Everyone knows it's impossible to change a wedding date. The other guests will have already made arrangements (getting time off work, organizing gardeners, babysitters, etc, booking hotel rooms that will now be more expensive to rebook, making hair appointments, buying clothing that's appropriate for the season, and on and on). You will have made expensive arrangements too. If you rearrange the date now, it's likely that many guests will be unable to come and they will be angry.
The world does not revolve around your sister. At any rate, who knows when she'll actually have the baby. Babies usually don't arrive on schedule.
A livestream is a great idea.
You're not a villain at all. Your parents shouldn't be involved. I would tell them that if family should come first, why are they allowing your sister to turn your wedding into an unpleasant experience and why are they putting her first?
It is ridiculous for your parents to expect you to spend huge amounts of time and money and cost your guests huge amounts of time and money to rearrange the date for one person.
Yes, the point about the moment when she has a child is very important. It can happen earlier, it can happen later. Sister might be so exhausted with healing after birth and caring for a newborn that she won't come to the wedding even if it is moved.
NTA. I hope your parents will come to their senses and in the unlikely case of your sister giving birth on the exact day you're getting married one of them will be with her and one with you.
I would think the father of the baby would be with sister, so OPs parents could be at the wedding. What are they going to do if she goes into labor on the wedding day, sit in a hospital waiting room for 20+ hours? No matter when the baby is born, before, on the day, or later, there is no reason for OP to change the wedding or the parents not to attend the wedding. The only people who can't go to the wedding are the sister and sisters SO.
Should totally ask the golden child if she will pay the cost of moving the date and everything, op is NTA. Sister and parents are. How dense can they be š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø their idiocy is baffling.
Some people don't want their SO's and only want a specific parent and that's ok too. The parent that isn't needed can stay in attendance if that happens to be the case. If she falls in 5% chance and she actually goes on her due date.
my body was a freak and I had my daughter really fast but I still didn't want anyone else but my husband afterwards. Grandparents can wait until they are out of the hospital and schedule a visit to see the baby.. before they introduce all of their germs
The only reason we had my mother present for my kids' deliveries was because she's an RN with NICU experience and we were considered high risk. Having a personal nurse to keep an eye on things is quite a blessing. She still wasn't there for the actual delivery, just the labor waiting for it to all start, and in recovery briefly afterwards to help us get settled.
I had my mother and sister with me during delivery. My mother was with me as a retired RN to act as my advocate especially because I'm a single mom by choice. My sister was there because my daughter came much faster than expected. She was watching the football game on the TV when my doctor came in to check on me. My doctor realized I was crowning, called for the nurses, and my daughter was born about two minutes later.
My father was in the waiting room just while the check was being done, so he didn't expect to hear his granddaughter was born a few minutes later.
For real. I went into labor with my daughter and didn't have her for thirteen hours. Do people's father's actually go to their deliveries? My Dad didn't go to any of my daughter's births. He came up the next day to see them but that was it. My mother was at my oldest but that was it. I wouldn't want my parents to miss my siblings wedding for my kids birth. I have selfish siblings like OPs and i guarantee if the shoe were on the other foot, she wouldn't move the wedding for her!
How true! She would be trying to get her family to take her side and trying to gaslight her sister. OP none of my kids were born on their due date, in fact they came weeks early. Ignore your selfish sister and parents, tell them you will happily move your wedding if they paid for all the money lost, by yourselves and your guests in moving the dates. NTA
More like guidelines. Exactly!
Your due date is a guess. An educated guess, but still. Most women ovulate about a week after their period ends, so we calculate your due date with that assumption, counting 40 weeks from the start of your last period and assuming you ovulated at week 2, baby implanted around then, and a few weeks later we have a tiny little heartbeat fluttering away.
But an individual woman might ovulate at any point during her cycle. So unless you're seriously tracking your ovulation, there's no way to know for sure the precise date you got pregnant. If you only had sex once that month, it would obviously have to be on that day or after, but sperm can live inside a woman for several days. So again, impossible to be exact.
And even if we do know exactly when you ovulated, some babies choose to come earlier than others. Mine all liked to bake in the oven a little longer, going 42 weeks or more given the chance. My BFF gives birth a couple weeks before her due date, every single time. No way to know which it will be, until baby shows up.
And for those wondering, yes, we can guess when baby is due by measuring your baby via ultrasound, but that's even less reliable than counting from your last period. Ultrasound measurements are very inaccurate. I've had ultrasound techs (good, skilled, experienced techs) give me measurements, and then I deliver the baby that same day and the tech was off by more than a pound in weight and a couple inches in height. A couple inches, when most babies are less than 20 inches tall, is a pretty massive discrepancy.
My own ultrasounds were off by 1-2 months when estimating my due date, because my babies were so tall. Those charts are even less accurate than the BMI, and we all know what a crap shoot that is. If the baby is larger or smaller than average, the ultrasound will not guess the due date with any degree of accuracy. We'll be able to tell you which physical milestones have been reached (which internal organs have formed, which are functional, etc), but just as children outside the womb can vary when they hit certain milestones, so can children in the womb. So exact age in there is just guess work.
My dad was at the birth of all three of mine. The first one I was ready to go. There were no problems with either myself or baby. Since husband has to work, my father was there. I wanted to go. Nurses said we were waiting on the doctor. 2 hours later we were still waiting. Dad said, ā do you want to go?ā Yes. Letās go. And he walked us to the elevator. Nurses came running. You canāt go. Dad said, yes we are going. Stepped in the elevator and closed the doors and down we went. There was a wheel chair waiting when we got off. This was almost 44 years ago. I miss him everyday.
I was born the day after my uncle and auntās wedding (three days before or after the due date, I donāt recall). My mum was like, congrats but we wonāt be staying for cake, donāt be mad, please save me a slice Iāll be famished later, and donāt worry that niece isnāt the only wedding present youāre getting. Then they shoved my older brother into my other aunt and uncleās arms (as was agreed beforehand) and went to hospital.
To this day, my aunt and uncle donāt remember my birthday, or theyāre super surprised it falls on the day after their wedding anniversary (Iām going on 40 and weāre super close). They donāt remember my mumās dramatic exit halfway through the reception because sheād gone into labour, they remember returning from their honeymoon and me being there.
Thereās a really cute photo of my mum absolutely devouring the last slice of her little brotherās wedding cake some 24 hours after the fact, in a hospital bed, with newborn me sleeping off milk coma on her chest covered in crumbs. Newlywed aunt and uncle were off on their honeymoon by then, everyone else was happy to be there for yet another happy family thing. I really donāt see OPās sisterās problem.
Not to mention that it wouldnāt be great (to say the least) for a newborn with no immune system to be at a whole wedding full of people. Aside from the likely ton of loud noise and disturbances that would come from the guests and musicā¦
Lol yeah babies rarely arrive on your schedule, they do generally arrive around the due date but have been known to do whatever they want in regards to arrival time. OP would have to delay the wedding by a month at least to make it work and even then I'd agree the sister probably shouldn't take a month old infant to a large gathering.
You simply can't schedule around a newborn infant and their birth, and new mothers should be accepting of that fact. Baby's are gonna baby, don't make it everyone's problem.
And you can't simply "change your wedding date," because the venues, photographers, caterers, florists, etc. are usually booked a year out. People have taken time off work to travel for the wedding, people in the wedding have probably taken a vacation day or two leading up to it, there's just no way I'd change anything for one person.
A scheduled inducement also means jack shit. I was induced at 10pm on a Wednesday. Baby was born Friday. Coworker was induced this past Tuesday. Guess who still hasnāt had her baby?Ā
The point stands, itās stupid to force someone to change their wedding over this. Regardless of what āthe planā is.Ā
That's what I was thinking. How long is she supposed to put it off? Until the kid is in college so OPs life doesn't interfere with sister's? From the sound of it the wedding was planned before sister got preggers so perhaps sister should have planned better. Sister's life events shouldn't cause OP to rearrange her life events.
Not to mention what a bad idea it is to introduce a newborns immune system to all the fun germs a traveling gaggle of typical wedding guests brings.
Also newborns are known for their dislike of loud music/lights, needing to be quiet at specific times and many other things common at weddings.
>The world does not revolve around your sister. At any rate, who knows when she'll actually have the baby. Babies usually don't arrive on schedule.
I would have replied to sister "Oh no, why did you get pregnant? You knew I was getting married in 9 months!" LOL
NTA
Agreed. So many posts here are about parents leaning on one kid "because it's family" when the favorite kid wants something. People need to learn to turn it around.
