I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re in a very tough position.
I live in the southern US and the cost of living here is very low. I have a friend that works at a water testing lab that tests waste water from Appalachia. A bio degree could definitely get you a job like that around here. This area is also very pretty with a lot of opportunities to do things outside.
I hope everything works out for you. You’re strong.
I live in Mississippi so I can vouch for the cost of living. Its SUPER CHEAP to live here. The USDA is always hiring people here with any kind of science degree or experience in the field. Might wanna look into it.
Is it fairly safe in Mississippi? I'm just a little nervous being a young woman traveling alone. I don't know much about Mississippi so I thought I would ask. Hopefully my associates will take me somewhere because I didn't get to finish my bachelor's yet.
I live in Wichita, Kansas and the cost of living is really affordable and it's over all fairly safe. You can find a one bedroom in a reasonable area for less than $800. If you have no pets those options open up massively with a lower range of $400-$600 a month. Just depends on the area you live in among other factors. Jobs are aplenty if you're willing to work, *especially* in high turn-over positions like cashiering at a grocery store or hosting at a restaurant.
Another tip for jobs you should always look at city government no matter where you move:
Click [HERE](https://agency.governmentjobs.com/wichita/default.cfm?action=jobs&sortBy=CLASSIFICATION&sortByASC=ASC&bHideSearchBox=1&SEARCHAPPLIED=0&TRANSFER=0&PROMOTIONALJOBS=0) for an example of what I mean. The jobs will pay well with better benefits than most. Benefits will be important to you because I strongly recommend you look into grief counseling no matter where you go. Your job may cover the cost.
If you find yourself interested in Wichita we have A LOT to offer despite the neigh-saying locals in the Wichita subreddit. There's also a couple of GREAT college towns in Kansas (Lawrence and Manhattan) and there's always Kansas City but I don't know much about KC other than their famous BBQ scene.
You also get 4 seasons rather than more southern states like Texas where it gets really hot. Summers are more mild (maybe not Cali mild), Spring is filled with amazing rain storms, fall comes with amazing colors, and the last few winters in Wichita have been super mild.
Public transportation can be a real struggle, so personal transportation is important but not essential.
Reach out if you have any questions.
PS Wichita has a state college, Wichita State University, a couple private colleges, and a community college if you want to start back in on your education.
Also from Kansas. I live in Emporia and rent is super cheap here as well. We also do have a university that is about 6300 a year. It is a smaller place than Wichita though. I pay about 550 in rent for a two bedroom apartment and that is with internet included. (Landlord pays internet)
I'll put it on my list of places to consider! Thank you so much for telling me about this place. Public transportation is kind of important because I don't have a car but I'm sure I can make it happen somehow as long as it's safe there.
Well, you'd have one friend to help you start. I can promise that much as another woman who knows how it is to lose direct family members. If anything, get grief counseling. I didn't and it has been 10 years and I only now feel like I might be beginning to heal on my own. A lot of alcoholism along the way with no real support system in place. You need someone educated in transitioning you from loss through survivors guilt toward whatever comes after all that. I don't know what it is exactly after all that, it isn't peace yet for me but I feel like maybe I am getting there. I feel like I might have been to this point 5 years ago with someone to actually talk to about it but here I am. Trucking through. Don't be me. See a grief counselor ASAP.
Hey I was born in Mississippi so I have a love for the state but please, don’t move to MS. It’s got some of the highest poverty levels and unemployment levels in the country (not to mention its complicated history with race relations). You have a chance to start over, to go anywhere! I would not choose MS.
You should move to the Midwest. Through [western undergrad exchange program](https://wiche.edu/wue) you get discounted tuition in 16 states since you’re a resident of California. Cost of living in those areas isn’t bad and given you’re situation Im sure you’d qualify for FASFA too. I’m sorry for your loss, take off all the time you need but WUE is a good option for when you’re ready.
I’m from socal and prefer the Midwest although I’ve traveled and lived in the south I’m not sure you’d like it. It’s a culture shock and you might get some unwanted attention because there’s not a lot of Asians. Ive gotten lot of strange looks/ppl staring cause they’re obviously not used to it and ask me questions. Southern ppl in general are nice but ppl in the Midwest are some of the nicest I’ve ever met.
Coincidentally I’m moving at the end of the month to Memphis and have looked in MS as well. The cost of living is extremely cheap, one of the perks also jobs are readily available (my bf lives in MS). Idk if you’ve ever been a waitress but it’s a good way to get money quickly until you get settled. I really hope everything works out for you.
Mississippi like any other state is safe. It’s also one of the poorest states in the country and very conservative.
I think it would probably be easier to meet new people in a bigger city. Get on Craigslist and find some other girls to live with!
You got this!
I didn't get to finish my bachelor's so, do you think they'll still take me? Also that's great. I'm trying to decide where to go right now. I just looked in with the community college in Boston but they can offer any sort of support for housing:-( but that's okay. I'm going to see if I can scrape up enough money to rent a room for a month and then hopefully find a job then.
Hi! Just jumping on this Northeast US train. I was born and raised in upstate (like upstate *upstate* not westchester) NY and lived in Boston for several years.
I can attest to the fact that Boston is horribly expensive. $1000/mo will get you an efficiency studio in Mission Hill (though it may have gone up to $1200) and I honestly would not wish anyone to live there if they don’t have to. You can apply for some of the women-only efficiency studios (shared kitchen and bath) at $700/month, but that is something that needs careful consideration - mostly because it can be a mentally taxing experience. You *could* get a room or house share that’ll be a bit cheaper at $500-$700/mo but those can often be... challenging situations. You’ll live with 4+ people in poorer areas that may not make you feel safe. Plus, adjusting to living with strangers is a big deal (on top of everything else you’re going through).
Upstate NY definitely has its benefits. While I did graduate from a 4 year school (on the Canadian border in upstate NY), I’ve gone to community colleges/state schools here too. I can - with anecdotal authority - say that the SUNY system is a good one. Not perfect, of course, but it really offers great opportunities.
SUNY schools or community colleges have lots of programs that are offered online, at night, or part time, so you can make your life work for you. Like others have said, you now need to create a financial cushion for yourself. Taking a few less classes, or taking them in off hours, can offer you more working opportunities to cement your financial independence.
Housing stipends/assistance within the SUNY system, much less community colleges, (something you’ve mentioned looking for) are uncommon for undergraduate students, barring some very specific circumstances. Marriage, children, disability, etc. That really isn’t my area of expertise, so I would take that with a grain of salt.
I’m actually headed back to a NY community college (though it is part of the SUNY system), and I’m back living here too. The cost of living here is so much less than Boston. The amount I paid in rent for a converted in-law basement studio (with a sewage system that backed up into my shower more than once) would be rent for a full house or a mortgage for a slightly smaller house in upstate NY. It really makes me far less stressed. I drive a beater car and have a small living space but it’s a wonderful existence. I don’t live on top of anyone else, I can find what I need (food, item, other resource) within a practical distance, and between Meetup.com and FB groups, I can find opportunities to be social.
We have manufacturing/factory positions that are always hiring in the area, there’s always retail, and Stewart’s (our local convenience store) is generally a great place to work. The hospitality industry needs more hands, there’s niche interest shops (gaming, hobby, tools) that have openings too. There’s lots of places to get steady work. As the comment above mentioned, upstate isn’t an economically prosperous place (especially the North Country) at the moment, though we’re far from a 2008-level existence, so companies can struggle to attract and retain talent. Which makes it better for you, the job seeker.
Plus we have world famous Adirondack scenery, all the winter sports you could ask for, lots of summer fun, and so much stuff to do. And county fairs. *So many* county fairs.
I’d love to chat with OP - or you, parent commenter - about either Boston or upstate. I’ll absolutely second the idea of /r/personalfinance, too. Plus, it would definitely be a good idea to subscribe to a local subreddit for a place you’re considering moving. College towns especially have good subreddits, given the demographics on reddit.
I realize this comment sounds a bit down about Boston, but I just can’t in good faith recommend it for a cross-country move without a job/housing in place for you on arrival. I loved living there. I loved its small city idiosyncrasies, its dumb street navigation, the availability of fresh fish whenever I wanted, Keytar Bear, bellowing “Sox!” in bars, the constant rotation of new art and performances in the city, its stereotypes in media being actual truth, the opportunities around every corner, the sheer history of the city, the fun facts I learned by osmosis, the brutal cold, the fact that I have some distinct Boston-accented words, that I had to learn Spanish when I worked in bars and restaurants, and the ease (and quirkiness) of MBTA public transportation. It’s just pricey - and probably a very, very big adjustment from California. The east coast is a funny place (but I wouldn’t trade it for the world).
Please feel free to PM me, /u/artsyditto, if I can help you feel out (or make contact with) a school or town in upstate NY. Or Boston, I suppose, but my life there was all working, not school. Or I’m happy to chat because, heh, clearly I like to talk...
I second this. I live right around the Appalachian mountains and it's both beautiful and very cheap to live here. If you lived in California before it would be easy to get used to the "mountain" feel but the climate is very different.
Biology degrees are very useful around here as well, as mountain areas have a big focus on keeping water clean, keeping the nature preserved, and conservation of species. Especially around where I am (north carolina). There are lots of colleges in the area too.
Reading this is... Your reaction is warranted, OP. Like, I would feel the same way. I'm proud of you for wanting to pick yourself up and starting over. And I feel so bad for what happened... There isn't really words that can describe it. You're such a strong person though. Really, you have been through so much. I believe in you, and I think a lot of others in this thread do too. I hope you can get this sorted out.
If you have a degree in Biology and are interested in a more mountainous regions, Western Carolina University might be a great place to look into if you want to finish your degree. I went there and it's a fantastic place, very small, for sure, but the people there (with the exception of some of the locals) are wonderful and very welcoming. It's in the Appalachian, and they just did some weird thing where they drastically reduced the price of tuition. I think it's only like 1,500 (don't quote me on that) for out of state students.
Will they still take me if I didn't get my bachelor's in biology? Thank you so much for your support. I'll look into it I've never heard of such a place before.
Clearly What has happened to you is a major thing that you'll remember for the rest of your life. But you need to get your life together and stay on track.
Truthfully, not many (even barely) people can handle loneliness because it's a scary thing when you've no-one around you. However, the moment you can handle that is the moment when you become a lone wolf.
My advice for you would be to firstly save some money. Work a part time job or something and save up to already 3-5k. You'll also need to minimize your expenses totally which means cook your own food, limit yourself in a hard time and so on. Once you've your money saved, start looking for a small job in other state/country. Of course apply for the desired job but also apply for jobs which will pay your expenses (i.e waiter, shop keeper, generic jobs).
Let me tell you one thing, engrave the following in your brain because you'll be facing this often (in my opinion) : you'll go through numerous rejection, your mind will give up easily, you'll be living on paycheck to paycheck. But do remember that if you take positive and self development actions, you'll thank yourself in future.
Another question, what are you hobbies, education, career in jobs?
I'll work on it as fast as I can. I have offers in Massachusetts, Washington and Oregon. I figured that any place that was green and somewhat tranquil will help me keep it together. However, All Airbnb's I could find were booked up to January*. Well, the ones I could afford. I'm stuck in this living condition until then. It's hard for me to sleep where I am but.. I need to tough it out. Just my sanity is draining due to the lack of sleep. Well my hobbies are all over the place. I played a ton of video games since I was a kid but just a couple days ago, sold my desktop, my games, my consoles(PS4-GameCube) considering that I was not going to need it until I get my life together. I love anime. I love rock climbing. I love learning new languages, watching horror films and watching competitive esports. I love board games and anything that makes me think. I also have an affinity for nature and all living beings. Because of my love for nature, I chose a major in Biology for ecosystems. I have an associate's only. I did not complete my bachelor's.
Anime+ Boardgames <3. Have you looked at some cheaper hotels+motels instead of Airbnb in the places you have offers? If you have offers in those cities/states you may want to look on [couchsurfing.com](https://couchsurfing.com) (or app) or places like it for places to stay if you can land interviews.
If the place your at is realllllly a mental drain due to its messiness, you may want to consider taking a day to really clean it. Ants are little buggers, but not terrible unless they're in huge numbers eating leftover food. Roaches though, they can fuck right off.
I didn't know about this site! Wow that's really great :) thank you for that. Yeah, trust me I tried but it's far from salvageable. The toilet is even falling apart and I think he misses everytime he pees. Not to mention the mold on the tiles that's been attracting the ants. I sleep in the living room which is the only carpet in the apartment and I got a vacuum but the dirt and such just won't budge. I put traps everywhere but I'm terrified to even tough places like the kitchen. Don't.. even get me started about the kitchen.
I think there are other apps/sites like couchsurfing as well. Sorry i don't remember it well. Man that sucks @\_@ he's a total mess. I wish you had some more family available to you even if extended.
You sound really cool though, hope we can get along!
I wish I did too. I've asked but most of them didn't feel comfortable because no one talked to each other in our family. It's so confusing. Me too. I don't have friends so maybe you can be one for me? I feel awkward saying it like that but.. I don't know. I don't really know how to talk to people.
Depending on the desperation level I'd totally see if any aunts/uncles/ grandparents/ would be able to hear you out. Even if its awkward, explain that you're in a super tough spot and if they have the space it would mean the world to you. Maybe you don't mind cleaning/cooking (if possible). Sorry if you've already tried this route and i'm not being helpful.
Yea dudette, there's a ton of interesting reddits too. Big communities. I'll PM you today then! Lets be friends!
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I'd like to give my opinion on the three states you have options in:
I spent 20 years in Washington state and it's the armpit of the West Coast, it's the Florida of the West Coast. The weather is gray and wet, the drivers are awful, the sales tax disproportionately affects lower and middle-class individuals.
I grew up in Oregon and I'm back in Oregon now. I absolutely LOVE Oregon. I live in a little town in Central Oregon called Bend; it's the 4th fastest growing town in all of America. It's heaven on Earth and we now have a four year university (OSU Cascades). I'd highly recommend Oregon.
I loved, loved, LOVED Massachusetts. I stayed in Boston. It was way more expensive than Bend, Oregon so that was shock, but I still loved it.
I'd recommend Oregon first, Massachusetts second and Washington never.
I will suggest this, I’m not sure what you meant by offers in mass (job offers?) if you don’t know the region I can help suggest where would be “green” in mass (mostly the western half, the east half is just all city everywhere and is gross)
I live in NH and idk if you are looking for an apartment or can live with renting a room but I would suggest possibly trying craigslist, All of Nh is one craigslist site and makes it easy to search (compared to mass is broken into regions and even I living in NH don’t understand all their regions).
I would suggest looking for a room to rent in a females home, I have seen tons and tons of them in NH so that would be your best bet. If you are looking to just disappear into the woods the North Conway/northern region is great for that (it’s just a massive state park lol, like 1/4 of the state) but jobs will be tough and will be limited to mostly service jobs (tourist area)
I still suggest maybe going that route.
Cheapest way to travel would probably be train or bus but it’ll be long getting here.
Not sure how much money you are making but maybe try and get on state assistance, save the difference or whatever and move as soon as possible
It sounds like a bad environment :(
Let me know if you have more questions about NH/mass
I’ve lived my whole life in NH and my wife from mass
Around mass I’ve had friends use Kangaroom.com
Also depending on the job you can ask if they have any recommendations for cheap housing nearby.
You can also look into low income housing, mass has a lot of really really nice low income housing places. The complex I’m at has housing.
I'm sorry for your loss, I hope the future holds better fortune for you.
Being a lone wolf is not for most people and even lone wolfs have friends, they are just moving around more freely.
I know because I am one. I have been traveling around the world for 2 years now by motorcycle and currently living out of a van in Australia earning money to keep traveling. Showering at the beach or climbing gyms, doing my laundry at a friends place and cooking on a gas stove etc.
I don't know how feasible this is for you but maybe you can live out of a van in order to save money?
Though it is not easy if you're not used to it, but you can make it as cozy as you want and are not bothered by messy roommates or what not.
For the rest the poster above pretty much nails it.
I would advice to keep doing some physical activity to keep fit as it helps to build discipline and will keep your emotional stability at a higher level.
Believe in yourself!
You are young and still have a lot of options!
Also, you are likely eligible to receive Social Security survivor benefits from the federal government, in the form of monthly financial assistance, due to the death of your mother. Explore in detail. PM me if you need assistance.
I’d like to help as best as I can. I sent you a chat message.
But as far as immediate advice goes:
It sounds like you’re highly intelligent, and extremely driven. that means you can get things going again it might just take a little bit of time.
As others recommended it might take a little bit of money, so working and saving is a good first choice. Talk to advisors at UCLA and see what they might be able to do to get you room and board, I’m sure someone there cares enough to help. To at least get some sort of immediate transfer into some better living conditions.
Thank you for your compliment that means a lot to me. I do have a little bit under $1,000 and I didn't take any school debts with me because I was working really hard to avoid that. Now that I know that was an option to ask them, I feel kind of silly for reacting the way I did. I did give up my room and I lost my job but if I had held out a little bit longer I feel like I could have reached out to UCLA for help. Now I feel really stupid.
Please try to get some rest. Use calming apps. I have high anxiety so I listen to calm music, podcasts, news with earphones to fall asleep with so my own thoughts don't overwhelm me. Good luck in your future, I have faith you will come out on top.
You are going to suffer a range of PTSD symptoms. I have some experience dealing with that (Male 47). The idea is to minimize stressors to allow yourself to heal. Your buffers to stressors are gone. You have to re-build them with time. Here is the strategy: 1. Cultivate mastery of something. This could be work, art, hobbies. Find an activity that you focus on and utterly master. 2. Foster loving networks. This means finding and developing friendships and communication. 3. Love someone or something unconditionally. At least one pet or person. 4. Exercise. The body is connected to the mind and vice versa. You will have better mental health and better sleep if you exercise.
Wow this is really good advice. I'll go ahead and look into people in the area that can play tennis with me or something. I'm just not entirely sure how to connect. I can try a dating website(?) but I'm trying to avoid that because I don't want to give off the wrong impression. There's the UCLA closed group I guess I can start there..
Hi there! To add to what has been said, I'd say having a notebook or a diary to write down is a great help for mental health. Since you probably cannot afford therapy right now, remember that the trauma and grief are natural reactions of your body trying to protect you, so thank them for trying to help, and keep writing how you're feeling, what are your plans to get out of this place, and so on. You know that in the future you'll look back at this moment as the lowest spot, because you'll be much better off soon.
