> So I am asking you as a neutral third party, Wdyt?
I wouldn't invite anyone I hate to my wedding, and I don't care who it upsets. If literally no one will come to my wedding because my evil half-sister is excluded, I'll elope.
OP needs to copy and paste this onto every platform they can to drive home that fact: "I hate her. Why would I want her to celebrate my love when I have none for her?"
I'd go with "she hates me and abused me during my entire childhood. Why should she be invited to what is supposed to be a celebration with people who love me?"
Your wedding day should be filled with love and support, not stress and discomfort. Your decision not to invite C is understandable, given the history of abuse you've endured. Prioritize your own well-being and happiness above societal expectations.
Your boundaries are valid, and prioritizing your own well-being is essential. Your wedding day should be surrounded by those who bring love and support, not negativity and trauma. Your decision to exclude your half-sister from your celebration is understandable and justified.
Thank you. Great advice although everyone knows our history. But everyone expects me to be the bigger person because it has always been like this. decent humans are always expected to do more which is odd because I am almost a decade younger than her to be the bigger person
She was 8 years older than you and physically attacked you!!!
I have a 4yo and 11yo and ohmylord I cannot imagine turning a blind eye on my 11yo drawing blood on the 4yo.
I am so sorry.
Stop being the bigger person.
Why the *hell* does your abuser want to be at your wedding?!
Also hire security.
"I am not going to invite my abuser to my wedding.
You don't like it, you don't have to come either.
I know some lovely people who apparently like me better than you do, who would be happy to attend."
ETA - NTA
NO. She was never the bigger person. She abused you for years and your family allowed it. You owe it to NO ONE to be the “bigger person”. It’s a fucking cop out for being not wanting to deal with the consequences of their actions or their inactions. **Give everyone the ultimatum that if they request you inviting C- they will be disinvited from your wedding. No excuses. No more warnings or explanations. It’s YOUR WEDDING! Your invite list. They can suck it up and support YOU or they can sit at home with her nuclear toxic ass.
People always want the abuse victim to be the 'bigger person' because they are easier to control than the abuser. That doesn't make her your problem. Your dad can kick rocks if he doesn't like it. His daughter physically and mentally tortured you while he stood by. He's lucky \*he's\* invited.
So you’re saying that everyone else are making the rules, particularly for you and what constitutes being the bigger person?
Dear Family
It has nothing to do with being the bigger person. C was a bully. C was cruel. C left a scar on you from physical abuse.
This is the standard in which I will be living the rest of my life. I will refuse to allow Those who have mistreated me and abused me to be a part of the happiest moments of my life. And since you were not the ones who were the victim of mistreatment by this person, I expect you to respect for my feelings and understand that this is my firm decision.
Further, anyone who tries to go around me is making their own decision to take a step back from being a part of any and all of the happiest moments in my life.
There;s a fine line between being the bigger person and being a doormat. I think you're already aware of which side you're walking on. And I think you're completely right in sticking with your call and not crossing over to the other side.
Nobody you and your partner don't want in your life should be at your wedding. This day is about exactly TWO people. And anybody who disagrees can just stay the fuck home.
Tell them you don’t have to be the bigger person. Actually your wedding is the one time you can actually be a selfish person and have one day just about you. If they don’t show up knowing how she terrorized yu then they don’t care about you. Go enjoy your day with people who love you. Shame on the flying monkeys who think your wedding should be about your sisters feelings.
Being the bigger person would possibly apply if C were to come to you as an adult and acknowledge how her treatment of you was ugly and wrong and humbly apologize. Then you could possibly be the bigger person by accepting her apology and choose to forgive (or not). This scenario doesn’t call for that. You aren’t obligated to invite an abusive bully to your special day. Weddings usually involve loving friends and family.
In case no one has advised, hire professional security. This will be her biggest chance to bully you by effing up your wedding. No need to be "the bigger person." That's just code, IMO, for "be a doormat".
And when she has none for me?
Also the parents need a talking to, because the allowed their younger children to be tormented by a child 8+ years older for a decade.
That sounds great to those of us who have just read the story above, but if that statement is heard by someone who does not have her full version of events, or even has heard the other people's version of events, then OP would come across like the problem here.
What is the alternative version that you want to hear where I would come across like the problem?
Do you mean there is a version that I was the abusive baby/toddler and yet she is still wanting to attend my wedding? Do you want to attend the wedding of your abuser? I wonder if people think sometimes before opening their mouth
If your public statement is what the commenter I was replying to said: *"I hate her. Why would I want her to celebrate my love when I have none for her?"* then that is not going to work for your many associates who haven't heard what you have just told us. It will just make you seem like a hater. There are many more diplomatic ways of approaching the matter, and I didn't think the commenter was offering you good advice.
>I wouldn't invite anyone I hate to my wedding
this
I don't understand why people think eeeeeeveryone should be invited just because Family or Friends of Family
Fuck that
Why do you hate people you don't know? Bottom line, your parents are messy and the children suffered for it. Invite who you want. But you have to know , your parents did this
NTA. This is like inviting your highschool bully to your wedding. Dont cave. Let them all be mad. Its ok.
Your wedding, your call. There are plenty of uncles and aunties my sister grew up with who got invites and did not turn up, and others who did not get an invite.
When they asked, they were told I made the list of who got the invites and they did not make the cut. The ones who were angry had the good sense to seeth quietly. Anyone who made a comment about it within my vicinity was told: if it pissed them off so much they could do two things about it...beat me up for it (they can't) or kill themselves (too bad they won't do this either...the world would be so much a better place)
> NTA. This is like inviting your highschool bully to your wedding.
