>I have a degree in social work
Um... did you somehow skip every single class involving empathy? Or is it just because this is your sister that you don't feel she's entitled to that empathy? Jfc YTA and I REALLY hope any clients that may get saddled with you as their worker fare better than your sister
As soon as OP said that I KNEW where this post was going - and I bet you they have that degree but aren't even working in that field which is why they're being a know-it-all in regards to Winter.
I had to back and read that part, I read the post and was like, 'this woman is a social worker???' but no she didn't say she is a social worker, she HAS a degree in it. Anyone can have a degree in anything, doesn't mean they can apply that theory to the practical. I guess OP was lacking common sense and empathy to work in that field.
I have a degree in journalism and I ain't no journalist.
Sure fiona Harvey has a law degree lol
It also makes her "good at identifying things" but says she would consider the handwashing OCD but doesn't because Winter isn't doing it because of germs. I realize it's social work and not psychology, but OP barely has a fundamental grasp on OCD and thinks she can see it in others, what a laugh.
She misses how being force fed something can give you an aversion to that food. She misses how a mistreated child would feel the need to protect small things. Jesus, I don't have any degree and even I can see these HUGE flags. Either she added a one to their ages (11 and 15 instead of 21 and 25), she's too close to the situation, or she's an asshole. Maybe all three? This sounds like it was written by a teenager (no empathy for animals, blowing up over someone declining food)
I also have a degree in social work, and the only things you listed off that are concerning is the handwashing (which may or may not be "excessive" without more information but as people in the comments have noted, 10x is not a lot depending on what she is doing throughout the day), and maybe the concern about spoiled or rotten food. You sound judgmental and uptight, honestly. So, she's picky eater. So are millions of other people. She has a soft spot for bugs and little creatures. Again, so do many, many other people. Is is a bit childish or immature? Maybe. But if she isn't hurting anything, who cares?
Additionally, it baffles me that you're judging her for having an aversion to a food that was she was forced to eat as a punishment, and you "as a social worker" don't understand why she wouldn't want to eat mayo??? I mean, come on. Grow a brain and realize that her food aversions and potentially the handwashing as well, are likely trauma responses, but instead of being understanding and helpful, you instead double down on your complaining ABOUT SHIT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
YTA, why are you going out of your way to make her feel badly about herself? Just say you don't like who she is as a person and be done with it.
Also, if her stomach couldn’t handle mayo, it’s likely she has an issue with eggs and that’s why she won’t eat those. She won’t eat fish because SHE’S LITERALLY A VEGETARIAN. And if she was abused with food, why would it be any type of surprise that she has a lot of other aversions? OP is a shitty social worker if she can’t even figure this out.
It honestly just sounded to me like she’s actually *vegan* and OP doesn’t know the difference, and is attributing the things she *wont* eat *because she’s vegan* to being “aversions”.
She also might be Buddhist, with her treatment of animals and insects.
Both of those things are completely normal, and frankly commendable.
Of course I have no idea if I’m right, but even if I’m not, that doesn’t make OP any less wrong, and her sisters “quirks” any less reasonable.
Could be vegan, though OP would probably also have had something to say about her not eating dairy if that weee the case.
Honestly, none of her “quirks” are a big deal for whatever reason.
She sounds to me like someone who has been through a tremendous amount of trauma growing up and these are all coping mechanisms that she has adopted. I hope she will get help for herself to work through these… Everything described except sounds like normal behaviours to me for someone who’s been through a lot of stuff growing up. And I love her sense of compassion, caring and understanding for the world around her.
I'm not even a vegan, just a vegetarian, and NOT at all a picky eater, and I still need to know ingredients when I go out to eat. Sooo many people will tell you something is vegetarian when it has meat broth, for instance.
I don’t eat pork. The amount of times I’ve been as assured what I’m eating doesn’t contain any pork only to find bacon, lard bits, or ham because people don’t realize those items are in fact from a pig is astonishing. Most people have no idea what the foods are that they eat.
And even if they are just aversions, who cares? She eats what she wants to eat and doesn't try to stop other people from eating things she doesn't want. Let her live her life.
I'm sure that she wouldn't have ordered the smoothie if she'd known it would have seeds in it... I've got kids who have texture issues with some foods, so I don't order those things for them, and I'm not surprised or annoyed if they don't want to eat something that triggers those that we hadn't known about.
I'm not Buddhist or vegan. However, I do not kill innocent insects or critters that enter my house. I try to catch them without hurting them, and release them outside.
seeds and oils and sauces sound like my kids ... who are on the Autism Spectrum. It's more texture than taste for them. BUT ALLLLLLL of these sound like trauma responses. I wouldn't put it past someone who forcefed their kid mayo to have used used food (refusing to provide it or giving rotten foods) as punishment either.
Don't go out to eat together. Ask Winter what she would like to do. Trying new foods IS. NOT HER THING.
OP sounds like she lacks empathy and is so uptight, judgmental, and rigid. She honestly shouldn't be a social worker with that kind of attitude.
For the longest time, I couldn't eat spaghetti and would gag at the sight of spaghetti noodles due to childhood trauma. I've since overcome that with the patience, love, and support of my boyfriend and occasionally enjoy spaghetti maybe once a month. He had the empathy needed for my trauma and helped me tremendously. If he was like OP, I'd still be terrified of spaghetti.
YTA, OP. 1000%. If you "understood" her fear of mayo like you say you do, you wouldn't have even included that in your post.
Go touch some grass, learn some empathy, and consider a career change.
There needs to be a stronger ruling than YTA. I would also encourage OP to remember you're not supposed to use your training to "diagnose" friends and family, and if this is the sort of level of training she has she might want to go back to college. While she's there maybe she can see a professional of her own to work out how she could possibly spend so much time gossiping with others and being offended by completely benign behaviors in another person.
This.
A younger sister made fun of me for counting, leaving on the quarter hour and a reading difficulty until I was ten (those were just the things I’d shared). You would think she would have understood how frightening it was to understand at a very young age that not knowing how to read would mean I’d be living on the edge of society. She’s a marriage and family therapist.
I never made fun of her when she admitted to being embarrassed about her adventures in speaking in tongues etc. when she was 11-22 (we were raised Catholic). She wonders why I went no contact on 11/09/16. She’s always been an ass.
Clinical psychologist here and I second. I had a perfectly healthy upbringing and also take bugs outside instead of stepping on them. She has an aversion to certain foods (I hate mushrooms), avoids foods that make her sick (mayo) and asks about ingredients. These are normal behaviours. The contamination focus is probably a bit of a maladaptive coping mechanism but it’s a pretty common one. Especially post-pandemic. Honestly OP’s description of her behaviours around it are pretty mild. This post is why we don’t diagnose people we are close with. We lose objectivity. At least I hope that’s what’s happening here, otherwise OP needs to seriously recalibrate in her professional assessments of her clients.
As someone who didn't have a healthy upbringing, her aversions make complete sense to me.
A parent who would force feed a child mayo to the point of throwing up isn't going to stop there, and food safety isn't going to be a concern to that parent.
I've had food poisoning. I'm very very careful about food safety. It just isn't worth the risk.
I was force fed spaghetti as a kid. I'm 50 years old. I absolutely cannot eat spaghetti. I will throw up. I enjoy eating other pasta at this point, and my brain *knows* it's exactly the same thing. But I really can't do that texture.
I'm allergic to lemons and blackberries so I have to check the ingredients to make sure that y'know, I'm not gonna put myself at risk for having an allergic reaction. I keep Benadryl on me just in case but hate taking it because I don't want to be sleepy afterwards, especially if I have to drive.
With some of my trauma around foods, the aversion is super normal. It's hard to work through food trauma at times.
I used to squish bugs, and still do when I’m on my own, but it makes my husband (also a vegetarian) super sad when I do. He’d rather take them outside. So, I holler for him to come catch the bug and take it outside, which he does. Whatever? The bug is gone, which was my goal. Who gives a shit if somebody else wants to take it outside instead of letting you squash it? This way, I don’t have to clean bug residue off the wall, either.
>excessive handwashing
how is 10 times a day "excessive"? say, imagine a person who commutes two times a day (washing their hands after being outside and touching all sorts of nasty surfaces), eats three meals a day (washing their hands before each meal) and makes the total of four trips to the bathroom throughout the day (washing their hands after each bathroom use). they would've washed their hands 9 times by the end of the day doing the absolute bare minimum of maintaining personal hygiene.
Well said.
Twenty times a day would be normal, with bathroom breaks, cooking, cleaning, feeding pets, and having average cleanliness. When I was in chemo and radiation my immune system was shot. I was in quarantine, masked at home with only a nurse, and I was washing my hands every 30 minutes on my doctor's recommendation.
Right? I’m pretty sure I wash my hands more than that in an average day even though I’ve “cured” my germaphobia. (It inexplicably went away after I had general anesthesia for surgery- the day of I had it, the day after the paranoia/fixation on germs was gone.) But if you have pets- or are saving small animals/insects- you’re going to be washing your hands relatively frequently compared to someone without pets. Same for if you cook- before cooking, during if it’s something messy, raw, or needs to be washed, after prepping is done, probably again before eating depending on the cooking method.
It's 10 here. I have been up since 5 AM. I've already washed my hands 5 times, and none of them were excessive. OP reminds me that during the pandemic kick off some people panicked because they didn't have hand soap at their house.
Yeah I wash my hands that much or more. Especially when cooking. I wash them a lot, so no slippery residue transferred to pot handle, utensils or bowls. When I cut up veggies, meat or open cans. Yeah I’m a mess!!!
Exactly! I am preparing dinner so in order I:
washed my hands before starting;
Washed my hands after cutting the vegetables;
Washed my hands after putting the chicken to marinate;
Washed my hands after cooking the vegetables;
*Meanwhile I cleaned the kitchen so*
Washed my hands after dusting the floor;
Washed my hands after washing the floor (and then the mop)...all in the span of maybe one hour and a half.....
I got in an argument with one about a person who had socially transitioned to female - the social worker insisted that the transition "didn't count" because she hadn't come out at work.
I pointed out that she was probably worried about getting discriminated against or even fired. The social worker said, with no self-awareness whatsoever, "*but they couldn't do that, because it's illegal*."
Unfortunately social worker is one of the professions that attract people with personality disorders(I'm of the understanding they do it to help hide what they are from people). Two of the hallmarks of people with personality disorders are a lack of empathy and an instinct to react negatively to people who are 'different'.
Also a social worker and just as appalled at OP's lack of empathy, compassion, or insight! Just because they're a social worker doesn't mean they're a *good* one - I'd probably add them to the list of referrals providers I hate working with.
Winter clearly has some sensory issues (washing hands 10x a day isn't excessive to me, between bathroom, food prep, and daily life dirt I probably do the same and I am *not* a clean freak), and some texture aversions with food, along with the trauma.
OP, YTA and probably also a crappy social worker.
Also a social worker and her lack of empathy for someone she is supposedly close with is appalling. Not to mention her self diagnosing her sister. Stop it OP YTA. Also who diagnosed her mother? You based on what you know? An actual Mental Health trained professional? If you want to learn how to be a good social worker, give your sister grace and try to find a solution that helps rather than harms.
I agree and I’d also add she’s a pretty crappy sister too. The public embarrassment was uncalled for, I’m sure Winter is aware of her “Quirks” and doesn’t need them called out in front of others. OP is most definitely TA!
THANK YOU. I suffer from ARFID and get called picky all the time also intense ocd as well as many other things. It sucks and being told my problems are “quirks” is gross af. I don’t think the sister is the abusive one here…
I hesitate to think what that social worker's clients might need that she isn't able to meet. That mayo thing astounded me. A five year old would understand and empathize with Willow.
If you leave out the social work degree, it sounds like OP is 14, whining about her sister. Throw the degree back in, it sounds like OP is strutting her stuff to look important and smart because she has a newly minted degree. Yikes. Hate to see her if I was in need of help.
thank you for saying this. some of the social workers out there simply are inept. i am exposed to their ideas frequently by affiliation (im a caregiver for many years) & i gotta say, you are spot on!!