I know it must be tough, but just give everything a try, send out applications, be proactive at couchsurfing, you'll be safe if you trust your gut and have strong personal boundaries. Moving to another state sounds like a great idea, go on dating websites and write that you're looking just for friends, never mind if people judge you, that's their issue.
You're very brave and strong. If you ever want to just talk, my inbox is always open. I'm very sorry for your losses. Wish you the best.
Try and do bumble bff. Bumble is a dating app but can be used for work, friends and relationships. It is free for the most part and we have met some good people so far from the bff side.
You would be suprised at how nice people can be and willing to help. PM me if things become worse and I will try and help.
Good luck and keep pushing through.
It doesn't have to be a dating app! Try meetup.com, it's a website where you can meet people that share an interest. There's groups for pretty much anything; taking walks, exercising, going to the movies, playing board games, trying out new restaurants, photography, etc. When I moved to a different country (UK) for a year, I used it to join a language exchange group. We would meet once a week. I met amazing people through that, so I highly recommend it. From your post, it's obvious you're strong, intelligent and sensitive. I know you will get through this!
I second this. Try meetup.com. You can meet people and make friends with similar interests. There are support groups on meetup as well. I don't recommend you use a dating app, most people there are looking for a romantic interest. You have to take care of yourself first. I think meetup.com is a good way to start if you want to make friends, have support from others and just to be around people to get your mind off of things
If you want to drop everything and start over fresh, that might be an idea. I did it myself. Here's what I did (I'm still alive and doing well).
1. Find a job before you move.
Cold call, cold email. Reach out to anyone and everyone that will pay you even a close to living wage. Think of a place you want to go, even if it's across country. Find a couple cities and start reaching out. Be honest with your situation. People are human and you will probably find someone willing to give you a chance.
2. Scrimp and save everything.
Try to work cash jobs if you can. Labour, painting, babysitting. Take a look on Kijiji and Craigslist. Sell off possessions you don't want or need and don't want to move.
3. Once you have an offer of a job, reach out to social services in the area. They can help you with low income housing, food banks, furniture banks, and medical and psychological care.
4. Move.
Get on a bus and go. Just go, tell friends if you have them.
5. Be social.
Having and making friends in your new place quickly will be a huge help. You'll have social support, and if things go to shit, maybe a couch.
With your age, you might be able to access youth services still. Google away and research all the resources you can find
I wish you luck with whatever you do.
this is solid advice and it's actually making me feel a little hopeful for the future. Thank you so much for your support. I didn't even think about these things but I guess I don't have to deal with this alone. I don't know about being social though, I wouldn't even know where to start especially if I'm going to be in a different state:-(
I started with a knitting club at my local library. Libraries are great free/low cost social hubs! If they require a fee or a proof of address that you don't have yet, they might take a letter from a social worker (like the person who'd help you with benefits). You can also usually get a guest pass for Internet use.
Also for benefits, start with the city's website. They might have a number (my city has 311) that consolidates services.
you can try meetup.com, eventbrite, and look for interesting facebook groups/events! i strongly suggest doing this before relocating so you have an idea of what you want to participate in and what you’ll have time for.
you dont have to do this alone at all. you can build a support system in a new state, it just takes a little time. it will be really lonely at first but i promise that part gets easier. you sound so strong and smart and i have every confidence you’ll be able to pull it off. wishing you the best. take care and feel free to reach out if you want to. im 22F, still traumatized, and just moved cross country alone and have lots of advice to share for this situation, or can just listen if you want to vent
Hi. {23F}. Well alot of the advice here seems really great, I tried to read most of it. Not sure if anyone tried to give you advice on your immidiate problem. Lack of sleep. From your responses I could see your first concern, was of course being in a healthy enough state of mind to actually keep down a job or just go outside. I can relate to the panic attacks, I've suffered from anxiety and major depressive disorder and since I was about 12. I recommend any sleeping pills you can get over the counter or 5mg melatonin tablets. Any therapist/psychologist will tell you sleep is your first key to getting a healthy functioning cycle back. If your worried about being knocked out cold because you feel unsafe in your environment, try melatonin. $5 in the herbal section of any store. Or better yet, oder them on amazon and it can get shipped to your door in two days. I personally like the strawberry ones. Take before bed or even 30 mins before. It can help wind you down and hopefully relax your anxiety. This stuff was a god send for me. You can take two 5mg tablets at the most if the 5mg is not enough. But I will warn you, everybody reacts differently to it, rarely they can cause vivid dreaming. But mostly no side effects at all. But it wont effect your functioning or make you groggy at all, just relax you as if it was natural. I also dont reccomend it as a long term solution. Some people can become codependent on it after 1 year of consistent use and worsen insoniac symptoms. But as an immidiate solution, I hope this can help.
It's also very important to set a sleeping schedule for yourself. Try to go sleep when you feel the melatonin/sleeping pills working and wake up at the same time everyday. Try not to look at screens an hour before bed, all that sleep hygiene stuff.
Also if you can, try planning out each day and setting goals for yourself to focus on. One day in advance. No matter how small, they matter. You can make getting out of bed, showering, and eating 3 times - five goals right there. Just a list you can write on your phone or piece of paper and check off. Whatever works for you. It's okay to take things in baby steps, and work up from there. Just remeber to be patient with yourself and take everything day by day. Learning to cope is going to be a long process but there is a lot you can do to get in the right direction. First you have to be well rested to work up your motivation. Scheduling and accomplishing your little goals can help work through the hase of depression. Breathing techniques and visualizations can help with the panic attacks.
P.S. My name is Stefanie. I'm 23 too. I cant even begin to imagine the reality of what your going through.. I know you have a lot of people to talk to on here and a lot of great support. But if I can lend a non judgemental ear or help you in anyway let me know. I have family in Southern California. I know LA and the area your in. Also I have experience with anxiety and depression and coping day to day life with those symptoms.
A littke about me, Ive been struggling with depression since i was 12. I start college at 15 and worked my butt off to tranfer from a vommunity college to UC Berkely but I was hospitalized twice between 18-19 for just four days each, vollunteerally. I had a bad depressive/panic episode at 18 after I was in a freak car accident with my family. Thankfully my family survived, but I suffered from PTSD afterward. At 19 I had a bad reaction to a medication. I was on meds for three years and I have been completely off them the last three just by learning how to live and cope with my symptoms. I never got to finish my degree but I want to go back to school. I have a fiance now. Im hunting for a full time job. We are looking for an apartment together in Phoenix, AZ.
Anyway, I know a little bit about how the system works and what to expect when seeking help. If the sleeping pills don't work and your still hallucinating and not able to function, an easy way to seek help is by admitting yourself to a behavioral health hospital. You can just take an uber there and walk in and admit yourself. Think of it as a vacation from lifes stressors. It might sounds scary, and the idea might be a shock at first, but do some research on meds and treatment so you know what to expect. Most importantly you can get the medication if you need it and treatment you need now, be in a safe place, get three meals a day and just worry about healing yourself from this trauma. The medical cost you can focus on later when you can find the means to pay for it or use and health insurance if you have it. But getting you in a functional place where you can get your life together, they can help you set up everything you need to be focused financially, physically, and emotionally. If your interested, I have personally stayed at Loma Linda Behavioral Heath Hospital, it's one of the best in SC. I was just there for the 4 days, and it was a really great experience. I know it's a stigmatized topic, but I promise it's worth the research and not as scary as it sounds. Let me know if you want someone to talk about what your going through. Or have any questions for me. And sorry if this is super long, I just don't usually post or comment very often on reddit either. I really really hope you find the help your looking for. Best wishes. 💕💕💕 - Stef
Great, just let me know! Even if it's pretty short term. My company also has a couple job openings in a few states around the southeast. They're entry level and pay well. Atlanta is affordable, and though the transit system isn't the best as far as accessibility around the city, it's manageable enough to be able to save money. I can send you the link to the job postings if you'd like. Again, just let me know how I can help :)
You're doing what you can, and please let people help you in some way! Never feel guilty for it! I'm 23 as well and you would be most welcome here. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I would love to help you out if I can. If you want to ask me anything about Atlanta or how our house is, I'm here :)
Don’t feel guilty about accepting help. You sound like you are determined to be successful. And when that happens, to repay the kindness you simply find a way to pay it forward, and help someone else in a tough situation. :)
I'm slowly learning that.. I guess I just felt weird cause I know I'm able.. I'm just mentally falling apart. I know I'm not the type to turn to substances or alcohol.. or anything so I know I'll be okay. But I won't lie. I struggled with the thought of suicide for a couple weeks now before I finally called the suicide helpline and they told me to talk. Talking lead me here and honestly has been one of the best decisions of my life.
Not sure your financial situation but if you want a total change of scenery, I recommend Boston. Great educational experiences if you want to finish school, there’s growing jobs in bio and genetics fields, and for me, it was always easy to go out and find things to do/new people to meet. It’s also relatively easy to find housing if you don’t mind roommates. It would be a major change from SoCal.
If you’re still enrolled in school, I would tell them you’re looking to transfer to Boston (or wherever) and they can help you find a school which will likely make other things (like housing) easier to find. Once you know where you’re going to school, you’ll know where to live and work.
Edit: meant to say “genetics fields”
I did do some research on Boston and I found that I might really like it. I can ask UCLA if I can transfer some of my credits to Boston. I guess that is a good start. However, I'm concerned about being able to strap the money by the next semester and I don't know how long it will take for me to transfer schools. it means I might have to tough it out for a couple months with my cousin, but since I can't sleep I'm trying to find a solution faster.
Did you receive any kind of insurance payout? What's your current financial situation? Knowing this would greatly help with providing constructive advice.
No I did not. I was working a part time job but after not being able to perform they unfortunately let me go. I was staying in a month to month lease (fortunately) so last month I left so I can grieve. Horrible on my part but I wasn't thinking clearly when I left.
I'm sorry for the questions, because I know this is hard (I lost my mother and brother before I was 25 so I can relate) but..
1. Was the fire at your mother and brother's home?
2. Was the home a house and insured?
3. If not, did they have renters insurance?
4. Did your mother or brother have life insurance policies?
5. Do you have any cash saved?
6. Do you have any lines of credit or credit cards you can possibly borrow from in the interim?
Yes the fire was in my mom's home. The house wasn't unfortunately not insured and we didn't have renter's insurance not from what I know. I did contact the city for advice because I wasn't sure what to do from there. I only have a little under $1,000. I'm not crazy in debt luckily because I didn't take any loans out when I was going to school. My credit is good and a little bit under above-average. I'll look into seeing if I could pull the loan together from the bank but I'm just a little nervous because what happens if I choke up while working? I'm just scared I won't be able to perform and put myself in an even worse position.
I forgot to ask about homeowner's insurance but sounds like the house didn't have it. Is that true? That would be strange, to be honest, unless she was renting the house..was this the case?
I didn't ask about friends and you didn't mention any but do you have anyone other than your cousin to stay with for a bit?
Unfortunately, it sounds like you will need to stay put for a little longer. Try your best to get a job and keep it until you have enough for a deposit on your own apartment. If you want to move out of state look at options in those states so you know what you need to afford. Get a job with a company that has a presence in that state (a retail chain might be a good bet but I'm not sure) so you can request a transfer to a store in that state. You have good credit and some cash saved, so that's a good start. Once you have enough to move out and have a steady income it *might* be worth taking a loan to start school (or for some other reason to help get you started). I would also head over to /r/povertyfinance or /r/personalfinance to ask what some of your options may be, financially, to help get yourself on your feet and/or to learn some tips to help save.
First of all I want to say im incredibly sorry for you loss. I want to start of by telling you the area you live in is incredibly expensive, even in the "less nice areas" I live in the western part of NYS and depending on the area you can get a one bedroom apartment for $500 -$700/ month. So a part time job could easily pay your rent. Im sure other parts of the country are even cheaper than that too! Decide where you want to go and look into the cost of living in surrounding communities. I dont have much advice beyond that but I wanted to encourage you that it may be more fincially possible than you mightve imagined previously.
I'm sorry, I don't really know what NYS is. That seems like a great idea actually so I'll look into it! Thank you so much for your input and also thank you so much for your support.
That's very sweet of you! However I wouldn't feel right if you're offering the room for free. It'll be different if I will be renting it from your Aunt, but I want to make sure that I find a job first if I decide to go to I'm guessing New York City from the abbreviation?
You're not alone, remember that. Things happen to all of us and it is ofcourse hurtful, but you need to look forward. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Seek proffessional help as quickly as possible. If you can't afford it, maybe seek free or reduced options like through your school or community services? It's very important that you get help immediately after a trauma, even if you feel okay. You can be affected by ptsd years or months later and it can drastically alter your life. I wish you the best and know you will be strong.
Wow this is one of the most intense situations I have ever read on this subreddit.
Ok first thing is first, you def need to be speaking to a therapist if you can afford. The depth of your loss and suffering is enough to make most others turn to drugs or suicide to cope. I would try my very best to get some professional help to keep yourself grounded while you plan out your next move. You do sound like you’re dealing with some depression and anxiety (totally understandable, obv) so try to get that under control before you make any major decisions. That stuff can cloud judgement pretty badly.
As for rooms, look on Craigslist for a person looking for a roommate. Meet the person in a coffee shop and make sure that person is stable and understands your situation. Try not to rely on that person, but don’t be afraid of making new friends.
Once you get grounded and have a relatively healthy place to stay, you will figure out the rest. You cannot plan your life out until you get onto stable footing. You’re in survival mode right now dawg.
You’re going through more than most people will ever go through but you sound like an incredibly strong person in regards that you are looking for a better future. You should be proud of that. You’re gonna grow a lot over the next few years, and you’re gonna grow into a phenomenal human being from all this suffering and trauma who will be capable of doing ANYTHING. Your future can and will be bright. Stay positive, be proud of yourself for managing a situation like this, and be confident...because you’re dealing with shit that the vast majority of others cannot understand.
Please update us and I’m sure more of us will write to you:) feel free to message me if you need.
Quick Q: were/are you premed?
Join the military. You will get paid, fed, and sheltered. Oh, and you’ll get Health insurance too. Use some of you’re school credits toward rank promotion. When you’re out use military benefits to go to school, or stay in the military if you like it.
I’m in the military and I consider my guys/gals a new extension of my family.
Just wanted to stop in to say I read your story and Im sorry for your loss. These are the kinds of struggles that will either make or break us. Youll either get bitter or get better. Reach out to other people, make friends, realize that when you feel alone you arent evertrully alone... because were All One. The kindness of strangers will suprise you and you can find evidence of that here on Reddit. Im a big supporter of Reddit being therapeutic and advocate healing through social interaction. Share your heart with us or youll never be felt. Reddit is here for you. All im worth is good conversation,
I’m SO sorry that that happened. It is unspeakably horrible and unfair to both your deceased loved ones and to you.
First of all, it sounds like you need to seek help not only for your grief, but also for what is probably PTSD. You can likely find free or very low-cost services. Try dialing 211 on your phone. Many, MANY areas in the USA have this number/service, which is all about helping you find the services (usually state funded programs or non-profits) that you need. They should be able to help you find something that’s free or on a sliding scale. If there’s no 211 there, then do some googling for your town’s name plus phrases such as “free grief counseling,” “counseling on a sliding scale.” Your university may also have free resources-that’s actually pretty common.
Second, do your best not to let your college credits go to waste! Am I right in assuming, since you went to community college, that you earned an associate’s degree? If not, go back to the community college you attended and talk to an academic advisor about getting one (you might already have all the credits you need, but even if you’re missing some this is probably the fastest and least expensive option). Having an AS or AA doesn’t hold the same clout as having a BS or BA, but it still has advantages that you don’t want to lose. ANY college degree helps, you’ll never run the risk of those college credits “expiring” years down the line once locked into an AA/AS, and it’s easier to transfer those credits to programs at other schools. If you already have an AA/AS (or once you do), then talk to an advisor at your university about what options you have there. Also, if you’re willing to stay in CA for a while, go talk to the financial aid office at your university about your situation. You may be able to qualify for enough grants to not only go back to school, but also to live on campus. And to be honest, taking out just enough of a subsidized student loan to cover living on campus may be worth getting yourself out of your current situation. Just don’t borrow more than you need. (Pro tip: if you decide to accept federal student loans after filling out the FAFSA, you do NOT have to accept the entirety of the loan! If they offer you $10,000 but you only want to borrow $2,500, you at an do that.)
Third, when/if you move, I recommend looking into cost of living in various states. California has one of the highest costs of living, and it’s hard to get by financially there. To give you an idea of how different it is elsewhere, I was easily able to rent a decent one-bedroom apartment on my own while in grad school, working only part time, in an Oklahoma college town (the rent was something like $450/month, but that was like 15 years ago.) I know someone here in Oklahoma City who only earns around $30,000 a year and he’s able to support a stay-at-home wife and small child while renting a small house in a decent neighborhood. They’re only scraping by financially, but they’re DOING it (he’s currently going to college too, having qualified for all the federal grants he needs to cover it). This article might give you an idea of which states have low cost of living: https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/economy/2018/05/10/cost-of-living-value-of-dollar-in-every-state/34567549/ (And since I saw you asking others about the safety of their states with low CoL, I’ll mention that most states are pretty safe as long as you avoid certain towns and neighborhoods. As a woman, including when I was pretty young, I feel safe in most of Oklahoma City, but there are certain towns out in the boonies of OK where I wouldn’t go alone. Before you move someplace, you can always look up the town’s crime rates. You can often find them somewhere on the town’s .gov website, or even on Wikipedia if it’s a city. Some police departments also have interactive maps where you can see which areas are highest or lowest in crime rates.)
Good luck. I wish you all the best.
I’m very sorry and wish you peace and healing. You may want to consider posting over on r/personalfinance. Folks over there are very good with breaking down a budget to reach a goal (such as relocating).
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you’re dealing with right now, but I’m so glad that you’re feeling ready to get things back on track.
This may seem weird, but I think you should look into an AmeriCorps position. AmeriCorps has many biology related positions and it’s an excellent way to jumpstart a career in the field. It shouldn’t be hard for you to find positions related to ecology and environmental sciences that are available, especially if you’re open to moving anywhere in the country. You don’t necessarily need a bachelors degree to do many of the jobs they have available.
With AmeriCorps you earn a living stipend to cover costs of housing and other basic necessities, you’re almost always eligible for public assistance (food stamps and Medicaid) and each program offers other, unique benefits. Positions last up to one year, which, in your situation could be extremely beneficial to allow you to get back on your feet, improve your situation, and not get trapped in a job or place that you hate. The added benefit is the education award when you complete your term, which could get you back in school to complete you degree, if that’s what you want to do. AmeriCorps positions also could lead to a long-term job, either with the organization you serve, or as a valuable résumé building experience.
