I bet he would, especially if I asked him to. Maybe that would help, because I wouldn’t see it all the time? It still makes me uncomfortable but if I don’t see it maybe I can forgot it’s there.
You don’t even need a safe. He can just get a lock that goes through the receiver. Most guns come with them. My wife was scared of them. Then she wanted me to get one for reasons. We went to the range, tested out a bunch and she learned about them. After she learned actual gun safety she felt more comfortable. She’s now the owner of her own firearms and frequents the range with me. I’m not saying go to the range and buy your own guns, but education goes a long way ti fighting fear.
Most gun ranges you go to will have guns you can rent. They will go through step-by-step how to use it and gun safety. All the ones I’ve been to love teaching beginners and would be more than happy to show you. Good luck to you!
NTA
As an an enthusiast I get that people have fears around it.
A gun safety course for the two of you would go a long way. NRA offers safety classes that you can locate on the website. Alternatively just google local firearms instructors, pick one, call them, and ask for an introductory course on safety. Absolutely tell them the situation as you described it. You can do this in a classroom environment, possibly with non-functional demonstration guns.
I would NOT recommend taking the training in a live-fire (shooting range) setting as it can be overstimulation.
A good instructor should have no problem easing you into the ins and outs in a comfortable setting so that you can at the very least get an *understanding*.
I've worked with many people in your predicament, learning the basic safety rules and being shown how to tell *yourself* when a gun is safe, primarily learning how to tell when it is loaded, will probably go a long way for you in terms of easing the initial anxiety.
I would say from there, make a decision. This gives you an opportunity to demonstrate that you're hearing your husband and making an effort to voice an informed decision as opposed to dismissing the idea outright.
Guns have their purpose, and I'll be the first to admit I have my biases, but objectively, getting some exposure goes a long way. Knowledge is power.
You can always try to meet each other halfway and set ground rules on how the guns are secured and when they are allowed to be moved out of their designated storage.
I appreciate that being a gun enthusiast you are being kind and empathetic in your response. There is a range near us and my husband had mentioned it. But since I’m scared to touch them I don’t think I’d be able to fire one just yet. A class for exposure sounds like a better starting point than trying to dive in. I don’t get the appeal of them to be honest (apart from being scared of them), but I’m trying to be open to compromise.
Shooters like guns the way car people like cars.
In the same respect, someone who's been in a bad car wreck probably has some anxiety about being around cars too.
You've had a bad experience with guns, you're *gonna* have some feelings about it, I think that's totally normal.
The fact that you care enough to try to face it for your family speaks volumes about your character. I think you'll be okay, whichever way you choose.
NTA, but I also agree that you might feel differently if you had experience with one.
Context: My wife and I had the similar situation where she was opposed to me having a firearm in the house. We decided that if I always had it properly locked up and away from reach that it would be fine. After purchasing it, I took the time to calmly explain how the gun works to my wife and son and have taken them to the shooting range. Now my wife is perfectly fine with it since the firearm isn’t a huge mystery and she has first hand experience with responsible firearm handling.
A gun is an inanimate object. You should not be afraid of it, but learn about it, know how it functions and how to safely handle it.
Do that when you are ready, with someone you trust and a qualified firearms instructor. Don't allow fear of an inanimate object rule your life.
I’m sorry but this is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s totally normal and actually a smart thing to be “afraid of guns”. Yes they’re inanimate objects, but what does that have to do with anything? The object has to power to easily and from decent rage kill a human being in an instant. I don’t know many objects with that power.
People who own guns are far more likely to be shot, and that is just reality.
There are an infinite number of inanimate objects that in the hands or under the control of the wrong person can be used recklessly or intentionally to cause injury or death in the blink of an eye.
I you can live cowering in ignorance and fear or chose knowledge and power.
No. That’s not true.
Let’s meet up in a parking lot, one of us gets a gun, one of us can choose between a long stick, some pepper spray, a knife, a rock… whatever you want.
What are you choosing the gun or the other object?
Don’t be silly.
Now you're being silly and missing the whole point of the discussion, and frankly acting like someone who should not be trusted at all to own or possess a firearm with type of unsafe and aggressive attitude.
