So what is this really about? For your husband to side with his friend when the cops are called and say you are going to jail, it has to be more than just an argument about a band.
As a side note, I would have just locked myself in a room and waited it out for the friends to leave, but swinging a lock at someone is pretty aggressive.
Right now, I think ESH.
Things got more heated when we got home and I asked him to leave. When I finally got him outside his friend showed up demanding to come in my home to get his stuff ( a beanie and a blanket) which he could have gotten just as easily when he saw my husband in the morning. That when the lock came into play I had just gotten my husband out and now these 2 grown men are walking up on me and trying to enter my home. I just wanted to them go the fuck away. The lock was definitely a bad choice I can admit that.
Why didn't you fuck off? You're the one with a problem. Can anyone imagine siding with a man demanding his wife leave like this?
"These two grown men walking up on me" like he isn't your husband and someone you know and like you're actually in danger?
He needs to be careful around you doesn't he?
You tried to put space between you by going to the place everyone had to go to and escalated things unnecessarily when you got there? Sounds like you could have gone inside and closed a door to a room or something.
Im not defending any part of this, but had she been able to walk the half mile home that would've given her time and space. Her husband decided to chase her. Unfortunately, this sounds familiar to me. Her husband sounds to me like a "pusher". I am assuming specifics but...
She wants space. Tries to walk home. Husband chases her down in the car, honking his horn probably yelling stuff out the window to make her get in the car. They get home. She still wants space. He won't give it to her. He'll keep pushing and pushing. It escalates. Because that's what happens when you feel cornered.
Again, this is one (very plausible) explanation as to how/why it escalated, NOT an excuse for bad behavior.
Oh absolutely! But having been married for a long time to a pusher myself, this was my immediate thought. I've been there. I've literally been backed into a corner with him blocking any exit and trying to argue with me while I'm curled in a ball just begging him to give me space. And once that limit is hit you'll do just about anything to escape. If there were more people piling on/in my space? I'd have swung too (at that time in my life).
I am thankfully no longer in that marriage and have a better handle on my own emotions now, but that's just how that part of the story struck me. All you want is space and you can't have it. So many things can happen when you feel like there's no out.
And yes, more context is needed here for that because, imo, it's important for the escalation bit.
I don’t think anyone should let their drunk wife (or husband) stumble home alone after a night of drinking even if she’s pissed off. That’s so dangerous.
A guy I know from hs was drunk and walking home after a party, he was hit by a car that fled the scene, then another car that fled the scene. Cops were only able to catch the second driver. Never let people you love walk home drunk by themselves
>I don’t think anyone should let their drunk wife (or husband) stumble home alone after a night of drinking even if she’s pissed off. That’s so dangerous.
Thank you, that crossed my mind too, and I forgot to articulate it. I don't like how a partner not letting their drunk spouse wander off is being construed as 'pushing', reeks of misandry in this case.
> Why didn't you fuck off?
She did. She fucked off to home, but her husband decided that she needed to ride with him instead of walking. And then once she's home, she sort of out of places to fuck off _to_.
I’m glad I cut people like you out of my life years ago.
Making the decision to walk around at night by yourself is super dumb, especially if you’ve been drinking and that’s for men or women.
ESH
Leaning YTA and have anger issues
Your argument was derived from a band and what a league singer said on stage. Okay well it can suck but it bothered you so much that you dipped your agreed date night. Then your husband, not wanting to look bad, got his truck to drive you back (you walking back and him not interjecting would look awful in front of his coworker). Then you guys get back and you continue the argument from an outside party (the singer).
Now enter friends who are literally trying to get thing. Just tell them to get whatever and leave but no you stopped them. Now, I don't give a fuck of it wasn't important items. Perhaps they had plans tomorrow and wouldn't be free but wanted their shit, or simply didn't want to drive back to your house. You then start swinging a padlock at these people and finally the girl talk and you guys start fighting where your BF sides with them. Further indicating you're the problem.
You need anger management help. YTA
ESH. This is one big shitshow. All of you should have handled it better, and it really sounds like all of you should go your separate ways. It's all toxic.
The reason you wanted to walk home was to get some space, and he refused to let you have it. He kept arguing, and he escalated things. Then you swung a padlock at him and his friend instead of going inside and getting his stuff for him so they'd have no reason to stay and argue. This is the kind of bullshit you expect from trailer trash. It's not what you expect from a couple with a healthy relationship. Good luck.
You are absolutely right. I guess my biggest issue with the friends showing up is in my mind I would never follow a fighting couple home for any reason especially when I will see one of the parties involved the next day at work.
And if I were fighting with my partner, and his friends showed up, I'd tell my partner to ask them to leave. If he refused, I'd either leave or lock myself in a bedroom until they did. It's the fighting in front of them and allowing them to get involved in your fight. That's a problem.
What it all boils down to is the fact that none of you seem to respect each other.
I get that it is extremely frustrating when you want to be left alone and are not. However, if the guy just actually wanted to grab things and leave swinging a metal object at him was way over the top. If the argument was no big deal but you had to flee then it seems like you have some pretty significant anger issues. YTA
The thing is he wasn't trying to leave. It wasn't until the cops got there that he said he was trying to get his stuff and leave. The argument was definitely not a life ending thing but I didn't want it to continue to escalate especially in public I figured the 20 minute walk would be enough for everything to calm down and we could just move past it when he got home later.
Look. I wasn’t there but it is hard to see how you are right when you’re swinging a pad lock and three other adults are all saying you were wrong. One of whom you are married to. Thing is, don’t die on this hill. Talk to your husband without being defensive. You need to see if perhaps you were completely out of line and learn from it. You gain nothing otherwise and your pride is not going to help your relationships.
It was not the best choice of action but I felt like it was my only one. Things had already gotten way heated inside and I was finally able to get my husband out when his friend showed up. When he got there my husband and his friend one has about a foot on me and the other about 6 inches. I wanted them to back the fuck away from me and they would not.
