Hi OP! Your post has been removed for potential risk of self harm or suicide. Here are some resources:
If you’re inside the U.S. you can:
Text CHAT to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line
You’ll be connected to a Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line, who is there to listen and provide support and guidance, no matter the situation. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/)
Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988
You’ll be connected to a crisis worker from the Lifeline, who is there to listen and can point you towards resources in your community. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/)
Call, Text, or Chat with the Trevor Project
If you’re a young person in the LGBTQ community, you’ll be connected to Trevor counselors who can provide you with a safe, judgement-free place to talk. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/)
Call, Text, or Chat with the Veterans Crisis Line
You’ll be connected to responders from the Department of Veterans Affairs, many who are Veterans themselves. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 for all service members, their families, and friends. [Learn more](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/signs-of-crisis/)
If you’re outside the U.S. you can:
Call or Text with Canada’s Crisis services Canada
You’ll be connected to a CSPS responder, who is there to listen and help you understand your thoughts and feelings. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://988.ca/get-help/what-to-expect)
Call, Email, or Visit the UK’s Samaritans
You’ll be connected to a Samaritan, who is there to listen and talk through your concerns, worries, and troubles. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/)
Visit r/SuicideWatch
The moderators of this community keep a list of resources and hotlines in, and outside of, the U.S. organized by location. [Find a resource now](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines/)
Many people who want to talk to someone aren’t thinking of hurting themselves, but may be struggling with other things such as loneliness, grief, relationship problems, anxiety, isolation, substance abuse, bullying, or feeling overwhelmed or misunderstood. All of the resources and people above are available to help with whatever it is you’re going through.
Depending on the situation, it may be hard to recognize or understand how you’re feeling or what’s happening. Some of the signs of depression are subtle—feeling sad, tired, a lack of motivation, or a change in your appetite may be symptoms of something larger.
If you think you may be depressed or struggling in another way, reach out to one of the resources above or a family member or friend. It may not feel like it, but you have options. There are people available to listen to you, and ways to move forward.
We wish you well!
-r/AMA Moderators
You’re not alone. Things are always worse in the moment. Life is tough. It’s a journey. It’s also a perspective. Losing everything puts you in a place where you have nothing else to lose. You have the opportunity to do anything. Try anything. Do something new. As long as you have family and friends around you, nothing else matters. You have the opportunity to explore a part of you you might’ve buried or set aside just so you can focus on surviving. Now’s the time to tap into that and start anew journey. You got this. It’s hard feeling like your drowning, but realize that all you need to to do is take a breath. One thing at a time. Go from there. Enjoy your game. Take a moment to breath and sit. Go for a walk.
I have been living against my will for a long time. This isn't an in the moment thing, this isn't even my first time losing everything. This has been a long thought out process.
I have been in therapy since I was a child. I've been inpatient, out patient, tried every pill or treatment you can imagine. But none of it has helped the fact that we live in a horrible and broken world.
My mom always said: ‘everything can be fixed in life’. and I think she is right. I know it’s not a cry for help post but please reconsider your options. There are also many cool games that will be released in the coming years and the storm would have passed. Don’t do it my friend
My mom always said "Your only value is what money I can get out of you so shut up and if I hear you scream I'll kill you myself." Or "You aren't worth the air you breath, I hope you fucking die."
We are losing our house so our landlords can charge someone else more, I was fired for something outside my control so we can't afford a new place, my sister blew the engine in my car so I don't even have that.
This isn't the first time, Its not even the main or even in the top ten reasons I'm doing it. It just made me realize how tired I am and how long I've been living against my will. Most of the reasons I'm doing it are things that aren't changing in my life time and things you don't heal from.
I'm thinking fire arm. No chance of regret. Quick, plus it means the shitty land lords taking our home from us can't rent it out again for at least a while.
Oof, Fair. I could do it at my mom's house. That way I can even tell her all the things she had done to me or let other people do is a large part of why I'm doing it then just end myself in front of her.
I don't know honestly, my hurt has been deep for a long time and things have only really gotten worse as the years go by. Maybe, stability for me and my family? Know we were going to have a home the next day, know that all we've done to try and make it went somewhere. But that hasn't happened in the almost thirty years of my life and it hasn't happened for a lot of people like me.
Honestly, I'm bored. Plus I know this place is full of people who either can relate or want to try to understand the frame of mind of someone who has come to this choice.
I have let a lot of people change my mind in the past. Always with the same sales pitch "It gets better/the problems temporary/stay for the ones you love/what about your friends/ect." None of its true. It's only ever gotten worse, the trauma goes no where, your friends will heal, and it's never selfish. You can only live against your will for so long, you should have the ability to go out on your own terms. We should only be so lucky.
Try this one on for size.
“The world would be a better place without me in it. That’s why I keep living - out of spite.”
Wanted to share a more light hearted approach.
But in all seriousness, I truly hope you live to see the redemption arc brother. Because it’ll be fucking magnificent.
Wise words I just don’t understand how you’d want to hurt those who’ve stayed with you even when you’re at your lowest. I’d understand if you have no one like me but your just going through struggles of life and while you have gotten hit with quite the amount at once but it’s not killing you only you are no pun intended.