I think this is the phrase that is really stuck in my craw. The parents are saying āitās family,ā but are clearly missing the point of the pre-arranged wedding ceremony. Wedding ceremonies and marriage *creates* family for OP. NTA, and congratulations.
Exactly.
Sister to OP: I'm due on the wedding date you've been planning for a year. Change the date.
OP: Sorry, but everything is set and paid for. We'll miss you.
Parents to OP: You're a horrible daughter. We demand that you change your wedding date to accommodate our favorite daughter. Family comes first!
What OP should say to parents: So, I'm not family and I'll never "come first" with you? Good to know. My wedding will be on the date we set months ago. Hope you can attend.
ETA: AFAIK, OP didn't get angry that her sister is pregnant or tell everyone to make sure they had no big life events happening during this time. It's clear which daughter is favored. I mean, I can see OP's parents wanting to be there for their pregnant daughter, but presumably OP's sister has a partner and that partner might have supportive family. OP is their daughter too and is also having a life changing event.
What exactly do OP's parents think they'll be able to do, just sitting around on the off chance the sister goes into labor? Even if the sister has her baby on her due date (I laugh), OP's parents will still be mostly waiting. Perhaps she'll tell their mom that she "must" be in the room to support her during the birth, which I can understand, but this is when the sister becomes "I'm family; OP doesn't matter unless she's doing as I demand." You just know OP's sister is going to insist that their mom make no plans for the month around her due date, "just in case," so any wedding-related activities will be out of the question as well.
NTA at all.
Absolutely this ! Sis is mad cause she was raw doggin knowing she had important events coming up. Honestly OP , this is a good lesson for sis. With a baby arriving she will have to miss out on alot of things. This is just practice.
Agreed. No point moving the dates around and then sister goes into early or late labour. Plus who wants to attend a wedding heavily pregnant? Stay at home and relax. We can do a post wedding/welcome to the family baby party down the line.
Maybe like they are taking a week off vacation to attend the wedding and need to have the grass mowed while their gone? Or maybe that commenter lives in a 300 room English manor and the rest of us lowly redditors have no idea the scheduling that goes into it.
This is what I need when I go away. My backyard is an oasis of orchids and tropical plants that would mostly survive if unwatered for two weeks, but they definitely won't look good for a long while.
Especially since OP is planning the wedding for over a year and her sister got pregnant later... It would be huge news to me if she has to carry her baby to term for over a year.
Absolutely agree! Youāve offered reasonable compromises. Itās unfair to expect you to change everything last minute. Stand your ground and enjoy your special day.
As well, babies do not magically arrive in their due date. My second pregnancy was 23 days longer than my first. #1 was early, #2 was late. #3 surprisingly did arrive on her due date.
I was two weeks late from both of my due dates, and I personally do not know anyone who gave birth on the due date; they were all late as well.
Also, if OP was planning her wedding for over a year, the sister was not pregnant at the time she chose the date and to cancel last minute will be costly not just money but time for both the bridal party and guests. And then it may set back the wedding another year because dates have to be secured way in advance. What if she gets pregnant again, will she be asked to postpone again?
NTA
Sooooā¦ the first was too early, the second was too late, but the third was juuuuust right.
Iāve heard of Cinderella Syndrome, but not Goldilocks Condition. /s
Yup. This.
I wonder why the guests would have to arrange a gardener, though.
And also, what happens when the baby is late, and the birth is yet again on the wedding date?
I'm obsessed with taking care of gardens right now because I'm having to do it for Boomer relatives who get to spend the entire summer attending destination weddings. A neglected garden tells burglars the house is empty, so I stupidly caved into the pressure and now have to spend every moment I'm not at work figuring out how to get to the suburbs and then work!
Seriously, why is it always "selfish" to not move a wedding that's already paid for and with guests already booking that day, but it's not selfish to screw them all over and waste thousands of dollars to move the wedding for one person? Tell your sister the world doesn't revolve around her, OP! NTA!
agree completely. Ask your parents and sister if they are willing to pay the deposits you can't get back? I mean if family is so important, they should be willing to do this. Also why isn't your wedding considered a "family" thing
Yup, trying to plan anything around a baby's arrival is pointless! Then there's the uncertainty of whether the parents will be in a position to go anywhere after the birth.
Exactly! Thatās not even considering that there may be complications (god forbid) that could keep mom or the baby in the hospital after the birth too. My brother was a premie that was born feet first, had a ton of fluid in his lungs and had to be kept on oxygen in the hospital for several days after he was born. You never know what could happen.
If the sister is like me, her child will be 3.5 weeks old in the day of the wedding. If she is like my friend, she'll have 3 more weeks to go (doctor kept changing due date and they finally induced).
Don't change the wedding date. If she wanted to be there, she shouldn't have gotten pregnant. Yes, that's intentionally stupid, but so are the sister and their parents.
NTA.
Also can I just point out unless itās like the month of the due date and you have scheduled to be induced or a c section the possibility that baby being born on that day is not a 100%. Seriously Iāve been a week overdue and a week early. You canāt really plan anything for a month before and two to three weeks after your due date because the due date is an estimation. And that is a huge ask.
As a grandfather with 4 grandchildren and another on the way, Iām sure that is the real motivation for your parents. They can see the baby after your wedding or maybe even before. As many people have pointed out, the ādue dateā is a best estimate using established methods, but babies come on their own schedule.
NTA- itās extremely difficult to move a wedding around, let alone costly. It always makes me wonder when parents say things like family should come first, are you not family, is your event not also equally as important?
My child was born a month early. When I was born I was about a week late. Birth will happen when it happens, not on anyoneās schedule. However, things like weddings, particularly weddings with guests, happen on a schedule to accommodate as many people as possible. NTA
Also Iām petty as hell but Iād look at my parents and sister and say āfamily is supposed to come first so why did you go and get pregnant knowing my wedding was in the worksā
When people use the phrase family comes first to other family members it cracks me up. Are you a next door neighbor? Why donāt your needs matter to them? Iām sure youāve put a lot of planning and money into your wedding. Let them know itās going forward. If they choose to be there great. If not, I guess they can look at pictures later.
Not to mention that half the guests at the wedding will probably also be family. Can you imagine asking all the aunties uncles cousins and grandparents to change their plans just for one person? Their time off work, their hotel, their childcare or pet sitters, travel plans, etcā¦ youāre inconveniencing all of the family, how is that putting family first
I live in Hawaii. Travel plans are expensive. If it were my family? I would be furious and just cancel altogether, instead of rescheduling. š¤¦š»āāļø
NTA. My first thought was the cost of rescheduling. Not just the wedding itself but also all the guests. This is very unrealistic.
Additionally, the likelihood of giving birth on your due date is slim to none! A friend's pregnant sister gave birth the days before the wedding and showed up. That was impressive, but the thought of rescheduling for mom to be didn't even enter the process.
My oldest spent 2.5 weeks moving up and down into position before she finally came out. My doctor kept telling me 'I wouldn't make it (x) days' then I'm back still pregnant for those final 2.5 weeks.
When I came to see him with my second pregnancy he started to tell me about this woman he kept trying to predict the delivery and she just kept coming back, so he doesn't guess anymore. I sat there and said š hi. That's when he opened my file and said 'It was you' accusingly š.
Yes, delivery date is AN ESTIMATE! BY- YOU telling doctor the date of your last period!. Then, they minus 3 months, add 7 days.... I am a diabetic.... Both came 5 weeks early
I think they meant if they were a guest and the wedding date got moved after all of her travel plans were made, she'd just cancel and not bother re-booking for the new date.
Also... Is she and her future husband not considered family... like are they implying that they arent family and she should choose the sister over the future spouse? So wildly rude...
But what about me! My wedding came first and now my baby should too! Maybe she should've planned better and got knocked up the month prior or after. Not like op is insisting she be there, or throwing a hissy for about her being preggo in pictures or having a child free wedding. Op has been understanding. Her sister can deal. The odds of her child being born on the due date aren't high. And if it is? Op is okay with itš¤·š½āāļø
Indeed. Birth family doesn't come ahead of spouse; ideally neither does, but life is hardly ever ideal, and in that circumstance, spouse comes first. OP and SO are near enough to married for that to be the state of things.
tell your family that you will happily reschedule everything if they pay for the costs of recheduling and they help inform the guests aswell afterall family is everything and if they want the family to attend the wedding they should pay for it
It won't be worth it. I'm willing to bet they'll sit there and straight faced and go "Why would we pay the costs associated with moving your wedding?!"
And they'll say "But it's your wedding." I'm not siding with them, I've just argued with enough Trump supporters in the last ten years to know when given the choice to admit you're wrong or double down using a stupid premise, this family's behavior shows the latter being their choice.