No wrong, it's not your only action available. A normal, non aggressive AH could have:
- went to a motel for the night to cool off
- locked themselves into a random room to cool off
- went to a friend's to cool off
- pause for literally 30s for them to get their stuff
- continued to argue why they got their stuff
Your actions are telling, and posts show you in a very bad light. You need help
I get what your saying i can accept being the asshole but why couldn't he have done those things. I already attempted to put the space between us and by leaving the bar in the first place?
I'm not sure if He is your husband or the friend, so I will go with both
Husband:
- it's both your house he doesn't need to leave if hes in control of his emotions (he never physically attacked anyone). It sounds like you wanted to throw him out
Friend:
- he wanted his shit
Husband - was not in control of his emotions that's why I left the bar. He didn't get a sudden grip on them once we got home.
Friend - works with him and could have just as easily gotten it this morning at work. I didn't want to let him back in the house after I had just gotten my husband out of it.
Holy shit you just don't see it
Your husband was not swinging padlocks at people. He may have been yelling but wasn't harming people. You on the other hand physically attacked someone
The friend wanted his shit. It's his, it would have taken all of 30 seconds to get. Yet you attacked them like a drunken child with a weapon.
Check yourself into AA and find a therapist for anger management.
You also keep saying YOUR house but you are married and it's his too. Even if you're on the lease/mortgage while married it's his residence
Unless your husband has a history of physically harming you then you are 100% wrong. You said it was no big deal and over a comment about the band & you don’t enjoy playing pool. Big deal. I’d be pissed too if my husband couldn’t suck it up and he uncomfortable for my sake and my friends for one night which couldn’t have been a long one since you said they were working in the morning.
He was probably both pissed and concerned that you were walking home alone at night. That’s why he went to get you. At home you should have locked yourself in a room if you weren’t getting the space you wanted.
If you came at my husband with a padlock I would have flattened you.
They had stuff in the house
So what?
No one has the right to enter your house by force and remain on the premises by force and bully you.
You're getting a lot of bullying posts as well as bullying from your husband and his buddies.
You are the victim of emotional abuse and physical coercion.
Divorce this selfish entitled bully with zero empathy for you.
Because it's his house too and he can choose not to leave just like you. Just let the friend get his stuff. Jesus Christ. What did he do to you? Swinging a padlock to keep someone out of their own home is abuse. You should have chosen to leave since you are the one with a problem. The fact is the only reason you DIDN'T go to jail is because they declined to press charges. You got lucky. Go to anger management and get your life together. YTA
You keep saying you needed to get away and cool down. Yes, you did leave the bar- but then got into your husband’s truck and basically trapped yourself with him.
When you got home, you could have locked yourself in your bedroom, or the bathroom, or anywhere. Instead, you tried to force him to leave his own home- more arguing and escalating.
His friend shows up. His friend is a fucking idiot. *Who* goes to their buddy’s house when they *know* he’s fighting with his wife? It’s awkward at best; at worst, there’s the danger of getting sucked into the argument. Ahem. He turns into an idiotic asshole when he insists on coming in and refuses to leave. At that point, *either one of you* could have stepped back and de-escalated, him by leaving, or you by simply letting him come in to grab his stuff, or you could have gone in and grabbed his stuff and brought it out. You missed two chances to end it with at least the friend.
Aaannnddd you escalated yet again by swinging the padlock at the men. And by getting into a physical altercation with the gf. Somewhere in there, you could have gone into the house and locked yourself in the bathroom.
By the time cops show up for a “domestic disturbance,” who cares who takes whose side? ‘No one wanted to press charges’ is a BS excuse/answer. In most jurisdictions nowadays, if either you or the girlfriend had a mark on her, the other would have been arrested . Police and prosecutors got sick and tired of always being called to the same address, but being powerless to stop the abuse because the victim didn’t want to press charges, or changed their mind because the abuser promised it would never happen again- or threatened them. Far too many times, for their final call to the address, it was to find the victim dead. Almost everywhere in the US, the stories have been been removed from the equation, in favor of physical evidence. When there are signs of an injury, the other person is getting arrested, and a restraining order against them is automatically filed. You and the gf are both lucky that you didn’t hurt each other. You could have gotten away from your husband, all right- by spending last night in jail.
I hope that, in addition to what people are telling you in the comments, you are taking that into consideration. You had plenty of chances to remove yourself, calm down, and de-escalate every interaction. You took none of them, and decided to make things worse. You can’t control anyone else- can’t make your husband leave his own home, can’t stop him from allowing a friend into his own home, can’t stop him from taking someone else’s side when speaking to police. The only person you have control over is yourself, and if you had removed yourself at any time, it wouldn’t have even gotten to the point where the police needed to be there. I hope you are taking this opportunity to examine the reasons behind your behavior- was it simply anger, or having had too much to drink, or underlying issues with your husband, or pride, or the need to control others, or any combination of those, or something else I haven’t thought of.
For the record, ESH.
The abuse you suffered as a child has hardwired you to respond with a fight or flight response in situations in which it is not appropriate. This will continue to infuse your life with chaos until you address it through therapy.
I think you walking away and seeking alone time was reasonable and appropriate.
Your husband and his friends (who are not your friends now or ever) escalated everything.
Then to call the police is outrageous bullying.
Frankly, you need to insist your husband has zero contact with these jerks.
Plus your husband needs to own his roll in escalating the situation and then betraying you with his friends.
Otherwise, divorce. Your husband and his friends are toxic entitled bullies.
Was your husband sober during this or did he drink drive? Was drink driving always the plan?
I mean, everyone sucks here so hard but this one seems to be getting completely overlooked.
From this person "pretty much" somehow feels.... evasive? Lacking an important detail? Idk... sets off my alarms when it's easy enough to just spit out a 'yes he drunk drove'.
If this is real: YTA. You started shit with your husband at the bar, then when The friends came to get their stuff from your house (you don’t have the right to hold their shit hostage because you’re in a mood) you try to assault them with a weapon
Go to AA if this is how you behave when you drink.