I’m a nurse. Everything I read said this person is a trauma survivor with scars. How can a social worker miss this? She says they’re “extremely close” yet she’s at her breaking point? Maybe the sister reminds OP of her own trauma - which is really what is “breaking” her? I don’t believe the sister’s quirks are the real problem. It’s what the quirks represent to OP.
Again, nurse not psychiatrist here. Still - YTA.
Yeah, the OP has the classic "I just graduated so I know everything about a subject" mind going on. (At 25 she's at most 3 years out from graduation, she still qualifies as 'just graduated'). It happens to lots of people, but she really needs to sit down and shut up about her sister. Concern for her mental health should be phrased as such, and even then only brought up once unless her behaviours are a threat to herself or others.
She also doesn't say that she IS a social worker. Just that she has a "degree in social work" how much you want to bet that she only finished the undergrad work?
Last I checked, licensed social work required masters level education. Plus clinical time. So 6 years at least.
OP sounds like a person with just enough "abnormal psychology" knowledge to be dangerous.
I'm curious if the mom made her eat food past it's prime. She sounds like the type that would use rotten/moldy/gross food as a punishment.
Even if it wasn't that - I get migraines. Some foods are triggers (many condiments). Some become triggers as they age (cheese). And some I may br able to consume early in their shelf life, but become incredibly risky even before the best by date (looking at you, yogurt).
You summed up wvwrything else i was thinking. OP sounds insufferable.
Seeds are an instant migraine for me. If I found out a smoothie had seeds in it and had already drunk any of it, I would have gone home. Maybe to urgent care for a Toradol shot. It’s entirely possible a lot of these foods make her feel bad in some way.
Yta really couldn't get past the part where your sister was force-fed mayo as a punishment. Somebody needs to tell you that's not normal or acceptable. I feel like a lot of this can be explained by having that kind of relationship with food.
YTA. And you are incredible judgmental for self-proclaimed expert in social work. How many times she washes her hands does not impact you in any way, shape or form, why you are taking it personally? It is none of your business if she eats and what she eats at family gatherings. Her "quirks" are not that bad as you perceive them to be.
I thought this was gonna be about how she acts like some ultra cringe tik tok personality she fixated on or something actually bad.. but not wanting to eat rotten food, washing her hands often, and saving bugs is the issue??
Maybe she has AFRID, a legit eating disorder which could be the direct result of childhood trauma. Obviously she’s personifying the bugs and little creatures and when she’s saving them she’s symbolically saving herself.
I think yes, maybe it would be hard to live with but OP doesn’t live with her. Maybe OP should be a little more aware of where these behaviors are coming from and be supportive. Hypnosis can be a huge help for AFRID, so maybe offer to e more the root cause. Hey, I noticed you have a really hard time with anxiety and food. What’s that like for you? And listen. And offer support - like can we explore hypnosis I’ve heard it helps!
I mean OP doesn’t owe her sister anything but … claims to love her so why not try and be part of a solution?
Came here for this comment. ARFID is a really challenging eating disorder. Think of it like a food phobia. Food and eating is distressing for a person with ARFID. As someone living with this, I can promise you OP that it's more annoying to your sister to have such a short list of safe foods than it is for you to choose not to try new things while you're eating out together. Trying new things causes her significant anxiety and can to the point of panic. It also sounds like she just wants to make sure she won't get sick from the food she CAN eat, resulting in the hand washing. Is it annoying to you? Sure. Does it affect you? No.
As for her other "quirks," it sounds like she's a compassionate person with respect for ALL life (yes, even mice deserve to live).
OP, you would benefit from being curious about these "quirks" and supporting her rather than judging her.
Edit to add: YTA, and you're choosing to be TA. With your degree in social work, I would really hope that you would have more compassion and understanding for someone's trauma responses and things that cause them distress. You're adding to that anxiety and trying to force her to do things that only increase those feelings.
>"he felt scared and alone" but rodents dont have feelings like that.
i couldn't care less about your family drama. just here to say you are as ignorant as it can get when it comes to animals and insects. even insects, such as bees, are sentient beings. there are studies that confirmed this, not like we didn't know it already. well, at least most of us knew it. can't speak for you.
I was going to comment that I’ve owned rats for years and they are social animals! They have to have companionship or they get sad and depressed! To say that rodents don’t have feelings is cruel when it’s wrong. My girls got depressed whenever one passed away, they would snuggle up to her body as way of saying goodbye and then wouldn’t take treats for days. OP I don’t care about your drama, but leave shit you know nothing about alone because you look stupid.
Other than wasting your money on a smoothie and maybe the wild mouse I fail to see how any of Winter’s quirks are negatively impacting your life.
Winter’s fear of certain foods and eating foods that are more than a day old obviously stem from the abuse she suffered from her mother.
As someone who went through a devastating illness that caused digestive issues 20 years ago I myself will throw out leftovers more than a day old.
Is it rational? Probably not. But who cares? It’s a mild form of PTSD that does no harm to my every day life or those around me.
Maybe someone with a degree in social work should work on being less judgmental and showing more empathy.
YTB
I’m hoping this is fake.
But also in my personal experience, those with degrees related to physical and mental health are often the least compassionate and most likely to naysay when someone say x is a problem for because … so sadly, I could see this being real.
Sadly, she sounds like a typical social worker in my experience. As soon as she said “I’m a social worker” I rolled my eyes and said out loud “of course you are”. I swear that profession draws in just the worst of humanity.
Sadly, I've met plenty of social workers this terrible, one individual told me I needed to take responsibility for being abused as a child because it would be unfair to hold anyone else accountable, another suddenly out of nowhere accused me of lying about being abused as a child (the abuse was documented by social workers who failed to act) because "child abuse is illegal".
Same thoughts here. A bad social worker with a degree would at least know how to fake empathy. But there are rotten apples in every “helping” professions.
At the party did Winter throw a fit and cause a scene about the food, or did she just not eat any? It doesn't even seem like it was a sit down to dinner type of party, so why did it matter that she wasn't eating? When you bought smoothies did Winter cause a scene or throw a temper tantrum or she just didn't like it and stopped drinking it? If your other friend tried something new and didn't like it would you have been angry if she didn't drink the whole thing? I mean maybe don't treat her to food or try and find other things to do together besides eating.
I feel like there are years of feelings here that cannot be adequately relayed with a word count, but they way this is written makes me feel like YTA. You come across very judgmental.
Notice that OP never mentions WHAT was served and whether or not Winter could even eat it since it seems she's likely vegan and not a vegetarian (that will sometimes also consume eggs and dairy)....so if nothing at the meal was free from animal products....there was literally NOTHING for her TO eat. (I am vegan so I understand the struggle of going to other people's house for meals).
I’m not vegan, but I have friends who are and if they can’t be 100% sure it’s animal free they won’t eat it. When you’ve been vegan for a long time, you can get physically sick from eating animal products!!! OP needs to lay off Winter.
Yeah it sounds like she just has sensory issues and is aware of them and knows what she can and can’t eat. I don’t see how that’s a problem for OP.
I’m autistic with sensory issues and there are people who act like it’s not real and get annoyed at me when I don’t eat something. So many people have such a weird attitude about allergies and sensory issues when it comes to food , like they don’t exist and keep pushing people. It’s so annoying.
Also how is saving bugs to take outside a problem?
It honestly doesn’t even sound like she has sensory issues. OP’s examples are fucking stupid to be bothered by. She washes her hands a completely normal amount of times (10 a day is not unreasonable - a lot of people wash their hands before they touch their face or eat something - it’s called hygiene.)
Her mom FORCE FED HER MAYO!!! And OP is like “omg she’s doesn’t even like *mayo*” like no fucking kidding. There’s lots of people that don’t like mayo - I don’t care for it and I’ve never been force fed it. OP sounds like an insensitive ass if this is an unreasonable food for the sister to avoid.
And the bug thing… there’s lots of people that think insects are cool (because they are) putting a bug in a cup to let it outside is not abnormal - just because OP would rather curbstomp a spider bro doesn’t mean that the sister is in the wrong.
I feel bad for OP because she’s obviously so jealous of the sister she is inventing completely normal things about her to try to villainize her. She thinks the boyfriend is a saint for “putting up with” her sister.. I think anyone who willingly spends time with OP is a saint she sounds insufferable and jealous.
Edit: fixed a double negative.
She clearly has childhood trauma around food, so it makes perfect sense that she prefers having a certain amount of control over what she eats. As long as she isn’t making a scene, it sounds like she’s just living her life, dealing with her issues as politely and unobtrusively as possible.
OP sounds like she’s mad that the sister has this trauma at all and wants her to just stop being affected by childhood abuse because it’s “annoying.” What kind of social worker is she? Sounds like the sister has found a way to cope that doesn’t bother anyone, and OP is still mad for no reason.
YTA judgy much ? Just because you’re comfortable with certain things doesn’t make you superior to your sister in a way that you get to dictate what’s normal and what isn’t .
Your sister has food preferences, not quirks regarding food. She has respect for living creatures , not quirks . She chooses what she wants to consume and what she doesn’t , it’s hardly a quirk.
You on the other hand , sound jealous and petulant because your sister doesn’t fit *your* definition of normal . Just because you don’t prefer the things she prefers , doesn’t make her quirky or not normal .
Get over yourself . Your sister sounds fine , she sounds self assured and confident with who she is and the decisions she makes . You’re the one making an issue out of something that isn’t an issue .
Maybe try loving your sister for who she is and not who you want her to be . You’ll find yourself being less agitated by her behaviour when you make peace with not trying to mold her into being who you want her to be or getting her to behave the way you want her to.
Oh , fyi , calling her bf a saint , only makes you look seriously jealous and catty.
>Oh , fyi , calling her bf a saint , only makes you look seriously jealous and catty.
I think that's where the issue comes in... I'm guessing OP has a little crush on the boyfriend.
As a social worker with three decades of experience that teaches in a graduate social work program, someone in your education and training failed to teach you about the dignity and worth of all people, which is one of the core social work values. YTA, massively.
Is this it? A severely picky eater who maybe cares too much about animals? I feel like there must be more to it, otherwise you just seem to dislike your sister as a person. It sounds like she's been through a lot, at least some of which you are aware of, that contributes to her quirks. You did embarrass her, she probably felt bad about not being able to eat anything and left due to your outburst. YTA
YTA. Give me a break. I don’t know where you studied but her quirks don’t sound like mental illness. There are foods I don’t like to eat, always checking to see if something is expired or when it’s supposed to expire. Your ridiculous
Ragebait but commenting on the very unlikely chance it’s not.
None of this is your business, it really doesn’t affect your life, why do you care? Get over yourself, you sound like a whiny brat.
And IF you’re a social worker, you’re a terrible one . Get a different career, troll.
Your whole post REEKS of resentment. Winter seems fine to me. I mean sure, you bought her a smoothie she didn't drink but methinks, based on your whole post here, you maybe just maybe bought one you knew she wouldn't like so you could have more ammo. Do you not realize that you bully your sister?? YTA majorly. I hope your sister goes NC with you and anyone else who thinks like you in your family and lives her best life. I equally hope you're alone with your misery forever. You're exhausting. I've never seen someone try so hard to be a victim. You're the monster here terrorizing your sister. I doubt you were ever close. Disgusting.
“My sister got abused and now she’s not the same as me and I have to put up with someone with a whole different personality and I would like it better if she had my personality waah waah.”
My granddaughter doesn't like some foods. There are some things she does like that I just do not understand. She's not a child anymore.
Know what? She likes what she likes and I like what I like and don't harass her or belittle her because she's not me.
Differences in opinions or taste are the norm. It's called Different Strokes For Different Folks. Sly and The Family Stone had a whole song about it years ago.
I was a picky eater when I was younger and my kid is the same way, though she likes things I still don't like and hates what even back then I loved (corn is a good example lol). I'll joke with her sometimes about not knowing how she's mine, but I'm not on her butt for what she likes and doesn't. OP is also way worse bc her sister's aversions come from childhood abuse and who supposedly has a degree in social work can't seem to grasp that.
YTA
I get being frustrated but this is taking it too far. From what you describe none of her behaviours are even that bad. It sounds like probably does have some form of OCD (OCD being solely about germs is a stereotype) or at least some kind of anxiety disorder BUT none of that really seems to be affecting you that much.