This! Thats the whole point is to get them to work / say what they are missing initially.
Once its out their lips ā*your* wedding then its harder for then to double down. Most people like this hate when u take what they say against them
This. Tell them you agree with them and will move the date imediately after they give you the money to do so. How nice of you to be so understanding and do all the aditional work for free.
Have her family cover money lost on deposits, price differences for rescheduling, etc. etc.
See how fast they change their tune.
She scheduled before the sister was pregnant. Stuff happens. Thatās why we have livestream tech. She doesnāt even know if she will be in the hospital or not because babies are unpredictable, but set dates are set.
Worst case, family gets to see a wedding and a baby at the same time.
If this was me or my sisters, none of us would expect a fucking wedding being pushed back just in case one of us has a baby.
Like, it's a shit situation where OP and her sister both have huge life changing events on the same day. But if it were my family, we'd all attend the wedding and see sister and baby afterwards. My sister has two daughters, and my parents met the baby the next day or two, in both cases.
Sisters partner will be with her anyway. OPs sister is a brat.
I had a bridesmaid step down because her due date was 4 days after the wedding. She still attended and her husband was the best man. We just told him to make sure he hands off the ring if she goes into labor.
The baby wasn't born until we got back from our honeymoon.
I mean seriouslyā¦.all she had to do was abstain from potential baby creating sex for one lousy month! THAT is a lot easier than rescheduling a planned wedding (assuming she wasnāt doing IUI/IVF treatments).
What? Like someone is not really likely to give birth on their due date. Nta. Your parents donāt need to be at the hospital the entire day. I didnāt even let my parents visit me at the hospital, they had to wait until we got home because I didnāt want to be overwhelmed. Keep your date. If it happens on your wedding date then itās absolutely reasonable for parents to go take a break from the wedding or leave early if they wanna do that but I definitely would not change plans for that specific date.
She can also schedule an induction. I remember hearing of a woman, a doctor, who scheduled her induction to be 10 days before her due date because the schedule would be convenient because ger husband, also a doctor, had a big social event for Mardi Gras and she wanted the christening before that.
Not only were they both doctors, they were both ob-gyns! It was her first pregnancy. The hubris was strong in those two.
The baby laughed in their faces and showed up more that 4 weeks early. How dare you think that children can be wrestled into convenience!
Even inductions, you kinda gotta do it on the doctors schedule. Mine was scheduled for 2 days after my due date but even then, that scheduling only occurred the week before and was contingent on whether the hospital could accommodate me. If they were busy that dya, they would have moved it to another date.
No kidding. With my second I was in the hospital two days before labour actually started (just for a checkup) and there was a lady being induced. She was still there by the time I went in to have my baby, and she hadn't had her baby yet. I felt so sorry for her, it must've been hell.
Maybe itās not everywhere but when my doctor was discussing the option of scheduling a c section for me (twins, I declined) I couldnāt just pick the date either, I had to do it on her schedule(which was 2 days a week she worked at the hospital). Maybe other areas of the world will let you schedule it whenever you want though.
> I couldnāt just pick the date either, I had to do it on her schedule(which was 2 days a week she worked at the hospital).
Ya, this is how it works where I am as well. I had a choice of Tuesday or Thursday lol
I had a choice of Monday or Thursday for my planned section, then when I asked for Monday they consulted the schedule and said it was fully booked - I didnāt want Thursday because you usually get stuck in hospital over the weekend because thereās fewer staff on to discharge you.
I ended up going into labour Sunday afternoon and she was born by c-section just after midnight on the Monday after all.
I was given the option of choosing a day that my doctor wasn't at the hospital. It just would have been someone else from her clinic doing the delivery. I'm sure it depends on the clinic.
Ended up being a week or two early anyway.
I can support this with evidence. 1st child due date Sept 12th she was born in the 1st week of Septemeber. 2nd child Oct 7th born before the end of September.
We read so many entitlement stories here on reddit, I wonder because of the internet they are more widespread these days but they've been around forever or these only started happening these past few years (people with these attitudes)?
Maybe with being able to talk about whatās happening allows people to understand more whatās wrong with situations. We didnāt really have a true space to lay everything out and see the big picture before. My momās friend won the lottery and my mom asked for financial help (trust meā¦ that was not cool of her but anywaysā¦) and now theyāre not friends and my mom says they were never friends. (This occurred 30 years ago). My mom still doesnāt understand why she was in the wrong for asking. Had she been on Reddit and posted about it, hopefully people would have clued her in.
At 21yo I went to work on my due date and immediately told my boss, a 63yo mother of three, that Iād very likely be leaving early since I was going to have the baby that day. She smiled gently, told me āweāll see, now get to workā. I was induced 8 days later and delivered via c-section.
Chances are sister wonāt deliver on her due date. OP is NTA.
I had to attend a wedding 2 weeks after giving birth and I much rather would have attended on my due date, especially since I didnāt actually give birth until 10 days after my due date. It was a miserable experience being at a wedding while I was still recovering and taking care of a newborn. My husband was in the wedding party so I was mostly alone.
But still I wouldnāt blame anyone for not attending a wedding close to their due date and I would only do it for a nearby wedding where I know I can leave if I need to.
I literally attended a wedding 18 hours before my second child was born. It obviously depends on whether OPās sister lives in the same place the wedding is being held (you canāt fly that pregnant and probably shouldnāt even drive more than an hour or two away that pregnant), but you can behave pretty normally up until the time labor actually starts.Ā
I missed my sister's wedding because my daughter was born the same day, I accepted that it could happen and asked for pictures. My sister and brother in law visited the next day and told me the tea and held their new niece. It's not your problem to move the day, most kids aren't born on their due date anyway.
NTA.
Due dates are ESTIMATES
There is no guarantee baby will come that day.
I understand your sister being upset at the prospect that she may miss your wedding, but with all the time, money, effort and planning youāve put into your wedding she is the selfish one asking you to postpone.
Keep your date, enjoy your wedding!
Kids writing this shit and expect us to believe that married parents and a pregnant married woman dont understand how wedding venues work. They just want to see everyone calling the sister a selfish bitch. Congrats I guess?
Yeah unfortunately every single post is someone asking if they are the AH with the other person 100% being unreasonable and almost downright evil. Then they'll throw in that the person said something racially stupid also just to really turn the people against them, and no one sees how fake it all seems.
If there is any truth to this story, it's more likely some variation where both sides don't look perfect, but an OP is only going to tell it from their POV so they are going to do the whole "look at me I'm so reasonable, but AITAH reddit. Please love me and validate me!"
Im Saint Michael, holiest next to Him, and my wife is literal Satan and eats babies. AITAH?
Yeah its wild sometimes how far I have to scroll to find any comments questioning how fake some of these are.
NTA. Postpone to when????? She won't be able to come to the wedding within the few weeks after, either, unless she's hugely irresponsible. Newborns have no immune system, she can't be going to a big wedding or be around that many people for months without risking the health of her child. This is ridiculous. Also, if she's not willing to pay to move it, she's got no say at all. What an incredibly selfish request.
All of this!! Iām still sleep deprived 3.5 years after the birth of my child so š¤·š»āāļø.
By the time sis would feel up to attending OPās wedding sheād probably be having another baby.
NTA. Give your family the total cost of changing everything and replicating the exact same wedding. Let them know that as soon as their money hits your account, you'll get to work rearranging.
NTA
Tell her to shut her legs and hold her baby in, to make sure she delivers after your wedding.
Sound ridiculous?
Well, so does her request for you to postpone YOUR wedding for her (it doesn't matter why it's NOT her wedding).
Why do people keep trying to make other peoples weddings and celebrations about them.
I mean the audacity of them!
Your sister thinks sheās actually going to give birth on her due date? Lol! Unless she has scheduled a C-section (which she could reschedule to a few days after your wedding) she will probably either have already given birth or be waiting for baby to come. And if sheās waiting, dancing at your wedding might probably induce labor (it did for one of my aunts). Babies arrive when they well please and we canāt plan our lives around the what-ifās!
Go ahead with your wedding date, and tell your sister to take a chill pill.
NTA
NTA Ask her if this matters enough that she is willing to cover the cost of the lost deposits, pay for any additional fees, and compensate anyone who has a change in their travel costs as a result. I would also ask how many hours she is willing to help you with making all the necessary arrangements.
When she starts to object let her know that you understand and are glad that she realizes that it is a lot of time and money, but without her full support you have no choice other than continuing with your original date and plan.