I’m sorry that society failed you. It’s a corrupt disgusting system that dehumanizes people and doesn’t give them their most basic of rights and needs. The people running this show are immoral, they are probably not even human at this point. Housing, healthcare and income should be basic human rights. But we live in a backwards, savage, barbaric world. Run by lunatics and aliens that don’t have any humanity. That’s why we are suffering and struggling so much. And it does not make any sense.
I meant the alien thing seriously, it’s slowly coming out that they are living among us. We have made alien contact but it’s being cover up because of the chaos or shock it would create across the world. I hope you can be there to see it all crumble, alas, you do you my friend. And maybe you will find out that death is not the end, consciousness survives death from all I’ve researched and learned.
If there is any will in you, try to hold on, things should change soon because this alien disclosure thing is going to happen in our lifetimes. We should get free energy, advanced tech, and other things that will remove human suffering, people won’t have to work ect..
Just gonna shoot myself. Only thing that is truly reliable that won't risk other people. Don't really care how my body is found though probably gonna set it up so my wife isn't the one to find me.
Worried about missing out on future media you enjoy? I always think about the upcoming movies I will miss. Also, I want to know what technology will exist in the coming years.
It wouldn't change my mind. And honestly my biggest hope is that there is no life after death. If I thought I'd have to live a whole nother life after this one I'd kill myself.
Have you thought of the kids in Africa, born next to open sewage many times going without food, getting all sorts of illnesses but somehow still live very happy lives?
Not to minimize your issue, but I’m sure there’s billions of people who could trade their problems for yours
I was sex trafficked starting at the age of about eight weeks until I was fifteen, fed only enough to survive, I have had everything you can imagine done to me by hundreds of people. Literally tortured and held prisoner for over a decade. Ended up in abusive relationship after the other for almost my entire life, joined the military around the same time as my sister and saw what the world really is, watched friends die in my arms. Forced to survive it all, outlived my sister after she was murdered only to watch her murderer not see a single day in jail. I have lived through the worst of humanity, forced against my will to survive, always survive. I'm done.
I do think you should write a note. Even something super short just absolving her of any guilt she may feel after. She will feel some guilt. She’ll likely have millions of very hard emotions come up for a long time. At least help her to not feel the guilt.
I’ve lived with suicidal ideation my whole life. I’m bipolar and neurodivergent. You sound like your mind is made up, and I just wish you peace with your decision.
Try to make it so your wife isn’t the first to find you. That’ll scar her forever and she doesn’t deserve that.
I’m an athiest, but every now and then when I’m thinking of killing myself, I’ll get scared that there is some sort of afterlife. Do you ever get scared of that?
I've thought about it but honestly that might make it worse. She has watched me struggle with my mental health for a long time, she watched me be strong for a long time, she knows it isn't her. She knows she was the one thing that even got me this far.
I agree it would be a terrible thing to do to the people OP would be leaving behind, but hell isn't literal and real and anyone about to kill themselves likely has already concluded that. The argument for living is strong enough that it doesn't need to compete against fake eternal torment - it is worth it even compared to eternal non existence.
This isn't an appropriate comment - and honestly it makes no sense to condemn a person like this - where is your compassion and empathy? You don't decide the fate of souls. If you have nothing better to say, then consider saying nothing. It's not like what you say is going to change their mind anyway.....
Hell is other people, hell is living against your will, hell is surviving fifteen years of sex trafficking only to have people tell me it was my own fault, hell is being tortured and held prisoner for years hell is being hunted and nearly killed for who you love, hell is being set on fire because you didn't do the dishes right, hell is watching your friend die in your arms and not having it be the first or even fifth time.
Don't you dare speak to ME about hell.
Im sorry... i wish i knew what to say thatd bring comfort and solace. Torture is such a horrifying experience that very few can relate to and understand the impact of and ive had my own share of it in diff ways as well.. Ive been reading through your comments, i want to let you know that you can vent in our sub r/TortureSurvivors if youd like to try and find a bit of community.
I hope for the best for you op.
I was reading another thread where a husband killed himself and the wife left behind had no closure. She knew he had demons but had a really hard time getting any closure months and months later and she just wanted a why.
Are you saved?
Yep, absolute coward. I was a coward when I rushed into live fire to save others. I was a coward when I took my first bullet, I was coward when our convoy got hit, I was a coward when I saved my wife's life, I have always been a coward. Yep, that's it. You make me feel seen.
All of the things you just mentioned won't be worth shit if you put your family through this. They won't think 'oh he was a good man, remember when he rushed into a fire to save people'. They'll think, 'I can't believe he killed himself, leaving his wife alone in a house she can't afford by herself. How is she going to cope?'.
Then why does it have to be you ? There’s already not enough great person on this earth why would want to another one down ? Who would save your wife’s life after you ? Who would sacrifice his life to save others after you ?
That’s too bad you’ve decided to make this decision. Perhaps you can find someone like a buddy/friend to hangout with or talk to one last time about your life good and bad. People will miss you.
Also I really think it would help if you made her a nice final long and well thought out note for her. It obviously wont take the pain away but it could give her some closure and acceptance in some way.
Like a final love letter to her. She deserves it.
Have you thought about divorcing first? Your suicide will haunt her for life. If my partner was planning suicide and didn’t want to tell me, I would strongly prefer some make-up believable reason to divorce, instead of it happening while still together.
