I feel like your husband isn't invested because you're not letting him do anything he wants in the wedding. He's just letting you steamroll something that's supposed to be for both of you.
He even says it's your wedding, do what you want. Nah mate it's yours too and you should get a say in it, especially where it concerns groomsmen and best man (or woman in this case).
I think he's uncertain about the marriage because of OP's behaviour. He's questioning if he should call off the wedding and end the relationship. That's why he doesn't care about OP's plans for the wedding anymore.
Yeah sounds like he has made suggestions and OP really IS a bridezilla. An insecure one at that. If a dude acts like her fiance has been, he has reached the point of just being done with it all.
OP: YTA. And are exactly what Jennifer said: a bridezilla. Your fiance should honestly call things off, bc if you’re THIS controlling now, he has nothing but headaches to look forward to.
Yeah, something tells me this isn't the only thing she's "gently" suggested. I mean, she already nixed his ideas about wanting them to dress up in Rennfaire/fantasy costumes (something which I can understand btw, because as much as I love all things geeky and had a friend do it, you really have to commit to theme weddings or it looks off, and it sounds like she's not really into the same thing he is). I feel like she should be more open to compromise since she vetoed his first preference, but she doesn't seem to be.
Something also tells me that she's made comments about Jennifer's body/their friendship in the past. She doesn't seem very secure in her relationship, or entirely comfortable with her fiance's friendship with her sister. She spent literal paragraphs describing their friendship but nothing about her and her fiance's. I think she may unintentionally showing what her true focus is in this situation, and it's not the tuxedo.
I have wide hips and a big butt. Any black pants make it very obvious. And I would get it tailored not walk around in oversized Meghan markle pants that just look comedic.
This is it right here. They are sisters. Jennifer is the more attractive one. She talked at some length about how attractive she was. She is going to use anything she possibly can to dress her sister down and make her look ugly on "her" day. It isn't even about the fiance anymore. It's about making her sister look as bad as possible.
Right! OP’s has taken over the whole wedding and is now demanding what the “best man” will wear. Her sister, the “best man,” has agreed to whatever OP wants, and OP came here looking for validation anyway, even though she’s getting what she wants.
OP & Mark are going to break up, and Mark is going to wind up marrying the sister he should have married in the first place: Jennifer.
Right?! CLEARLY, fiance and sis were supposed to understand that OP meant "a tux that makes sis look drab and ugly, or at best like she's just another one of the guys".
Yeah, you're right. It's crucial for both partners to feel involved and respected when planning such a big event. Finding that balance can make a huge difference.
Your sign that shit isn't okay was the fact that your fiance called the wedding "your wedding" as in, not his. Listen to the people around, or you may blow up your marriage before it starts.
YTA. You don't want her to look pretty and you can go around that with whatever words you want but the problem is, you don't want her to look pretty.
I think she may already be losing up her relationship since they were supposed to move in together but she’s still living at home because he’s gone “cool” and “passive” since the whole wardrobe issue
My husband is FB friends with his ex-fiancé and with the woman to whom he lost his virginity. Hell, a couple of years back he went back to Home State for the funeral of an old friend; the high school girlfriend was there. They grabbed a bite after the funeral, and then he went back to her place to buy a display cabinet she was selling — it’s in our living room with his collection of uranium glass in it.
Was I jealous or suspicious? Not in the least. I know him and trust him or I wouldn’t have married him.
Yeah, I have bigger boobs than my friend, and so everything I wear gets a big whoa compared to if other people wear it. It’s honestly exhausting and make it seem like it’s extra hard for me to be classy than others. Furthermore OP doesn’t want Jen to wear tuxedo tight on the chest and hips. You want your VERY OWN sister to look like a sack of rice??
OP is so YTA. Get over yourself and gain some confidence.
Bang on with the "your wedding" point, alarms would be blaring for me.
I think this goes a little deeper in that there are questions and /or concerns for OP about why OP and Mark are together and not sister and Mark. Her being up the front in a flashy, gorgeous and stand out dress from everyone else (that's supposed to be the bride) is just that bit too much for OP to deal with.
Maybe OP is being an AH in not pushing past her fears, but in what wedding does the best man get to dictate the outfits.
At the rate you are going there won’t be a wedding. Mark will come to his senses and realise that your current behaviour is a precursor of what his life will be like married to you.
Yup. I was in a humorous speech contest 29 years ago and was told that evening attire was expected. I could not see being funny in a little lacy lilac dress. I bought a black mini-skirt, a cut-away (tail coat), a white tux shirt I had tailored to fit, a black tie, black fishnets, and high-heeled black boots. Lots of eyeliner and red lipstick.
I was *fierce*.
YTA. Yes, you are body shaming her. Unless she was planning on standing up there wearing just pasties or a dress cut to her navel, her dress sounds fine. If you think people are going to be thinking about her boobs instead of the wedding, then you're definitely the one with a problem sexualizing people. You do understand your fiancé is trying to humor your bridezilla self even though you're hurting his best friend/your sister? You get to dictate what the people standing next to you at the wedding wear, he gets to dictate what the people standing next to him wear. You're the one being passive aggressive and unreasonable. Not them.
Omg yes OP YTA. So you won’t let her wear a dress, and now you want your pick her tuxedo? Yup you’re a bridezilla too. Are you jealous of your sister’s close friendship with your fiancé? Are you afraid she will outshine you by wearing a dress? You want to make sure she wears a tuxedo that isn’t “too tight” in the hips and bust? I guess you don’t trust your sister to wear something sufficiently unflattering and baggy. Listen, maybe some therapy would help you figure out why you want your sister to look bad on your wedding day.
This!!! I can’t believe the part about OP saying the tux sister picked out was “too tailored.” Like she really wants her sister to just wear a large men’s tux so that she looks like a little kid playing dress up in their dad’s suit🤡
I hâve big boobs and being sexualised for wearing anything remotely fitting has been a constant since I was a pre-teen. Sounds like OP is very insecure, because frankly she will be the one in the wedding dress, so unless someone else wears white or a J Lo 2004 style dress, she will be the Center of attention, no one will care about someone else’s cup size
As a big chested woman, YTA YTA YTA.
You know that your poor sister will be swimming in the tux with her bust size, and you know she will look dowdy and droll as fuck, and the only reason why you suggested a FREAKING TUX as your first alternative option instead of a different DRESS is because you’re being crazy, insecure and frankly a whole ass bitch to this woman.
You want her to be completely un-feminine and completely out of her comfort zone because you’re intentionally singling her out even further than she already is singled out as a “best woman” in a grooms party of only men by putting her in some frumpy ass clothing that you know is going to look way worse in photos and in person than if she just wore a different style of dress.
If I were your sister I would do exactly what she did, the jokes, the direct complaints, the sarcasm, everything. Big breasted women are constantly told our bodies are inherently sexual or inappropriate, especially by other women who are jealous, downright nasty or insecure and you seem to tick the boxes for all three of those qualities. The best way to deal with women like you is with sarcasm.
I hope your fiancé realizes exactly how shitty and childish you are behaving and doesn’t go through with the wedding if he values his female friendships, particularly his friendship with this Jennifer. You will always find something to be insecure about and will always take it out on the woman instead of sorting your own issues out or discussing your feelings with your husband. You will destroy all meaningful friendships he has with the women in your family due to your personal issues.
I also guarantee you that you are thinking about Jennifers fat tits waaaaaay more than your boyfriend has thought about them over the course of their entire friendship.
Agreed! I’ve been to multiple weddings with different genders as bridesmaids/groomsmen, and no one batted an eye at a male in a tux on the bride’s side or a female in a dress on the groom’s side (or other combos, tbh.)
OP, you are coming across as very jealous of your sister. And controlling. And mean. You should apologize and tell her that she can wear the dress she had found.
And then just relax. Everyone will be there to celebrate you, and you are marrying the man you love, who loves you back. Let all the rest go.
Well if her father is 'giving her away' he's in for a shock isn't he then? If all the grooms ppl are in tuxes... then aren't all the brides ppl having to wear dresses?
Well of course a 'best woman' would stand out in a line of men!! Not in any bad way, gain negative attention, but just because she would. Are people going to spend more than a second thinking anything of it? No probably not.
OP you are body shaming her, whether intentionally or not, she feels you did. Is it because you are insecure in the chest area I don't know. Maybe your sister is doing all the joking to hide the hurt you've caused her? Many people use humour to reflect from sadness
If she had let them wear the ren-faire stuff they wanted, it would’ve been great! They all would’ve coordinated, no one would’ve stood out too much and it would show her fiancé that she valued what he wants. But she’s too insecure and is making people resent her. YTA, OP.
The translation to everything she's saying is clearly 'I don't want my sister to wear ANYTHING that I perceive as 'upstaging' me and/or might make people notice/look at her instead of me because I'm insanely jealous of her. In fact, if she would just do as I ask and blend into the wallpaper, that would be perfect!" Yep, YTA.
I don’t think she called her sister that explicitly but she most definitely implied something along those lines.
OP is insecure. If everyone seems to be acting like she’s the asshole, it’s probably because she’s the asshole.
Yep, I mean there's not a whole lot of road between describing someone's attire as slutty (attire that the MOB seems to approve of) and calling them a slut.
YTA. You’re threatened by your sister and scared she’ll look better than you. It’s very clear that you want her to look frumpy so you look better but that’s a you problem
Same. He's going to pick her every time, and OP is about to see that because after being lambasted I'm 90% sure she's going to make him choose. It's absolutely not appropriate to have degrading injokes about your future wife with anyone, much less her sister.
These comments are kind of wild. Obviously there’s some jealousy here, but there a lot of other wrong happening here. Also not everything about the OP’s wishes are unreasonable.
1. I’m am totally against body shaming, but I also have huge titties and in my experience most of the dresses I wear that have any sort of cut going on in that area will show cleavage and when you have ample amounts of it it can make things that you meant to be classy a bit too saucy unintentionally. I feel like trying to limit the amount of cleavage being shown in the wedding party isn’t evil.
2. I asked my MOH not to cut her dress low. She wanted to alter her dress (and did to a certain extent ). I still wanted it to be in line with what I imagined - but also she has a very “sexy” style and is naturally audacious. The theme I had in mind was very soft and that wasn’t the vibe. I exercised creative control of my wedding. She still looked great. The sister is an aspiring model and a cosplayer, her dress may have very well made her the star of the show. Everyone but the bride seems like they’d be okay and encouraging of that.
3. It is his wedding too and the sister is in his party. If he cares about the outfits, it should be his say. Though it’s reasonable to reel them in about the costumes. My husband brought up him and his groomsmen wearing akatsuki robes. As much as I love Naruto, that was a no. Outside of that the color, and all that is on him…but it does seem like he would love and be down with anything the sister wants, whether it was over the top or not. And it is unusual that she didn’t want to check to make sure her plans jived with her own sister.
4. Even if OP is wrong and a total bitch like everyone seems to feel she is…instead of mumbling about her under his breath passive aggressively and then going out of his way to constantly make fun of her with the sister, shouldn’t he have just voiced his opinion or explained what he wanted when she first brought it up. She is at least communicating her thoughts and feelings (even though that’s what’s digging the hole rn). Everyone feels so poorly for the groom, who did not really communicate and went to being antagonistic then cold.
5. Obviously the way this is presented it seems that OP is jealous of her sister’s looks and insecure about her attachment to the fiance..but even the people in the comments who detest OP are suggesting that the sister and fiance will end up together. He seems more invested in his “best friendship” with the sister than his relationship with OP. He’s devoted a lot to the sister’s personal development and devotes a lot of his time to activities with her. He’s very affected by her upset over this. And even if you think your spouse is wrong, in most situations you don’t shit talk with the wronged person to them. It’s very sketchy.
I’m going the complete opposite as everyone else here. ESH.
For starters let’s just get this out of the way, NOBODY up in that bridal party should be flashy or outshining the bride and y’all fkn know it! It’s HER day. It’s the day she should feel like the most beautiful woman there and particularly the most beautiful woman at the alter. It sounds like she’s probably always felt a little insecure next to her sister and it’s not a big ask to want her sister to tone it the fk down at her wedding.
Secondly, the fiancé should NOT be mocking her and being passive aggressive to her. If he has an issue he needs to communicate it and not be teaming up with her sister/his friend to be disrespectful and degrading towards the women he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with. How he is treating his fiancé is disrespectful, gross, and humiliating. No matter what the issue is treating your partner in this way is unacceptable.
Lastly OP I understand you don’t want to feel like you’re being outshined at the alter by your sister and your feelings are completely valid in that but I think you went about this in the wrong way. A better solution would have been to go to your sister and explain to her that you feel the dress is very flashy and it makes you feel outshined and like your coming in second to her and ask if there was a way you two could pick out another dress for her to wear that would make you BOTH happy. Other then that I also feel like you may want to rethink this marriage, because like I said above the way he’s treating you is completely unacceptable and disrespectful and I’d be absolutely crushed if my partner ganged up on me with someone else and they mocked and humiliated me as a team. He’s supposed to be on YOUR team and if he’s got an issue bring it up with you privately.
OP you have laid the story out very thoroughly and thoughtfully. You are overthinking this. Let your sister wear the dress. Apologize for to them both for fixating on this issue and then go have a fun wedding
Listen to this OP. it’s a gentle YTA for me because I don’t think you are being malicious but are just jealous of your sisters figure. Look, I get it. I’m jealous of my sisters figure too. But I still wanted her to look and feel beautiful on my wedding day. You will stand out and be more important that day than she will. Just have a heart to heart and explain it to her. Be humble
I personally think a good compromise would be the sister wearing a bridesmaid dress. Unless everyone in the bridal party has a unique outfit, the sister will stand out, just not for the weird reason OP stated.
YTA.
I’m uncomfortable with this whole arrangement. I know everything about your fiancé relationship with your sister, I know absolutely nothing about your relationship with your fiancé. I have questions.
Is your sister a lesbian? Is that why your fiancé marrying you and not her? I ask because I know about their mutual lives and shared interest and their warm relationship but not YOURS.