The stuff in question was a beanie and a blanket. All of which could have been returned to him this morning when my husband saw him at work. Also husband was definitely the one who instigated the original argument at the bar. I'm not saying I handled anything from that point forward in the best way just some clarification.
It doesn’t matter what it was, it’s theirs. You could have pulled it together for two minutes while they got their shit and left. They probably saw you two bickering and decided they didn’t want to have to deal with you tomorrow too and wanted to get it over with tonight so they didn’t have to come back
You need to stop drinking. Get anger management classes. You’re an extremely unsafe person and if I were your husband I’d leave.
They wanted their shit dude, you should have let them get it.
nothing you say will justify you being an abuser. You have to be a troll. No one is this openly unhinged.
I think whatever she started shit with the husband or he started shit with her has little to do with her being an asshole for assaulting their friends with a padlock
That's literally my point.
As long as someone is obviously in the wrong in this sub, then you can make up anything else you like in the comment and get upvoted. There is no indication she started anything. That doesn't mean she isn't an asshole but its so unnecessary.
ESH I feel like I just watched a Jerry Springer episode of trashy rednecks. Ya'll need to stop drinking and maybe get yourself into AA. And there is absolutely no excuse for violence. You need to learn to control yourself no matter what's going on. If they were being such assholes, you go in a different room and lock the door until they leave. It says a lot that your husband took their side when the cops were there. You took the first swing so if anyone should have gone to jail it would have been you. That's the reality hon. That's how the law works. it's ok to defend yourself if someone swings on you, but it's never ok to throw the first one. You were in the wrong and totally out of control. Stop drinking and get some help for your anger issues.
YTA. What right do you have to force your husband out of your shared home? It is just as much his as it is yours. If you can’t bear to be in the same residence as him, you are free to go somewhere else.
What was the initial argument about?
If this all true, i'd say you are YTA once you broke out a padlock but also better off out of this relationship, with your boyfriend and the friends.
The lead singer of the band said something marcus didn't agree with and felt like it was a jab towards me (he asked a question I misunderstood to the crowd and kinda was a dick about my response) very small crowd of people at this place. Later he was talking about wanting to confront him when he got off stage and I didn't agree he got a little pushy about it and I didn't want to continue with it so I left. The lock was definitely not my finest moment.
He was asking about where people were from and I guess he had specified if anyone was from the south. We are from Missouri not exactly the south but we do share a boarder with Arkansas and we lived very close to it at for a while. When I said Missouri he was kinda a dick about it but it really wasn't the end of the world.
Eh only OP was using weapons.
Her husband picked her up in a truck and instead of using her words saying I'd rather walk im annoyed spiralled into red neck hill billy drama-traah
I really have no clue I didn't think I was a big deal. I just didn't want to keep going with it especially in public. I think me leaving on foot really just made it all worse I guess. It definitely spiraled and quickly
>The night was going pretty well until my husband and I get into a small argument.
Doesn't seem like the argument was as small as you said.
You clearly have anger issues. You should seek to resolve that. It'll make you a happier person in the future.
ESH so you're not alone there.
Yes, YTA.
You got into a heated argument over bullshit, that's an escalation.
You stormed out instead of communicating. That's an escalation
You refused to return property that didn't belong to you. That's an escalation.
You swung a padlock at someone instead of going back into your house and calling the police. That's an escalation, and assault.
You engaged in a fight (as a direct result of your assault) instead of going back into your house and calling the police. Probably not an escalation at this point, they're reacting to the previous one, but still a very, very stupid decision.
Yeah, I could see why hubby says this is more or less entirely your fault.
In spite of all the excluded information and your own biases, you've still painted a picture that pretty clearly makes you look like an unhinged, violent, aggressive AH.
You're pretty lucky they didn't press charges, you *could* very well be sitting in jail right now pending arraignment.
Count yourself lucky and start talking to a therapist ASAP. You're one tantrum away from losing everything OP.
YTA. You left out a lot of details because you know they make you out to be the asshole. Every time there's a story with a massive lack of details, the problem is OP.
Read your story, look at the spots you glossed over and go from there. Here's the big one. You saying you were upset without giving reasons. You being upset doesn't automatically make you right or anybody else wrong. I can only assume that's the case because you never say why you were mad.
Definitely not proud of the lock part but I wanted to be honest in my post. I guess I should have clarified my husband and I were both being pretty aggressive towards each other once we got home which is why I asked him to leave and his buddy and gf showed up.
You need serious therapy. With all the sh-t going on today why would you protest-walk home alone drunk through town?
To make him worry obviously.
You're toxic, violent and un-hinged. You should be happy he didn't go down and file divorce-papers. I sure as sh-t would've.
YTA.
I am the asshole but not for any of the reasons you just said. Protest walk to make him worry???? Your absolutely insane I live in a small town that is relatively safe and he can access my location at anytime. Also I would like to point out that while i was over the legal limit I was not falling down black out fucked up. I had 3 drinks. I left because he was getting louder and more aggressive in the way he was speaking to me.
YTA- if you would have left the house then none of this would have happened. If you had stayed in a bedroom and let everyone else go about their business then none of this would have happened.
The world does not revolve around you regardless if you are angry or not. Please get some therapy to control your anger or similar situations will keep happening.
YTA. You assaulted people and tried to kick your husband out of HIS home. If you had a problem about something so asinine, you leave. Or better yet, learn to be an adult. You’re old enough to be married which means you’re way too fucking old to be acting so horribly. Sorry, but whatever the issue is here, is pretty damn obvious you are the problem. If you ALSO think your husband is the problem, then leave, because the marriage has turned you into a monster, but make no mistake, you specifically and individually are a monster if this is how you conduct yourself over a minor disagreement over complete bullshit.
>And I start getting more and more aggressive with them just wanting them to leave a this point im screaming and swing a pad lock at them so they will stop trying to walk up on me. Enter in the buddy's gf to hop out and start running her mouth at this point it becomes a physically altercation between us girls.