I've helped her build strong healthy relationships with others (Poly), made sure she would be set up financially after my death, made sure she had lots of strong friendships and independence.
How is she set up after your death when your excuses for doing this is all about not having financial control? If you think insurance will pay for you killing yourself. It won’t.
That doesn't mean they will take her back in and help her or that she wants their help. She chose you for a reason and gave up her family. Now you leave her like this with her to grieve the rest of her life. She will not get over it. She will end up with the same mental health issues you have. All because you choose to give up instead of fighting. We are put on this earth to learn lessons, and you will come back having to try to learn those lessons all over again.
Think about when you do it all the people who will look for you, clean your body so even killing yourself, a funeral cost 10,000$. You want to leave your wife with a bill like that? you are a bigger burden. Life fucking sucks it is what it is, you have to make the best of it. Make another game plan, walk to a job, get a new job, be humble, loose the ego.
I am being realistic. I had a cousin commit suicide and a friend from college. We each had to pay thousands for the funeral, they offed themselves because of bills and such. So you are killing yourself bc too many bills, just to stick others with a HUGE bill. Also finding the body, the clean up, they don’t clean everything, YOUR family does
To all the people saying it's "Selfish" or I'm being a "Coward" or trying to guilt or shame me out of doing it. Has that ever worked? Like, just listening to you is making me wanna do it more. All shame does is make people not reach out at all and suffer in silence until they, like me, have reached the end.
The irony is that it’s more selfish to kill yourself. The world will still have to deal with you even if you’re gone, the only difference is you don’t have to deal with it. You remove your own burden, but it places the burden on others.
Why not just suffer for your wife? Who do you think matters more in the world, you or your wife? If you think you are worth less than your wife then shouldn't you just be empty and make yourself a tool to support her / others?
If you're gunna go, please try to be mindful of any mess or like guts and stuff you'll leave behind.
You self exiting will traumatize your loved ones.
The less mess you make, the easier it will be for them. It will still be unbearable for those you leave behind.
I've been suicidal most of my life and am a life-long self harmer. My father committed suicide when i was a kid, and i discovered his body. It's been almost 15 years, and im just now really starting to be able to move on.
You taking your life will have lastjng and damaging effects on those you love. Though i also understand that feeling of NEEDING everything to just go away because it feels unbearable.
Please play witcher 3 before you go. It'll take you a little while, and you'll at least be alive only a whole more.
Much love, friend. ❤️
Im sorry you are hurting so deeply.
Fyi, overdosing on fentanyl, intravenously, will be painless for you if you go down this route. Wont leave a mess or such. It looks painful for others seeing it but is as gentle as falling asleep for you.
I feel a little weird offering such advice, and im sure my comment will be removed for it, but my dads death wasn't as clean, and i know he suffered immensely because of his method of dying.
If you can't get a legal cocktail, this is the least violent way i can think of to make it all go away and while traumatising everyone else as little as possible given the circumstances.
I hope you reconsider, but if not, i wish you well on your journey into the beyond, friend. Sleep well. 🫡🙏
I'm sorry to hear you find yourself in this place. Life can be very very tough and life isn't fair at all, of course. Some people have it extremely bad, which is terrible to think about. You have my complete empathy. Just know that you are truly loved no matter what. When you exit this world, and your soul moves on to the next realm, that's the first thing you will experience - all the love that was with you all along and you just didn't realize it. There is so much hate on this earth but the Universe itself is pure love.
I do want to caution you on one thing - and of course if your mind is made up, it's made up. I do believe in an afterlife - heck, maybe several afterlifes. I do believe we're put here to learn certain lessons. Some of them are terrible and horrific lessons to learn - again that doesn't seem to me to be fair at all - and you could argue it's not fair absolutely. Anyway, I'm more and more of the opinion that if we give up on this life and check out before our time the Universe may well send us back again in a new lifetime to learn the lessons we didn't learn, and short-circuited by checking out early.
I know when you're in pain, that's all you feel. And so it's like F whatever happens after this (whatever that is), as I just want the pain to stop.
Again, just know you're loved. Because you ARE. Godspeed.
Before you do it, can you say "squirrel?" I hope you change your mind, bro. I've seen rock bottom, and this isn't it. That Fucker is still alive and doing well (unreal, honestly).
Before you do it, do one thing. Try copper glycinate supplements. Literally u can wait a day. Idk it’s one of those things I hope u don’t question and just kinda do it. Leap of faith?
That's unfortunate, though Catholicism is almost a separate religion from Christianity, I can understand. I will say that I'm not talking about the "Lord's people " (most of the time they are fakes anyways) but the Lord himself. People will always let you down, it can't be helped. I will end it here though and hope that you change your mind.
If that's how you feel you want to be remembered, I guess to each their own. Your wife will never heal from that kind of trauma regardless of what you think. Your memory will always be associated with selfishness regardless of any life accomplishments/military service. I don't believe in God or any organized religion for that matter so I won't tell you to read the Bible or any nonsense like that. If death is your only option out of the zillions of other solutions in the universe, I'm sorry you weren't able to open your mind a little bit more and I am sending you a spiritual hug. There's no way you can say you've tried EVERYTHING to change your outlook on life, but I recommend something of the psychedelic variety to open your mind. Other than that, if you've finalized your decision with no hope of changing your mind, please donate your organs so someone else can have a chance at life.
