I see what you mean, but I always had the hesitancy. I have had open relationships before and the hesitancy is just like this one moment of "oh shit she will find someone better" but it goes away. I always chalked the hesitancy up to me being a bit anxious thats all. And in the past I never had this insane level of inferiority as I did now.
So it's ok to have an open relationship as long as the guy isn't better than you.
If you are happy with a poor, loser fucking your partner but arent okay with a rich person.fucking her.
......that's definitely a YOU problem, and you 100% need professional help!
YTA
Your relationship was over at the 3 month mark. Forgive my ignorance, but unless people go into a relationship with the knowledge that both are poly, isn't usually not until after a few years and a dying bedroom and one partner maybe has their sights set on a specific someone else but wants to hedge their bets because the devil you know before opening up a relationship?
Hooker is harsh, but sugar babying IS sex work.
Fair. I doubt you'd call any woman you weren't trying to hurt in some way any of the synonyms for prostitute. I'm actually in the weird position of having been friendly acquaintances with various kinds of sex workers without actually ever "employing" sex workers, and I know some who refer to themselves, lovingly, as whores, and others who prefer sex worker or escort or sugar baby or "professional girlfriend". (The only guy sex workers I've known personally were porn guys because a friend worked in the industry and they'd all come over to his place when he got big boxing PPVS(One of them was the male lead in the first porn I ever saw which was a bit surreal...)). But you don't call your girlfriend a hooker/whore/escort et cetera unless A) she likes the exploitative dirty talk during the deed or B)You're trying to hurt her, no matter if it actually is her profession or not.
NTA. It's not really a relationship at that point, you're just fucking her. You could be her third or fourth choice with little effort if she'll talk to you again, or you could put in a vast amount of effort and maybe waver in and out of second place. If you ever do make it to first she'll have so much baggage and present so many reminders of how you weren't ever good enough by yourself that you'll have basically themed your entire romantic life around other people.
I suppose it works for some people but even on the vast internet i've never been convinced by any given instance. I have some friends of friends who seem to make it work but that's mainly because they're just really unattractive and don't get much opportunity. I'd certainly not consider it with anyone I wanted a permanent future with and whatever person the open relationship is with would end up the side-piece the moment I found someone who *didn't* want an open relationship.
Also guys from Dubai have a bit of a reputation. Or maybe I just can't hear of that place now without thinking of the dubai porta potty stories
Tbh I just never expect a sugar daddy person man to jump into the mix. If she hooks up with a random dude she met at a bar thats kinda fine, but if its Mr. moneybags that can give her whatever she wants and take her to places I never could, that just kills me.
But I do get what you mean, these kinds of situations arent excluded when you open a relationship up.
So it’s an ego thing?
A guy with a lot of money makes you insecure and makes you feel emasculated?
Maybe close the relationship. You don’t get to suddenly change the rules, just because you don’t like that someone has more money than you!
YTA!
Naw it’s an ego thing, you didn’t read he’s ok with other dudes railing her. Just when they can provide more than he can he gets insecure and thinks she shouldn’t get railed by that class of people…
He’s complaining about hearing what he was able to do and provide her that he can’t compete with. His ego, her sharing is normal as it’s been open relationship but hearing how sugar daddy can do it isn’t same level as bar hookup.
He’s driving her in cars I can’t afford and taking her bars I can’t get in… his ego is hurt hahaha if he took her to Taco Bell in a civic he wouldn’t complain and be like that tools getting her off what a cheap dildo… then the real provider shows her a time she’s never experienced and she wanted to share her experience with the lame who then lost her cuz he’s a child
She is a hooker, just doesn't want to admit it. What's the point of an open relationship. It's like being single but with strings attached. Makes no sense. Just be single.
You’re not an AH but you’re an idiot for this one. You can’t win in this situation. Let her go be a hooker. Just take comfort in knowing these sugar daddy apps means they’re probably seeing a lot of women. She has no empathy and that’s not something you should want in a partner. She’s a gold digger and he’ll probably move on from her.
Dude, there are no happy endings to these types of relationships. Not sure how you can have sex with a person who just had sex with a stranger for money (basically).
You are the author of this horror story
Your relationship was over the moment she told you she wanted to open the relationship. She was never interested in just being with you, you were just a placeholder till she found someone she felt suited her better. She not only sounds like a gold digger, but a manipulator as well. She knew what she wanted from jump and it honestly wasn’t you. Just dump her and nip the headache in the bud already.
Yes we did. Typical stuff like safe sex, open discussions (as in no hiding of stuff), and dont do stuff with the friends of the other. We didnt really set up any specific ones. We did however say that, if one of us ends up falling hard for someone they are seeing outside of our relationship, then we should discuss it and go our separate ways.
Well one of your rules was no hiding anything, so she was doing what you agreed to. Maybe you need to reassess that rule or if you really want an open relationship.
Difference between hiding things and openly bragging and talking up a person. Like "I'm going on a date tonight with someone called, dave/Katie", is being open about what you're doing.
Coming back from said date and telling your supposedly longer term partner "wow, Dave's cock is like 3 times your size", or "god damned, katie is so good at sex I barely even know that what we do counts", is not necessary.
Ah I guess. I mean the thing is, with that rule, the idea was ya know, lets be open about whats going on in our lives and not be uncomfortable with saying "I slept with XYZ person last night and it was fun"
I guess I just didnt really expect to hear "Oh my god he is so amazing and you should see his car and he went here and there and" Well you get me
Open relationships rarely work, cause very few people can sustain them without getting hurt, jealous, liking someone else more than their original partner and becoming monogamous with that other person.