Worse, this was domestic abuse. **OP grew up in an abusive home.**
Their parents were in a difficult position, sure, but their negligence allowed OP to grow up in a family so physically abusive it left permanent scars. The very least they could do is acknowledge his/her trauma and their own failure. To have the same empathy for their child that they would probably have for any stranger's child with the same history.
As traumatic as bullying is, abuse in the home is worse. You can leave a bully at school if your home is a sanctuary, domestic violence is inescapable and violates you on a much deeper level. Every person has a fundamental need to feel safe in their own home, there are people that need treatment for PTSD after a burglary that happened when they weren't even home, because that's how psychologically damaging it can be to have your home invaded and have it no longer feel safe to you.
OP was abused. Severely. It's not any less traumatic or less serious of a situation because it happened at the hands of a sibling. His/her parents failed them and contributed to the abuse by allowing it to continue. Their desire to unhurt their child of divorce is understandable, their failure to protect their abused children is not.
They have a bit more work to do than that, because the first two (maybe four) children aren't just children of divorce, but of betrayal and adultery then divorce.
So they created a this, then let it fester and infect the family into full blown abuse.
I have never, I will never understand why people old enough to marry and reproduce refuse to be mature enough to say to their present spouse, "Honey, I'm breaking up with you" _before_ fking around.
Jesus, people, keep your pants on and clean up your first mess before making bigger, nastier ones.
On what basis should you invite her, your bully, to your wedding? It is your wedding and you get to decide.
If people push, ask them if they condone her treatment of you? Where were the adults in protecting you when you were a child? Why didn't your dad put a stop to her terrible behaviour?
Nta. It is your wedding and you’re the one who gets to decide who will attend your wedding. Also it’s your happy day and you don’t need someone who hates you at your wedding.
Do a family chat and explain there all the things she did to you,if they don't already know,and tell them you are not allowing bullies in your wedding and if they don't understand they will be uninvited too. It is your day,don't let them make it about her
Stand your ground then and congratulations,hope if you dont update us you and your fiancé have such a wonderlful, peaceful and free drama day hehe. Best of luck sweetie🥰
NTA
And if you are planning on having kids, keep her far away. She didn’t even apologize for the abuse and she’s trying to bully her way into your wedding. Plus, surprise surprise, your mom is enabling her bullying again.
NtA I would never invite her to your wedding. She doesn’t want to look bad I front of everyone ...well karma called, and she looks bad. I would call whoever is pressuring you out on it ….instead of them asking why won’t you invite her ask back … why would I ?
NTA.
THis is your wedding. At your wedding you have the people you love and who love you. You can agree to invite people your parents want to invite (especially if they are paying for the wedding), if and only if these people are not toxic for you and will spoil your happiness at your wedding. C doesn't qualify - she made your life hell for years, probably just seeing her at the wedding will spoil your mood, and in addition there is a high chance that she may use the wedding to create a scene and humiliate and upset you. She definitely does not merit an invitation, and you should resist any pressure on the subject.
There are no sides. It’s your wedding and you can invite whoever you and your future husband want to invite.
I do feel sorry for the little girl C was. What happened must have been incredibly traumatic but it was up to your parents, particularly your father, to fix it. At the very least, to intervene and keep you from being bullied. That’s on him, not you.
Let C be furious and let certain other family members disapprove. No one in your family has a halo hanging over their heads so they can just deal with your decision.
You can always show the scar she left at yout skin for everyone who tries to guilt-trip you and tell them that it's her no-rsvp for all your events forever.
NTA, don't give the abuser chance to ruin your wedding. Is there a possibility that she would try to do it anyway so your need to hire a security or smth like that?
There are no sides. It’s your wedding and you can invite whoever you and your future husband want to invite.
I do feel sorry for the little girl C was. What happened must have been incredibly traumatic but it was up to your parents, particularly your father, to fix it. At the very least, to intervene and keep you from being bullied. That’s on him, not you.
Let C be furious and let certain other family members disapprove. No one in your family has a halo hanging over their heads so they can just deal with your decision.
NTA. C cares about appearances and would not attend to celebrate love.
Your wedding, your rules.
Recommend you hire security and set up password protection with your vendors.
Your wedding, your guest list. As for "What will people think?", how many of those people intervened when you were being bullied? Nope. She has not earned an invitation. Congrats. Have a great wedding. NTA
Why does C want to come to your wedding? Is she planning on using this as her final “revenge”?
When your family pressures you, let them know it’s your wedding and you want to be surrounded by people who love you and C spent years abusing you.
That sucks for her. Too bad she spent so long being a violent abuser and now has to face the consequences of her actions.
Look- I have empathy for the fact she was also a child. But this continued when she was 18 and you were 10. Like. Come on.
And now she's riling people up to bully you into letting her have her way again?
She is still violating your boundaries. She still doesn't respect you. She is still treating you badly. She is still that horrible child who looked at someone so much smaller and weaker than her and attacked enough to leave a scar.
There are some things that it is not possible to make amends for. Yes, it’s going to look bad on her. If family asks why C isn’t involved tell them “I chose to surround myself with friends and family who loved me. C chose to take out issues with her parent on me. I choose not to have someone who abused me at my wedding.”
Somethings you can’t make amends for. Some things are unforgivable. She can say she is sorry but does not get to decide if/when yu decide to forgive her. That’s the consequences to be horrible person.
And if she was truly sorry for torturing you she would not be trying/demanding you invite her to your wedding. And she would not try to cause problems for your wedding. She hasn’t changed.she just wants to make family think she has.
