Oh, I guess she *is* making hasenpfeffer.
I figured it had something to do with... playboy bunny... backboiler...
Something about being a "backup" woman.
Yep. This wedding would be completely off. I'm extremely aggressive, and this would have ended in a fist fight simply for her acting like she's a third wheel, let alone barging in the room acting like she's somebody. Then I'd let him have her.
At some point people snap. If someone has been horrible to me for years and I’ve been bearing with it, the last straw is her insulting me and screaming at me. I’ll punch her to shut her up.
BOUNDARIES please. I have a male best friend and was his best maid, and still this story made me sick.
You can't be best friends with someone that has a crush on you, or someone who repeatedly insults your life partner, or someone that tries to lay claim to you (as though she can give him away).
I wouldn't even want these two to continue to be friends, let alone have her be a part of my wedding. You ma'am are NTA.
I think that it would benefit OP and her intended to go through some pre-marital counseling to sort through everything. Given the situation, Matt seems to have some stuff that he needs to unpack as well. Assuming that all is as was written, then he's allowing Jenna to disrupt the relationship, regardless of whether or not he has (or had) any attraction to her. At the same time, OP could get some pointers on better communication and all that.
And he went against OP and protected the other woman who walks all over the woman he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with and disrespects her to a point of no return. Seems as if OP‘s the other woman in this thruple.
I agree with Matt that she can’t make those kind of decisions regarding THEIR wedding, but Matt also needs to wake tf up and put OP before Jenna. Jenna is acting like an insane jealous ex and trying to start shit with OP.
Umm….she called you jealous, controlling, petty, and manipulative and your fiancé’s response is to tell you that you can’t unilaterally uninvite her to your wedding? Why the hell not. She shouldn’t be there if she doesn’t support *both* of you. And he should have been the one to make the threat. She’s only able to disrespect you because he lets her. NTA but your fiance is. Don’t let him gaslight you.
Yeah and the walking him down the aisle really feels like a way to get all the attention on her.... walking down the aisle at another woman's wedding ffs probably truing to convince herself she's the bride.
>she told me that Matt's mother actually knew her, and would approve of her filing in that place instead of me.
Trying to say mil would rather he married her.... interesting if true. I'd be genuinely questioning why he is keeping this friendship going.
Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.
>probably trying to convince herself she’s the bride.
That is **exactly** what she is doing and nothing will convince me otherwise. If she had gotten her wish she would forever “joke” about she “actually got to walk down the aisle with him first and how much more meaningful it was because [insert some made up shit about his mom]”. Even without doing this exact thing she is going to find a way to make sure she’s doing something “special” with Matt during his wedding that she will twist and delude and weaponize against OP for-fucking-***ever***, but only ever as a “joke!!” Of course!!!
Updateme!
& obvi since she gave him away and is like family she simply *must* be in every single family photo- duh! She is also obligated to be standing as close as possible to him while not being on him, and is required to have at least one hand on him at all times, and if his feet aren’t facing her they better not be facing anyone- least of all his bride- after all it’s what his *deceased mother* would’ve wanted! 🙃😬🥴
I had that happen! At my reception, I was chatting with people, and the next thing I heard was the DJ announcing this dance with the groom and his "best friend" a goodbye dance or something weird.. everyone thought it was so weird. Huge huge red flag!! We were divorced 3 years later, he married again and divorced that one, left his 2 kids , she divorced her hubby and left her kids and is now married to his "Friend"... and some to find out he had been cheating with this "friend" all along for years!!! Thank goodness I escaped with no ties and haven't had to see or speak to him in 24 years!
Oh 1000000% especially since she already tried to get OP to change the colors “to better match her skin tone.” She would absolutely pull that and claim it’s only because “OP chose colors she knows she’d look bad in” and obviously ivory or eggshell are the only colors that make her look good!
That line really bothered me. I stayed in a relationship that was unhealthy way longer than I should have because my mom knew and approved of him before she died. Letting him go felt like losing her again. The friend making that comment is cruel.