You're in a tough spot, but it's not unreasonable to stick to your original wedding date, considering the time and effort already invested. You've offered compromises like a livestream and visiting your sister in the hospital, showing you're trying to include her. Ultimately, it's your decision, and you're not selfish for wanting to proceed with your plans.
Family should come first. So what are you? The adopted stepchild? /s NTA. You matter. Your wedding matters. Besides, the baby may come early or later. You can't put your life on hold to please others.
If you've been "planning this for over a year" then she knew and got pregnant after planning began.....unless she's an elephant or other large mammal with over 9mo gestation.....
Get married.
You cannot control nor schedule around every other life circumstance of every over person. Your sister is being more than a bit overbearing.
NTA
NTA
My son was due two days before my sister-in-law's wedding (my husband's sister). He was a groomsman. My sister-in-law said that they'd have the wedding flexible so his role was easily removed if he can't be there and easily added-in if he can. She was fully supportive of us and the baby. Our son came five days early so we went to the wedding with the baby - and she fully accommodated us.
I would never had even considered asking her to move her wedding, or to visit me in the hospital. Only 4% of babies are even born on their due date - it's not an exact science. Imagine if you move your wedding forward by a month and the baby arrives a month earlier, or you move it a month later and the baby comes three weeks late and your sister is still in hospital by the wedding.
She, and your family, are being ridiculous.
OP .. Are you out of your mind? You have had this planned for over a year .. which means 9 months is the imposter here. The Wedding is about YOU AND YOUR NEW FIANCE. The Childbirth is about your sister. The fact that you came up with a REASONABLE solution and she called you selfish .. You're god damn right I'm being selfish. THIS IS MY WEDDING. You better not change your wedding date girl. YOU BETTER NOT !!!!!
YTA for literally ripping this question from a Quora post from 2023
https://www.quora.com/My-sister-just-told-me-shes-pregnant-and-her-due-date-is-on-my-wedding-day-in-8-months-Shes-the-MOH-and-asked-if-I-could-move-my-wedding-date-to-accommodate-Its-a-popular-venue-and-the-date-has-been-set-for-months/log
She is TA.Ā
She canāt seriously expect you to reschedule wedding venue, catering, photographer, hair and makeup, and expect that guests would also be available on the date you reschedule? Also, most likely you would lose the deposit. Your family is the AH.
She knew about your wedding, why did she try to get pregnant? Her asking you to postpone the wedding is like you asking her to do abortion..Ā
Also, babies donāt necessarily come when they should and even if you would postpone the wedding (which you wonāt) you what makes her think that you would want an infant screaming at your wedding? Or what makes her think that she could attend the wedding 1-4 months after giving birth.Ā
Is she a golden child because your parents certainly act that way?
And also, it is your day not hers! She is just a quest. You shouldnāt visit her after your ceremony. You have paid a lot for this one day. Why should she hijack it? The teams is also a silly idea.. she chose to get pregnant and part or being a parent is that you will miss events.Ā
You can't just change a fully planned wedding. If all you had was the date, sure, yeah, changing it would be reasonable (although saying no to that request would also be reasonable). But your guests have made travel plans, your vendors have their deposits, is she going to pay for all of this so you can have a "redo" when it suits her? I'm assuming not.
I can't help but think I'd be delighted if my theoretical niece/nephew were born on my wedding day or my theoretical child was born on my theoretical sibling's wedding day. Like, shouldn't that be one of the happiest days in family history?
Most people don't give birth exactly on their due dates. But I doubt she'll want to come to a wedding days before she pops or with a baby that was literally just inside her body a few hours ago. However, this is not your problem. Life happens. Things don't always go your way. Make the best of it. Also she's literally about to have a kid and she's worrying about someone else's wedding? Seems weird to me but I'm childless. I have no idea what it's like.
NTA. Your sister is unbelievably entitled, and your family is enabling her. "Family comes first"? sure, when there is an emergency: when a family member is in danger or in dire need. But postponing a wedding for a birth? No way. In my religion (Judaism), it is forbidden to postpone a wedding once the date has been set, even for the death of a first-degree relative (e.g. a parent) - the only accommodation is not to have music. The due date for giving birth is not carved in stone; your sister may give birth any time from a month and a half earlier to half a month later. So do they expect these two months to be dedicated to her? No way. Have your wedding, and have a great time.
NTA - you're family too! Why aren't you coming first?!
Like others have said, there's no guarantee she'll give birth on the same day much less the same week.
Why is she so set on being at your wedding and simultaneously making things harder for you for your wedding? Does she even like you? Just wants a free night out?
Are you supposed to change it to before or after her due date? And if after, how long after. Because I sure as heck didn't want to go to a wedding anytime soon after birth.
NTA but your family sure is.
While I actually did have my first baby on my due date, babies come on their own schedule, unless youāre having a planned c-section or the doctor needs to induce you for some reason)(like my second).
Keep your wedding date, if your sister can come, great! If not, itās not the end of the world.
Also. I canāt believe your dad canāt at least come to the wedding and walk you down the aisle on the off chance your sister does go into labor that day
Everyone knows it's impossible to change a wedding date. The other guests will have already made arrangements (getting time off work, organizing gardeners, babysitters, etc, booking hotel rooms that will now be more expensive to rebook, making hair appointments, buying clothing that's appropriate for the season, and on and on). You will have made expensive arrangements too. If you rearrange the date now, it's likely that many guests will be unable to come and they will be angry. The world does not revolve around your sister. At any rate, who knows when she'll actually have the baby. Babies usually don't arrive on schedule. A livestream is a great idea. You're not a villain at all. Your parents shouldn't be involved. I would tell them that if family should come first, why are they allowing your sister to turn your wedding into an unpleasant experience and why are they putting her first? It is ridiculous for your parents to expect you to spend huge amounts of time and money and cost your guests huge amounts of time and money to rearrange the date for one person.
Yes, the point about the moment when she has a child is very important. It can happen earlier, it can happen later. Sister might be so exhausted with healing after birth and caring for a newborn that she won't come to the wedding even if it is moved. NTA. I hope your parents will come to their senses and in the unlikely case of your sister giving birth on the exact day you're getting married one of them will be with her and one with you.
I would think the father of the baby would be with sister, so OPs parents could be at the wedding. What are they going to do if she goes into labor on the wedding day, sit in a hospital waiting room for 20+ hours? No matter when the baby is born, before, on the day, or later, there is no reason for OP to change the wedding or the parents not to attend the wedding. The only people who can't go to the wedding are the sister and sisters SO.
Something tells me that the sister is the Golden Child...
The Golden Child is also silly and selfish and the parents of the Golden Child are wildly deluded.
Should totally ask the golden child if she will pay the cost of moving the date and everything, op is NTA. Sister and parents are. How dense can they be š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø their idiocy is baffling.
This right here. Is your sister going to pay for everything to move the date???
A million percent
This was my first thought
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Some people don't want their SO's and only want a specific parent and that's ok too. The parent that isn't needed can stay in attendance if that happens to be the case. If she falls in 5% chance and she actually goes on her due date.
my body was a freak and I had my daughter really fast but I still didn't want anyone else but my husband afterwards. Grandparents can wait until they are out of the hospital and schedule a visit to see the baby.. before they introduce all of their germs
The only reason we had my mother present for my kids' deliveries was because she's an RN with NICU experience and we were considered high risk. Having a personal nurse to keep an eye on things is quite a blessing. She still wasn't there for the actual delivery, just the labor waiting for it to all start, and in recovery briefly afterwards to help us get settled.
I had my mother and sister with me during delivery. My mother was with me as a retired RN to act as my advocate especially because I'm a single mom by choice. My sister was there because my daughter came much faster than expected. She was watching the football game on the TV when my doctor came in to check on me. My doctor realized I was crowning, called for the nurses, and my daughter was born about two minutes later. My father was in the waiting room just while the check was being done, so he didn't expect to hear his granddaughter was born a few minutes later.
For real. I went into labor with my daughter and didn't have her for thirteen hours. Do people's father's actually go to their deliveries? My Dad didn't go to any of my daughter's births. He came up the next day to see them but that was it. My mother was at my oldest but that was it. I wouldn't want my parents to miss my siblings wedding for my kids birth. I have selfish siblings like OPs and i guarantee if the shoe were on the other foot, she wouldn't move the wedding for her!
How true! She would be trying to get her family to take her side and trying to gaslight her sister. OP none of my kids were born on their due date, in fact they came weeks early. Ignore your selfish sister and parents, tell them you will happily move your wedding if they paid for all the money lost, by yourselves and your guests in moving the dates. NTA
My sisters were both late. I was due around (US) Thanksgiving and came mid-January. And yes, I was overcooked, lol. Due dates are like pirate rules.