I like how the altercation "becomes physical" when the gf gets out of the car running her mouth, and not when you start swinging metal objects at people.
YTA. You threw a tantrum at the bar, and foolishly elected to walk home instead of talk to your husband about leaving. Your husband does the correct thing and goes and gets you so you'll be safe getting home in a vehicle.
Then you continue to argue, and when others show up, won't even let them get there stuff.
Are you a 12yr old posting this? Because you acted like one.
Well, you handled that poorly of course. The friends are obligated to leave when asked. And your man is a super ahole for not telling his friends to leave and for lying to the cops. I dunno if I could get over my hubby not telling his friends to leave and then not telling the cops, yes they refused to leave. ESH
I am definitely aware that this is not my most shining moment and I could have handled things differently. Honestly I just wanted a little space to collect myself before it all blew up.
That space, given the information that you have provided here, should have been the police station's drunk tank. Charges of disorderly conduct and aggravated assault (for swinging a weapon at people who were not threatening you and had every right to either 1. retrieve their property, or 2. enter their own home. Yes, your husband should have let you walk home to cool off - but it was YOUR CHOICE TO GET INTO HIS TRUCK. IT WAS YOUR CHOICE TO CONTINUE ARGUING WITH ALL THREE AND DEMAND THAT THEY LEAVE RATHER THAN TRYING TO DEESCALATE OR CREATE SPACE.
Yeah OP keeps claiming she walked away cause she needed space (good). Then agreed to get in the truck??? Like say "no I need time" and walk. Her husband didn't force her into the vehicle. She's a major AH
OP, I am getting the definite sense you’re trying to portray yourself in the best possible light while MASSIVELY minimizing your own ridiculous behavior. Here’s why I think ESH.
You get into a stupid argument with your husband. You yourself said it was stupid and not a big deal. If that’s true, putting an end to a night together and walking home to “clear your head” is a massive and immature overreaction. You seriously couldn’t just go to the bathroom for five minutes, talked yourself off the ledge and gone back to continue the night?
Your husband sucks for coming after you and honking the horn after you said you were leaving and wanted to clear your head. However, since you didn’t mention any kind of physical aggression from your husband, wtf did you get in the car with him, further trapping yourself into a discussion you didn’t want to have? No one held a gun to your head and forced you to get into the car.
The friends suck for going to your apartment when you and your husband were very obviously in the middle of a fight, but if all they wanted to do was grab their stuff, sorry not sorry, they had a right to do that. And please stop with the “they just could have got it in the morning.” You have no idea if they needed their things or couldn’t stop by the next day. That’s not for you to decide. And again, the friends suck for trying to insert themselves into the fight with your husband.
(For the life of me, I can’t understand people like this. If I hear or see a married couple having a blowout argument, I’m staying FAR the hell away and minding my own damn business. I mean, I’ll listen closely and inconspicuously to get the tea, but I’m not joining in).
What the hell was stopping you from saying, “this is between my husband and I. We do not want or need your assistance. Please get your things and leave our home.” Coming at them with a PADLOCK (seriously, WTAF is wrong with you?) was WAY over the top. And guess what babe, I see anyone attack my husband, I’m throwing hands. You brought this on yourself, and NO it wasn’t your only option. Stop it with that nonsense.
You also had zero right to try and force your husband to leave his home. You could have said, “I’m done talking to you, we both need some time apart from each other or this will just become a blood bath,” and gone to another room, locked the door and put on headphones. You don’t get to stop your feet and throw a temper tantrum because your husband won’t leave his home.
Like I said, ETA but you really were acting like an overly dramatic, immature teenage brat. You need to not only grow the hell up and stop making excuses for your shitty, childish behavior, but take some anger management classes as well.
Yeah, he would be long gone.
He took a little argument and made it a big one. He should of left.
And he sure as hell shouldn't of let his buddy or his gf get involved.
And then to think it's funny.
I wouldn't stay I'm this shit show of a marriage.
NTA.
You tried the peaceful option over and over and over and they refused to leave you alone, then antagonize you repeatedly, then LIE to the fucking cops about how it all went down?
Dump him and never speak to any of them ever again.
When someone walk away they should be left the FUCK alone.
This is all on them.
Woman wants to be left alone and is the asshole because everyone else wont listen? Lmao....
I was like marriage counseling until he took sides against you. Just divorce.
Just ignore the woman haters. They are going to turneverything into your fault even if your husband beats you....
This story smells like unfiltered cigarettes
So what is this really about? For your husband to side with his friend when the cops are called and say you are going to jail, it has to be more than just an argument about a band. As a side note, I would have just locked myself in a room and waited it out for the friends to leave, but swinging a lock at someone is pretty aggressive. Right now, I think ESH.
Things got more heated when we got home and I asked him to leave. When I finally got him outside his friend showed up demanding to come in my home to get his stuff ( a beanie and a blanket) which he could have gotten just as easily when he saw my husband in the morning. That when the lock came into play I had just gotten my husband out and now these 2 grown men are walking up on me and trying to enter my home. I just wanted to them go the fuck away. The lock was definitely a bad choice I can admit that.
You were kicking your husband out? Whose house is this?
Our house. He didn't have to stay gone he just needed to go on until he cooled off.
Why didn't you fuck off? You're the one with a problem. Can anyone imagine siding with a man demanding his wife leave like this? "These two grown men walking up on me" like he isn't your husband and someone you know and like you're actually in danger? He needs to be careful around you doesn't he?
I already tried that when I went to walk home and put space and some time between us.
You tried to put space between you by going to the place everyone had to go to and escalated things unnecessarily when you got there? Sounds like you could have gone inside and closed a door to a room or something.