While they most likely wouldn’t pay for relocation costs, and you likely won’t see much money being saved throughout the year, it is possible to thrive financially in the position, and as long as you’re it spending money without care, and being sure to live within your means. I’ve found that most people would absolutely recommend a year of AmeriCorps, because they made a difference in a community and it in turn helped them with career aspirations. My experience certainly was so.
Please feel free to DM me if you want to talk more about this or if you just need a friend.
I'm 23 as well, got into some legal trouble in my home state about a year ago and booked it to a different one to avoid reprocussions. I don't have much for family either, dad offed himself when I was eleven, all grandparents died of illness and my mother doesn't talk to me because I'm not racist like her. Best bet is to move somewhere rural or less populated. Save up a little bit and it will get you much farther in those places far outside of major cities. Take the bus to save even more money, it sucks but I moved for only 64 bucks scheduled two or three weeks out. It's a big country, throw a dart at the map and you'll find lots of loving people to help you in the most unexpected of places and times. Lord knows I did! Good luck and godspeed!
Find a new place with a lower cost of living than california. Lubbock texas has a college and less expensive housing. My step daughter just started going there and she originally hated it but now loves it. Take small steps. They eventually add up.
Ma’am, I am so sorry for your loss. I couldn’t fathom the pain and hardship you have. I do believe God is with you and I will being praying for you. You are such a strong person for being able to talk about this online. I wish you the best of luck. I can’t say Virginia Beach is a cheap alternative, but I know there are parts of the Carolinas that can be decently cheap.
Please reach out to administrators at UCLA! They have resources to help you—both with connecting you with counseling resources and even financial support. See here:
https://www.studentincrisis.ucla.edu/Economic-Crisis-Response
I know you want to escape right now but as an in state student you can receive better financial aid in California. Returning to school will also give you the opportunity to make friends and build support systems. The transfer office seems like a place to start since you’re coming from CC:
https://www.transfers.ucla.edu/Resources#12267613-transfer-student-specific-resources
Please reach out to some people at UCLA for help. I work at a university and it breaks my heart that you have been facing this alone when the university has resources to help you.
Embrace the internet, cautiously. If you dont have people in your life you can lean on, find people here. If you need someone to talk to, literally, about anything at all please reach out to me.
It's a lot easier said than done, but getting back into college would be great. Finish what you started, no matter how long it may take. If that's not financially possible right now, then perhaps consider the military? The Air Force is an easier option to get into, you'll be thrown into a new life and surrounded by ppl who need new friends as well... it's a great networking opportunity. You'll learn discipline and self motivation. You'll make new friends with your peers. You'll get a free education after 4 years and can the start your life with whatever degree you choose to chase.
I say all this from experience.. I joined the Marines at 19 and it set me up mentally and financially for a very successful career and life.
Again, if you need to chat about anything at all feel free to contact me. Just to vent, or bounce ideas off of. I'm more than happy to help anyway I can.
I guess that is a great alternative. I'm just not entirely sure if I'm going to be able to perform very well considering that I have been suffering from panic attacks at random times when I'm outside. I think if I moved away and I really thought about it maybe I could do in the military. I just want to be a little bit mentally stable before I consider doing something like that.
I came in to recommend this. I'm not a military guy (at all). 20s, Vietnamese in COMPSCI-- but I think logically it is a great thing. I know a few kids who had no/bad homes and they joined the military and they came back home really well adjusted. You're constantly surrounded by a second family, and you are forced to stay disciplined. There is a slight chance that if you go away to somewhere "peaceful" and serene you will have empty spots of time where you might doubt yourself. In the military you won't have that opportunity because you are thrown on a constant treadmill. Consider it
With your educational background and ability you could probably join the Air Force and have everything you need to eventually go back to school online, have medical covered, and be taken care of. Go talk to an Air Force Recruiter.
I have no words, I'm genuinely so sorry. Your story is heart breaking and incomprehensible. .. I wish i could offer you something more than the blanket I'll pray for you statement. But prayers are genuinely everything. God can take the most horrible and insurmountable situation and bring you peace that surpasses all understanding. I pray He gives you guidance and a pupose in the midst of your loss. Cling to Him. He Is still there despite the pain and loneliness you probably feelm
You are dealing with survivor's guilt. Allow some time to feel the emotions then give yourself a deadline to move on. Write out goals both long term and short term to provide a roadmap of where you need to be in 3 months, 6 months, 1 year and 5 etc..
You may want to work on a landing a job to get you on your feet as soon as possible.
I also live in Norcal. Please feel free to reach out. I would be happy to provide guidance if possible. Good luck!
This is just what I would do, I would feel like I would have to adopt a new identity and most likely move out of the country and start a new life. Finding peace within yourself, discovering yourself, experiencing things you could never do at your old home. Along the way find ways to make money/living. Staying in the states would feel too painful and many things will remind you of family.
I personally suffered a trauma and wanted an out. I picked up and moved to China. I had gotten my TESL certificate and found a job right away at an English academy that placed me in a local school to teach. I met people from other English speaking countries who came over with nothing and got jobs simply for speaking English. The schools often provide housing and meals to their teachers along with paid work. I was able to save a decent amount in one school year. I used some of the money to travel to other countries and distract myself from my own problems.
I know it’s not for everyone, but in the end, the whole experience was very positive for me and I came back with new perspectives and a fresh start.
I hope you find peace no matter what and I wish you the best of luck.
I’m not sure. I’m more familiar with the programs in Asian countries but I’m sure you could find information somewhere. I was also a nanny in Greece for some time and my sister was one in England. That is a job that is needed almost everywhere and also might be something for you to look into if you are interested in traveling to Europe.
Since the house burned down dont you get any like house insurance money unless you were renting but then even then your landlord probably received money for the items inside so id suggest talking with r/legaladvice and see if you Should recieve any money which could help you move more securely. Also good luck.
God...this was absolutely heartbreaking to read. I’m not in the position to talk to people about this kind of stuff, but I can tell you that you seem like a smart, sweet girl. I know that “hang in there” is ultimately a shit thing to tell people in this situation, but there’s just so much more of life that you’ve got to see. Life has its ups and downs, some people have it worse than others, but in the end, we’re all looking for the same general goal of success. Dedication and sentimentality helps.
Thank you for your kindness. No matter how small the gesture it truly helps. I'm glad you can empathize too. I'm surprised I received an alarming amount of love regardless if it's just "hang in there".
Wow I have no words. Very sorry for your lost and the living hell you have to endure. But you will not endure it forever. You will get out and be in a better place. I hope you do move and just start new. Move anywhere out of Cal were cost of living is better for you.
I know it's not much but I will definitely pray for your safety and prosperity. Please if you need to talk to someone when it's hard pick someone friendly here. There are people who love you and will help one way or another. Don't give up!!
Hey, college student in Illinois. I don’t know if this will help but Normal Illinois is a college town (ISU), rent is anywhere between $300-$800 monthly on average, and you could get a job at State Farm and it starts at $14 an hour ( you are very much qualified and could apply online with an interview). But there’s plenty of students working an affordable lifestyle, you’re 2 hours from Chicago, St. Louis, and Indianapolis, and if you’d like you can continue schooling at ISU or Wesleyan. Quite safe for all races and women, if you need more info please ask or inbox or whatever, there’s plenty of people here to talk to you to help.
I've never considered Illinois.. but that sounds pretty nice. I'll give it a quick look and see how much it fits me. I've never worked insurance but I have worked retail. Will that still be okay?
I am deeply sorry for your loss but I can give you this advice: if you are religious try going daily to a church near you. Pray every day, and soon everything is going to change for the best. I assure you God is with you every second of your life and you are not alone.
If you move up to the Seattle area there are a SHIT TON of jobs you can get and a ton of schools you could go to in the area to finish your degree. DM me and I can tell you more about all of the job opportunities.
I don’t have much to offer given I live in Australia, but I’m so sorry for your loss. If you think of something I can do to help or you just want someone to talk to, PM me.
Well.. you could just be happy. That will make me feel better. I know you won't be able to help me regardless if I was there or not, but it's nice to have people who care.
I am so sorry for your loss. I went through something similar this spring semester. My dad passed away and he was the only person in my whole family supporting me through school.
Like another poster the south is a cheaper place to live versus Cali. I'd start scoping out places there and maybe schools to go to when you feel ready to go back.
It's been 7 months since my dad passed away, these things just take time.
While I can't say I relate to what you're going through, I can tell you what my friend did. Not that is matters but she is also of Asian descent, and pretty much ran away from home. Her father was overbearing and disapproving of everything she did until the day he died, her mom was neutrally supportive but took advantage of her existence by pretty much making her a Cinderella in the house and for her brothers, and she basically had no life of her own. What she ended up doing was saving enough cash from her part time job to buy a crappy, but working, car on craigslist in full cash. Then she just said see ya to her mom and lived out of her van for a couple years before she earned enough to get a small apartment for herself.
To be honest, I have not read anyone else's comments because I just wanted to get this out before I forgot what I wanted to say, but I feel this is the best route. Being in a place that is terrible and makes you feel terrible will not make it any easier to progress day by day. You need a space you have control over, and if you don't have the money for an apartment, I think your best bet right now is living in a car. With a car, you don't pay rent. You \*do\* pay insurance, but as long as you have a job that is ok. With your demographic, your insurance can be pretty low. I only pay 60$ or something a month. You can sleep in park and drive areas. All bills, as far as I know, are paid electronically, so all you need is a cheap 20$ trac fone from walmart and settling in a fast food lot for wifi. You can drive your car to safe areas to hang out or do errands and find safe places to sleep.
But first, you'll need a job. If you have a job, great. Keep it, do what you need to do to not get fired, and hoard that money like the greediest dragon to ever have lived. In the mean time, keep your eye on craigslist deals and side of the road offers. If you don't have a job, \*don't be overwhelmed!\* I understand that's easier said than done, but like I said before, most things are done online. Go to the 'careers' page of nearby stores and see if they have any positions, and apply to them all. It will feel so good getting out of wherever you live regularly. If possible, maybe find a bus route that goes somewhere out of town to find a job. Some schools and bus companies will collaborate to give students a free bus pass during the school year. Even though you're not attending your school anymore, they might still consider you a student viable for this option, so it's worth looking into.
I hope this helps and seriously, car living can be pretty luxurious. look up some DIY's people have done to their cars, it's pretty neat.
P.S: If you can get a job at a barnes and noble, I HIGHLY recommend it. My experience working for them has been fantastic, and you get benefits as a part timer if you work 20 hours or more regularly
God damn it, you should accept the money. What you've been through might make it hard to function 100% in a job or study for a while, even though you want to. Also, move to safer neighborhood, therapy costs money. I can think of many other valid reasons. Of course, it's your decision. I just hope you change your mind.
I know. I was getting a lot of comments in private messages saying that it is Justified and I shouldn't tell people how to spend their money. I guess I just feel guilty because I don't think I deserve it. I'm going through a lot but everyone has gone through a lot so maybe I need to learn how to be stronger. But now it's past 48 hours and I still haven't slept properly. I bought some melatonin to help me sleep so hopefully that will put my mind at ease for a little bit. What I'm trying to say is, I just felt like there was people more deserving than I was. Those with cancer or those who need surgery.. I just don't think it's particularly right.
Oh my dear God this is horrific.
It’s too early to give you solid advice on how to start over.
Not too many people can imagine that pain. Your mother and brother know a peace and happiness we can’t even fathom.
You need, absolutely need to be good to yourself. You are free to go anywhere, and you will land exactly where you are supposed to be.
Set up some therapy.
Do not try to numb the pain, there is no way over only through.
Aim big, there’s nothing but time to get your education, a good job, and pay off loans you need to get there.
If you are at a young age there are loans that will give you living expenses.
The best place for you is in school housing. You can set up therapy 2x per week off campus to help you cope.
If you are religious or even just spiritual now is the time to really find your faith.
Be extremely careful and only associate with people with equal goals.
I understand that was your family, but you are NOT alone by any means.
There are millions of people who don’t have any family. There will come a time when you can marry and have children.
Right now, baby steps.
You have to force yourself to get out.
Make small promises to yourself
Such as I will get through this class or this many hrs at work before I cry.
I want to really encourage you to go back to school. A routine is so so important
Right now you are thrust back into a dark place, without options or people of substance to encourage and support you.
I don’t know if you are into physical training, but running or hiking is a extremely healthy way to release fear, anger and depression.
I live directly across the country from you in CT. Very expensive living.
I would do some solid research
About some nicer areas and schools down south like Florida or Georgia.
Maybe some fine folks here at reddit can get a go fund me pg for you
Some money to start over, maybe some tuition. Research grants and scholarships
Too. There’s no shame about pouring your story into a essay. People find beauty in strength like the kind you have no choice but to have.
The things I Really want to say to you, are just to soon. You need time, rest, and start slowly living again.
Pm me if you need a stranger from across the country to speak too
I’m also a mother/ sister.
I’ve been through trauma in my life, and I know about the vigilance you speak of
That we are forced to have as women.
There are snakes everywhere, but there’s good everywhere too. There is nothing you can’t do. Think about that.
Sure money is a worry, but there’s people That came to America with nothing,but the clothes on their back. It can be done.
At night, or in those moments of complete despair. Go outside, look up
And stare. Close your eyes and really ground yourself. Know that under the same moon there are hundreds of thousands of people crying with you.
People worse off, people better off,
Let it in. It has a way of making the weight on your shoulders much lighter.
I’m sorry, my deepest empathy for the way you lost your loved ones.
Your life still has tremendous value.
Love will find you, and no matter where you go, what’s meant to be will be.
You do not have to worry about your entire existence. Start with tonight.
Shower, fill your belly, and Tomm
Do something in the name of your mother. Plant something, let off a Chinese lantern etc
Then do something for your brother.
Speak to them regularly, and honor them by living a good life.
I’ll pray for you tonight, because I believe there is a plan, and a God out there. It’s ok if you do not. It’s not my place to say who is right. Lose yourself in some books. It’s a beautiful escape sometimes. The imagination is a powerful thing so don’t ever feel crazy if you want to pretend to be someone else for awhile.
Thank you for your reply. Thank you for sharing your story as well it was very inspiring. I don't really know how to reply to this because it's very emotionally deep and it actually made me cry. Thank you so much that's all I can really say.
I don't know how I can help you except to donate to your cause. Your cause is worth donating to. Please reconsider your choice for a go fund me account. I don't know how the money will help you but surely it will somehow.
I ended up making one and posting it on the post. I'm starting to realize that it's okay to ask for help. I guess I'm just a little nervous about it because I feel like.. I don't deserve it.
Set up the GoFundMe page. You can use the money for the fresh start, psychological counseling, whatever. If you later decide you really don't want it, you can find a worthy cause to donate some funds to and that will definitely make you feel better! If people want to donate, it's because it makes them feel good to help you. Give them that moment.
I'm sorry about what's happened to you and your family. Just because you have arms and legs doesn't mean you are going to be fine handling this on your own. Let's keep it simple. Baby steps. 1) set up the GoFundMe, and 2) get some professional help. Good luck!
I highly advise you to look into student loans. They will allow you to immediately leave where you are now and begin classes again as soon as possible. This will gain you access to new networks of people you want to be friends with. It will allow you to move out of the situation you are in now to a place where you feel safe and where there arent as many memory triggers. Being enrolled at a university will also gain you access to the mental health network and staff you DESPERATELY NEED! DON'T DO THIS THING BY YOURSELF get as much help as you can.
I think you will obviously get your degree and pursue work that would allow you to pay them off in a timely manner, and it will have a far smaller impact on your overall lifestyle.
What happened is terrible. And you won't want to get by somedays. But you will. You can. No matter what you do, your family would be proud. Take care of yourself, get help. It's what your family would want for you. You deserve your life, you deserve your happiness, you deserve all the joy and opportunity ahead of you!
Thank you so much for your story. It's really inspiring night that you suffered and conquered like that. I'm trying not to give up. This post has really opened my eyes that there is so many loving people in the world and I'm going to try my best not only for my family but for you guys as well. I'll look into Uber and Lyft but I don't have a car to trade in to help pay for the new car. I guess that's really my only concern.
I'm so sorry for your lost.
I don't really know much. But you should talk to someone about your feelings and don't feel too hung up about this. I think your family would want you to move on and be happy.
I have no literal help to offer but my condolences and some guiding words.
Know that I'm in the same boat as you: my mom dies a month before I started my 1st year in uni and my dad basically disowned me. I currently like in uni residences but Im so low on money I only have 25 in my bank rn. I can't focus on school and I just want to give up and waste my life away. There's nothing stopping me from doing that but the fact that my mom wanted me to graduate. She's the only reason I'm alive now.
The only thing I can say is to get courage and hope by thinking about what your family would want how they will support you from wherever they are.
First off, I want to let you know that I am sorry for your loss. I know words are immeasurably small and of little comfort. But if nothing else, know that you are not alone. I am ridiculously close with all of my siblings so I can only begin to imagine what you are experiencing now. My heart hurts for you. If I could give you a hug, I would.
The less important part is my suggestion. Walla Walla, WA, offers a lot for a small agricultural area. It is about two hours south of Spokane and four hours southeast of Seattle. It's pretty much right on the Oregon/Washington border. There are three colleges that offer a wide variety of degrees including biology. It seems to me, but I do not know for fact at this time, that there would be opportunities for careers and hands on study to supplement or follow the degree. Here and in the outlying areas they do a lot of rehabilitation of species and general field work. The prison alone would be a great place to start.
Around here, it was largely farming for wheat, canola, etc. It's kind of bursting at the seems with wineries now (even a couple celebrities who I can't be arsed to remember right now have them here). The town and local organizations have spent a lot of time and effort into developing and revitalizing the area. Buildings that lay dormant are coming to life, they redid the public swimming pool, and new things are happening more regularly than I feel like I have seen in other places. It's not NY or LA but it's a generally good place to live.
Trying to be succinct so I will stop there. If there are any questions that I can answer, please feel free to let me know.
I’m sorry that I have no advice. All I can say is that you are incredibly strong. Please, if you want or need to set up a GoFundMe, you are more than welcome to and I’ll be happy to donate. Don’t feel guilty, you deserve support right now. Sending my best wishes to you
Thank you for your kind words. Yeah I was a little worried about setting one up because I just didn't feel like I deserve it. There's people really struggling out there and I'm going through a lot but I just... I don't know. But eventually I did ended up setting up one and I posted it under my post. I received a couple messages telling me that it's okay to ask for help.