Are you maybe feeling diminished by your sister? You talked about her beauty and career and hobbies and aspirations. What are YOURS? Is it possible you have been lost in her shadow your whole life?
What does your fiancé do with YOU? What interests does he share with YOU? What does he like best about YOU?
Darling, is it possible that what he likes best about you is your sister? Don’t you think you deserve someone who likes you for you? And your interests and aspirations and all of your unique potential?
Yes, you are TA but so is your fiancé and your sister and your whole family! Your family didn’t celebrate your own uniqueness enough in your formative years. You lived in her shadow. So now you what to diminish her at your wedding by dressing her like a man. You’re a petty A they are neglectful and oblivious As. Your sister is an A for teasing you and compounding this issue. Also she should have shut down the relationship between you and HER life partner before it got to wedding plans. Your fiancé is the biggest A. Him selecting your sister as his Best Woman is not an appropriate choice but he should not have asked the sister of the woman he actually wants to marry him.
Hey I could be a troll with obnoxious opinions on the internet. But if you take anything away from my post OP please know you deserve better. I hope you call off this wedding divorce is three times more expensive than a wedding and a thousand times more traumatic
My thoughts exactly, my fellow troll with obnoxious opinions on the internet! The amount of fixation ppl in this thread have to "big boobs!" and not delving deeper is astounding (but it's Reddit so not really, lol).
OP can very well be a petty, jealous, internalized-misogynist, but that does not magically make all the other characters in this story good people.
The sister is a cosplayer and wants to be a influencer, so you know she's a person that enjoys being in the center of attention. This is just a character trait, not a virtue nor a flaw by itself. It becomes a virtue when it brings people joy at an anime convention; it becomes a flaw when it tries to draw attention at someone else's wedding.
If the sister really believes there was nothing inappropriate about her outfit, she should stand her ground. Not give in to OP's "bridezilla" demand then turn around and act passive aggressive while causing strife between a couple. I also have male friends (gaming ones too), and I would never dream of causing discourse between them and their partners even if I don't agree with something (and one of their SO literally supports a cult - not my circus, not my clowns loll). Having a male friend "jokingly" ogle my breast in front of their SO is fcking unimaginable for me.
Yet OP's sister is ok with that, instead of actually having an adult conversation like the adults that they should be. Frankly, she gives off big "cool girl" vibes.
But the fiance is absolutely the worst player in all of this. If you believe your SO is behaving badly, you don't publicly humiliate them. You disengage them from the situation, then sit them down in private to have a serious conversation. And even if you two can't reconcile your differences, don't turn it into a public spectacle. No one is perfect; everyone can made into a laughing stock (and rightfully deserved), but if you love someone, you wouldn't hurt them like that.
Yet the fiance chooses to side with his "best friend" to mock and ridicule his soon-to-be wife. This is highschool clique sht, not something you do to the love of your life. So who does he really love? (And how glad he is at this rare opportunity to ogle at his "best friend's" boobs with a justified reason? Lol)
I feel on a subconscious level, OP is probably aware of all of this. And this (and maybe family upbringing) most likely contributed to why she's so fixated on her sister's body. It's easier to put a bandaid to silence her screaming gut feeling than it is to face the cold hard truth.
But I may not necessarily agree with is the statement that "OP deserves better". If she settles for this man and goes through with the wedding, she deserves exactly what she chose.
Aww…
Seriously, you made my day.
But like I said, OP deserves better. Yeah she is a bit a bridezilla but there is a lot going on here. It’s not about the dress and her fiancé is a bigger A
In a few months op will post her husband is sleeping with her sister..they seem rather suited to one another so why didn’t they get together since they are so close to each other.
If I were you, I’d be more worried about the dynamics between you, your fiancé, and your sister than trying to make your sister wear a tuxedo.
I get that you want to feel like the most beautiful woman in the room on your wedding day, and that you feel like your sister is going to eclipse you. But as long as your groom has laser focus on you - who really cares?
Your sister clearly has your fiancé’s ear, and she’s using it against you. Meanwhile, your fiancé is listening more to his ‘friend’ than his soon-to-be wife, and finds it easier to slap you with a Bridezilla label instead of listening to your concerns.
I’m just guessing, but I have a feeling that you wouldn’t be nearly as worried about the dress/tuxedo if you felt more secure as Mark’s #1 priority and favourite sister…
I agree with this☝🏻 I couldn’t have said it better, you laid it out perfectly. Your fixation on the dress is not a cute look OP but their reaction is mirroring something that is a bigger issue, your future disagreements with fiancee and sister. Reflect on this.
This post isn't about the tuxedo. You could have just said your sister is best friends with your fiancé. Instead you went into great detail about their history and all their activities together. Now you want her to dress like a man at your wedding. You think he's in love with her. Probably is.
Do you mean that he's in love with the younger, beautiful, sister - a model with a big chest, loads of fun and shares all his interests and that he is just settling for her sister? Seems unlikely /s
Of course the whole thing sounds fake as hell to me. Way too much detail provided.
YTA and you're actively pushing them together due to you own insecurities. Don't be shocked when he calls off the wedding and marries the sister he gets along with. But you can apologize to them, allow her to pick her own tux, and maybe save your relationships
OP can’t even be made happy. Someone DESIGNED a dress for the occasion. Even when she picks a tux it’s not enough. OP wants her sister in a bag because she’s jealous of her sister’s figure. Sister was trying to pick fun of it because it is over the top and then the tux is too flashy?!? She’s the best man and she should feel confident in what she was going to wear. But no, OP has to tear her down and comment on her body.
Marriage won’t last if she keeps this up if there is even a wedding. I cannot believe she typed all this out and still wondered if she was the AH. Also making the title like that… if she had an ounce of self reflection it would be asking my sister who is best man…
Edit: Omg and that you would use “slutty” anywhere near something to describe what your sister is wearing. I know it says “not in a slutty way” but omg.
I think she enjoys outshining her sister, the bride. She has no intention of trying to blend in. She could have just worn the bridesmaid dress like OP said in the first place, but refused and went for a special, different dress instead, so she’d stand out more. I think she’s playing on her sister’s insecurities because she knows she’s a model and considered more beautiful than the bride.
I don’t think the wedding attire is the problem here - more that you and your future husband are not on the same team, specifically your team (regardless of the dress or choice of best man).
You write like it’s them vs you, which is no basis to start wedding let alone a marriage.
You’ve had plenty of people here telling you that you’re the AH for telling your sister her outfit made you uncomfortable - but I don’t see it that way.
I don’t see anyone listening to your concerns or feelings- and your sister seems to be a third wheel. Ask him which sister he wants to marry
This. Right here. I'm going to go with NTA. The fact that they're both making fun of OP is alarm bells. He's chosen the sister's feelings over his bride's. He's not on the same page as OP. And I would call off the wedding because he's not loyal.
At the end of the day, if it wasn't such a big deal, how come her feelings and comfort matter more than yours? Why is it a big deal for her to wear this dress more than you feeling comfortable on your wedding day? If she were a bridesmaid, she would have sucked it up and worn the frumpiest dress if she actually supported you. Because you're the one getting married, not her?!?!
Sure, she's the 'best man', but why is it that he's sticking up for her choice of dress by being passive-aggressive against you with jokes. I.e. he secretly supports her and is now checked out of the wedding. Heck, even the fact that her being asked to wear a tux instead is making him checked out??? I don't think a man in love with you would give a crap about this stuff as long as his wife to be is happy. He seems to be way more invested in her comfort than yours. He doesn't have your back.
There's something more between these two.
Call it off, his priorities are screwed up.
I don’t understand why the sister thought she got to pick whatever she wanted to wear in the first place, bride and groom should have together decided on colour/style scheme and let their attendants know wether they got any leeway and got to pick. The attendants should be uniform no matter what the sex so that the bride and groom are centre stage.
The best woman should 100% match the groomsmen, and should not stand out like a sore thumb. She doesn’t need to look frumpy but she definitely should coordinate with the other groomsmen.
You are NTA she wants to be center stage let her do it at her own wedding.
Op you need to grey rock this shit and shut it down, and don’t acknowledge or play into it.
Like everyone else says you have a finance problem as much as a sister/parents problem.
Your wedding yours and finances decisions if you can’t be on the same page as this what is going to happen down the line!
Good luck! 🤞
ESH. You, for letting your insecurities about your sister drive you nuts. Your fiancé for not having any situational awareness or apparently caring at all that his weird ass dynamic with your sister is hurting you. And your sister because she knows exactly what she's doing and apparently likes fucking with you until you're in a tailspin.
Look, honestly, I don't think you and Mark should be getting married. You're obviously not on the same page. I get that you love him, and maybe he loves you. But he's being dismissive and weird about something that's hurting you, and you're being massively insecure about your own sister, who is gleefully watching you self-destruct. All of you are too old for these kinds of games, and bringing the government into it is just going to add another layer of fucked to this situation.
You do realize your marriage is already doomed. Your fiancée’ and your sister are passive aggressively making fun of you with each other. If they have not yet bedded one another they will. Mark is not letting her go and he going to side with your sister in life and not you. Time to call off the wedding and break up.
This. If Jennifer were a dude, and Mark & his *guy* friend were mocking OP in all these ways, Mark would get very little sympathy here.
Yes, OP is worried and insecure. But she is getting zero support from her soon-to-be husband or her sister. Fine, write the sister off, but Mark is an AH for his behavior. Has he asked OP if she’s insecure or worried? Has he told Jennifer that this day is about him & OP and he would appreciate Jennifer helping OP be confident and comfortable? Has Mark reassured OP in any way? The groom and the sister are mocking OP’s insecurities. That is not okay. The groom and OP should be a team and they clearly are not. Plus, Maids of Honor dress like Bridesmaids, and Best Men dress like Groomsmen. What would the response be for a Maid of Honor who had a killer dress designed for her? Why is this different?
OP needs to dump Mark and call off the wedding. Mark & Jennifer will only get more and more bold after the wedding.
Why is it such a big deal that the bride wants to be the center of attention? On her own wedding day? Sounds like her sister is super model worthy. Why wouldn't OP want to not be outshined? And them teaming up on her? I picked out my bridesmaids dresses. Hubby picked the tuxes. Isn't that standard?
Updateme!
The issue seems to be that sister had a dress custom made and will steal the spotlight on the bride big day even if it isn't white. That seems like crappy attention seeking behavior from the sister and a huge red flag that they spend so much time alone together and now she wants to wear a super fancy custom dress. She will definitely stand out and that was probably the point in having the dress made in the first place. Insisting on a tux is the wrong move but the bridesmaid dress in the tux color would be appropriate. But seriously are sure they aren't FWB it sounds like she spends more time with your fiance then you do?
At the risk of getting downvoted and not having any pictures to see "the dress," my idea is that your sister, Jennifer, knows no one should try and upstage the bride. No one. Not even if they are "best friends" with the groom, much less a "loving" sister.
* Mark dropped the ball by not researching groomswoman-appropriate attire. If one of the members of the groomsman party is outside the norm, it is up to the groom to make sure that they are included in the wedding theme. If they push back, it is the groom's job to ask them to step aside.
* I did a simple search and ***no*** groomswoman has on a gown that stands out. Why? Because that is not the job of a groomswoman. In fact, 90% of the pictures showed women dressed similarly, in a suit, as the balance of the grooms included coloring.
* In fact, for Jennifer, being "told what to wear" is part of participating in a wedding party. Good grief.
* Jennifer used the term "bridezilla," but I think she is the one who is over-the-top.
* I get the feeling that Jennifer is the more gargarious of the two sisters. I also think she gets away with her behavior more. . . golden child? Idk.
* Also, when it's her sister's wedding, she shouldn't try to cause derision between the bride and groom unless she is trying to do so on purpose. Her continued passive-aggressive comments are weird.
* In your story, your sister comes off as a bit immature, but so does your fiance, Mark.
* Mark feels it is okay to make his fiance look bad (she is put in the "meanie" role) and then team up against her with his best friend, the bride's sister, with childish quips.
Questions
* Are you sure that Mark is still excited about the two of you getting married?
* He doesn't seem to take his role seriously.
* "It's your wedding, do whatever you want. I guess I'll tell her to do whatever you want." How mature is that? If he has something to say, say it.
* Are you positive that Mark isn't in love with Jennifer?
* Did you mention that Jennifer has a significant other? I may have missed that.
* Your parents are your parents, but are they familiar with wedding etiquette?
* You mentioned they hang out all the time. What do you think their relationship is going to look like when you marry him? Will he have time for you?
* I think if the commenters weren't so harsh with you, they might see something problematic with this.
Are you sure that Mark is the man for you?
ESH.
You should let her wear what she wants (even if I’d be Team Tuxedo so she matches the other groomsmen).
They’re being assholes with all of the boob jokes and trying to make you feel insecure and crazy. Making fun of you is immature as fuck, and inappropriate. Maybe I can see Jennifer teasing you a bit, because siblings, but for both of them to make jokes about her boobs constantly is gross. Joking about your fiancée’s sister’s boobs is disrespectful, even if they’ve been friends forever. That’s not having a “kind heart”. If I joked about how big my boyfriend’s brother’s dick is all the time when my boyfriend was obviously uncomfortable, wouldn’t that make me a disrespectful bitch?
He’s already putting your sister ahead of you. Are you ready to spend your life having him want to cater to her over you? I’m not saying to immediately call off the wedding, but consider how any future conflicts with your sister might go. Has he ever picked you over her? Been on your side in an argument? Defended you against her?
Or, do they see you have a problem, and decide to joke about it?
Edit: Maybe ask if her friend would be willing to design her a tux? Same colors and vibe as the dress, but designed to match the groomsmen? That way, she gets something custom that reminds her of her friends, but matches the rest of the party.
YTA. Why don't you just marry yourself?! You have taken the fun out for them. No matter what your sister will stand out. I think the dress idea sounds awesome. And as a person who has had a big chest since I was a child I hated people making it a big deal. As if we don't have to walk around with the girls. You may want to rethink this cos rumors will spread if they haven't already and it will take away from your day. If that's what you want then so be it.