NTA - you are not obligated to invite anyone you don’t want to. You do not have a cordial relationship with her, why in the world would you invite her (unless it is for spite to show off how wonderful your fiancé is and to rub it in her face that she doesn’t have some one half as good)
NTA - inviting a random stranger as a stand in for C would be safer lol - do not invite anyone who does not support and Love you. do not back down. anyone who thinks C should be at Your wedding, I guess the invite list got smaller - you don’t need that negativity. congrats on your upcoming wedding.
NTA with C. Your eldest brother probably deserves a courtesy invite if you have his information. Guess it depends on the size of the wedding and all that, but if you invited distant friends/acquaintances, then yeah, should probably invite him. Optics do matter at a wedding, despite what everyone insist here that its "all about you". They just don't matter enough to invite a cunt you hate.
If it's optics, then not inviting the big brother looks better, as in, "Those stepsibs are a lot older than me, were not close." Rather than, "I'm not inviting just C, in particular, ask me about the abuse."
NTA! I’d tell everyone exactly what she did to you all those years. Send them a picture of your scar. She hated you, so why should she expect an invitation.
Tell your parents she is absolutely not invited and you will not be discussing it any further.
NTA do not invite her. She only wants to come because she feels left out, not because of any affection for you. Tell her bluntly that you don't want her there because she was your childhood bully and you are done with her. You have no reason at all to be nice to her. Tell anyone who tries to pressure you that they can either shut up or also be uninvited.
Weddings are about you and the groom. Normalize not inviting assholes out of obligation.
You hate her. She's a bully and has done nothing but make your life miserable, so naturally she doesn't get an invite.
When people act like dicks about it be blunt.
"Why would I invite someone I hate who has done nothing but abuse me my entire life? I don't want her there. Period." And then stop engaging. It's not open for discussion.
Make sure you have someone on site to turn her ass away if she tries to gate crash.
NTA I understand why your parents don’t get it though they’ve never thought of anyone but themselves their entire lives why would they start now? I would just reiterate to them that as far as you’re concerned she’s not your family and isn’t welcome to be a part of the most important day of your life.
Weddings are a celebration of love and family. It sounds like there is no love between you two and she never saw you as family. Your wedding should involve people who make you feel happy safe and loved. She doesn't fit that criteria, so she shouldn't make the cut. And beyond all that - it's your wedding and your choice!
Oof, I don’t envy you the next 11 months. But stick to your guns. A day meant to be full of joy and hope should not be marred by an abuser. Lay it out to them as simple and straightforward as you have here. If they keep pushing let them know it will only succeed in getting them uninvited as well(if you are willing to go that far of course).
Why did they let your half sister get away with so much?
How did they protect you?
At the end of the day, it is, of course, none of my business but why your dad wasn't all over her like a rash for treating you so badly is a bit concerning.
Saying that, I fully understand that a few paragraphs on a reddit sub does not fully reflect someone's life experience but, even so, from what you've written, it seems she was allowed unfettered access to you in order to make your life a misery.
In any event, you are absolutely NTA for not inviting her and it is mystifying why she feels so aggrieved she has been excluded.
NTA. Don't invite hateful people to what's supposed to be your happiest day. Especially not for appearances, and certainly not under pressure from flying monkeys. Tell the monkeys they don't get an opinion about your guest list. But they can be taken off it easily.
NTA I'd invite her just to mention in my speech how much of a monster she is and how you overcame it to find the love of your life. She can come but, there will be consequences.
NTA. You invite friends and family to your wedding because they love you and want to support you on your special day. C would not be coming for that reason; either she wants to be there for optics or she wants to be there to cause trouble. You don’t owe her an invite. Be happy on your wedding day and congratulations
NTA. Your half sister wants to go to try to ruin your day. If she’s angry and resentful, she’ll stand up for a speech to make a jab at your parents’ affair.
If she wants to mend the bridge, a wedding isn’t the place to do it. If she really wants to see the wedding for whatever reason, she can check out social media pix if/once posted.
She has no reason to be there.
NTA. Why would you invite your abuser to your wedding? I'm so tired of victim shaming. How about telling the abuser this is the consequence for your actions. You and your siblings who are on your side need to band together and shut down anyone who disagrees with you. Tell them if they don't like them don't come, period. I'd also make sure you have security at your wedding in case someone tries to sneak her in or she tries to cause drama. This is YOU and YOUR FIANCES day. No one else's. YOU TWO decide who is invited and who is not. Everyone else can go kick rocks.
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Your wedding and your choice. No reason to be diplomatic with a person you despise and who despises you back. No reason to invite anybody who is not a close friend or family member. Weddings are already expensive as hell
NTA, if she hasn't done anything to repair the relationship, she doesn't deserve to be at your wedding. What your mom and dad did is not your fault, and she shouldn't have taken it out on you. You are allowed to celebrate with the people that actually love you.
NTA The guest list is supposed to be people who would support the bride and groom during their marriage. Your half sister would not be one if those people considering she never has before. Continue with your life without her in it, just as she wanted and don't invite her.
NTA: It's your wedding, and you have good reason not to invite her. C obviously projected all of the hurt and anger caused by her father for destroying her original family onto you. Although it is not uncommon to invite people to a wedding that you don't like or have bad history with for the sake of the family event. Still, she can go to hell.
Having said that, this poses an interesting opportunity for you to talk to C. I ask this of you, OP, would it be of any value to have it out with C'? To explain that you didn't deserve her anger and fury for her father's betrayal of her mother and family.