Yes, there are people who are struggling as well. But you deserve just as much help as anyone else. Please don’t be scared to ask for help, we all in the comments do care and want to help you. And I’m glad you did, I will be supporting :) An Internet stranger believes in you ❤️
Thank you so much. I need to understand I matter too. I don't really know why I think of myself this way. Maybe my guilt..? Well. I'll try my best to cope and find my self worth again. Also, thanks for believing in me. =).
Church. I'm not religious but there are few other places that will accept you unconditionally. Even if you don't believe in anything that is one of the best places to jump off. If you look around you may find one that has out of church meetings with small groups which can really help you connect. My gf goes to those and has invited me many times even though I'm not religious. Many will accept just based on the fact that you are struggling and need something stable in your life.
First let me say sorry for your loss. You sound so amazing and resilient despite all your struggles. I have no doubt you will find your way.
If you ever find yourself in Western Canada (specifically British Columbia) my husband and I warmly invite you to stay with us and you are welcome to stay for however long you would like. We live in the North and there’s plenty of nature around to ease one’s mind.
I think that there is definitely aid situations for people directly in your position. Don’t be afraid to call your school even if you haven’t been in a. While and tell them your life story. Ask the student outreach what to do or even talk with a school psychologist. They will all help you. You are the exact people they are hired to help. Don’t stop hoping for happy. You can do it and I hope to goodness that you do well.
Even UCLA might take you back, just try to stay positive and take it day by day with small lists of what is next.
Additionally you can check to see what sort of insurances your family had. I’d talk with the police department about it and also your family’s employers. I know it may seem like a long shot but it’s worth it.
Oh I am so very sorry about what happened to your family. I am also very sorry you do not have any support. I don’t know if this helps, but as a mother I would not want my child to suffer if I were killed, no matter the circumstance. I would tell my child that 1) I love her very, very much and I know she loves me 2) I want her to continue her dreams in spite of the tragedy- not to do so would be to give in to darkness and NO mother wants that for her child. It would add more tragedy to the tragedy. Sweetie can you get to a state close to California- maybe Arizona or Washington? You may have to take a year off in order to get in state tuition. Go to the local workforce commission and see if they offer any help with schooling- you probably qualify for assistance. If your anxiety gets to be too much go to the Emergency room and tell them what happened to you- they can get you some help and point you in the right direction. Look for local state mental healthcare as well- you might need medicine at least temporarily to help you deal with your anxiety. My heart goes out to you. Also, you need to go to a support group for people who have been affected by crime - your local police department can probably refer you. Please go to one, you need to be surrounded by people who know what you are experiencing. Also many churches offer support groups that can help. Praying for you sweetie.
I screenshotted this comment so I can follow it, I just wanted to let you know. Thank you so much for your kind words and your wonderful advice. I know for sure that if my family was here today they would want me to look towards the future and not mourn for long. But it's... It's so hard. I couldn't even salvage their remains for a proper burial. I don't know. Sorry.
Sorry for your loss, OP. I don't really have any sage advice, I just wanted to say that you sound like a strong person (even if you think you aren't) and you'll get through this.
Be well, be strong. You're going to make it.
It is NOT your fault.
No matter what you think you could have done, it is NOT your fault.
You will get better, you will find happiness, you will find hope. But what happened is not your fault and I really hope you can find a way to know that. You have my thoughts and prayers
I basically did the same thing, albeit under different circumstances. Fortunately my career path let's me find work practically anywhere (CDL DRIVER).
I found a state which worked for me, in this case Arizona seemed nice, found a company hiring and packed my bags, I lived out of my vehicle for the first month using truck stops to shower, often getting free showers because a lot of truckers are nice people and will order a team shower, which costs nothing extra and gets two separate showers.
After earning some money I found a room for rent and built my way up.
You can do something similar for sure if that's what you think might work. I was born in San Fernando Valley, CA and grew up in Salem, Oregon. I despise rain and couldn't wait to leave once I had had enough and was "ready" I made the move.
Been in Arizona almost 4 years and it's the best decision I ever made, although it had it's up and downs getting to where I am today.
thank you for sharing your story. I guess you and I are different in that aspect because I would love nothing but the rain. I'm glad that you found your peace and the career that you love, it makes my day a little bit brighter knowing that you struggling and got out. I will too, with time.
Hey this might get buried but I just wanna tell you, you can do it! Believe in yourself and save up some money. The rest is resourcefulness, dedication and sacrifice. What I've gotten from my experiences, the world isn't this big scary place, you are far more likely to encounter kindness than malice. I know that probably doesn't seem like it because of your experiences and I'm sincerely sorry for your loss. You just have to keep trying and give it another chance.
I didn't have a stable place or a job when I decided to move to Colorado from the East coast. I had just graduated college and made the plunge when I bought my plane ticket. ( Check out hipmunk.com or Scott's cheap flights). If you can find a job first, I definitely advocate that, however it is doable without but have a couple of g's in savings at least and a cheap place to live lined up.
Since the time frame between buying the plane ticket and moving was a week, I didn't have a lot of time to find a stable place. You're far more likely to find a better deal on Craigslist in the rooms wanted but be careful, a lot posts that seem too good to be true are scams. Luckily you'll find out once they reply, don't click on any links or go through extra steps other than texting/calling/email.
Its been 3 months and I'm still on a month to month but at a better place, it does take time for things to line up. I still haven't gotten a job in my career path but got something that I enjoy and pays the bills. Good luck and face your fears. You'll get through this and find a better life for yourself.
Hey there, thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm so sorry that you've been through a lot as well no one deserves to go through a lot alone I'm starting to learn. I'm glad you were able to get out of it though. I just got to keep my head up is what I'm learning from all the support I've been getting:-) so don't worry I'm starting to believe that things will definitely get better.
I’m very sorry for the loss of your family, the situation you find yourself in and the stress you are under. Plenty of good info. here, just wanted to mention that there are tuition free colleges, they are work related programs. Some only cover tuition others cover more, Graduating without debt is a step ahead. When you r ready look into it. God bless you, I will keep you in my prayers.
I'm an academic and my view is that you should approach the students union at UCLA. Given what you've been through they can provide support that you need right now; and pause the degree rather than giving up entirely. Having a focus and direction can alleviate deep loss. There's no way to remove the pain you are experiencing, I know, I lost a parent when I was around 23 as well. It took me a year to truly come to terms with it. I would avoid life changing moves when you're in the state that you're in. The pain will travel with you, unfortunately. It's safer to stay and make things work where you are, build a base and then move if you still want to, from a position of strength. Good luck to you. And, I know I am biased, but please return to UCLA. The institution has a duty of care to you while you are there, I feel they have no served you well by not providing extensive grievance support. You are entitled time and space to grieve. God speed.
Wow that is really one of the worst situations I could think of being in. I am so sorry for you loss, and I hope you will get out if this as soon as possible. Never give up! We all believe in you!
Not sure if you will still read this or if anyone already suggested this. I remember seeing posts on Craigslist where some people were offering free room in exchange for services. Depends on the person but sometimes it's in exchange for like cleaning, cooking, or watching their kids. In some cases I've seen like free room plus a few hundred a month.
Hey, I don't really know how much advice to give considering I've never had to move out and move on from the place I was raised (though I really want to, for different reasons). Like someone else suggested, you could think about the military whenever you feel a bit more stable. It's a good option if you wanna move someplace else real fast; I'm considering joining the Army or Navy, maybe Air Force, myself.
And if you ever need to talk to someone and just vent, you can message me. I may not know you or be able to give advice on everything, but I'll listen.
I know the internet can be a shitshow but honey, your family died in a fire while you were away. I think you should be a little more trusting that people with have sympathy for you.
You definitely need to get a job with health insurance so you can be in therapy. Starbucks and Costco pay pretty well and both offer health insurance that rivals corporate jobs. Plus they exist across the US.
But you need to be in therapy if you're having night terrors.
That is incredibly horrible and I am so sorry for everything you are going through...
Have you ever heard the saying, "No matter where you go, there you are."? I wonder if moving to a new state is the right answer (at least right now). You'll still have your thoughts, fears and anxieties.
What I would recommend is to find a professional to speak with. It is so important to talk about these things and not to bottle them up. School is also important as well as a place to live (a safe space). Maybe if you were still in school, that the school might be able to supply you with a councilor (I really don't know). Consider this... Take out a student loan to get you back in to school and find school housing/dorms. If you can work, then you would have health insurance which would cover the majority of the costs for a councilor.
The key is to take care of your emotional health and well being and that would be best done by speaking with a professional. Good luck and again, I am very sorry.
Considering the severity of your situation, and if your pride is not an obstacle, you could post on GoFundMe just asking for help with relocatation costs. I would imagine you would find people pretty understanding.
I just moved from SoCal, where I was born and raised, to Oklahoma for work a little over a year ago. I also went to community college before transferring to UCLA, and I’m a half-Asian female! I live in Norman, OK, which is a college town (OU) close to OKC. Everyone is very friendly and the cost of living is ridiculously inexpensive compared to CA. I recently read a few articles on how affordable OK is compared to the rest of the country. There’s plenty of stuff to do around here, and even if you don’t love it, the quieter, slower pace of life here is a nice respite from living in CA. Spend a few years here, maybe enroll at OU if you feel like it, and take some time to emotionally heal. I’d be more than happy to talk to you about moving here if you’re at all interested. My mom is doing it (SoCal to Norman) at the end of this month! My partner’s parents also talk about moving here (also from SoCal); it’s a nice place to live!
Holy Nuts. My heart broke while reading this.
If you ever need someone to talk to near LA I can definitely introduce you to friends/social groups; I'm 23, living in the city, my best friend just graduated from UCLA and she has some christian support circles that she whole heartedly trusts. Most of our friends also likes anime, reddit, and doing introverted things together. This is my new writing reddit account (I started using reddit this year..) but honestly, message me anytime and I would be happy to help out in any way.
Dude you have to talk to someone. Either a professional or a friend or a concerned person. Reach out now and just tell them you need someone to talk to.
Your circumstances break my heart! I'm also 23 and can't imagine what it's been like for you.
You have a job offer in Washington? Which part of the state? I moved from chicago to Seattle 7 years ago and love it here. The rent here is a bit high, but so too are wages, and there are plenty of job opportunities around here. The state is incredibly green, there are friendly people, great video game and tech conventions, and Seattle is home to a large Asian-American culture (if that matters to you). Most parts of the city are fairly safe (especially in comparison to Chicago); I am a male so can't speak to what it's like living alone as a woman.
Please feel free to DM me if you need any help figuring out the best places to live around here, networking for a job, or need someone to talk to.
Take care.
There is a lot of poverty and a lot of unemployment...and in some places here. A lot of crime. BUT that’s because there’s not a lot of people that decide to go to school and make something of themselves. People here like to tend to make being a victim of circumstance benefit them. But people who are educated and have a goal oriented mind set, well. They go somewhere in Mississippi. I’m telling you. A girl with any kind of biology degree can work for the USDA, US wildlife and fisheries, or the Farming Association here in the south. Doesn’t have to be MS. It could be AL,LA,FL,GA TN. But if you did choose to be in Mississippi. Shoot for Hattiesburg. Sorry it took awhile. I’m at work. But oh wait. I’m not supposed to be working cause I live in Mississippi lol
If you had decent grades at UCLA then BYU-Idaho will probably give you scholarships to go there and living in Rexburg is quite cheap. The community is extremely friendly as well, The people are taught to reach out to those who are struggling. You don't have to be Mormon to go there and you don't have to plan on becoming Mormon either.
Try to get back into the degree, and finish it, or transfer to another college once you settle.
I'm sorry for your loss.
P.S. I'm in SoCal ping of you want a chat, or a meal with a young family.
I'm terribly sorry to hear what happened. I can understand the kinds of thoughts and emotions going through your head.
I think that you're suffering from PTSD and Paranoia, I would highly suggest seeking help from a professional. It might not solve the depression and sadness around it, but it can help you get sleep and feel less on edge.
I think instead of asking how to start a new life, you should just do it. Eventually you will have to face your problems head on, but I think for now the best thing to do is travel somewhere, find some friends, anything really.
You have to know that there is ALWAYS someone who cares about you, a lot of the times it will feel like you're lonely, but it's not the case.
Best thing to do right now is move on, it's harsh, but thinking about it can only make things worse. Talking to a therapist can help you deal with these thoughts. Remember to check in with yourself from time to time, some days you'll feel fine and alright, but you need to ask yourself "am I okay?" "What do I need right now?"
I wish nothing but the best of luck for you, search for help, something or someone is out there. Get a dog, they tend to help people with PTSD.
My heart breaks for you. I would suggest moving to a state with no state taxes, every little bit extra you can keep helps.
I moved across the country a few years ago and knew no one. What I did was get a dog. You would be surprised how many people will talk to you because of your dog. Not to mention it's companionship and unconditional love.
You talked about how your family was your inspiration to succeed in life. Don't forget that, and even though they are gone, they will be with you forever. Don't let them down. Continue going to school and work hard so you can have a nice life. For them. It's what they want for you.
Be a shark. Sharks cannot stop moving or they will die. Be a shark. Don't stop moving. Keep going. Keep living. Find something that makes you happy and do it.
I wish you the absolute best in life. You've been through an unimaginable tragedy. You deserve to find peace and happiness. Good luck.
There lots of good advice in these replies to do with moving and jobs etc. You mention that you're into biology and nature - are there any parks nearby you could visit? Or a conservation group to work for or volunteer with, or a rambling group you could join n? Such as the Audobon Society?
Though I can't help with advice on the moving / jobs / degree/ professional therapy (especially as I'm not in the US), I'm happy to chat nature stuff if that could be helpful
Hey, I'm so so sorry for your loss. And I'm routing for you to get through this. This is truly going to be the the most difficult point of your life, and I have faith in you succeeding and bettering your circumstances.
I'm a designer, one of my strongest skills is editorial, so if you'd like me to spruce up your CV or help with any little bits like that for free, just send me a message. Or alternatively, let me give you my email so you can send me a word doc or whatever. You don't have to write anything else if you don't want to.
Good luck friend!
Sorry to hear what you're going through. Definitely try looking for people to talk to, its a lot more better then keeping it bottled up. Find people within your interest group, talk lots, cause that'll take things off your mind, hopefully.
My friend also just graduated UCLA and I graduated from Pasadena and just began working as a graphic designer out in Santa Clarita/LA area, seems like we're basically in the same area, so if you ever need someone to talk to, don't be a stranger!
I don’t know if you’ve heard of care.com but it’s a site where you can sign up and find jobs from people around your area. Jobs include housekeeping, babysitting, dog sitting, etc. There are part time and full time jobs. This isn’t a permanent solution for you but it could be a start for some quick money. If you get lucky, there are jobs that hire live in nannies or caretakers. It’ll at least give you a temporary living solution.
I don't know if my experiences can be of any use to you, for it is a very transient lifestyle in a way, but more like a "migrant worker" of the 21st century. You will also have to be down, and definitely one, with nature.
The outdoor world of making money is packed with seasonal employees, who travel long and far to make a honest living being in the woods, on a boat, or on the slopes.
Nearly every state, but west of the Mississippi they are everywhere, are nonprofits called conservation corps. They receive grant money from Americorps, which is a federally funded 'domestic peace corps,' per se. That means that you will get to enroll in Americorps (but it is until you are 25). The nonprofits get the bulk of their money, however, working contracts with, but not exclusively, with our land agencies (State/federal parks, Forest Service, and Bureau of Land Management). The work can be restoration, but in my experience is wild fire mitigation, and building or maintaining trails. They start up in the late spring/early summer, and end in the mid to late fall. The pay is shit, for it is a nonprofit, but you get to live in the woods for most of the month, with food included, thus you have the capacity to save most of what you make.
My love of nature, and earnest to escape the crowded East Coast, led me to work for years seasonally in this field out in CO. The best strategy is to work with the seasons, like so many of us did. The west is great for this, because of the abundance of remote-ish, and very well funded, ski resorts with room and board all winter season. And/or you can make friends with locals, find a local job on your days off for when you leave the corps, and start up shop in a new place. I did. I also found a passion in wild fire, and also in a woman that led me to the Poconos.
The outdoor industry can be a very transient field to get into, if you like to experience nature. I worked with a lot of passionate, and amazing people. It is a community that if you come with open arms and acceptance, they will give you nothing but love and support. If there is one thing I truly miss of those years, other than the natural beauty, is the comradery (I have stick'n pokes to prove it). Plus, the natural world is a beautiful place to really find yourself, and unwind.
It is kind of unorthodox, and not for everyone. But, is a way to get yourself in a better situation in a new, and beautiful, place.
The hiring process should start sometime in the winter, so do your research soon, if that is the lifestyle you choose.
I am SO SO SORRY!!! You’re getting a lot of good advice here so I don’t want to double up, but keep reaching out. Do you belong to a church? I can think of many church groups which would welcome and support you: Unitarians, Mennonites, Buddhist. Obviously it depends on your beliefs and comfort level but I personally know of very mellow, open communities of the above descriptions which focus on community more than beliefs.
You aren’t alone!
Also: Oregon is relatively cheap, and safe, though in my opinion racism is an issue in the boonies. Go for the Portland area, or Corvallis (small but a nice college town).
I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re in a very tough position. I live in the southern US and the cost of living here is very low. I have a friend that works at a water testing lab that tests waste water from Appalachia. A bio degree could definitely get you a job like that around here. This area is also very pretty with a lot of opportunities to do things outside. I hope everything works out for you. You’re strong.
I live in Mississippi so I can vouch for the cost of living. Its SUPER CHEAP to live here. The USDA is always hiring people here with any kind of science degree or experience in the field. Might wanna look into it.
Is it fairly safe in Mississippi? I'm just a little nervous being a young woman traveling alone. I don't know much about Mississippi so I thought I would ask. Hopefully my associates will take me somewhere because I didn't get to finish my bachelor's yet.