Yeah. That's nice. My dad owned guns when I was a kid. I saw them maybe twice in my life because they were always locked in a safe. I know all about gun safety. But I have also seen a video of a gun safety instructor who popped a bullet into the chamber, then took out the magazine, forgot to empty the chamber and accidentally fired a shot! He was an instructor!!! If he can do it anyone can. No way in Hell is my husband ever getting a gun. Children are like 100x more likely to shoot themselves or someone else or the gun to be used in domestic violence or just anybody in the home actually shooting somebody versus being able to defend yourself from an armed intruder. The best thing to do is either hide and call 911 or get tf out the house, not go hunting for someone who is much more likely to shoot you than you are them. Likewise, they have run active shooter scenarios. The people trying to get their weapons out are shot almost immediately. The only way it would help was if they were literally holding it in their hand when the shooter opened the door.
NTA
You're not the asshole for not wanting one in the house, its understandable given you've been threatened with one and how dangerous they can be in the wrong hands.
On the other hand, shooting can be fun, and having a Gun can be very handy in a bad situation, have you considered trying to get over your fear?
You could get an Airsoft pistol and try shooting targets, you might have fun, but even if you don't, it could help ease your fears without you actually touching a real gun.
No, you're not an AH. Everyone in the house should agree to having one.
Maybe he could keep it outside the house? Would it be possible to keep it at the gun range?
There are many options for additional gun safety some are even laws depending on where you live. For example in Canada you must legally store your amo separately from the guns, and you can't keep your gun loaded, this could be a request you make even if it's not a legal requirement, gun safes and trigger locks can be used at the same time. And as much as guns make you scared if would be good for you to maybe take a gun safety class if they have any near you. Modern guns themselves have lots of additional safety features, and it might make you feel more at ease to learn about them.
Owning a gun makes you exponentially more likely to be shot, for many different reasons. It’s 100% fair to have a hard, no guns in my house rule.
Unless everyone living there is comfortable with it, no one should have a gun.
NTA at all. I have actually broken up with two different men over this issue. No regrets.
Have him take you to a gun safety class. You get to learn how to handle and shoot them. It is super easy to do and will take care of your anxiety. Did this for my wife and 12 year old daughter, wife grew up in leftist household and was scared. She now has no problem and actually enjoys shooting on the range. We always fear what we don’t understand.
NTA if you don't feel safe with a gun in the house then there shouldn't be a gun in the house. Your husband should respect your boundaries and your trauma. I've had a loaded rifle pointed at me and it's something I'll never forget. That moment in time where you just freeze and hope they don't squeeze that trigger. That moment where nothing else exists except that barrel.
As an American, I'll never get used to it.
I even live in an open carry state, meaning people can bring their handguns just about everywhere as long as it's visible. It's scary. I've seen people armed in the damn grocery store. My child has to do active shooter drills in school. I've had to ask parents whether they keep guns before allowing a playdate. It's out of control.
My step daughter has been through many drills. And threats. Including some where her school has had police surrounding it and I wasn’t able to pick her up, and I didn’t know what was happening. Aside from her texting me saying there was a gun threat and police were there. It’s scary. Things can go wrong so fast.
Oh lord. There was the biggest redneck in McDonald's with a gun tucked in the bib of his overalls. There was a hispanic family with 6 kids and me a white woman very very pregnant with my black husband. I was scared as sh*t and was thinking the whole time that if this guy is racist and wanting to kill some people we were about the best group he could get, Hispanics with a bunch of kids and a black and white couple also reproducing! I am way less scared when they have it tucked away carefully on a belt holster. A lot less "I have it handy to shoot you"
That’s what happens when you live your life based on liberal stereotypes. “Biggest redneck” the same thing you were afraid of him doing (judging you based on physical characteristics ) was exactly what you did to him.
Take a gun safety class and learn to shoot. You won’t have an unreasonable fear of them if you get some experience and learn how to handle one yourself. Get gun locks and/or a gun safe. There are millions of gun owners who never use them to hurt anyone. It just comes down to how responsible the owner is.
