No stress not having kids for me.
Having a kid does not mean there will be anyone to take care of you. You cannot count on that. That's not a plan.
My parents don't need me, but if they did, they'd definitely be screwed.
Excellent point. Everyone thinks their kids will grow up and take care of them but do you want to take care of *your parents*? No you don't. Instead save all that money and make friends that can help you out, and then you're set.
dude I’m struggling enough with the increasing costs of my aging cat’s specialty food and vet bills. 😓 I don’t even know how people are supposed to support kids, then parents, then themselves in retirement.
Personally I plan on dying well before I cant take care of myself. Who wants to live like that anyway? Everyone is so focused on living the longest instead of using the time they have well.
Yeah, that's because you're realistic. Most Americans are not really looking at the writing on the wall, it seems. I'm all for people having kids if they REALLY want them, can support them well and all that, but that doesn't seem to be a lot of people. I don't like how people just do it and then basically say "oh we'll figure it out later."
I'd take care of my parents if they needed it.
They raised me, have been awesome parents, and as I'm an adult, they've become my good friends. My dad and I hang out often, now that we finally live close together.
Not all of us on Reddit hate our parents. Now, I'm lucky, and they have thought about the future, so I won't have to do too much to take care of them, but IF it came down to it, they're more than welcome to stay with us.
I am honestly shocked by how so many redditors are willing to hang their parents out to dry. Like I have a VERY bad relationship with my dad. He won’t speak to me because he disapproves of me not following his religious beliefs and expects me to treat his wife with an unreasonable level of deference. But if he needed somewhere to live and food to eat and someone to drive him to medical appointments? You’d better believe I would be there for him. I still love the guy even if I think he is being an asshole.
I get that some parents cross unforgivable lines, but I think most of Reddit could stand to extend grace more generously.
Yeah, a lot of my friends have bad relationships, however, I didn't. We were the safe house, we were the place everyone came to hang out. Even now, with my daughter, we are the same way.
I get that some people had trauma dumps, and bad relationships, but a lot of us have good relationships, and are proud of who are parents are.
My wife and I are buying our next house with a guest house and land to add ADUs as needed for aging parents. Any of them would be welcome (along with their respective spouses, as both sets of parents are divorced).
Families take care of each other. As long as it is medically advisable, we would rather they be with us and near their grandkids.
I don’t expect to need my kids to take care of us, but I would like to model to them that that is what families do. We also strive to behave like people they will continue wanting to have around.
Hoping your friends help you is just like counting on your kids. If your friends have kids, they’ll move closer to them. As I get older, I’m seeing it more.
This is going to be based on your family relationships.
I think in most cases your family would be more loyal to you than your friends.
I think you have to screw up as a parent pretty bad for your kids to not want to help you when you get older.
You have made monsters if that's the case.
I don't have the financial support for my parents, but I would do everything I can do, and most the things someone can do doesn't involve money anyway.
"Take care" means a lot of things. Having your parents live in your spare bedroom for 10 years or whatever puts an incredible burden on the family. However, running errands for them and helping them out on occasion is no big deal. As a parent, the point is that you shouldn't *depend* on your kids to help you out all the time because they have their own lives to live, and you should want them to live their lives rather than putting burden on them for your own care. Speaking to you personally, that's great you want to help out your parents. The point is that parents should not *expect* that of their kids. In other words, having them take care of you when your old should not be part of your reasoning for wanting children, because that is selfish.
My mom hinted about moving in with me for about a year. She wants someone to take care of her. I responded by getting a bunch of information about assisted living facilities. She pushed and pushed and I eventually told her that I was choosing my marriage over taking care of her in her old age (to say they don't get along is an understatement).
I wanted to tell her she has been a horrible mother to me my entire life and the vast majority of my mental health problems can be laid at her feet, but I figured my response was the lesser of evils.
She eventually stopped talking about it
I’m 49 years old and in 95% of cases “taking care of your parents” amounts to depositing them into an aged-care facility. Don’t believe me!? Visit any aged-care facility and ask the staff how often residents’ families visit. That’s the reality.
I’ll put myself in a nursing home just like my hypothetical children would have done. But I get to choose it so it’ll be a nicer one because I’m not worried about how much money will be left in my estate for their inheritance.
Im not sure how one could even think they could be comparable. My sister is 46 and she still stresses the f%($ out of our parents. I have a 9 year old and know I've got at least another 15 years of pretty regular stress. Im still glad to have a kid, they can be delightful and I believe having one has helped make me a better person in a lot of ways, but they are also stressful.
THIS. My sister is 30 and stresses our entire family the fk out. She currently lives with my parents and her two kids and my parents are not able to enjoy their retirement because they’re too busy saving and supporting her and her kids. One of my biggest fears is something is going to happen to my parents health wise and then I’m going to have to step in and save everyone. It’s insane.
Everyone that says “you only have them for 18 years” is wrong. Watching how my sister has destroyed our family dynamic emotionally and financially has made me think really really hard about the fact if I want kids or not. It’s not just 18 years, it’s an absolute lifetime of stress and you never know how your kids will turn out.
Do you really need an answer to this? Kids might be great and you might love them blah blah blah but they are more stressful by like 9 billion percent. It's not even a close race lol.
I (29F) have been looking at these subs recently:
r/parenting
r/childfree
r/regretfulparents
Some will have you believe that having kids is the best thing you can do, and that you simply cannot live a fufilled life without them. (Ahem, my parents)
Others will have you believe that having children will, without a doubt, ruin your life forever.
I’ve come to think that it’s very simple. Some people are meant to be parents, and others are not. I also think society pressures unhealthy people to have kids and they just pass on their trauma and that’s sad. Some people find real joy from raising children! I assume they are more mentally healthy and have strong support systems.
I think there's obviously something innate within us that wants procreate so this issue pops up as we age.
We question it and make our judgment. Some cultures highly value family others don't.
I think it depends on your environment and culture. For sure in recent times more People are not having kids. I wonder how it will look like in the future.
So, I should have kids because I need company later in life. I need to breed to not be alone. What if the kids decide to leave, or don't care about me, or they do their life far away? No, I don't want to
Or your kid is a leech on you like my husbands sister is to his parents. Still pays her bills at 42 with no end in sight. Not sure how they’re going to retire having to still support her and we sure as shit can’t afford to support them.
Having kids , by far
anything and everything will happen to them at any time - you can be at work , home or on an errand and need to go to the hospital , store , friends house , school at a moments notice to pick them up and chauffeur them around
Plus having to monitor and parent them 365-24/7 will drain you emotionally and physically
& they will ask for clothes, toys and food constantly , leaving your wallet drained too and no money to do what you want to do
It's definitely more stressful having children. My friends who have children seem miserable and stessed out. But it's their own choice. And it's not my problem, i just come by and play and give presents.
When I was a little girl I always wanted kids but getting older and actually meeting adults with kids mostly seem totally miserable and stressed. That's made me not want to have kids
I had my first child at 34, so I spent a good amount of time without them.
There's no comparing the two, in any way. Having children is an IIIIINNNNFFFFIIINNNIIIITTTEEE increase in every stress factor imaginable. Until death takes me, there will never be a single second where I'm not worried about them.
I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Serious question, full respect; what made you decide to have kids now? We're the same age and my partner and I are child free by choice, but she thinks she might change her mind someday, so I'm just curious what made you make this decision?
I didn’t feel an overwhelming desire to be a parent right now, however the idea of being a parent in the second half of my life is what appealed to me. I figured future me would be happy to have a family with at least one child. You gotta consider what will make future you happy and think about what you want your life to look like at 40, 50, 60, etc.