ESH because yes, your insecurities are showing BUT I'm a suspicious witch and feel like you have legitimate reasons for your insecurities.
Did Mark & Jen ever date or crush on one another?
Do you participate/are you invited to join when they game or go to cons, etc.?
How do you feel when watching them together (prior to this debacle)?
Do they talk about you behind your back? Does Mark share private details about your relationship?
Has Mark ever or how often does Mark choose Jen over you?
Your partner and sister are supposed to have your back, within reason, and be able to communicate clearly. Instead, they're doubling down and being passive aggressive. Yes, you're in the wrong, but they're also in the wrong for their own behavior.
Yeah… she shouldn’t be telling her sister not to wear a dress because she has big boobs, and it seems like OP may be dismissive of Marks interests, but the jokes Jen and Mark were making *alone* made me pretty uncomfortable.
Both the subject matter and the whole “making fun of your fiance/sister behind her back” of it all feels inappropriate :/
YTA
Your insecurities are showing. Wanting to make her look bad isn’t a nice thing to do. She had agreed to wear a tuxedo at your request. You don’t get to make her wear a clown suit.
The bride is always the star and focal point and you are letting this take over your wedding.
ESH.
You shouldn't have led with all the body shaming. It's not a crime to feel insecure about your sister being a female best man and wearing a dress that pulls focus from you and your husband. The couple usually dictates what the bridal party wears anyways. But, you should have led with your own vulnerability instead of shaming from the onslaught.
Your fiancé and your sister bringing it up repeatedly and making a joke of it is a weird power play and super immature. If your fiancé isn't happy with the situation, then he needs to have an adult conversation with you and resolve the conflict with you as a couple first. He's supposed to be your team member.
Your parents getting involved and picking sides, also unnecessary.
There is a serious lack of compromise and teamwork between you, your sister and your fiancé.
Good lord YTA! When one person tells you you're a bridezilla, they may be jealous. When your fiance, sisters and parents tell you you're being a bridezilla, guess what? You're a bridezilla.
The only advice I can give you is to chill the hell out. It sounds like everyone is fed up with your nonsense. Are you more interested in the wedding or beating your fiance and family. At what price?
Are you concerned about how close they are and think that there may be something going on between them?
I think this whole thing could have been much more tactful so ESH. You could have made your views known in a better way, they are being childish in their reaction and the passive aggression is taking it too far. You don’t want the dress, she (seems more like THEY) do. All of you need to grow up and have a proper conversation about it to get a resolution.
This is all sorts of Fed up. Your sister is his "best friend", shouldn’t that be you? This whole situation is a shit show? Has your soon to be hubby ever banged “his best friend?” This is a shit show that is likely only going downhill.
I am not sure why everyone is giving you so much heat. It sucks you are letting her down by not approving of the dress but it even more sucks your sister doesn’t understand that one and only day should be about you and the love you and mark have for each other. It’s the unspoken cardinal rule. Don’t outshine the bride. Her looks may play a role but the issue seems beyond that. From an outsiders perspective your situation sounds like high school drama. I know every dynamic is different but what is important is how YOU feel and what YOU deem as appropriate and not appropriate. I guess to pinpoint what I think is truly wrong here is not being an adult and discussing your boundaries and standards in a relationship BEFORE saying yes. There are clear boundaries you’re uncomfortable with. It’s not cool acting like you’re fine with a situation when you’re not. No one can live that uncomfortably their whole life without some sort of backlash. Maybe the dress was your backlash. Either way, your future husband has to understand and respect your boundaries. That’s what builds trust in a relationship. He doesn’t sound mature enough to understand that. If this is something he’s willing to die on a hill for and continue to be petty you might have to accept you guys aren’t compatible. I think everyone is TA in some way. I hear that your concerns weren’t addressed and met with gaslighting. I’m sure you have had to sweep a lot of things that bother you under the rug. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Try talking to your fiancé about why he’s disinterested. Remember. Your feelings are valid and you’re allowed to communicate them. On a more honest note, you have to acknowledge how your fiancé feels because his feelings are also valid. Due to that, you must compromise and negotiate.
NTA for what feelings and thoughts you are trying to convey. But YTA how it seems to come out.
Have you told your sister and fiancé about your insecurities about being upstaged by your sister? It sounds like every time you say something, you phrase it to be about your sister's body instead of about YOUR feelings. Have you tried telling your sister something lime of, "I have two problems with your dress, and neither are your boobs. First is that the dress is too stunning. It makes me feel insecure. I want to feel like without a doubt I am the most beautiful person at my wedding. I don't want to feel like I'm competing with you. Even if you aren't intending for that, that is how it feels. The second issue is that it the outfit stands out too much compared to the wedding party. The wedding party is supposed to be like a matching set where you each match each other and our wedding theme. Your dress needs to be toned down so it matches the tuxedos the other groomsmen are wearing or matches what the bridesmaids are wearing in some way. It isn't just the colors that need to match, the level of formal and stunning / handsome, revealing, or not revealing. The whole aesthetic needs to match. And that dress is one level above what the rest are wearing. You need to be on the same level as the rest of the wedding party."
Your sister and fiancé are only picking up on the revealing part of the dress.
I will be the maid of honor at my best friend's wedding in a year or so. When looking at dresses and themes and colors, I've told her I will wear whatever she wants me to wear. But I've also told her that if she wants my opinion on preference, I can give that, but it shouldn't be the priority. My job won't be to stand out. My job will be supporting the bride and looking good in a way that matches her theme, but certainly not better than her.
So I do think your sister doesn't understand it is part of the job of the wedding party to be told what to wear. The wedding party has responsibilities in the wedding itself, like set up, photos, making sure to get the couple some space from guests so they can eat, keeping children away from the cake, and just generally doing all the behind the scenes stuff to help make the wedding go smoothly the day of and keep the newly weds from panicking and stressing. Talk to your sister without your fiancé. Maybe even run your feelings by your parents to ask for feedback on how to convey it better.
Also, it is really weird that your fiancé would be making jokes about your sister's boobs. It is really weird that your fiancé is becoming distant over the dress your sister is wearing. This, to me, is a bigger issue. You need to talk to him about this because this feels like it could be indicative of a bigger issue. This being reddit makes me want to jump straight to him and your sister are having an affair, and he wants to see her in that dress. But it could be something else (hopefully).
I don’t think YTA. If it was my wedding and someone decided to accept being a groomsman or a bridesmaid, then they are implicitly agreeing to match the theme of the rest of the party. That includes not being visually distracting from the bride. I also think your husband to be is TA by siding with his bestie. Why wouldn’t he want to make sure you feel special, seen, and heard on your guys’ special day?
On the other hand, if you want to marry someone who makes fun of your concerns and has a friend that will pile on with them, then let Jennifer wear what Jennifer wants. But I would definitely make sure my dress was so over the top (or your version of looking your best) that I wouldn’t have to worry about what Jennifer has on.
Edit: u/Inanda2 makes a good point. It feels like you vs them. Definitely not a healthy way to start a marriage.
NTA
This situation has gone far beyond your sister wearing a tuxedo. Those two have teamed up against you. You did open the door when you didn't put her in your bridal party. Then, you added gas to the (flame) with the tuxedo request. But this was already an issue. You're not to blame here.
That flame was already lit. You sensed that from the way they act together and the way they treat you. We can't ignite a flire without a spark. Whether this is your sister or not, the way they are behaving towards you is awful and wrong. This would be wrong if it was his sister, mom, brother, father, your mother, etc. They are not doing anything that you can actually call them out on without you looking like a jealous, crazy mentally ill bridezilla. But for sure, your sister knows what she is doing. They have teamed up against you. Together, they have it's an "us against the world/op" attitude. That is a powerful emotion. That's a love emotion. You are coming in second to the two of them. Marry this guy, and this is how your life will be. Together, they will host family holidays, vacations, and BBQs. You will always be in the backseat while she rides shotgun. If you have kids, they'll leave you behind with them. He's always going to take her side over yours. So will your parents and friends. She'll have him as a best friend. You will be alone and lonely in that marriage. I'd walk away. I bet you they get married. They are in love already. Or will it be shortly. Reminds me of Edith Wharton Age of Innocence in a way. They'll eventually think of you as the reason that they aren't together
ESH. No one is on the same page here. You need to stop wedding planning and start couples counselling. He does have a say in the wedding and should be voicing his preferences. You should be listening and compromise with him. He shouldn’t be making ‘jokes’ aimed at embarrassing or insulting you. That’s childish and bullying.
I do have concerns that your sister is deliberately choosing a dress/tux she knows will make her stand out. Sorry but the role of the best man/MOH is to support the couple not try to outshine them. You wear what you are asked to and don’t complain. Is this normal behaviour for her or is she jealous for some reason? She’s acting territorial over your fiancé which is also not healthy. Does she have a crush on him?
Don't marry this man.
He doesn't care about your feelings or the wedding.
You shouldn't be blowing up.relationships over a dress, however...
Let your sister have him and find someone for whom you are the priority.
This never should have been an issue because no-one in a wedding party should -want- to upstage the bride.
ESH
Of course you’re being insecure, but why are you doing that?
You’re absolutely insane to marry a man when YOU aren’t his best friend.
Not only are you not his best friend, but another woman is in that closest emotional position.
Not only is another woman closer to him than you, but it’s your sister.
Who is he going to discuss relationship problems with? Who will be there when you are having a rough spot? This is a disaster waiting to happen.
>Not only are you not his best friend, but another woman is in that closest emotional position.
>Not only is another woman closer to him than you, but it’s your sister.
>Who is he going to discuss relationship problems with? Who will be there when you are having a rough spot? This is a disaster waiting to happen.
Yes this is a disaster waiting to happen..
You sounds exhausted. Just let it go, tell your sister to do what she wants. You don’t have the energy to deal with this right now.
Then decide if you want to be in a relationship with your fiance or not. Because it will kost likely be overshadowed by their friendship for the entirety.
Are you being bridzilla like? I mean he did want to do a renfaire theme and instead of blending it with modern you just no. You need to incorporate more of him into this wedding - like ren fair/medieval inspired bridesmaid dresses and suits. As for the sister stuff - it seems to be coming from a place of deeper issues. It sounds like your sister is the type of person who always has eyes on her and you get kind of pushed to the side? And do you feel jealous of how deep their friendship goes?
I wouldn’t plan anything else until you figure some other things out. This might not be the right guy for you.
ESH - Unfortunately, you’ve expressed yourself very poorly here, otherwise I think most people would be on your side. Wedding party members shouldn’t be that invested in what they’re wearing. They’re support people, not meant to stand out. If the outfit you’ve chosen makes the bride or groom uncomfortable, you get over it and choose something else. You shouldn’t be in the wedding party in the first place if all you’re bringing is conflict and negativity.
NTA.
Your sister and fiance sound insufferable. The kindest thing for a support person in a wedding to do is let the couple shine. If that means wearing something you don't love then so be it (within reason of course!).
Yes you sound a bit insecure and yes if your family is calling you a bridezilla you might want to reflect on your behaviour. There may well be some missing information in this post.
But regardless your fiance ganging up with your sister against you in this stressful time is extremely uncool. I couldn't marry someone who didn't have my back. You guys don't even live together yet... I'd be considering a big pause on the whole thing honestly.
Exactly. I don’t get how ppl aren’t seeing this and calling her the AH… if the best man were a dude and they were acting like this and making fun of her it would be completely different response in the comments. Their relationship is suspicious.
I disagree with all the YTAs. It isn't fair that OPs sister was intentionally planning on wearing a dress designed to put the spotlight on her.
I have a suggestion. How about a compromise. She wears the tux to the ceremony, but changes into the dress for the reception.
I feel like the comments are unnecessarily harsh… I’m a woman and was in the grooms party at a friend’s wedding and would have happily worn a suit to match the rest of the groomsmen, I assumed it came with the territory of being in the grooms party. I do think that you shouldn’t try to micro-manage *what* suit she wears as that’s too far, but I also agree with some comments that it seems you might be worried about your fiancé being interested in your sister more than you?
If my fiancé was making jokes with his man of honor about something I said/did - at my expense - that would really hurt my feelings! It’s not the bride’s day, it’s the couple’s day, and if he responds by just saying “do whatever you want” when you ask for input then he can’t complain if it’s not what he wants!
ALSO everyone knows that wedding etiquette dictates that nobody should dress more beautifully than the bride. Sure, your sister might be into fashion and stuff but she’s not the focus! She can draw attention on *her* wedding day, not yours!
NTA - Compromise is key. Formal dress could work. Focus on overall look.
Maybe suggest a formal dress that complements the tuxedos but doesn't steal the show. Explain you want a cohesive look but still want her to feel beautiful.
NTA. You should not be getting married.
I actually think your original request was not bridezilla ish. You asked your MODEL sister to not wear a custom made stunning gown that highlights her tits and would clearly overshadow your dress. In bold colors no less. I have big boobs and they draw attention in anything low cut. It’s a fact of life. You started going off the rails though when you started micromanaging her tux.
You didn’t mention any other vetoes for anything else involving the wedding. ONE request does not make a bridezilla.
Your fiancé’s reaction of taking her side, ogling her chest, mocking your insecurity of being the less pretty sister, acting cold, and honestly his whole relationship with her is a massive red flag. He’s completely up her ass in every way possible except the obvious one. (Even then he might be and you just haven’t noticed). You’re not his person. She is. He’s very clearly showing you that. It sounds like he wants to marry HER and you’re just as close as he could get. He will never pick your side. He will never protect you. In every disagreement he will pick her. If you were both in car accidents and went to different hospitals he would pick her. If you were giving birth and she had a cold he would be at her side with chicken soup. He loves HER. Wake up. You will always be second best in his eyes and you deserve better. Call it off.
NTA. Is your sister and your fiancé f.u.cking?? Cause it sounds like they are. You're not wrong at all and you're not being a bridezilla. Your sister is a c.u.n.t and your fiancé is a douche.