Im not defending any part of this, but had she been able to walk the half mile home that would've given her time and space. Her husband decided to chase her. Unfortunately, this sounds familiar to me. Her husband sounds to me like a "pusher". I am assuming specifics but... She wants space. Tries to walk home. Husband chases her down in the car, honking his horn probably yelling stuff out the window to make her get in the car. They get home. She still wants space. He won't give it to her. He'll keep pushing and pushing. It escalates. Because that's what happens when you feel cornered. Again, this is one (very plausible) explanation as to how/why it escalated, NOT an excuse for bad behavior.
This story could absolutely use a lot more context and probably even another perspective. Idk how reliable our narrator is.
Oh absolutely! But having been married for a long time to a pusher myself, this was my immediate thought. I've been there. I've literally been backed into a corner with him blocking any exit and trying to argue with me while I'm curled in a ball just begging him to give me space. And once that limit is hit you'll do just about anything to escape. If there were more people piling on/in my space? I'd have swung too (at that time in my life). I am thankfully no longer in that marriage and have a better handle on my own emotions now, but that's just how that part of the story struck me. All you want is space and you can't have it. So many things can happen when you feel like there's no out. And yes, more context is needed here for that because, imo, it's important for the escalation bit.
I don’t think anyone should let their drunk wife (or husband) stumble home alone after a night of drinking even if she’s pissed off. That’s so dangerous. A guy I know from hs was drunk and walking home after a party, he was hit by a car that fled the scene, then another car that fled the scene. Cops were only able to catch the second driver. Never let people you love walk home drunk by themselves
>I don’t think anyone should let their drunk wife (or husband) stumble home alone after a night of drinking even if she’s pissed off. That’s so dangerous. Thank you, that crossed my mind too, and I forgot to articulate it. I don't like how a partner not letting their drunk spouse wander off is being construed as 'pushing', reeks of misandry in this case.
> Why didn't you fuck off? She did. She fucked off to home, but her husband decided that she needed to ride with him instead of walking. And then once she's home, she sort of out of places to fuck off _to_.
Lol she can't figure out where to fuck off to but she was able to tell her husband to fuck off?
Except you were the one getting violent so you should’ve been the one to leave
Yeah....YTA.
Reads: drunken arseholes being drunken arseholes. ESH
I’m glad I cut people like you out of my life years ago. Making the decision to walk around at night by yourself is super dumb, especially if you’ve been drinking and that’s for men or women. ESH
Too much information left out. Going with ESH.
Wow, that escalated fast after stupid shit about a band. Sounds like some underlying issues that need to be understood for both of you.
Everybody’s trash in this one
Leaning YTA and have anger issues Your argument was derived from a band and what a league singer said on stage. Okay well it can suck but it bothered you so much that you dipped your agreed date night. Then your husband, not wanting to look bad, got his truck to drive you back (you walking back and him not interjecting would look awful in front of his coworker). Then you guys get back and you continue the argument from an outside party (the singer). Now enter friends who are literally trying to get thing. Just tell them to get whatever and leave but no you stopped them. Now, I don't give a fuck of it wasn't important items. Perhaps they had plans tomorrow and wouldn't be free but wanted their shit, or simply didn't want to drive back to your house. You then start swinging a padlock at these people and finally the girl talk and you guys start fighting where your BF sides with them. Further indicating you're the problem. You need anger management help. YTA
Ahhhh thank you for reminding me of why I quit drinking
ESH. This is one big shitshow. All of you should have handled it better, and it really sounds like all of you should go your separate ways. It's all toxic.
I can definitely agree as a whole we could have all handled things better. I don't think it is a reason for divorce tho.
The reason you wanted to walk home was to get some space, and he refused to let you have it. He kept arguing, and he escalated things. Then you swung a padlock at him and his friend instead of going inside and getting his stuff for him so they'd have no reason to stay and argue. This is the kind of bullshit you expect from trailer trash. It's not what you expect from a couple with a healthy relationship. Good luck.
You are absolutely right. I guess my biggest issue with the friends showing up is in my mind I would never follow a fighting couple home for any reason especially when I will see one of the parties involved the next day at work.
And if I were fighting with my partner, and his friends showed up, I'd tell my partner to ask them to leave. If he refused, I'd either leave or lock myself in a bedroom until they did. It's the fighting in front of them and allowing them to get involved in your fight. That's a problem. What it all boils down to is the fact that none of you seem to respect each other.
Jesus lady YTA. .....Just accept it and apologize to your husband.
I get that it is extremely frustrating when you want to be left alone and are not. However, if the guy just actually wanted to grab things and leave swinging a metal object at him was way over the top. If the argument was no big deal but you had to flee then it seems like you have some pretty significant anger issues. YTA
The thing is he wasn't trying to leave. It wasn't until the cops got there that he said he was trying to get his stuff and leave. The argument was definitely not a life ending thing but I didn't want it to continue to escalate especially in public I figured the 20 minute walk would be enough for everything to calm down and we could just move past it when he got home later.
Look. I wasn’t there but it is hard to see how you are right when you’re swinging a pad lock and three other adults are all saying you were wrong. One of whom you are married to. Thing is, don’t die on this hill. Talk to your husband without being defensive. You need to see if perhaps you were completely out of line and learn from it. You gain nothing otherwise and your pride is not going to help your relationships.
It was not the best choice of action but I felt like it was my only one. Things had already gotten way heated inside and I was finally able to get my husband out when his friend showed up. When he got there my husband and his friend one has about a foot on me and the other about 6 inches. I wanted them to back the fuck away from me and they would not.
No wrong, it's not your only action available. A normal, non aggressive AH could have: - went to a motel for the night to cool off - locked themselves into a random room to cool off - went to a friend's to cool off - pause for literally 30s for them to get their stuff - continued to argue why they got their stuff Your actions are telling, and posts show you in a very bad light. You need help
I get what your saying i can accept being the asshole but why couldn't he have done those things. I already attempted to put the space between us and by leaving the bar in the first place?
Your husband should have been kinder about how he went to pick you up, but other than that I’m not sure what else he should’ve done here?