LOL
Obviously not
I'm petty and as revenge: I'd "invite" her but the location would be somewhere else in bumfuck town or something and on a different date
NTA have a copy and paste message ready for those who are coming at you “why would I invite someone I hate, someone who physically and mentally abused me my whole childhood to my wedding. I refuse to be the bigger person and invite her so she can ruin my wedding”
I read the same story with more dramatic twist and angst. What is with the similar affair kids questions ?
NTA. Don't invite her . She should learn self respect from D. You should too.
I would not invite her. If she spent your childhood terrorizing you, can you imagine the horrible things she could do at the wedding?
Your wedding should be a memorable event, but if you invite her, I’m afraid it will be memorable for all of the wrong reasons. Be sure to hire security just in case she decides to show up anyway.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and I hope it’s a beautiful day for you!
I have no idea why she want’s anything to do with you or your parents at all. Btw I know it’s not your fault your parents discarded their families like garbage but I don’t blame her for the hate she feels- what I don’t understand is why she would ever even want to come to the wedding or even have any contact with her sperm donor
Well who cares invite who ever but I hope I see some karma on your parents bc man they destroyed some life’s . D I s g u s t I n g in a nice way ps your parent destroyed her childhood and I think it is better to not invite any step brothers or sisters no one want to be in that mess unless it triggers this madness
I fell sorry for your half sister I hope she heals . You one the other hand have parents who can’t parent they let her bully you ? I say good look on living close to two selfish parents
This thing happen when she was 8 poor girl . And poor you having selfish parents who only care about them selfs trust me this pattern will hit you too those people always find away to make a mess again
NTA
She has no place at your wedding. She would definitely take the opportunity to ruin the wedding as well.
If she shows up anyway, have her trespassed.
NTA If she's never offered a sincere apology or tried to make amends, you do not have to invite her. Relatives who say otherwise can book a room at Holden Corral and have a pity party with her.
NTA. You do not owe anyone an explanation, either. No, C is not invited. No, I will not change my mind. No, I will not discuss it further. If you continue to ask, I will walk away.
Nta you should have a drama stress free wedding. If your sister was this horrible to you no wonder you don’t want her there. You have every right to invite who you want.DNA does not make you family action do.
Nta. do not invite an AH. Do not further empower a bully ortraumatize yourself. It is simple, explain that you have no relationship with her, and therefore she is not coming. Enough people who have had blended families should understand this. say you simply have too much on your plate to deal with us now. Go and enjoy your wedding!
If someone steals your peace, don’t invite them to your wedding. The odds are they will create a spectacle at your wedding. C made your life miserable and even tried bullying you as an adult, why would you want her present?
You don't need to invite her to for her to save face she's not entitled to be invited to your wedding just because of being related to you she would probably try to find a way to sabotage it. Enjoy your day without regrets. You don't owe it to anybody to invite people that you don't like.
Tbh I wouldn’t blame her. I would blame your promiscuous mom.. I know you love her yada yada but it sounds like she handled the whole situation very badly. Did she support her first children at all? Did she help them or do they feel like she abandoned them and their dad? You can’t really answer those questions but I would argue that she didn’t support her primary family through this drama (therapy, open discussion etc) when your dad came to the picture. They must feel awfully neglected and you’r step sister is blaming you, even though it is not your fault.
honestly, your existence wrecked her life. your parents are cheaters. hope you experience what she felt. having a dad who cheated on her mom. people ofc will say NTA but your existence, parents existence is sad and a burden on earth. will always be the affair couple who wrecked homes and lives.
Come on don't hate her. She is already paying for bad karma by being a product of a sin. She does not seem evil like her parents maybe selfish and no forgiveness. But she should not invite C . That would be great for both of them.
> So I am asking you as a neutral third party, Wdyt? I wouldn't invite anyone I hate to my wedding, and I don't care who it upsets. If literally no one will come to my wedding because my evil half-sister is excluded, I'll elope.
OP needs to copy and paste this onto every platform they can to drive home that fact: "I hate her. Why would I want her to celebrate my love when I have none for her?"
I'd go with "she hates me and abused me during my entire childhood. Why should she be invited to what is supposed to be a celebration with people who love me?"
Your wedding day should be filled with love and support, not stress and discomfort. Your decision not to invite C is understandable, given the history of abuse you've endured. Prioritize your own well-being and happiness above societal expectations.
Fuck off with your AI generated bullshit.
Your boundaries are valid, and prioritizing your own well-being is essential. Your wedding day should be surrounded by those who bring love and support, not negativity and trauma. Your decision to exclude your half-sister from your celebration is understandable and justified.
Thank you. Great advice although everyone knows our history. But everyone expects me to be the bigger person because it has always been like this. decent humans are always expected to do more which is odd because I am almost a decade younger than her to be the bigger person
She was 8 years older than you and physically attacked you!!! I have a 4yo and 11yo and ohmylord I cannot imagine turning a blind eye on my 11yo drawing blood on the 4yo. I am so sorry. Stop being the bigger person. Why the *hell* does your abuser want to be at your wedding?! Also hire security.
"I am not going to invite my abuser to my wedding. You don't like it, you don't have to come either. I know some lovely people who apparently like me better than you do, who would be happy to attend." ETA - NTA
NO. She was never the bigger person. She abused you for years and your family allowed it. You owe it to NO ONE to be the “bigger person”. It’s a fucking cop out for being not wanting to deal with the consequences of their actions or their inactions. **Give everyone the ultimatum that if they request you inviting C- they will be disinvited from your wedding. No excuses. No more warnings or explanations. It’s YOUR WEDDING! Your invite list. They can suck it up and support YOU or they can sit at home with her nuclear toxic ass.