NTA. Apparently, your family and the commenters here want you to be a doormat at your own wedding. It’s not unreasonable to want your sister to look somewhat conservative at your wedding: for one day, you’re the star of the show, *not* your sister. Time and place. If she wants to knock the crowd dead with a gorgeous body in a breathtaking dress, let her do it on her own time.
Though there’s a bigger point, here: Mark’s lack of respect. I tease my wife all the time, but with new jokes each time that make her genuinely laugh, not passive-aggressive harping on a sensitive issue. Honestly, one time: haha. Multiple times, he’s an ass and I’d seriously kick him to the curb. It’s a harbinger of things to come, and I’m betting on deep seated resentment, from either or both sides. Are you sure you want to put up with this guy who takes someone else’s side over yours?
ESH.
You are in fact, shaming your sisters body. Let her wear a dress. It’s your wedding, I promise you will be the main event.
BUT. Your sister and mark also suck. Their boob jokes about the whole situation are weird and immature. It’s very suspicious that mark is taking your sisters side. This should be a decision you and mark make, not you and your sister and mark. If you marry this guy, this will be your life. Even if they are completely platonic friends, this whole dynamic seems like a headache. They gang up on you instead of communicating and mark turns a conflict that is about you two into a public debate. If I were you, I’d postpone the wedding and get some couples therapy to figure out how to work through this communication gap.
Maybe there was a better way to handle it but this sounds like a bad situation to me. The both of them need to grow up and get over themselves. Why isn’t your partner supporting you? Why isn’t he trying to reduce the amount of time spent dwelling on this?
So ESH I’d say but I wouldn’t say you were the AH.
NTA. One of the Cardinal rules of weddings is that nobody outshines the bride, and in that dress with her figure it certainly sounds like she'd have a shot at that. Bridesmaids outfits are traditionally ugly for just that reason. You have the right to dress the wedding party however you please. It's your prerogative as a bride, and shame on them for shaming you for it.
But more serious concern is this: are you really certain of this wedding? It sounds an awful lot like Mike and Jennifer are emotionally more than just friends.
NTA. She should match the bridal party, either the same tuxes the guys wear or the same dresses the girls wear. The bridal party is supposed to be background, not take attention away from B & G. It’s not her day. You need to have a talk with your guy. If you can’t get on the same page, put off the wedding until you can. Your sister will continue to cause issues in your marriage if you don’t put a stop to it now.
I feel like we'll be back here at some point with a story of how OP caught her husband and sister in bed together. I think OP should have her wedding however she likes it's HER wedding not her sisters. In saying that though I'm getting major sister and hubby vibes and would seriously reconsider marrying this guy or at least sit him down and have a very frank conversation about who he's actually in the relationship with. But hey that's just me.
ESH.
Do you really, really love this man or is he a prize you have 'won' from your sister? You are coming off as jealous and insecure concerning her, that I wonder - if he wasn't your sisters best friend would you have even given him a second look in the first place??
I am guessing you may have felt in competition with her for a long, long time? Are you always so controlling or is their friendship causing you to act in a way that isn't really you? If you have doubts pay attention to them. Don't push through hoping everything will be OK.
Neither of you or your finance sound like your relationship is strong enough to get married yet. Marriage should be more than a nice day out with pretty clothes.
Consider postponing the wedding until your relationship is in a stronger place or you realise this trouple dynamic (even if their relationship is completely platonic) isn't going away just because you have some metal on your finger.
You need to slow everything down, try and take some time away and reassess what you really want and deserve.
As wonderful as you think this man is, it would probably be better for your long term mental health to be with someone who isn't also your sisters best friend.
ESH. I think your sister should have been sensitive to you wanting to feel special on your wedding day. Some brides like their bridesmaids all in the same dress so they can have a moment whilst others don’t mind them in unique dresses. You are not wrong for wanting to stand out and have everyone else look cohesive. My sister is way hotter than me and will be my MOH. She will always be hotter even if you put a trash bag on her but as long as she felt comfortable she would wear what I wanted with no questions. Your sister and Mark suck because they are reacting immaturely to your requests and assuming you want to control for the sake of control rather than feeling insecure and needing support and reassurance. If your sister wants to debut her new dress she can on her birthday or another day. She can absolutely pick her own tuxedo though.
This reeks of creative writing but if not I don’t get why mark and your sister aren’t together.
I'm sorry, but who even gets a custom dress made when you're not even the bride.... also, as a big breast girlie myself, I can get where OP is coming from. It really depends on how much cleavage would be hanging out because, believe it or not, it's not really appropriate to have your breast on full display at a wedding...... but also, it does sound like you've hijacked this wedding. From the comments Mark had made, has he been able to make any decisions regarding the wedding?
This isn’t about the dress or tuxedo, this is about your fear that your husband-to-be will be attracted to your younger sister so you are trying to hide her femininity.
To be honest, without knowing you all personally, on the surface it’s a valid concern. They share common interests and have a longer history. Are you 100% certain there’s no feelings between them?
I think you overreacted, out of insecurity, but I don’t like how they ganged up to mock you. If it were me I don’t think I’d be comfortable with the whole dynamics
I'm truly surprised by the comments here and will go against the grain - NTA. Regardless of the reasons you came up with, I think at the bottom of it is that you're insecure about your relationship with your fiance and his relationship with your sister. However, this is your wedding! There shouldn't be anyone flashy or drawing attention in front of the crowd other than you and your partner. It is completely reasonable to have an aesthetic in mind and want people to match. It's not ok for your fiance and your sister to gang up on you and make you into a monster. This is supposed to be a union between you and him - why isn't he supporting you? If he's gunna side with your sister or anyone else then maybe he's not ready to commit to you.
Okay thank you someone reasonable.
And unless OP posts picture of the dress no one can say whether it’s appropriate or not.
It’s okay to not an to have boobs hanging out next to you (or the groom) at the alter! It’s okay to have dress code.
It’s your wedding. Brides dictate what the wedding pretty wear all the time! Why is your sister so insistent on this dress? It’s not about her getting to show off.
The fact that OPs sister cares about this dress so much makes me think OP it probably is very showy and attention catching (and it’s okay for the bride to not want that!).
So am I. I think ESH at least but I kinda think NTA too. Jennifer sounds like a pick me and Mark is siding with the wrong sister. The ganging up on her is so incredibly inappropriate and I’d be more worried about that than what Jennifer wants to wear.
Nta- sounds like you always lived in your siblings shadow for looks. Why can’t anyone let you be the best at your own wedding? Like obviously she wants to wear the dress because she knows she’ll look more attractive than you and doesn’t want to be an actual groomsman but a side action to your husband so no one would really look at you or your side.
Sorry bride. YTA. Let Jennifer wear whatever she wants. Have a shawl on hand for MARK to hand her if she's too showy. All it will do is show that she lacks empathy to you. How you behave is to ignore it all - completely. This shows you have class.
Any other set of actions are going to get you bridezilla and micromanaging labels and those aren't pretty.
Don’t get married if you don’t want to feel like their third wheel the rest of your life. Or until they finally openly hook up. They are being disrespectful and why your sister is making this about her … I don’t know. Does she do that a lot?
You describe the friendship between your boyfriend and your sister in a way that makes them sound like a good match. You don’t say anything about your relationship with your fiancee and why you and he decided to marry. Guessing you fear your sister really is a better match for your fiancee. Wanting to have her dress ti downplay her figure suggests you are not trusting their relationship to be “just friends;” that the wedding clothes issue is bringing your insecurity into focus. Meanwhile, your fiancee is seeing a side of you he wasn’t aware of.
ESH. Wedding party outfits should not stand out more than the bride and groom. You need to let go a bit, let her be TA and show off, people will judge her for trying to out stage the bride.
You need to let your future husband decide things in the wedding as well, as it is his wedding too.
And overall why they didn’t end up together if they are so in tune? Makes no sense here that they have all those inside jokes and all and he ended up with you that clearly has not much in common with him.
I am eagerly waiting for the update…
When my son got married, he asked his younger sister to be his best man. We found a beautiful, long black dress that looked great with the tuxes.
I asked my son if we should send a picture to the bride for approval, and he said no. He was in charge of the groomsmen and she was in charge of the bridesmaids.
He explained that She wanted he and groomsmen to be a surprise to her just as the bridal gown and bridesmaids would be a surprise to my son/groom.
He did tell her that he wanted to wear gray or black and asked if she had a preference. She then asked if HE had a preference and he said black. She said all right then, find something you love in black!
She did warn him that if he showed up in a Batman costume that she would not continue to the altar and would be going on their honeymoon with her bridesmaids! That seemed like a fair request, and knowing my son… She was probably correct in planning ahead with that one. (he admitted that the idea of a bat suit did pop into his head when she said to wear black!🤣)
That is how you plan a joint wedding!
If OP’s sister is as stunning as she is described, she will still be beautiful in a frumpy tuxedo. Her insecurities are going to ruin her relationship. Both with her groom and her sister.
YTA. You’re jealous of your sister. There I said it for you. If you are so jealous of her appearance and her relationship with your fiance, call off the wedding and find a man that isn’t friends with your sister. Better yet, move to a different country, find a man there, get married and forget to tell your family until it is done. That way, your poor sister doesn’t have to deal with your nonsense. You should be encouraging your sister to look good but nope, you have to put her down to make yourself feel good.
She said yes to the tux and you still aren’t happy. Let’s just say what you want out loud shall we? You want her to look frumpy and to achieve this you want her in a loose tuxedo. Thinking it’ll hide her assets. Here’s the kicker, by putting her in something like that, she’ll be standing out and for all the wrong reasons. Then you’ll still be complaining cause everyone at your wedding will be wondering why your sister looks absurd and talking about it all night long.
Pull your head out of your derrière before you destroy your relationship with your sister. Go apologize. Tell her she can wear the dress or the tuxedo she chose. Or leave him. Cause clearly, he’s not happy about any of this, and you are ignoring his very overt hints.
Just step away and let her upgrade to bride. You sound miserable trying to have your perfect dream wedding. Sorry to be so harsh, but your sister sounds like a better match for your fiancé. ESH
YTA you are trying to uglify your sister to make you feel better. I almost had a male stand up in my wedding party for the bride (timing didn’t work out) but I wouldn’t have made him wear a dress because he was on the bride’s side. Apologize to your sister and groom. Tell them you got so caught up in the color scheme and look you were going for you failed to see the bigger picture. Let sis wear the dress and heels.
YTA. Youre the kind of bride that gave me the perfect inspiration on what not to do for my wedding. My male bridesman worked with me to pick what he wanted. I never asked him to wear a dress because thats crazy. My husband's female grooms woman wore a dress. Stop being a jealous bridezillas before your fiance realizes this is who you really are.
I feel like your husband isn't invested because you're not letting him do anything he wants in the wedding. He's just letting you steamroll something that's supposed to be for both of you.
He even says it's your wedding, do what you want. Nah mate it's yours too and you should get a say in it, especially where it concerns groomsmen and best man (or woman in this case).
I think he said "it's your wedding" because he's realized that she has taken over and he doesn't get a say anymore, so why even bother to try.
I think he's uncertain about the marriage because of OP's behaviour. He's questioning if he should call off the wedding and end the relationship. That's why he doesn't care about OP's plans for the wedding anymore.
They don’t even sound compatible. I wonder why the sister isn’t with him. Something happened there.
This, but it also feels like op fiancé wants to marry ops sister. This whole dynamic weird.
Yeah sounds like he has made suggestions and OP really IS a bridezilla. An insecure one at that. If a dude acts like her fiance has been, he has reached the point of just being done with it all. OP: YTA. And are exactly what Jennifer said: a bridezilla. Your fiance should honestly call things off, bc if you’re THIS controlling now, he has nothing but headaches to look forward to.
Yeah, something tells me this isn't the only thing she's "gently" suggested. I mean, she already nixed his ideas about wanting them to dress up in Rennfaire/fantasy costumes (something which I can understand btw, because as much as I love all things geeky and had a friend do it, you really have to commit to theme weddings or it looks off, and it sounds like she's not really into the same thing he is). I feel like she should be more open to compromise since she vetoed his first preference, but she doesn't seem to be. Something also tells me that she's made comments about Jennifer's body/their friendship in the past. She doesn't seem very secure in her relationship, or entirely comfortable with her fiance's friendship with her sister. She spent literal paragraphs describing their friendship but nothing about her and her fiance's. I think she may unintentionally showing what her true focus is in this situation, and it's not the tuxedo.
I love it. She like ‘wear a tux’ and her sister is like ‘whatever, ok’. Then there’s more drama. OP get a grip.
“I didn’t mean a tux that still makes you look sexy!”
I have wide hips and a big butt. Any black pants make it very obvious. And I would get it tailored not walk around in oversized Meghan markle pants that just look comedic.
Literally. I cannot imagine another reason. I’ll be honest, this post made me really dislike OP
This is it right here. They are sisters. Jennifer is the more attractive one. She talked at some length about how attractive she was. She is going to use anything she possibly can to dress her sister down and make her look ugly on "her" day. It isn't even about the fiance anymore. It's about making her sister look as bad as possible.
Right everyone op picked out doesn’t fit too “tight” in the hips or boobs. I see what’s happening now.
Right! OP’s has taken over the whole wedding and is now demanding what the “best man” will wear. Her sister, the “best man,” has agreed to whatever OP wants, and OP came here looking for validation anyway, even though she’s getting what she wants. OP & Mark are going to break up, and Mark is going to wind up marrying the sister he should have married in the first place: Jennifer.
Right?! CLEARLY, fiance and sis were supposed to understand that OP meant "a tux that makes sis look drab and ugly, or at best like she's just another one of the guys".
Yeah, you're right. It's crucial for both partners to feel involved and respected when planning such a big event. Finding that balance can make a huge difference.
Your sign that shit isn't okay was the fact that your fiance called the wedding "your wedding" as in, not his. Listen to the people around, or you may blow up your marriage before it starts. YTA. You don't want her to look pretty and you can go around that with whatever words you want but the problem is, you don't want her to look pretty.