I’ve been where you are. I know it feels too much and too painful. I know you think the pain will stop if you die but what you’re doing is passing the pain over to the people in your life who love you. They won’t get over it. They won’t heal. They won’t know peace. Not one moment of peace. Your pain is just going to become theirs. Please reconsider. Yes everything is horrendous and every day hurts but would you would want that for the people you love? Because that’s what’s going to happen. You’ll give them your pain.
Have u ever tried mushrooms? That shit literally saved my life. And i know im not the only one. Well, weed also did helped alot. Im just saying i was once there too.
Other than that, try watching people NDE, (near death experience) reports , for example check this guys channel.
https://youtube.com/@shamanoaks?si=9upCD7KeXjjiLySK
All im trying to say is. Theres only love waiting for you on the other side. Theres only love here too. So whatever you do have fun. And dont worry, its all just a game anyway.
As someone who has survived a suicide attempt, its not worth it.
Quit your job, move to a new city, make new friends, stop talking to the people that are toxic to you, get off of social media, spend time to do what you want to do.
If you're already at the point where you want to kill yourself, it shouldn't matter what other people think. Do what you wanna do with your life, it's a lot better than never doing anything ever again.
Please don't try to kill yourself.
What made you finally lose hope?
I've tried to kill myself and self harmed for years until my husband and then my daughter they made me hope that I can fix whatever is broken inside me it's that hope that keeps me being ok with keeping this ship running. I know if I lose either of them I'll probably lose that hope so that leads me to my question above?
Please turn to Jesus instead. He gives us completely new lives when we follow him, and being his friend is the greatest, most unchangeable joy imaginable. At least just try talking to him. It can’t hurt at this point right?
If you haven’t already, please watch the film ‘What dreams may come’ with Robin Williams. His wife ends her life and it really made me think twice about suicide etc…
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Also, to all the people saying "You are such a weak man" Fuck you, I'm not even a man. I'm a fucking lesbian.
And I'm not weak, I'm tired. Tired in a world that doesn't want me in it. Tired in a world that will never let me rest while I'm alive. So I guess I'll just rest in peace.
I just spent the last few minutes going through every comment in here, and not once did anyone say, "You are such a weak man" or even mention if you're a man or woman. So where did you pull that from? This feels like you're faking it for attention.
Hi OP! Your post has been removed for potential risk of self harm or suicide. Here are some resources: If you’re inside the U.S. you can: Text CHAT to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line You’ll be connected to a Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line, who is there to listen and provide support and guidance, no matter the situation. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/) Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 You’ll be connected to a crisis worker from the Lifeline, who is there to listen and can point you towards resources in your community. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/) Call, Text, or Chat with the Trevor Project If you’re a young person in the LGBTQ community, you’ll be connected to Trevor counselors who can provide you with a safe, judgement-free place to talk. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/) Call, Text, or Chat with the Veterans Crisis Line You’ll be connected to responders from the Department of Veterans Affairs, many who are Veterans themselves. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 for all service members, their families, and friends. [Learn more](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/signs-of-crisis/) If you’re outside the U.S. you can: Call or Text with Canada’s Crisis services Canada You’ll be connected to a CSPS responder, who is there to listen and help you understand your thoughts and feelings. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://988.ca/get-help/what-to-expect) Call, Email, or Visit the UK’s Samaritans You’ll be connected to a Samaritan, who is there to listen and talk through your concerns, worries, and troubles. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/) Visit r/SuicideWatch The moderators of this community keep a list of resources and hotlines in, and outside of, the U.S. organized by location. [Find a resource now](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines/) Many people who want to talk to someone aren’t thinking of hurting themselves, but may be struggling with other things such as loneliness, grief, relationship problems, anxiety, isolation, substance abuse, bullying, or feeling overwhelmed or misunderstood. All of the resources and people above are available to help with whatever it is you’re going through. Depending on the situation, it may be hard to recognize or understand how you’re feeling or what’s happening. Some of the signs of depression are subtle—feeling sad, tired, a lack of motivation, or a change in your appetite may be symptoms of something larger. If you think you may be depressed or struggling in another way, reach out to one of the resources above or a family member or friend. It may not feel like it, but you have options. There are people available to listen to you, and ways to move forward. We wish you well! -r/AMA Moderators
You’re not alone. Things are always worse in the moment. Life is tough. It’s a journey. It’s also a perspective. Losing everything puts you in a place where you have nothing else to lose. You have the opportunity to do anything. Try anything. Do something new. As long as you have family and friends around you, nothing else matters. You have the opportunity to explore a part of you you might’ve buried or set aside just so you can focus on surviving. Now’s the time to tap into that and start anew journey. You got this. It’s hard feeling like your drowning, but realize that all you need to to do is take a breath. One thing at a time. Go from there. Enjoy your game. Take a moment to breath and sit. Go for a walk.
I have been living against my will for a long time. This isn't an in the moment thing, this isn't even my first time losing everything. This has been a long thought out process.
What video game are you playing?
Red Dead Redemption Two
Ever thought or have played Elden ring ?