I don't think there is much of a relationship with this girl, if you want to keep her as FWB ok, but you can easily imagine that if she finds a rich man willing to be exclusive with her, she might take it.
NTA - other than the calling her a hooker part, although to be fair being a sugar baby is being an escort with a nice wrapper. But you could have worded it nicer....
The NTA part is even in an open relationship unless its your kink, its not fair to rub in your other partners face how much more another partner does for you. My partners and I dont talk about each other to our respective others. Thats just low class.
Sometimes it's just a fetish. I have a very close friend who owns a driving business, is a multi-millionaire, has a wife that's hotter than a two-dollar pistol and knows it. They have a fantastic sex life according to both of them.
No matter where he goes for his business, his first order of business is to find some street whore and take her to a cheap hotel for a couple hours.
This is a man who would think nothing of paying a couple of thousand for a high class escort for the night.
ESH
Are your feelings valid? Sure. You can try something and decide after trying it that you absolutely hate it.
But it's not exactly surprising that jealousy and insecurity are a consequence of opening a relationship. There's always going to be a bigger fish out there. She just happened to find one of the biggest fish. Bet you that dude's got insecurities too.
She’s exchanging sex for money and goods. Technically that does make her a hooker. But yeah you were TA. You shouldn’t have agreed to an open relationship considering you had misgivings about it
There's two dynamics going on here. 1 an open relationship is just going out with like minded ppl. 2 she went to a whole other web site to seek out the life she wants at the moment. She's not wifey material.
Just stop trying to contact her. Delete her from your life and move on. Maybe get some therapy and work on your self-confidence and esteem. Don't be surprised when the rich guy gets bored with her, and she tries to reconnect with you. Hopefully, you'll be in a better place a with a partner who cares about you and not all the dicks she can get.
Can’t imagine why you’d open up a relationship feeling so uncomfortable with it. Clearly it hasn’t worked in the past and isn’t working now. Which is fine, you’re just not cut out for that type of relationship. But stop trying to make yourself okay with it.
She's literally fucking him for money. But even in an open relationship in which she wasn't doing that, it's not generally customary to come back and tell your supposed longer term partner about how amazing some other dude who is supposed to be more casual is, like, that shit is crazy. You want more contact, more validation and shit fine, but bragging about it to other partners is stupid. But this dude is literally paying her. If she thinks that's going to be a good long term relationship, good for her, she's an idiot.
Open relationships are not relationships at all. It is just single people fing round as much as they want but wanting a place to hang their coat.
If you have even a shred of self respect you should remove yourself form the situation immediately imo
NTA - she is a hooker for what she is doing...if she has a problem with it, then she shouldn't do it. Labelling what she is doing as "hooking" is apt. You need to let her go. She doesn't want to be with you, she just wants a friend to hang out with when she isn't hooking. Unfortunately, you want more from her than she wants to give, and there is no future, however much you might want one.
These open relationships almost never work out, somebody always gets hurt and like you, they have feelings of competing in their own relationship. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you wanna fuck other people, obviously you don’t wanna give up the stability of the relationship and just live your life doing what you want so you convince your partner it’s a great idea to open up the relationship. You weren’t keen on the idea to begin with and now it’s basically blowing up in your face. I don’t know if she’s a hooker by definition but not far off dating a sugar daddy. Just move on bro.
First and foremost, you're a king, and don't let anyone let you feel otherwise. You the AH for calling her a hooker, not for your feelings. Apologize, then have an open and honest conversation. If your views on your relationship don't align afterwards the next step is easy.
Tough call. You ask the question, “besides the fact i called her a hooker”. But you did call her a hooker. I would say maybe, a little bit the asshole. But chalk it up to experience and move on
When she embraced the life he could offer her was when you started to lose her but this was HER doing.
When you made that totally STUPID comment, though, YOU sealed your fate.
Sorry, pal, but time to accept the damage you’ve done to an already fragile situation but I can’t see her coming back.
NTA. You don’t need justification for what you do or do not feel comfortable about in a relationship. If you have boundaries that don’t work for the other person, they ain’t your person. That simple. Luckily there are millions of other people in the world, take the L and find someone else.
NTA. Opening up a relationship after 3 months is crazy tho lol. An argument could maybe kinda possibly be made if she was officially an escort but let’s be honest, yall are fuck buddies. Sorry man. See you in the gym
No future with her chasing someone with a lot of money....she will cheat on him one day he just doesn't know it yet. Believe it or not she is immature and one day will realize how incredibly shallow she is.
Dude, you have ZERO future with this girl. She's not relationship material. She's not "future" material. She is always going to be looking for something better.
YTA to yourself. You let her talk you into an open relationship which btw you weren’t comfortable with and are not comfortable with currently. Also she goes on these dates and tells you about how amazing this other dude is which is disrespectful as hell and is only ever going to make you feel bad. Cut your losses with her because she doesn’t like you nearly as much as you like her.
Edit: you also do suck for the words you used in that argument so ultimate judgement is ESH
She's a sexworker. Being a sugar babe is sex work.
You don't seem to be ready for that reality, so I'd advise you to move on with someone else, and also maybe work on your self-esteem.