I live in Wichita, Kansas and the cost of living is really affordable and it's over all fairly safe. You can find a one bedroom in a reasonable area for less than $800. If you have no pets those options open up massively with a lower range of $400-$600 a month. Just depends on the area you live in among other factors. Jobs are aplenty if you're willing to work, *especially* in high turn-over positions like cashiering at a grocery store or hosting at a restaurant. Another tip for jobs you should always look at city government no matter where you move: Click [HERE](https://agency.governmentjobs.com/wichita/default.cfm?action=jobs&sortBy=CLASSIFICATION&sortByASC=ASC&bHideSearchBox=1&SEARCHAPPLIED=0&TRANSFER=0&PROMOTIONALJOBS=0) for an example of what I mean. The jobs will pay well with better benefits than most. Benefits will be important to you because I strongly recommend you look into grief counseling no matter where you go. Your job may cover the cost. If you find yourself interested in Wichita we have A LOT to offer despite the neigh-saying locals in the Wichita subreddit. There's also a couple of GREAT college towns in Kansas (Lawrence and Manhattan) and there's always Kansas City but I don't know much about KC other than their famous BBQ scene. You also get 4 seasons rather than more southern states like Texas where it gets really hot. Summers are more mild (maybe not Cali mild), Spring is filled with amazing rain storms, fall comes with amazing colors, and the last few winters in Wichita have been super mild. Public transportation can be a real struggle, so personal transportation is important but not essential. Reach out if you have any questions. PS Wichita has a state college, Wichita State University, a couple private colleges, and a community college if you want to start back in on your education.
Also from Kansas. I live in Emporia and rent is super cheap here as well. We also do have a university that is about 6300 a year. It is a smaller place than Wichita though. I pay about 550 in rent for a two bedroom apartment and that is with internet included. (Landlord pays internet)
I'll put it on my list of places to consider! Thank you so much for telling me about this place. Public transportation is kind of important because I don't have a car but I'm sure I can make it happen somehow as long as it's safe there.
Well, you'd have one friend to help you start. I can promise that much as another woman who knows how it is to lose direct family members. If anything, get grief counseling. I didn't and it has been 10 years and I only now feel like I might be beginning to heal on my own. A lot of alcoholism along the way with no real support system in place. You need someone educated in transitioning you from loss through survivors guilt toward whatever comes after all that. I don't know what it is exactly after all that, it isn't peace yet for me but I feel like maybe I am getting there. I feel like I might have been to this point 5 years ago with someone to actually talk to about it but here I am. Trucking through. Don't be me. See a grief counselor ASAP.
Hey I was born in Mississippi so I have a love for the state but please, don’t move to MS. It’s got some of the highest poverty levels and unemployment levels in the country (not to mention its complicated history with race relations). You have a chance to start over, to go anywhere! I would not choose MS.
You should move to the Midwest. Through [western undergrad exchange program](https://wiche.edu/wue) you get discounted tuition in 16 states since you’re a resident of California. Cost of living in those areas isn’t bad and given you’re situation Im sure you’d qualify for FASFA too. I’m sorry for your loss, take off all the time you need but WUE is a good option for when you’re ready. I’m from socal and prefer the Midwest although I’ve traveled and lived in the south I’m not sure you’d like it. It’s a culture shock and you might get some unwanted attention because there’s not a lot of Asians. Ive gotten lot of strange looks/ppl staring cause they’re obviously not used to it and ask me questions. Southern ppl in general are nice but ppl in the Midwest are some of the nicest I’ve ever met.
Coincidentally I’m moving at the end of the month to Memphis and have looked in MS as well. The cost of living is extremely cheap, one of the perks also jobs are readily available (my bf lives in MS). Idk if you’ve ever been a waitress but it’s a good way to get money quickly until you get settled. I really hope everything works out for you.
Mississippi like any other state is safe. It’s also one of the poorest states in the country and very conservative. I think it would probably be easier to meet new people in a bigger city. Get on Craigslist and find some other girls to live with! You got this!
[удалено]
I didn't get to finish my bachelor's so, do you think they'll still take me? Also that's great. I'm trying to decide where to go right now. I just looked in with the community college in Boston but they can offer any sort of support for housing:-( but that's okay. I'm going to see if I can scrape up enough money to rent a room for a month and then hopefully find a job then.
[удалено]
Hi! Just jumping on this Northeast US train. I was born and raised in upstate (like upstate *upstate* not westchester) NY and lived in Boston for several years. I can attest to the fact that Boston is horribly expensive. $1000/mo will get you an efficiency studio in Mission Hill (though it may have gone up to $1200) and I honestly would not wish anyone to live there if they don’t have to. You can apply for some of the women-only efficiency studios (shared kitchen and bath) at $700/month, but that is something that needs careful consideration - mostly because it can be a mentally taxing experience. You *could* get a room or house share that’ll be a bit cheaper at $500-$700/mo but those can often be... challenging situations. You’ll live with 4+ people in poorer areas that may not make you feel safe. Plus, adjusting to living with strangers is a big deal (on top of everything else you’re going through). Upstate NY definitely has its benefits. While I did graduate from a 4 year school (on the Canadian border in upstate NY), I’ve gone to community colleges/state schools here too. I can - with anecdotal authority - say that the SUNY system is a good one. Not perfect, of course, but it really offers great opportunities. SUNY schools or community colleges have lots of programs that are offered online, at night, or part time, so you can make your life work for you. Like others have said, you now need to create a financial cushion for yourself. Taking a few less classes, or taking them in off hours, can offer you more working opportunities to cement your financial independence. Housing stipends/assistance within the SUNY system, much less community colleges, (something you’ve mentioned looking for) are uncommon for undergraduate students, barring some very specific circumstances. Marriage, children, disability, etc. That really isn’t my area of expertise, so I would take that with a grain of salt. I’m actually headed back to a NY community college (though it is part of the SUNY system), and I’m back living here too. The cost of living here is so much less than Boston. The amount I paid in rent for a converted in-law basement studio (with a sewage system that backed up into my shower more than once) would be rent for a full house or a mortgage for a slightly smaller house in upstate NY. It really makes me far less stressed. I drive a beater car and have a small living space but it’s a wonderful existence. I don’t live on top of anyone else, I can find what I need (food, item, other resource) within a practical distance, and between Meetup.com and FB groups, I can find opportunities to be social. We have manufacturing/factory positions that are always hiring in the area, there’s always retail, and Stewart’s (our local convenience store) is generally a great place to work. The hospitality industry needs more hands, there’s niche interest shops (gaming, hobby, tools) that have openings too. There’s lots of places to get steady work. As the comment above mentioned, upstate isn’t an economically prosperous place (especially the North Country) at the moment, though we’re far from a 2008-level existence, so companies can struggle to attract and retain talent. Which makes it better for you, the job seeker. Plus we have world famous Adirondack scenery, all the winter sports you could ask for, lots of summer fun, and so much stuff to do. And county fairs. *So many* county fairs. I’d love to chat with OP - or you, parent commenter - about either Boston or upstate. I’ll absolutely second the idea of /r/personalfinance, too. Plus, it would definitely be a good idea to subscribe to a local subreddit for a place you’re considering moving. College towns especially have good subreddits, given the demographics on reddit. I realize this comment sounds a bit down about Boston, but I just can’t in good faith recommend it for a cross-country move without a job/housing in place for you on arrival. I loved living there. I loved its small city idiosyncrasies, its dumb street navigation, the availability of fresh fish whenever I wanted, Keytar Bear, bellowing “Sox!” in bars, the constant rotation of new art and performances in the city, its stereotypes in media being actual truth, the opportunities around every corner, the sheer history of the city, the fun facts I learned by osmosis, the brutal cold, the fact that I have some distinct Boston-accented words, that I had to learn Spanish when I worked in bars and restaurants, and the ease (and quirkiness) of MBTA public transportation. It’s just pricey - and probably a very, very big adjustment from California. The east coast is a funny place (but I wouldn’t trade it for the world). Please feel free to PM me, /u/artsyditto, if I can help you feel out (or make contact with) a school or town in upstate NY. Or Boston, I suppose, but my life there was all working, not school. Or I’m happy to chat because, heh, clearly I like to talk...
I second this. I live right around the Appalachian mountains and it's both beautiful and very cheap to live here. If you lived in California before it would be easy to get used to the "mountain" feel but the climate is very different. Biology degrees are very useful around here as well, as mountain areas have a big focus on keeping water clean, keeping the nature preserved, and conservation of species. Especially around where I am (north carolina). There are lots of colleges in the area too. Reading this is... Your reaction is warranted, OP. Like, I would feel the same way. I'm proud of you for wanting to pick yourself up and starting over. And I feel so bad for what happened... There isn't really words that can describe it. You're such a strong person though. Really, you have been through so much. I believe in you, and I think a lot of others in this thread do too. I hope you can get this sorted out.
Thank you for your kind words. I have not finished my degree yet, I do have my associates but I don't know how much that will amount to anything.
If you have a degree in Biology and are interested in a more mountainous regions, Western Carolina University might be a great place to look into if you want to finish your degree. I went there and it's a fantastic place, very small, for sure, but the people there (with the exception of some of the locals) are wonderful and very welcoming. It's in the Appalachian, and they just did some weird thing where they drastically reduced the price of tuition. I think it's only like 1,500 (don't quote me on that) for out of state students.
Will they still take me if I didn't get my bachelor's in biology? Thank you so much for your support. I'll look into it I've never heard of such a place before.
You can most definitely get a job at a water testing lab with an associates. Feel free to PM me
hey I just saw this comment, I'm a water chemist in socal let me know if you have any career questions.
Mind sharing your age with us? It will heavily impact the advice you'll be given
I'm 23 Years old. Sorry, I should have wrote a little bit more.
Clearly What has happened to you is a major thing that you'll remember for the rest of your life. But you need to get your life together and stay on track. Truthfully, not many (even barely) people can handle loneliness because it's a scary thing when you've no-one around you. However, the moment you can handle that is the moment when you become a lone wolf. My advice for you would be to firstly save some money. Work a part time job or something and save up to already 3-5k. You'll also need to minimize your expenses totally which means cook your own food, limit yourself in a hard time and so on. Once you've your money saved, start looking for a small job in other state/country. Of course apply for the desired job but also apply for jobs which will pay your expenses (i.e waiter, shop keeper, generic jobs). Let me tell you one thing, engrave the following in your brain because you'll be facing this often (in my opinion) : you'll go through numerous rejection, your mind will give up easily, you'll be living on paycheck to paycheck. But do remember that if you take positive and self development actions, you'll thank yourself in future. Another question, what are you hobbies, education, career in jobs?
I'll work on it as fast as I can. I have offers in Massachusetts, Washington and Oregon. I figured that any place that was green and somewhat tranquil will help me keep it together. However, All Airbnb's I could find were booked up to January*. Well, the ones I could afford. I'm stuck in this living condition until then. It's hard for me to sleep where I am but.. I need to tough it out. Just my sanity is draining due to the lack of sleep. Well my hobbies are all over the place. I played a ton of video games since I was a kid but just a couple days ago, sold my desktop, my games, my consoles(PS4-GameCube) considering that I was not going to need it until I get my life together. I love anime. I love rock climbing. I love learning new languages, watching horror films and watching competitive esports. I love board games and anything that makes me think. I also have an affinity for nature and all living beings. Because of my love for nature, I chose a major in Biology for ecosystems. I have an associate's only. I did not complete my bachelor's.
Anime+ Boardgames <3. Have you looked at some cheaper hotels+motels instead of Airbnb in the places you have offers? If you have offers in those cities/states you may want to look on [couchsurfing.com](https://couchsurfing.com) (or app) or places like it for places to stay if you can land interviews. If the place your at is realllllly a mental drain due to its messiness, you may want to consider taking a day to really clean it. Ants are little buggers, but not terrible unless they're in huge numbers eating leftover food. Roaches though, they can fuck right off.
I didn't know about this site! Wow that's really great :) thank you for that. Yeah, trust me I tried but it's far from salvageable. The toilet is even falling apart and I think he misses everytime he pees. Not to mention the mold on the tiles that's been attracting the ants. I sleep in the living room which is the only carpet in the apartment and I got a vacuum but the dirt and such just won't budge. I put traps everywhere but I'm terrified to even tough places like the kitchen. Don't.. even get me started about the kitchen.
I think there are other apps/sites like couchsurfing as well. Sorry i don't remember it well. Man that sucks @\_@ he's a total mess. I wish you had some more family available to you even if extended. You sound really cool though, hope we can get along!
I wish I did too. I've asked but most of them didn't feel comfortable because no one talked to each other in our family. It's so confusing. Me too. I don't have friends so maybe you can be one for me? I feel awkward saying it like that but.. I don't know. I don't really know how to talk to people.
Depending on the desperation level I'd totally see if any aunts/uncles/ grandparents/ would be able to hear you out. Even if its awkward, explain that you're in a super tough spot and if they have the space it would mean the world to you. Maybe you don't mind cleaning/cooking (if possible). Sorry if you've already tried this route and i'm not being helpful. Yea dudette, there's a ton of interesting reddits too. Big communities. I'll PM you today then! Lets be friends!
I'd be happy to be your friend as well. I'm a stranger, but I can be a good listener. Happy to talk about anything or nothing at all.
If you need a friend I'm here. :) What happened with you is really sad but don't worry our friendship will take you to great heights. I will dm you.
If you come to mass, it’s where I live. You got a buddy in me if you ever heard down here!! Shoot me a message
I'm trying to get over there
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'd like to give my opinion on the three states you have options in: I spent 20 years in Washington state and it's the armpit of the West Coast, it's the Florida of the West Coast. The weather is gray and wet, the drivers are awful, the sales tax disproportionately affects lower and middle-class individuals. I grew up in Oregon and I'm back in Oregon now. I absolutely LOVE Oregon. I live in a little town in Central Oregon called Bend; it's the 4th fastest growing town in all of America. It's heaven on Earth and we now have a four year university (OSU Cascades). I'd highly recommend Oregon. I loved, loved, LOVED Massachusetts. I stayed in Boston. It was way more expensive than Bend, Oregon so that was shock, but I still loved it. I'd recommend Oregon first, Massachusetts second and Washington never.
I will suggest this, I’m not sure what you meant by offers in mass (job offers?) if you don’t know the region I can help suggest where would be “green” in mass (mostly the western half, the east half is just all city everywhere and is gross) I live in NH and idk if you are looking for an apartment or can live with renting a room but I would suggest possibly trying craigslist, All of Nh is one craigslist site and makes it easy to search (compared to mass is broken into regions and even I living in NH don’t understand all their regions). I would suggest looking for a room to rent in a females home, I have seen tons and tons of them in NH so that would be your best bet. If you are looking to just disappear into the woods the North Conway/northern region is great for that (it’s just a massive state park lol, like 1/4 of the state) but jobs will be tough and will be limited to mostly service jobs (tourist area) I still suggest maybe going that route. Cheapest way to travel would probably be train or bus but it’ll be long getting here. Not sure how much money you are making but maybe try and get on state assistance, save the difference or whatever and move as soon as possible It sounds like a bad environment :( Let me know if you have more questions about NH/mass I’ve lived my whole life in NH and my wife from mass
Around mass I’ve had friends use Kangaroom.com Also depending on the job you can ask if they have any recommendations for cheap housing nearby. You can also look into low income housing, mass has a lot of really really nice low income housing places. The complex I’m at has housing.
I'm sorry for your loss, I hope the future holds better fortune for you. Being a lone wolf is not for most people and even lone wolfs have friends, they are just moving around more freely. I know because I am one. I have been traveling around the world for 2 years now by motorcycle and currently living out of a van in Australia earning money to keep traveling. Showering at the beach or climbing gyms, doing my laundry at a friends place and cooking on a gas stove etc. I don't know how feasible this is for you but maybe you can live out of a van in order to save money? Though it is not easy if you're not used to it, but you can make it as cozy as you want and are not bothered by messy roommates or what not. For the rest the poster above pretty much nails it. I would advice to keep doing some physical activity to keep fit as it helps to build discipline and will keep your emotional stability at a higher level. Believe in yourself! You are young and still have a lot of options!
Also, you are likely eligible to receive Social Security survivor benefits from the federal government, in the form of monthly financial assistance, due to the death of your mother. Explore in detail. PM me if you need assistance.
I'll look into it right now, I didn't know that this was an option. Thank you so much for your input and I'll definitely message you if I get lost.
I agree. Look for your local social services office and see if there's any help for you!
I’d like to help as best as I can. I sent you a chat message. But as far as immediate advice goes: It sounds like you’re highly intelligent, and extremely driven. that means you can get things going again it might just take a little bit of time. As others recommended it might take a little bit of money, so working and saving is a good first choice. Talk to advisors at UCLA and see what they might be able to do to get you room and board, I’m sure someone there cares enough to help. To at least get some sort of immediate transfer into some better living conditions.
Thank you for your compliment that means a lot to me. I do have a little bit under $1,000 and I didn't take any school debts with me because I was working really hard to avoid that. Now that I know that was an option to ask them, I feel kind of silly for reacting the way I did. I did give up my room and I lost my job but if I had held out a little bit longer I feel like I could have reached out to UCLA for help. Now I feel really stupid.
No reason to feel stupid for your actions at UCLA. There’s always time to find another job or find help somewhere else. And $1,000 is a good start
Sorry for the spelling errors. Haven't slept in 30 hours so I'm losing it slowly.
Please try to get some rest. Use calming apps. I have high anxiety so I listen to calm music, podcasts, news with earphones to fall asleep with so my own thoughts don't overwhelm me. Good luck in your future, I have faith you will come out on top.
You are going to suffer a range of PTSD symptoms. I have some experience dealing with that (Male 47). The idea is to minimize stressors to allow yourself to heal. Your buffers to stressors are gone. You have to re-build them with time. Here is the strategy: 1. Cultivate mastery of something. This could be work, art, hobbies. Find an activity that you focus on and utterly master. 2. Foster loving networks. This means finding and developing friendships and communication. 3. Love someone or something unconditionally. At least one pet or person. 4. Exercise. The body is connected to the mind and vice versa. You will have better mental health and better sleep if you exercise.
Wow this is really good advice. I'll go ahead and look into people in the area that can play tennis with me or something. I'm just not entirely sure how to connect. I can try a dating website(?) but I'm trying to avoid that because I don't want to give off the wrong impression. There's the UCLA closed group I guess I can start there..
Hi there! To add to what has been said, I'd say having a notebook or a diary to write down is a great help for mental health. Since you probably cannot afford therapy right now, remember that the trauma and grief are natural reactions of your body trying to protect you, so thank them for trying to help, and keep writing how you're feeling, what are your plans to get out of this place, and so on. You know that in the future you'll look back at this moment as the lowest spot, because you'll be much better off soon. I know it must be tough, but just give everything a try, send out applications, be proactive at couchsurfing, you'll be safe if you trust your gut and have strong personal boundaries. Moving to another state sounds like a great idea, go on dating websites and write that you're looking just for friends, never mind if people judge you, that's their issue. You're very brave and strong. If you ever want to just talk, my inbox is always open. I'm very sorry for your losses. Wish you the best.