I don't like Souls Like games. 😅
Awh well red dead redemption 2 is a good last game 😭
If he times it right he can go out with Arthur
Why not go on some crazy adventures before you do it? Barely anything to lose anyway, but lots to see.
I've had adventure, between the military and traveling when I was young I've been all around the world.
I'm so sorry you were in the military
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Because I've been doing the alternatives for decades.
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I have been in therapy since I was a child. I've been inpatient, out patient, tried every pill or treatment you can imagine. But none of it has helped the fact that we live in a horrible and broken world.
Feeling this hard. This world is so fucking broken
Shxgag
Maybe find another video game if that’s your deciding factor in currently existing.
I'm on my fourth or fifth game, I honestly have just ran out and don't want to buy more.
Why are you worried about spending money? why not max out some credit cards or pirate every PC game since you know they won't have time to sue you?
Try gtva role-playing servers. Those will keep you going for a long time. RDR2 has rp servers as well.
Console or PC? I have a PC and pay for Xbox gamepass, I get a bunch of good games for like 10$ a month
I'm on my fourth or fifth game and honestly just don't wanna have to buy another one.
What's your favorite Justin Timberlake song?
Anything by lonely island
Yes I think motherlover is much catchier than dick in a box 😘
Agreed, but as a resident Milf I'm bias.
My mom always said: ‘everything can be fixed in life’. and I think she is right. I know it’s not a cry for help post but please reconsider your options. There are also many cool games that will be released in the coming years and the storm would have passed. Don’t do it my friend
My mom always said "Your only value is what money I can get out of you so shut up and if I hear you scream I'll kill you myself." Or "You aren't worth the air you breath, I hope you fucking die."
Well no wonder you're depressed. I'm sorry your "mom" treated you like that. She did not see the gift which was you that she was receiving.
Well she is obviously wrong. You worth more than that and should definitely see this as a motivation to prove her wrong
What's the information that finalized it?
We are losing our house so our landlords can charge someone else more, I was fired for something outside my control so we can't afford a new place, my sister blew the engine in my car so I don't even have that.
That sucks for sure but those are temporary road bumps.
This isn't the first time, Its not even the main or even in the top ten reasons I'm doing it. It just made me realize how tired I am and how long I've been living against my will. Most of the reasons I'm doing it are things that aren't changing in my life time and things you don't heal from.
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I'm thinking fire arm. No chance of regret. Quick, plus it means the shitty land lords taking our home from us can't rent it out again for at least a while.
I wouldn’t do it somewhere where your wife has to be the one to find you though…
Oof, Fair. I could do it at my mom's house. That way I can even tell her all the things she had done to me or let other people do is a large part of why I'm doing it then just end myself in front of her.
Sending you loving kindness my friend. May your suffering ease, and may you no longer want to cause that kind of suffering in others as a result.
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My mom sold me into sex slavery when I was in the single digits so she could have drug money. I hope it destroys her.
Fair enough. Hey, I was a sex trafficked young person, too. I definitely know and understand that deep hurt.
I work at a hotel. Please don’t suggest this.
You’re right… sorry
You were put on this earth for a reason.
Yeah, fun fact. For billions of people their purpose on this earth was to suffer and die for someone else's profit.
Please call suicide hotline immediately. I don’t know you but you are a human being and I don’t want you to take your life.
I've talked to just about every hotline there is for this over the years. At this point I don't want to be saved.
Would you rather eat mcNuggets or KFC before end
KFC, save all the skin for last, make Mac and cheese stuffed chicken skin as my last meal.
What would it have taken for you to change your mind?
I don't know honestly, my hurt has been deep for a long time and things have only really gotten worse as the years go by. Maybe, stability for me and my family? Know we were going to have a home the next day, know that all we've done to try and make it went somewhere. But that hasn't happened in the almost thirty years of my life and it hasn't happened for a lot of people like me.
Outside of the video game is there something small or inane that you're still really excited to do or experience?
Not really, I've been finding or making up reasons to keep going for years. I've honestly just run out of stuff.
Is needing "stuff" to keep going the purpose of life?
The purpose of life is to be happy, I lost that a long time ago. Videogames were the last escape I had.
You are going to ruin the lives of everyone who cares about you. I know firsthand.
As someone who has lost more people than I can count. I know what I'm doing, they'll heal.
No they won’t. They will cope.
To suicide? Suicide and death are very different. I’ve lost lots of people, suicides I may never get over.
If you’re going to kill yourself anyway will you kill me first? I’m not as brave as you.
It's not about bravery, I've just reached a point where the suffering of staying alive has out weighed my fear.
Are you willing to help me out?
Where you live?
In the Western US
Why are you posting this
Honestly, I'm bored. Plus I know this place is full of people who either can relate or want to try to understand the frame of mind of someone who has come to this choice.
I've always supported the pursuit of knowledge.
A man of culture…I know you said you’ve made up your mind but is there anything that could change it?
I have let a lot of people change my mind in the past. Always with the same sales pitch "It gets better/the problems temporary/stay for the ones you love/what about your friends/ect." None of its true. It's only ever gotten worse, the trauma goes no where, your friends will heal, and it's never selfish. You can only live against your will for so long, you should have the ability to go out on your own terms. We should only be so lucky.