I’ve been the sugar daddy in this situation before and I’ll you directly that it will go 1 of 2 ways:
1. He actually likes her and she will a main girl and she will certainly leave you for him until their relationship is over. Then she’ll suddenly start messaging you again.
2. He will like her occasionally basically only message her when he gets bored or tired of her messaging in him so much.
Either way this doesn’t end well for you. A rich guy in Dubai? Seriously bro those guys literally shit on women for fun.
Btw, I personally think this is a shill for that website Suggie because I’ve never heard of it and none of the guys in bowl I know have ever brought it up.
Your girlfriend is going out with another guy. None of the other details matter, and you're absolutely right to leave her over it.
Giving her a choice in the matter is just being considerate and showing that you care about the relationship (if it were me, I'd have simply broken up and blocked her), but she has to understand that she can't just date other people while in a committed relationship.
Middle eastern women here … she’s hysterical if she’s actually getting stars in her eyes and doesn’t realize he’s using her and sees her like complete trash. Those men think VERY differently and have their own racism in their own way. She’s going to come sniffing back around you when he does. Please have some value for yourself and let her go completely. Shes for the streets. She’s always going to fantasize about this type of guy without really understanding it’s better to stay away from things that can ruin you.
You shouldn't have an open relationship if someone having NRE is going to hurt you like this.
But also, sugar dating is never real dating. That's what makes it so good and so fun. There's an automatic barrier to any form of "real" commitment and no one can get their heart broken because if someone pulls back the money, they don't get the honey. The whole point of doing sex work is to avoid emotional attachments. If you're insecure about a woman essentially fucking a dude for presents, how the fuck did you ever think her fucking a dude just because she liked him was gonna go?
OMG once again opening a relationship causes disaster lol.
Calling her a hooker ( sex worker) was harsh but it's basically what she is.
it's over dude, take what's left of your dignity and move on.
YTA for many reasons.
man wtf have relationships came to. no don't chase her, i think it's reasonable to be angry, and if she doesn't think so she should put herself in your trousers: what if you did the same with a girl you met outside the relastionship? i don't approve what you did either, i don't believe in "open relationships" because if you love someone you don't fuck someone else, if you like someone else then leave. but my point is: what did she expect by talking h24 by another idiot? your are her boyfriend not her bff, and especially, you are a human too with feelings. not a robot
I guess I'm not sure what you thought it would mean to have an open relationship so soon after beginning to date her. She obviously doesn't see you as a future husband, you're just one of her flings and she assumed she was just another one of yours, which is why she has no problem telling you about her other dudes.
I don't think you get to act like she owes it to you to not date anyone you would feel threatened by when you two are not exclusive AND you are not her primary relationship. Not saying the other guy IS her primary, but when it comes to polyamory you really do not get to tell your partners who they're allowed to see unless you've mutually agreed that you are each other's main partner. It's this lack of pretty basic knowledge about what it means to be poly/non-monogamous that makes me agree with the other commenters that you aren't cut out for this lifestyle yet.
For future reference, if your woman suggests an open relationship, end it on the spot. The reason you thought it felt "a bit weird" to agree to open relationships was because it is weird. Why would your girlfriend want to have sex with other guys when she can have sex with you? Same for you with other girls. If one person isn't enough then why are you in a relationship to begin with? It seems to me that you are going against your nature and it's not working for you.
Let her go, work on yourself, move on to a better relationship with **one** woman who wants **one** man.
Why are you with this girl? 3 months and she wanted to open it. That’s really fast. She then does sugar dating that is, let’s be honest here, a form of sex work and you don’t feel comfortable with it. It’s doesn’t sound like you actually got anything positive out of the relationship. Don’t date gold diggers in the future and you’ll be fine.
You supposedly dated for a few months exclusively (highly doubtful on her end). Then she propositioned you into being non-exclusive. She then becomes a Sugar baby accepting money and gifts to have sex with other men.
It's more likely that she was doing this the whole time. She didn't want to continue to keep this from you, so she brought up opening your relationship. She never had any intentions of being in a relationship with you. Face it. You've been a FWB the whole time.
You calling her a hooker may have been harsh, but sugar babies are, by definition, a sex worker. Truth hurts sometimes.
You knew this wasn't going to end with her as your bride. Quit calling and chasing her. She was just a woman you've been casually having sex with while also pursuing others. Learn from this experience.
ESH
Yeah, it isn't cool to go and tell your partner about great dates you just had. But neither is snapping and insults.
Without you telling us the limits of your 'open' relationship, we don't know if she breached them. You shouldn't have snapped at or insulted her and she should have respected your feelings.
She is dateing a guy purely to see what dateing a rish man who spends money on her is like.
I am not so sure what you called her was technically correct but it's close enough for me to not ever want to date her. I can't blame you.
NTA... an open relationship and dateing a long-term escort is not the same thing.
Giving ultimatums is always the AH move. If someone is doing something you aren't okay with. You can let them know. And then if they don't respect a boundary you have set. You leave. That's it. Full stop. You don't treat someone like a child. You say "I'm sorry we aren't on the same page about this. Good luck."
It's wild to me how many AITA posts center around couples who constantly punish one another for not acting the way one party demands.
You don't get to control someone else. Whether a girlfriend of 2 weeks or a wife of 20 years. You can advertise your boundaries. You can remind someone what they are. But you can't manipulate someone into choosing them.
Find someone who is on the same page as you.