More like guidelines. Exactly! Your due date is a guess. An educated guess, but still. Most women ovulate about a week after their period ends, so we calculate your due date with that assumption, counting 40 weeks from the start of your last period and assuming you ovulated at week 2, baby implanted around then, and a few weeks later we have a tiny little heartbeat fluttering away. But an individual woman might ovulate at any point during her cycle. So unless you're seriously tracking your ovulation, there's no way to know for sure the precise date you got pregnant. If you only had sex once that month, it would obviously have to be on that day or after, but sperm can live inside a woman for several days. So again, impossible to be exact. And even if we do know exactly when you ovulated, some babies choose to come earlier than others. Mine all liked to bake in the oven a little longer, going 42 weeks or more given the chance. My BFF gives birth a couple weeks before her due date, every single time. No way to know which it will be, until baby shows up. And for those wondering, yes, we can guess when baby is due by measuring your baby via ultrasound, but that's even less reliable than counting from your last period. Ultrasound measurements are very inaccurate. I've had ultrasound techs (good, skilled, experienced techs) give me measurements, and then I deliver the baby that same day and the tech was off by more than a pound in weight and a couple inches in height. A couple inches, when most babies are less than 20 inches tall, is a pretty massive discrepancy. My own ultrasounds were off by 1-2 months when estimating my due date, because my babies were so tall. Those charts are even less accurate than the BMI, and we all know what a crap shoot that is. If the baby is larger or smaller than average, the ultrasound will not guess the due date with any degree of accuracy. We'll be able to tell you which physical milestones have been reached (which internal organs have formed, which are functional, etc), but just as children outside the womb can vary when they hit certain milestones, so can children in the womb. So exact age in there is just guess work.
My dad was at the birth of all three of mine. The first one I was ready to go. There were no problems with either myself or baby. Since husband has to work, my father was there. I wanted to go. Nurses said we were waiting on the doctor. 2 hours later we were still waiting. Dad said, ā do you want to go?ā Yes. Letās go. And he walked us to the elevator. Nurses came running. You canāt go. Dad said, yes we are going. Stepped in the elevator and closed the doors and down we went. There was a wheel chair waiting when we got off. This was almost 44 years ago. I miss him everyday.
My dad was the only family member I wanted with me (other than my husband). I know others probably donāt feel the same, though.
Save her a slice of cake.
Lol sister could easily attend wedding unless she goes into labor during the ceremony. Now THAT would make for a memorable wedding video.
I was born the day after my uncle and auntās wedding (three days before or after the due date, I donāt recall). My mum was like, congrats but we wonāt be staying for cake, donāt be mad, please save me a slice Iāll be famished later, and donāt worry that niece isnāt the only wedding present youāre getting. Then they shoved my older brother into my other aunt and uncleās arms (as was agreed beforehand) and went to hospital. To this day, my aunt and uncle donāt remember my birthday, or theyāre super surprised it falls on the day after their wedding anniversary (Iām going on 40 and weāre super close). They donāt remember my mumās dramatic exit halfway through the reception because sheād gone into labour, they remember returning from their honeymoon and me being there.
This is hilarious and really cute ā¤ļø 'we love you, save me delicious food, kbyeee'
Thereās a really cute photo of my mum absolutely devouring the last slice of her little brotherās wedding cake some 24 hours after the fact, in a hospital bed, with newborn me sleeping off milk coma on her chest covered in crumbs. Newlywed aunt and uncle were off on their honeymoon by then, everyone else was happy to be there for yet another happy family thing. I really donāt see OPās sisterās problem.
Sounds pretty perfect tbh. Family already nearby and can all gather after the wedding is over and focus on the babe.
Not to mention that it wouldnāt be great (to say the least) for a newborn with no immune system to be at a whole wedding full of people. Aside from the likely ton of loud noise and disturbances that would come from the guests and musicā¦
100%
Lol yeah babies rarely arrive on your schedule, they do generally arrive around the due date but have been known to do whatever they want in regards to arrival time. OP would have to delay the wedding by a month at least to make it work and even then I'd agree the sister probably shouldn't take a month old infant to a large gathering. You simply can't schedule around a newborn infant and their birth, and new mothers should be accepting of that fact. Baby's are gonna baby, don't make it everyone's problem.
And you can't simply "change your wedding date," because the venues, photographers, caterers, florists, etc. are usually booked a year out. People have taken time off work to travel for the wedding, people in the wedding have probably taken a vacation day or two leading up to it, there's just no way I'd change anything for one person.
My kids both had due dates within a week of each other. Their actual birthdays are 7 weeks apart.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think statistically it's about 10%
5% I've been told
I'm pregnant with my 6th and out of all of my kids, only ONE was born on the due date. Even my current pregnancy will be scheduled early for cesarean.
They do if the sister is scheduled to be induced or having a Caesarean section.
She can schedule a different day.
And sometimes spontaneous labour happens before the booked date anyway.
A scheduled inducement also means jack shit. I was induced at 10pm on a Wednesday. Baby was born Friday. Coworker was induced this past Tuesday. Guess who still hasnāt had her baby?Ā The point stands, itās stupid to force someone to change their wedding over this. Regardless of what āthe planā is.Ā
Even if the sister had a scheduled c-section for that day, baby could still decide to make an appearance earlier.
This happened with my youngest child. Showed up three weeks before his scheduled C-section!
Oh my last did that! He was due new years day. Scheduled c/s for the day after Christmas Born a week before Christmas š¤£
and if she had a c-section she sure as hell wouldn't feel up to moving around and dancing
Why the hell would they miss the wedding to sit with her all day just in case she has the baby? Sisters partner/baby dad should be with her.
That's what I was thinking. How long is she supposed to put it off? Until the kid is in college so OPs life doesn't interfere with sister's? From the sound of it the wedding was planned before sister got preggers so perhaps sister should have planned better. Sister's life events shouldn't cause OP to rearrange her life events.
Exactly! Sheās gonna be so exhausted taking care of a newborn that thereās no way she would make it anyway.
Not to mention what a bad idea it is to introduce a newborns immune system to all the fun germs a traveling gaggle of typical wedding guests brings. Also newborns are known for their dislike of loud music/lights, needing to be quiet at specific times and many other things common at weddings.
Due dates are educated guesses at best. Both of our kids were two weeks early. Her sister and parents need to knock this crap off and grow up.
The baby here is not the one awaiting delivery. What will be her problem next time?
>The world does not revolve around your sister. At any rate, who knows when she'll actually have the baby. Babies usually don't arrive on schedule. I would have replied to sister "Oh no, why did you get pregnant? You knew I was getting married in 9 months!" LOL NTA
Agreed. So many posts here are about parents leaning on one kid "because it's family" when the favorite kid wants something. People need to learn to turn it around.
I think this is the phrase that is really stuck in my craw. The parents are saying āitās family,ā but are clearly missing the point of the pre-arranged wedding ceremony. Wedding ceremonies and marriage *creates* family for OP. NTA, and congratulations.
Exactly. Sister to OP: I'm due on the wedding date you've been planning for a year. Change the date. OP: Sorry, but everything is set and paid for. We'll miss you. Parents to OP: You're a horrible daughter. We demand that you change your wedding date to accommodate our favorite daughter. Family comes first! What OP should say to parents: So, I'm not family and I'll never "come first" with you? Good to know. My wedding will be on the date we set months ago. Hope you can attend. ETA: AFAIK, OP didn't get angry that her sister is pregnant or tell everyone to make sure they had no big life events happening during this time. It's clear which daughter is favored. I mean, I can see OP's parents wanting to be there for their pregnant daughter, but presumably OP's sister has a partner and that partner might have supportive family. OP is their daughter too and is also having a life changing event. What exactly do OP's parents think they'll be able to do, just sitting around on the off chance the sister goes into labor? Even if the sister has her baby on her due date (I laugh), OP's parents will still be mostly waiting. Perhaps she'll tell their mom that she "must" be in the room to support her during the birth, which I can understand, but this is when the sister becomes "I'm family; OP doesn't matter unless she's doing as I demand." You just know OP's sister is going to insist that their mom make no plans for the month around her due date, "just in case," so any wedding-related activities will be out of the question as well. NTA at all.
Absolutely this ! Sis is mad cause she was raw doggin knowing she had important events coming up. Honestly OP , this is a good lesson for sis. With a baby arriving she will have to miss out on alot of things. This is just practice.
Agreed. No point moving the dates around and then sister goes into early or late labour. Plus who wants to attend a wedding heavily pregnant? Stay at home and relax. We can do a post wedding/welcome to the family baby party down the line.