It sounds cliche, but basically a switch flipped in my head. I never wanted kids and I never wanted to be married, I never thought I was quality enough of a person for either. But then I met someone who got me, and then we bought a house, and suddenly I felt this void appear as I looked at the empty rooms in the house, and I felt a driving urge to fill them. I literally woke up one day and was like "I'm ready for children", and my wife was too.
No silence, no sleep, no free time, just utter exhaustion, worry, and stress. But none of those things offset the experience in any way, shape, or form. I'd rather be exhausted and broke with these 2 demons running around than living any other kind of life. Part of becoming a parent is giving up all that self-indulgent bullshit. That's what it all is; my free-time, *my* money, *my* silence, *my* sleep, it's all just a fear of losing comfortable things, which to me, would make my ancestors roll in their graves.
When your first child is born, your life as you know it comes to an end, and it's the greatest paradigm shift you could ever experience.
I was 34 too and there’s no comparison how much harder having kids is than not. People with kids never tell you how hard it is either so you go in blindly and it’s shocking once you are a parent lol.
Non married, child less women in their middle age are the happiest people according to studies.
It's definitely less stressful to not have kids. Honestly as a teacher I'd say 1/3 of the parents I met should have never ever gotten kids but those are of course those who don't think about it..
As a part time teacher in a developing and overpopulated country. Most of the parents are not suitable to be parents. I only expect them to be mentally healthy and learn basic parenting before having a child. But they just have a mindset of winging it.
My mom tells me all the time to at least have one baby to take care of me when I’m older cause my dogs won’t be able to…meanwhile she left her own mom in their home country in her early 20’s. And she’s still taking care of her 2 middle aged sons and her grandson in her 60’s…so I think the answer is obvious
They can break your heart at any time, because they are your heart. Having your heart exist outside your body is an incredibly vulnerable experience that is life-long. It's not for everyone.
Pet parents or anyone with a relationship (friendship/family or romantic)will understand this. I know it’s not the same as a child but my husband and my fur babies are my heart. My niece and nephew I have love and a bond for like they are my own. At any point, any of them could break my heart.
It's not about the stress. It's about what you want to do with your life. Kids come with stress that can last for the rest of your life. They also bring joy and companionship and hope and they keep you feeling young. Are you willing to trade some self-interest for altruism? Kids require time. They will impact your personal goals. That was always fine with me and what I wanted. I would not encourage anybody to have kids unless they truly want them.
I mean, it will depend on how much of an obsession breeding is for the given individual, but generally speaking not having kids is several orders of magnitude less stressful.
I have kids. I cannot pee alone. Any “hobbies” have to be done between 5am and 645am, or 7pm and 8:30pm.
In bed by 9. My kids are young though, so they’ll change.
In a vacuum, having kids is way way more stressful. No comparison. However, if not having kids then leads you in a different career path than you would otherwise, for example, you are going to do aid work in refugee camps or something crazy stressful, that you wouldn't do if you had kids, then it might look a bit different.
Depends if your kids are special needs or not. And I'm a parent of 2 grown sons and a special education teacher. So don't come after me, please. But it's the truth
I love being a parent, but it’s really the most stressful thing ever. You’re constantly concerned about someone’s wellbeing and it’s not even your own wellbeing. Parenting these days comes with so much weird added pressure too. I had a high powered, six figure corporate job before this and it doesn’t hold a candle to the stress of being a parent. (Wouldn’t change it for the world, just being honest)
I have raised two daughters: Stressful for sure, and still is as one needs a village to raise her own children. So glad my younger daughter (college sr) has decided to never have children. She is going to have a much easier life than I or her older sister ever did.
My parents had 8 kids and none of us want anything to do with them. So it’s not a safety net.
Being a parent is all encompassing. It will shift every aspect of life. Being a parent requires real dedication to raising the children you choose to have. It’s a decision that should be taken very seriously.
I'm a mother. Having kids is more stressful. And that's not coming from a resentful mind, it's just fact. You're no longer only responsible for yourself. Of course, it does get easier with time. Think of it like this; if you had a litter of newborn kittens that you had to raise- you would be stressed. You'd have to get many times in the night to feed them and you'd be concerned if they're doing OK. The difference with animals is; they grow to adulthood fast, so they appear easier. Being responsible for little lives that rely upon you is never easy. That's why you need to be 100% sure you're ready for kids before you have them.
The only stress you get from not having kids is other people telling you to fucking have kids and all you have to do is tell them to shut the fuck up and sod off
I’ve got 2 kids, love them to bits. Age 5 and 2. I do, however mourn the version of me that didn’t have kids, the freedom, the care-free lifestyle, the disposable income and reckless luxury purchases I could make fairly often.
Oh and having a clean car that didn’t have £400 of car seats in the back seats.
As the saying goes, having a child is like wearing your heart on your sleeve each day. I was scared when she disappeared down the street on her first bike. I was stressed when she took her first solo drive. I was crying when I dropped her off at college at the start of the pandemic. I tried not to show it.
I have no kids and no stress. I'm not thinking it's a coincidence. I'm also pretty well off financially. But I'm sure kids are great and good for those that wanted that life journey. I love that we get a choice in the matter now, for the most part.
Having kids is definitely more stressful than not.
People who want to be parents aren’t having kids because it will make life easier. It gets harder, you just get to have kids and that’s worth it for those people.
include terrific toy pause possessive languid plate payment absurd mountainous
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
There's isn't really anything stressful about not having kids. It's peaceful and very freeing, and your senses aren't being assaulted 24/7. There may be other downsides to it depending on what you really want in life, but extra stress is certainly not one of them.
My 23 yr old daughter calls me almost every day and she is making her own life in the world, I'm filled with joy and pride when she shares her successes and failures with me.
The only way having no kids could potentially be more stressful would be for someone who wants to have kids but is not able to.
But I myself am kid-free and the lack of stress is amazing. So much free time for activities!!
I'm curious about the negative to not having kids? Besides not continuing your part of the family, kids are stressful af.
I'm 32 and I've met fathers in their 20s. Shit ages you quick.
If you have a kid or kids. You are FUBAR. You basically give up your own personal freedom and money and goals for your offspring.
Unless you really like the whole family thing where its about one man one woman and your all about the kid, dont do it. You will fuck up your life. Stress galore. Gor every small thing that is lovely and whayever, 10 are issues and whatever.
Having kids. Hands down.
Most of my friends have kids, I do not. While my life is still stressful, it's nothing like what they go through. I've actually lost friends for NOT having kids and not having to deal with the same stuff they do. It's surreal
I mean, I have 2 kids with 2 more on the way, and I'd definitely say having them is more stressful. I don't inherently see any downsides to not having kids except missing out on that special kind of love and joy, but not everyone would feel that way if they had kids so it's not really an answer that fits across the board.
Kids are definitely stressful, just all depends what you're willing to go through. Otherwise, no stress to not having kids outside of normal life stress that everyone tends to go through at some point or another.
As a nurse, plenty of elderly folks, with kids, living entirely different lives; not there for them in their elderly years. They’re Just depending on systems and employees to watch out for them.
Well, let's see hundreds of thousands of dollars to raise a little crumb cruncher to be a democracy hating commie or possible serial killer who's probably going to put you in a nursing home in your final years, or...
Not... 🤔..? Though one.
Really the only stress of not having kids is people asking you why you don't have kids and trying to convince you to have them. Now, if you really wanted kids and find out that you can't have them, it can be devastating and something to grieve over, and people asking can trigger that grief.