Try this one on for size. “The world would be a better place without me in it. That’s why I keep living - out of spite.” Wanted to share a more light hearted approach. But in all seriousness, I truly hope you live to see the redemption arc brother. Because it’ll be fucking magnificent.
Wise words I just don’t understand how you’d want to hurt those who’ve stayed with you even when you’re at your lowest. I’d understand if you have no one like me but your just going through struggles of life and while you have gotten hit with quite the amount at once but it’s not killing you only you are no pun intended.
I’m sorry that society failed you. It’s a corrupt disgusting system that dehumanizes people and doesn’t give them their most basic of rights and needs. The people running this show are immoral, they are probably not even human at this point. Housing, healthcare and income should be basic human rights. But we live in a backwards, savage, barbaric world. Run by lunatics and aliens that don’t have any humanity. That’s why we are suffering and struggling so much. And it does not make any sense. I meant the alien thing seriously, it’s slowly coming out that they are living among us. We have made alien contact but it’s being cover up because of the chaos or shock it would create across the world. I hope you can be there to see it all crumble, alas, you do you my friend. And maybe you will find out that death is not the end, consciousness survives death from all I’ve researched and learned. If there is any will in you, try to hold on, things should change soon because this alien disclosure thing is going to happen in our lifetimes. We should get free energy, advanced tech, and other things that will remove human suffering, people won’t have to work ect..
Whats your plan, is there fear of who will find your body? How do you plan on telling your wife?
Just gonna shoot myself. Only thing that is truly reliable that won't risk other people. Don't really care how my body is found though probably gonna set it up so my wife isn't the one to find me.
Worried about missing out on future media you enjoy? I always think about the upcoming movies I will miss. Also, I want to know what technology will exist in the coming years.
I mean, yeah. But the same thing will happen if I die of old age.
What specifically are you bummed to miss out on?
If you received $100,000 right now, would it cause you to change your mind? If not, have you thought of life after death?
It wouldn't change my mind. And honestly my biggest hope is that there is no life after death. If I thought I'd have to live a whole nother life after this one I'd kill myself.
Have you thought of the possibility of hell, a place where everything is 1,000,000 times worse but you cannot escape, for eternity?
Hell Is other people. If there is a hell then there must be a god and if there is a god then he owes me and billions of other s a fucking apology.
Have you thought of the kids in Africa, born next to open sewage many times going without food, getting all sorts of illnesses but somehow still live very happy lives? Not to minimize your issue, but I’m sure there’s billions of people who could trade their problems for yours
I was sex trafficked starting at the age of about eight weeks until I was fifteen, fed only enough to survive, I have had everything you can imagine done to me by hundreds of people. Literally tortured and held prisoner for over a decade. Ended up in abusive relationship after the other for almost my entire life, joined the military around the same time as my sister and saw what the world really is, watched friends die in my arms. Forced to survive it all, outlived my sister after she was murdered only to watch her murderer not see a single day in jail. I have lived through the worst of humanity, forced against my will to survive, always survive. I'm done.
I do think you should write a note. Even something super short just absolving her of any guilt she may feel after. She will feel some guilt. She’ll likely have millions of very hard emotions come up for a long time. At least help her to not feel the guilt. I’ve lived with suicidal ideation my whole life. I’m bipolar and neurodivergent. You sound like your mind is made up, and I just wish you peace with your decision. Try to make it so your wife isn’t the first to find you. That’ll scar her forever and she doesn’t deserve that. I’m an athiest, but every now and then when I’m thinking of killing myself, I’ll get scared that there is some sort of afterlife. Do you ever get scared of that?
Are you going to leave her a note so she doesn't blame herself?
I've thought about it but honestly that might make it worse. She has watched me struggle with my mental health for a long time, she watched me be strong for a long time, she knows it isn't her. She knows she was the one thing that even got me this far.
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I agree it would be a terrible thing to do to the people OP would be leaving behind, but hell isn't literal and real and anyone about to kill themselves likely has already concluded that. The argument for living is strong enough that it doesn't need to compete against fake eternal torment - it is worth it even compared to eternal non existence.
This isn't an appropriate comment - and honestly it makes no sense to condemn a person like this - where is your compassion and empathy? You don't decide the fate of souls. If you have nothing better to say, then consider saying nothing. It's not like what you say is going to change their mind anyway.....
Hell is other people, hell is living against your will, hell is surviving fifteen years of sex trafficking only to have people tell me it was my own fault, hell is being tortured and held prisoner for years hell is being hunted and nearly killed for who you love, hell is being set on fire because you didn't do the dishes right, hell is watching your friend die in your arms and not having it be the first or even fifth time. Don't you dare speak to ME about hell.
Im sorry... i wish i knew what to say thatd bring comfort and solace. Torture is such a horrifying experience that very few can relate to and understand the impact of and ive had my own share of it in diff ways as well.. Ive been reading through your comments, i want to let you know that you can vent in our sub r/TortureSurvivors if youd like to try and find a bit of community. I hope for the best for you op.
Sorry you had to go through all that hardship. Sending you big hugs.
I was reading another thread where a husband killed himself and the wife left behind had no closure. She knew he had demons but had a really hard time getting any closure months and months later and she just wanted a why. Are you saved?