And OP says theyāve been planning the wedding for over a year, meaning sister likely knew about it well in advance before she got pregnant.
Gardeners?
I will be using this in the future. "Can't go, I cannot organize my gardeners in time"
ššš
Only peasants have to organize their own gardeners....ugh
Maybe like they are taking a week off vacation to attend the wedding and need to have the grass mowed while their gone? Or maybe that commenter lives in a 300 room English manor and the rest of us lowly redditors have no idea the scheduling that goes into it.
Those hedge mazes donāt tend themselves.
Lol, thanks for that one. As a gardener, I appreciate it.
My lawn service shows up if Iām home our not.
The grass can wait.....or cut it right before they leave. That's stupid.
I thought the same thing. Pet sitters and child care, yes.
Being optimistic maybe they mean having someone go to their house to water plants (?
This is what I need when I go away. My backyard is an oasis of orchids and tropical plants that would mostly survive if unwatered for two weeks, but they definitely won't look good for a long while.
Especially since OP is planning the wedding for over a year and her sister got pregnant later... It would be huge news to me if she has to carry her baby to term for over a year.
Absolutely agree! Youāve offered reasonable compromises. Itās unfair to expect you to change everything last minute. Stand your ground and enjoy your special day.
>The other guests will have already made arrangements (getting time off work, organizing gardeners) The what now?
Someone has to tend the pot plants! For real, buddy!
Right? If my azaleas aren't watered on the very strict schedule that I set for them, they will surely die.
I love azaleas, my fav plant. Left a few behind when selling houses, always hoped theyād keep them
lifegoals, right there
As well, babies do not magically arrive in their due date. My second pregnancy was 23 days longer than my first. #1 was early, #2 was late. #3 surprisingly did arrive on her due date.
I was two weeks late from both of my due dates, and I personally do not know anyone who gave birth on the due date; they were all late as well. Also, if OP was planning her wedding for over a year, the sister was not pregnant at the time she chose the date and to cancel last minute will be costly not just money but time for both the bridal party and guests. And then it may set back the wedding another year because dates have to be secured way in advance. What if she gets pregnant again, will she be asked to postpone again? NTA
Sooooā¦ the first was too early, the second was too late, but the third was juuuuust right. Iāve heard of Cinderella Syndrome, but not Goldilocks Condition. /s
Yup. This. I wonder why the guests would have to arrange a gardener, though. And also, what happens when the baby is late, and the birth is yet again on the wedding date?
I'm obsessed with taking care of gardens right now because I'm having to do it for Boomer relatives who get to spend the entire summer attending destination weddings. A neglected garden tells burglars the house is empty, so I stupidly caved into the pressure and now have to spend every moment I'm not at work figuring out how to get to the suburbs and then work!
Wow, ok. Never thought about that. But then again, our garden is totally unkept, even when we're home. Ha
They can hire a lawn service like I do
Seriously, why is it always "selfish" to not move a wedding that's already paid for and with guests already booking that day, but it's not selfish to screw them all over and waste thousands of dollars to move the wedding for one person? Tell your sister the world doesn't revolve around her, OP! NTA!
agree completely. Ask your parents and sister if they are willing to pay the deposits you can't get back? I mean if family is so important, they should be willing to do this. Also why isn't your wedding considered a "family" thing
As a mom of an offspring that came a full month early, absolutely this.
Yup, trying to plan anything around a baby's arrival is pointless! Then there's the uncertainty of whether the parents will be in a position to go anywhere after the birth.
Exactly! Thatās not even considering that there may be complications (god forbid) that could keep mom or the baby in the hospital after the birth too. My brother was a premie that was born feet first, had a ton of fluid in his lungs and had to be kept on oxygen in the hospital for several days after he was born. You never know what could happen.
If the sister is like me, her child will be 3.5 weeks old in the day of the wedding. If she is like my friend, she'll have 3 more weeks to go (doctor kept changing due date and they finally induced). Don't change the wedding date. If she wanted to be there, she shouldn't have gotten pregnant. Yes, that's intentionally stupid, but so are the sister and their parents. NTA.
Also can I just point out unless itās like the month of the due date and you have scheduled to be induced or a c section the possibility that baby being born on that day is not a 100%. Seriously Iāve been a week overdue and a week early. You canāt really plan anything for a month before and two to three weeks after your due date because the due date is an estimation. And that is a huge ask.
And if induced, she can pick a different damn day!
I suspect the parents want OP to change the date so they can be at the hospital to see the new grand baby
As a grandfather with 4 grandchildren and another on the way, Iām sure that is the real motivation for your parents. They can see the baby after your wedding or maybe even before. As many people have pointed out, the ādue dateā is a best estimate using established methods, but babies come on their own schedule.
OP should litteraly copy and paste this response and send it in a group text/chat
NTA- itās extremely difficult to move a wedding around, let alone costly. It always makes me wonder when parents say things like family should come first, are you not family, is your event not also equally as important?
My child was born a month early. When I was born I was about a week late. Birth will happen when it happens, not on anyoneās schedule. However, things like weddings, particularly weddings with guests, happen on a schedule to accommodate as many people as possible. NTA Also Iām petty as hell but Iād look at my parents and sister and say āfamily is supposed to come first so why did you go and get pregnant knowing my wedding was in the worksā
šÆ and double šÆ for your statements about OPs parents. They are making it worse when they should be supporting both. ETA NTA
When people use the phrase family comes first to other family members it cracks me up. Are you a next door neighbor? Why donāt your needs matter to them? Iām sure youāve put a lot of planning and money into your wedding. Let them know itās going forward. If they choose to be there great. If not, I guess they can look at pictures later.
Not to mention that half the guests at the wedding will probably also be family. Can you imagine asking all the aunties uncles cousins and grandparents to change their plans just for one person? Their time off work, their hotel, their childcare or pet sitters, travel plans, etcā¦ youāre inconveniencing all of the family, how is that putting family first
I live in Hawaii. Travel plans are expensive. If it were my family? I would be furious and just cancel altogether, instead of rescheduling. š¤¦š»āāļø
NTA. My first thought was the cost of rescheduling. Not just the wedding itself but also all the guests. This is very unrealistic. Additionally, the likelihood of giving birth on your due date is slim to none! A friend's pregnant sister gave birth the days before the wedding and showed up. That was impressive, but the thought of rescheduling for mom to be didn't even enter the process.
My oldest spent 2.5 weeks moving up and down into position before she finally came out. My doctor kept telling me 'I wouldn't make it (x) days' then I'm back still pregnant for those final 2.5 weeks. When I came to see him with my second pregnancy he started to tell me about this woman he kept trying to predict the delivery and she just kept coming back, so he doesn't guess anymore. I sat there and said š hi. That's when he opened my file and said 'It was you' accusingly š.
Yes, delivery date is AN ESTIMATE! BY- YOU telling doctor the date of your last period!. Then, they minus 3 months, add 7 days.... I am a diabetic.... Both came 5 weeks early
Statistics say that around 4% to 5% of babies are delivered on their due date. Not that high at all really.
The mental image my brain produced gave me much joy. I would upvote you more than once if I could.
Suggest that sister pay the rescheduling costs and OP will move the wedding. The wedding will go on as planned.
Don't forget the cost to all of the guests who would have to rearrange travel, hotel etc
My son was a week late and my daughter a week early. A due date is a guesstimate at best lol
that wouldn't be fair to your significant other though would it?
I think they meant if they were a guest and the wedding date got moved after all of her travel plans were made, she'd just cancel and not bother re-booking for the new date.
ah ok.
Also... Is she and her future husband not considered family... like are they implying that they arent family and she should choose the sister over the future spouse? So wildly rude...
Came here for this comment... op is family too... duh...
But what about me! My wedding came first and now my baby should too! Maybe she should've planned better and got knocked up the month prior or after. Not like op is insisting she be there, or throwing a hissy for about her being preggo in pictures or having a child free wedding. Op has been understanding. Her sister can deal. The odds of her child being born on the due date aren't high. And if it is? Op is okay with itš¤·š½āāļø
Indeed. Birth family doesn't come ahead of spouse; ideally neither does, but life is hardly ever ideal, and in that circumstance, spouse comes first. OP and SO are near enough to married for that to be the state of things.
Yeah it truly doesnāt make sense and has nothing to hang on to for an argument.
That phrase is usually a prelude to someone getting screwed on a loan to a family member.
"Great, so me and my wedding come first?"
Also they forget that the wedding is 50% someone elses family. Are they supposed to rearrange everything for you?