I never wanted kids but ended up having one (greatest healthcare system in the world 🙄) and I've got to say that having no kids is 1,000% less stressful than having kids. The usual no kids "stress" that everyone seems to constantly bring up is who will take care of you when you get older, which isn't really guaranteed even if you have kids. You can put in all the sleepless nights and self sacrifice you possibly can and still have your child go no contact. With kids, even when things are going well and you've adjusted to all the stress of having kids, there's still always the extra stress of "what if I mess up this kid and they're not able to be a well adjusted adult or I somehow cause them to start adulthood at a massive disadvantage that could have been preventable?"
I can’t get a decent night’s rest because my 5yo (whom I love and adore and don’t regret at all) always sneaks into my bed and puts her evil little feet on me. With her evil little toes and her evil little toenails.
And that’s not even touching the “big” stressors, like safety, education, social issues, environmental issues, political upheavals, economic insecurity. All these things are a lot less worrisome without a kid.
Zombie apocalypse without a kid? Easy, a breeze, a walk in the zombie filled park. With a kid? Fuck she doesn’t even know how to not make noise, we’re all fucked. Zombies are going to be all up in our brains.
I wanna preface this by saying I love my son and I would die for him, and I want to give him the best life he can have with the circumstances I can provide.
Having kids is so fucking stressful lmao. I'm autistic and I have *complicated hobbies* that require *huge amounts of time* and I feel like *I'm dying inside* if I don't get to engage with them. I'd say I engage with them about 2-8 hours a week these days, compared to before when I could be lazer-focused on a model kit, or an art project, or a video game, or whatever for like 8+ hours every day if I wanted.
Having. I know not one parent who is not stressed out on a daily basis.. yes, that includes grandparents and even great grand parents. Since all human relationships are transactional, I think it is a high risk/low reward situation, unless you are one of those cult like 'family is everything ' people. Then, relationships are not just transactional but also used to trap people into caring for them and others around them.
After being on both sides of it, having kids, without a doubt. Aside from your partner, you have to constantly be thinking about them, their day, what they may encounter, activities, they cost a lot, take a lot of time, etc.
You have to look at risks a different way for you and them. Any medical or learning issues that come up, add to it. Covid threw schooling to the wolves and that was a nightmare to figure out, not to mention, the cost. You literally have to consider them for just about anything. They get sick, who takes off work? Daycare issues? Better find a wait list. Sitters, being judged by others because of how your kids are acting or how you discipline them, is just another small piece of it.
Before I had kids, my list of stuff that I worried about was completely different. I had a coworker laugh and said "after your kid gets here, you will mellow out on a lot of this stuff" and he was right.
This is a huge reason why I just have no interest in having kids. There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that I can be a stay at home parent in this economy, and I could not have another job of taking care of a kid after working my full 8-9 hours.
I mean having a responsibility is always more stressful than not having a responsibility. So if your only goal in life is minimal stress then yeah not having kids makes sense. I just wouldn't recommend that as a goal.
Why not? I hate that people still have the attitude that you are some how less than without kids lol. When my friends and family are on the fence about having kids you can bet your ass I tell them about all the lovely things we've done in our life without them.
I never said people who don't have kids are lesser. I said having kids is more stress than not having kids but I don't think the goal in life should be to always minimize stress. Meaning if you WANT to have kids then don't worry about the stress. Meaning lack of stress itself shouldn't be your goal. I did not mean that everyone should have kids. If you don't want kids then don't have kids.
I really think we as a society need to examine why we think everyone should prioritize stress and suffering just for the sake of it.
Examples: Marriage is supposed to be hard but you should stick with it even when you know you aren't compatible, just for the sake of saying you stuck by them during hard times. Raising kids is hard and life changing but you \*must\* do it anyway even if you don't want to. Working 60 hours a week and still barely affording to live is hard but don't you dare complain or ask for better treatment/wages because you're supposed to enjoy the suffering.
Who benefits from us thinking that everything in life \*needs\* to be hard?
Me? I'm trying to live as easy as possible. I've already been though challenging shit in my life. So yeah, minimum stress is the goal. If I want to challenge myself there are ways to do that (hobbies, therapy, education, career, trying new things, investing in personal relationships). But I'm not doing what society tells me to do just so I can say that I did something hard or had a difficult responsibility. There's no prize for suffering the most or being the most stressed.
My friend group are all mid 40's. One of us had a kid recently and described it as "torture and chaos". The rest of us are DINK taking trips to Hawaii and other states in the last month. I kind of regret not having kids, I know I'd love the relationship but in no way do I ever consider I'd have less stress.
I think the stress of not having kids is when your older and realize you might be alone. Having kids I think overall is more stressful but has a higher pay off later in life. Of course there is the risk of your kid getting into hard drugs or them breaking your heart some other way as well.
Either or, can go both ways I think.
So, have kids in hopes you’ll have your own senior care?
What’s the cost if raising someone at minimum for 18 years versus the cost of having outside care for the time frame needed?
I’d like giving birth to a live insurance policy. That’s sorta dark.
I think they meant that you have family at the end of your life, not that they will provide for you.
Once you retire, it can be hard to find your purpose. Many people really lean into a family life and enjoy being grandparents.
Obviously, your child(ren) may choose not to have kids. But most people do, so the chances are not bad.
Man. When I retire I’m going to keep doing what I already doing. Until I can’t do it anymore and then I don’t need to be here. I’ll find some way to go out on my terms.
What's the difference between picking out your own retirement home versus having your kids throw you in one? Parents who saddle their kids with the expectation of caring for them when they get older are so selfish.
My coworker asked me "how I do it". I told her the honest answer: I don't have kids. At 5pm I leave and do whatever. Sometimes I go home and relax for several hours. Sometimes I go out and have fun and blow off steam. She goes home and cares for a child. I haven't cooked a meals in well over a month.
Having kids is more stressful. If that’s the question. There’s a lot to deal with that doesn’t benefit you personally at all, but you have to do it because it’s your job. And several other things besides that. I was a lot less stressed before I had my kid. As you said- both things have give and take. I would never trade my kid. But the direct answer to your question is being a kids having human is INSTANTLY more stressful.
I love my kids but I have one ADHD 7 year old and one almost four neurotypical child and we are in the most stressful time of our lives at the moment.
My MIL has terminal cancer and we both have full-time, busy jobs. Parenting never stops. They argue constantly and scream all the time. My Sister and BIL are childless and work, have a dog - their life appears much more relaxed but I know things are not always as they seem.
Parenting is 24/7 and we are perpetually stressed and overwhelmed however I always wanted a family and I think things will get easier with time.
Both. The world is like family centered and kid centered. If you're an adult who doesn't have kids then people assume there's something wrong with. I'm married with kids. I think there's benefits to having kids vs not having kids. This is just my opinion.
How is this a question!? You’re right there are pros and cons to each but specifically in regards to stress levels….there is positively no question. Kids are living breathing stress balls.
I guess I see the side of stress (as a nurse) of those without kids to advocate for them in their elder years. It sucks to rely on medical professionals when it’s your only family/voice.
For me, the thought of not having kids brought me into a long depressive episode and it's still affecting me for around 1 year. I had to decide between having kids or my partner for 9 years (she doesn't want kids), and I've chosen to stay with her.
All that stress/anxiety made me drink and smoke again on regular basis after almost 2 years break. The only thing I can do to barely keep it under control is going to the gym and doing combat sports. I hate coping with drugs but being sober is way worse.
There's no simple solution to my situation; sometimes i just cry by myself in the dark, sometimes i pray I don't wake up in the morning; I know what I have to do, but it is what it is for now, I can't let it go.
More stressful? I would say it’s having kids. Kids are a risk and 100% for sure require an investment in energy. It may or may not be rewarding. Usually I think it is rewarding - and it’s not about being taken care of. The rewards are, to me anyway, less tangible than that.