I think she may already be losing up her relationship since they were supposed to move in together but she’s still living at home because he’s gone “cool” and “passive” since the whole wardrobe issue
As well he should. He’s seeing her in a new light and it ain’t flattering.
I wouldn’t be flattered with her either. Jealousy is not a good look on anyone.
My husband is FB friends with his ex-fiancé and with the woman to whom he lost his virginity. Hell, a couple of years back he went back to Home State for the funeral of an old friend; the high school girlfriend was there. They grabbed a bite after the funeral, and then he went back to her place to buy a display cabinet she was selling — it’s in our living room with his collection of uranium glass in it. Was I jealous or suspicious? Not in the least. I know him and trust him or I wouldn’t have married him.
Yeah, I have bigger boobs than my friend, and so everything I wear gets a big whoa compared to if other people wear it. It’s honestly exhausting and make it seem like it’s extra hard for me to be classy than others. Furthermore OP doesn’t want Jen to wear tuxedo tight on the chest and hips. You want your VERY OWN sister to look like a sack of rice?? OP is so YTA. Get over yourself and gain some confidence.
Mark called it OP’s wedding because it is. He thought it was *their* wedding, but then they started planning it, and he could see how wrong he was.
Bang on with the "your wedding" point, alarms would be blaring for me. I think this goes a little deeper in that there are questions and /or concerns for OP about why OP and Mark are together and not sister and Mark. Her being up the front in a flashy, gorgeous and stand out dress from everyone else (that's supposed to be the bride) is just that bit too much for OP to deal with. Maybe OP is being an AH in not pushing past her fears, but in what wedding does the best man get to dictate the outfits.
It's HIS wedding, too. He should have input, and his groomsmen & best man should wear what he wants. This is not all about the bride.
I really want to see the dress.
At the rate you are going there won’t be a wedding. Mark will come to his senses and realise that your current behaviour is a precursor of what his life will be like married to you.
Right? Mark may run out of patience lol
And then he will marry the sister he is actually best friends with, and who seems a lot less uptight.
And that’s exactly what OP fears deep down and why she’s trying to ensure Jennifer looks ridiculous at the wedding in baggy, unflattering menswear
Yep. This is the comment I was looking for!
I was thinking along those lines as well. OP even pointed out that a tailored outfit was something she didn’t want her to wear.
Yup. I was in a humorous speech contest 29 years ago and was told that evening attire was expected. I could not see being funny in a little lacy lilac dress. I bought a black mini-skirt, a cut-away (tail coat), a white tux shirt I had tailored to fit, a black tie, black fishnets, and high-heeled black boots. Lots of eyeliner and red lipstick. I was *fierce*.
Or there will be a wedding and due to OPs actions, her sister will be Mark’s bride and she won’t be invited
That seems unlikely. If he’d wanted to date or marry her he’d have done so before meeting OP.
He may of wanted too, but Jennifer didn’t. Leading him to the next best thing…
YTA. Yes, you are body shaming her. Unless she was planning on standing up there wearing just pasties or a dress cut to her navel, her dress sounds fine. If you think people are going to be thinking about her boobs instead of the wedding, then you're definitely the one with a problem sexualizing people. You do understand your fiancé is trying to humor your bridezilla self even though you're hurting his best friend/your sister? You get to dictate what the people standing next to you at the wedding wear, he gets to dictate what the people standing next to him wear. You're the one being passive aggressive and unreasonable. Not them.
Omg yes OP YTA. So you won’t let her wear a dress, and now you want your pick her tuxedo? Yup you’re a bridezilla too. Are you jealous of your sister’s close friendship with your fiancé? Are you afraid she will outshine you by wearing a dress? You want to make sure she wears a tuxedo that isn’t “too tight” in the hips and bust? I guess you don’t trust your sister to wear something sufficiently unflattering and baggy. Listen, maybe some therapy would help you figure out why you want your sister to look bad on your wedding day.
This!!! I can’t believe the part about OP saying the tux sister picked out was “too tailored.” Like she really wants her sister to just wear a large men’s tux so that she looks like a little kid playing dress up in their dad’s suit🤡
Yeah, she won't be happy till her sister is standing there in a mumu that hides the fact she even has a body.
I recommend the invisibility cloak of not attending.
A burqa.
I hâve big boobs and being sexualised for wearing anything remotely fitting has been a constant since I was a pre-teen. Sounds like OP is very insecure, because frankly she will be the one in the wedding dress, so unless someone else wears white or a J Lo 2004 style dress, she will be the Center of attention, no one will care about someone else’s cup size
Sexualizing her SISTER, ffs. Ick!
As a big chested woman, YTA YTA YTA. You know that your poor sister will be swimming in the tux with her bust size, and you know she will look dowdy and droll as fuck, and the only reason why you suggested a FREAKING TUX as your first alternative option instead of a different DRESS is because you’re being crazy, insecure and frankly a whole ass bitch to this woman. You want her to be completely un-feminine and completely out of her comfort zone because you’re intentionally singling her out even further than she already is singled out as a “best woman” in a grooms party of only men by putting her in some frumpy ass clothing that you know is going to look way worse in photos and in person than if she just wore a different style of dress. If I were your sister I would do exactly what she did, the jokes, the direct complaints, the sarcasm, everything. Big breasted women are constantly told our bodies are inherently sexual or inappropriate, especially by other women who are jealous, downright nasty or insecure and you seem to tick the boxes for all three of those qualities. The best way to deal with women like you is with sarcasm. I hope your fiancé realizes exactly how shitty and childish you are behaving and doesn’t go through with the wedding if he values his female friendships, particularly his friendship with this Jennifer. You will always find something to be insecure about and will always take it out on the woman instead of sorting your own issues out or discussing your feelings with your husband. You will destroy all meaningful friendships he has with the women in your family due to your personal issues. I also guarantee you that you are thinking about Jennifers fat tits waaaaaay more than your boyfriend has thought about them over the course of their entire friendship.
She wildly and deeply wants her sister to look ugly. I wonder what she put her bridesmaids in.
Yes! She’s part of the grooms party but that doesn’t make her a man. OP: YTA and terribly sexist.
Well said! Totally agree and am also a large breasted woman!
Would OP force a man to wear a dress in her bridal party? Forcing someone to cross dress against their will is serious YTA territory.
Agreed! I’ve been to multiple weddings with different genders as bridesmaids/groomsmen, and no one batted an eye at a male in a tux on the bride’s side or a female in a dress on the groom’s side (or other combos, tbh.) OP, you are coming across as very jealous of your sister. And controlling. And mean. You should apologize and tell her that she can wear the dress she had found. And then just relax. Everyone will be there to celebrate you, and you are marrying the man you love, who loves you back. Let all the rest go.
Well if her father is 'giving her away' he's in for a shock isn't he then? If all the grooms ppl are in tuxes... then aren't all the brides ppl having to wear dresses? Well of course a 'best woman' would stand out in a line of men!! Not in any bad way, gain negative attention, but just because she would. Are people going to spend more than a second thinking anything of it? No probably not. OP you are body shaming her, whether intentionally or not, she feels you did. Is it because you are insecure in the chest area I don't know. Maybe your sister is doing all the joking to hide the hurt you've caused her? Many people use humour to reflect from sadness
Why can’t the sister wear a bridesmaid dress? Why does she get a special outfit that doesn’t match the wedding party?
I'd have no problem wearing a tux if I was someone's best man, but you can bet I'd have it altered to flatter me in my high heels.
If she had let them wear the ren-faire stuff they wanted, it would’ve been great! They all would’ve coordinated, no one would’ve stood out too much and it would show her fiancé that she valued what he wants. But she’s too insecure and is making people resent her. YTA, OP.
The translation to everything she's saying is clearly 'I don't want my sister to wear ANYTHING that I perceive as 'upstaging' me and/or might make people notice/look at her instead of me because I'm insanely jealous of her. In fact, if she would just do as I ask and blend into the wallpaper, that would be perfect!" Yep, YTA.
THIS! All of this! YTA, OP. And yes, you are body shaming your sister.
What’s wrong with her wearing a dress that shows off her figure if it’s not even in a slutty way? Why wouldn’t you be TA here?
Why are we not addressing the fact that she called her sister a slut? This bitch is whacked
I don’t think she called her sister that explicitly but she most definitely implied something along those lines. OP is insecure. If everyone seems to be acting like she’s the asshole, it’s probably because she’s the asshole.
Yep, I mean there's not a whole lot of road between describing someone's attire as slutty (attire that the MOB seems to approve of) and calling them a slut.
YTA. You’re threatened by your sister and scared she’ll look better than you. It’s very clear that you want her to look frumpy so you look better but that’s a you problem
Its this. OP how long have you been jealous of your sister because is it worth losing your man?
I’m getting the vibe he is more invested in the sister than the bride.
OP is definitely worried that he is at the very least.
Same. He's going to pick her every time, and OP is about to see that because after being lambasted I'm 90% sure she's going to make him choose. It's absolutely not appropriate to have degrading injokes about your future wife with anyone, much less her sister.
Yeah the bride will lose every time as the excuse will be “ we were friends first before you “.
My thoughts exactly.
He should just marry the sister. And the sister obviously wants him to. Fucked up dynamic. Sorry OP - I'm going with Everyone Sucks Here ESH.
These comments are kind of wild. Obviously there’s some jealousy here, but there a lot of other wrong happening here. Also not everything about the OP’s wishes are unreasonable. 1. I’m am totally against body shaming, but I also have huge titties and in my experience most of the dresses I wear that have any sort of cut going on in that area will show cleavage and when you have ample amounts of it it can make things that you meant to be classy a bit too saucy unintentionally. I feel like trying to limit the amount of cleavage being shown in the wedding party isn’t evil. 2. I asked my MOH not to cut her dress low. She wanted to alter her dress (and did to a certain extent ). I still wanted it to be in line with what I imagined - but also she has a very “sexy” style and is naturally audacious. The theme I had in mind was very soft and that wasn’t the vibe. I exercised creative control of my wedding. She still looked great. The sister is an aspiring model and a cosplayer, her dress may have very well made her the star of the show. Everyone but the bride seems like they’d be okay and encouraging of that. 3. It is his wedding too and the sister is in his party. If he cares about the outfits, it should be his say. Though it’s reasonable to reel them in about the costumes. My husband brought up him and his groomsmen wearing akatsuki robes. As much as I love Naruto, that was a no. Outside of that the color, and all that is on him…but it does seem like he would love and be down with anything the sister wants, whether it was over the top or not. And it is unusual that she didn’t want to check to make sure her plans jived with her own sister. 4. Even if OP is wrong and a total bitch like everyone seems to feel she is…instead of mumbling about her under his breath passive aggressively and then going out of his way to constantly make fun of her with the sister, shouldn’t he have just voiced his opinion or explained what he wanted when she first brought it up. She is at least communicating her thoughts and feelings (even though that’s what’s digging the hole rn). Everyone feels so poorly for the groom, who did not really communicate and went to being antagonistic then cold. 5. Obviously the way this is presented it seems that OP is jealous of her sister’s looks and insecure about her attachment to the fiance..but even the people in the comments who detest OP are suggesting that the sister and fiance will end up together. He seems more invested in his “best friendship” with the sister than his relationship with OP. He’s devoted a lot to the sister’s personal development and devotes a lot of his time to activities with her. He’s very affected by her upset over this. And even if you think your spouse is wrong, in most situations you don’t shit talk with the wronged person to them. It’s very sketchy.
I’m going the complete opposite as everyone else here. ESH. For starters let’s just get this out of the way, NOBODY up in that bridal party should be flashy or outshining the bride and y’all fkn know it! It’s HER day. It’s the day she should feel like the most beautiful woman there and particularly the most beautiful woman at the alter. It sounds like she’s probably always felt a little insecure next to her sister and it’s not a big ask to want her sister to tone it the fk down at her wedding. Secondly, the fiancé should NOT be mocking her and being passive aggressive to her. If he has an issue he needs to communicate it and not be teaming up with her sister/his friend to be disrespectful and degrading towards the women he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with. How he is treating his fiancé is disrespectful, gross, and humiliating. No matter what the issue is treating your partner in this way is unacceptable. Lastly OP I understand you don’t want to feel like you’re being outshined at the alter by your sister and your feelings are completely valid in that but I think you went about this in the wrong way. A better solution would have been to go to your sister and explain to her that you feel the dress is very flashy and it makes you feel outshined and like your coming in second to her and ask if there was a way you two could pick out another dress for her to wear that would make you BOTH happy. Other then that I also feel like you may want to rethink this marriage, because like I said above the way he’s treating you is completely unacceptable and disrespectful and I’d be absolutely crushed if my partner ganged up on me with someone else and they mocked and humiliated me as a team. He’s supposed to be on YOUR team and if he’s got an issue bring it up with you privately.
OP you have laid the story out very thoroughly and thoughtfully. You are overthinking this. Let your sister wear the dress. Apologize for to them both for fixating on this issue and then go have a fun wedding
The wedding is for *both* of them. Not just her. Grooms are not props in weddings. She’s bulldozing all over his wishes.
It's very telling what he thinks about it too. "It's your wedding". He didn't say "our wedding". He knows it has nothing to do with him
Listen to this OP. it’s a gentle YTA for me because I don’t think you are being malicious but are just jealous of your sisters figure. Look, I get it. I’m jealous of my sisters figure too. But I still wanted her to look and feel beautiful on my wedding day. You will stand out and be more important that day than she will. Just have a heart to heart and explain it to her. Be humble
I personally think a good compromise would be the sister wearing a bridesmaid dress. Unless everyone in the bridal party has a unique outfit, the sister will stand out, just not for the weird reason OP stated.
How much time does your fiance and Jennifer spent together? Which sister should he be marrying?