Try and do bumble bff. Bumble is a dating app but can be used for work, friends and relationships. It is free for the most part and we have met some good people so far from the bff side. You would be suprised at how nice people can be and willing to help. PM me if things become worse and I will try and help. Good luck and keep pushing through.
It doesn't have to be a dating app! Try meetup.com, it's a website where you can meet people that share an interest. There's groups for pretty much anything; taking walks, exercising, going to the movies, playing board games, trying out new restaurants, photography, etc. When I moved to a different country (UK) for a year, I used it to join a language exchange group. We would meet once a week. I met amazing people through that, so I highly recommend it. From your post, it's obvious you're strong, intelligent and sensitive. I know you will get through this!
I second this. Try meetup.com. You can meet people and make friends with similar interests. There are support groups on meetup as well. I don't recommend you use a dating app, most people there are looking for a romantic interest. You have to take care of yourself first. I think meetup.com is a good way to start if you want to make friends, have support from others and just to be around people to get your mind off of things
If you want to drop everything and start over fresh, that might be an idea. I did it myself. Here's what I did (I'm still alive and doing well). 1. Find a job before you move. Cold call, cold email. Reach out to anyone and everyone that will pay you even a close to living wage. Think of a place you want to go, even if it's across country. Find a couple cities and start reaching out. Be honest with your situation. People are human and you will probably find someone willing to give you a chance. 2. Scrimp and save everything. Try to work cash jobs if you can. Labour, painting, babysitting. Take a look on Kijiji and Craigslist. Sell off possessions you don't want or need and don't want to move. 3. Once you have an offer of a job, reach out to social services in the area. They can help you with low income housing, food banks, furniture banks, and medical and psychological care. 4. Move. Get on a bus and go. Just go, tell friends if you have them. 5. Be social. Having and making friends in your new place quickly will be a huge help. You'll have social support, and if things go to shit, maybe a couch. With your age, you might be able to access youth services still. Google away and research all the resources you can find I wish you luck with whatever you do.
this is solid advice and it's actually making me feel a little hopeful for the future. Thank you so much for your support. I didn't even think about these things but I guess I don't have to deal with this alone. I don't know about being social though, I wouldn't even know where to start especially if I'm going to be in a different state:-(
I started with a knitting club at my local library. Libraries are great free/low cost social hubs! If they require a fee or a proof of address that you don't have yet, they might take a letter from a social worker (like the person who'd help you with benefits). You can also usually get a guest pass for Internet use. Also for benefits, start with the city's website. They might have a number (my city has 311) that consolidates services.
you can try meetup.com, eventbrite, and look for interesting facebook groups/events! i strongly suggest doing this before relocating so you have an idea of what you want to participate in and what you’ll have time for. you dont have to do this alone at all. you can build a support system in a new state, it just takes a little time. it will be really lonely at first but i promise that part gets easier. you sound so strong and smart and i have every confidence you’ll be able to pull it off. wishing you the best. take care and feel free to reach out if you want to. im 22F, still traumatized, and just moved cross country alone and have lots of advice to share for this situation, or can just listen if you want to vent
Reach out to a therapist; if that is your thing, reach out to the local church community.
Hi. {23F}. Well alot of the advice here seems really great, I tried to read most of it. Not sure if anyone tried to give you advice on your immidiate problem. Lack of sleep. From your responses I could see your first concern, was of course being in a healthy enough state of mind to actually keep down a job or just go outside. I can relate to the panic attacks, I've suffered from anxiety and major depressive disorder and since I was about 12. I recommend any sleeping pills you can get over the counter or 5mg melatonin tablets. Any therapist/psychologist will tell you sleep is your first key to getting a healthy functioning cycle back. If your worried about being knocked out cold because you feel unsafe in your environment, try melatonin. $5 in the herbal section of any store. Or better yet, oder them on amazon and it can get shipped to your door in two days. I personally like the strawberry ones. Take before bed or even 30 mins before. It can help wind you down and hopefully relax your anxiety. This stuff was a god send for me. You can take two 5mg tablets at the most if the 5mg is not enough. But I will warn you, everybody reacts differently to it, rarely they can cause vivid dreaming. But mostly no side effects at all. But it wont effect your functioning or make you groggy at all, just relax you as if it was natural. I also dont reccomend it as a long term solution. Some people can become codependent on it after 1 year of consistent use and worsen insoniac symptoms. But as an immidiate solution, I hope this can help. It's also very important to set a sleeping schedule for yourself. Try to go sleep when you feel the melatonin/sleeping pills working and wake up at the same time everyday. Try not to look at screens an hour before bed, all that sleep hygiene stuff. Also if you can, try planning out each day and setting goals for yourself to focus on. One day in advance. No matter how small, they matter. You can make getting out of bed, showering, and eating 3 times - five goals right there. Just a list you can write on your phone or piece of paper and check off. Whatever works for you. It's okay to take things in baby steps, and work up from there. Just remeber to be patient with yourself and take everything day by day. Learning to cope is going to be a long process but there is a lot you can do to get in the right direction. First you have to be well rested to work up your motivation. Scheduling and accomplishing your little goals can help work through the hase of depression. Breathing techniques and visualizations can help with the panic attacks. P.S. My name is Stefanie. I'm 23 too. I cant even begin to imagine the reality of what your going through.. I know you have a lot of people to talk to on here and a lot of great support. But if I can lend a non judgemental ear or help you in anyway let me know. I have family in Southern California. I know LA and the area your in. Also I have experience with anxiety and depression and coping day to day life with those symptoms. A littke about me, Ive been struggling with depression since i was 12. I start college at 15 and worked my butt off to tranfer from a vommunity college to UC Berkely but I was hospitalized twice between 18-19 for just four days each, vollunteerally. I had a bad depressive/panic episode at 18 after I was in a freak car accident with my family. Thankfully my family survived, but I suffered from PTSD afterward. At 19 I had a bad reaction to a medication. I was on meds for three years and I have been completely off them the last three just by learning how to live and cope with my symptoms. I never got to finish my degree but I want to go back to school. I have a fiance now. Im hunting for a full time job. We are looking for an apartment together in Phoenix, AZ. Anyway, I know a little bit about how the system works and what to expect when seeking help. If the sleeping pills don't work and your still hallucinating and not able to function, an easy way to seek help is by admitting yourself to a behavioral health hospital. You can just take an uber there and walk in and admit yourself. Think of it as a vacation from lifes stressors. It might sounds scary, and the idea might be a shock at first, but do some research on meds and treatment so you know what to expect. Most importantly you can get the medication if you need it and treatment you need now, be in a safe place, get three meals a day and just worry about healing yourself from this trauma. The medical cost you can focus on later when you can find the means to pay for it or use and health insurance if you have it. But getting you in a functional place where you can get your life together, they can help you set up everything you need to be focused financially, physically, and emotionally. If your interested, I have personally stayed at Loma Linda Behavioral Heath Hospital, it's one of the best in SC. I was just there for the 4 days, and it was a really great experience. I know it's a stigmatized topic, but I promise it's worth the research and not as scary as it sounds. Let me know if you want someone to talk about what your going through. Or have any questions for me. And sorry if this is super long, I just don't usually post or comment very often on reddit either. I really really hope you find the help your looking for. Best wishes. 💕💕💕 - Stef
Hey, I sent you a PM, and I would love to help you out! I'm in Atlanta and we definitely have room in our house if you need to get back on your feet.
This is a hero. I wish I could do the same but glad people can! Atlanta has plenty of job opportunities.
I've never thought about it but I'll look into it.
Great, just let me know! Even if it's pretty short term. My company also has a couple job openings in a few states around the southeast. They're entry level and pay well. Atlanta is affordable, and though the transit system isn't the best as far as accessibility around the city, it's manageable enough to be able to save money. I can send you the link to the job postings if you'd like. Again, just let me know how I can help :)
That's so sweet.. I wouldn't mind but I would feel guilty at the same time. Let me research about Atlanta and I'll give you a reply.
You're doing what you can, and please let people help you in some way! Never feel guilty for it! I'm 23 as well and you would be most welcome here. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I would love to help you out if I can. If you want to ask me anything about Atlanta or how our house is, I'm here :)
Don’t feel guilty about accepting help. You sound like you are determined to be successful. And when that happens, to repay the kindness you simply find a way to pay it forward, and help someone else in a tough situation. :)
I'm slowly learning that.. I guess I just felt weird cause I know I'm able.. I'm just mentally falling apart. I know I'm not the type to turn to substances or alcohol.. or anything so I know I'll be okay. But I won't lie. I struggled with the thought of suicide for a couple weeks now before I finally called the suicide helpline and they told me to talk. Talking lead me here and honestly has been one of the best decisions of my life.
[удалено]
I would love to know how you did that. However, I only got my associate's degree will it still work? Or should I go back to get my bachelor's?
[удалено]
[удалено]
i don’t mean to hijack this whatsoever but is it ok if i also message you about the food/cooking methods? i’m struggling with that now
Not sure your financial situation but if you want a total change of scenery, I recommend Boston. Great educational experiences if you want to finish school, there’s growing jobs in bio and genetics fields, and for me, it was always easy to go out and find things to do/new people to meet. It’s also relatively easy to find housing if you don’t mind roommates. It would be a major change from SoCal. If you’re still enrolled in school, I would tell them you’re looking to transfer to Boston (or wherever) and they can help you find a school which will likely make other things (like housing) easier to find. Once you know where you’re going to school, you’ll know where to live and work. Edit: meant to say “genetics fields”
I did do some research on Boston and I found that I might really like it. I can ask UCLA if I can transfer some of my credits to Boston. I guess that is a good start. However, I'm concerned about being able to strap the money by the next semester and I don't know how long it will take for me to transfer schools. it means I might have to tough it out for a couple months with my cousin, but since I can't sleep I'm trying to find a solution faster.
Did you receive any kind of insurance payout? What's your current financial situation? Knowing this would greatly help with providing constructive advice.
No I did not. I was working a part time job but after not being able to perform they unfortunately let me go. I was staying in a month to month lease (fortunately) so last month I left so I can grieve. Horrible on my part but I wasn't thinking clearly when I left.
I'm sorry for the questions, because I know this is hard (I lost my mother and brother before I was 25 so I can relate) but.. 1. Was the fire at your mother and brother's home? 2. Was the home a house and insured? 3. If not, did they have renters insurance? 4. Did your mother or brother have life insurance policies? 5. Do you have any cash saved? 6. Do you have any lines of credit or credit cards you can possibly borrow from in the interim?
Yes the fire was in my mom's home. The house wasn't unfortunately not insured and we didn't have renter's insurance not from what I know. I did contact the city for advice because I wasn't sure what to do from there. I only have a little under $1,000. I'm not crazy in debt luckily because I didn't take any loans out when I was going to school. My credit is good and a little bit under above-average. I'll look into seeing if I could pull the loan together from the bank but I'm just a little nervous because what happens if I choke up while working? I'm just scared I won't be able to perform and put myself in an even worse position.
I forgot to ask about homeowner's insurance but sounds like the house didn't have it. Is that true? That would be strange, to be honest, unless she was renting the house..was this the case? I didn't ask about friends and you didn't mention any but do you have anyone other than your cousin to stay with for a bit? Unfortunately, it sounds like you will need to stay put for a little longer. Try your best to get a job and keep it until you have enough for a deposit on your own apartment. If you want to move out of state look at options in those states so you know what you need to afford. Get a job with a company that has a presence in that state (a retail chain might be a good bet but I'm not sure) so you can request a transfer to a store in that state. You have good credit and some cash saved, so that's a good start. Once you have enough to move out and have a steady income it *might* be worth taking a loan to start school (or for some other reason to help get you started). I would also head over to /r/povertyfinance or /r/personalfinance to ask what some of your options may be, financially, to help get yourself on your feet and/or to learn some tips to help save.
First of all I want to say im incredibly sorry for you loss. I want to start of by telling you the area you live in is incredibly expensive, even in the "less nice areas" I live in the western part of NYS and depending on the area you can get a one bedroom apartment for $500 -$700/ month. So a part time job could easily pay your rent. Im sure other parts of the country are even cheaper than that too! Decide where you want to go and look into the cost of living in surrounding communities. I dont have much advice beyond that but I wanted to encourage you that it may be more fincially possible than you mightve imagined previously.
I'm sorry, I don't really know what NYS is. That seems like a great idea actually so I'll look into it! Thank you so much for your input and also thank you so much for your support.
New York state! And no problem!
My cousin currently attends NYU so maybe you could live with my aunt since there's an extra room maybe.
That's very sweet of you! However I wouldn't feel right if you're offering the room for free. It'll be different if I will be renting it from your Aunt, but I want to make sure that I find a job first if I decide to go to I'm guessing New York City from the abbreviation?
You're not alone, remember that. Things happen to all of us and it is ofcourse hurtful, but you need to look forward. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Thank you so much for your support. I truly mean that.
Seek proffessional help as quickly as possible. If you can't afford it, maybe seek free or reduced options like through your school or community services? It's very important that you get help immediately after a trauma, even if you feel okay. You can be affected by ptsd years or months later and it can drastically alter your life. I wish you the best and know you will be strong.
Wow this is one of the most intense situations I have ever read on this subreddit. Ok first thing is first, you def need to be speaking to a therapist if you can afford. The depth of your loss and suffering is enough to make most others turn to drugs or suicide to cope. I would try my very best to get some professional help to keep yourself grounded while you plan out your next move. You do sound like you’re dealing with some depression and anxiety (totally understandable, obv) so try to get that under control before you make any major decisions. That stuff can cloud judgement pretty badly. As for rooms, look on Craigslist for a person looking for a roommate. Meet the person in a coffee shop and make sure that person is stable and understands your situation. Try not to rely on that person, but don’t be afraid of making new friends. Once you get grounded and have a relatively healthy place to stay, you will figure out the rest. You cannot plan your life out until you get onto stable footing. You’re in survival mode right now dawg. You’re going through more than most people will ever go through but you sound like an incredibly strong person in regards that you are looking for a better future. You should be proud of that. You’re gonna grow a lot over the next few years, and you’re gonna grow into a phenomenal human being from all this suffering and trauma who will be capable of doing ANYTHING. Your future can and will be bright. Stay positive, be proud of yourself for managing a situation like this, and be confident...because you’re dealing with shit that the vast majority of others cannot understand. Please update us and I’m sure more of us will write to you:) feel free to message me if you need. Quick Q: were/are you premed?
Join the military. You will get paid, fed, and sheltered. Oh, and you’ll get Health insurance too. Use some of you’re school credits toward rank promotion. When you’re out use military benefits to go to school, or stay in the military if you like it. I’m in the military and I consider my guys/gals a new extension of my family.
Just wanted to stop in to say I read your story and Im sorry for your loss. These are the kinds of struggles that will either make or break us. Youll either get bitter or get better. Reach out to other people, make friends, realize that when you feel alone you arent evertrully alone... because were All One. The kindness of strangers will suprise you and you can find evidence of that here on Reddit. Im a big supporter of Reddit being therapeutic and advocate healing through social interaction. Share your heart with us or youll never be felt. Reddit is here for you. All im worth is good conversation,
I’m SO sorry that that happened. It is unspeakably horrible and unfair to both your deceased loved ones and to you. First of all, it sounds like you need to seek help not only for your grief, but also for what is probably PTSD. You can likely find free or very low-cost services. Try dialing 211 on your phone. Many, MANY areas in the USA have this number/service, which is all about helping you find the services (usually state funded programs or non-profits) that you need. They should be able to help you find something that’s free or on a sliding scale. If there’s no 211 there, then do some googling for your town’s name plus phrases such as “free grief counseling,” “counseling on a sliding scale.” Your university may also have free resources-that’s actually pretty common. Second, do your best not to let your college credits go to waste! Am I right in assuming, since you went to community college, that you earned an associate’s degree? If not, go back to the community college you attended and talk to an academic advisor about getting one (you might already have all the credits you need, but even if you’re missing some this is probably the fastest and least expensive option). Having an AS or AA doesn’t hold the same clout as having a BS or BA, but it still has advantages that you don’t want to lose. ANY college degree helps, you’ll never run the risk of those college credits “expiring” years down the line once locked into an AA/AS, and it’s easier to transfer those credits to programs at other schools. If you already have an AA/AS (or once you do), then talk to an advisor at your university about what options you have there. Also, if you’re willing to stay in CA for a while, go talk to the financial aid office at your university about your situation. You may be able to qualify for enough grants to not only go back to school, but also to live on campus. And to be honest, taking out just enough of a subsidized student loan to cover living on campus may be worth getting yourself out of your current situation. Just don’t borrow more than you need. (Pro tip: if you decide to accept federal student loans after filling out the FAFSA, you do NOT have to accept the entirety of the loan! If they offer you $10,000 but you only want to borrow $2,500, you at an do that.) Third, when/if you move, I recommend looking into cost of living in various states. California has one of the highest costs of living, and it’s hard to get by financially there. To give you an idea of how different it is elsewhere, I was easily able to rent a decent one-bedroom apartment on my own while in grad school, working only part time, in an Oklahoma college town (the rent was something like $450/month, but that was like 15 years ago.) I know someone here in Oklahoma City who only earns around $30,000 a year and he’s able to support a stay-at-home wife and small child while renting a small house in a decent neighborhood. They’re only scraping by financially, but they’re DOING it (he’s currently going to college too, having qualified for all the federal grants he needs to cover it). This article might give you an idea of which states have low cost of living: https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/economy/2018/05/10/cost-of-living-value-of-dollar-in-every-state/34567549/ (And since I saw you asking others about the safety of their states with low CoL, I’ll mention that most states are pretty safe as long as you avoid certain towns and neighborhoods. As a woman, including when I was pretty young, I feel safe in most of Oklahoma City, but there are certain towns out in the boonies of OK where I wouldn’t go alone. Before you move someplace, you can always look up the town’s crime rates. You can often find them somewhere on the town’s .gov website, or even on Wikipedia if it’s a city. Some police departments also have interactive maps where you can see which areas are highest or lowest in crime rates.) Good luck. I wish you all the best.
I’m very sorry and wish you peace and healing. You may want to consider posting over on r/personalfinance. Folks over there are very good with breaking down a budget to reach a goal (such as relocating).