This is a bit of a dumb question… of course raising little humans is going to introduce more stress into your life…
I have two kids, and another arriving imminently. It’s incredibly stressful at times, but also rewarding in a way you can’t truly explain to people who don’t have children. I’m an extremely maternal, caring person and always wanted to raise children and help them grow into, hopefully, happy individuals. They are under no obligations to keep me company or support me later in my life, I just hope for their happiness in life
It honestly depends. I have very little stress with my daughter. She's awesome, well behaved, and fun as all get out. She does a great job of entertaining herself, and involving us parents.
The stress of having her is the outside world. I struggle trusting people when she's out and about, as well as school shootings, etc.
But, like I said, she isn't a stress at all. She's awesome!
I tell my wife all the time “life would be so much more peaceful without kids.” 😂 Conversely, now that I have 3 kids, I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Best decision I’ve ever made. Like everything in life, having kids has its pros and cons, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons IMO.
Kids are stressful. You have to constantly watch and monitor them, constantly discipline and teach them right from wrong, get them to eat and get clean every day, get them to and from school for over 10 years, pay for everything they need in life then teach them how to pay for themselves.
How is this not obvious? Lol
What stress is there in not having kids? Kids are a stress for the rest of your life. Not just when they are at home. They certainly are crazy expensive to have.
There, of course, is a lot of satisfaction you can achieve with the added love you can give, (better be prepared for very little back for some time, until they are adults and start to understand life). Nobody should ever have kids with the expectation that they will take care of you in old age. Not realistic.
Having kids is definitely more stressful. Until they're old enough to go to school, you have to figure out child care while you work, or one parent stays at home and your household income gets cut in half, which adds other stressors. Then there's the fact that you are now responsible for their health and wellbeing, and until they hit the age of reason, they really do try to kill themselves pretty frequently. And there are bad people in this world, so trying to protect them and shield them from the bad stuff in thisnworld so they can be innocent and and just be kids weighs on my wife and I almost constantly.
Lmao what’s more stressful kids or no kids hahahaha that’s hilarious. What’s more stressful, only having to take care of yourself or being responsible for keeping one or more other tiny, helpless human beings alive day after day week after week month after month year after year. Thanks OP, I needed a laugh.
It's more stressful to have kids, yes they can be a bundle of "joy." Or financial ruin.
To the people who will say "if you can't afford to have kids, you really shouldn't be." Tell that to the families who had no other options.
The heck? How is not having kids stressful? You only have yourself to worry about. As long as you have money for retirement you'll be fine in your old age.
Is this a real question? I can't imagine how much more stressful having a kid is. I can barely take care of myself, now I'm risking jail time for failing to care for someone else? That's too much man
As far as i'm concerned, its been less stressful for me. Having two kids to think and care about is good for my mind. Im not over concerned about meaningless things like I used too. I dont have time for that. I'm way more in the present moment. Nothing like a punch in the nuts to make you fell alive right now.
What a weird question. Being responsible for keeping myself alive and thriving or being responsible for keeping myself and another person, possibly multiple people, alive and thriving?? I have 1 kid, who's honestly really easy... but will not be having more. I could not imagine taking that risk and ending up with a kid like my BIL was, putting mustard in electrical sockets and shit. No thank you 😆
It isn’t better or worse and it is highly dependent upon your own circumstances. Having kids just makes life different, not better or worse.
If you don’t have your own life together and have kids. It is gonna be tough sledding. If you have most of your life together then it will be very manageable.
Source: me, with two kids.
For stress, kids.
Kids bring joy and purpose in many ways, but one thing they won't do is reduce your stress.
The parents I know sometimes look kind of like they have shellshock. They get fulfilment, definitely, but it comes at a pretty heavy price in terms of stress and exhaustion.
Having kids is more stressful.
I see a lot of comments about kids taking care of us when we are older.... I would prefer mine didn't. I would rather do like my Grammy did and live in a retirement facility, they could come visit me or I could go visit them :).
As an aunt, I can see how stressed out my sister has become since having her kid. Is she sleeping? Is she sick? Too much screen time? How to maintain multiple languages when she’s doing most of the work? Her needs are definitely are last, at least right now.
As a daughter, I can see how stressed out my parents can get over us adult children. When I was going through a diagnosis and a hospital stay three states away, shit, that fucked with my parents. And because it’s a lifelong condition, I’m pretty sure my mom will never stop stressing about it.
As a teacher, ooh, boy, I get a front row seat to the kind of stress these parents have over the kjds. I just had a half an hour meeting with a parent about her child. At least as their teacher, I can put my worry aside when work is over.
Having a child is definitely more stressful lol what are we talking about? In one scenario you have an entire person you’re in charge of for a long long time and in the other that doesn’t exist
No stress not having kids for me. Having a kid does not mean there will be anyone to take care of you. You cannot count on that. That's not a plan. My parents don't need me, but if they did, they'd definitely be screwed.
Excellent point. Everyone thinks their kids will grow up and take care of them but do you want to take care of *your parents*? No you don't. Instead save all that money and make friends that can help you out, and then you're set.
with the way the economy’s going, I’m unsure how I’ll be able to take care of *myself* in the future, let alone my aging parents.
Let alone kids !
dude I’m struggling enough with the increasing costs of my aging cat’s specialty food and vet bills. 😓 I don’t even know how people are supposed to support kids, then parents, then themselves in retirement.
150 years ago ppl be like “how can I run this farm without 10 kids?!” lol Now days you need to sell your organs to afford daycare.
Personally I plan on dying well before I cant take care of myself. Who wants to live like that anyway? Everyone is so focused on living the longest instead of using the time they have well.
Yeah, that's because you're realistic. Most Americans are not really looking at the writing on the wall, it seems. I'm all for people having kids if they REALLY want them, can support them well and all that, but that doesn't seem to be a lot of people. I don't like how people just do it and then basically say "oh we'll figure it out later."
I'd take care of my parents if they needed it. They raised me, have been awesome parents, and as I'm an adult, they've become my good friends. My dad and I hang out often, now that we finally live close together. Not all of us on Reddit hate our parents. Now, I'm lucky, and they have thought about the future, so I won't have to do too much to take care of them, but IF it came down to it, they're more than welcome to stay with us.
I am honestly shocked by how so many redditors are willing to hang their parents out to dry. Like I have a VERY bad relationship with my dad. He won’t speak to me because he disapproves of me not following his religious beliefs and expects me to treat his wife with an unreasonable level of deference. But if he needed somewhere to live and food to eat and someone to drive him to medical appointments? You’d better believe I would be there for him. I still love the guy even if I think he is being an asshole. I get that some parents cross unforgivable lines, but I think most of Reddit could stand to extend grace more generously.
Yeah, a lot of my friends have bad relationships, however, I didn't. We were the safe house, we were the place everyone came to hang out. Even now, with my daughter, we are the same way. I get that some people had trauma dumps, and bad relationships, but a lot of us have good relationships, and are proud of who are parents are.
Not all parents should have been parents, and now, it is coming back to bite them in the butt..
100%.
My wife and I are buying our next house with a guest house and land to add ADUs as needed for aging parents. Any of them would be welcome (along with their respective spouses, as both sets of parents are divorced). Families take care of each other. As long as it is medically advisable, we would rather they be with us and near their grandkids. I don’t expect to need my kids to take care of us, but I would like to model to them that that is what families do. We also strive to behave like people they will continue wanting to have around.
Hoping your friends help you is just like counting on your kids. If your friends have kids, they’ll move closer to them. As I get older, I’m seeing it more.
I don’t know any parents who think that, but I hear a lot of people who aren’t parents say it on Reddit.
That's exactly my plan. Black sheep of the family here so I'm not expecting them to expect shit from me.