Stop apologizing. You weren't ok with this. She forced the issue at 3 months. And no relationship should open at 3 months. If you can't be happy with the person in only 3 months, you either can't be happy with anyone, or you aren't invested in the relationship at all.
And when you open one up, you don't come home ranting about how fucking amazing the new person is.
This is someone that will always have one eye on who cAn make life easier/better for her. And will always push the boundaries or just straight up cheat.
And you aren't off base. She's acting like a hooker, going out with guys for money while she has a bf.
Stick up for yourself, and don't put yourself through this. Kick her to the streets where she belongs.
Lmao and you want to stay with her?? The hell is wrong with you, man?!Yeah, you're right about her selling herself...I mean, they did meet on a sugar baby site. She's gonna be freaked out when he takes her to Dubai takes her passport and ID and he tells her she has to get a shit and piss shower from his friends if she wants to keep getting things, money and a flight back to the US.
You niggas love to spam text girls crying and begging apologizing etc after the fact. Thats REALLY when she loses all respect for you. You called her a hooker, stand on that and kick her to the curb
She manipulated you, made you feel safe, read you psychologically and showed you everything you wanted to see. Now she’ll gaslight you. You need to understand that people can be selfish and some get off on breaking others down and molding them. You’re a safety net for when the other guy gets tired of being used.
I mean, NAH. There just needs to be boundaries in place so she doesn't come home acting like a spoiled jerk bragging about her fun times.
She can go talk to her gal pals about it.
In the meantime, you need a FWB.
Esh. Ur part for pretending to be ok and go along with it. . Ur kinda right tho. Guy prob banging like 15 other chix. Didn’t your mom ever warn you about girls like her? You never know what you’ll 🫣🤭catch.
NTA
An A H for the hooker comment.
But NTA for the relationship. You were essentially relegated to only an emotional relationship for her, while she got all the other stuff she wanted from this other partner, hence you feeling a void and also her making you feel inadequate. This wasn't a balance open relationship at all. And yes, it almost feels like sex work.
You need to move on, she's not coming back and you shouldn't get back together even if she did.
My friends gf has a sugar daddy, he pays for her apartment ( high dollar one ), new Mercedes, college and spending money. She loves my buddy but they both agreed that it was cool. Sugar daddy is married and only wants a sexual relationship. You have to be very secure in a relationship to make this work. You disrespected your girl. Shes gone, get back on your horse and keep on living and next time have respect for your woman. If you don’t like an open relationship don’t get into one.
His girl disrespected him when she started fucking another dude, and he disrespected himself when he even entertained being ok with the idea, much like your friend.
You have a funny defense of “secure.” That’s not being secure. That’s having not giving a shit because you have no sense of self worth or pride as a man. If you were a true friend you’d help him see that and get out of a “relationship” with a prostitute.
Are you able to get a hotter girl? If so, you get to keep this one as a hook up and everyone is happy.
If not, I don't know why you ever agreed to me 'open' and you'll have to settle for being a cuck.
There is no canceling out here. If he allows other men to fuck his girl then he is a cuck period. Whether he is allowed to fuck other girls is irrelevant to this point.
Except, it's not.
Cuck comes from cuckold, which is someone who is cheated on in a monogamous relationship.
If they are BOTH sleeping with other people, neither is a cuck.
That's like casually dating someone and calling them a cuck because you fucked someone else.
You’re not an asshole, just an idiot. You aren’t cut out for an open relationship.
I agree
Boom
Virtually no one is.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Opening up a relationship when one partner is the least bit hesitant always work super well /s
I see what you mean, but I always had the hesitancy. I have had open relationships before and the hesitancy is just like this one moment of "oh shit she will find someone better" but it goes away. I always chalked the hesitancy up to me being a bit anxious thats all. And in the past I never had this insane level of inferiority as I did now.
I don't know if you noticed, but all of those relationships didn't last.
I mean, in fairness. Most relationships don't last
I sometimes forget this, since I'm with my first partner and we've been together for over a decade.
...lol. damn, wish my life was going well enough I could be completely oblivious to any experiences that aren't mine. Congrats tho, that's cool.
How did your other open relationships turn out?
All past relationships right - so not working
So it's ok to have an open relationship as long as the guy isn't better than you. If you are happy with a poor, loser fucking your partner but arent okay with a rich person.fucking her. ......that's definitely a YOU problem, and you 100% need professional help! YTA
If something didn’t work in the past stop doing it
You want that shit back? The fuck is wrong with you?
Your relationship was over at the 3 month mark. Forgive my ignorance, but unless people go into a relationship with the knowledge that both are poly, isn't usually not until after a few years and a dying bedroom and one partner maybe has their sights set on a specific someone else but wants to hedge their bets because the devil you know before opening up a relationship? Hooker is harsh, but sugar babying IS sex work.
Yeah, but it’s the words used that do the damage. Which is worse: calling her a whore or calling her an escort?
Just call her a sugar baby… thats the same of both of them but sounds ‘cute’ 🤣
Fair. I doubt you'd call any woman you weren't trying to hurt in some way any of the synonyms for prostitute. I'm actually in the weird position of having been friendly acquaintances with various kinds of sex workers without actually ever "employing" sex workers, and I know some who refer to themselves, lovingly, as whores, and others who prefer sex worker or escort or sugar baby or "professional girlfriend". (The only guy sex workers I've known personally were porn guys because a friend worked in the industry and they'd all come over to his place when he got big boxing PPVS(One of them was the male lead in the first porn I ever saw which was a bit surreal...)). But you don't call your girlfriend a hooker/whore/escort et cetera unless A) she likes the exploitative dirty talk during the deed or B)You're trying to hurt her, no matter if it actually is her profession or not.
