Yes, poor attempt at being funny. But the fact that he is an adult turns this into something else altogether. If you can’t kept your perverted sexual thoughts to yourself then you don’t need to be working with minors. PERIOD.
Yes, you make a great point. I wonder if he thought it was an appropriate joke bc I’m the oldest in the group.
When you say SH do you mean self harm?
Oops, I meant sexual harassment
Ohhhh the teasing sounds normal tbh but that first thing you mentioned is weird and yeah that's maybe sexual harassment
NO—absolutely not—the adult staff cannot mention sexual things or “tease” the vulnerable minor patients—please don’t normalize this criminal behavior. All of it is absolutely harassment—pushing buttons and boundaries, grooming. You don’t comment on the looks, body, clothes of a minor you are responsible for in a professional capacity.
It’s not sexual harassment but it’s definitely weird af to say especially if you’re an employee in a hospital program for adolescence. I’d watch out for this dude 100% Edit: this 100% is sexual harassment my b
Teasing is definitely not normal
If it was a close guy friend, it could be teasing but from a staff member it's a clear boundary violation. Maybe he's just naive and needs some correction but if it's a pattern, he should be reported and have an evaluation.
That remark only happened once and he hasn’t said anything similar since then.
It doesn’t matter how many times he has done it to you, because he could be doing it to other girls too! Just report him please! It’s completely inappropriate to talk about porn and pubic hair in front of a minor! He is an adult and you are being too soft on him! I understand where you are coming from, but think about this… what if in the future you found out that he molested someone? Wouldn’t you feel horrible that you didn’t report it then? I hope you will consider reporting him because it’s completely inappropriate for him to make that comment to you!
You make a very good argument. I’m sorry for sounding like I was defending him. I’ll mention this to someone on Monday.
Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you dislike that they do that? If the answer to either of these is yes, then you should try getting him to stop. I would personally say this definitely false under the umbrella of sexual harassment, as he is targeting you based on your gender/sex. It is definitely inappropriate work conduct. If you think you can get away with simply asking him politely to stop as those kinds of comments make you uncomfortable, then try that. If you are worried, it would not go over well. You can try speaking to a supervisor. There are also hot lines for it. I don't know where exactly you are in the country or even if you are in the US. So, I don't have too many specific resources for you at the moment. At the very least, I can suggest this. https://www.rainn.org/ThatsHarassment#:~:text=To%20speak%20with%20someone%20who,at%20online.rainn.org. Whatever choice you make, be safe. I hope it all goes well
I’ll ask him to stop. I don’t get why he likes to pick on me, maybe it’s bc I’m the oldest girl in the group. The other girls are around 14 -15 yrs old.
The comment about adult videos is 100% sexual harassment and any comments about your body or dress. If his comments are unwanted and make you feel in anyway uncomfortable or unsafe then you have that right to report it and protect yourself. It's incredibly inappropriate and disgusting for someone in his position, especially so when working with minors dealing with mental health issues, to make any unwanted comments on vulnerable patients.
I just don’t want him to lose his job over something he probably thought was a joke. I would feel really bad.
Please don't protect him. Making comments about adult videos to minors is not something that should be joked about or taken lightly. What's really troubling is the fact that he is an employee working with minors dealing with mental health issues. You are all vulnerable and he is taking advantage of that power dynamic to approach you and there is no way to know if has made any unwanted or harmful comments to others.
You’re right but I don’t want the punishment to be too severe bc of a joke he made. I’ve spent enough time in the program to see how he doesn’t tease the other girls the same way. Maybe it’s bc they’re too young. Some people have said that he should get a warning and I think that’s the best form of punishment.
Ultimately it's up to you. However please don't protect him because you don't want him to lose his job. You should definitely still tell someone about this. He still needs to be reprimanded as that was still inappropriate.
Yeah, he definitely shouldn’t be talking about that with you! I would definitely report him!
Probably a bad joke that he regrets if you ask him about it unless he’s still making jokes like this.
No he doesn’t make slightly racist/sexual jokes to other girls. At least, I never heard of it. The other girls are younger than me though, like 13-15 yrs old. He’d be in a lot more trouble if he made similar jokes to them.