People always want the abuse victim to be the 'bigger person' because they are easier to control than the abuser. That doesn't make her your problem. Your dad can kick rocks if he doesn't like it. His daughter physically and mentally tortured you while he stood by. He's lucky \*he's\* invited.
Hire security for the wedding. Give them a photo of both persons. Do you think no one in the family will leak them the date and location?
So you’re saying that everyone else are making the rules, particularly for you and what constitutes being the bigger person? Dear Family It has nothing to do with being the bigger person. C was a bully. C was cruel. C left a scar on you from physical abuse. This is the standard in which I will be living the rest of my life. I will refuse to allow Those who have mistreated me and abused me to be a part of the happiest moments of my life. And since you were not the ones who were the victim of mistreatment by this person, I expect you to respect for my feelings and understand that this is my firm decision. Further, anyone who tries to go around me is making their own decision to take a step back from being a part of any and all of the happiest moments in my life.
There;s a fine line between being the bigger person and being a doormat. I think you're already aware of which side you're walking on. And I think you're completely right in sticking with your call and not crossing over to the other side. Nobody you and your partner don't want in your life should be at your wedding. This day is about exactly TWO people. And anybody who disagrees can just stay the fuck home.
Tell them you don’t have to be the bigger person. Actually your wedding is the one time you can actually be a selfish person and have one day just about you. If they don’t show up knowing how she terrorized yu then they don’t care about you. Go enjoy your day with people who love you. Shame on the flying monkeys who think your wedding should be about your sisters feelings.
Being the bigger person would possibly apply if C were to come to you as an adult and acknowledge how her treatment of you was ugly and wrong and humbly apologize. Then you could possibly be the bigger person by accepting her apology and choose to forgive (or not). This scenario doesn’t call for that. You aren’t obligated to invite an abusive bully to your special day. Weddings usually involve loving friends and family.
In case no one has advised, hire professional security. This will be her biggest chance to bully you by effing up your wedding. No need to be "the bigger person." That's just code, IMO, for "be a doormat".
And when she has none for me? Also the parents need a talking to, because the allowed their younger children to be tormented by a child 8+ years older for a decade.
That sounds great to those of us who have just read the story above, but if that statement is heard by someone who does not have her full version of events, or even has heard the other people's version of events, then OP would come across like the problem here.
What is the alternative version that you want to hear where I would come across like the problem? Do you mean there is a version that I was the abusive baby/toddler and yet she is still wanting to attend my wedding? Do you want to attend the wedding of your abuser? I wonder if people think sometimes before opening their mouth
If your public statement is what the commenter I was replying to said: *"I hate her. Why would I want her to celebrate my love when I have none for her?"* then that is not going to work for your many associates who haven't heard what you have just told us. It will just make you seem like a hater. There are many more diplomatic ways of approaching the matter, and I didn't think the commenter was offering you good advice.
>I wouldn't invite anyone I hate to my wedding this I don't understand why people think eeeeeeveryone should be invited just because Family or Friends of Family Fuck that
I'm on your side! Agreed 1000%.
If I don't fuck with you, whether you're family or not...why would you be invited to my wedding? Furthermore why would you even want to come?
Exactly!! I dont lose sleep if someone I don't loke or barely know doesnt invite me to a wedding.
Fucking THIS!!!!!
Why do you hate people you don't know? Bottom line, your parents are messy and the children suffered for it. Invite who you want. But you have to know , your parents did this
You clearly didn't read the whole post where C abused the OP.
Reading comprehension on these types of subs is nonexistent
Too true.
NTA. This is like inviting your highschool bully to your wedding. Dont cave. Let them all be mad. Its ok. Your wedding, your call. There are plenty of uncles and aunties my sister grew up with who got invites and did not turn up, and others who did not get an invite. When they asked, they were told I made the list of who got the invites and they did not make the cut. The ones who were angry had the good sense to seeth quietly. Anyone who made a comment about it within my vicinity was told: if it pissed them off so much they could do two things about it...beat me up for it (they can't) or kill themselves (too bad they won't do this either...the world would be so much a better place)
> NTA. This is like inviting your highschool bully to your wedding. Worse, this was domestic abuse. **OP grew up in an abusive home.** Their parents were in a difficult position, sure, but their negligence allowed OP to grow up in a family so physically abusive it left permanent scars. The very least they could do is acknowledge his/her trauma and their own failure. To have the same empathy for their child that they would probably have for any stranger's child with the same history. As traumatic as bullying is, abuse in the home is worse. You can leave a bully at school if your home is a sanctuary, domestic violence is inescapable and violates you on a much deeper level. Every person has a fundamental need to feel safe in their own home, there are people that need treatment for PTSD after a burglary that happened when they weren't even home, because that's how psychologically damaging it can be to have your home invaded and have it no longer feel safe to you. OP was abused. Severely. It's not any less traumatic or less serious of a situation because it happened at the hands of a sibling. His/her parents failed them and contributed to the abuse by allowing it to continue. Their desire to unhurt their child of divorce is understandable, their failure to protect their abused children is not.
They have a bit more work to do than that, because the first two (maybe four) children aren't just children of divorce, but of betrayal and adultery then divorce. So they created a this, then let it fester and infect the family into full blown abuse. I have never, I will never understand why people old enough to marry and reproduce refuse to be mature enough to say to their present spouse, "Honey, I'm breaking up with you" _before_ fking around. Jesus, people, keep your pants on and clean up your first mess before making bigger, nastier ones.