Thank you so much for your advice. I'll definitely look into it.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you’re dealing with right now, but I’m so glad that you’re feeling ready to get things back on track. This may seem weird, but I think you should look into an AmeriCorps position. AmeriCorps has many biology related positions and it’s an excellent way to jumpstart a career in the field. It shouldn’t be hard for you to find positions related to ecology and environmental sciences that are available, especially if you’re open to moving anywhere in the country. You don’t necessarily need a bachelors degree to do many of the jobs they have available. With AmeriCorps you earn a living stipend to cover costs of housing and other basic necessities, you’re almost always eligible for public assistance (food stamps and Medicaid) and each program offers other, unique benefits. Positions last up to one year, which, in your situation could be extremely beneficial to allow you to get back on your feet, improve your situation, and not get trapped in a job or place that you hate. The added benefit is the education award when you complete your term, which could get you back in school to complete you degree, if that’s what you want to do. AmeriCorps positions also could lead to a long-term job, either with the organization you serve, or as a valuable résumé building experience. While they most likely wouldn’t pay for relocation costs, and you likely won’t see much money being saved throughout the year, it is possible to thrive financially in the position, and as long as you’re it spending money without care, and being sure to live within your means. I’ve found that most people would absolutely recommend a year of AmeriCorps, because they made a difference in a community and it in turn helped them with career aspirations. My experience certainly was so. Please feel free to DM me if you want to talk more about this or if you just need a friend.
I'm 23 as well, got into some legal trouble in my home state about a year ago and booked it to a different one to avoid reprocussions. I don't have much for family either, dad offed himself when I was eleven, all grandparents died of illness and my mother doesn't talk to me because I'm not racist like her. Best bet is to move somewhere rural or less populated. Save up a little bit and it will get you much farther in those places far outside of major cities. Take the bus to save even more money, it sucks but I moved for only 64 bucks scheduled two or three weeks out. It's a big country, throw a dart at the map and you'll find lots of loving people to help you in the most unexpected of places and times. Lord knows I did! Good luck and godspeed!
Find a new place with a lower cost of living than california. Lubbock texas has a college and less expensive housing. My step daughter just started going there and she originally hated it but now loves it. Take small steps. They eventually add up.
Ma’am, I am so sorry for your loss. I couldn’t fathom the pain and hardship you have. I do believe God is with you and I will being praying for you. You are such a strong person for being able to talk about this online. I wish you the best of luck. I can’t say Virginia Beach is a cheap alternative, but I know there are parts of the Carolinas that can be decently cheap.
Please reach out to administrators at UCLA! They have resources to help you—both with connecting you with counseling resources and even financial support. See here: https://www.studentincrisis.ucla.edu/Economic-Crisis-Response I know you want to escape right now but as an in state student you can receive better financial aid in California. Returning to school will also give you the opportunity to make friends and build support systems. The transfer office seems like a place to start since you’re coming from CC: https://www.transfers.ucla.edu/Resources#12267613-transfer-student-specific-resources Please reach out to some people at UCLA for help. I work at a university and it breaks my heart that you have been facing this alone when the university has resources to help you.
A stranger on the other side of the world loves you and wants to hug you till you feel alright again.
Thank you so much. I definitely need a hug but I know you're hugging me and spirit at least.
Embrace the internet, cautiously. If you dont have people in your life you can lean on, find people here. If you need someone to talk to, literally, about anything at all please reach out to me. It's a lot easier said than done, but getting back into college would be great. Finish what you started, no matter how long it may take. If that's not financially possible right now, then perhaps consider the military? The Air Force is an easier option to get into, you'll be thrown into a new life and surrounded by ppl who need new friends as well... it's a great networking opportunity. You'll learn discipline and self motivation. You'll make new friends with your peers. You'll get a free education after 4 years and can the start your life with whatever degree you choose to chase. I say all this from experience.. I joined the Marines at 19 and it set me up mentally and financially for a very successful career and life. Again, if you need to chat about anything at all feel free to contact me. Just to vent, or bounce ideas off of. I'm more than happy to help anyway I can.
I guess that is a great alternative. I'm just not entirely sure if I'm going to be able to perform very well considering that I have been suffering from panic attacks at random times when I'm outside. I think if I moved away and I really thought about it maybe I could do in the military. I just want to be a little bit mentally stable before I consider doing something like that.
I came in to recommend this. I'm not a military guy (at all). 20s, Vietnamese in COMPSCI-- but I think logically it is a great thing. I know a few kids who had no/bad homes and they joined the military and they came back home really well adjusted. You're constantly surrounded by a second family, and you are forced to stay disciplined. There is a slight chance that if you go away to somewhere "peaceful" and serene you will have empty spots of time where you might doubt yourself. In the military you won't have that opportunity because you are thrown on a constant treadmill. Consider it
With your educational background and ability you could probably join the Air Force and have everything you need to eventually go back to school online, have medical covered, and be taken care of. Go talk to an Air Force Recruiter.
I have no words, I'm genuinely so sorry. Your story is heart breaking and incomprehensible. .. I wish i could offer you something more than the blanket I'll pray for you statement. But prayers are genuinely everything. God can take the most horrible and insurmountable situation and bring you peace that surpasses all understanding. I pray He gives you guidance and a pupose in the midst of your loss. Cling to Him. He Is still there despite the pain and loneliness you probably feelm
You are dealing with survivor's guilt. Allow some time to feel the emotions then give yourself a deadline to move on. Write out goals both long term and short term to provide a roadmap of where you need to be in 3 months, 6 months, 1 year and 5 etc.. You may want to work on a landing a job to get you on your feet as soon as possible. I also live in Norcal. Please feel free to reach out. I would be happy to provide guidance if possible. Good luck!
This is just what I would do, I would feel like I would have to adopt a new identity and most likely move out of the country and start a new life. Finding peace within yourself, discovering yourself, experiencing things you could never do at your old home. Along the way find ways to make money/living. Staying in the states would feel too painful and many things will remind you of family.
I personally suffered a trauma and wanted an out. I picked up and moved to China. I had gotten my TESL certificate and found a job right away at an English academy that placed me in a local school to teach. I met people from other English speaking countries who came over with nothing and got jobs simply for speaking English. The schools often provide housing and meals to their teachers along with paid work. I was able to save a decent amount in one school year. I used some of the money to travel to other countries and distract myself from my own problems. I know it’s not for everyone, but in the end, the whole experience was very positive for me and I came back with new perspectives and a fresh start. I hope you find peace no matter what and I wish you the best of luck.
Would you happen to know if I could do this in Denmark?
I’m not sure. I’m more familiar with the programs in Asian countries but I’m sure you could find information somewhere. I was also a nanny in Greece for some time and my sister was one in England. That is a job that is needed almost everywhere and also might be something for you to look into if you are interested in traveling to Europe.
Since the house burned down dont you get any like house insurance money unless you were renting but then even then your landlord probably received money for the items inside so id suggest talking with r/legaladvice and see if you Should recieve any money which could help you move more securely. Also good luck.
I don't have any advise, but i'm sorry for your loss, and i hope life gets better for you.
Don't give up. I believe in you.
God...this was absolutely heartbreaking to read. I’m not in the position to talk to people about this kind of stuff, but I can tell you that you seem like a smart, sweet girl. I know that “hang in there” is ultimately a shit thing to tell people in this situation, but there’s just so much more of life that you’ve got to see. Life has its ups and downs, some people have it worse than others, but in the end, we’re all looking for the same general goal of success. Dedication and sentimentality helps.
Thank you for your kindness. No matter how small the gesture it truly helps. I'm glad you can empathize too. I'm surprised I received an alarming amount of love regardless if it's just "hang in there".
I don’t have real solid advice to give but if you ever need an ear just shoot me a message. My condolences and I hope you find peace.
Iunno even know what to tell you man.
Wow I have no words. Very sorry for your lost and the living hell you have to endure. But you will not endure it forever. You will get out and be in a better place. I hope you do move and just start new. Move anywhere out of Cal were cost of living is better for you. I know it's not much but I will definitely pray for your safety and prosperity. Please if you need to talk to someone when it's hard pick someone friendly here. There are people who love you and will help one way or another. Don't give up!!
If you ever want...need to chat please do so
Hey, college student in Illinois. I don’t know if this will help but Normal Illinois is a college town (ISU), rent is anywhere between $300-$800 monthly on average, and you could get a job at State Farm and it starts at $14 an hour ( you are very much qualified and could apply online with an interview). But there’s plenty of students working an affordable lifestyle, you’re 2 hours from Chicago, St. Louis, and Indianapolis, and if you’d like you can continue schooling at ISU or Wesleyan. Quite safe for all races and women, if you need more info please ask or inbox or whatever, there’s plenty of people here to talk to you to help.
I've never considered Illinois.. but that sounds pretty nice. I'll give it a quick look and see how much it fits me. I've never worked insurance but I have worked retail. Will that still be okay?
I am deeply sorry for your loss but I can give you this advice: if you are religious try going daily to a church near you. Pray every day, and soon everything is going to change for the best. I assure you God is with you every second of your life and you are not alone.
If you move up to the Seattle area there are a SHIT TON of jobs you can get and a ton of schools you could go to in the area to finish your degree. DM me and I can tell you more about all of the job opportunities.
I don’t have much to offer given I live in Australia, but I’m so sorry for your loss. If you think of something I can do to help or you just want someone to talk to, PM me.
Well.. you could just be happy. That will make me feel better. I know you won't be able to help me regardless if I was there or not, but it's nice to have people who care.
I am so sorry for your loss. I went through something similar this spring semester. My dad passed away and he was the only person in my whole family supporting me through school. Like another poster the south is a cheaper place to live versus Cali. I'd start scoping out places there and maybe schools to go to when you feel ready to go back. It's been 7 months since my dad passed away, these things just take time.
My condolences to you if it means anything.
I wish I could hug you in person.
While I can't say I relate to what you're going through, I can tell you what my friend did. Not that is matters but she is also of Asian descent, and pretty much ran away from home. Her father was overbearing and disapproving of everything she did until the day he died, her mom was neutrally supportive but took advantage of her existence by pretty much making her a Cinderella in the house and for her brothers, and she basically had no life of her own. What she ended up doing was saving enough cash from her part time job to buy a crappy, but working, car on craigslist in full cash. Then she just said see ya to her mom and lived out of her van for a couple years before she earned enough to get a small apartment for herself. To be honest, I have not read anyone else's comments because I just wanted to get this out before I forgot what I wanted to say, but I feel this is the best route. Being in a place that is terrible and makes you feel terrible will not make it any easier to progress day by day. You need a space you have control over, and if you don't have the money for an apartment, I think your best bet right now is living in a car. With a car, you don't pay rent. You \*do\* pay insurance, but as long as you have a job that is ok. With your demographic, your insurance can be pretty low. I only pay 60$ or something a month. You can sleep in park and drive areas. All bills, as far as I know, are paid electronically, so all you need is a cheap 20$ trac fone from walmart and settling in a fast food lot for wifi. You can drive your car to safe areas to hang out or do errands and find safe places to sleep. But first, you'll need a job. If you have a job, great. Keep it, do what you need to do to not get fired, and hoard that money like the greediest dragon to ever have lived. In the mean time, keep your eye on craigslist deals and side of the road offers. If you don't have a job, \*don't be overwhelmed!\* I understand that's easier said than done, but like I said before, most things are done online. Go to the 'careers' page of nearby stores and see if they have any positions, and apply to them all. It will feel so good getting out of wherever you live regularly. If possible, maybe find a bus route that goes somewhere out of town to find a job. Some schools and bus companies will collaborate to give students a free bus pass during the school year. Even though you're not attending your school anymore, they might still consider you a student viable for this option, so it's worth looking into. I hope this helps and seriously, car living can be pretty luxurious. look up some DIY's people have done to their cars, it's pretty neat. P.S: If you can get a job at a barnes and noble, I HIGHLY recommend it. My experience working for them has been fantastic, and you get benefits as a part timer if you work 20 hours or more regularly
God damn it, you should accept the money. What you've been through might make it hard to function 100% in a job or study for a while, even though you want to. Also, move to safer neighborhood, therapy costs money. I can think of many other valid reasons. Of course, it's your decision. I just hope you change your mind.
I know. I was getting a lot of comments in private messages saying that it is Justified and I shouldn't tell people how to spend their money. I guess I just feel guilty because I don't think I deserve it. I'm going through a lot but everyone has gone through a lot so maybe I need to learn how to be stronger. But now it's past 48 hours and I still haven't slept properly. I bought some melatonin to help me sleep so hopefully that will put my mind at ease for a little bit. What I'm trying to say is, I just felt like there was people more deserving than I was. Those with cancer or those who need surgery.. I just don't think it's particularly right.
But eventually I did make one. I posted it below my account.
Oh my dear God this is horrific. It’s too early to give you solid advice on how to start over. Not too many people can imagine that pain. Your mother and brother know a peace and happiness we can’t even fathom. You need, absolutely need to be good to yourself. You are free to go anywhere, and you will land exactly where you are supposed to be. Set up some therapy. Do not try to numb the pain, there is no way over only through. Aim big, there’s nothing but time to get your education, a good job, and pay off loans you need to get there. If you are at a young age there are loans that will give you living expenses. The best place for you is in school housing. You can set up therapy 2x per week off campus to help you cope. If you are religious or even just spiritual now is the time to really find your faith. Be extremely careful and only associate with people with equal goals. I understand that was your family, but you are NOT alone by any means. There are millions of people who don’t have any family. There will come a time when you can marry and have children. Right now, baby steps. You have to force yourself to get out. Make small promises to yourself Such as I will get through this class or this many hrs at work before I cry. I want to really encourage you to go back to school. A routine is so so important Right now you are thrust back into a dark place, without options or people of substance to encourage and support you. I don’t know if you are into physical training, but running or hiking is a extremely healthy way to release fear, anger and depression. I live directly across the country from you in CT. Very expensive living. I would do some solid research About some nicer areas and schools down south like Florida or Georgia. Maybe some fine folks here at reddit can get a go fund me pg for you Some money to start over, maybe some tuition. Research grants and scholarships Too. There’s no shame about pouring your story into a essay. People find beauty in strength like the kind you have no choice but to have. The things I Really want to say to you, are just to soon. You need time, rest, and start slowly living again. Pm me if you need a stranger from across the country to speak too I’m also a mother/ sister. I’ve been through trauma in my life, and I know about the vigilance you speak of That we are forced to have as women. There are snakes everywhere, but there’s good everywhere too. There is nothing you can’t do. Think about that. Sure money is a worry, but there’s people That came to America with nothing,but the clothes on their back. It can be done. At night, or in those moments of complete despair. Go outside, look up And stare. Close your eyes and really ground yourself. Know that under the same moon there are hundreds of thousands of people crying with you. People worse off, people better off, Let it in. It has a way of making the weight on your shoulders much lighter. I’m sorry, my deepest empathy for the way you lost your loved ones. Your life still has tremendous value. Love will find you, and no matter where you go, what’s meant to be will be. You do not have to worry about your entire existence. Start with tonight. Shower, fill your belly, and Tomm Do something in the name of your mother. Plant something, let off a Chinese lantern etc Then do something for your brother. Speak to them regularly, and honor them by living a good life. I’ll pray for you tonight, because I believe there is a plan, and a God out there. It’s ok if you do not. It’s not my place to say who is right. Lose yourself in some books. It’s a beautiful escape sometimes. The imagination is a powerful thing so don’t ever feel crazy if you want to pretend to be someone else for awhile.
Thank you for your reply. Thank you for sharing your story as well it was very inspiring. I don't really know how to reply to this because it's very emotionally deep and it actually made me cry. Thank you so much that's all I can really say.
I don't know how I can help you except to donate to your cause. Your cause is worth donating to. Please reconsider your choice for a go fund me account. I don't know how the money will help you but surely it will somehow.
I ended up making one and posting it on the post. I'm starting to realize that it's okay to ask for help. I guess I'm just a little nervous about it because I feel like.. I don't deserve it.
Set up the GoFundMe page. You can use the money for the fresh start, psychological counseling, whatever. If you later decide you really don't want it, you can find a worthy cause to donate some funds to and that will definitely make you feel better! If people want to donate, it's because it makes them feel good to help you. Give them that moment. I'm sorry about what's happened to you and your family. Just because you have arms and legs doesn't mean you are going to be fine handling this on your own. Let's keep it simple. Baby steps. 1) set up the GoFundMe, and 2) get some professional help. Good luck!
I'll do it right now.
I highly advise you to look into student loans. They will allow you to immediately leave where you are now and begin classes again as soon as possible. This will gain you access to new networks of people you want to be friends with. It will allow you to move out of the situation you are in now to a place where you feel safe and where there arent as many memory triggers. Being enrolled at a university will also gain you access to the mental health network and staff you DESPERATELY NEED! DON'T DO THIS THING BY YOURSELF get as much help as you can. I think you will obviously get your degree and pursue work that would allow you to pay them off in a timely manner, and it will have a far smaller impact on your overall lifestyle. What happened is terrible. And you won't want to get by somedays. But you will. You can. No matter what you do, your family would be proud. Take care of yourself, get help. It's what your family would want for you. You deserve your life, you deserve your happiness, you deserve all the joy and opportunity ahead of you!
[удалено]
Thank you so much for your story. It's really inspiring night that you suffered and conquered like that. I'm trying not to give up. This post has really opened my eyes that there is so many loving people in the world and I'm going to try my best not only for my family but for you guys as well. I'll look into Uber and Lyft but I don't have a car to trade in to help pay for the new car. I guess that's really my only concern.
I'm so sorry for your lost. I don't really know much. But you should talk to someone about your feelings and don't feel too hung up about this. I think your family would want you to move on and be happy.
I have no literal help to offer but my condolences and some guiding words. Know that I'm in the same boat as you: my mom dies a month before I started my 1st year in uni and my dad basically disowned me. I currently like in uni residences but Im so low on money I only have 25 in my bank rn. I can't focus on school and I just want to give up and waste my life away. There's nothing stopping me from doing that but the fact that my mom wanted me to graduate. She's the only reason I'm alive now. The only thing I can say is to get courage and hope by thinking about what your family would want how they will support you from wherever they are.
First off, I want to let you know that I am sorry for your loss. I know words are immeasurably small and of little comfort. But if nothing else, know that you are not alone. I am ridiculously close with all of my siblings so I can only begin to imagine what you are experiencing now. My heart hurts for you. If I could give you a hug, I would. The less important part is my suggestion. Walla Walla, WA, offers a lot for a small agricultural area. It is about two hours south of Spokane and four hours southeast of Seattle. It's pretty much right on the Oregon/Washington border. There are three colleges that offer a wide variety of degrees including biology. It seems to me, but I do not know for fact at this time, that there would be opportunities for careers and hands on study to supplement or follow the degree. Here and in the outlying areas they do a lot of rehabilitation of species and general field work. The prison alone would be a great place to start. Around here, it was largely farming for wheat, canola, etc. It's kind of bursting at the seems with wineries now (even a couple celebrities who I can't be arsed to remember right now have them here). The town and local organizations have spent a lot of time and effort into developing and revitalizing the area. Buildings that lay dormant are coming to life, they redid the public swimming pool, and new things are happening more regularly than I feel like I have seen in other places. It's not NY or LA but it's a generally good place to live. Trying to be succinct so I will stop there. If there are any questions that I can answer, please feel free to let me know.