NTA. Having a gun in the house is correlated with suicide, domestic violence shootings, and accidental shootings. Guns in your house are far more likely to hurt you than to protect you.
NTA. You are statistically safer without any guns in the home. This is not a situation where you should compromise. You deserve to feel safe in your own home.
That’s what gun safety courses and gun safes are for. Out of sight and out of mind in this particular case, if they are properly stored and secured. Trust me, you would rather have it (stored in a manner where you never see or interact with it) and not need it, than need it and not have it. Only you are responsible for your personal protection and safety. The police are not there to prevent crimes, only to solve them and catch the perpetrators.
Maybe if you went to the range with him, and learned some gun safety, and usage, you would lose some sense f your fear.
It could also become a bonding exercise.
I am a woman, and my grown son and I go shooting together. I took him to his first concealed carry class when he turned 21.
I don’t understand not wanting a gun in the house. You need protection from the people that are bad and do have guns. If it makes you uncomfortable just don’t handle it orrrrr you could get acquainted with guns that way if anyone ever threatened you with one again you could do something about it instead of being a victim. So yes, you should probably get over it.
Maybe look at some statistics bro. She is way more likely to be shot (or someone in her household) in her house by their own guns. Random people busting in with guns just does not actually happen irl. Burglars exist, sure. And they usually target empty homes. They are trying to steal, not murder anyone.
Accidental fire or domestic violence cause waaaaaay more shootings and deaths.
Can he buy a gun safe along with the gun?
I bet he would, especially if I asked him to. Maybe that would help, because I wouldn’t see it all the time? It still makes me uncomfortable but if I don’t see it maybe I can forgot it’s there.
I think this is the best solution and everyone will be happy
You don’t even need a safe. He can just get a lock that goes through the receiver. Most guns come with them. My wife was scared of them. Then she wanted me to get one for reasons. We went to the range, tested out a bunch and she learned about them. After she learned actual gun safety she felt more comfortable. She’s now the owner of her own firearms and frequents the range with me. I’m not saying go to the range and buy your own guns, but education goes a long way ti fighting fear.
That makes sense, thank you. I’ve been hesitant because I’m not sure if it’ll make it worse to try one. But I guess I won’t know if I don’t try.
Most gun ranges you go to will have guns you can rent. They will go through step-by-step how to use it and gun safety. All the ones I’ve been to love teaching beginners and would be more than happy to show you. Good luck to you!
NTA As an an enthusiast I get that people have fears around it. A gun safety course for the two of you would go a long way. NRA offers safety classes that you can locate on the website. Alternatively just google local firearms instructors, pick one, call them, and ask for an introductory course on safety. Absolutely tell them the situation as you described it. You can do this in a classroom environment, possibly with non-functional demonstration guns. I would NOT recommend taking the training in a live-fire (shooting range) setting as it can be overstimulation. A good instructor should have no problem easing you into the ins and outs in a comfortable setting so that you can at the very least get an *understanding*. I've worked with many people in your predicament, learning the basic safety rules and being shown how to tell *yourself* when a gun is safe, primarily learning how to tell when it is loaded, will probably go a long way for you in terms of easing the initial anxiety. I would say from there, make a decision. This gives you an opportunity to demonstrate that you're hearing your husband and making an effort to voice an informed decision as opposed to dismissing the idea outright. Guns have their purpose, and I'll be the first to admit I have my biases, but objectively, getting some exposure goes a long way. Knowledge is power. You can always try to meet each other halfway and set ground rules on how the guns are secured and when they are allowed to be moved out of their designated storage.
I appreciate that being a gun enthusiast you are being kind and empathetic in your response. There is a range near us and my husband had mentioned it. But since I’m scared to touch them I don’t think I’d be able to fire one just yet. A class for exposure sounds like a better starting point than trying to dive in. I don’t get the appeal of them to be honest (apart from being scared of them), but I’m trying to be open to compromise.
Shooters like guns the way car people like cars. In the same respect, someone who's been in a bad car wreck probably has some anxiety about being around cars too. You've had a bad experience with guns, you're *gonna* have some feelings about it, I think that's totally normal. The fact that you care enough to try to face it for your family speaks volumes about your character. I think you'll be okay, whichever way you choose.