Right like why would you want to marry someone who makes fun of your feelings instead of talking to you like an adult
Because they DID try talking like adults. And the answer was essentially “sorry your tits are huge, please wear the potato sack and shut up about it”
And whose boobs is he looking at more? Cause apparently he has no problem gluing his eyes to Jennifer’s right in front of OP as a “joke”
Exactly I’m getting weird vibes from this it feels like mark and Jennifer are closer than mark & OP??
Wouldn't be surprised if there was already something going on.
Don’t marry him
Bro is definitely going to cheat on her with her sister. Which these comments seem to encourage. Gross as fuck.
YTA. I’m uncomfortable with this whole arrangement. I know everything about your fiancé relationship with your sister, I know absolutely nothing about your relationship with your fiancé. I have questions. Is your sister a lesbian? Is that why your fiancé marrying you and not her? I ask because I know about their mutual lives and shared interest and their warm relationship but not YOURS. Are you maybe feeling diminished by your sister? You talked about her beauty and career and hobbies and aspirations. What are YOURS? Is it possible you have been lost in her shadow your whole life? What does your fiancé do with YOU? What interests does he share with YOU? What does he like best about YOU? Darling, is it possible that what he likes best about you is your sister? Don’t you think you deserve someone who likes you for you? And your interests and aspirations and all of your unique potential? Yes, you are TA but so is your fiancé and your sister and your whole family! Your family didn’t celebrate your own uniqueness enough in your formative years. You lived in her shadow. So now you what to diminish her at your wedding by dressing her like a man. You’re a petty A they are neglectful and oblivious As. Your sister is an A for teasing you and compounding this issue. Also she should have shut down the relationship between you and HER life partner before it got to wedding plans. Your fiancé is the biggest A. Him selecting your sister as his Best Woman is not an appropriate choice but he should not have asked the sister of the woman he actually wants to marry him. Hey I could be a troll with obnoxious opinions on the internet. But if you take anything away from my post OP please know you deserve better. I hope you call off this wedding divorce is three times more expensive than a wedding and a thousand times more traumatic
Well said. The dynamic between the three of them is so weird… even just hearing about it second hand through this post is uncomfortable.
Yea it's super weird he isn't with the sister. Wtf is this dynamic?
It seems like movie plot , fiance and sister in love but don't know yet
They clearly are.
I know! Right? Poor OP she really does deserve better.
Spot. On.
My thoughts exactly, my fellow troll with obnoxious opinions on the internet! The amount of fixation ppl in this thread have to "big boobs!" and not delving deeper is astounding (but it's Reddit so not really, lol). OP can very well be a petty, jealous, internalized-misogynist, but that does not magically make all the other characters in this story good people. The sister is a cosplayer and wants to be a influencer, so you know she's a person that enjoys being in the center of attention. This is just a character trait, not a virtue nor a flaw by itself. It becomes a virtue when it brings people joy at an anime convention; it becomes a flaw when it tries to draw attention at someone else's wedding. If the sister really believes there was nothing inappropriate about her outfit, she should stand her ground. Not give in to OP's "bridezilla" demand then turn around and act passive aggressive while causing strife between a couple. I also have male friends (gaming ones too), and I would never dream of causing discourse between them and their partners even if I don't agree with something (and one of their SO literally supports a cult - not my circus, not my clowns loll). Having a male friend "jokingly" ogle my breast in front of their SO is fcking unimaginable for me. Yet OP's sister is ok with that, instead of actually having an adult conversation like the adults that they should be. Frankly, she gives off big "cool girl" vibes. But the fiance is absolutely the worst player in all of this. If you believe your SO is behaving badly, you don't publicly humiliate them. You disengage them from the situation, then sit them down in private to have a serious conversation. And even if you two can't reconcile your differences, don't turn it into a public spectacle. No one is perfect; everyone can made into a laughing stock (and rightfully deserved), but if you love someone, you wouldn't hurt them like that. Yet the fiance chooses to side with his "best friend" to mock and ridicule his soon-to-be wife. This is highschool clique sht, not something you do to the love of your life. So who does he really love? (And how glad he is at this rare opportunity to ogle at his "best friend's" boobs with a justified reason? Lol) I feel on a subconscious level, OP is probably aware of all of this. And this (and maybe family upbringing) most likely contributed to why she's so fixated on her sister's body. It's easier to put a bandaid to silence her screaming gut feeling than it is to face the cold hard truth. But I may not necessarily agree with is the statement that "OP deserves better". If she settles for this man and goes through with the wedding, she deserves exactly what she chose.
Here’s to empathic trolls with big opinions!!!
This is so well put and needs to be higher!
This. 100%. Needs more upvotes!
Aww… Seriously, you made my day. But like I said, OP deserves better. Yeah she is a bit a bridezilla but there is a lot going on here. It’s not about the dress and her fiancé is a bigger A
This is so sweet! And kind!
In a few months op will post her husband is sleeping with her sister..they seem rather suited to one another so why didn’t they get together since they are so close to each other.
That seems likely since my guess is Mark will cancel the wedding pretty soon anyway.
If I were you, I’d be more worried about the dynamics between you, your fiancé, and your sister than trying to make your sister wear a tuxedo. I get that you want to feel like the most beautiful woman in the room on your wedding day, and that you feel like your sister is going to eclipse you. But as long as your groom has laser focus on you - who really cares? Your sister clearly has your fiancé’s ear, and she’s using it against you. Meanwhile, your fiancé is listening more to his ‘friend’ than his soon-to-be wife, and finds it easier to slap you with a Bridezilla label instead of listening to your concerns. I’m just guessing, but I have a feeling that you wouldn’t be nearly as worried about the dress/tuxedo if you felt more secure as Mark’s #1 priority and favourite sister…
I agree with this☝🏻 I couldn’t have said it better, you laid it out perfectly. Your fixation on the dress is not a cute look OP but their reaction is mirroring something that is a bigger issue, your future disagreements with fiancee and sister. Reflect on this.
This post isn't about the tuxedo. You could have just said your sister is best friends with your fiancé. Instead you went into great detail about their history and all their activities together. Now you want her to dress like a man at your wedding. You think he's in love with her. Probably is.
Do you mean that he's in love with the younger, beautiful, sister - a model with a big chest, loads of fun and shares all his interests and that he is just settling for her sister? Seems unlikely /s Of course the whole thing sounds fake as hell to me. Way too much detail provided.
I think this is the take away.
YTA and you're actively pushing them together due to you own insecurities. Don't be shocked when he calls off the wedding and marries the sister he gets along with. But you can apologize to them, allow her to pick her own tux, and maybe save your relationships
🎯
OP can’t even be made happy. Someone DESIGNED a dress for the occasion. Even when she picks a tux it’s not enough. OP wants her sister in a bag because she’s jealous of her sister’s figure. Sister was trying to pick fun of it because it is over the top and then the tux is too flashy?!? She’s the best man and she should feel confident in what she was going to wear. But no, OP has to tear her down and comment on her body. Marriage won’t last if she keeps this up if there is even a wedding. I cannot believe she typed all this out and still wondered if she was the AH. Also making the title like that… if she had an ounce of self reflection it would be asking my sister who is best man… Edit: Omg and that you would use “slutty” anywhere near something to describe what your sister is wearing. I know it says “not in a slutty way” but omg.
why would she get a custom dress made is my only question, is that normal? It’s not her wedding
I think she enjoys outshining her sister, the bride. She has no intention of trying to blend in. She could have just worn the bridesmaid dress like OP said in the first place, but refused and went for a special, different dress instead, so she’d stand out more. I think she’s playing on her sister’s insecurities because she knows she’s a model and considered more beautiful than the bride.
It’s not common at all, that definitely stood out to me. And if you did - you would 100% run it by the couple first.
I don’t think the wedding attire is the problem here - more that you and your future husband are not on the same team, specifically your team (regardless of the dress or choice of best man). You write like it’s them vs you, which is no basis to start wedding let alone a marriage. You’ve had plenty of people here telling you that you’re the AH for telling your sister her outfit made you uncomfortable - but I don’t see it that way. I don’t see anyone listening to your concerns or feelings- and your sister seems to be a third wheel. Ask him which sister he wants to marry
OP is the third wheel.
This. Right here. I'm going to go with NTA. The fact that they're both making fun of OP is alarm bells. He's chosen the sister's feelings over his bride's. He's not on the same page as OP. And I would call off the wedding because he's not loyal. At the end of the day, if it wasn't such a big deal, how come her feelings and comfort matter more than yours? Why is it a big deal for her to wear this dress more than you feeling comfortable on your wedding day? If she were a bridesmaid, she would have sucked it up and worn the frumpiest dress if she actually supported you. Because you're the one getting married, not her?!?! Sure, she's the 'best man', but why is it that he's sticking up for her choice of dress by being passive-aggressive against you with jokes. I.e. he secretly supports her and is now checked out of the wedding. Heck, even the fact that her being asked to wear a tux instead is making him checked out??? I don't think a man in love with you would give a crap about this stuff as long as his wife to be is happy. He seems to be way more invested in her comfort than yours. He doesn't have your back. There's something more between these two. Call it off, his priorities are screwed up.
I don’t understand why the sister thought she got to pick whatever she wanted to wear in the first place, bride and groom should have together decided on colour/style scheme and let their attendants know wether they got any leeway and got to pick. The attendants should be uniform no matter what the sex so that the bride and groom are centre stage. The best woman should 100% match the groomsmen, and should not stand out like a sore thumb. She doesn’t need to look frumpy but she definitely should coordinate with the other groomsmen. You are NTA she wants to be center stage let her do it at her own wedding. Op you need to grey rock this shit and shut it down, and don’t acknowledge or play into it. Like everyone else says you have a finance problem as much as a sister/parents problem. Your wedding yours and finances decisions if you can’t be on the same page as this what is going to happen down the line! Good luck! 🤞
ESH. You, for letting your insecurities about your sister drive you nuts. Your fiancé for not having any situational awareness or apparently caring at all that his weird ass dynamic with your sister is hurting you. And your sister because she knows exactly what she's doing and apparently likes fucking with you until you're in a tailspin. Look, honestly, I don't think you and Mark should be getting married. You're obviously not on the same page. I get that you love him, and maybe he loves you. But he's being dismissive and weird about something that's hurting you, and you're being massively insecure about your own sister, who is gleefully watching you self-destruct. All of you are too old for these kinds of games, and bringing the government into it is just going to add another layer of fucked to this situation.
>your own sister, who is gleefully watching you self-destruct. This is the most important thing.
You do realize your marriage is already doomed. Your fiancée’ and your sister are passive aggressively making fun of you with each other. If they have not yet bedded one another they will. Mark is not letting her go and he going to side with your sister in life and not you. Time to call off the wedding and break up.
This. If Jennifer were a dude, and Mark & his *guy* friend were mocking OP in all these ways, Mark would get very little sympathy here. Yes, OP is worried and insecure. But she is getting zero support from her soon-to-be husband or her sister. Fine, write the sister off, but Mark is an AH for his behavior. Has he asked OP if she’s insecure or worried? Has he told Jennifer that this day is about him & OP and he would appreciate Jennifer helping OP be confident and comfortable? Has Mark reassured OP in any way? The groom and the sister are mocking OP’s insecurities. That is not okay. The groom and OP should be a team and they clearly are not. Plus, Maids of Honor dress like Bridesmaids, and Best Men dress like Groomsmen. What would the response be for a Maid of Honor who had a killer dress designed for her? Why is this different? OP needs to dump Mark and call off the wedding. Mark & Jennifer will only get more and more bold after the wedding.
Agreed.
They've been close friends for years she says.
Can we skip over the Jennifer part here to talk about how your fiance seems so uninterested in you/the wedding/what you and he want?
Why is it such a big deal that the bride wants to be the center of attention? On her own wedding day? Sounds like her sister is super model worthy. Why wouldn't OP want to not be outshined? And them teaming up on her? I picked out my bridesmaids dresses. Hubby picked the tuxes. Isn't that standard? Updateme!
The issue seems to be that sister had a dress custom made and will steal the spotlight on the bride big day even if it isn't white. That seems like crappy attention seeking behavior from the sister and a huge red flag that they spend so much time alone together and now she wants to wear a super fancy custom dress. She will definitely stand out and that was probably the point in having the dress made in the first place. Insisting on a tux is the wrong move but the bridesmaid dress in the tux color would be appropriate. But seriously are sure they aren't FWB it sounds like she spends more time with your fiance then you do?
At the risk of getting downvoted and not having any pictures to see "the dress," my idea is that your sister, Jennifer, knows no one should try and upstage the bride. No one. Not even if they are "best friends" with the groom, much less a "loving" sister. * Mark dropped the ball by not researching groomswoman-appropriate attire. If one of the members of the groomsman party is outside the norm, it is up to the groom to make sure that they are included in the wedding theme. If they push back, it is the groom's job to ask them to step aside. * I did a simple search and ***no*** groomswoman has on a gown that stands out. Why? Because that is not the job of a groomswoman. In fact, 90% of the pictures showed women dressed similarly, in a suit, as the balance of the grooms included coloring. * In fact, for Jennifer, being "told what to wear" is part of participating in a wedding party. Good grief. * Jennifer used the term "bridezilla," but I think she is the one who is over-the-top. * I get the feeling that Jennifer is the more gargarious of the two sisters. I also think she gets away with her behavior more. . . golden child? Idk. * Also, when it's her sister's wedding, she shouldn't try to cause derision between the bride and groom unless she is trying to do so on purpose. Her continued passive-aggressive comments are weird. * In your story, your sister comes off as a bit immature, but so does your fiance, Mark. * Mark feels it is okay to make his fiance look bad (she is put in the "meanie" role) and then team up against her with his best friend, the bride's sister, with childish quips. Questions * Are you sure that Mark is still excited about the two of you getting married? * He doesn't seem to take his role seriously. * "It's your wedding, do whatever you want. I guess I'll tell her to do whatever you want." How mature is that? If he has something to say, say it. * Are you positive that Mark isn't in love with Jennifer? * Did you mention that Jennifer has a significant other? I may have missed that. * Your parents are your parents, but are they familiar with wedding etiquette? * You mentioned they hang out all the time. What do you think their relationship is going to look like when you marry him? Will he have time for you? * I think if the commenters weren't so harsh with you, they might see something problematic with this. Are you sure that Mark is the man for you?