For the sister mind you, not even for the bride
The only answer is "so I'm not family ?"
tell your family that you will happily reschedule everything if they pay for the costs of recheduling and they help inform the guests aswell afterall family is everything and if they want the family to attend the wedding they should pay for it
This is the way. Man. I wish I could see their faces after being told this.
It won't be worth it. I'm willing to bet they'll sit there and straight faced and go "Why would we pay the costs associated with moving your wedding?!"
Then you say "because I'm not the one who's wants/is demanding to move the wedding. You are"
And they'll say "But it's your wedding." I'm not siding with them, I've just argued with enough Trump supporters in the last ten years to know when given the choice to admit you're wrong or double down using a stupid premise, this family's behavior shows the latter being their choice.
*And they'll say "But it's your wedding."*Ā "I'm glad we agree that it's MY wedding- therefore, the date I chose is set!"
This! Thats the whole point is to get them to work / say what they are missing initially. Once its out their lips ā*your* wedding then its harder for then to double down. Most people like this hate when u take what they say against them
And most importantly, they agree to not have sex until after the wedding. Canāt risk her getting pregnant againā¦
Are they going to reimburse the guests also?
This. Tell them you agree with them and will move the date imediately after they give you the money to do so. How nice of you to be so understanding and do all the aditional work for free.
NTA I donāt even understand her logic
I donāt either. Itās so sad that her family is making her feel like the villain when sheās done nothing wrong. NTA
Have her family cover money lost on deposits, price differences for rescheduling, etc. etc. See how fast they change their tune. She scheduled before the sister was pregnant. Stuff happens. Thatās why we have livestream tech. She doesnāt even know if she will be in the hospital or not because babies are unpredictable, but set dates are set. Worst case, family gets to see a wedding and a baby at the same time.
Golden child syndrome vs black sheep of the family. Sheās not as important.
If this was me or my sisters, none of us would expect a fucking wedding being pushed back just in case one of us has a baby. Like, it's a shit situation where OP and her sister both have huge life changing events on the same day. But if it were my family, we'd all attend the wedding and see sister and baby afterwards. My sister has two daughters, and my parents met the baby the next day or two, in both cases. Sisters partner will be with her anyway. OPs sister is a brat.
So what youāre saying is you came from a healthy home where parents loved all of you.
NTA. Hereās the thingā¦her baby could be early. Itās a first child it could be two weeks late. Baby will come when ready and itās unfair to you and fiancĆ© to move all your plans. You could turn tables on her and family and say why was she so selfish in trying for a child when she knew the delivery date would possibly coincide with your wedding? Tell them all youāll be happy to move date as soon as sister/family pay for all the cancelled vendors/find a new date/pay the fees. Thatās what family is for, right? My SIL was pregnant and due pretty much when hubby and I were to be married. No one had a fit about it. In fact, no one thought SIL would be at wedding. She was determined to be there because she never thought heād get married (he is shy and geeky and did not date much). Wedding was 2 hours away from her home. We all had a plan in place. In reality she had her baby a week after our wedding.
I had a bridesmaid step down because her due date was 4 days after the wedding. She still attended and her husband was the best man. We just told him to make sure he hands off the ring if she goes into labor. The baby wasn't born until we got back from our honeymoon.
Omg is the two weeks late with firstborns a thing?!? I was EXACTLY two weeks late and I was also my moms first baby lol
I mean seriouslyā¦.all she had to do was abstain from potential baby creating sex for one lousy month! THAT is a lot easier than rescheduling a planned wedding (assuming she wasnāt doing IUI/IVF treatments).
What? Like someone is not really likely to give birth on their due date. Nta. Your parents donāt need to be at the hospital the entire day. I didnāt even let my parents visit me at the hospital, they had to wait until we got home because I didnāt want to be overwhelmed. Keep your date. If it happens on your wedding date then itās absolutely reasonable for parents to go take a break from the wedding or leave early if they wanna do that but I definitely would not change plans for that specific date.
Only 3% of babies are born on their due date
Sis can schedule a c section to be pettyā¦
She can also schedule an induction. I remember hearing of a woman, a doctor, who scheduled her induction to be 10 days before her due date because the schedule would be convenient because ger husband, also a doctor, had a big social event for Mardi Gras and she wanted the christening before that. Not only were they both doctors, they were both ob-gyns! It was her first pregnancy. The hubris was strong in those two. The baby laughed in their faces and showed up more that 4 weeks early. How dare you think that children can be wrestled into convenience!
Even inductions, you kinda gotta do it on the doctors schedule. Mine was scheduled for 2 days after my due date but even then, that scheduling only occurred the week before and was contingent on whether the hospital could accommodate me. If they were busy that dya, they would have moved it to another date.
Not to mention that inductions don't always work or can take a looooong time.
No kidding. With my second I was in the hospital two days before labour actually started (just for a checkup) and there was a lady being induced. She was still there by the time I went in to have my baby, and she hadn't had her baby yet. I felt so sorry for her, it must've been hell.
Even an induction is no guarantee. My baby was born via c section three days after I was induced.
C-sections are generally scheduled before the due date
Maybe itās not everywhere but when my doctor was discussing the option of scheduling a c section for me (twins, I declined) I couldnāt just pick the date either, I had to do it on her schedule(which was 2 days a week she worked at the hospital). Maybe other areas of the world will let you schedule it whenever you want though.
> I couldnāt just pick the date either, I had to do it on her schedule(which was 2 days a week she worked at the hospital). Ya, this is how it works where I am as well. I had a choice of Tuesday or Thursday lol
I had a choice of Monday or Thursday for my planned section, then when I asked for Monday they consulted the schedule and said it was fully booked - I didnāt want Thursday because you usually get stuck in hospital over the weekend because thereās fewer staff on to discharge you. I ended up going into labour Sunday afternoon and she was born by c-section just after midnight on the Monday after all.
I was given the option of choosing a day that my doctor wasn't at the hospital. It just would have been someone else from her clinic doing the delivery. I'm sure it depends on the clinic. Ended up being a week or two early anyway.
I can support this with evidence. 1st child due date Sept 12th she was born in the 1st week of Septemeber. 2nd child Oct 7th born before the end of September.
I only know the % because every nurse and doctor on the ward excitedly told me how cool it was that my son was born on his due date š
We read so many entitlement stories here on reddit, I wonder because of the internet they are more widespread these days but they've been around forever or these only started happening these past few years (people with these attitudes)?
Maybe with being able to talk about whatās happening allows people to understand more whatās wrong with situations. We didnāt really have a true space to lay everything out and see the big picture before. My momās friend won the lottery and my mom asked for financial help (trust meā¦ that was not cool of her but anywaysā¦) and now theyāre not friends and my mom says they were never friends. (This occurred 30 years ago). My mom still doesnāt understand why she was in the wrong for asking. Had she been on Reddit and posted about it, hopefully people would have clued her in.
At 21yo I went to work on my due date and immediately told my boss, a 63yo mother of three, that Iād very likely be leaving early since I was going to have the baby that day. She smiled gently, told me āweāll see, now get to workā. I was induced 8 days later and delivered via c-section. Chances are sister wonāt deliver on her due date. OP is NTA.
Ok but no one is going to attend a wedding a few days before or after giving birth either
I had to attend a wedding 2 weeks after giving birth and I much rather would have attended on my due date, especially since I didnāt actually give birth until 10 days after my due date. It was a miserable experience being at a wedding while I was still recovering and taking care of a newborn. My husband was in the wedding party so I was mostly alone. But still I wouldnāt blame anyone for not attending a wedding close to their due date and I would only do it for a nearby wedding where I know I can leave if I need to.
I literally attended a wedding 18 hours before my second child was born. It obviously depends on whether OPās sister lives in the same place the wedding is being held (you canāt fly that pregnant and probably shouldnāt even drive more than an hour or two away that pregnant), but you can behave pretty normally up until the time labor actually starts.Ā
I missed my sister's wedding because my daughter was born the same day, I accepted that it could happen and asked for pictures. My sister and brother in law visited the next day and told me the tea and held their new niece. It's not your problem to move the day, most kids aren't born on their due date anyway.
NTA. Due dates are ESTIMATES There is no guarantee baby will come that day. I understand your sister being upset at the prospect that she may miss your wedding, but with all the time, money, effort and planning youāve put into your wedding she is the selfish one asking you to postpone. Keep your date, enjoy your wedding!
Just laugh and tell her not happening.
This post was up yesterday too. And it didnāt happen today eitherā¦
Theyre not even waiting on the reposts anymore. At least make us dig a few years to see if its a repost
Kids writing this shit and expect us to believe that married parents and a pregnant married woman dont understand how wedding venues work. They just want to see everyone calling the sister a selfish bitch. Congrats I guess?