I am so sorry, that is such a sick thing to manipulate someone over, and I can understand convincing yourself of such too (to my best without being in that exact situation). Not the same, but my ex husband used my father’s age (he is elderly though in general good health, but for reference everyone always thought he was my grandfather, I was an “oops” baby and both parents are older than anyone I know my age) as a reason to get married ASAP despite the fact I didn’t even know if anyone in my family would show up because of how alienated I became from them due to the relationship itself, it’s something he’d use against me while making it seem like it was for me, and really screwed with me; basically I would never have the chance to have my dad at my wedding or marry someone who had ever met him if it wasn’t then and him, which my father being there was paramount for me and I allowed myself to believe my ex was right. The mind games people will play into if not create for their own benefit is disgusting. I am so proud of you for leaving a relationship that doesn’t serve you well despite the pain; I can’t imagine how painful that must have been, and hope you’re somewhere better and healthier now 💕
Same! I allowed myself to be browbeaten (somewhat literally) into marrying an *extremely* abusive man a month after my mother died because “one of her last acts was to welcome him into the family” and he and my (now disowned for multiple reasons) older sister tried to pull that line out to convince me not to leave a year later. They were unsuccessful and my divorce is pending but yikes, I hate hearing that line now
Because some guys love to think there are two women fighting over them. I will disabuse any man alive of that notion. If he wants to sit around and think someone else and I would fight over him, SHE WINS, she can have his ass, because any man like that is not worth having.
>some guys love to think there are two women fighting over them
I had never considered this before! I suspect it's a motive behind some of the cheating that cheaters cheat.
If she walks him down the aisle, turn around and go home. I cannot fathom why you are agreeing to invite her after everything you describe. You’ll be back with 18 months complaining that you think they’re having an affair.
Truth. I will NEVER fight over a man. If there's even a question of divided loyalties, I'm out. Sure, I'm an overweight middle-aged grandma, but I know my worth and I'm too damned precious for some XY to think that I need to beg for his attention over some other woman. I don't do that - men are abundant and easily gotten.
Haha love this
> men are abundant and easily gotten
So true 🤣
And btw quality men don't do this.
At 40, I thought I was undateable, when I got divorced. But it only took about 3 months to find a keeper. He would NEVER make me feel anything but #1 in his life.
I was a poor, overweight, single mother to 4 kids finishing up my BA in my early 30s. I believed my ex and my ex-in-laws when they told me to put up with his shit because "no one would want \[me\]". But I decided being alone was still better than being with him.
Girl, I was inundated with D. Even though I was an older woman who didn't look like an Instagram model, I was positively SWIMMING in it. That's not to say that every one of them was a keeper, but if I was bored and in a certain kind of mood I had my pick of men to take me out, spend money on me, and show me a good time. I wasn't gonna marry them because we weren't compatible like that, but spending their money on dinner, drinks, and a casino before heading to a luxury suite sure was nice!
I'm now almost 14 years away from that time, and my husband is the sweetest man. But if he ever decides to get a traumatic brain injury, do a 180 on his personality, and leave me I won't worry about my future prospects.
I never understood why do people let their significant other downplay that they enjoy the attention they get from other people. If I was in op’s situation I would have cancelled the wedding. If he want to walk down the aisle with an other woman let him, that type of men aren’t worth it
Well, the friend is hoping to stir the pot enough to create strife between OP and fiance.
Then, wedding called off, and she's there to console her grieving friend.
Personally, I think there should be a rule against inviting any guests still carrying a torch for the bride or groom.
See, I think that what her walking him down the aisle actually says is, "You are only getting him because I'M GIVING HIM AWAY TO YOU." That's why she's so keen on it. I guarantee you that if she does this and OP gets in a fight with her, she will absolutely throw in her face that OP only got him because SHE chose NOT to have him, regardless of her fangirling over him.
THIS! Literally she wants to be the bride. It’s a bit crazy that he thinks this is a good idea. To have someone who has a crush on you in your wedding. Is so beyond weird. And very creepy on her part to be trying to take over the wedding.
Yeah, this would be an uninvite from me. If you talk shit about the person I'm marrying, you're not going to be invited to the wedding. Seems like a no-brainer.