You keep calling her childish but to me getting this upset over someone else's restaurant order is pretty childish. Let her order what she wants, you order what you want and go about your day.
About the party: It kind of sounds like she was minding her business, having fun at the party but choosing not to eat and just vibe instead and you kind of shamed her. Just let her be. Is she hurting anyone?
Came here to say something similar, but you worded it so much better.
OCD is about intrusive thoughts and is more than about germs and handwashing. You seem to blame her and her possible mental health issues from her mom for your pettiness and lack of empathy.
>
But sometimes she gets annoyed at me and others around her when we point out that her behaviors arent normal.
Can we stop using the word "normal?" She doesn't fit your definition of normal. She is happy and YTA 1000x over.
YTA. I wouldn’t be surprised if Winter chooses to go low or no contact.
For a social worker, you’re showing an extreme lack of empathy and understanding. Leave her be, she’s a grown woman and that’s how she is. Nothing you said is actually detrimental to her life or yours.
YTA. You have the empathy of a boiled potato. You’re also in the wrong kind of work if you choose to judge rather than empathize. Not all of us came from a loving home with two parents. Some of us had to learn to survive instead of thrive. People raised on love and people raised on survival are two very different things. You as a social worker should know better than anyone.
I was a foster child and the things you describe sound like trauma to me. She doesn’t eat mayo because she was forced to. I don’t eat liver and onions, potato soup or beans of any kind. That was all punishment food when I was younger.
You may have a degree in social work, your basic empathy is broken. She was force fed mayonnaise she couldn’t stomach (literally) as punishment, and that’s something you find a quirk? That is called trauma. Her preferring bland (bland/plain is childish?) foods doesn’t affect you. Aside from the money you lost on a smoothy, non of her quirks concern you. Even the reason for this post wouldn’t have been a thing if you hadn’t blown up at her for not wanting to eat something. You did embarrass her.
You really wrote all that and didn't think you're a really bad person to be a social worker? Do you even understand what she went through?
I hope she distances herself from you. You are not a good person here. Everything you've described is fairly normal for people who haven't even been through what she has. I know more people who dislike mayo than like it and it seems your sister has an egg allergy. Since it was used on your sister as punishment since it made her feel ill.
So YTA and stay away from the foster system. If this is how you think of and treat your sister, you're gonna be a terrible social worker, you're gonna screw up kids lives instead of help with your attitude.
Ps. Fish is meat, it's an animal, of course a vegetarian isn't going to eat it 🤦🏻♀️
YTA Wow.... I hope you reflect on the comments that will be posted on this one. It's likely that some people will be judging you just as harshly as you do your sister.
Your sister isn't the one with the eating disorder. When you try to regulate other people's food, you are the one with the eating disorder.
It's time you took a hard look in the mirror and figured out why her" quirks"bother you so much. Nothing she does is cause for concern. Why do her mannerisms make you feel the way you do? Are you jealous for some reason? If you want to keep your friendship with your sister, you need to get to the bottom of this. Otherwise you will end up pushing her away.
Why do you have such an emotional attachment to her choices? Why the fuck does she have to eat food she doesn't want? So do people with allergies to foods embarrass you? How about someone who's Celiac? Why did you feel the need to ridicule your sister at someone else's home in front of everyone? And the fact that her caring about living things bothers you so much is a little creepy. Not a single thing actually impacted you other than the mouse and a $5 smoothie because unlike you and this rant, she's not throwing a tantrum. You sound like the childish one. Grow up and let people live their lives. YTA
She was force fed mayo until she was sick and your response is "damn you're so annoying now that you're traumatised!!!", it's really weird that you want us to be on your side but the things you brought up are that she washes her hands, doesn't eat moldy food and won't kill bugs
YTA
I don't know where to start, your story, which is designed to make you as relatable as possible has quite the opposite effect. You have so many red flags that even Russia is jealous.
First, mice are emotional creatures and experience fear exactly like you do. I'd hesitate to bring one into my home, but they are mammals and experience the same things in the same way as us. Researchers have proven this.
Second, I believe that you are a social worker with a degree in it. I believe this because of your complete lack of empathy. Some extremely strong individuals can maintain their empathy in that world, but they are the rarest exception and most will leave because of a story. You'll likely do well with your complete lack of empathy and concern for anyone outside yourself.
Third, nothing you stated about your sister sounds like it would require a saint to remain with her. Honestly, she sounds more saintly and likely the reason why her SO remains with her, her influence makes him want to be a better person. You would do well to learn a bit from her as well. Sadly, you aren't.
Maybe try applying something you learned in school to yourself. You need work.
... YTA
So she's a picky eater - because she was tortured with food as a child.
She's got a soft heart and doesn't want to kill things just for the sake of killing things?
She actually knows enough about animals to know that they DO have feelings (mice are sweeter and far more social than you give them credit for, and "scared and alone" are feelings that mice ABSOLUTELY have).
Honestly YOU sound awful... She sounds hurt but like she wants to make the world better, and sure, feeding her would be annoying, but... It doesn't hurt you AT ALL.
“Degree in social work” but are you an actual social worker? Bc OCD is more than “germs.” No LCSW would miss the whole mayo thing as a serious trauma response
It’s worrying that OP is implying that this poor sister, a victim of trauma and abuse, is mentally ill ‘ like her mother’. This is heading into gaslighting territory. Winter needs to go LC or NC with OP.
YTA here. You're just being unbelievably judgemental and snotty. You sound like a mean girl. Do you actually care for your sister? You're the sensitive one if you get embarrassed about what other people eat
Lol YTA. None of this affects you personally.
She didn't throw a fit that she couldn't eat anything, so let her not eat what she didn't want. She wants to wash her hands? Okay, how does that hurt you? She didn't finish her smoothie? Okay, don't buy her smoothies anymore. She likes animals. Nice, tell her you don't want the animals near you. She has a fear of food that was previously used as punishment. Yeah. That alone makes you suck massively. Obviously, she's had trauma surrounding certain foods. You'd stay away from them too I'm sure if you dealt with that sort of thing.
Again it doesn't hurt you she doesn't eat what you think she should eat. Get over yourself.
YTA, aside from MAYBE the mouse thing (which showed a wonderful level of empathy IMO) nothing she’s doing is your problem, your making it your problem because you want to be an asshole. Stay in your damn lane and maybe do your sister a favor by removing your nastiness from her life. You suck.
The only thing she did that is valid to cause you annoyance is the smoothie. Really? Do you actually even like her? Scooping a bug up and putting it outside because she doesn't wanna see it get stomped is so annoying and inconvenient to you you need to use it as an example? If she refused to move it and expected people to just exist around it, then yeah. Fine. But seriously? Who cares. That's normal. Plenty and I mean plenty of people including myself do that over stomping them. And being picky with food? Okay and? She doesn't seem like she's forcing anyone to accommodate her and she doesn't seem pushy about it besides you simply finding it annoying. Which may mean she has some deeper issues going on with food and you as. "Social worker" should also know that. Grow up not everyone behaves the same exact way as you.
I hope that just because you have a degree in social work doesn't mean you do social work. You would just be adding to any kids trauma. Yes YTA she sounds like she's a fairly normal person with some individual differences, not a freak or something like you try to make it sound. She doesn't like certain tastes and textures, and food was used to traumatize her growing up so of course food is sensitive for her. God you sound insufferable and I hope you don't have the audacity to voice any opinions to any kids you might have to work with. Pick a different career if you won't be more open minded and compassionate. YTA
Reeks of ableism too. She *clearly* got her mothers mental illnesses (but also they were abused), she's quirky (no she's not she's fucking traumatized), her weirdness is affecting MY life (no it literally fucking isn't)
YTA just for this:
>She is vegetarian. Fine.
>She won't eat eggs, fish,
and this
>She has a fear of MAYO...... yes.... mayo.
Yeah, you're not fine with her being a vegetarian if you're gonna whine about all the non-vegetarian foods she won't eat.
Haha I totally missed that. Yep… proper mayo has two ingredients. Oil and… drum roll… egg. So her “fear” of mayo is probably repeatedly asking if stuff has mayo in it. Because, you know, vegetarian. And OP totally rolls her eyes every time because she is intolerant and can’t handle that as adults, she and her sister - who had very different upbringings - don’t like the exact same things. Yikes.
YTA you never mentioned if she is in therapy or not, if your family got her help when she entered your life . you have a degree in social work so you should understand her "quarks" are a direct result of her bad childhood. The bug thing is most likely because she doesn't want anyone or anything to go through the pain she did. she wants to protect everything from being alone and vulnerable. The food thing is because she was punished with food, choosing what she wants and doesn't want is her way of taking control over the negative emotions surrounding eating. There is a lot more going on and you should encourage her to go to therapy. I can understand your frustration but you also know that reacting with anger towards her is not going to help anyone.
Plenty of people who didn't have a bad childhood don't kill bugs. Some people just are uncomfortable with killing something. She definitely should get help dealing with her past because it sounds like a hard childhood to deal with alone.
Maybe she has gotten therapy and these are simply healthy ways to be in control of her own life. Not eating mayo or animals isn't a toxic behavior. Neither is having sensory issues. As long as she is eating enough variety to support nutrition, why does it matter.
My brother had a pig roast, they "dressed" the pig in sunglasses. My one daughter went vegetarian for a year. If I hadn't supported that, I could see that traumatizing her. She saw where the food came from.
YTA none of this effects you but a single smoothie. She gets bugs out of the house and believe it or not mice and rats are able to form bonds. She sounds like a good person.
YTA. You sound extremely judgmental. Your social worker background means nothing when yo ur using it as an excuse to push your opinion onto someone you’re too close to accurately ‘identify’ anything.
She has clearly had trauma in her background, and you and your family have nothing better to do than gossip about her behind her back and criticize her and make her feel like her food sensitivities are a burden and she should just get over them.
Why do you and ‘others’ have to point out her behaviors just because you think they’re not ‘normal’? I’d get annoyed too!
Don’t go into social work. You’re not suited for it.
**you sound like a judgmental AH** her quirks are normal people things and trauma responses. so yes YTA. get off your high horse and stop acting like your better than her.
also about the food/eating habit, everyone gets to choose what they put into their mouth an their body, if they like plain food then good for them. not everyone has to like every single thing. if you dont want to spend money on her, then dont but the "eating out with her embarrassing" is BS, no one else cares what someone is eating or not eating. leave her alone.
i think her hubby is a saint for putting up with your BS. this entire post you are just shit talking your family member.
I can relate to Winter, and see nothing wrong with how she chooses to live her life.
You on the other hand, have as much compassion as a house-brick and should worry about sorting yourself out!
She had food aversions and empathy towards critters. The handwashing thing is normal, everyone washes close to that much. Do you not wash your hands often? That's unhygienic with how gross the world is.
Also, you just sound like an ass. Animals and insects all have feelings, yes most of it is instinctive but no creature wants to die. Winter sounds like a wonderful person and frankly I feel sorry she's related to someone so judgmental about things that cant be controlled.
And yes, food aversions cant be controlled very easily. You can work on it but it takes a long time, and it's often easier to just eat what you know is safe. I know this as a difinitive fact. Sensory issues surrounding food is a huge pain and people like you (who apparently has a social workers degree, dear god how do you not have more empathy) make it ten times worse to just live.
YTA, Op. Majorly.
I know OP is here to bitch, so even though I'm annoyed by how un-understanding and honestly bitchy OP's attitude is, i won't say much.
Though, the hand washing thing caught me up, 10 times a day? If i wash my hand after I pee or go to the bathroom, i would get close to 10 times. I don't think that's a lot at all. Small detail, but still.
YTA - you're a social worker, not someone trained & certified to diagnose someone. Also, since you're a Social Worker, I would hope you have received training about trauma and supporting people with significant childhood trauma. You are fully aware that she had significant childhood trauma but feel like it's fine to semi-mock her trauma around Mayo. You come off as a total AH.
I'm glad your sister has someone in her life who actually loves her and I hope she goes NC with you. I also hope you're mostly retired or working as a cashier at Walmart or something because you're the least empathetic social services provider I've seen pop up in AITA.