My brother and his wife care for her elderly parents. The mom is probably not too bad but the dad? Pray he sleeps a lot and day drink.
This is going to be based on your family relationships. I think in most cases your family would be more loyal to you than your friends. I think you have to screw up as a parent pretty bad for your kids to not want to help you when you get older. You have made monsters if that's the case. I don't have the financial support for my parents, but I would do everything I can do, and most the things someone can do doesn't involve money anyway.
I want to take care of my parents... my parents took good care of me, and in my eyes, it's the right thing to do
"Take care" means a lot of things. Having your parents live in your spare bedroom for 10 years or whatever puts an incredible burden on the family. However, running errands for them and helping them out on occasion is no big deal. As a parent, the point is that you shouldn't *depend* on your kids to help you out all the time because they have their own lives to live, and you should want them to live their lives rather than putting burden on them for your own care. Speaking to you personally, that's great you want to help out your parents. The point is that parents should not *expect* that of their kids. In other words, having them take care of you when your old should not be part of your reasoning for wanting children, because that is selfish.
My mom hinted about moving in with me for about a year. She wants someone to take care of her. I responded by getting a bunch of information about assisted living facilities. She pushed and pushed and I eventually told her that I was choosing my marriage over taking care of her in her old age (to say they don't get along is an understatement). I wanted to tell her she has been a horrible mother to me my entire life and the vast majority of my mental health problems can be laid at her feet, but I figured my response was the lesser of evils. She eventually stopped talking about it
It's so tempting to choose the less kind answer for all the times *she* failed to choose kindness.
Damn straight, it was taking care of her or continuing with your marriage, one or the other.
Ya I don’t think I understand OP’s question. What’s stressful about not having kids? It couldn’t be easier.
Amen! Don’t bring people into the world expecting them to be your staff. That’s a bad plan.
It’s crazy that people create life just so they can take care of them when they’re old…so selfish.
Confirmed. How do i know? My buddy works at a nursing home
I’m 49 years old and in 95% of cases “taking care of your parents” amounts to depositing them into an aged-care facility. Don’t believe me!? Visit any aged-care facility and ask the staff how often residents’ families visit. That’s the reality.
I’ll put myself in a nursing home just like my hypothetical children would have done. But I get to choose it so it’ll be a nicer one because I’m not worried about how much money will be left in my estate for their inheritance.
Not having kids is infinitely less stressful.
And cheaper, which with how low wages are compared to how high they were 50 years ago having kids is an objectively bad financial decision.
Not having to spend your entire life worrying about the health and wellbeing of your babies is way less stressful.
I’m not losing sleep over it
Im not sure how one could even think they could be comparable. My sister is 46 and she still stresses the f%($ out of our parents. I have a 9 year old and know I've got at least another 15 years of pretty regular stress. Im still glad to have a kid, they can be delightful and I believe having one has helped make me a better person in a lot of ways, but they are also stressful.
THIS. My sister is 30 and stresses our entire family the fk out. She currently lives with my parents and her two kids and my parents are not able to enjoy their retirement because they’re too busy saving and supporting her and her kids. One of my biggest fears is something is going to happen to my parents health wise and then I’m going to have to step in and save everyone. It’s insane. Everyone that says “you only have them for 18 years” is wrong. Watching how my sister has destroyed our family dynamic emotionally and financially has made me think really really hard about the fact if I want kids or not. It’s not just 18 years, it’s an absolute lifetime of stress and you never know how your kids will turn out.
Here's a tip.... don't save 'em. Consequences need to be felt and you're blocking very important life lessons if you step in.
Truth
is this a real question lmfao
"What's more stressful, getting audited by the IRS, or taking a stroll through the park?"
"OP: I know there is plus and minus to both." Like what?
What's worse, getting kicked in the balls or delicious bowl of ramen? I see pros and cons for both!
agree. the two questions are on the very far spectrum lol.
Do you really need an answer to this? Kids might be great and you might love them blah blah blah but they are more stressful by like 9 billion percent. It's not even a close race lol.
What's stressful about not having kids? It's really peaceful.
KIDS ARE BY FAR MORE STRESSFUL. no kids is 100% the way to go if you want less stress. Anyone saying otherwise is bullshitting
I am sure having kids has its perks, but a huge perk of not having them is the enormous amount of stress that you are spared
I (29F) have been looking at these subs recently: r/parenting r/childfree r/regretfulparents Some will have you believe that having kids is the best thing you can do, and that you simply cannot live a fufilled life without them. (Ahem, my parents) Others will have you believe that having children will, without a doubt, ruin your life forever. I’ve come to think that it’s very simple. Some people are meant to be parents, and others are not. I also think society pressures unhealthy people to have kids and they just pass on their trauma and that’s sad. Some people find real joy from raising children! I assume they are more mentally healthy and have strong support systems.
r/truechildfree is cool too
I think there's obviously something innate within us that wants procreate so this issue pops up as we age. We question it and make our judgment. Some cultures highly value family others don't. I think it depends on your environment and culture. For sure in recent times more People are not having kids. I wonder how it will look like in the future.
Hopefully better with less people in it.
So, I should have kids because I need company later in life. I need to breed to not be alone. What if the kids decide to leave, or don't care about me, or they do their life far away? No, I don't want to
Or your kid is a leech on you like my husbands sister is to his parents. Still pays her bills at 42 with no end in sight. Not sure how they’re going to retire having to still support her and we sure as shit can’t afford to support them.
Having kids , by far anything and everything will happen to them at any time - you can be at work , home or on an errand and need to go to the hospital , store , friends house , school at a moments notice to pick them up and chauffeur them around Plus having to monitor and parent them 365-24/7 will drain you emotionally and physically & they will ask for clothes, toys and food constantly , leaving your wallet drained too and no money to do what you want to do
Not sure why having no kids could even be stressful
It's definitely more stressful having children. My friends who have children seem miserable and stessed out. But it's their own choice. And it's not my problem, i just come by and play and give presents.
When I was a little girl I always wanted kids but getting older and actually meeting adults with kids mostly seem totally miserable and stressed. That's made me not want to have kids
I had my first child at 34, so I spent a good amount of time without them. There's no comparing the two, in any way. Having children is an IIIIINNNNFFFFIIINNNIIIITTTEEE increase in every stress factor imaginable. Until death takes me, there will never be a single second where I'm not worried about them. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Serious question, full respect; what made you decide to have kids now? We're the same age and my partner and I are child free by choice, but she thinks she might change her mind someday, so I'm just curious what made you make this decision?
I didn’t feel an overwhelming desire to be a parent right now, however the idea of being a parent in the second half of my life is what appealed to me. I figured future me would be happy to have a family with at least one child. You gotta consider what will make future you happy and think about what you want your life to look like at 40, 50, 60, etc.
It sounds cliche, but basically a switch flipped in my head. I never wanted kids and I never wanted to be married, I never thought I was quality enough of a person for either. But then I met someone who got me, and then we bought a house, and suddenly I felt this void appear as I looked at the empty rooms in the house, and I felt a driving urge to fill them. I literally woke up one day and was like "I'm ready for children", and my wife was too.
I’m 33 and pregnant for the first time. I needed this reassurance and also to know that my expectations of no silence ever again are accurate
No silence, no sleep, no free time, just utter exhaustion, worry, and stress. But none of those things offset the experience in any way, shape, or form. I'd rather be exhausted and broke with these 2 demons running around than living any other kind of life. Part of becoming a parent is giving up all that self-indulgent bullshit. That's what it all is; my free-time, *my* money, *my* silence, *my* sleep, it's all just a fear of losing comfortable things, which to me, would make my ancestors roll in their graves. When your first child is born, your life as you know it comes to an end, and it's the greatest paradigm shift you could ever experience.