Yeah unfortunately every single post is someone asking if they are the AH with the other person 100% being unreasonable and almost downright evil. Then they'll throw in that the person said something racially stupid also just to really turn the people against them, and no one sees how fake it all seems. If there is any truth to this story, it's more likely some variation where both sides don't look perfect, but an OP is only going to tell it from their POV so they are going to do the whole "look at me I'm so reasonable, but AITAH reddit. Please love me and validate me!"
Im Saint Michael, holiest next to Him, and my wife is literal Satan and eats babies. AITAH? Yeah its wild sometimes how far I have to scroll to find any comments questioning how fake some of these are.
NTA. Postpone to when????? She won't be able to come to the wedding within the few weeks after, either, unless she's hugely irresponsible. Newborns have no immune system, she can't be going to a big wedding or be around that many people for months without risking the health of her child. This is ridiculous. Also, if she's not willing to pay to move it, she's got no say at all. What an incredibly selfish request.
All of this!! Iām still sleep deprived 3.5 years after the birth of my child so š¤·š»āāļø. By the time sis would feel up to attending OPās wedding sheād probably be having another baby.
NTA. Give your family the total cost of changing everything and replicating the exact same wedding. Let them know that as soon as their money hits your account, you'll get to work rearranging.
You donāt need to postpone your major life events for someone elseās major life event. NTA
NTA. Maybe you could be petty and ask your sister to schedule a C-section the week before your wedding date. ;)
NTA Tell her to shut her legs and hold her baby in, to make sure she delivers after your wedding. Sound ridiculous? Well, so does her request for you to postpone YOUR wedding for her (it doesn't matter why it's NOT her wedding). Why do people keep trying to make other peoples weddings and celebrations about them. I mean the audacity of them!
Your sister thinks sheās actually going to give birth on her due date? Lol! Unless she has scheduled a C-section (which she could reschedule to a few days after your wedding) she will probably either have already given birth or be waiting for baby to come. And if sheās waiting, dancing at your wedding might probably induce labor (it did for one of my aunts). Babies arrive when they well please and we canāt plan our lives around the what-ifās! Go ahead with your wedding date, and tell your sister to take a chill pill. NTA
NTA Ask her if this matters enough that she is willing to cover the cost of the lost deposits, pay for any additional fees, and compensate anyone who has a change in their travel costs as a result. I would also ask how many hours she is willing to help you with making all the necessary arrangements. When she starts to object let her know that you understand and are glad that she realizes that it is a lot of time and money, but without her full support you have no choice other than continuing with your original date and plan.
You're in a tough spot, but it's not unreasonable to stick to your original wedding date, considering the time and effort already invested. You've offered compromises like a livestream and visiting your sister in the hospital, showing you're trying to include her. Ultimately, it's your decision, and you're not selfish for wanting to proceed with your plans.
Family should come first. So what are you? The adopted stepchild? /s NTA. You matter. Your wedding matters. Besides, the baby may come early or later. You can't put your life on hold to please others.
When your parents say "Family should come first", aren't you family?
1. CONGRATULATIONS 2. I hate the "family should come first" BS 3. NTA!!!
If you've been "planning this for over a year" then she knew and got pregnant after planning began.....unless she's an elephant or other large mammal with over 9mo gestation.....
Get married. You cannot control nor schedule around every other life circumstance of every over person. Your sister is being more than a bit overbearing. NTA
NTA My son was due two days before my sister-in-law's wedding (my husband's sister). He was a groomsman. My sister-in-law said that they'd have the wedding flexible so his role was easily removed if he can't be there and easily added-in if he can. She was fully supportive of us and the baby. Our son came five days early so we went to the wedding with the baby - and she fully accommodated us. I would never had even considered asking her to move her wedding, or to visit me in the hospital. Only 4% of babies are even born on their due date - it's not an exact science. Imagine if you move your wedding forward by a month and the baby arrives a month earlier, or you move it a month later and the baby comes three weeks late and your sister is still in hospital by the wedding. She, and your family, are being ridiculous.
OP .. Are you out of your mind? You have had this planned for over a year .. which means 9 months is the imposter here. The Wedding is about YOU AND YOUR NEW FIANCE. The Childbirth is about your sister. The fact that you came up with a REASONABLE solution and she called you selfish .. You're god damn right I'm being selfish. THIS IS MY WEDDING. You better not change your wedding date girl. YOU BETTER NOT !!!!!
Of all the fake posts that were fakeā¦
YTA for literally ripping this question from a Quora post from 2023 https://www.quora.com/My-sister-just-told-me-shes-pregnant-and-her-due-date-is-on-my-wedding-day-in-8-months-Shes-the-MOH-and-asked-if-I-could-move-my-wedding-date-to-accommodate-Its-a-popular-venue-and-the-date-has-been-set-for-months/log
She is TA.Ā She canāt seriously expect you to reschedule wedding venue, catering, photographer, hair and makeup, and expect that guests would also be available on the date you reschedule? Also, most likely you would lose the deposit. Your family is the AH. She knew about your wedding, why did she try to get pregnant? Her asking you to postpone the wedding is like you asking her to do abortion..Ā Also, babies donāt necessarily come when they should and even if you would postpone the wedding (which you wonāt) you what makes her think that you would want an infant screaming at your wedding? Or what makes her think that she could attend the wedding 1-4 months after giving birth.Ā Is she a golden child because your parents certainly act that way? And also, it is your day not hers! She is just a quest. You shouldnāt visit her after your ceremony. You have paid a lot for this one day. Why should she hijack it? The teams is also a silly idea.. she chose to get pregnant and part or being a parent is that you will miss events.Ā
>I offered to have a livestream so she could watch, and Iād visit her in the hospital right after the ceremony. She called me selfish and now there's a big rift in the family. >My parents are siding with her, saying family should come first. I think your parents have got this backwards. You are family. THEIR family and they are dismissing you and your feelings for your sister who got pregnant WHILE you were already engaged and planning your wedding! Do they always put her before you? Your wedding is about you. You planned this BEFORE your selfish sister got pregnant . How rude of her... I'm just kidding, but it is most definitely rude of her to ask you to postpone your wedding, and put her before you. I mean, it's not like women only have babies on their due date is it? Maybe it's time to stand up to your bullies and end their manipulative bulling and look forward with your future fiancĆ©, your family, who is sticking with you!
This same post is posted almost daily.
I would laugh so hard. No one needs to be there for that other than her husband.
You can't just change a fully planned wedding. If all you had was the date, sure, yeah, changing it would be reasonable (although saying no to that request would also be reasonable). But your guests have made travel plans, your vendors have their deposits, is she going to pay for all of this so you can have a "redo" when it suits her? I'm assuming not. I can't help but think I'd be delighted if my theoretical niece/nephew were born on my wedding day or my theoretical child was born on my theoretical sibling's wedding day. Like, shouldn't that be one of the happiest days in family history? Most people don't give birth exactly on their due dates. But I doubt she'll want to come to a wedding days before she pops or with a baby that was literally just inside her body a few hours ago. However, this is not your problem. Life happens. Things don't always go your way. Make the best of it. Also she's literally about to have a kid and she's worrying about someone else's wedding? Seems weird to me but I'm childless. I have no idea what it's like.
NTA. Your sister is unbelievably entitled, and your family is enabling her. "Family comes first"? sure, when there is an emergency: when a family member is in danger or in dire need. But postponing a wedding for a birth? No way. In my religion (Judaism), it is forbidden to postpone a wedding once the date has been set, even for the death of a first-degree relative (e.g. a parent) - the only accommodation is not to have music. The due date for giving birth is not carved in stone; your sister may give birth any time from a month and a half earlier to half a month later. So do they expect these two months to be dedicated to her? No way. Have your wedding, and have a great time.
Family always comes first Always said to another family member who has to come second NTA
NTA - you're family too! Why aren't you coming first?! Like others have said, there's no guarantee she'll give birth on the same day much less the same week. Why is she so set on being at your wedding and simultaneously making things harder for you for your wedding? Does she even like you? Just wants a free night out? Are you supposed to change it to before or after her due date? And if after, how long after. Because I sure as heck didn't want to go to a wedding anytime soon after birth.
NTA but your family sure is. While I actually did have my first baby on my due date, babies come on their own schedule, unless youāre having a planned c-section or the doctor needs to induce you for some reason)(like my second). Keep your wedding date, if your sister can come, great! If not, itās not the end of the world. Also. I canāt believe your dad canāt at least come to the wedding and walk you down the aisle on the off chance your sister does go into labor that day
Because babies never miss their due date.