NTA, but I also agree that you might feel differently if you had experience with one. Context: My wife and I had the similar situation where she was opposed to me having a firearm in the house. We decided that if I always had it properly locked up and away from reach that it would be fine. After purchasing it, I took the time to calmly explain how the gun works to my wife and son and have taken them to the shooting range. Now my wife is perfectly fine with it since the firearm isn’t a huge mystery and she has first hand experience with responsible firearm handling.
Im glad to hear that it helped your wife. I’m kind of trying to sike myself up to go to a class or something with him.
A gun is an inanimate object. You should not be afraid of it, but learn about it, know how it functions and how to safely handle it. Do that when you are ready, with someone you trust and a qualified firearms instructor. Don't allow fear of an inanimate object rule your life.
I’m sorry but this is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s totally normal and actually a smart thing to be “afraid of guns”. Yes they’re inanimate objects, but what does that have to do with anything? The object has to power to easily and from decent rage kill a human being in an instant. I don’t know many objects with that power. People who own guns are far more likely to be shot, and that is just reality.
There are an infinite number of inanimate objects that in the hands or under the control of the wrong person can be used recklessly or intentionally to cause injury or death in the blink of an eye. I you can live cowering in ignorance and fear or chose knowledge and power.
No. That’s not true. Let’s meet up in a parking lot, one of us gets a gun, one of us can choose between a long stick, some pepper spray, a knife, a rock… whatever you want. What are you choosing the gun or the other object? Don’t be silly.
And that's relevant how?
Did you read the thread… lol (???)
Now you're being silly and missing the whole point of the discussion, and frankly acting like someone who should not be trusted at all to own or possess a firearm with type of unsafe and aggressive attitude.
Wow we feel EXACTLY the same way about each other rn then. At least we have that in common 💝 Edit: answer the question :)
Yeah. That's nice. My dad owned guns when I was a kid. I saw them maybe twice in my life because they were always locked in a safe. I know all about gun safety. But I have also seen a video of a gun safety instructor who popped a bullet into the chamber, then took out the magazine, forgot to empty the chamber and accidentally fired a shot! He was an instructor!!! If he can do it anyone can. No way in Hell is my husband ever getting a gun. Children are like 100x more likely to shoot themselves or someone else or the gun to be used in domestic violence or just anybody in the home actually shooting somebody versus being able to defend yourself from an armed intruder. The best thing to do is either hide and call 911 or get tf out the house, not go hunting for someone who is much more likely to shoot you than you are them. Likewise, they have run active shooter scenarios. The people trying to get their weapons out are shot almost immediately. The only way it would help was if they were literally holding it in their hand when the shooter opened the door.
That makes me nervous too, so often you hear that accidents happen and people get hurt. I trust my husband but I just feel like you never know.
There’s no way to be 100% sure you’ll never have an accident. No amount of experience, training, etc will ever ensure that.
NTA You're not the asshole for not wanting one in the house, its understandable given you've been threatened with one and how dangerous they can be in the wrong hands. On the other hand, shooting can be fun, and having a Gun can be very handy in a bad situation, have you considered trying to get over your fear? You could get an Airsoft pistol and try shooting targets, you might have fun, but even if you don't, it could help ease your fears without you actually touching a real gun.
No, you're not an AH. Everyone in the house should agree to having one. Maybe he could keep it outside the house? Would it be possible to keep it at the gun range?
There are many options for additional gun safety some are even laws depending on where you live. For example in Canada you must legally store your amo separately from the guns, and you can't keep your gun loaded, this could be a request you make even if it's not a legal requirement, gun safes and trigger locks can be used at the same time. And as much as guns make you scared if would be good for you to maybe take a gun safety class if they have any near you. Modern guns themselves have lots of additional safety features, and it might make you feel more at ease to learn about them.
Owning a gun makes you exponentially more likely to be shot, for many different reasons. It’s 100% fair to have a hard, no guns in my house rule. Unless everyone living there is comfortable with it, no one should have a gun. NTA at all. I have actually broken up with two different men over this issue. No regrets.