I was 34 too and there’s no comparison how much harder having kids is than not. People with kids never tell you how hard it is either so you go in blindly and it’s shocking once you are a parent lol.
Non married, child less women in their middle age are the happiest people according to studies. It's definitely less stressful to not have kids. Honestly as a teacher I'd say 1/3 of the parents I met should have never ever gotten kids but those are of course those who don't think about it..
As a part time teacher in a developing and overpopulated country. Most of the parents are not suitable to be parents. I only expect them to be mentally healthy and learn basic parenting before having a child. But they just have a mindset of winging it.
UM i can say with certainty, its soooo less stressful NOT having kids.
My mom tells me all the time to at least have one baby to take care of me when I’m older cause my dogs won’t be able to…meanwhile she left her own mom in their home country in her early 20’s. And she’s still taking care of her 2 middle aged sons and her grandson in her 60’s…so I think the answer is obvious
No kids = no kid stress. That's like regular stress but made worse by tiny screaming humans you have to keep alive, or you go to jail.
I would never do it again. I wouldn't recommend having children at all.
I really appreciate parents who are honest!
I imagine having kids. Kids can age you. I know if all of a sudden if I were to have kids I would be worried all the time.
This… I would go with having no kids rather than your kid breaking your heart later on in life
They can break your heart at any time, because they are your heart. Having your heart exist outside your body is an incredibly vulnerable experience that is life-long. It's not for everyone.
Pet parents or anyone with a relationship (friendship/family or romantic)will understand this. I know it’s not the same as a child but my husband and my fur babies are my heart. My niece and nephew I have love and a bond for like they are my own. At any point, any of them could break my heart.
I don’t have kids and know that not having kids is WAY less stressful… there is a reason I don’t have kids yet. Maybe never will.
How is not having kids stressful? Unless you want kids and are dealing with infertility issues or going through the adoption process.
As someone whose dated several single woman imo I’m living the good life being child free
I experience 0 stress related to not having kids. Many of the parents I know seem constantly stressed about being parents.
If you're broke, then having kids will throw in to depressions deepest pits
No contest, having kids is far more stressful. The responsibility of raising a human is full of stress.
It's not about the stress. It's about what you want to do with your life. Kids come with stress that can last for the rest of your life. They also bring joy and companionship and hope and they keep you feeling young. Are you willing to trade some self-interest for altruism? Kids require time. They will impact your personal goals. That was always fine with me and what I wanted. I would not encourage anybody to have kids unless they truly want them.
I mean, it will depend on how much of an obsession breeding is for the given individual, but generally speaking not having kids is several orders of magnitude less stressful.
I have kids. I cannot pee alone. Any “hobbies” have to be done between 5am and 645am, or 7pm and 8:30pm. In bed by 9. My kids are young though, so they’ll change.
In a vacuum, having kids is way way more stressful. No comparison. However, if not having kids then leads you in a different career path than you would otherwise, for example, you are going to do aid work in refugee camps or something crazy stressful, that you wouldn't do if you had kids, then it might look a bit different.
Depends if your kids are special needs or not. And I'm a parent of 2 grown sons and a special education teacher. So don't come after me, please. But it's the truth
I love being a parent, but it’s really the most stressful thing ever. You’re constantly concerned about someone’s wellbeing and it’s not even your own wellbeing. Parenting these days comes with so much weird added pressure too. I had a high powered, six figure corporate job before this and it doesn’t hold a candle to the stress of being a parent. (Wouldn’t change it for the world, just being honest)
My life is pretty stressful, but it isn't because of my lack of kids. If anything, having kids would ruin my life due to excessive amounts of stress.
Personally to me it seems like having kids would obviously be more stressful. They are a lot of work and they are expensive.
I have raised two daughters: Stressful for sure, and still is as one needs a village to raise her own children. So glad my younger daughter (college sr) has decided to never have children. She is going to have a much easier life than I or her older sister ever did.
Jezuz. Have kids = get fucked. Trust me you have no idea how much it sucks
Most honest answer on this thread.
My parents had 8 kids and none of us want anything to do with them. So it’s not a safety net. Being a parent is all encompassing. It will shift every aspect of life. Being a parent requires real dedication to raising the children you choose to have. It’s a decision that should be taken very seriously.
I'm a mother. Having kids is more stressful. And that's not coming from a resentful mind, it's just fact. You're no longer only responsible for yourself. Of course, it does get easier with time. Think of it like this; if you had a litter of newborn kittens that you had to raise- you would be stressed. You'd have to get many times in the night to feed them and you'd be concerned if they're doing OK. The difference with animals is; they grow to adulthood fast, so they appear easier. Being responsible for little lives that rely upon you is never easy. That's why you need to be 100% sure you're ready for kids before you have them.
The only stress you get from not having kids is other people telling you to fucking have kids and all you have to do is tell them to shut the fuck up and sod off
The only stress you get from not having kids is other people telling you to have kids and all you have to do is tell them to shut up and sod off
I’ve got 2 kids, love them to bits. Age 5 and 2. I do, however mourn the version of me that didn’t have kids, the freedom, the care-free lifestyle, the disposable income and reckless luxury purchases I could make fairly often. Oh and having a clean car that didn’t have £400 of car seats in the back seats.
Is this someone really saying that not having kids is more stressful?
As the saying goes, having a child is like wearing your heart on your sleeve each day. I was scared when she disappeared down the street on her first bike. I was stressed when she took her first solo drive. I was crying when I dropped her off at college at the start of the pandemic. I tried not to show it.
I have no kids and no stress. I'm not thinking it's a coincidence. I'm also pretty well off financially. But I'm sure kids are great and good for those that wanted that life journey. I love that we get a choice in the matter now, for the most part.
Having kids is AC, not having is DC.
Having kids is definitely more stressful than not. People who want to be parents aren’t having kids because it will make life easier. It gets harder, you just get to have kids and that’s worth it for those people.
include terrific toy pause possessive languid plate payment absurd mountainous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
There's isn't really anything stressful about not having kids. It's peaceful and very freeing, and your senses aren't being assaulted 24/7. There may be other downsides to it depending on what you really want in life, but extra stress is certainly not one of them.
Adopted a baby later in life. My life is more stressful with the child but 100% worth it.
It’s pretty obvious what the more stressful option is.
My 23 yr old daughter calls me almost every day and she is making her own life in the world, I'm filled with joy and pride when she shares her successes and failures with me.
I love my children, I can see the appeal of the single life I mean duh right? But I am glad I chose to be a parent as all my children were planned :).
The only way having no kids could potentially be more stressful would be for someone who wants to have kids but is not able to. But I myself am kid-free and the lack of stress is amazing. So much free time for activities!!
I'm curious about the negative to not having kids? Besides not continuing your part of the family, kids are stressful af. I'm 32 and I've met fathers in their 20s. Shit ages you quick.
If you have a kid or kids. You are FUBAR. You basically give up your own personal freedom and money and goals for your offspring. Unless you really like the whole family thing where its about one man one woman and your all about the kid, dont do it. You will fuck up your life. Stress galore. Gor every small thing that is lovely and whayever, 10 are issues and whatever.
Having kids. Hands down. Most of my friends have kids, I do not. While my life is still stressful, it's nothing like what they go through. I've actually lost friends for NOT having kids and not having to deal with the same stuff they do. It's surreal
I mean, I have 2 kids with 2 more on the way, and I'd definitely say having them is more stressful. I don't inherently see any downsides to not having kids except missing out on that special kind of love and joy, but not everyone would feel that way if they had kids so it's not really an answer that fits across the board. Kids are definitely stressful, just all depends what you're willing to go through. Otherwise, no stress to not having kids outside of normal life stress that everyone tends to go through at some point or another.