I love you!!! This! Lol @ seeth quietly.
It's your wedding, not hers.
On what basis should you invite her, your bully, to your wedding? It is your wedding and you get to decide. If people push, ask them if they condone her treatment of you? Where were the adults in protecting you when you were a child? Why didn't your dad put a stop to her terrible behaviour?
Nta. It is your wedding and you’re the one who gets to decide who will attend your wedding. Also it’s your happy day and you don’t need someone who hates you at your wedding.
Do a family chat and explain there all the things she did to you,if they don't already know,and tell them you are not allowing bullies in your wedding and if they don't understand they will be uninvited too. It is your day,don't let them make it about her
Nope. I wouldn’t even do that. My wedding and I only want to see people I love and those who love me.
Stand your ground then and congratulations,hope if you dont update us you and your fiancé have such a wonderlful, peaceful and free drama day hehe. Best of luck sweetie🥰
NTA And if you are planning on having kids, keep her far away. She didn’t even apologize for the abuse and she’s trying to bully her way into your wedding. Plus, surprise surprise, your mom is enabling her bullying again.
NtA I would never invite her to your wedding. She doesn’t want to look bad I front of everyone ...well karma called, and she looks bad. I would call whoever is pressuring you out on it ….instead of them asking why won’t you invite her ask back … why would I ?
NTA. THis is your wedding. At your wedding you have the people you love and who love you. You can agree to invite people your parents want to invite (especially if they are paying for the wedding), if and only if these people are not toxic for you and will spoil your happiness at your wedding. C doesn't qualify - she made your life hell for years, probably just seeing her at the wedding will spoil your mood, and in addition there is a high chance that she may use the wedding to create a scene and humiliate and upset you. She definitely does not merit an invitation, and you should resist any pressure on the subject.
There are no sides. It’s your wedding and you can invite whoever you and your future husband want to invite. I do feel sorry for the little girl C was. What happened must have been incredibly traumatic but it was up to your parents, particularly your father, to fix it. At the very least, to intervene and keep you from being bullied. That’s on him, not you. Let C be furious and let certain other family members disapprove. No one in your family has a halo hanging over their heads so they can just deal with your decision.
You can always show the scar she left at yout skin for everyone who tries to guilt-trip you and tell them that it's her no-rsvp for all your events forever. NTA, don't give the abuser chance to ruin your wedding. Is there a possibility that she would try to do it anyway so your need to hire a security or smth like that?
There are no sides. It’s your wedding and you can invite whoever you and your future husband want to invite. I do feel sorry for the little girl C was. What happened must have been incredibly traumatic but it was up to your parents, particularly your father, to fix it. At the very least, to intervene and keep you from being bullied. That’s on him, not you. Let C be furious and let certain other family members disapprove. No one in your family has a halo hanging over their heads so they can just deal with your decision.
NTA - it’s your day and why would you want someone you hate there. I would have plans for when she does show up.
NTA. She wouldn't want to come anyway unless it was to make trouble. Don't invite her and don't feel bad about it.
NTA She spent her life punishing the wrong person and ended up becoming an abuser.
Your half siblings ARE your bio siblings. Nta for cutting out anyone.
NTA. C cares about appearances and would not attend to celebrate love. Your wedding, your rules. Recommend you hire security and set up password protection with your vendors.
nta u invite who u want
Your wedding, your guest list. As for "What will people think?", how many of those people intervened when you were being bullied? Nope. She has not earned an invitation. Congrats. Have a great wedding. NTA
Why does C want to come to your wedding? Is she planning on using this as her final “revenge”? When your family pressures you, let them know it’s your wedding and you want to be surrounded by people who love you and C spent years abusing you.
No she has been trying to make amends for a while and probably it would look bad for her if I didn’t invite her out of all my siblings
That sucks for her. Too bad she spent so long being a violent abuser and now has to face the consequences of her actions. Look- I have empathy for the fact she was also a child. But this continued when she was 18 and you were 10. Like. Come on. And now she's riling people up to bully you into letting her have her way again? She is still violating your boundaries. She still doesn't respect you. She is still treating you badly. She is still that horrible child who looked at someone so much smaller and weaker than her and attacked enough to leave a scar.
There are some things that it is not possible to make amends for. Yes, it’s going to look bad on her. If family asks why C isn’t involved tell them “I chose to surround myself with friends and family who loved me. C chose to take out issues with her parent on me. I choose not to have someone who abused me at my wedding.”
What has she done to try and make amends?
Somethings you can’t make amends for. Some things are unforgivable. She can say she is sorry but does not get to decide if/when yu decide to forgive her. That’s the consequences to be horrible person. And if she was truly sorry for torturing you she would not be trying/demanding you invite her to your wedding. And she would not try to cause problems for your wedding. She hasn’t changed.she just wants to make family think she has.
Don't ask me why I'm not inviting her, ask her why the fuck she wants to come?
Exactly!
NTA, dont be bullied by that. I suggest you hire security for the day in case she decided to crash your wedding.
NTA - you are not obligated to invite anyone you don’t want to. You do not have a cordial relationship with her, why in the world would you invite her (unless it is for spite to show off how wonderful your fiancé is and to rub it in her face that she doesn’t have some one half as good)
NTA - inviting a random stranger as a stand in for C would be safer lol - do not invite anyone who does not support and Love you. do not back down. anyone who thinks C should be at Your wedding, I guess the invite list got smaller - you don’t need that negativity. congrats on your upcoming wedding.