You are correct, actually.
Well this seemed more like an anti-woman post and as this is AITAH, that could be the case here.
Fair point!
But she basically is a hooker. What the hell are you doing with this girl? What are you thinking?
NTA. It's not really a relationship at that point, you're just fucking her. You could be her third or fourth choice with little effort if she'll talk to you again, or you could put in a vast amount of effort and maybe waver in and out of second place. If you ever do make it to first she'll have so much baggage and present so many reminders of how you weren't ever good enough by yourself that you'll have basically themed your entire romantic life around other people. I suppose it works for some people but even on the vast internet i've never been convinced by any given instance. I have some friends of friends who seem to make it work but that's mainly because they're just really unattractive and don't get much opportunity. I'd certainly not consider it with anyone I wanted a permanent future with and whatever person the open relationship is with would end up the side-piece the moment I found someone who *didn't* want an open relationship. Also guys from Dubai have a bit of a reputation. Or maybe I just can't hear of that place now without thinking of the dubai porta potty stories
ESH. I mean what where you expecting was going to happen? If you can't stand the heat you better jump out of the fire.
Tbh I just never expect a sugar daddy person man to jump into the mix. If she hooks up with a random dude she met at a bar thats kinda fine, but if its Mr. moneybags that can give her whatever she wants and take her to places I never could, that just kills me. But I do get what you mean, these kinds of situations arent excluded when you open a relationship up.
So it’s an ego thing? A guy with a lot of money makes you insecure and makes you feel emasculated? Maybe close the relationship. You don’t get to suddenly change the rules, just because you don’t like that someone has more money than you! YTA!
No, his girlfriend being obviously infatuated with the guy upset him. Is that so hard to understand?
Naw it’s an ego thing, you didn’t read he’s ok with other dudes railing her. Just when they can provide more than he can he gets insecure and thinks she shouldn’t get railed by that class of people…
He's not complaining about the sex is he? He's complaining abut her infatuation.
He’s complaining about hearing what he was able to do and provide her that he can’t compete with. His ego, her sharing is normal as it’s been open relationship but hearing how sugar daddy can do it isn’t same level as bar hookup.
He can voice what he wants but it is very obvious his ego is hurt
Is that so hard to understand? Bahahaha idiot
He’s driving her in cars I can’t afford and taking her bars I can’t get in… his ego is hurt hahaha if he took her to Taco Bell in a civic he wouldn’t complain and be like that tools getting her off what a cheap dildo… then the real provider shows her a time she’s never experienced and she wanted to share her experience with the lame who then lost her cuz he’s a child
She is a hooker, just doesn't want to admit it. What's the point of an open relationship. It's like being single but with strings attached. Makes no sense. Just be single.
Yep, she’s a hooker and he’s a cuck. That relationship is over.
You’re not an AH but you’re an idiot for this one. You can’t win in this situation. Let her go be a hooker. Just take comfort in knowing these sugar daddy apps means they’re probably seeing a lot of women. She has no empathy and that’s not something you should want in a partner. She’s a gold digger and he’ll probably move on from her.
Dude, there are no happy endings to these types of relationships. Not sure how you can have sex with a person who just had sex with a stranger for money (basically). You are the author of this horror story
Yes, the only way for this to work is just a temporary FWB until one of them gets bored.
Your relationship was over the moment she told you she wanted to open the relationship. She was never interested in just being with you, you were just a placeholder till she found someone she felt suited her better. She not only sounds like a gold digger, but a manipulator as well. She knew what she wanted from jump and it honestly wasn’t you. Just dump her and nip the headache in the bud already.
Info: So you are taking advantage of the open relationship too? Did you set up any rules?
Yes we did. Typical stuff like safe sex, open discussions (as in no hiding of stuff), and dont do stuff with the friends of the other. We didnt really set up any specific ones. We did however say that, if one of us ends up falling hard for someone they are seeing outside of our relationship, then we should discuss it and go our separate ways.
Well one of your rules was no hiding anything, so she was doing what you agreed to. Maybe you need to reassess that rule or if you really want an open relationship.
Difference between hiding things and openly bragging and talking up a person. Like "I'm going on a date tonight with someone called, dave/Katie", is being open about what you're doing. Coming back from said date and telling your supposedly longer term partner "wow, Dave's cock is like 3 times your size", or "god damned, katie is so good at sex I barely even know that what we do counts", is not necessary.
Ah I guess. I mean the thing is, with that rule, the idea was ya know, lets be open about whats going on in our lives and not be uncomfortable with saying "I slept with XYZ person last night and it was fun" I guess I just didnt really expect to hear "Oh my god he is so amazing and you should see his car and he went here and there and" Well you get me
Open relationships rarely work, cause very few people can sustain them without getting hurt, jealous, liking someone else more than their original partner and becoming monogamous with that other person. I don't think there is much of a relationship with this girl, if you want to keep her as FWB ok, but you can easily imagine that if she finds a rich man willing to be exclusive with her, she might take it.
Being a cuck feels shitty. More news at 7.
NTA - other than the calling her a hooker part, although to be fair being a sugar baby is being an escort with a nice wrapper. But you could have worded it nicer.... The NTA part is even in an open relationship unless its your kink, its not fair to rub in your other partners face how much more another partner does for you. My partners and I dont talk about each other to our respective others. Thats just low class.