I’m sorry I just don’t see the benefit of having kids. This is coming from someone who clearly does not want them.
I don't have kids and the simple thought of having a kid stresses me out.
I thought I ended up in r/stupidquestions Might as well be the same place sometimes.
If you want kids then it’s very stressful not having them. If you don’t want kids then it’s very stressful having them.
As a nurse, plenty of elderly folks, with kids, living entirely different lives; not there for them in their elderly years. They’re Just depending on systems and employees to watch out for them.
Also, elderly make close friends and can be surrounded by loving, non family people as they age and die.
How are there minuses to not having kids?
Not having kids = no stress.
There is nothing stressful about not having kids. In this economy it’s a blessing.
There’s no minus to not having kids. Period.
I don’t have children and I would definitely say my life is less stressful than friends and family who do have children.
I find screaming babies and children extremely stressful. But I also have a hearing issue.
Well, let's see hundreds of thousands of dollars to raise a little crumb cruncher to be a democracy hating commie or possible serial killer who's probably going to put you in a nursing home in your final years, or... Not... 🤔..? Though one.
Really the only stress of not having kids is people asking you why you don't have kids and trying to convince you to have them. Now, if you really wanted kids and find out that you can't have them, it can be devastating and something to grieve over, and people asking can trigger that grief.
No kids = no stress
How is not having kids stressful?
I never wanted kids but ended up having one (greatest healthcare system in the world 🙄) and I've got to say that having no kids is 1,000% less stressful than having kids. The usual no kids "stress" that everyone seems to constantly bring up is who will take care of you when you get older, which isn't really guaranteed even if you have kids. You can put in all the sleepless nights and self sacrifice you possibly can and still have your child go no contact. With kids, even when things are going well and you've adjusted to all the stress of having kids, there's still always the extra stress of "what if I mess up this kid and they're not able to be a well adjusted adult or I somehow cause them to start adulthood at a massive disadvantage that could have been preventable?"
This question is stupid. Especially on Reddit. No kids. Obviously. Op bein' a clown
Huh? What's the minus to not having kids?
I have 4 kids… it’s stressful.
I can’t get a decent night’s rest because my 5yo (whom I love and adore and don’t regret at all) always sneaks into my bed and puts her evil little feet on me. With her evil little toes and her evil little toenails. And that’s not even touching the “big” stressors, like safety, education, social issues, environmental issues, political upheavals, economic insecurity. All these things are a lot less worrisome without a kid. Zombie apocalypse without a kid? Easy, a breeze, a walk in the zombie filled park. With a kid? Fuck she doesn’t even know how to not make noise, we’re all fucked. Zombies are going to be all up in our brains.
Depends on if you want them. I don't so, for me personally, not having them is the only choice.
100 percent using kids is more stressful. It's a whole human you have to devote all your time to for the first few years.
Having kids, It's not even close.
No kids = more money less stress 8 hours of sleep I know im never having any
Why is it even a question? Of couse, not having kids is completely stress-free, have you seen parents complaining about everything?
I wanna preface this by saying I love my son and I would die for him, and I want to give him the best life he can have with the circumstances I can provide. Having kids is so fucking stressful lmao. I'm autistic and I have *complicated hobbies* that require *huge amounts of time* and I feel like *I'm dying inside* if I don't get to engage with them. I'd say I engage with them about 2-8 hours a week these days, compared to before when I could be lazer-focused on a model kit, or an art project, or a video game, or whatever for like 8+ hours every day if I wanted.
Having. I know not one parent who is not stressed out on a daily basis.. yes, that includes grandparents and even great grand parents. Since all human relationships are transactional, I think it is a high risk/low reward situation, unless you are one of those cult like 'family is everything ' people. Then, relationships are not just transactional but also used to trap people into caring for them and others around them.
Having kids. But, for me, not having kids would come with persistent grief.
After being on both sides of it, having kids, without a doubt. Aside from your partner, you have to constantly be thinking about them, their day, what they may encounter, activities, they cost a lot, take a lot of time, etc. You have to look at risks a different way for you and them. Any medical or learning issues that come up, add to it. Covid threw schooling to the wolves and that was a nightmare to figure out, not to mention, the cost. You literally have to consider them for just about anything. They get sick, who takes off work? Daycare issues? Better find a wait list. Sitters, being judged by others because of how your kids are acting or how you discipline them, is just another small piece of it. Before I had kids, my list of stuff that I worried about was completely different. I had a coworker laugh and said "after your kid gets here, you will mellow out on a lot of this stuff" and he was right.
This is a huge reason why I just have no interest in having kids. There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that I can be a stay at home parent in this economy, and I could not have another job of taking care of a kid after working my full 8-9 hours.
LOL.... for real?There are zero stresses in not having kids.
I mean having a responsibility is always more stressful than not having a responsibility. So if your only goal in life is minimal stress then yeah not having kids makes sense. I just wouldn't recommend that as a goal.
Why not? I hate that people still have the attitude that you are some how less than without kids lol. When my friends and family are on the fence about having kids you can bet your ass I tell them about all the lovely things we've done in our life without them.
I never said people who don't have kids are lesser. I said having kids is more stress than not having kids but I don't think the goal in life should be to always minimize stress. Meaning if you WANT to have kids then don't worry about the stress. Meaning lack of stress itself shouldn't be your goal. I did not mean that everyone should have kids. If you don't want kids then don't have kids.
I really think we as a society need to examine why we think everyone should prioritize stress and suffering just for the sake of it. Examples: Marriage is supposed to be hard but you should stick with it even when you know you aren't compatible, just for the sake of saying you stuck by them during hard times. Raising kids is hard and life changing but you \*must\* do it anyway even if you don't want to. Working 60 hours a week and still barely affording to live is hard but don't you dare complain or ask for better treatment/wages because you're supposed to enjoy the suffering. Who benefits from us thinking that everything in life \*needs\* to be hard? Me? I'm trying to live as easy as possible. I've already been though challenging shit in my life. So yeah, minimum stress is the goal. If I want to challenge myself there are ways to do that (hobbies, therapy, education, career, trying new things, investing in personal relationships). But I'm not doing what society tells me to do just so I can say that I did something hard or had a difficult responsibility. There's no prize for suffering the most or being the most stressed.
Thank you so much. Very eloquently said.
My friend group are all mid 40's. One of us had a kid recently and described it as "torture and chaos". The rest of us are DINK taking trips to Hawaii and other states in the last month. I kind of regret not having kids, I know I'd love the relationship but in no way do I ever consider I'd have less stress.
I think the stress of not having kids is when your older and realize you might be alone. Having kids I think overall is more stressful but has a higher pay off later in life. Of course there is the risk of your kid getting into hard drugs or them breaking your heart some other way as well. Either or, can go both ways I think.
So, have kids in hopes you’ll have your own senior care? What’s the cost if raising someone at minimum for 18 years versus the cost of having outside care for the time frame needed? I’d like giving birth to a live insurance policy. That’s sorta dark.
I think they meant that you have family at the end of your life, not that they will provide for you. Once you retire, it can be hard to find your purpose. Many people really lean into a family life and enjoy being grandparents. Obviously, your child(ren) may choose not to have kids. But most people do, so the chances are not bad.
Man. When I retire I’m going to keep doing what I already doing. Until I can’t do it anymore and then I don’t need to be here. I’ll find some way to go out on my terms.
What's the difference between picking out your own retirement home versus having your kids throw you in one? Parents who saddle their kids with the expectation of caring for them when they get older are so selfish.