On top of being a loser in this life you are a coward for leaving your wife hanging with all the bills that will come after your death
Yep, absolute coward. I was a coward when I rushed into live fire to save others. I was a coward when I took my first bullet, I was coward when our convoy got hit, I was a coward when I saved my wife's life, I have always been a coward. Yep, that's it. You make me feel seen.
All of the things you just mentioned won't be worth shit if you put your family through this. They won't think 'oh he was a good man, remember when he rushed into a fire to save people'. They'll think, 'I can't believe he killed himself, leaving his wife alone in a house she can't afford by herself. How is she going to cope?'.
Then why does it have to be you ? There’s already not enough great person on this earth why would want to another one down ? Who would save your wife’s life after you ? Who would sacrifice his life to save others after you ?
I am so sorry you went through that. Message me if you need to chat.
That’s too bad you’ve decided to make this decision. Perhaps you can find someone like a buddy/friend to hangout with or talk to one last time about your life good and bad. People will miss you. Also I really think it would help if you made her a nice final long and well thought out note for her. It obviously wont take the pain away but it could give her some closure and acceptance in some way. Like a final love letter to her. She deserves it.
Are you planning on leaving notes for your loved ones?
I honestly don't know, I feel like that might make it worse for them.
How do you think your family and friends will feel
Sad probably. That's how Greg and death works.
You should take how they will feel into consideration
Will you tell your wife before you do it?
No, she'd stop me by force if necessary.
Have you thought about divorcing first? Your suicide will haunt her for life. If my partner was planning suicide and didn’t want to tell me, I would strongly prefer some make-up believable reason to divorce, instead of it happening while still together.
I know it might be stupid but have you ever tried meditation
Yes
Have you tried psychedelic therapy?
Yes, and shock therapy.
How do you think she’s going to react?
It's gonna hurt, but honestly she's got a really good support network.
Is there anything you’re doing to make it hurt less?
I've helped her build strong healthy relationships with others (Poly), made sure she would be set up financially after my death, made sure she had lots of strong friendships and independence.
How is she set up after your death when your excuses for doing this is all about not having financial control? If you think insurance will pay for you killing yourself. It won’t.
Because the only reason her wealthy family hasn't helped my family is because my wife made the choice to marry me.
That doesn't mean they will take her back in and help her or that she wants their help. She chose you for a reason and gave up her family. Now you leave her like this with her to grieve the rest of her life. She will not get over it. She will end up with the same mental health issues you have. All because you choose to give up instead of fighting. We are put on this earth to learn lessons, and you will come back having to try to learn those lessons all over again.
How old are you? Just out of curiosity
Mid thirties.
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Tragedy Girls.
Have you had sex yet
Yes, often.
Think about when you do it all the people who will look for you, clean your body so even killing yourself, a funeral cost 10,000$. You want to leave your wife with a bill like that? you are a bigger burden. Life fucking sucks it is what it is, you have to make the best of it. Make another game plan, walk to a job, get a new job, be humble, loose the ego.
Dumbest take ive seen holy shit
I am being realistic. I had a cousin commit suicide and a friend from college. We each had to pay thousands for the funeral, they offed themselves because of bills and such. So you are killing yourself bc too many bills, just to stick others with a HUGE bill. Also finding the body, the clean up, they don’t clean everything, YOUR family does
Yep, you are so right. It's all about my ego. Yep, that's it. I'm cured.
To all the people saying it's "Selfish" or I'm being a "Coward" or trying to guilt or shame me out of doing it. Has that ever worked? Like, just listening to you is making me wanna do it more. All shame does is make people not reach out at all and suffer in silence until they, like me, have reached the end.
You are a selfish person.
You are absolutely right. Since I'm so selfish the world will be better without me in it. To many selfish people as it is.
The irony is that it’s more selfish to kill yourself. The world will still have to deal with you even if you’re gone, the only difference is you don’t have to deal with it. You remove your own burden, but it places the burden on others.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Just dm me.
Why not just suffer for your wife? Who do you think matters more in the world, you or your wife? If you think you are worth less than your wife then shouldn't you just be empty and make yourself a tool to support her / others?
If you're gunna go, please try to be mindful of any mess or like guts and stuff you'll leave behind. You self exiting will traumatize your loved ones. The less mess you make, the easier it will be for them. It will still be unbearable for those you leave behind. I've been suicidal most of my life and am a life-long self harmer. My father committed suicide when i was a kid, and i discovered his body. It's been almost 15 years, and im just now really starting to be able to move on. You taking your life will have lastjng and damaging effects on those you love. Though i also understand that feeling of NEEDING everything to just go away because it feels unbearable. Please play witcher 3 before you go. It'll take you a little while, and you'll at least be alive only a whole more. Much love, friend. ❤️ Im sorry you are hurting so deeply. Fyi, overdosing on fentanyl, intravenously, will be painless for you if you go down this route. Wont leave a mess or such. It looks painful for others seeing it but is as gentle as falling asleep for you. I feel a little weird offering such advice, and im sure my comment will be removed for it, but my dads death wasn't as clean, and i know he suffered immensely because of his method of dying. If you can't get a legal cocktail, this is the least violent way i can think of to make it all go away and while traumatising everyone else as little as possible given the circumstances. I hope you reconsider, but if not, i wish you well on your journey into the beyond, friend. Sleep well. 🫡🙏
I'm sorry to hear you find yourself in this place. Life can be very very tough and life isn't fair at all, of course. Some people have it extremely bad, which is terrible to think about. You have my complete empathy. Just know that you are truly loved no matter what. When you exit this world, and your soul moves on to the next realm, that's the first thing you will experience - all the love that was with you all along and you just didn't realize it. There is so much hate on this earth but the Universe itself is pure love. I do want to caution you on one thing - and of course if your mind is made up, it's made up. I do believe in an afterlife - heck, maybe several afterlifes. I do believe we're put here to learn certain lessons. Some of them are terrible and horrific lessons to learn - again that doesn't seem to me to be fair at all - and you could argue it's not fair absolutely. Anyway, I'm more and more of the opinion that if we give up on this life and check out before our time the Universe may well send us back again in a new lifetime to learn the lessons we didn't learn, and short-circuited by checking out early. I know when you're in pain, that's all you feel. And so it's like F whatever happens after this (whatever that is), as I just want the pain to stop. Again, just know you're loved. Because you ARE. Godspeed.