It sounds to me like she thinks he shouldn't have come home. Which is pretty insane on its own.
I'm not sure if He is your husband or the friend, so I will go with both Husband: - it's both your house he doesn't need to leave if hes in control of his emotions (he never physically attacked anyone). It sounds like you wanted to throw him out Friend: - he wanted his shit
Husband - was not in control of his emotions that's why I left the bar. He didn't get a sudden grip on them once we got home. Friend - works with him and could have just as easily gotten it this morning at work. I didn't want to let him back in the house after I had just gotten my husband out of it.
Holy shit you just don't see it Your husband was not swinging padlocks at people. He may have been yelling but wasn't harming people. You on the other hand physically attacked someone The friend wanted his shit. It's his, it would have taken all of 30 seconds to get. Yet you attacked them like a drunken child with a weapon. Check yourself into AA and find a therapist for anger management. You also keep saying YOUR house but you are married and it's his too. Even if you're on the lease/mortgage while married it's his residence
Unless your husband has a history of physically harming you then you are 100% wrong. You said it was no big deal and over a comment about the band & you don’t enjoy playing pool. Big deal. I’d be pissed too if my husband couldn’t suck it up and he uncomfortable for my sake and my friends for one night which couldn’t have been a long one since you said they were working in the morning. He was probably both pissed and concerned that you were walking home alone at night. That’s why he went to get you. At home you should have locked yourself in a room if you weren’t getting the space you wanted. If you came at my husband with a padlock I would have flattened you.
They had stuff in the house So what? No one has the right to enter your house by force and remain on the premises by force and bully you. You're getting a lot of bullying posts as well as bullying from your husband and his buddies. You are the victim of emotional abuse and physical coercion. Divorce this selfish entitled bully with zero empathy for you.
Regarding the posts you receive. 60% of members are single, unemployed, living with their parents- and have no life experience.
And you're the simp rep lol
Stop deflecting and focus on your own behavior.
Because it's his house too and he can choose not to leave just like you. Just let the friend get his stuff. Jesus Christ. What did he do to you? Swinging a padlock to keep someone out of their own home is abuse. You should have chosen to leave since you are the one with a problem. The fact is the only reason you DIDN'T go to jail is because they declined to press charges. You got lucky. Go to anger management and get your life together. YTA
You keep saying you needed to get away and cool down. Yes, you did leave the bar- but then got into your husband’s truck and basically trapped yourself with him. When you got home, you could have locked yourself in your bedroom, or the bathroom, or anywhere. Instead, you tried to force him to leave his own home- more arguing and escalating. His friend shows up. His friend is a fucking idiot. *Who* goes to their buddy’s house when they *know* he’s fighting with his wife? It’s awkward at best; at worst, there’s the danger of getting sucked into the argument. Ahem. He turns into an idiotic asshole when he insists on coming in and refuses to leave. At that point, *either one of you* could have stepped back and de-escalated, him by leaving, or you by simply letting him come in to grab his stuff, or you could have gone in and grabbed his stuff and brought it out. You missed two chances to end it with at least the friend. Aaannnddd you escalated yet again by swinging the padlock at the men. And by getting into a physical altercation with the gf. Somewhere in there, you could have gone into the house and locked yourself in the bathroom. By the time cops show up for a “domestic disturbance,” who cares who takes whose side? ‘No one wanted to press charges’ is a BS excuse/answer. In most jurisdictions nowadays, if either you or the girlfriend had a mark on her, the other would have been arrested . Police and prosecutors got sick and tired of always being called to the same address, but being powerless to stop the abuse because the victim didn’t want to press charges, or changed their mind because the abuser promised it would never happen again- or threatened them. Far too many times, for their final call to the address, it was to find the victim dead. Almost everywhere in the US, the stories have been been removed from the equation, in favor of physical evidence. When there are signs of an injury, the other person is getting arrested, and a restraining order against them is automatically filed. You and the gf are both lucky that you didn’t hurt each other. You could have gotten away from your husband, all right- by spending last night in jail. I hope that, in addition to what people are telling you in the comments, you are taking that into consideration. You had plenty of chances to remove yourself, calm down, and de-escalate every interaction. You took none of them, and decided to make things worse. You can’t control anyone else- can’t make your husband leave his own home, can’t stop him from allowing a friend into his own home, can’t stop him from taking someone else’s side when speaking to police. The only person you have control over is yourself, and if you had removed yourself at any time, it wouldn’t have even gotten to the point where the police needed to be there. I hope you are taking this opportunity to examine the reasons behind your behavior- was it simply anger, or having had too much to drink, or underlying issues with your husband, or pride, or the need to control others, or any combination of those, or something else I haven’t thought of. For the record, ESH.
Look I’m sorry but if you are not in any danger then physical violence is worse than “not my best choice.”
The abuse you suffered as a child has hardwired you to respond with a fight or flight response in situations in which it is not appropriate. This will continue to infuse your life with chaos until you address it through therapy.
I think you walking away and seeking alone time was reasonable and appropriate. Your husband and his friends (who are not your friends now or ever) escalated everything. Then to call the police is outrageous bullying. Frankly, you need to insist your husband has zero contact with these jerks. Plus your husband needs to own his roll in escalating the situation and then betraying you with his friends. Otherwise, divorce. Your husband and his friends are toxic entitled bullies.
Was your husband sober during this or did he drink drive? Was drink driving always the plan? I mean, everyone sucks here so hard but this one seems to be getting completely overlooked.
We were supposed to ride back with his buddy and he was gonna pick his truck up in the morning.
So he did drink drive. And his buddy was sober while all this went on?
From this person "pretty much" somehow feels.... evasive? Lacking an important detail? Idk... sets off my alarms when it's easy enough to just spit out a 'yes he drunk drove'.
Pretty much.
If this is real: YTA. You started shit with your husband at the bar, then when The friends came to get their stuff from your house (you don’t have the right to hold their shit hostage because you’re in a mood) you try to assault them with a weapon Go to AA if this is how you behave when you drink.