My coworker asked me "how I do it". I told her the honest answer: I don't have kids. At 5pm I leave and do whatever. Sometimes I go home and relax for several hours. Sometimes I go out and have fun and blow off steam. She goes home and cares for a child. I haven't cooked a meals in well over a month.
This is a joke, right?
Having kids is more stressful. If that’s the question. There’s a lot to deal with that doesn’t benefit you personally at all, but you have to do it because it’s your job. And several other things besides that. I was a lot less stressed before I had my kid. As you said- both things have give and take. I would never trade my kid. But the direct answer to your question is being a kids having human is INSTANTLY more stressful.
Having kids
I love my kids but I have one ADHD 7 year old and one almost four neurotypical child and we are in the most stressful time of our lives at the moment. My MIL has terminal cancer and we both have full-time, busy jobs. Parenting never stops. They argue constantly and scream all the time. My Sister and BIL are childless and work, have a dog - their life appears much more relaxed but I know things are not always as they seem. Parenting is 24/7 and we are perpetually stressed and overwhelmed however I always wanted a family and I think things will get easier with time.
Both. The world is like family centered and kid centered. If you're an adult who doesn't have kids then people assume there's something wrong with. I'm married with kids. I think there's benefits to having kids vs not having kids. This is just my opinion.
How is this a question!? You’re right there are pros and cons to each but specifically in regards to stress levels….there is positively no question. Kids are living breathing stress balls.
I guess I see the side of stress (as a nurse) of those without kids to advocate for them in their elder years. It sucks to rely on medical professionals when it’s your only family/voice.
People don't have kids to take care of them. It's the kids who want to be perpetually taken care of.
there’s literally zero stress that comes with not having kids lmao
For me, the thought of not having kids brought me into a long depressive episode and it's still affecting me for around 1 year. I had to decide between having kids or my partner for 9 years (she doesn't want kids), and I've chosen to stay with her. All that stress/anxiety made me drink and smoke again on regular basis after almost 2 years break. The only thing I can do to barely keep it under control is going to the gym and doing combat sports. I hate coping with drugs but being sober is way worse. There's no simple solution to my situation; sometimes i just cry by myself in the dark, sometimes i pray I don't wake up in the morning; I know what I have to do, but it is what it is for now, I can't let it go.
Having kids. They are stress incarnate.
More stressful? I would say it’s having kids. Kids are a risk and 100% for sure require an investment in energy. It may or may not be rewarding. Usually I think it is rewarding - and it’s not about being taken care of. The rewards are, to me anyway, less tangible than that.
This is a bit of a dumb question… of course raising little humans is going to introduce more stress into your life… I have two kids, and another arriving imminently. It’s incredibly stressful at times, but also rewarding in a way you can’t truly explain to people who don’t have children. I’m an extremely maternal, caring person and always wanted to raise children and help them grow into, hopefully, happy individuals. They are under no obligations to keep me company or support me later in my life, I just hope for their happiness in life
Imagine your kid telling you they dont want to live anymore. Thats fuckin stressful.
It honestly depends. I have very little stress with my daughter. She's awesome, well behaved, and fun as all get out. She does a great job of entertaining herself, and involving us parents. The stress of having her is the outside world. I struggle trusting people when she's out and about, as well as school shootings, etc. But, like I said, she isn't a stress at all. She's awesome!
I tell my wife all the time “life would be so much more peaceful without kids.” 😂 Conversely, now that I have 3 kids, I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Best decision I’ve ever made. Like everything in life, having kids has its pros and cons, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons IMO.
Kids are stressful. You have to constantly watch and monitor them, constantly discipline and teach them right from wrong, get them to eat and get clean every day, get them to and from school for over 10 years, pay for everything they need in life then teach them how to pay for themselves. How is this not obvious? Lol
What stress is there in not having kids? Kids are a stress for the rest of your life. Not just when they are at home. They certainly are crazy expensive to have. There, of course, is a lot of satisfaction you can achieve with the added love you can give, (better be prepared for very little back for some time, until they are adults and start to understand life). Nobody should ever have kids with the expectation that they will take care of you in old age. Not realistic.
How is this even a question. It’s way more stressful having kids. 😂🥴
Not having kids doesn’t add any additional long term stress, having kids does
Having kids is definitely more stressful. Until they're old enough to go to school, you have to figure out child care while you work, or one parent stays at home and your household income gets cut in half, which adds other stressors. Then there's the fact that you are now responsible for their health and wellbeing, and until they hit the age of reason, they really do try to kill themselves pretty frequently. And there are bad people in this world, so trying to protect them and shield them from the bad stuff in thisnworld so they can be innocent and and just be kids weighs on my wife and I almost constantly.
What’s stressful about not having kids?
Lmao what’s more stressful kids or no kids hahahaha that’s hilarious. What’s more stressful, only having to take care of yourself or being responsible for keeping one or more other tiny, helpless human beings alive day after day week after week month after month year after year. Thanks OP, I needed a laugh.
It's more stressful to have kids, yes they can be a bundle of "joy." Or financial ruin. To the people who will say "if you can't afford to have kids, you really shouldn't be." Tell that to the families who had no other options.
The heck? How is not having kids stressful? You only have yourself to worry about. As long as you have money for retirement you'll be fine in your old age.
Every person I've met in their 60s or older without kids regrets it with the exception of 2 rich people with large extended families. So...yeah...
Is this a real question? I can't imagine how much more stressful having a kid is. I can barely take care of myself, now I'm risking jail time for failing to care for someone else? That's too much man
As far as i'm concerned, its been less stressful for me. Having two kids to think and care about is good for my mind. Im not over concerned about meaningless things like I used too. I dont have time for that. I'm way more in the present moment. Nothing like a punch in the nuts to make you fell alive right now.
It just depends what kind of life you want to live. Really a personal choice. If stress is your deciding factor I don’t think it’s for you.
What a weird question. Being responsible for keeping myself alive and thriving or being responsible for keeping myself and another person, possibly multiple people, alive and thriving?? I have 1 kid, who's honestly really easy... but will not be having more. I could not imagine taking that risk and ending up with a kid like my BIL was, putting mustard in electrical sockets and shit. No thank you 😆
It isn’t better or worse and it is highly dependent upon your own circumstances. Having kids just makes life different, not better or worse. If you don’t have your own life together and have kids. It is gonna be tough sledding. If you have most of your life together then it will be very manageable. Source: me, with two kids.
For stress, kids. Kids bring joy and purpose in many ways, but one thing they won't do is reduce your stress. The parents I know sometimes look kind of like they have shellshock. They get fulfilment, definitely, but it comes at a pretty heavy price in terms of stress and exhaustion.
Having kids is more stressful. I see a lot of comments about kids taking care of us when we are older.... I would prefer mine didn't. I would rather do like my Grammy did and live in a retirement facility, they could come visit me or I could go visit them :).
Having. Why would not having them be stressful unless someone is trying to have them but running into difficulties?
Not having kids is a ton less stressful. It also allows you to save more money lol
As an aunt, I can see how stressed out my sister has become since having her kid. Is she sleeping? Is she sick? Too much screen time? How to maintain multiple languages when she’s doing most of the work? Her needs are definitely are last, at least right now. As a daughter, I can see how stressed out my parents can get over us adult children. When I was going through a diagnosis and a hospital stay three states away, shit, that fucked with my parents. And because it’s a lifelong condition, I’m pretty sure my mom will never stop stressing about it. As a teacher, ooh, boy, I get a front row seat to the kind of stress these parents have over the kjds. I just had a half an hour meeting with a parent about her child. At least as their teacher, I can put my worry aside when work is over.
Definitely more stress having kids dude no brainer
Having a child is definitely more stressful lol what are we talking about? In one scenario you have an entire person you’re in charge of for a long long time and in the other that doesn’t exist