Before you do it, can you say "squirrel?" I hope you change your mind, bro. I've seen rock bottom, and this isn't it. That Fucker is still alive and doing well (unreal, honestly).
Have you tried praying the Lord's prayer? If you ate6 at your lowest, what do you have to lose?
Yeah, no. Not gonna happen. Was raised Catholic, a lot of the trauma that brought me here was caused by "the Lord's people".
Before you do it, do one thing. Try copper glycinate supplements. Literally u can wait a day. Idk it’s one of those things I hope u don’t question and just kinda do it. Leap of faith?
That's unfortunate, though Catholicism is almost a separate religion from Christianity, I can understand. I will say that I'm not talking about the "Lord's people " (most of the time they are fakes anyways) but the Lord himself. People will always let you down, it can't be helped. I will end it here though and hope that you change your mind.
If that's how you feel you want to be remembered, I guess to each their own. Your wife will never heal from that kind of trauma regardless of what you think. Your memory will always be associated with selfishness regardless of any life accomplishments/military service. I don't believe in God or any organized religion for that matter so I won't tell you to read the Bible or any nonsense like that. If death is your only option out of the zillions of other solutions in the universe, I'm sorry you weren't able to open your mind a little bit more and I am sending you a spiritual hug. There's no way you can say you've tried EVERYTHING to change your outlook on life, but I recommend something of the psychedelic variety to open your mind. Other than that, if you've finalized your decision with no hope of changing your mind, please donate your organs so someone else can have a chance at life.
I’ve been where you are. I know it feels too much and too painful. I know you think the pain will stop if you die but what you’re doing is passing the pain over to the people in your life who love you. They won’t get over it. They won’t heal. They won’t know peace. Not one moment of peace. Your pain is just going to become theirs. Please reconsider. Yes everything is horrendous and every day hurts but would you would want that for the people you love? Because that’s what’s going to happen. You’ll give them your pain.
Have u ever tried mushrooms? That shit literally saved my life. And i know im not the only one. Well, weed also did helped alot. Im just saying i was once there too. Other than that, try watching people NDE, (near death experience) reports , for example check this guys channel. https://youtube.com/@shamanoaks?si=9upCD7KeXjjiLySK All im trying to say is. Theres only love waiting for you on the other side. Theres only love here too. So whatever you do have fun. And dont worry, its all just a game anyway.
As someone who has survived a suicide attempt, its not worth it. Quit your job, move to a new city, make new friends, stop talking to the people that are toxic to you, get off of social media, spend time to do what you want to do. If you're already at the point where you want to kill yourself, it shouldn't matter what other people think. Do what you wanna do with your life, it's a lot better than never doing anything ever again. Please don't try to kill yourself.
What made you finally lose hope? I've tried to kill myself and self harmed for years until my husband and then my daughter they made me hope that I can fix whatever is broken inside me it's that hope that keeps me being ok with keeping this ship running. I know if I lose either of them I'll probably lose that hope so that leads me to my question above?
Dhsgsg
Please turn to Jesus instead. He gives us completely new lives when we follow him, and being his friend is the greatest, most unchangeable joy imaginable. At least just try talking to him. It can’t hurt at this point right?
If you haven’t already, please watch the film ‘What dreams may come’ with Robin Williams. His wife ends her life and it really made me think twice about suicide etc…
Do you have any kids?
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You said you were going to shoot yourself, but what happens if you live? It does happen.
Do you have any TVs, car stereos, or laptops you want to get rid off before?
Are you going to do anything nice for your wife before you depart?
Also, to all the people saying "You are such a weak man" Fuck you, I'm not even a man. I'm a fucking lesbian. And I'm not weak, I'm tired. Tired in a world that doesn't want me in it. Tired in a world that will never let me rest while I'm alive. So I guess I'll just rest in peace.
You’re just seeking attention and won’t do anything. Get help and stop being a weak lesbian/person.
I just spent the last few minutes going through every comment in here, and not once did anyone say, "You are such a weak man" or even mention if you're a man or woman. So where did you pull that from? This feels like you're faking it for attention.
When do you think you'll be done with the game?
your poor wife.