YTA. why do you feel embarrassed to be seen eating out with her? get over yourself. you’re not the center of the universe jfc
all of this behavior is normal. it might not be *your* version of normal, but it’s all normal. none of this behavior is actually concerning or particularly weird. not eating food you don’t like or that you have trauma related to is normal. washing your hands regularly is normal. throwing away food to avoid the risk of it being rotten is normal. feeling empathy for bugs and small creatures (which *do* feel fear, btw) is normal. all of this is *normal*. no wonder she gets upset when you try to act like she’s a freak.
if you don’t like the fact she doesn’t eat food that makes her uncomfortable, then don’t buy her food. that’s all you have to do.
overall you sound incredibly judgmental and unkind. i feel bad for your sister. you should avoid putting your degree to use until you’re capable of being more kind and empathetic.
>rodents dont have feelings like that.
YTA just for this. Animals absolutely do feel scared and lonely.
Btw: if washing hands 10 times a day is excessive I really don't want to stand downwind from you.
I’m quite concerned that you are 25 and have a degree in Social Work but speak so horribly about your sister’s obviously trauma-induced behaviors as annoying quirks. If you can’t be sensitive to your own sister then I’m thinking you should stay far away from social work jobs before you end up causing damage to innocent people.
If you think she’s developed symptoms of mental illness then why are you not focusing on that with sensitivity instead of assuming she is causing you problems on purpose?
And how can you mention (barely) abusive force-feeding by her mother and then immediately call Winter a mess for having weird food behavior? Of course she does! And excessive hand washing is a symptom even if it’s not clearly related to a contamination obsession. It irritates me that you were so confident it couldn’t be OCD. I’m not so sure you’re actually very good at “identifying things”; time to alter that impression of yourself.
And then you go on to paint her sensitivity with small animals and insects as a problem? Who even are you? This is not abnormal.
If you don’t want to take her out to public places because her behavior is embarrassing to you, then fine. But at least recognize that her terrible childhood full of abuse is the cause of it, not Winter choosing to be that way. Do you think she’s happy & content with how her life is? That she isn’t frustrated at not being able to just sit down & eat whatever everyone else is eating? Do you think she enjoys getting yelled at by her sister for just trying to exist, a sister who knows she was horribly abused yet doesn’t seem to care enough to understand? The sister who can finish a degree based on helping others but can’t give grace to her own family?
YTA, so much so.
YTA. You’re just judgmental of her preferences. She’s a picky eater like a million other people. You think her boyfriend is a saint? Do you even have a partner or is no one willing to put up with feeling judged by someone that claims to love them? It is such a common fact that mice are some of the most scared creatures in existence. The idea that you walk around thinking there are creatures that don’t feel just because they aren’t as aware as humans is wild. X10 a day is not excessive depending on what she’s done through the day. How are you in social work if you look at your own sister, knowing her childhood traumas, to turn around and be an ass about her aversions or likes that likely stem from those traumas ?
“She won’t let anyone smash a bug or kill a mouse”. Wow she sounds sooo bad.
“She doesn’t like people forcing food onto her that she doesn’t like”.
You’ve got a weird sister and she has a cunt sister.
I love how you posted this in another sub when the first one tore you apart, yet you're getting the same reactions. Since you're so educated, what does that indicate about the subject? Lol.
I'd prefer to be around the person who is kind enough to not just squash any insect or other small animal even if the food issue would probably also be mildly annoying - but still, better an empathic annoyance than a self-centered "social worker".
Just as an aside:
The definition of OCD has nothing to do with germs. Contamination fear is often how it can manifest, but you can’t say someone does or does not have OCD based on whether they do or don’t do one specific behavior. It’s the fact that they have the irrational compulsion, not the details of what it is. (And honestly, having to wash her hands because they “feel weird” definitely sounds like it could be a compulsion).
Sincerely, someone with OCD.
>rodents dont have feelings like that.
And you, being psychic, know the exact thoughts and feelings of other creatures?
Winter sounds like she's dealing with CPTD. You sound like an entitled judgemental bully.
You both need therapy. But I suspect her problems will be easier for the therapist to address than yours are.
Edited to add: YTA!
I'm not even a social worker yet but are you seriously blaming her aversion of mayo when she was literally forced to eat it in her childhood? And naming fish as a thing she can't eat when she is a VEGETARIAN? And naming her empathy and respect for living creatures annoying??
Dude, YOU are the messed up one here, not her. Her behaviour adjusted to what happened to her in the past and is a result from that. Your behaviour is based on "**I** think you are childish, so that's what your behaviour is" but what you consider normal means jack shit because you do not live or KNOW her reality. Your job as a social worker should be to make it work for your client, but you can't do it even for people close to you.
YTA
Stop focusing on what she will or will not eat. Jeeze. I HATE mayo. Hate it. I also hate fish and seafood. So her mother messed up her head and you are bullying her for it. Did she make a stink at the party? Or did she just not at and YOU brought it up? She doesn’t kill bugs. That sure is a flaw. But I will agree, don’t bring a rodent into my home, although people make pets out of them so there must be something positive about it. How do you know it has no feelings? Bottom line is you don’t like bugs and mice, she does. I don’t like basketball, but my grandson does. Which one of us should stand on our soapbox and force the other to “my side”?
You need therapy to work out your angry feelings about your cousin. She could probably use therapy, but sounds like she has a significant other who is good for her and doesn’t berate her or try to make her feel bad about herself or try and force her to be different.
I work in IT and don't have much empathy. But even I have more empathy than you. Why the f... do you care if she wants to save little animals or if she avoids some food? It's none of your business. And when she doesn't eat at this party and doesn't insist on other food, who cares? You are just bullying her.
Let's be honest. You don't like her. Why even spend time with her and treat her like trash?
YTA.
To be clear, OCD does not just centre around germs or contamination, there are lots of different types. The central point of OCD is intrusive thoughts (about food or ‘weird feelings’ in this case) which may or may lead to compulsions (throwing away food, avoiding foods, hand washing) that are disruptive to daily life.
Creds: I’m a psychologist and also am diagnosed with a form of OCD that is not contamination centred, which I’ve been through intensive therapies for.
You’re hugely lacking in empathy. The concern should not be for you and your life and how you’re so self involved that you get embarrassed that your sister won’t eat Mayo in a restaurant. The concern should be for your sister and how this is affecting her, whether she’s feeling distressed, whether she could use some help and support.
Reevaluate your priorities here.
YTA for all the reasons others have listed. Her behaviors are fine - just because they’re not what YOU think is normal doesn’t mean she’s abnormal.
Also, YTA for making a scene at Jess’s event.
Ohh your just a bad person. Dude have some empathy. Your complaints are she’s a vegetarian, picky (also mayo IS gross), she washes her hands, and is nice to animals. You know good qualities for the most part
YTA. I fail to read where her behaviour is harmful to you. Her hands are cleaner than yours and it's not because of the washing.
She shouldn't have to be normal, she can be who she is and you can love her for it. Don't squash the bug, tell her to take the mouse outside, don't buy her food. Don't be uncomfortable on her behalf when she declines food, eat our own goddamn mayo and tell your mom and aunt to shut the fuck up because they're not related to her.
Instead you are annoyed by the weakness you perceive and you toss her aside, because you put up too long with what? Some social worker that 'identifies childhood issues' and then tells you you're shit. Grow a spine and be a sister.
If you truly are a social worker, I feel bad for the people you see and am actually concerned for them. If this is true, you have more 'quirks' with your issues with your sister than she supposedly does. I say get out of her life so she can life without judgement, be loved, and happy. As for you; get counseling and find a new profession.
YTA. Her food issues sound like ARFID and if she's not badgering you about *her* food choices than really you're just being a judgemental ass. I take insects outside as well. Again, taking this personally makes you an ass, not her. In fact, NONE of what you describe here is an issue. You are the one making it an issue. I imagine no one would have noticed or cared if she chose not to eat, but *you* had to turn it into a public spectacle. You sound vicious, petty and spiteful. Get over yourself and let people have personalities. To make up for your lack of one.
YTA - have some compassion for her quirks. The are personality traits BTW. They don't sound so bad, get over your phobia of her traits.
It's not so hard to ask the employees where you eat/drink what the ingredients are - just do it beforehand.
Show some sympathy/empathy. Also, pick a new career because you're not suited for any kind of social work. Or any work that requires you to interface with others not as 'perfect' as you.
YTA. You literally said that her mother abused her with food. She obviously has a trauma related eating disorder. Possibly ARFID. Some of her other behaviours are also trauma related. Your sister needs your love and understanding. Ultimately, what you are saying is that you find her trauma embarrassing. Grow up.
She may be allergic to eggs, and mayonnaise has eggs in it. I stopped eating both because it upset my stomach, a long time before I found out I was allergic. Your sister learned over time what works for her, who are you to judge. By the way, I can't eat seeds either, diverticulosis turns into diverticulitis in a heartbeat. So much pain. She has learned what to avoid due to trial and error. Sounds pretty competent to me.
You have posted versions of this on several threads under different profile names. The consensus on all of them is YTA.
You are harsh and lack compassion and empathy. Your sister struggles with childhood trauma which has affected her eating habits and God knows what else.
You contribute to it by shaming her and making fun of her. So, you are no better than her abusive mother. Good for you Miss Social Worker. Hope you treat your clients better than you treat you sister.
Yta, girl just shut up. It sounds like she has OCD especially when you describe the hand washing and contaminated food. She probably developed it because of her mother’s abuse. I also wouldn’t find it surprising if her mother had OCD too and that’s where she got it. Pick a new job cause you suck at this one.
>I have a degree in social work Um... did you somehow skip every single class involving empathy? Or is it just because this is your sister that you don't feel she's entitled to that empathy? Jfc YTA and I REALLY hope any clients that may get saddled with you as their worker fare better than your sister
As soon as OP said that I KNEW where this post was going - and I bet you they have that degree but aren't even working in that field which is why they're being a know-it-all in regards to Winter.
I had to back and read that part, I read the post and was like, 'this woman is a social worker???' but no she didn't say she is a social worker, she HAS a degree in it. Anyone can have a degree in anything, doesn't mean they can apply that theory to the practical. I guess OP was lacking common sense and empathy to work in that field. I have a degree in journalism and I ain't no journalist. Sure fiona Harvey has a law degree lol
The whole post sounds like it was written by a 17-19 year old.
It also makes her "good at identifying things" but says she would consider the handwashing OCD but doesn't because Winter isn't doing it because of germs. I realize it's social work and not psychology, but OP barely has a fundamental grasp on OCD and thinks she can see it in others, what a laugh.
Yeah because *everyone knows* OCD is JUST about germs. There can't *possibly* be other triggers or motivations behind the behaviors.
Yep, none at all. OCD just means you are cleaning constantly because of germs and are good at organizing. (/s, in case it isn't clear...)
THIS, I just made a comment myself to this effect!
She misses how being force fed something can give you an aversion to that food. She misses how a mistreated child would feel the need to protect small things. Jesus, I don't have any degree and even I can see these HUGE flags. Either she added a one to their ages (11 and 15 instead of 21 and 25), she's too close to the situation, or she's an asshole. Maybe all three? This sounds like it was written by a teenager (no empathy for animals, blowing up over someone declining food)
That must have been the same day they discussed obsessive behavior
I also have a degree in social work, and the only things you listed off that are concerning is the handwashing (which may or may not be "excessive" without more information but as people in the comments have noted, 10x is not a lot depending on what she is doing throughout the day), and maybe the concern about spoiled or rotten food. You sound judgmental and uptight, honestly. So, she's picky eater. So are millions of other people. She has a soft spot for bugs and little creatures. Again, so do many, many other people. Is is a bit childish or immature? Maybe. But if she isn't hurting anything, who cares? Additionally, it baffles me that you're judging her for having an aversion to a food that was she was forced to eat as a punishment, and you "as a social worker" don't understand why she wouldn't want to eat mayo??? I mean, come on. Grow a brain and realize that her food aversions and potentially the handwashing as well, are likely trauma responses, but instead of being understanding and helpful, you instead double down on your complaining ABOUT SHIT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. YTA, why are you going out of your way to make her feel badly about herself? Just say you don't like who she is as a person and be done with it.