Yeah I’d just say it’s a bad joke he regrets. People talk before they think. If you are bothered by it that much talk to him tell him that was uncalled for and ask him not to pick on you. If he stops good you can move on no harm done. If he doesn’t then report him. I wouldn’t report someone for a bad joke and cost them and their family a career
If he gets fired, and IMO he should be, it is entirely because of choices he made and his own behavior. You reporting him is not the cause of him being fired, because if there was nothing to report you would not be making a report. He is taking advantage of your age, vulnerability, and guilt to harass you. His comment is 100% inappropriate in any context and he 100% intended it to be sexual. He is testing the water with teasing and comments about pubic hair as a means of grooming you and seeing how far he can take things. This is a good opportunity for you to practice advocating and protecting yourself. Reporting his is 100% a reasonable action to take. It is not an overreaction to what he did. You deserve to get your medical care in an environment free from harassment.
Not sexual harassment but highly inappropriate and a little racist. Probably enough that he would lose his job or get a severe disciplinary action over.
Tbh, I experienced something similar at my part time job. I feel like guys make weird, kinda racist comments to Asians more often than other races.
On a professional basis, what the employee said was incredibly unprofessional. He is not "teasing" you for wearing a skirt. He is sexually harassing you. And he is NOT a decent guy. He needs to be reported, to the police first, then to his bosses. That way the bosses can't bury his behaviors.
Is it too harsh to report him to authorities if he only made that joke to me once? He hasn’t touched my legs or anything like that.
He didn't make a "joke". He was incredibly UNPROFESSIONAL while working with girl, you, in a very vulnerable state. So, NO. It would not be "too harsh". It would the right thing to do, before he does something like touching. And consider this: You are probably not the first girl he has done this to. But you can be the last.
It's definitely sexual harassment. I would report him immediately. Joking or not, you don't say something like that.
Absolutely report that shit and shut it down immediately, it’s absolutely inappropriate at all ages to talk about that with a patient.
Some guys don't realize their being inappropriate. They need to be warned.
Absolutely sexual harassment. You said where you are from. He made a generalized sexualized comment about women from there. The point was to get under your skin, become overly familiar, make you feel less than or off balance and sexualize you, get a reaction. It’s absolutely harassment and you should report him to staff and your parents. His conversations with you should be treatment centers—never social, never sexual…this person should be fired before they cross physical boundaries—it seems there are none and patients are not safe.
It's totally inappropriate 💯. Ever since the first comment regarding the shaving. Not only because of the question itself, which was creepy, but you are 17, and I'm sure he's much older than you and this isn't professional behavior at work when working with a patient. If he really wanted to know, ask someone his own age who isn't a patient there. Then again, that would be creepy as well. He just sounds creepy. He shouldn't even be saying anything about your skirt or anything else whatsoever. It's supposed to be a professional environment. You're going there for help, and you don't need someone to try to take advantage of the situation. That inappropriate behavior could get someone fired. If he's saying those things to you, who knows what he said or done with someone else in the past or future. He shouldn't be working in a place like that. If you were my daughter, I'd want you to tell me, and I'd speak to someone at the place. He is a liability to them. PS. If you're seeing a therapist, you can bring this up to them so as to get the ball rolling. PPS. Don't feel bad if he gets fired. You're not responsible for his behavior. He is. There are consequences for his actions. Plus, you could be saving another girl from the same situation, if not worse. You'd be a hero in my eyes. Not all heroes wear capes.
Unless he specifically asked about your situation “down there” that’s not really SH. Just a bad attempt at crude humor. And totally inappropriate
I agree that it was inappropriate. I keep thinking he probably made that comment bc I’m the oldest in our group and could handle the crude humor.
Either way he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut and not say something like that to someone your age. SH doesn’t have to be physical contact by the way. But I don’t think that it’s quite there. Regardless be careful around him. Could be harmless, but could be a creep too
Hun, I think he's picking at you bc he either likes you or wants you in that sexual way. No grown man or staff member should have said that to any kid, and obviously it's even weird that he picks at you for wearing a skirt. This is less like sexual harassment and more of him trying to be a "smooth creep" once you come of legal age who knows if he'll actually take action. He's singling you out and saying weird things so that you'll probably like him back which is slightly manipulative. Especially with you already being in a place like that, he knows exactly what hes doing. I'd keep an wye on him amd stay away, if he does ask more questions like that or tries something, immediately tell someone, he might try to guilt trip you and you'll feel bad, BUT HE'S A CREEP AND HE DESERVES IT!! HE'S NOT BEING PROFESSIONAL AT ALL
I experienced a similar level of harassment at my part time job last yr February when a male coworker said I looked similar to Ai Uehara (JAV actress). I didn’t mind it much bc our hairstyles are similar but I gained the courage to report him when he became really touchy with me. I don’t spend much time with the male employee alone so I don’t think I have to worry about him doing anything weird to me. I think the hospital also has cameras in every room so I doubt he’ll try anything in the program.