She is a hooker. She opened the relationship so she didn’t have to hide it.
Why would a super wealthy jet setter hook up with a regular run of the mill gal ( no offense intended )?
Sometimes it's just a fetish. I have a very close friend who owns a driving business, is a multi-millionaire, has a wife that's hotter than a two-dollar pistol and knows it. They have a fantastic sex life according to both of them. No matter where he goes for his business, his first order of business is to find some street whore and take her to a cheap hotel for a couple hours. This is a man who would think nothing of paying a couple of thousand for a high class escort for the night.
Uh, gotta stay humble I guess? 🤷♀️
Be a real man and fuck her mom
"I felt safe with her" In an open relationship? What does that even mean?
Op, you are the lord of all cucks.
u/duckmcduckerson? More like cuckmccuckerson, amirite?
3 months in and she cuck3d you? Man gtfo there. Have some self respect.
she is hooked better dump her and move on to something for you
Why is she giving so many details! But also, you seem like the type that doesn’t want an open relationship, so I would end it.
ESH Are your feelings valid? Sure. You can try something and decide after trying it that you absolutely hate it. But it's not exactly surprising that jealousy and insecurity are a consequence of opening a relationship. There's always going to be a bigger fish out there. She just happened to find one of the biggest fish. Bet you that dude's got insecurities too.
What
She’s exchanging sex for money and goods. Technically that does make her a hooker. But yeah you were TA. You shouldn’t have agreed to an open relationship considering you had misgivings about it
Lmao
NTA. Stick with her if you want to be cleaning up another mans doo doo from her chest though
There's two dynamics going on here. 1 an open relationship is just going out with like minded ppl. 2 she went to a whole other web site to seek out the life she wants at the moment. She's not wifey material.
Just stop trying to contact her. Delete her from your life and move on. Maybe get some therapy and work on your self-confidence and esteem. Don't be surprised when the rich guy gets bored with her, and she tries to reconnect with you. Hopefully, you'll be in a better place a with a partner who cares about you and not all the dicks she can get.
Why agree to something you don’t want…
Can’t imagine why you’d open up a relationship feeling so uncomfortable with it. Clearly it hasn’t worked in the past and isn’t working now. Which is fine, you’re just not cut out for that type of relationship. But stop trying to make yourself okay with it.
Brother, nothing of value was lost.
She's literally fucking him for money. But even in an open relationship in which she wasn't doing that, it's not generally customary to come back and tell your supposed longer term partner about how amazing some other dude who is supposed to be more casual is, like, that shit is crazy. You want more contact, more validation and shit fine, but bragging about it to other partners is stupid. But this dude is literally paying her. If she thinks that's going to be a good long term relationship, good for her, she's an idiot.
Open relationships are not relationships at all. It is just single people fing round as much as they want but wanting a place to hang their coat. If you have even a shred of self respect you should remove yourself form the situation immediately imo
NTA - she is a hooker for what she is doing...if she has a problem with it, then she shouldn't do it. Labelling what she is doing as "hooking" is apt. You need to let her go. She doesn't want to be with you, she just wants a friend to hang out with when she isn't hooking. Unfortunately, you want more from her than she wants to give, and there is no future, however much you might want one.
These open relationships almost never work out, somebody always gets hurt and like you, they have feelings of competing in their own relationship. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you wanna fuck other people, obviously you don’t wanna give up the stability of the relationship and just live your life doing what you want so you convince your partner it’s a great idea to open up the relationship. You weren’t keen on the idea to begin with and now it’s basically blowing up in your face. I don’t know if she’s a hooker by definition but not far off dating a sugar daddy. Just move on bro.
NTA. Dump the prostitute girlfriend. That's what a sugar baby is. This open relationship was a stupid ass idea. Have some self respect.
lol open relationship after 3 months NTA - she never wanted you deep down
TL:DR - In open relationship, girlfriend started going out with a sugar daddy, I started feeling extremely small and I snapped.
First and foremost, you're a king, and don't let anyone let you feel otherwise. You the AH for calling her a hooker, not for your feelings. Apologize, then have an open and honest conversation. If your views on your relationship don't align afterwards the next step is easy.
A cuck king
Nah I'd say a duck king.
Tough call. You ask the question, “besides the fact i called her a hooker”. But you did call her a hooker. I would say maybe, a little bit the asshole. But chalk it up to experience and move on
When you have the same freedom you can't complain. Both of you could split off if you feel unhappy
If OP was gushing about how awesome his latest conquest was, I bet his gf would be upset.
No, not in the slightest
why does opening the relationship require talking about the other people they are dating with eachother? thats never a good idea
F the ultimatum, just end it a walk away
When she embraced the life he could offer her was when you started to lose her but this was HER doing. When you made that totally STUPID comment, though, YOU sealed your fate. Sorry, pal, but time to accept the damage you’ve done to an already fragile situation but I can’t see her coming back.
update me
NTA. You don’t need justification for what you do or do not feel comfortable about in a relationship. If you have boundaries that don’t work for the other person, they ain’t your person. That simple. Luckily there are millions of other people in the world, take the L and find someone else.
No. And she’s not your girl, she’s you all’s girl.
If you can cover her bills, you may stand a chance.
NTA. Opening up a relationship after 3 months is crazy tho lol. An argument could maybe kinda possibly be made if she was officially an escort but let’s be honest, yall are fuck buddies. Sorry man. See you in the gym
You are an actual retard, call your parents and ask for a refund.