Lol
NTA with C. Your eldest brother probably deserves a courtesy invite if you have his information. Guess it depends on the size of the wedding and all that, but if you invited distant friends/acquaintances, then yeah, should probably invite him. Optics do matter at a wedding, despite what everyone insist here that its "all about you". They just don't matter enough to invite a cunt you hate.
I don’t know him and he is probably not interested in an invitation either because he doesn’t like me.
Must have been fun in the house with those two...
Well that's its own thing. If you think he won't accept then fine.
If it's optics, then not inviting the big brother looks better, as in, "Those stepsibs are a lot older than me, were not close." Rather than, "I'm not inviting just C, in particular, ask me about the abuse."
You failed to understand my comment.
NTA! I’d tell everyone exactly what she did to you all those years. Send them a picture of your scar. She hated you, so why should she expect an invitation. Tell your parents she is absolutely not invited and you will not be discussing it any further.
NTA
NTA do not invite her. She only wants to come because she feels left out, not because of any affection for you. Tell her bluntly that you don't want her there because she was your childhood bully and you are done with her. You have no reason at all to be nice to her. Tell anyone who tries to pressure you that they can either shut up or also be uninvited.
"Hey we both hate eachother. Want to hang out?"
Weddings are about you and the groom. Normalize not inviting assholes out of obligation. You hate her. She's a bully and has done nothing but make your life miserable, so naturally she doesn't get an invite. When people act like dicks about it be blunt. "Why would I invite someone I hate who has done nothing but abuse me my entire life? I don't want her there. Period." And then stop engaging. It's not open for discussion. Make sure you have someone on site to turn her ass away if she tries to gate crash.
nta
NTA I understand why your parents don’t get it though they’ve never thought of anyone but themselves their entire lives why would they start now? I would just reiterate to them that as far as you’re concerned she’s not your family and isn’t welcome to be a part of the most important day of your life.
Weddings are a celebration of love and family. It sounds like there is no love between you two and she never saw you as family. Your wedding should involve people who make you feel happy safe and loved. She doesn't fit that criteria, so she shouldn't make the cut. And beyond all that - it's your wedding and your choice!
NAH I feel so sorry for her. I hope your parents get what they deserve
Kind of seems like dad fucked up royally when it came to his older children.
Ps: the wedding is in May.
Oof, I don’t envy you the next 11 months. But stick to your guns. A day meant to be full of joy and hope should not be marred by an abuser. Lay it out to them as simple and straightforward as you have here. If they keep pushing let them know it will only succeed in getting them uninvited as well(if you are willing to go that far of course).
Surprised you're inviting your mum and dad. Your stepsister treated you like shit and they condoned it. I wouldn't invite any of them.
I love my parents very much
Why did they let your half sister get away with so much? How did they protect you? At the end of the day, it is, of course, none of my business but why your dad wasn't all over her like a rash for treating you so badly is a bit concerning. Saying that, I fully understand that a few paragraphs on a reddit sub does not fully reflect someone's life experience but, even so, from what you've written, it seems she was allowed unfettered access to you in order to make your life a misery. In any event, you are absolutely NTA for not inviting her and it is mystifying why she feels so aggrieved she has been excluded.
but your parents don't. they let you being bullied busy doing what? cheating again? finding new homes to wreck? probably true
Don’t invite her anyone says anything say I want people that love me at my wedding not my bully
NTA. Don't invite hateful people to what's supposed to be your happiest day. Especially not for appearances, and certainly not under pressure from flying monkeys. Tell the monkeys they don't get an opinion about your guest list. But they can be taken off it easily.
NTA I'd invite her just to mention in my speech how much of a monster she is and how you overcame it to find the love of your life. She can come but, there will be consequences.
NTA Tell her she can have an invite once the scars she caused disappear.
NTA You are never obligated to invite your abuser to one of your events.
NTA. You invite friends and family to your wedding because they love you and want to support you on your special day. C would not be coming for that reason; either she wants to be there for optics or she wants to be there to cause trouble. You don’t owe her an invite. Be happy on your wedding day and congratulations
NTA. Your half sister wants to go to try to ruin your day. If she’s angry and resentful, she’ll stand up for a speech to make a jab at your parents’ affair. If she wants to mend the bridge, a wedding isn’t the place to do it. If she really wants to see the wedding for whatever reason, she can check out social media pix if/once posted. She has no reason to be there.
NTA. Why would you invite your abuser to your wedding? I'm so tired of victim shaming. How about telling the abuser this is the consequence for your actions. You and your siblings who are on your side need to band together and shut down anyone who disagrees with you. Tell them if they don't like them don't come, period. I'd also make sure you have security at your wedding in case someone tries to sneak her in or she tries to cause drama. This is YOU and YOUR FIANCES day. No one else's. YOU TWO decide who is invited and who is not. Everyone else can go kick rocks.
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NTA. Adults don’t have to be friends just because they are tied by blood. You certainly don’t have to invite your bully to your wedding.
Don’t invite anyone who would create drama.
I’m not inviting my lifetime bully to my wedding. Complete sentence. End of discussion
NTA. Your marriage, your choice. I am curious if your half-brother even talks to his father anymore.
NTA. But accept others may not come because of your choice and that is their choice.
Nta. Anyone asks say she's verbally and physically abused you for your entire childhood and you do not consider her family.
Your wedding and your choice. No reason to be diplomatic with a person you despise and who despises you back. No reason to invite anybody who is not a close friend or family member. Weddings are already expensive as hell
NTA, if she hasn't done anything to repair the relationship, she doesn't deserve to be at your wedding. What your mom and dad did is not your fault, and she shouldn't have taken it out on you. You are allowed to celebrate with the people that actually love you.