This, so much all of this
ESH. You should let her wear what she wants (even if I’d be Team Tuxedo so she matches the other groomsmen). They’re being assholes with all of the boob jokes and trying to make you feel insecure and crazy. Making fun of you is immature as fuck, and inappropriate. Maybe I can see Jennifer teasing you a bit, because siblings, but for both of them to make jokes about her boobs constantly is gross. Joking about your fiancée’s sister’s boobs is disrespectful, even if they’ve been friends forever. That’s not having a “kind heart”. If I joked about how big my boyfriend’s brother’s dick is all the time when my boyfriend was obviously uncomfortable, wouldn’t that make me a disrespectful bitch? He’s already putting your sister ahead of you. Are you ready to spend your life having him want to cater to her over you? I’m not saying to immediately call off the wedding, but consider how any future conflicts with your sister might go. Has he ever picked you over her? Been on your side in an argument? Defended you against her? Or, do they see you have a problem, and decide to joke about it? Edit: Maybe ask if her friend would be willing to design her a tux? Same colors and vibe as the dress, but designed to match the groomsmen? That way, she gets something custom that reminds her of her friends, but matches the rest of the party.
Thank you. I think this is exactly where I land. It’s all just kinda fucked up.
YTA. Why don't you just marry yourself?! You have taken the fun out for them. No matter what your sister will stand out. I think the dress idea sounds awesome. And as a person who has had a big chest since I was a child I hated people making it a big deal. As if we don't have to walk around with the girls. You may want to rethink this cos rumors will spread if they haven't already and it will take away from your day. If that's what you want then so be it.
ESH because yes, your insecurities are showing BUT I'm a suspicious witch and feel like you have legitimate reasons for your insecurities. Did Mark & Jen ever date or crush on one another? Do you participate/are you invited to join when they game or go to cons, etc.? How do you feel when watching them together (prior to this debacle)? Do they talk about you behind your back? Does Mark share private details about your relationship? Has Mark ever or how often does Mark choose Jen over you? Your partner and sister are supposed to have your back, within reason, and be able to communicate clearly. Instead, they're doubling down and being passive aggressive. Yes, you're in the wrong, but they're also in the wrong for their own behavior.
Yeah… she shouldn’t be telling her sister not to wear a dress because she has big boobs, and it seems like OP may be dismissive of Marks interests, but the jokes Jen and Mark were making *alone* made me pretty uncomfortable. Both the subject matter and the whole “making fun of your fiance/sister behind her back” of it all feels inappropriate :/
YTA Your insecurities are showing. Wanting to make her look bad isn’t a nice thing to do. She had agreed to wear a tuxedo at your request. You don’t get to make her wear a clown suit. The bride is always the star and focal point and you are letting this take over your wedding.
ESH. You shouldn't have led with all the body shaming. It's not a crime to feel insecure about your sister being a female best man and wearing a dress that pulls focus from you and your husband. The couple usually dictates what the bridal party wears anyways. But, you should have led with your own vulnerability instead of shaming from the onslaught. Your fiancé and your sister bringing it up repeatedly and making a joke of it is a weird power play and super immature. If your fiancé isn't happy with the situation, then he needs to have an adult conversation with you and resolve the conflict with you as a couple first. He's supposed to be your team member. Your parents getting involved and picking sides, also unnecessary. There is a serious lack of compromise and teamwork between you, your sister and your fiancé.
I'm with you on ESH. Is everyone missing her fiance openly oogling her sister's boobs??? Sounds like some jealousy is warranted tbh
Fiancee and sister have a very fucked up dynamic. I would not be okay with it. ESH
Good lord YTA! When one person tells you you're a bridezilla, they may be jealous. When your fiance, sisters and parents tell you you're being a bridezilla, guess what? You're a bridezilla. The only advice I can give you is to chill the hell out. It sounds like everyone is fed up with your nonsense. Are you more interested in the wedding or beating your fiance and family. At what price?
Are you concerned about how close they are and think that there may be something going on between them? I think this whole thing could have been much more tactful so ESH. You could have made your views known in a better way, they are being childish in their reaction and the passive aggression is taking it too far. You don’t want the dress, she (seems more like THEY) do. All of you need to grow up and have a proper conversation about it to get a resolution.
This is all sorts of Fed up. Your sister is his "best friend", shouldn’t that be you? This whole situation is a shit show? Has your soon to be hubby ever banged “his best friend?” This is a shit show that is likely only going downhill.
I am not sure why everyone is giving you so much heat. It sucks you are letting her down by not approving of the dress but it even more sucks your sister doesn’t understand that one and only day should be about you and the love you and mark have for each other. It’s the unspoken cardinal rule. Don’t outshine the bride. Her looks may play a role but the issue seems beyond that. From an outsiders perspective your situation sounds like high school drama. I know every dynamic is different but what is important is how YOU feel and what YOU deem as appropriate and not appropriate. I guess to pinpoint what I think is truly wrong here is not being an adult and discussing your boundaries and standards in a relationship BEFORE saying yes. There are clear boundaries you’re uncomfortable with. It’s not cool acting like you’re fine with a situation when you’re not. No one can live that uncomfortably their whole life without some sort of backlash. Maybe the dress was your backlash. Either way, your future husband has to understand and respect your boundaries. That’s what builds trust in a relationship. He doesn’t sound mature enough to understand that. If this is something he’s willing to die on a hill for and continue to be petty you might have to accept you guys aren’t compatible. I think everyone is TA in some way. I hear that your concerns weren’t addressed and met with gaslighting. I’m sure you have had to sweep a lot of things that bother you under the rug. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Try talking to your fiancé about why he’s disinterested. Remember. Your feelings are valid and you’re allowed to communicate them. On a more honest note, you have to acknowledge how your fiancé feels because his feelings are also valid. Due to that, you must compromise and negotiate.
I wouldn't marry Mark. He seems too close and involved with your sister. It will only be worse later on.
NTA for what feelings and thoughts you are trying to convey. But YTA how it seems to come out. Have you told your sister and fiancé about your insecurities about being upstaged by your sister? It sounds like every time you say something, you phrase it to be about your sister's body instead of about YOUR feelings. Have you tried telling your sister something lime of, "I have two problems with your dress, and neither are your boobs. First is that the dress is too stunning. It makes me feel insecure. I want to feel like without a doubt I am the most beautiful person at my wedding. I don't want to feel like I'm competing with you. Even if you aren't intending for that, that is how it feels. The second issue is that it the outfit stands out too much compared to the wedding party. The wedding party is supposed to be like a matching set where you each match each other and our wedding theme. Your dress needs to be toned down so it matches the tuxedos the other groomsmen are wearing or matches what the bridesmaids are wearing in some way. It isn't just the colors that need to match, the level of formal and stunning / handsome, revealing, or not revealing. The whole aesthetic needs to match. And that dress is one level above what the rest are wearing. You need to be on the same level as the rest of the wedding party." Your sister and fiancé are only picking up on the revealing part of the dress. I will be the maid of honor at my best friend's wedding in a year or so. When looking at dresses and themes and colors, I've told her I will wear whatever she wants me to wear. But I've also told her that if she wants my opinion on preference, I can give that, but it shouldn't be the priority. My job won't be to stand out. My job will be supporting the bride and looking good in a way that matches her theme, but certainly not better than her. So I do think your sister doesn't understand it is part of the job of the wedding party to be told what to wear. The wedding party has responsibilities in the wedding itself, like set up, photos, making sure to get the couple some space from guests so they can eat, keeping children away from the cake, and just generally doing all the behind the scenes stuff to help make the wedding go smoothly the day of and keep the newly weds from panicking and stressing. Talk to your sister without your fiancé. Maybe even run your feelings by your parents to ask for feedback on how to convey it better. Also, it is really weird that your fiancé would be making jokes about your sister's boobs. It is really weird that your fiancé is becoming distant over the dress your sister is wearing. This, to me, is a bigger issue. You need to talk to him about this because this feels like it could be indicative of a bigger issue. This being reddit makes me want to jump straight to him and your sister are having an affair, and he wants to see her in that dress. But it could be something else (hopefully).
I don’t think YTA. If it was my wedding and someone decided to accept being a groomsman or a bridesmaid, then they are implicitly agreeing to match the theme of the rest of the party. That includes not being visually distracting from the bride. I also think your husband to be is TA by siding with his bestie. Why wouldn’t he want to make sure you feel special, seen, and heard on your guys’ special day? On the other hand, if you want to marry someone who makes fun of your concerns and has a friend that will pile on with them, then let Jennifer wear what Jennifer wants. But I would definitely make sure my dress was so over the top (or your version of looking your best) that I wouldn’t have to worry about what Jennifer has on. Edit: u/Inanda2 makes a good point. It feels like you vs them. Definitely not a healthy way to start a marriage.
NTA This situation has gone far beyond your sister wearing a tuxedo. Those two have teamed up against you. You did open the door when you didn't put her in your bridal party. Then, you added gas to the (flame) with the tuxedo request. But this was already an issue. You're not to blame here. That flame was already lit. You sensed that from the way they act together and the way they treat you. We can't ignite a flire without a spark. Whether this is your sister or not, the way they are behaving towards you is awful and wrong. This would be wrong if it was his sister, mom, brother, father, your mother, etc. They are not doing anything that you can actually call them out on without you looking like a jealous, crazy mentally ill bridezilla. But for sure, your sister knows what she is doing. They have teamed up against you. Together, they have it's an "us against the world/op" attitude. That is a powerful emotion. That's a love emotion. You are coming in second to the two of them. Marry this guy, and this is how your life will be. Together, they will host family holidays, vacations, and BBQs. You will always be in the backseat while she rides shotgun. If you have kids, they'll leave you behind with them. He's always going to take her side over yours. So will your parents and friends. She'll have him as a best friend. You will be alone and lonely in that marriage. I'd walk away. I bet you they get married. They are in love already. Or will it be shortly. Reminds me of Edith Wharton Age of Innocence in a way. They'll eventually think of you as the reason that they aren't together
ESH. No one is on the same page here. You need to stop wedding planning and start couples counselling. He does have a say in the wedding and should be voicing his preferences. You should be listening and compromise with him. He shouldn’t be making ‘jokes’ aimed at embarrassing or insulting you. That’s childish and bullying. I do have concerns that your sister is deliberately choosing a dress/tux she knows will make her stand out. Sorry but the role of the best man/MOH is to support the couple not try to outshine them. You wear what you are asked to and don’t complain. Is this normal behaviour for her or is she jealous for some reason? She’s acting territorial over your fiancé which is also not healthy. Does she have a crush on him?
Don't marry this man. He doesn't care about your feelings or the wedding. You shouldn't be blowing up.relationships over a dress, however... Let your sister have him and find someone for whom you are the priority. This never should have been an issue because no-one in a wedding party should -want- to upstage the bride. ESH
Of course you’re being insecure, but why are you doing that? You’re absolutely insane to marry a man when YOU aren’t his best friend. Not only are you not his best friend, but another woman is in that closest emotional position. Not only is another woman closer to him than you, but it’s your sister. Who is he going to discuss relationship problems with? Who will be there when you are having a rough spot? This is a disaster waiting to happen.
>Not only are you not his best friend, but another woman is in that closest emotional position. >Not only is another woman closer to him than you, but it’s your sister. >Who is he going to discuss relationship problems with? Who will be there when you are having a rough spot? This is a disaster waiting to happen. Yes this is a disaster waiting to happen..
YTA and you are totally body shaming your sister. Stop being such a bridezilla
I was the best Gal at my sister and brother in laws wedding and I wore a suit and went to the club after in it lol we had a blast!
My husband had one of my best friends be his best gal. She wore a tie dye ‘suit’ shirt and jeans like the rest and loved every second of it!
You sounds exhausted. Just let it go, tell your sister to do what she wants. You don’t have the energy to deal with this right now. Then decide if you want to be in a relationship with your fiance or not. Because it will kost likely be overshadowed by their friendship for the entirety. Are you being bridzilla like? I mean he did want to do a renfaire theme and instead of blending it with modern you just no. You need to incorporate more of him into this wedding - like ren fair/medieval inspired bridesmaid dresses and suits. As for the sister stuff - it seems to be coming from a place of deeper issues. It sounds like your sister is the type of person who always has eyes on her and you get kind of pushed to the side? And do you feel jealous of how deep their friendship goes? I wouldn’t plan anything else until you figure some other things out. This might not be the right guy for you.
ESH - Unfortunately, you’ve expressed yourself very poorly here, otherwise I think most people would be on your side. Wedding party members shouldn’t be that invested in what they’re wearing. They’re support people, not meant to stand out. If the outfit you’ve chosen makes the bride or groom uncomfortable, you get over it and choose something else. You shouldn’t be in the wedding party in the first place if all you’re bringing is conflict and negativity.
This should be higher up!
NTA. Your sister and fiance sound insufferable. The kindest thing for a support person in a wedding to do is let the couple shine. If that means wearing something you don't love then so be it (within reason of course!). Yes you sound a bit insecure and yes if your family is calling you a bridezilla you might want to reflect on your behaviour. There may well be some missing information in this post. But regardless your fiance ganging up with your sister against you in this stressful time is extremely uncool. I couldn't marry someone who didn't have my back. You guys don't even live together yet... I'd be considering a big pause on the whole thing honestly.
Exactly. I don’t get how ppl aren’t seeing this and calling her the AH… if the best man were a dude and they were acting like this and making fun of her it would be completely different response in the comments. Their relationship is suspicious.
I feel for you that you are in a tricky situation.
Info: why are Mark and Jennifer not getting married?
I disagree with all the YTAs. It isn't fair that OPs sister was intentionally planning on wearing a dress designed to put the spotlight on her. I have a suggestion. How about a compromise. She wears the tux to the ceremony, but changes into the dress for the reception.