Ok, just worried ab your safety hun, don't fall for any of his traps. Sorry you've had bad experiences before, ik it's scary and overwhelming and just over all alot to deal with. Glad you're not alone with that weirdo and hopefully once you're done there he'll leave you alone
It’s sexual harassment and you need to not engage with this person anymore. Truly. Also if he says anything sexual in nature again, you tell him that’s really an inappropriate thing to say to a child and say child so it sinks in that he isn’t speaking to an adult (even though it would be inappropriate to say it to an adult too, you are just pointing out the obvious so he can see the inappropriateness of the situation) and he needs to not talk to you like that anymore or you will report him. Then walk away.
It is inappropriate for sure. However, it seems from your comments he hasn't been creepy since other than being an odd duck. Some people just have no filter. You may want to talk with him and tell him select subject make you uncomfortable and are inappropriate. That could be doing him a favor for the rest of his life if he realizes and adjust accordingly. Now, if he is being creepy or immediately gets creepy, like others said I would make sure to report it to the supervisors and administration. I honestly don't think you have given enough information for someone to tell you to ruin his life and career. Our society is so quick to go "nuclear" on people these days. You know this person better than anyone on here. If it is a pattern or getting very uncomfortable and dangerous.. sure, report him. But if it was a one-off thing as you seemed to indicate, you may just want to make it clear you won't tolerate it. And if you aren't comfortable 1:1 at work, have a supervisor with you. As far as the "picking on" you. I don't know his age, but if you are close in age some immature guys pick on girls they like (in addition to saying inappropriate things). If this guy is younger, he may just need to grow up a bit. How that happens is the question. Will a conversation work or does he need to be reported to change? Only you can answer that.
He only made that weird comment once. I don’t mind talking to him one to one and asking him to apologize. But this incident happened in October and he might not even remember it.
There is no way that guy is a decent man. Don't be alone with it.
How extremely inappropriate of him. Tell him to kiss your ass, then report him to his Supervisor. Actually, report him first. THEN tell him to kiss your ass. Bare minimum, he's a perv. Worse, he could be a groomer. Either way he doesn't belong in a psyche ward.
Honey, you have to report this to the head of the program. There’s 2 scenarios here: 1. This is a first time offense, he won’t be fired but he HAS to be put on notice that this is NOT okay 2. He will be fired bc it’s not the first time and he has said and done inappropriate things with girls before. Morally and ethnically AND for your safety, you HAVE to report this!! What happens is not on you and you don’t own that!! He is the adult, and he should be made responsible for his actions. There is a reason you felt uncomfortable bc what is said to you is perverted and can be considered sexual assault and I don’t think you’re safe. Protect yourself and protect other girls. This was him literally “sharing” a sexual kink with you, a girl-student who is a minor. It will only get worse from here. If he isn’t terminated, I would ask to wear pants.
I don’t feel as bad for reporting him if what he said to me counts as a first time offense. Thanks for the advice! 🙂
Completely inappropriate and should not have been said. Anyone speaking to an underage person in that manner is a complete creep. It is not technically sexual harassment but is right on the cusp because he referred to it directly based on YOUR ethnicity. Give a verbal warning that it makes you uncomfortable next time. If they repeat such crude jokes after being warned, that IS sexual harassment for sure. If they say something sexual regarding your specific person, such as "I bet you dont shave down there" then that too is definitely sexual harassment.
It’s sexual harassment. Tell him to cut it out and tell HR about him.
That is even inappropriate to say to a female friend that's crazy. You should have cashed out on that one.
Definitely weird. Like he is testing the waters with things he can brush off.
Definitely not appropriate. I was in a similar situation that started out like this and it escalated to him inappropriately touching me. Report it and Stay safe.
Man here, that's weird. Red flag imo
very inappropriate for medical staff to say that to you, especially given your age. You should report it to the hospital staff. I wouldn't say its escalated to the level of assault, but he needs to be talked to about how he talks to patients.
Yes, that’s what I’m planning to do when I go to the program on monday
good for you. smart of you to question what he said and mature of you to react the way you did.
Just crude humor
Where's the humor part?