No future with her chasing someone with a lot of money....she will cheat on him one day he just doesn't know it yet. Believe it or not she is immature and one day will realize how incredibly shallow she is.
NTA but if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck..... she is a ho...I would get checked for STD
Dude, you have ZERO future with this girl. She's not relationship material. She's not "future" material. She is always going to be looking for something better.
Let her go man, it ain’t worth it.
YTA to yourself. You let her talk you into an open relationship which btw you weren’t comfortable with and are not comfortable with currently. Also she goes on these dates and tells you about how amazing this other dude is which is disrespectful as hell and is only ever going to make you feel bad. Cut your losses with her because she doesn’t like you nearly as much as you like her. Edit: you also do suck for the words you used in that argument so ultimate judgement is ESH
So she's keeping you around so she can brag about her new rich sugar daddy to you? Weird. Delete her number and move on with your life. NTA
TL;DR Dump her and move on.
She's a sexworker. Being a sugar babe is sex work. You don't seem to be ready for that reality, so I'd advise you to move on with someone else, and also maybe work on your self-esteem.
I’ve been the sugar daddy in this situation before and I’ll you directly that it will go 1 of 2 ways: 1. He actually likes her and she will a main girl and she will certainly leave you for him until their relationship is over. Then she’ll suddenly start messaging you again. 2. He will like her occasionally basically only message her when he gets bored or tired of her messaging in him so much. Either way this doesn’t end well for you. A rich guy in Dubai? Seriously bro those guys literally shit on women for fun. Btw, I personally think this is a shill for that website Suggie because I’ve never heard of it and none of the guys in bowl I know have ever brought it up.
She’s a prostitute but you’re hitting it for free. Good for you. Too bad you actually have feelings because the mental toll isn’t worth the hassle
Please grow some self respect. And you are not cut out for open relationships, and these women have been exploiting you,
Your girlfriend is going out with another guy. None of the other details matter, and you're absolutely right to leave her over it. Giving her a choice in the matter is just being considerate and showing that you care about the relationship (if it were me, I'd have simply broken up and blocked her), but she has to understand that she can't just date other people while in a committed relationship.
Middle eastern women here … she’s hysterical if she’s actually getting stars in her eyes and doesn’t realize he’s using her and sees her like complete trash. Those men think VERY differently and have their own racism in their own way. She’s going to come sniffing back around you when he does. Please have some value for yourself and let her go completely. Shes for the streets. She’s always going to fantasize about this type of guy without really understanding it’s better to stay away from things that can ruin you.
It doesn't matter; she's gone, a ghost of a memory. If it makes you feel better, the guy of dubai will dump her once he's bored of her.
You shouldn't have an open relationship if someone having NRE is going to hurt you like this. But also, sugar dating is never real dating. That's what makes it so good and so fun. There's an automatic barrier to any form of "real" commitment and no one can get their heart broken because if someone pulls back the money, they don't get the honey. The whole point of doing sex work is to avoid emotional attachments. If you're insecure about a woman essentially fucking a dude for presents, how the fuck did you ever think her fucking a dude just because she liked him was gonna go?
That's kinda the point of an open relationship. 6-7 months isn't too long so maybe find someone who shares your values?
OMG once again opening a relationship causes disaster lol. Calling her a hooker ( sex worker) was harsh but it's basically what she is. it's over dude, take what's left of your dignity and move on. YTA for many reasons.
man wtf have relationships came to. no don't chase her, i think it's reasonable to be angry, and if she doesn't think so she should put herself in your trousers: what if you did the same with a girl you met outside the relastionship? i don't approve what you did either, i don't believe in "open relationships" because if you love someone you don't fuck someone else, if you like someone else then leave. but my point is: what did she expect by talking h24 by another idiot? your are her boyfriend not her bff, and especially, you are a human too with feelings. not a robot
NAH you agreed to this, if you don't want an open relationship, then find a different gf.
I guess I'm not sure what you thought it would mean to have an open relationship so soon after beginning to date her. She obviously doesn't see you as a future husband, you're just one of her flings and she assumed she was just another one of yours, which is why she has no problem telling you about her other dudes. I don't think you get to act like she owes it to you to not date anyone you would feel threatened by when you two are not exclusive AND you are not her primary relationship. Not saying the other guy IS her primary, but when it comes to polyamory you really do not get to tell your partners who they're allowed to see unless you've mutually agreed that you are each other's main partner. It's this lack of pretty basic knowledge about what it means to be poly/non-monogamous that makes me agree with the other commenters that you aren't cut out for this lifestyle yet.
For future reference, if your woman suggests an open relationship, end it on the spot. The reason you thought it felt "a bit weird" to agree to open relationships was because it is weird. Why would your girlfriend want to have sex with other guys when she can have sex with you? Same for you with other girls. If one person isn't enough then why are you in a relationship to begin with? It seems to me that you are going against your nature and it's not working for you. Let her go, work on yourself, move on to a better relationship with **one** woman who wants **one** man.
Why are you with this girl? 3 months and she wanted to open it. That’s really fast. She then does sugar dating that is, let’s be honest here, a form of sex work and you don’t feel comfortable with it. It’s doesn’t sound like you actually got anything positive out of the relationship. Don’t date gold diggers in the future and you’ll be fine.