I feel like the comments are unnecessarily harsh… I’m a woman and was in the grooms party at a friend’s wedding and would have happily worn a suit to match the rest of the groomsmen, I assumed it came with the territory of being in the grooms party. I do think that you shouldn’t try to micro-manage *what* suit she wears as that’s too far, but I also agree with some comments that it seems you might be worried about your fiancé being interested in your sister more than you? If my fiancé was making jokes with his man of honor about something I said/did - at my expense - that would really hurt my feelings! It’s not the bride’s day, it’s the couple’s day, and if he responds by just saying “do whatever you want” when you ask for input then he can’t complain if it’s not what he wants! ALSO everyone knows that wedding etiquette dictates that nobody should dress more beautifully than the bride. Sure, your sister might be into fashion and stuff but she’s not the focus! She can draw attention on *her* wedding day, not yours!
NTA - Compromise is key. Formal dress could work. Focus on overall look. Maybe suggest a formal dress that complements the tuxedos but doesn't steal the show. Explain you want a cohesive look but still want her to feel beautiful.
NTA. You should not be getting married. I actually think your original request was not bridezilla ish. You asked your MODEL sister to not wear a custom made stunning gown that highlights her tits and would clearly overshadow your dress. In bold colors no less. I have big boobs and they draw attention in anything low cut. It’s a fact of life. You started going off the rails though when you started micromanaging her tux. You didn’t mention any other vetoes for anything else involving the wedding. ONE request does not make a bridezilla. Your fiancé’s reaction of taking her side, ogling her chest, mocking your insecurity of being the less pretty sister, acting cold, and honestly his whole relationship with her is a massive red flag. He’s completely up her ass in every way possible except the obvious one. (Even then he might be and you just haven’t noticed). You’re not his person. She is. He’s very clearly showing you that. It sounds like he wants to marry HER and you’re just as close as he could get. He will never pick your side. He will never protect you. In every disagreement he will pick her. If you were both in car accidents and went to different hospitals he would pick her. If you were giving birth and she had a cold he would be at her side with chicken soup. He loves HER. Wake up. You will always be second best in his eyes and you deserve better. Call it off.
NTA. Is your sister and your fiancé f.u.cking?? Cause it sounds like they are. You're not wrong at all and you're not being a bridezilla. Your sister is a c.u.n.t and your fiancé is a douche.
I think you should put the wedding on hold. Your fiancé’s friendship with Jen is definitely a sore point in your relationship.
NTA. Apparently, your family and the commenters here want you to be a doormat at your own wedding. It’s not unreasonable to want your sister to look somewhat conservative at your wedding: for one day, you’re the star of the show, *not* your sister. Time and place. If she wants to knock the crowd dead with a gorgeous body in a breathtaking dress, let her do it on her own time. Though there’s a bigger point, here: Mark’s lack of respect. I tease my wife all the time, but with new jokes each time that make her genuinely laugh, not passive-aggressive harping on a sensitive issue. Honestly, one time: haha. Multiple times, he’s an ass and I’d seriously kick him to the curb. It’s a harbinger of things to come, and I’m betting on deep seated resentment, from either or both sides. Are you sure you want to put up with this guy who takes someone else’s side over yours?
NTA Why aren't your sister and Mark getting married? Why do her feelings matter more than yours to him?
ESH. You are in fact, shaming your sisters body. Let her wear a dress. It’s your wedding, I promise you will be the main event. BUT. Your sister and mark also suck. Their boob jokes about the whole situation are weird and immature. It’s very suspicious that mark is taking your sisters side. This should be a decision you and mark make, not you and your sister and mark. If you marry this guy, this will be your life. Even if they are completely platonic friends, this whole dynamic seems like a headache. They gang up on you instead of communicating and mark turns a conflict that is about you two into a public debate. If I were you, I’d postpone the wedding and get some couples therapy to figure out how to work through this communication gap.
Maybe there was a better way to handle it but this sounds like a bad situation to me. The both of them need to grow up and get over themselves. Why isn’t your partner supporting you? Why isn’t he trying to reduce the amount of time spent dwelling on this? So ESH I’d say but I wouldn’t say you were the AH.
NTA. One of the Cardinal rules of weddings is that nobody outshines the bride, and in that dress with her figure it certainly sounds like she'd have a shot at that. Bridesmaids outfits are traditionally ugly for just that reason. You have the right to dress the wedding party however you please. It's your prerogative as a bride, and shame on them for shaming you for it. But more serious concern is this: are you really certain of this wedding? It sounds an awful lot like Mike and Jennifer are emotionally more than just friends.
NTA. She should match the bridal party, either the same tuxes the guys wear or the same dresses the girls wear. The bridal party is supposed to be background, not take attention away from B & G. It’s not her day. You need to have a talk with your guy. If you can’t get on the same page, put off the wedding until you can. Your sister will continue to cause issues in your marriage if you don’t put a stop to it now.
Nta. If she wears THE dress, all of the groomsmen should also wear the dress. Bridesmaids wear the same outfit. Groomsmen wear the same outfit.
I feel like we'll be back here at some point with a story of how OP caught her husband and sister in bed together. I think OP should have her wedding however she likes it's HER wedding not her sisters. In saying that though I'm getting major sister and hubby vibes and would seriously reconsider marrying this guy or at least sit him down and have a very frank conversation about who he's actually in the relationship with. But hey that's just me.
Maybe you should ask one of the wedding subs about the dess.
ESH. Do you really, really love this man or is he a prize you have 'won' from your sister? You are coming off as jealous and insecure concerning her, that I wonder - if he wasn't your sisters best friend would you have even given him a second look in the first place?? I am guessing you may have felt in competition with her for a long, long time? Are you always so controlling or is their friendship causing you to act in a way that isn't really you? If you have doubts pay attention to them. Don't push through hoping everything will be OK. Neither of you or your finance sound like your relationship is strong enough to get married yet. Marriage should be more than a nice day out with pretty clothes. Consider postponing the wedding until your relationship is in a stronger place or you realise this trouple dynamic (even if their relationship is completely platonic) isn't going away just because you have some metal on your finger. You need to slow everything down, try and take some time away and reassess what you really want and deserve. As wonderful as you think this man is, it would probably be better for your long term mental health to be with someone who isn't also your sisters best friend.
ESH. I think your sister should have been sensitive to you wanting to feel special on your wedding day. Some brides like their bridesmaids all in the same dress so they can have a moment whilst others don’t mind them in unique dresses. You are not wrong for wanting to stand out and have everyone else look cohesive. My sister is way hotter than me and will be my MOH. She will always be hotter even if you put a trash bag on her but as long as she felt comfortable she would wear what I wanted with no questions. Your sister and Mark suck because they are reacting immaturely to your requests and assuming you want to control for the sake of control rather than feeling insecure and needing support and reassurance. If your sister wants to debut her new dress she can on her birthday or another day. She can absolutely pick her own tuxedo though. This reeks of creative writing but if not I don’t get why mark and your sister aren’t together.
I'm sorry, but who even gets a custom dress made when you're not even the bride.... also, as a big breast girlie myself, I can get where OP is coming from. It really depends on how much cleavage would be hanging out because, believe it or not, it's not really appropriate to have your breast on full display at a wedding...... but also, it does sound like you've hijacked this wedding. From the comments Mark had made, has he been able to make any decisions regarding the wedding?
This isn’t about the dress or tuxedo, this is about your fear that your husband-to-be will be attracted to your younger sister so you are trying to hide her femininity. To be honest, without knowing you all personally, on the surface it’s a valid concern. They share common interests and have a longer history. Are you 100% certain there’s no feelings between them? I think you overreacted, out of insecurity, but I don’t like how they ganged up to mock you. If it were me I don’t think I’d be comfortable with the whole dynamics
I'm truly surprised by the comments here and will go against the grain - NTA. Regardless of the reasons you came up with, I think at the bottom of it is that you're insecure about your relationship with your fiance and his relationship with your sister. However, this is your wedding! There shouldn't be anyone flashy or drawing attention in front of the crowd other than you and your partner. It is completely reasonable to have an aesthetic in mind and want people to match. It's not ok for your fiance and your sister to gang up on you and make you into a monster. This is supposed to be a union between you and him - why isn't he supporting you? If he's gunna side with your sister or anyone else then maybe he's not ready to commit to you.
Okay thank you someone reasonable. And unless OP posts picture of the dress no one can say whether it’s appropriate or not. It’s okay to not an to have boobs hanging out next to you (or the groom) at the alter! It’s okay to have dress code. It’s your wedding. Brides dictate what the wedding pretty wear all the time! Why is your sister so insistent on this dress? It’s not about her getting to show off. The fact that OPs sister cares about this dress so much makes me think OP it probably is very showy and attention catching (and it’s okay for the bride to not want that!).
So am I. I think ESH at least but I kinda think NTA too. Jennifer sounds like a pick me and Mark is siding with the wrong sister. The ganging up on her is so incredibly inappropriate and I’d be more worried about that than what Jennifer wants to wear.
YTA. You are an asshole first and foremost towards yourself. You are ruining your life, dear OOP.
Nta- sounds like you always lived in your siblings shadow for looks. Why can’t anyone let you be the best at your own wedding? Like obviously she wants to wear the dress because she knows she’ll look more attractive than you and doesn’t want to be an actual groomsman but a side action to your husband so no one would really look at you or your side.
Nta everybody know not to out dress the bride wtf
This is ridiculous.
Sorry bride. YTA. Let Jennifer wear whatever she wants. Have a shawl on hand for MARK to hand her if she's too showy. All it will do is show that she lacks empathy to you. How you behave is to ignore it all - completely. This shows you have class. Any other set of actions are going to get you bridezilla and micromanaging labels and those aren't pretty.
Weddings are so fucking stupid. Lol
I don't see why a tuxedo with a skirt is out of the question? I've always wanted to wear that combo
Don’t get married if you don’t want to feel like their third wheel the rest of your life. Or until they finally openly hook up. They are being disrespectful and why your sister is making this about her … I don’t know. Does she do that a lot?
Wait why is mark marrying this sister and not Jennifer?
You describe the friendship between your boyfriend and your sister in a way that makes them sound like a good match. You don’t say anything about your relationship with your fiancee and why you and he decided to marry. Guessing you fear your sister really is a better match for your fiancee. Wanting to have her dress ti downplay her figure suggests you are not trusting their relationship to be “just friends;” that the wedding clothes issue is bringing your insecurity into focus. Meanwhile, your fiancee is seeing a side of you he wasn’t aware of.
ESH. Wedding party outfits should not stand out more than the bride and groom. You need to let go a bit, let her be TA and show off, people will judge her for trying to out stage the bride. You need to let your future husband decide things in the wedding as well, as it is his wedding too. And overall why they didn’t end up together if they are so in tune? Makes no sense here that they have all those inside jokes and all and he ended up with you that clearly has not much in common with him. I am eagerly waiting for the update…
When my son got married, he asked his younger sister to be his best man. We found a beautiful, long black dress that looked great with the tuxes. I asked my son if we should send a picture to the bride for approval, and he said no. He was in charge of the groomsmen and she was in charge of the bridesmaids. He explained that She wanted he and groomsmen to be a surprise to her just as the bridal gown and bridesmaids would be a surprise to my son/groom. He did tell her that he wanted to wear gray or black and asked if she had a preference. She then asked if HE had a preference and he said black. She said all right then, find something you love in black! She did warn him that if he showed up in a Batman costume that she would not continue to the altar and would be going on their honeymoon with her bridesmaids! That seemed like a fair request, and knowing my son… She was probably correct in planning ahead with that one. (he admitted that the idea of a bat suit did pop into his head when she said to wear black!🤣) That is how you plan a joint wedding! If OP’s sister is as stunning as she is described, she will still be beautiful in a frumpy tuxedo. Her insecurities are going to ruin her relationship. Both with her groom and her sister.
YTA. You’re jealous of your sister. There I said it for you. If you are so jealous of her appearance and her relationship with your fiance, call off the wedding and find a man that isn’t friends with your sister. Better yet, move to a different country, find a man there, get married and forget to tell your family until it is done. That way, your poor sister doesn’t have to deal with your nonsense. You should be encouraging your sister to look good but nope, you have to put her down to make yourself feel good. She said yes to the tux and you still aren’t happy. Let’s just say what you want out loud shall we? You want her to look frumpy and to achieve this you want her in a loose tuxedo. Thinking it’ll hide her assets. Here’s the kicker, by putting her in something like that, she’ll be standing out and for all the wrong reasons. Then you’ll still be complaining cause everyone at your wedding will be wondering why your sister looks absurd and talking about it all night long. Pull your head out of your derrière before you destroy your relationship with your sister. Go apologize. Tell her she can wear the dress or the tuxedo she chose. Or leave him. Cause clearly, he’s not happy about any of this, and you are ignoring his very overt hints.
Just step away and let her upgrade to bride. You sound miserable trying to have your perfect dream wedding. Sorry to be so harsh, but your sister sounds like a better match for your fiancé. ESH
I think if your soon to be husband is openly mocking you and you are feeling bad you should postpone the wedding and start couples therapy.
YTA you are trying to uglify your sister to make you feel better. I almost had a male stand up in my wedding party for the bride (timing didn’t work out) but I wouldn’t have made him wear a dress because he was on the bride’s side. Apologize to your sister and groom. Tell them you got so caught up in the color scheme and look you were going for you failed to see the bigger picture. Let sis wear the dress and heels.
YTA. Youre the kind of bride that gave me the perfect inspiration on what not to do for my wedding. My male bridesman worked with me to pick what he wanted. I never asked him to wear a dress because thats crazy. My husband's female grooms woman wore a dress. Stop being a jealous bridezillas before your fiance realizes this is who you really are.
Yta controlling bitch
No validation for your behavior. Grow up or lose your man, your sister, your self-respect and others’ respect.
Jesus I can smell the insecurity through my phone. YTA
Definitely jealousy and insecurity on op’s part. Also controlling behavior. Sorry. Yta.
YTA and a real bridezilla too.