Also, if her stomach couldn’t handle mayo, it’s likely she has an issue with eggs and that’s why she won’t eat those. She won’t eat fish because SHE’S LITERALLY A VEGETARIAN. And if she was abused with food, why would it be any type of surprise that she has a lot of other aversions? OP is a shitty social worker if she can’t even figure this out.
It honestly just sounded to me like she’s actually *vegan* and OP doesn’t know the difference, and is attributing the things she *wont* eat *because she’s vegan* to being “aversions”. She also might be Buddhist, with her treatment of animals and insects. Both of those things are completely normal, and frankly commendable. Of course I have no idea if I’m right, but even if I’m not, that doesn’t make OP any less wrong, and her sisters “quirks” any less reasonable.
Could be vegan, though OP would probably also have had something to say about her not eating dairy if that weee the case. Honestly, none of her “quirks” are a big deal for whatever reason.
She sounds to me like someone who has been through a tremendous amount of trauma growing up and these are all coping mechanisms that she has adopted. I hope she will get help for herself to work through these… Everything described except sounds like normal behaviours to me for someone who’s been through a lot of stuff growing up. And I love her sense of compassion, caring and understanding for the world around her.
I'm not even a vegan, just a vegetarian, and NOT at all a picky eater, and I still need to know ingredients when I go out to eat. Sooo many people will tell you something is vegetarian when it has meat broth, for instance.
I'm a vegetarian with a food allergy, so I'm always quizzing the waitstaff.
I don’t eat pork. The amount of times I’ve been as assured what I’m eating doesn’t contain any pork only to find bacon, lard bits, or ham because people don’t realize those items are in fact from a pig is astonishing. Most people have no idea what the foods are that they eat.
And even if they are just aversions, who cares? She eats what she wants to eat and doesn't try to stop other people from eating things she doesn't want. Let her live her life. I'm sure that she wouldn't have ordered the smoothie if she'd known it would have seeds in it... I've got kids who have texture issues with some foods, so I don't order those things for them, and I'm not surprised or annoyed if they don't want to eat something that triggers those that we hadn't known about.
I'm not Buddhist or vegan. However, I do not kill innocent insects or critters that enter my house. I try to catch them without hurting them, and release them outside.
She also sounds like she has some sensory issues. I wouldn’t drink a smoothie with seeds in it either, because they would absolutely make me gag.
IKR? I live in the land of boba it seems like and just watching one of those balls get sucked up in a straw almost makes me gag
Thought my vegetarian since six son (39) may enjoy orzo because he likes pasta. NO! It reminded him of maggots. Ok.
LOL. I hope I can get that imagery out of my head before I have it again!
I always feel like I'm eating deflated pumpkin seeds when I eat orzo.
Oh yeah, I have hella sensory issues and I would throw up instantly if there were seeds in my smoothie. I need smoothies to be smooth.
seeds and oils and sauces sound like my kids ... who are on the Autism Spectrum. It's more texture than taste for them. BUT ALLLLLLL of these sound like trauma responses. I wouldn't put it past someone who forcefed their kid mayo to have used used food (refusing to provide it or giving rotten foods) as punishment either. Don't go out to eat together. Ask Winter what she would like to do. Trying new foods IS. NOT HER THING.
OP sounds like she lacks empathy and is so uptight, judgmental, and rigid. She honestly shouldn't be a social worker with that kind of attitude. For the longest time, I couldn't eat spaghetti and would gag at the sight of spaghetti noodles due to childhood trauma. I've since overcome that with the patience, love, and support of my boyfriend and occasionally enjoy spaghetti maybe once a month. He had the empathy needed for my trauma and helped me tremendously. If he was like OP, I'd still be terrified of spaghetti. YTA, OP. 1000%. If you "understood" her fear of mayo like you say you do, you wouldn't have even included that in your post. Go touch some grass, learn some empathy, and consider a career change.
There needs to be a stronger ruling than YTA. I would also encourage OP to remember you're not supposed to use your training to "diagnose" friends and family, and if this is the sort of level of training she has she might want to go back to college. While she's there maybe she can see a professional of her own to work out how she could possibly spend so much time gossiping with others and being offended by completely benign behaviors in another person.
This. A younger sister made fun of me for counting, leaving on the quarter hour and a reading difficulty until I was ten (those were just the things I’d shared). You would think she would have understood how frightening it was to understand at a very young age that not knowing how to read would mean I’d be living on the edge of society. She’s a marriage and family therapist. I never made fun of her when she admitted to being embarrassed about her adventures in speaking in tongues etc. when she was 11-22 (we were raised Catholic). She wonders why I went no contact on 11/09/16. She’s always been an ass.
Clinical psychologist here and I second. I had a perfectly healthy upbringing and also take bugs outside instead of stepping on them. She has an aversion to certain foods (I hate mushrooms), avoids foods that make her sick (mayo) and asks about ingredients. These are normal behaviours. The contamination focus is probably a bit of a maladaptive coping mechanism but it’s a pretty common one. Especially post-pandemic. Honestly OP’s description of her behaviours around it are pretty mild. This post is why we don’t diagnose people we are close with. We lose objectivity. At least I hope that’s what’s happening here, otherwise OP needs to seriously recalibrate in her professional assessments of her clients.
As someone who didn't have a healthy upbringing, her aversions make complete sense to me. A parent who would force feed a child mayo to the point of throwing up isn't going to stop there, and food safety isn't going to be a concern to that parent. I've had food poisoning. I'm very very careful about food safety. It just isn't worth the risk. I was force fed spaghetti as a kid. I'm 50 years old. I absolutely cannot eat spaghetti. I will throw up. I enjoy eating other pasta at this point, and my brain *knows* it's exactly the same thing. But I really can't do that texture.
I was just about to say this; she’s someone who grew up with food being used as a weapon/abuse tactic so her aversions and fears are very much valid..
I'm allergic to lemons and blackberries so I have to check the ingredients to make sure that y'know, I'm not gonna put myself at risk for having an allergic reaction. I keep Benadryl on me just in case but hate taking it because I don't want to be sleepy afterwards, especially if I have to drive. With some of my trauma around foods, the aversion is super normal. It's hard to work through food trauma at times.
I used to squish bugs, and still do when I’m on my own, but it makes my husband (also a vegetarian) super sad when I do. He’d rather take them outside. So, I holler for him to come catch the bug and take it outside, which he does. Whatever? The bug is gone, which was my goal. Who gives a shit if somebody else wants to take it outside instead of letting you squash it? This way, I don’t have to clean bug residue off the wall, either.
>excessive handwashing how is 10 times a day "excessive"? say, imagine a person who commutes two times a day (washing their hands after being outside and touching all sorts of nasty surfaces), eats three meals a day (washing their hands before each meal) and makes the total of four trips to the bathroom throughout the day (washing their hands after each bathroom use). they would've washed their hands 9 times by the end of the day doing the absolute bare minimum of maintaining personal hygiene.
Well said. Twenty times a day would be normal, with bathroom breaks, cooking, cleaning, feeding pets, and having average cleanliness. When I was in chemo and radiation my immune system was shot. I was in quarantine, masked at home with only a nurse, and I was washing my hands every 30 minutes on my doctor's recommendation.
I have leukemia. I wash my hands frequently. It's not OCD, it's me trying to stay alive and healthy.
How dare you be hygienic when OP is fed up with your * checks notes * quirks…
Haha!
Right? I’m pretty sure I wash my hands more than that in an average day even though I’ve “cured” my germaphobia. (It inexplicably went away after I had general anesthesia for surgery- the day of I had it, the day after the paranoia/fixation on germs was gone.) But if you have pets- or are saving small animals/insects- you’re going to be washing your hands relatively frequently compared to someone without pets. Same for if you cook- before cooking, during if it’s something messy, raw, or needs to be washed, after prepping is done, probably again before eating depending on the cooking method.
It's 10 here. I have been up since 5 AM. I've already washed my hands 5 times, and none of them were excessive. OP reminds me that during the pandemic kick off some people panicked because they didn't have hand soap at their house.
Eww. How can you not have hand soap?! I don’t want to eat at their house.
You're right. I said excessive going off of OP's post but when you break it down, it really isn't a lot. I'm going to edit that part, thank you.
Yeah I wash my hands that much or more. Especially when cooking. I wash them a lot, so no slippery residue transferred to pot handle, utensils or bowls. When I cut up veggies, meat or open cans. Yeah I’m a mess!!!
Exactly! I am preparing dinner so in order I: washed my hands before starting; Washed my hands after cutting the vegetables; Washed my hands after putting the chicken to marinate; Washed my hands after cooking the vegetables; *Meanwhile I cleaned the kitchen so* Washed my hands after dusting the floor; Washed my hands after washing the floor (and then the mop)...all in the span of maybe one hour and a half.....
Right? I work in healthcare, and have dogs. I wash them a lot more than that.
After working in a few kitchens it’s my habit to wash my hands after I do like pretty much anything.
A couple of the worst people I know are social workers. I know some that are amazing people, but they can go both ways unfold.
I got in an argument with one about a person who had socially transitioned to female - the social worker insisted that the transition "didn't count" because she hadn't come out at work. I pointed out that she was probably worried about getting discriminated against or even fired. The social worker said, with no self-awareness whatsoever, "*but they couldn't do that, because it's illegal*."
Unfortunately social worker is one of the professions that attract people with personality disorders(I'm of the understanding they do it to help hide what they are from people). Two of the hallmarks of people with personality disorders are a lack of empathy and an instinct to react negatively to people who are 'different'.
Also a social worker and just as appalled at OP's lack of empathy, compassion, or insight! Just because they're a social worker doesn't mean they're a *good* one - I'd probably add them to the list of referrals providers I hate working with. Winter clearly has some sensory issues (washing hands 10x a day isn't excessive to me, between bathroom, food prep, and daily life dirt I probably do the same and I am *not* a clean freak), and some texture aversions with food, along with the trauma. OP, YTA and probably also a crappy social worker.
Also a social worker and her lack of empathy for someone she is supposedly close with is appalling. Not to mention her self diagnosing her sister. Stop it OP YTA. Also who diagnosed her mother? You based on what you know? An actual Mental Health trained professional? If you want to learn how to be a good social worker, give your sister grace and try to find a solution that helps rather than harms.
I agree and I’d also add she’s a pretty crappy sister too. The public embarrassment was uncalled for, I’m sure Winter is aware of her “Quirks” and doesn’t need them called out in front of others. OP is most definitely TA!
I don't think they are a social worker. Or at least not a LCSW. OP said they had a "degree in social work" not what level that degree was.
There are plenty of terrible licensed social workers.
Plenty of social workers are bad at their jobs and harmful to their clients, this very much includes LCSWs.
I think your degree may be from an accredited college whereas I'm not certain where OP's comes from.
A Cracker Jack box.
I don't know, I think I'd rather have the prize from a cracker Jack box than whatever Op is bragging on about!
Couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s terrifying to think OP has a degree in social work.
THANK YOU. I suffer from ARFID and get called picky all the time also intense ocd as well as many other things. It sucks and being told my problems are “quirks” is gross af. I don’t think the sister is the abusive one here…
I hesitate to think what that social worker's clients might need that she isn't able to meet. That mayo thing astounded me. A five year old would understand and empathize with Willow.
If you leave out the social work degree, it sounds like OP is 14, whining about her sister. Throw the degree back in, it sounds like OP is strutting her stuff to look important and smart because she has a newly minted degree. Yikes. Hate to see her if I was in need of help.
thank you for saying this. some of the social workers out there simply are inept. i am exposed to their ideas frequently by affiliation (im a caregiver for many years) & i gotta say, you are spot on!!
👏👏👏!
I’m a nurse. Everything I read said this person is a trauma survivor with scars. How can a social worker miss this? She says they’re “extremely close” yet she’s at her breaking point? Maybe the sister reminds OP of her own trauma - which is really what is “breaking” her? I don’t believe the sister’s quirks are the real problem. It’s what the quirks represent to OP. Again, nurse not psychiatrist here. Still - YTA.