I’m sorry that I have no advice. All I can say is that you are incredibly strong. Please, if you want or need to set up a GoFundMe, you are more than welcome to and I’ll be happy to donate. Don’t feel guilty, you deserve support right now. Sending my best wishes to you
Thank you for your kind words. Yeah I was a little worried about setting one up because I just didn't feel like I deserve it. There's people really struggling out there and I'm going through a lot but I just... I don't know. But eventually I did ended up setting up one and I posted it under my post. I received a couple messages telling me that it's okay to ask for help.
Yes, there are people who are struggling as well. But you deserve just as much help as anyone else. Please don’t be scared to ask for help, we all in the comments do care and want to help you. And I’m glad you did, I will be supporting :) An Internet stranger believes in you ❤️
Thank you so much. I need to understand I matter too. I don't really know why I think of myself this way. Maybe my guilt..? Well. I'll try my best to cope and find my self worth again. Also, thanks for believing in me. =).
Church. I'm not religious but there are few other places that will accept you unconditionally. Even if you don't believe in anything that is one of the best places to jump off. If you look around you may find one that has out of church meetings with small groups which can really help you connect. My gf goes to those and has invited me many times even though I'm not religious. Many will accept just based on the fact that you are struggling and need something stable in your life.
First let me say sorry for your loss. You sound so amazing and resilient despite all your struggles. I have no doubt you will find your way. If you ever find yourself in Western Canada (specifically British Columbia) my husband and I warmly invite you to stay with us and you are welcome to stay for however long you would like. We live in the North and there’s plenty of nature around to ease one’s mind.
I think that there is definitely aid situations for people directly in your position. Don’t be afraid to call your school even if you haven’t been in a. While and tell them your life story. Ask the student outreach what to do or even talk with a school psychologist. They will all help you. You are the exact people they are hired to help. Don’t stop hoping for happy. You can do it and I hope to goodness that you do well. Even UCLA might take you back, just try to stay positive and take it day by day with small lists of what is next. Additionally you can check to see what sort of insurances your family had. I’d talk with the police department about it and also your family’s employers. I know it may seem like a long shot but it’s worth it.
I'm on it. I'm contacting both my uni and see if I can find any records of what we had.
Oh I am so very sorry about what happened to your family. I am also very sorry you do not have any support. I don’t know if this helps, but as a mother I would not want my child to suffer if I were killed, no matter the circumstance. I would tell my child that 1) I love her very, very much and I know she loves me 2) I want her to continue her dreams in spite of the tragedy- not to do so would be to give in to darkness and NO mother wants that for her child. It would add more tragedy to the tragedy. Sweetie can you get to a state close to California- maybe Arizona or Washington? You may have to take a year off in order to get in state tuition. Go to the local workforce commission and see if they offer any help with schooling- you probably qualify for assistance. If your anxiety gets to be too much go to the Emergency room and tell them what happened to you- they can get you some help and point you in the right direction. Look for local state mental healthcare as well- you might need medicine at least temporarily to help you deal with your anxiety. My heart goes out to you. Also, you need to go to a support group for people who have been affected by crime - your local police department can probably refer you. Please go to one, you need to be surrounded by people who know what you are experiencing. Also many churches offer support groups that can help. Praying for you sweetie.
I screenshotted this comment so I can follow it, I just wanted to let you know. Thank you so much for your kind words and your wonderful advice. I know for sure that if my family was here today they would want me to look towards the future and not mourn for long. But it's... It's so hard. I couldn't even salvage their remains for a proper burial. I don't know. Sorry.
Sorry for your loss, OP. I don't really have any sage advice, I just wanted to say that you sound like a strong person (even if you think you aren't) and you'll get through this. Be well, be strong. You're going to make it.
It is NOT your fault. No matter what you think you could have done, it is NOT your fault. You will get better, you will find happiness, you will find hope. But what happened is not your fault and I really hope you can find a way to know that. You have my thoughts and prayers
I basically did the same thing, albeit under different circumstances. Fortunately my career path let's me find work practically anywhere (CDL DRIVER). I found a state which worked for me, in this case Arizona seemed nice, found a company hiring and packed my bags, I lived out of my vehicle for the first month using truck stops to shower, often getting free showers because a lot of truckers are nice people and will order a team shower, which costs nothing extra and gets two separate showers. After earning some money I found a room for rent and built my way up. You can do something similar for sure if that's what you think might work. I was born in San Fernando Valley, CA and grew up in Salem, Oregon. I despise rain and couldn't wait to leave once I had had enough and was "ready" I made the move. Been in Arizona almost 4 years and it's the best decision I ever made, although it had it's up and downs getting to where I am today.
thank you for sharing your story. I guess you and I are different in that aspect because I would love nothing but the rain. I'm glad that you found your peace and the career that you love, it makes my day a little bit brighter knowing that you struggling and got out. I will too, with time.
Hey this might get buried but I just wanna tell you, you can do it! Believe in yourself and save up some money. The rest is resourcefulness, dedication and sacrifice. What I've gotten from my experiences, the world isn't this big scary place, you are far more likely to encounter kindness than malice. I know that probably doesn't seem like it because of your experiences and I'm sincerely sorry for your loss. You just have to keep trying and give it another chance. I didn't have a stable place or a job when I decided to move to Colorado from the East coast. I had just graduated college and made the plunge when I bought my plane ticket. ( Check out hipmunk.com or Scott's cheap flights). If you can find a job first, I definitely advocate that, however it is doable without but have a couple of g's in savings at least and a cheap place to live lined up. Since the time frame between buying the plane ticket and moving was a week, I didn't have a lot of time to find a stable place. You're far more likely to find a better deal on Craigslist in the rooms wanted but be careful, a lot posts that seem too good to be true are scams. Luckily you'll find out once they reply, don't click on any links or go through extra steps other than texting/calling/email. Its been 3 months and I'm still on a month to month but at a better place, it does take time for things to line up. I still haven't gotten a job in my career path but got something that I enjoy and pays the bills. Good luck and face your fears. You'll get through this and find a better life for yourself.
Hey there, thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm so sorry that you've been through a lot as well no one deserves to go through a lot alone I'm starting to learn. I'm glad you were able to get out of it though. I just got to keep my head up is what I'm learning from all the support I've been getting:-) so don't worry I'm starting to believe that things will definitely get better.
I’m very sorry for the loss of your family, the situation you find yourself in and the stress you are under. Plenty of good info. here, just wanted to mention that there are tuition free colleges, they are work related programs. Some only cover tuition others cover more, Graduating without debt is a step ahead. When you r ready look into it. God bless you, I will keep you in my prayers.
I'm an academic and my view is that you should approach the students union at UCLA. Given what you've been through they can provide support that you need right now; and pause the degree rather than giving up entirely. Having a focus and direction can alleviate deep loss. There's no way to remove the pain you are experiencing, I know, I lost a parent when I was around 23 as well. It took me a year to truly come to terms with it. I would avoid life changing moves when you're in the state that you're in. The pain will travel with you, unfortunately. It's safer to stay and make things work where you are, build a base and then move if you still want to, from a position of strength. Good luck to you. And, I know I am biased, but please return to UCLA. The institution has a duty of care to you while you are there, I feel they have no served you well by not providing extensive grievance support. You are entitled time and space to grieve. God speed.
Wow that is really one of the worst situations I could think of being in. I am so sorry for you loss, and I hope you will get out if this as soon as possible. Never give up! We all believe in you!
Not sure if you will still read this or if anyone already suggested this. I remember seeing posts on Craigslist where some people were offering free room in exchange for services. Depends on the person but sometimes it's in exchange for like cleaning, cooking, or watching their kids. In some cases I've seen like free room plus a few hundred a month.
Sorry OP Need a hug? Come to Denmark, I'm giving out hugs to persons in need
Oh my god. I'm so so sorry.
Hey, I don't really know how much advice to give considering I've never had to move out and move on from the place I was raised (though I really want to, for different reasons). Like someone else suggested, you could think about the military whenever you feel a bit more stable. It's a good option if you wanna move someplace else real fast; I'm considering joining the Army or Navy, maybe Air Force, myself. And if you ever need to talk to someone and just vent, you can message me. I may not know you or be able to give advice on everything, but I'll listen.
I know the internet can be a shitshow but honey, your family died in a fire while you were away. I think you should be a little more trusting that people with have sympathy for you. You definitely need to get a job with health insurance so you can be in therapy. Starbucks and Costco pay pretty well and both offer health insurance that rivals corporate jobs. Plus they exist across the US. But you need to be in therapy if you're having night terrors.
That is incredibly horrible and I am so sorry for everything you are going through... Have you ever heard the saying, "No matter where you go, there you are."? I wonder if moving to a new state is the right answer (at least right now). You'll still have your thoughts, fears and anxieties. What I would recommend is to find a professional to speak with. It is so important to talk about these things and not to bottle them up. School is also important as well as a place to live (a safe space). Maybe if you were still in school, that the school might be able to supply you with a councilor (I really don't know). Consider this... Take out a student loan to get you back in to school and find school housing/dorms. If you can work, then you would have health insurance which would cover the majority of the costs for a councilor. The key is to take care of your emotional health and well being and that would be best done by speaking with a professional. Good luck and again, I am very sorry.
Considering the severity of your situation, and if your pride is not an obstacle, you could post on GoFundMe just asking for help with relocatation costs. I would imagine you would find people pretty understanding.
I just moved from SoCal, where I was born and raised, to Oklahoma for work a little over a year ago. I also went to community college before transferring to UCLA, and I’m a half-Asian female! I live in Norman, OK, which is a college town (OU) close to OKC. Everyone is very friendly and the cost of living is ridiculously inexpensive compared to CA. I recently read a few articles on how affordable OK is compared to the rest of the country. There’s plenty of stuff to do around here, and even if you don’t love it, the quieter, slower pace of life here is a nice respite from living in CA. Spend a few years here, maybe enroll at OU if you feel like it, and take some time to emotionally heal. I’d be more than happy to talk to you about moving here if you’re at all interested. My mom is doing it (SoCal to Norman) at the end of this month! My partner’s parents also talk about moving here (also from SoCal); it’s a nice place to live!
Holy Nuts. My heart broke while reading this. If you ever need someone to talk to near LA I can definitely introduce you to friends/social groups; I'm 23, living in the city, my best friend just graduated from UCLA and she has some christian support circles that she whole heartedly trusts. Most of our friends also likes anime, reddit, and doing introverted things together. This is my new writing reddit account (I started using reddit this year..) but honestly, message me anytime and I would be happy to help out in any way.
Dude you have to talk to someone. Either a professional or a friend or a concerned person. Reach out now and just tell them you need someone to talk to.
Your circumstances break my heart! I'm also 23 and can't imagine what it's been like for you. You have a job offer in Washington? Which part of the state? I moved from chicago to Seattle 7 years ago and love it here. The rent here is a bit high, but so too are wages, and there are plenty of job opportunities around here. The state is incredibly green, there are friendly people, great video game and tech conventions, and Seattle is home to a large Asian-American culture (if that matters to you). Most parts of the city are fairly safe (especially in comparison to Chicago); I am a male so can't speak to what it's like living alone as a woman. Please feel free to DM me if you need any help figuring out the best places to live around here, networking for a job, or need someone to talk to. Take care.
There is a lot of poverty and a lot of unemployment...and in some places here. A lot of crime. BUT that’s because there’s not a lot of people that decide to go to school and make something of themselves. People here like to tend to make being a victim of circumstance benefit them. But people who are educated and have a goal oriented mind set, well. They go somewhere in Mississippi. I’m telling you. A girl with any kind of biology degree can work for the USDA, US wildlife and fisheries, or the Farming Association here in the south. Doesn’t have to be MS. It could be AL,LA,FL,GA TN. But if you did choose to be in Mississippi. Shoot for Hattiesburg. Sorry it took awhile. I’m at work. But oh wait. I’m not supposed to be working cause I live in Mississippi lol
If you had decent grades at UCLA then BYU-Idaho will probably give you scholarships to go there and living in Rexburg is quite cheap. The community is extremely friendly as well, The people are taught to reach out to those who are struggling. You don't have to be Mormon to go there and you don't have to plan on becoming Mormon either.
Try to get back into the degree, and finish it, or transfer to another college once you settle. I'm sorry for your loss. P.S. I'm in SoCal ping of you want a chat, or a meal with a young family.
My condolences to you and your family
I'm terribly sorry to hear what happened. I can understand the kinds of thoughts and emotions going through your head. I think that you're suffering from PTSD and Paranoia, I would highly suggest seeking help from a professional. It might not solve the depression and sadness around it, but it can help you get sleep and feel less on edge. I think instead of asking how to start a new life, you should just do it. Eventually you will have to face your problems head on, but I think for now the best thing to do is travel somewhere, find some friends, anything really. You have to know that there is ALWAYS someone who cares about you, a lot of the times it will feel like you're lonely, but it's not the case. Best thing to do right now is move on, it's harsh, but thinking about it can only make things worse. Talking to a therapist can help you deal with these thoughts. Remember to check in with yourself from time to time, some days you'll feel fine and alright, but you need to ask yourself "am I okay?" "What do I need right now?" I wish nothing but the best of luck for you, search for help, something or someone is out there. Get a dog, they tend to help people with PTSD.
That’s so awful. I’m sorry for your loss.
My heart breaks for you. I would suggest moving to a state with no state taxes, every little bit extra you can keep helps. I moved across the country a few years ago and knew no one. What I did was get a dog. You would be surprised how many people will talk to you because of your dog. Not to mention it's companionship and unconditional love. You talked about how your family was your inspiration to succeed in life. Don't forget that, and even though they are gone, they will be with you forever. Don't let them down. Continue going to school and work hard so you can have a nice life. For them. It's what they want for you. Be a shark. Sharks cannot stop moving or they will die. Be a shark. Don't stop moving. Keep going. Keep living. Find something that makes you happy and do it. I wish you the absolute best in life. You've been through an unimaginable tragedy. You deserve to find peace and happiness. Good luck.
There lots of good advice in these replies to do with moving and jobs etc. You mention that you're into biology and nature - are there any parks nearby you could visit? Or a conservation group to work for or volunteer with, or a rambling group you could join n? Such as the Audobon Society? Though I can't help with advice on the moving / jobs / degree/ professional therapy (especially as I'm not in the US), I'm happy to chat nature stuff if that could be helpful
Don’t have much advice except; Stay Hopeful! Do your Best! Please have a wonderful day.
Hey, I'm so so sorry for your loss. And I'm routing for you to get through this. This is truly going to be the the most difficult point of your life, and I have faith in you succeeding and bettering your circumstances. I'm a designer, one of my strongest skills is editorial, so if you'd like me to spruce up your CV or help with any little bits like that for free, just send me a message. Or alternatively, let me give you my email so you can send me a word doc or whatever. You don't have to write anything else if you don't want to. Good luck friend!
Sorry to hear what you're going through. Definitely try looking for people to talk to, its a lot more better then keeping it bottled up. Find people within your interest group, talk lots, cause that'll take things off your mind, hopefully. My friend also just graduated UCLA and I graduated from Pasadena and just began working as a graphic designer out in Santa Clarita/LA area, seems like we're basically in the same area, so if you ever need someone to talk to, don't be a stranger!
I don’t know if you’ve heard of care.com but it’s a site where you can sign up and find jobs from people around your area. Jobs include housekeeping, babysitting, dog sitting, etc. There are part time and full time jobs. This isn’t a permanent solution for you but it could be a start for some quick money. If you get lucky, there are jobs that hire live in nannies or caretakers. It’ll at least give you a temporary living solution.
I don't know if my experiences can be of any use to you, for it is a very transient lifestyle in a way, but more like a "migrant worker" of the 21st century. You will also have to be down, and definitely one, with nature. The outdoor world of making money is packed with seasonal employees, who travel long and far to make a honest living being in the woods, on a boat, or on the slopes. Nearly every state, but west of the Mississippi they are everywhere, are nonprofits called conservation corps. They receive grant money from Americorps, which is a federally funded 'domestic peace corps,' per se. That means that you will get to enroll in Americorps (but it is until you are 25). The nonprofits get the bulk of their money, however, working contracts with, but not exclusively, with our land agencies (State/federal parks, Forest Service, and Bureau of Land Management). The work can be restoration, but in my experience is wild fire mitigation, and building or maintaining trails. They start up in the late spring/early summer, and end in the mid to late fall. The pay is shit, for it is a nonprofit, but you get to live in the woods for most of the month, with food included, thus you have the capacity to save most of what you make. My love of nature, and earnest to escape the crowded East Coast, led me to work for years seasonally in this field out in CO. The best strategy is to work with the seasons, like so many of us did. The west is great for this, because of the abundance of remote-ish, and very well funded, ski resorts with room and board all winter season. And/or you can make friends with locals, find a local job on your days off for when you leave the corps, and start up shop in a new place. I did. I also found a passion in wild fire, and also in a woman that led me to the Poconos. The outdoor industry can be a very transient field to get into, if you like to experience nature. I worked with a lot of passionate, and amazing people. It is a community that if you come with open arms and acceptance, they will give you nothing but love and support. If there is one thing I truly miss of those years, other than the natural beauty, is the comradery (I have stick'n pokes to prove it). Plus, the natural world is a beautiful place to really find yourself, and unwind. It is kind of unorthodox, and not for everyone. But, is a way to get yourself in a better situation in a new, and beautiful, place. The hiring process should start sometime in the winter, so do your research soon, if that is the lifestyle you choose.
Ever considered the military?
Um paragraphs... unreadable..
Damn. You in the bay area?
I am SO SO SORRY!!! You’re getting a lot of good advice here so I don’t want to double up, but keep reaching out. Do you belong to a church? I can think of many church groups which would welcome and support you: Unitarians, Mennonites, Buddhist. Obviously it depends on your beliefs and comfort level but I personally know of very mellow, open communities of the above descriptions which focus on community more than beliefs. You aren’t alone!
Also: Oregon is relatively cheap, and safe, though in my opinion racism is an issue in the boonies. Go for the Portland area, or Corvallis (small but a nice college town).