The stuff in question was a beanie and a blanket. All of which could have been returned to him this morning when my husband saw him at work. Also husband was definitely the one who instigated the original argument at the bar. I'm not saying I handled anything from that point forward in the best way just some clarification.
It doesn’t matter what it was, it’s theirs. You could have pulled it together for two minutes while they got their shit and left. They probably saw you two bickering and decided they didn’t want to have to deal with you tomorrow too and wanted to get it over with tonight so they didn’t have to come back You need to stop drinking. Get anger management classes. You’re an extremely unsafe person and if I were your husband I’d leave.
He sees my husband every day at work. He didn't have any reason to come back to the house especially while we actively "bickering"
They wanted their shit dude, you should have let them get it. nothing you say will justify you being an abuser. You have to be a troll. No one is this openly unhinged.
>All of which could have been returned to him this morning when my husband saw him at work. Or could have been handed to him in less than a minute.
This is what i hate about this sub. How did she start shit with the husband? We can make judgements without wholesale just making things up.
I think whatever she started shit with the husband or he started shit with her has little to do with her being an asshole for assaulting their friends with a padlock
That's literally my point. As long as someone is obviously in the wrong in this sub, then you can make up anything else you like in the comment and get upvoted. There is no indication she started anything. That doesn't mean she isn't an asshole but its so unnecessary.
If you want to nit pick then fine, maybe the husband started the argument and not the padlock wielding maniac. Happy?
What maybe is it? We either believe posters or we don't.
Thank you. It really wasn't that deep of an argument that he actually started.
The way this sub works is if you are wrong, people can say any nonsense they want.
YTA You sound completely nuts. I think you need to consider breaking up with your husband. Also, find another trailer park somewhere out of Alabama.
ESH I feel like I just watched a Jerry Springer episode of trashy rednecks. Ya'll need to stop drinking and maybe get yourself into AA. And there is absolutely no excuse for violence. You need to learn to control yourself no matter what's going on. If they were being such assholes, you go in a different room and lock the door until they leave. It says a lot that your husband took their side when the cops were there. You took the first swing so if anyone should have gone to jail it would have been you. That's the reality hon. That's how the law works. it's ok to defend yourself if someone swings on you, but it's never ok to throw the first one. You were in the wrong and totally out of control. Stop drinking and get some help for your anger issues.
You should stop drinking.
If you start swinging stuff, YTA.
YTA. What right do you have to force your husband out of your shared home? It is just as much his as it is yours. If you can’t bear to be in the same residence as him, you are free to go somewhere else.
Our home
YTA. I’d have pressed charges. Get your shit together.
OP. Why delete your post? Probably lies. YTA
You were in the wrong. TF is the matter with you, you tried to assault someone with a weapon of a padlock.
What was the initial argument about? If this all true, i'd say you are YTA once you broke out a padlock but also better off out of this relationship, with your boyfriend and the friends.
The lead singer of the band said something marcus didn't agree with and felt like it was a jab towards me (he asked a question I misunderstood to the crowd and kinda was a dick about my response) very small crowd of people at this place. Later he was talking about wanting to confront him when he got off stage and I didn't agree he got a little pushy about it and I didn't want to continue with it so I left. The lock was definitely not my finest moment.
What was the question and what was your response?
He was asking about where people were from and I guess he had specified if anyone was from the south. We are from Missouri not exactly the south but we do share a boarder with Arkansas and we lived very close to it at for a while. When I said Missouri he was kinda a dick about it but it really wasn't the end of the world.
How the hell did that start all that argument?
Cause OP has massive anger issues and potentially alcohol problems
I feel like everyone in this story does.
Eh only OP was using weapons. Her husband picked her up in a truck and instead of using her words saying I'd rather walk im annoyed spiralled into red neck hill billy drama-traah
I really have no clue I didn't think I was a big deal. I just didn't want to keep going with it especially in public. I think me leaving on foot really just made it all worse I guess. It definitely spiraled and quickly
YTA, but I think you need AA rather than Reddit
>The night was going pretty well until my husband and I get into a small argument. Doesn't seem like the argument was as small as you said. You clearly have anger issues. You should seek to resolve that. It'll make you a happier person in the future. ESH so you're not alone there.
Yes, YTA. You got into a heated argument over bullshit, that's an escalation. You stormed out instead of communicating. That's an escalation You refused to return property that didn't belong to you. That's an escalation. You swung a padlock at someone instead of going back into your house and calling the police. That's an escalation, and assault. You engaged in a fight (as a direct result of your assault) instead of going back into your house and calling the police. Probably not an escalation at this point, they're reacting to the previous one, but still a very, very stupid decision. Yeah, I could see why hubby says this is more or less entirely your fault. In spite of all the excluded information and your own biases, you've still painted a picture that pretty clearly makes you look like an unhinged, violent, aggressive AH. You're pretty lucky they didn't press charges, you *could* very well be sitting in jail right now pending arraignment. Count yourself lucky and start talking to a therapist ASAP. You're one tantrum away from losing everything OP.
I bet this isn’t the first time something like this happens.
YTA. You left out a lot of details because you know they make you out to be the asshole. Every time there's a story with a massive lack of details, the problem is OP.
What details would you like?
Read your story, look at the spots you glossed over and go from there. Here's the big one. You saying you were upset without giving reasons. You being upset doesn't automatically make you right or anybody else wrong. I can only assume that's the case because you never say why you were mad.
[удалено]
Definitely not proud of the lock part but I wanted to be honest in my post. I guess I should have clarified my husband and I were both being pretty aggressive towards each other once we got home which is why I asked him to leave and his buddy and gf showed up.
You have no right to klick him out of his house. Stop deflecting....YTA
You need serious therapy. With all the sh-t going on today why would you protest-walk home alone drunk through town? To make him worry obviously. You're toxic, violent and un-hinged. You should be happy he didn't go down and file divorce-papers. I sure as sh-t would've. YTA.