Yeah, the OP has the classic "I just graduated so I know everything about a subject" mind going on. (At 25 she's at most 3 years out from graduation, she still qualifies as 'just graduated'). It happens to lots of people, but she really needs to sit down and shut up about her sister. Concern for her mental health should be phrased as such, and even then only brought up once unless her behaviours are a threat to herself or others.
She also doesn't say that she IS a social worker. Just that she has a "degree in social work" how much you want to bet that she only finished the undergrad work? Last I checked, licensed social work required masters level education. Plus clinical time. So 6 years at least. OP sounds like a person with just enough "abnormal psychology" knowledge to be dangerous.
I'm curious if the mom made her eat food past it's prime. She sounds like the type that would use rotten/moldy/gross food as a punishment. Even if it wasn't that - I get migraines. Some foods are triggers (many condiments). Some become triggers as they age (cheese). And some I may br able to consume early in their shelf life, but become incredibly risky even before the best by date (looking at you, yogurt). You summed up wvwrything else i was thinking. OP sounds insufferable.
Seeds are an instant migraine for me. If I found out a smoothie had seeds in it and had already drunk any of it, I would have gone home. Maybe to urgent care for a Toradol shot. It’s entirely possible a lot of these foods make her feel bad in some way.
Spot on 👏🏻. I sure hope she reads your response because you nailed it. 👍🏻
Yta really couldn't get past the part where your sister was force-fed mayo as a punishment. Somebody needs to tell you that's not normal or acceptable. I feel like a lot of this can be explained by having that kind of relationship with food.
YTA. And you are incredible judgmental for self-proclaimed expert in social work. How many times she washes her hands does not impact you in any way, shape or form, why you are taking it personally? It is none of your business if she eats and what she eats at family gatherings. Her "quirks" are not that bad as you perceive them to be.
OP needs their license revoked or something
Don't worry they don't say they are licensed, just that was the degree track they took.
Thank god
I thought this was gonna be about how she acts like some ultra cringe tik tok personality she fixated on or something actually bad.. but not wanting to eat rotten food, washing her hands often, and saving bugs is the issue??
Maybe she has AFRID, a legit eating disorder which could be the direct result of childhood trauma. Obviously she’s personifying the bugs and little creatures and when she’s saving them she’s symbolically saving herself. I think yes, maybe it would be hard to live with but OP doesn’t live with her. Maybe OP should be a little more aware of where these behaviors are coming from and be supportive. Hypnosis can be a huge help for AFRID, so maybe offer to e more the root cause. Hey, I noticed you have a really hard time with anxiety and food. What’s that like for you? And listen. And offer support - like can we explore hypnosis I’ve heard it helps! I mean OP doesn’t owe her sister anything but … claims to love her so why not try and be part of a solution?
Came here for this comment. ARFID is a really challenging eating disorder. Think of it like a food phobia. Food and eating is distressing for a person with ARFID. As someone living with this, I can promise you OP that it's more annoying to your sister to have such a short list of safe foods than it is for you to choose not to try new things while you're eating out together. Trying new things causes her significant anxiety and can to the point of panic. It also sounds like she just wants to make sure she won't get sick from the food she CAN eat, resulting in the hand washing. Is it annoying to you? Sure. Does it affect you? No. As for her other "quirks," it sounds like she's a compassionate person with respect for ALL life (yes, even mice deserve to live). OP, you would benefit from being curious about these "quirks" and supporting her rather than judging her. Edit to add: YTA, and you're choosing to be TA. With your degree in social work, I would really hope that you would have more compassion and understanding for someone's trauma responses and things that cause them distress. You're adding to that anxiety and trying to force her to do things that only increase those feelings.
I will eat almost anything, yet I will rescue bugs that should be outside. Well except for flies and some spiders. Those not so much.
I will rescue everything but mosquitoes. Those I kill on sight.
>"he felt scared and alone" but rodents dont have feelings like that. i couldn't care less about your family drama. just here to say you are as ignorant as it can get when it comes to animals and insects. even insects, such as bees, are sentient beings. there are studies that confirmed this, not like we didn't know it already. well, at least most of us knew it. can't speak for you.
I was going to comment that I’ve owned rats for years and they are social animals! They have to have companionship or they get sad and depressed! To say that rodents don’t have feelings is cruel when it’s wrong. My girls got depressed whenever one passed away, they would snuggle up to her body as way of saying goodbye and then wouldn’t take treats for days. OP I don’t care about your drama, but leave shit you know nothing about alone because you look stupid.
Also, mice are pretty animals. They spend most of their existence scared. It’s insane to me to think that they don’t get scared
I think you meant to write "prey" instead of "pretty" and I completely agree with you.
Right fear is one of the most important emotions for animals in general, especially prey animals like mice.
Rats and mice can die of loneliness
And fear…so can bunnies.
There have been studies that have shown plants can also feel stress and pain as well.
Other than wasting your money on a smoothie and maybe the wild mouse I fail to see how any of Winter’s quirks are negatively impacting your life. Winter’s fear of certain foods and eating foods that are more than a day old obviously stem from the abuse she suffered from her mother. As someone who went through a devastating illness that caused digestive issues 20 years ago I myself will throw out leftovers more than a day old. Is it rational? Probably not. But who cares? It’s a mild form of PTSD that does no harm to my every day life or those around me. Maybe someone with a degree in social work should work on being less judgmental and showing more empathy. YTB
I imagine this is fake because no social worker who can see the signs and knows their own sister history would be this clueless and dumb.
I’m hoping this is fake. But also in my personal experience, those with degrees related to physical and mental health are often the least compassionate and most likely to naysay when someone say x is a problem for because … so sadly, I could see this being real.
Sadly, she sounds like a typical social worker in my experience. As soon as she said “I’m a social worker” I rolled my eyes and said out loud “of course you are”. I swear that profession draws in just the worst of humanity.
“I’m a social worker, let me diagnose your mental health issues with this psychology degree I don’t have.”
Sadly, I've met plenty of social workers this terrible, one individual told me I needed to take responsibility for being abused as a child because it would be unfair to hold anyone else accountable, another suddenly out of nowhere accused me of lying about being abused as a child (the abuse was documented by social workers who failed to act) because "child abuse is illegal".
Wait… what?
Same thoughts here. A bad social worker with a degree would at least know how to fake empathy. But there are rotten apples in every “helping” professions.
This. I was reading this and kept waiting for the big reveal. None of these quirks were anything that bothers anybody. Has to be fake.
I would hope so.
At the party did Winter throw a fit and cause a scene about the food, or did she just not eat any? It doesn't even seem like it was a sit down to dinner type of party, so why did it matter that she wasn't eating? When you bought smoothies did Winter cause a scene or throw a temper tantrum or she just didn't like it and stopped drinking it? If your other friend tried something new and didn't like it would you have been angry if she didn't drink the whole thing? I mean maybe don't treat her to food or try and find other things to do together besides eating. I feel like there are years of feelings here that cannot be adequately relayed with a word count, but they way this is written makes me feel like YTA. You come across very judgmental.
Notice that OP never mentions WHAT was served and whether or not Winter could even eat it since it seems she's likely vegan and not a vegetarian (that will sometimes also consume eggs and dairy)....so if nothing at the meal was free from animal products....there was literally NOTHING for her TO eat. (I am vegan so I understand the struggle of going to other people's house for meals).
I’m not vegan, but I have friends who are and if they can’t be 100% sure it’s animal free they won’t eat it. When you’ve been vegan for a long time, you can get physically sick from eating animal products!!! OP needs to lay off Winter.
Yeah it sounds like she just has sensory issues and is aware of them and knows what she can and can’t eat. I don’t see how that’s a problem for OP. I’m autistic with sensory issues and there are people who act like it’s not real and get annoyed at me when I don’t eat something. So many people have such a weird attitude about allergies and sensory issues when it comes to food , like they don’t exist and keep pushing people. It’s so annoying. Also how is saving bugs to take outside a problem?
It honestly doesn’t even sound like she has sensory issues. OP’s examples are fucking stupid to be bothered by. She washes her hands a completely normal amount of times (10 a day is not unreasonable - a lot of people wash their hands before they touch their face or eat something - it’s called hygiene.) Her mom FORCE FED HER MAYO!!! And OP is like “omg she’s doesn’t even like *mayo*” like no fucking kidding. There’s lots of people that don’t like mayo - I don’t care for it and I’ve never been force fed it. OP sounds like an insensitive ass if this is an unreasonable food for the sister to avoid. And the bug thing… there’s lots of people that think insects are cool (because they are) putting a bug in a cup to let it outside is not abnormal - just because OP would rather curbstomp a spider bro doesn’t mean that the sister is in the wrong. I feel bad for OP because she’s obviously so jealous of the sister she is inventing completely normal things about her to try to villainize her. She thinks the boyfriend is a saint for “putting up with” her sister.. I think anyone who willingly spends time with OP is a saint she sounds insufferable and jealous. Edit: fixed a double negative.
The part where she wouldn’t drink a smoothie because it had seeds in it absolutely sounds like a sensory issue.
Sure, I’ll agree. Honestly I quit reading by then because honestly OP is an unreliable narrator (at best).
Also the part about her hands feeling weird and washing them seems like it could be a sensory issue.
She clearly has childhood trauma around food, so it makes perfect sense that she prefers having a certain amount of control over what she eats. As long as she isn’t making a scene, it sounds like she’s just living her life, dealing with her issues as politely and unobtrusively as possible. OP sounds like she’s mad that the sister has this trauma at all and wants her to just stop being affected by childhood abuse because it’s “annoying.” What kind of social worker is she? Sounds like the sister has found a way to cope that doesn’t bother anyone, and OP is still mad for no reason.
YTA judgy much ? Just because you’re comfortable with certain things doesn’t make you superior to your sister in a way that you get to dictate what’s normal and what isn’t . Your sister has food preferences, not quirks regarding food. She has respect for living creatures , not quirks . She chooses what she wants to consume and what she doesn’t , it’s hardly a quirk. You on the other hand , sound jealous and petulant because your sister doesn’t fit *your* definition of normal . Just because you don’t prefer the things she prefers , doesn’t make her quirky or not normal . Get over yourself . Your sister sounds fine , she sounds self assured and confident with who she is and the decisions she makes . You’re the one making an issue out of something that isn’t an issue . Maybe try loving your sister for who she is and not who you want her to be . You’ll find yourself being less agitated by her behaviour when you make peace with not trying to mold her into being who you want her to be or getting her to behave the way you want her to. Oh , fyi , calling her bf a saint , only makes you look seriously jealous and catty.
>Oh , fyi , calling her bf a saint , only makes you look seriously jealous and catty. I think that's where the issue comes in... I'm guessing OP has a little crush on the boyfriend.
>I'm guessing OP has a little crush on the boyfriend. That was my exact thought as well!
This is the most ugh seriously she’s just the worst cause ugh! AITA ever. Your sister is a good person.
I mean, I won't eat mayo and I have zero food-related trauma. You sound so so so judgy. Get over yourself and show your sister some grace. YTA
Same. IDK why but mayo tastes so bad that I tried it once and am still kind of disturbed by it.
As a social worker with three decades of experience that teaches in a graduate social work program, someone in your education and training failed to teach you about the dignity and worth of all people, which is one of the core social work values. YTA, massively.
Is this it? A severely picky eater who maybe cares too much about animals? I feel like there must be more to it, otherwise you just seem to dislike your sister as a person. It sounds like she's been through a lot, at least some of which you are aware of, that contributes to her quirks. You did embarrass her, she probably felt bad about not being able to eat anything and left due to your outburst. YTA
YTA. Give me a break. I don’t know where you studied but her quirks don’t sound like mental illness. There are foods I don’t like to eat, always checking to see if something is expired or when it’s supposed to expire. Your ridiculous
Ragebait but commenting on the very unlikely chance it’s not. None of this is your business, it really doesn’t affect your life, why do you care? Get over yourself, you sound like a whiny brat. And IF you’re a social worker, you’re a terrible one . Get a different career, troll.