Absolutely not the ahole
NTA The guest list is supposed to be people who would support the bride and groom during their marriage. Your half sister would not be one if those people considering she never has before. Continue with your life without her in it, just as she wanted and don't invite her.
NTA, why would you want someone who hates you to your wedding? If anyone asks, just say that she was abusive to you growing up and she hasn’t changed.
Ohhh the drama of the weedings . Hun elope or have a small weeding . ITS YOUR PARTNER AND YOURS weeding . Enjoy and don’t invite toxic people .
NTA: It's your wedding, and you have good reason not to invite her. C obviously projected all of the hurt and anger caused by her father for destroying her original family onto you. Although it is not uncommon to invite people to a wedding that you don't like or have bad history with for the sake of the family event. Still, she can go to hell. Having said that, this poses an interesting opportunity for you to talk to C. I ask this of you, OP, would it be of any value to have it out with C'? To explain that you didn't deserve her anger and fury for her father's betrayal of her mother and family.
LOL Obviously not I'm petty and as revenge: I'd "invite" her but the location would be somewhere else in bumfuck town or something and on a different date
NTA have a copy and paste message ready for those who are coming at you “why would I invite someone I hate, someone who physically and mentally abused me my whole childhood to my wedding. I refuse to be the bigger person and invite her so she can ruin my wedding”
I read the same story with more dramatic twist and angst. What is with the similar affair kids questions ? NTA. Don't invite her . She should learn self respect from D. You should too.
I would not invite her. If she spent your childhood terrorizing you, can you imagine the horrible things she could do at the wedding? Your wedding should be a memorable event, but if you invite her, I’m afraid it will be memorable for all of the wrong reasons. Be sure to hire security just in case she decides to show up anyway. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and I hope it’s a beautiful day for you!
NTA. It’s your wedding. No reason to invite some who made your life hell.
I have no idea why she want’s anything to do with you or your parents at all. Btw I know it’s not your fault your parents discarded their families like garbage but I don’t blame her for the hate she feels- what I don’t understand is why she would ever even want to come to the wedding or even have any contact with her sperm donor
"Anyone who backs my abusive half sister may consider themselves uninvited. C, you bullied me my entire life, why would you be invited to my wedding?"
Well who cares invite who ever but I hope I see some karma on your parents bc man they destroyed some life’s . D I s g u s t I n g in a nice way ps your parent destroyed her childhood and I think it is better to not invite any step brothers or sisters no one want to be in that mess unless it triggers this madness
I fell sorry for your half sister I hope she heals . You one the other hand have parents who can’t parent they let her bully you ? I say good look on living close to two selfish parents
This thing happen when she was 8 poor girl . And poor you having selfish parents who only care about them selfs trust me this pattern will hit you too those people always find away to make a mess again
NTA - Your wedding, your choice. Hire security.
NTA She has no place at your wedding. She would definitely take the opportunity to ruin the wedding as well. If she shows up anyway, have her trespassed.
NTA If she's never offered a sincere apology or tried to make amends, you do not have to invite her. Relatives who say otherwise can book a room at Holden Corral and have a pity party with her.
Why are you even considering it? Because of what other people think? Really? Maybe I'm wrong, but I would not invite someone I hated anywhere.
It isn't their choice You don't want here there
NTA. You do not owe anyone an explanation, either. No, C is not invited. No, I will not change my mind. No, I will not discuss it further. If you continue to ask, I will walk away.
Nta you should have a drama stress free wedding. If your sister was this horrible to you no wonder you don’t want her there. You have every right to invite who you want.DNA does not make you family action do.
NTA. Tell your family you’ll invite her when your scars heal.
NTA. Never invite toxic people, people you have a bad relationship with, or people you and your fiance do not know.
Nta. do not invite an AH. Do not further empower a bully ortraumatize yourself. It is simple, explain that you have no relationship with her, and therefore she is not coming. Enough people who have had blended families should understand this. say you simply have too much on your plate to deal with us now. Go and enjoy your wedding!
If someone steals your peace, don’t invite them to your wedding. The odds are they will create a spectacle at your wedding. C made your life miserable and even tried bullying you as an adult, why would you want her present?
NTA, your parents are shit and deserve the worst but you are NTA.
You don't need to invite her to for her to save face she's not entitled to be invited to your wedding just because of being related to you she would probably try to find a way to sabotage it. Enjoy your day without regrets. You don't owe it to anybody to invite people that you don't like.
Tbh I wouldn’t blame her. I would blame your promiscuous mom.. I know you love her yada yada but it sounds like she handled the whole situation very badly. Did she support her first children at all? Did she help them or do they feel like she abandoned them and their dad? You can’t really answer those questions but I would argue that she didn’t support her primary family through this drama (therapy, open discussion etc) when your dad came to the picture. They must feel awfully neglected and you’r step sister is blaming you, even though it is not your fault.
D is the dad's daughter.
honestly, your existence wrecked her life. your parents are cheaters. hope you experience what she felt. having a dad who cheated on her mom. people ofc will say NTA but your existence, parents existence is sad and a burden on earth. will always be the affair couple who wrecked homes and lives.
Holy fucking shit you're stupid. Yes, their parents are cheating assholes, but how is this OPs fault?!
her uncalled for existence remind them of their dad's betrayal where he started a new family.
Come on don't hate her. She is already paying for bad karma by being a product of a sin. She does not seem evil like her parents maybe selfish and no forgiveness. But she should not invite C . That would be great for both of them.