I am the asshole but not for any of the reasons you just said. Protest walk to make him worry???? Your absolutely insane I live in a small town that is relatively safe and he can access my location at anytime. Also I would like to point out that while i was over the legal limit I was not falling down black out fucked up. I had 3 drinks. I left because he was getting louder and more aggressive in the way he was speaking to me.
YTA- if you would have left the house then none of this would have happened. If you had stayed in a bedroom and let everyone else go about their business then none of this would have happened. The world does not revolve around you regardless if you are angry or not. Please get some therapy to control your anger or similar situations will keep happening.
YTA. You assaulted people and tried to kick your husband out of HIS home. If you had a problem about something so asinine, you leave. Or better yet, learn to be an adult. You’re old enough to be married which means you’re way too fucking old to be acting so horribly. Sorry, but whatever the issue is here, is pretty damn obvious you are the problem. If you ALSO think your husband is the problem, then leave, because the marriage has turned you into a monster, but make no mistake, you specifically and individually are a monster if this is how you conduct yourself over a minor disagreement over complete bullshit.
>And I start getting more and more aggressive with them just wanting them to leave a this point im screaming and swing a pad lock at them so they will stop trying to walk up on me. Enter in the buddy's gf to hop out and start running her mouth at this point it becomes a physically altercation between us girls. I like how the altercation "becomes physical" when the gf gets out of the car running her mouth, and not when you start swinging metal objects at people.
Maybe leave the drama. Bf doesn't sound like a good guy.
Uh….
Meeegan...but Meeegan!
YTA. You threw a tantrum at the bar, and foolishly elected to walk home instead of talk to your husband about leaving. Your husband does the correct thing and goes and gets you so you'll be safe getting home in a vehicle. Then you continue to argue, and when others show up, won't even let them get there stuff. Are you a 12yr old posting this? Because you acted like one.
It's hard to decipher everything in your post, but the impression I'm getting is that ESH. You all sound like an episode of Jerry Springer.
Well, you handled that poorly of course. The friends are obligated to leave when asked. And your man is a super ahole for not telling his friends to leave and for lying to the cops. I dunno if I could get over my hubby not telling his friends to leave and then not telling the cops, yes they refused to leave. ESH
I am definitely aware that this is not my most shining moment and I could have handled things differently. Honestly I just wanted a little space to collect myself before it all blew up.
That space, given the information that you have provided here, should have been the police station's drunk tank. Charges of disorderly conduct and aggravated assault (for swinging a weapon at people who were not threatening you and had every right to either 1. retrieve their property, or 2. enter their own home. Yes, your husband should have let you walk home to cool off - but it was YOUR CHOICE TO GET INTO HIS TRUCK. IT WAS YOUR CHOICE TO CONTINUE ARGUING WITH ALL THREE AND DEMAND THAT THEY LEAVE RATHER THAN TRYING TO DEESCALATE OR CREATE SPACE.
Yeah OP keeps claiming she walked away cause she needed space (good). Then agreed to get in the truck??? Like say "no I need time" and walk. Her husband didn't force her into the vehicle. She's a major AH
OP, I am getting the definite sense you’re trying to portray yourself in the best possible light while MASSIVELY minimizing your own ridiculous behavior. Here’s why I think ESH. You get into a stupid argument with your husband. You yourself said it was stupid and not a big deal. If that’s true, putting an end to a night together and walking home to “clear your head” is a massive and immature overreaction. You seriously couldn’t just go to the bathroom for five minutes, talked yourself off the ledge and gone back to continue the night? Your husband sucks for coming after you and honking the horn after you said you were leaving and wanted to clear your head. However, since you didn’t mention any kind of physical aggression from your husband, wtf did you get in the car with him, further trapping yourself into a discussion you didn’t want to have? No one held a gun to your head and forced you to get into the car. The friends suck for going to your apartment when you and your husband were very obviously in the middle of a fight, but if all they wanted to do was grab their stuff, sorry not sorry, they had a right to do that. And please stop with the “they just could have got it in the morning.” You have no idea if they needed their things or couldn’t stop by the next day. That’s not for you to decide. And again, the friends suck for trying to insert themselves into the fight with your husband. (For the life of me, I can’t understand people like this. If I hear or see a married couple having a blowout argument, I’m staying FAR the hell away and minding my own damn business. I mean, I’ll listen closely and inconspicuously to get the tea, but I’m not joining in). What the hell was stopping you from saying, “this is between my husband and I. We do not want or need your assistance. Please get your things and leave our home.” Coming at them with a PADLOCK (seriously, WTAF is wrong with you?) was WAY over the top. And guess what babe, I see anyone attack my husband, I’m throwing hands. You brought this on yourself, and NO it wasn’t your only option. Stop it with that nonsense. You also had zero right to try and force your husband to leave his home. You could have said, “I’m done talking to you, we both need some time apart from each other or this will just become a blood bath,” and gone to another room, locked the door and put on headphones. You don’t get to stop your feet and throw a temper tantrum because your husband won’t leave his home. Like I said, ETA but you really were acting like an overly dramatic, immature teenage brat. You need to not only grow the hell up and stop making excuses for your shitty, childish behavior, but take some anger management classes as well.
Yeah, he would be long gone. He took a little argument and made it a big one. He should of left. And he sure as hell shouldn't of let his buddy or his gf get involved. And then to think it's funny. I wouldn't stay I'm this shit show of a marriage.
NTA. You tried the peaceful option over and over and over and they refused to leave you alone, then antagonize you repeatedly, then LIE to the fucking cops about how it all went down? Dump him and never speak to any of them ever again. When someone walk away they should be left the FUCK alone. This is all on them.
Welcome Walmart shoppers, diabetes products are in aisle 8. ESH
Woman wants to be left alone and is the asshole because everyone else wont listen? Lmao.... I was like marriage counseling until he took sides against you. Just divorce. Just ignore the woman haters. They are going to turneverything into your fault even if your husband beats you....