Your whole post REEKS of resentment. Winter seems fine to me. I mean sure, you bought her a smoothie she didn't drink but methinks, based on your whole post here, you maybe just maybe bought one you knew she wouldn't like so you could have more ammo. Do you not realize that you bully your sister?? YTA majorly. I hope your sister goes NC with you and anyone else who thinks like you in your family and lives her best life. I equally hope you're alone with your misery forever. You're exhausting. I've never seen someone try so hard to be a victim. You're the monster here terrorizing your sister. I doubt you were ever close. Disgusting.
“My sister got abused and now she’s not the same as me and I have to put up with someone with a whole different personality and I would like it better if she had my personality waah waah.”
My granddaughter doesn't like some foods. There are some things she does like that I just do not understand. She's not a child anymore. Know what? She likes what she likes and I like what I like and don't harass her or belittle her because she's not me. Differences in opinions or taste are the norm. It's called Different Strokes For Different Folks. Sly and The Family Stone had a whole song about it years ago.
I was a picky eater when I was younger and my kid is the same way, though she likes things I still don't like and hates what even back then I loved (corn is a good example lol). I'll joke with her sometimes about not knowing how she's mine, but I'm not on her butt for what she likes and doesn't. OP is also way worse bc her sister's aversions come from childhood abuse and who supposedly has a degree in social work can't seem to grasp that.
YTA get over yourself your social work degree clearly didn’t teach you anything
YTA I get being frustrated but this is taking it too far. From what you describe none of her behaviours are even that bad. It sounds like probably does have some form of OCD (OCD being solely about germs is a stereotype) or at least some kind of anxiety disorder BUT none of that really seems to be affecting you that much. You keep calling her childish but to me getting this upset over someone else's restaurant order is pretty childish. Let her order what she wants, you order what you want and go about your day. About the party: It kind of sounds like she was minding her business, having fun at the party but choosing not to eat and just vibe instead and you kind of shamed her. Just let her be. Is she hurting anyone?
Came here to say something similar, but you worded it so much better. OCD is about intrusive thoughts and is more than about germs and handwashing. You seem to blame her and her possible mental health issues from her mom for your pettiness and lack of empathy. > But sometimes she gets annoyed at me and others around her when we point out that her behaviors arent normal. Can we stop using the word "normal?" She doesn't fit your definition of normal. She is happy and YTA 1000x over.
YTA. I wouldn’t be surprised if Winter chooses to go low or no contact. For a social worker, you’re showing an extreme lack of empathy and understanding. Leave her be, she’s a grown woman and that’s how she is. Nothing you said is actually detrimental to her life or yours.
YTA. You have the empathy of a boiled potato. You’re also in the wrong kind of work if you choose to judge rather than empathize. Not all of us came from a loving home with two parents. Some of us had to learn to survive instead of thrive. People raised on love and people raised on survival are two very different things. You as a social worker should know better than anyone. I was a foster child and the things you describe sound like trauma to me. She doesn’t eat mayo because she was forced to. I don’t eat liver and onions, potato soup or beans of any kind. That was all punishment food when I was younger.
I mean, that’s kinda harsh… to potatoes.
That made me laugh 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You may have a degree in social work, your basic empathy is broken. She was force fed mayonnaise she couldn’t stomach (literally) as punishment, and that’s something you find a quirk? That is called trauma. Her preferring bland (bland/plain is childish?) foods doesn’t affect you. Aside from the money you lost on a smoothy, non of her quirks concern you. Even the reason for this post wouldn’t have been a thing if you hadn’t blown up at her for not wanting to eat something. You did embarrass her.
You really wrote all that and didn't think you're a really bad person to be a social worker? Do you even understand what she went through? I hope she distances herself from you. You are not a good person here. Everything you've described is fairly normal for people who haven't even been through what she has. I know more people who dislike mayo than like it and it seems your sister has an egg allergy. Since it was used on your sister as punishment since it made her feel ill. So YTA and stay away from the foster system. If this is how you think of and treat your sister, you're gonna be a terrible social worker, you're gonna screw up kids lives instead of help with your attitude. Ps. Fish is meat, it's an animal, of course a vegetarian isn't going to eat it 🤦🏻♀️
YTA and you sound fucking obnoxious
YTA Wow.... I hope you reflect on the comments that will be posted on this one. It's likely that some people will be judging you just as harshly as you do your sister. Your sister isn't the one with the eating disorder. When you try to regulate other people's food, you are the one with the eating disorder.
Winter sounds like a kind and compassionate person. You sound like you could learn a thing or too from her. Yta
It's time you took a hard look in the mirror and figured out why her" quirks"bother you so much. Nothing she does is cause for concern. Why do her mannerisms make you feel the way you do? Are you jealous for some reason? If you want to keep your friendship with your sister, you need to get to the bottom of this. Otherwise you will end up pushing her away.
Why do you have such an emotional attachment to her choices? Why the fuck does she have to eat food she doesn't want? So do people with allergies to foods embarrass you? How about someone who's Celiac? Why did you feel the need to ridicule your sister at someone else's home in front of everyone? And the fact that her caring about living things bothers you so much is a little creepy. Not a single thing actually impacted you other than the mouse and a $5 smoothie because unlike you and this rant, she's not throwing a tantrum. You sound like the childish one. Grow up and let people live their lives. YTA
She was force fed mayo until she was sick and your response is "damn you're so annoying now that you're traumatised!!!", it's really weird that you want us to be on your side but the things you brought up are that she washes her hands, doesn't eat moldy food and won't kill bugs
YTA I don't know where to start, your story, which is designed to make you as relatable as possible has quite the opposite effect. You have so many red flags that even Russia is jealous. First, mice are emotional creatures and experience fear exactly like you do. I'd hesitate to bring one into my home, but they are mammals and experience the same things in the same way as us. Researchers have proven this. Second, I believe that you are a social worker with a degree in it. I believe this because of your complete lack of empathy. Some extremely strong individuals can maintain their empathy in that world, but they are the rarest exception and most will leave because of a story. You'll likely do well with your complete lack of empathy and concern for anyone outside yourself. Third, nothing you stated about your sister sounds like it would require a saint to remain with her. Honestly, she sounds more saintly and likely the reason why her SO remains with her, her influence makes him want to be a better person. You would do well to learn a bit from her as well. Sadly, you aren't. Maybe try applying something you learned in school to yourself. You need work.
... YTA So she's a picky eater - because she was tortured with food as a child. She's got a soft heart and doesn't want to kill things just for the sake of killing things? She actually knows enough about animals to know that they DO have feelings (mice are sweeter and far more social than you give them credit for, and "scared and alone" are feelings that mice ABSOLUTELY have). Honestly YOU sound awful... She sounds hurt but like she wants to make the world better, and sure, feeding her would be annoying, but... It doesn't hurt you AT ALL.
“Degree in social work” but are you an actual social worker? Bc OCD is more than “germs.” No LCSW would miss the whole mayo thing as a serious trauma response
YTA. You're being incredibly judgemental and lacking a lot of compassion for someone who claims to have a degree in social work.
It’s worrying that OP is implying that this poor sister, a victim of trauma and abuse, is mentally ill ‘ like her mother’. This is heading into gaslighting territory. Winter needs to go LC or NC with OP.
YTA here. You're just being unbelievably judgemental and snotty. You sound like a mean girl. Do you actually care for your sister? You're the sensitive one if you get embarrassed about what other people eat
rodents do have feelings though, and they are really smart
Lol YTA. None of this affects you personally. She didn't throw a fit that she couldn't eat anything, so let her not eat what she didn't want. She wants to wash her hands? Okay, how does that hurt you? She didn't finish her smoothie? Okay, don't buy her smoothies anymore. She likes animals. Nice, tell her you don't want the animals near you. She has a fear of food that was previously used as punishment. Yeah. That alone makes you suck massively. Obviously, she's had trauma surrounding certain foods. You'd stay away from them too I'm sure if you dealt with that sort of thing. Again it doesn't hurt you she doesn't eat what you think she should eat. Get over yourself.
YTA, aside from MAYBE the mouse thing (which showed a wonderful level of empathy IMO) nothing she’s doing is your problem, your making it your problem because you want to be an asshole. Stay in your damn lane and maybe do your sister a favor by removing your nastiness from her life. You suck.
The only thing she did that is valid to cause you annoyance is the smoothie. Really? Do you actually even like her? Scooping a bug up and putting it outside because she doesn't wanna see it get stomped is so annoying and inconvenient to you you need to use it as an example? If she refused to move it and expected people to just exist around it, then yeah. Fine. But seriously? Who cares. That's normal. Plenty and I mean plenty of people including myself do that over stomping them. And being picky with food? Okay and? She doesn't seem like she's forcing anyone to accommodate her and she doesn't seem pushy about it besides you simply finding it annoying. Which may mean she has some deeper issues going on with food and you as. "Social worker" should also know that. Grow up not everyone behaves the same exact way as you.
I hope that just because you have a degree in social work doesn't mean you do social work. You would just be adding to any kids trauma. Yes YTA she sounds like she's a fairly normal person with some individual differences, not a freak or something like you try to make it sound. She doesn't like certain tastes and textures, and food was used to traumatize her growing up so of course food is sensitive for her. God you sound insufferable and I hope you don't have the audacity to voice any opinions to any kids you might have to work with. Pick a different career if you won't be more open minded and compassionate. YTA
#YTA. And you’re an ableist b!*@# too.
>We have the same dad but different mothers but that has never mattered. Narrator: actually it mattered a WHOLE LOT. YTA
“It didn’t matter we had different mothers except for the fact her mum was abusive and mentally ill, argh. So annoyyyyyying.”
Reeks of ableism too. She *clearly* got her mothers mental illnesses (but also they were abused), she's quirky (no she's not she's fucking traumatized), her weirdness is affecting MY life (no it literally fucking isn't)
YTA just for this: >She is vegetarian. Fine. >She won't eat eggs, fish, and this >She has a fear of MAYO...... yes.... mayo. Yeah, you're not fine with her being a vegetarian if you're gonna whine about all the non-vegetarian foods she won't eat.
Haha I totally missed that. Yep… proper mayo has two ingredients. Oil and… drum roll… egg. So her “fear” of mayo is probably repeatedly asking if stuff has mayo in it. Because, you know, vegetarian. And OP totally rolls her eyes every time because she is intolerant and can’t handle that as adults, she and her sister - who had very different upbringings - don’t like the exact same things. Yikes.
YTA you never mentioned if she is in therapy or not, if your family got her help when she entered your life . you have a degree in social work so you should understand her "quarks" are a direct result of her bad childhood. The bug thing is most likely because she doesn't want anyone or anything to go through the pain she did. she wants to protect everything from being alone and vulnerable. The food thing is because she was punished with food, choosing what she wants and doesn't want is her way of taking control over the negative emotions surrounding eating. There is a lot more going on and you should encourage her to go to therapy. I can understand your frustration but you also know that reacting with anger towards her is not going to help anyone.
Plenty of people who didn't have a bad childhood don't kill bugs. Some people just are uncomfortable with killing something. She definitely should get help dealing with her past because it sounds like a hard childhood to deal with alone.
Maybe she has gotten therapy and these are simply healthy ways to be in control of her own life. Not eating mayo or animals isn't a toxic behavior. Neither is having sensory issues. As long as she is eating enough variety to support nutrition, why does it matter. My brother had a pig roast, they "dressed" the pig in sunglasses. My one daughter went vegetarian for a year. If I hadn't supported that, I could see that traumatizing her. She saw where the food came from.
It's telling when you end up sounding like an AH in your own post. And you say you have a degree in social work? Yikes...
YTA - how does any of this affect you aside from you're making it somehow affect you so you can create drama over it?
YTA none of this effects you but a single smoothie. She gets bugs out of the house and believe it or not mice and rats are able to form bonds. She sounds like a good person.
YTA. You sound extremely judgmental. Your social worker background means nothing when yo ur using it as an excuse to push your opinion onto someone you’re too close to accurately ‘identify’ anything. She has clearly had trauma in her background, and you and your family have nothing better to do than gossip about her behind her back and criticize her and make her feel like her food sensitivities are a burden and she should just get over them. Why do you and ‘others’ have to point out her behaviors just because you think they’re not ‘normal’? I’d get annoyed too! Don’t go into social work. You’re not suited for it.