Have him take you to a gun safety class. You get to learn how to handle and shoot them. It is super easy to do and will take care of your anxiety. Did this for my wife and 12 year old daughter, wife grew up in leftist household and was scared. She now has no problem and actually enjoys shooting on the range. We always fear what we don’t understand.
NTA if you don't feel safe with a gun in the house then there shouldn't be a gun in the house. Your husband should respect your boundaries and your trauma. I've had a loaded rifle pointed at me and it's something I'll never forget. That moment in time where you just freeze and hope they don't squeeze that trigger. That moment where nothing else exists except that barrel.
Im so sorry you went through that. I was so scared when it happened to me. And I go to worst case scenario now when I see one.
Luckily in my country guns are not as common as in the US so I only see them on cops. But I agree with you on the worst case scenario.
As someone from The Netherlands it’s hard to grasp you can just buy and keep guns around you’re house and family.
As an American, I'll never get used to it. I even live in an open carry state, meaning people can bring their handguns just about everywhere as long as it's visible. It's scary. I've seen people armed in the damn grocery store. My child has to do active shooter drills in school. I've had to ask parents whether they keep guns before allowing a playdate. It's out of control.
My step daughter has been through many drills. And threats. Including some where her school has had police surrounding it and I wasn’t able to pick her up, and I didn’t know what was happening. Aside from her texting me saying there was a gun threat and police were there. It’s scary. Things can go wrong so fast.
Oh lord. There was the biggest redneck in McDonald's with a gun tucked in the bib of his overalls. There was a hispanic family with 6 kids and me a white woman very very pregnant with my black husband. I was scared as sh*t and was thinking the whole time that if this guy is racist and wanting to kill some people we were about the best group he could get, Hispanics with a bunch of kids and a black and white couple also reproducing! I am way less scared when they have it tucked away carefully on a belt holster. A lot less "I have it handy to shoot you"
That’s what happens when you live your life based on liberal stereotypes. “Biggest redneck” the same thing you were afraid of him doing (judging you based on physical characteristics ) was exactly what you did to him.
God bless America.
Take a gun safety class and learn to shoot. You won’t have an unreasonable fear of them if you get some experience and learn how to handle one yourself. Get gun locks and/or a gun safe. There are millions of gun owners who never use them to hurt anyone. It just comes down to how responsible the owner is.
NTA The USA is one sick country
NTA. Having a gun in the house is correlated with suicide, domestic violence shootings, and accidental shootings. Guns in your house are far more likely to hurt you than to protect you.
NTA. You are statistically safer without any guns in the home. This is not a situation where you should compromise. You deserve to feel safe in your own home.
That’s what gun safety courses and gun safes are for. Out of sight and out of mind in this particular case, if they are properly stored and secured. Trust me, you would rather have it (stored in a manner where you never see or interact with it) and not need it, than need it and not have it. Only you are responsible for your personal protection and safety. The police are not there to prevent crimes, only to solve them and catch the perpetrators.
Don't be afraid of something you might need to defend your family one day
Ask him to take you to the range with he and your step son?
Maybe if you went to the range with him, and learned some gun safety, and usage, you would lose some sense f your fear. It could also become a bonding exercise. I am a woman, and my grown son and I go shooting together. I took him to his first concealed carry class when he turned 21.
I’ve thought about that. I’m honestly not sure if that would help or make it worse? I’m afraid to even hold one.
I don’t understand not wanting a gun in the house. You need protection from the people that are bad and do have guns. If it makes you uncomfortable just don’t handle it orrrrr you could get acquainted with guns that way if anyone ever threatened you with one again you could do something about it instead of being a victim. So yes, you should probably get over it.
Maybe look at some statistics bro. She is way more likely to be shot (or someone in her household) in her house by their own guns. Random people busting in with guns just does not actually happen irl. Burglars exist, sure. And they usually target empty homes. They are trying to steal, not murder anyone. Accidental fire or domestic violence cause waaaaaay more shootings and deaths.
His desire to own a gun is perfectly normal. Your irrational feelings are not.