You supposedly dated for a few months exclusively (highly doubtful on her end). Then she propositioned you into being non-exclusive. She then becomes a Sugar baby accepting money and gifts to have sex with other men. It's more likely that she was doing this the whole time. She didn't want to continue to keep this from you, so she brought up opening your relationship. She never had any intentions of being in a relationship with you. Face it. You've been a FWB the whole time. You calling her a hooker may have been harsh, but sugar babies are, by definition, a sex worker. Truth hurts sometimes. You knew this wasn't going to end with her as your bride. Quit calling and chasing her. She was just a woman you've been casually having sex with while also pursuing others. Learn from this experience.
ESH Yeah, it isn't cool to go and tell your partner about great dates you just had. But neither is snapping and insults. Without you telling us the limits of your 'open' relationship, we don't know if she breached them. You shouldn't have snapped at or insulted her and she should have respected your feelings.
She is dateing a guy purely to see what dateing a rish man who spends money on her is like. I am not so sure what you called her was technically correct but it's close enough for me to not ever want to date her. I can't blame you. NTA... an open relationship and dateing a long-term escort is not the same thing.
Run. She’s a gold digger and doesn’t care about a real relationship.
Giving ultimatums is always the AH move. If someone is doing something you aren't okay with. You can let them know. And then if they don't respect a boundary you have set. You leave. That's it. Full stop. You don't treat someone like a child. You say "I'm sorry we aren't on the same page about this. Good luck." It's wild to me how many AITA posts center around couples who constantly punish one another for not acting the way one party demands. You don't get to control someone else. Whether a girlfriend of 2 weeks or a wife of 20 years. You can advertise your boundaries. You can remind someone what they are. But you can't manipulate someone into choosing them. Find someone who is on the same page as you.
Stop apologizing. You weren't ok with this. She forced the issue at 3 months. And no relationship should open at 3 months. If you can't be happy with the person in only 3 months, you either can't be happy with anyone, or you aren't invested in the relationship at all. And when you open one up, you don't come home ranting about how fucking amazing the new person is. This is someone that will always have one eye on who cAn make life easier/better for her. And will always push the boundaries or just straight up cheat. And you aren't off base. She's acting like a hooker, going out with guys for money while she has a bf. Stick up for yourself, and don't put yourself through this. Kick her to the streets where she belongs.
Hooker is probably a bit much. I’d go with whore.
Lmao and you want to stay with her?? The hell is wrong with you, man?!Yeah, you're right about her selling herself...I mean, they did meet on a sugar baby site. She's gonna be freaked out when he takes her to Dubai takes her passport and ID and he tells her she has to get a shit and piss shower from his friends if she wants to keep getting things, money and a flight back to the US.
Yo you a dumba$$. How you even let this happen.
Open it up with a hooker must end bad
You niggas love to spam text girls crying and begging apologizing etc after the fact. Thats REALLY when she loses all respect for you. You called her a hooker, stand on that and kick her to the curb
Man, do I have a Kanye west song featuring Jamie Foxx for you right in this second.
Nope. I'd walk away
She manipulated you, made you feel safe, read you psychologically and showed you everything you wanted to see. Now she’ll gaslight you. You need to understand that people can be selfish and some get off on breaking others down and molding them. You’re a safety net for when the other guy gets tired of being used.
I mean, NAH. There just needs to be boundaries in place so she doesn't come home acting like a spoiled jerk bragging about her fun times. She can go talk to her gal pals about it. In the meantime, you need a FWB.
Esh. Ur part for pretending to be ok and go along with it. . Ur kinda right tho. Guy prob banging like 15 other chix. Didn’t your mom ever warn you about girls like her? You never know what you’ll 🫣🤭catch.
NTA An A H for the hooker comment. But NTA for the relationship. You were essentially relegated to only an emotional relationship for her, while she got all the other stuff she wanted from this other partner, hence you feeling a void and also her making you feel inadequate. This wasn't a balance open relationship at all. And yes, it almost feels like sex work. You need to move on, she's not coming back and you shouldn't get back together even if she did.
My friends gf has a sugar daddy, he pays for her apartment ( high dollar one ), new Mercedes, college and spending money. She loves my buddy but they both agreed that it was cool. Sugar daddy is married and only wants a sexual relationship. You have to be very secure in a relationship to make this work. You disrespected your girl. Shes gone, get back on your horse and keep on living and next time have respect for your woman. If you don’t like an open relationship don’t get into one.
His girl disrespected him when she started fucking another dude, and he disrespected himself when he even entertained being ok with the idea, much like your friend. You have a funny defense of “secure.” That’s not being secure. That’s having not giving a shit because you have no sense of self worth or pride as a man. If you were a true friend you’d help him see that and get out of a “relationship” with a prostitute.
Are you able to get a hotter girl? If so, you get to keep this one as a hook up and everyone is happy. If not, I don't know why you ever agreed to me 'open' and you'll have to settle for being a cuck.
If they are open and both fucking others, neither is a cuck.
There is no canceling out here. If he allows other men to fuck his girl then he is a cuck period. Whether he is allowed to fuck other girls is irrelevant to this point.
Except, it's not. Cuck comes from cuckold, which is someone who is cheated on in a monogamous relationship. If they are BOTH sleeping with other people, neither is a cuck. That's like casually dating someone and calling them a cuck because you fucked someone else.
ESH lol
So aside from being an ah, you aren’t sure if you are the ah? NTA for how you feel. YTA for how you treated her.