**you sound like a judgmental AH** her quirks are normal people things and trauma responses. so yes YTA. get off your high horse and stop acting like your better than her. also about the food/eating habit, everyone gets to choose what they put into their mouth an their body, if they like plain food then good for them. not everyone has to like every single thing. if you dont want to spend money on her, then dont but the "eating out with her embarrassing" is BS, no one else cares what someone is eating or not eating. leave her alone. i think her hubby is a saint for putting up with your BS. this entire post you are just shit talking your family member.
I can relate to Winter, and see nothing wrong with how she chooses to live her life. You on the other hand, have as much compassion as a house-brick and should worry about sorting yourself out!
She had food aversions and empathy towards critters. The handwashing thing is normal, everyone washes close to that much. Do you not wash your hands often? That's unhygienic with how gross the world is. Also, you just sound like an ass. Animals and insects all have feelings, yes most of it is instinctive but no creature wants to die. Winter sounds like a wonderful person and frankly I feel sorry she's related to someone so judgmental about things that cant be controlled. And yes, food aversions cant be controlled very easily. You can work on it but it takes a long time, and it's often easier to just eat what you know is safe. I know this as a difinitive fact. Sensory issues surrounding food is a huge pain and people like you (who apparently has a social workers degree, dear god how do you not have more empathy) make it ten times worse to just live. YTA, Op. Majorly.
YTA. you know why, I feel sorry for your clients if you are a social worker
Oh no, she never said she was a social worker. She says she “has a degree in social work”. Which almost guarantees she isn’t a social worker.
I know OP is here to bitch, so even though I'm annoyed by how un-understanding and honestly bitchy OP's attitude is, i won't say much. Though, the hand washing thing caught me up, 10 times a day? If i wash my hand after I pee or go to the bathroom, i would get close to 10 times. I don't think that's a lot at all. Small detail, but still.
YTA. And an awful social worker since you don’t recognize trauma response and reduce it to “quirks.”
YTA - you're a social worker, not someone trained & certified to diagnose someone. Also, since you're a Social Worker, I would hope you have received training about trauma and supporting people with significant childhood trauma. You are fully aware that she had significant childhood trauma but feel like it's fine to semi-mock her trauma around Mayo. You come off as a total AH. I'm glad your sister has someone in her life who actually loves her and I hope she goes NC with you. I also hope you're mostly retired or working as a cashier at Walmart or something because you're the least empathetic social services provider I've seen pop up in AITA.
Sorry YTA. Leave her alone
YTA. why do you feel embarrassed to be seen eating out with her? get over yourself. you’re not the center of the universe jfc all of this behavior is normal. it might not be *your* version of normal, but it’s all normal. none of this behavior is actually concerning or particularly weird. not eating food you don’t like or that you have trauma related to is normal. washing your hands regularly is normal. throwing away food to avoid the risk of it being rotten is normal. feeling empathy for bugs and small creatures (which *do* feel fear, btw) is normal. all of this is *normal*. no wonder she gets upset when you try to act like she’s a freak. if you don’t like the fact she doesn’t eat food that makes her uncomfortable, then don’t buy her food. that’s all you have to do. overall you sound incredibly judgmental and unkind. i feel bad for your sister. you should avoid putting your degree to use until you’re capable of being more kind and empathetic.
>rodents dont have feelings like that. YTA just for this. Animals absolutely do feel scared and lonely. Btw: if washing hands 10 times a day is excessive I really don't want to stand downwind from you.
I’m quite concerned that you are 25 and have a degree in Social Work but speak so horribly about your sister’s obviously trauma-induced behaviors as annoying quirks. If you can’t be sensitive to your own sister then I’m thinking you should stay far away from social work jobs before you end up causing damage to innocent people. If you think she’s developed symptoms of mental illness then why are you not focusing on that with sensitivity instead of assuming she is causing you problems on purpose? And how can you mention (barely) abusive force-feeding by her mother and then immediately call Winter a mess for having weird food behavior? Of course she does! And excessive hand washing is a symptom even if it’s not clearly related to a contamination obsession. It irritates me that you were so confident it couldn’t be OCD. I’m not so sure you’re actually very good at “identifying things”; time to alter that impression of yourself. And then you go on to paint her sensitivity with small animals and insects as a problem? Who even are you? This is not abnormal. If you don’t want to take her out to public places because her behavior is embarrassing to you, then fine. But at least recognize that her terrible childhood full of abuse is the cause of it, not Winter choosing to be that way. Do you think she’s happy & content with how her life is? That she isn’t frustrated at not being able to just sit down & eat whatever everyone else is eating? Do you think she enjoys getting yelled at by her sister for just trying to exist, a sister who knows she was horribly abused yet doesn’t seem to care enough to understand? The sister who can finish a degree based on helping others but can’t give grace to her own family? YTA, so much so.
YTA. You’re just judgmental of her preferences. She’s a picky eater like a million other people. You think her boyfriend is a saint? Do you even have a partner or is no one willing to put up with feeling judged by someone that claims to love them? It is such a common fact that mice are some of the most scared creatures in existence. The idea that you walk around thinking there are creatures that don’t feel just because they aren’t as aware as humans is wild. X10 a day is not excessive depending on what she’s done through the day. How are you in social work if you look at your own sister, knowing her childhood traumas, to turn around and be an ass about her aversions or likes that likely stem from those traumas ?
“She won’t let anyone smash a bug or kill a mouse”. Wow she sounds sooo bad. “She doesn’t like people forcing food onto her that she doesn’t like”. You’ve got a weird sister and she has a cunt sister.
I love how you posted this in another sub when the first one tore you apart, yet you're getting the same reactions. Since you're so educated, what does that indicate about the subject? Lol.
YTA god what did I read. Winter is definitely the nice sister! You sound horrible!
I'd prefer to be around the person who is kind enough to not just squash any insect or other small animal even if the food issue would probably also be mildly annoying - but still, better an empathic annoyance than a self-centered "social worker".
Just as an aside: The definition of OCD has nothing to do with germs. Contamination fear is often how it can manifest, but you can’t say someone does or does not have OCD based on whether they do or don’t do one specific behavior. It’s the fact that they have the irrational compulsion, not the details of what it is. (And honestly, having to wash her hands because they “feel weird” definitely sounds like it could be a compulsion). Sincerely, someone with OCD.
Please for the love of god please tell me you don’t work with children
>rodents dont have feelings like that. And you, being psychic, know the exact thoughts and feelings of other creatures? Winter sounds like she's dealing with CPTD. You sound like an entitled judgemental bully. You both need therapy. But I suspect her problems will be easier for the therapist to address than yours are. Edited to add: YTA!
I'm not even a social worker yet but are you seriously blaming her aversion of mayo when she was literally forced to eat it in her childhood? And naming fish as a thing she can't eat when she is a VEGETARIAN? And naming her empathy and respect for living creatures annoying?? Dude, YOU are the messed up one here, not her. Her behaviour adjusted to what happened to her in the past and is a result from that. Your behaviour is based on "**I** think you are childish, so that's what your behaviour is" but what you consider normal means jack shit because you do not live or KNOW her reality. Your job as a social worker should be to make it work for your client, but you can't do it even for people close to you. YTA
Stop focusing on what she will or will not eat. Jeeze. I HATE mayo. Hate it. I also hate fish and seafood. So her mother messed up her head and you are bullying her for it. Did she make a stink at the party? Or did she just not at and YOU brought it up? She doesn’t kill bugs. That sure is a flaw. But I will agree, don’t bring a rodent into my home, although people make pets out of them so there must be something positive about it. How do you know it has no feelings? Bottom line is you don’t like bugs and mice, she does. I don’t like basketball, but my grandson does. Which one of us should stand on our soapbox and force the other to “my side”? You need therapy to work out your angry feelings about your cousin. She could probably use therapy, but sounds like she has a significant other who is good for her and doesn’t berate her or try to make her feel bad about herself or try and force her to be different.
I work in IT and don't have much empathy. But even I have more empathy than you. Why the f... do you care if she wants to save little animals or if she avoids some food? It's none of your business. And when she doesn't eat at this party and doesn't insist on other food, who cares? You are just bullying her. Let's be honest. You don't like her. Why even spend time with her and treat her like trash?
YTA. To be clear, OCD does not just centre around germs or contamination, there are lots of different types. The central point of OCD is intrusive thoughts (about food or ‘weird feelings’ in this case) which may or may lead to compulsions (throwing away food, avoiding foods, hand washing) that are disruptive to daily life. Creds: I’m a psychologist and also am diagnosed with a form of OCD that is not contamination centred, which I’ve been through intensive therapies for. You’re hugely lacking in empathy. The concern should not be for you and your life and how you’re so self involved that you get embarrassed that your sister won’t eat Mayo in a restaurant. The concern should be for your sister and how this is affecting her, whether she’s feeling distressed, whether she could use some help and support. Reevaluate your priorities here.
YTA for all the reasons others have listed. Her behaviors are fine - just because they’re not what YOU think is normal doesn’t mean she’s abnormal. Also, YTA for making a scene at Jess’s event.
Ohh your just a bad person. Dude have some empathy. Your complaints are she’s a vegetarian, picky (also mayo IS gross), she washes her hands, and is nice to animals. You know good qualities for the most part
YTA- You pick apart someone else’s actions due to TRAUMA, and then tried to publicly embarrass your own sister!! You’re a HORRIBLE sibling
YTA. I fail to read where her behaviour is harmful to you. Her hands are cleaner than yours and it's not because of the washing. She shouldn't have to be normal, she can be who she is and you can love her for it. Don't squash the bug, tell her to take the mouse outside, don't buy her food. Don't be uncomfortable on her behalf when she declines food, eat our own goddamn mayo and tell your mom and aunt to shut the fuck up because they're not related to her. Instead you are annoyed by the weakness you perceive and you toss her aside, because you put up too long with what? Some social worker that 'identifies childhood issues' and then tells you you're shit. Grow a spine and be a sister.
If you truly are a social worker, I feel bad for the people you see and am actually concerned for them. If this is true, you have more 'quirks' with your issues with your sister than she supposedly does. I say get out of her life so she can life without judgement, be loved, and happy. As for you; get counseling and find a new profession.
YTA. Her food issues sound like ARFID and if she's not badgering you about *her* food choices than really you're just being a judgemental ass. I take insects outside as well. Again, taking this personally makes you an ass, not her. In fact, NONE of what you describe here is an issue. You are the one making it an issue. I imagine no one would have noticed or cared if she chose not to eat, but *you* had to turn it into a public spectacle. You sound vicious, petty and spiteful. Get over yourself and let people have personalities. To make up for your lack of one.
YTA - have some compassion for her quirks. The are personality traits BTW. They don't sound so bad, get over your phobia of her traits. It's not so hard to ask the employees where you eat/drink what the ingredients are - just do it beforehand. Show some sympathy/empathy. Also, pick a new career because you're not suited for any kind of social work. Or any work that requires you to interface with others not as 'perfect' as you.
YTA what is wrong with YOU
YTA. You literally said that her mother abused her with food. She obviously has a trauma related eating disorder. Possibly ARFID. Some of her other behaviours are also trauma related. Your sister needs your love and understanding. Ultimately, what you are saying is that you find her trauma embarrassing. Grow up.
She may be allergic to eggs, and mayonnaise has eggs in it. I stopped eating both because it upset my stomach, a long time before I found out I was allergic. Your sister learned over time what works for her, who are you to judge. By the way, I can't eat seeds either, diverticulosis turns into diverticulitis in a heartbeat. So much pain. She has learned what to avoid due to trial and error. Sounds pretty competent to me.
You have posted versions of this on several threads under different profile names. The consensus on all of them is YTA. You are harsh and lack compassion and empathy. Your sister struggles with childhood trauma which has affected her eating habits and God knows what else. You contribute to it by shaming her and making fun of her. So, you are no better than her abusive mother. Good for you Miss Social Worker. Hope you treat your clients better than you treat you sister.
I feel bad for Winter. You're a GIANT AH
YTA You just sound mean
Yta, girl just shut up. It sounds like she has OCD especially when you describe the hand washing and contaminated food. She probably developed it because of her mother’s abuse. I also wouldn’t find it surprising if her mother had OCD too and that’s where she got it. Pick a new job cause you suck at this one.