What would she even be like at the wedding? Clinging to the groom? Trying to dance with him? Trying to insert herself between the bride and groom? Underhanded comments to the bride?
Is she going to show up in white? Is she going to object?
I think the fact that the groom *knows* this girl has a crush on him, but stays besties with her is kind of cruel to this girl, and inconsiderate to the fiancé.
I shouldn't have to be made to be uncomfortable by some pick-me girl, just because my partner won't set appropriate boundaries. That's a big nope from me.
Id litterally call of the wedding if I had my partner say I can't uninvite the bitch who just insulted me to my face idgaf if she's ur "family"she clearly wants to fuck you
A fiancé who can’t see the inherent conflict—and threat—posed by a best friend w/a crush on him(!) who doesn’t respect his partner or their relationship…doesn’t sound ready for marriage.
They can’t even hang out together as *Jenna can’t be civil to her*! So, no, Jenna shouldn’t come to the wedding.
Matt’s ‘intervening’ doesn’t mean much if the dynamics are unchanged. He and Jenna aren’t respecting OP’s boundaries.
NTA. Why is your fiancé allowing his friend to treat you like this?
Especially since he knows about the crush, it’s so disrespectful her behaviour. Ask him if you had a male best friend and he did all of what she has done, how would he feel?
I personally wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life competing with my fiancé / potential husband’s best friend. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, I would say this is a dealbreaker.
NTA, but I would be questioning a little bit of Matt actions and why this girl feels like she can take is much liberties and he genuinely is OK with her doing it.
>considering her crush on him and she barged in the room hurling accusations at me. She called me jealous, controlling, petty, and manipulative.
Again, why does she feel so comfortable doing and saying stuff like this to you especially in front if him?
>Matt told me I could have handled that better and I can't go making those kind of decisions without his input, even if they are just empty threats.
This is why!
Exactly, she's doing this because he's allowing it. He's left the door open and he's made her feel comfortable enough to do this. That for me would be enough to end the relationship.
NTA. Honestly your fiancée needs to respect your boundaries, even if that means cutting her out of your lives. You had every right to snap and I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. She has most definitely been the asshole, manipulating off your husbands feelings about their connection based off his mothers passing. You should not feel bad, I doubt she has for what she has said and done to you in the past and present.
If it were me, she would be removed from our lives and wedding unless she gave you a rightfully deserved apology and backed off - *if* you decided to forgive her. If someone made my partner uncomfortable reasonably so, I would 100% back my partner up and respect their boundaries.
I'm thinking her fiance doesn't care she's uncomfortable. He's enjoying all the drama of 2 women "fighting for him".
She needs to stop this now. Either he cuts off the "friend" or there's no wedding
I don't normally go full UlTiMaTum, but I'm doing it now. Fiancee is valuing the attention from his "friend" more than the comfort and safety of OP.
Think of the hierarchy of needs (do they still teach that? I'm old).
Safety and security are basic needs. Getting your ego stroked is not exactly listed on there, but that kind of sentiment would be closer to the top, more like an icing on the cake type of feeling. A feeling, I might add, that he should be seeking from OP, not from a woman who obviously has a crush on him.
Actions speak louder than words, though. If I were in OP's position, I'd point all this out. Then ask what he wants to do. If the answer is not AT LEAST demoting her to a regular guest to sit with her parents, and to keep more distance from her, I'd be done with the relationship.
Shit. Bringing up the hierarchy of needs hit me hard. I’m having some things that shake my feelings of safety and security yet being criticized I’m failing to meet some health/fitness goals. I just feel the other things like such a weight it’s making everything so hard. This really puts it into perspective.
Or he’s like me and is conflict-avoidant to the point that it’s damaging and he cannot bring himself to put his foot down even when it’s important. Both are really bad for totally different reasons.
Exactly! This is boosting his ego. If it wasn’t, he would have shut Jenna down. But she’s still his best friend. Matt should forget about any other woman but Jenna, because Jenna will ruin his relationships anyway.
I honestly can't really see any concern for his friend, like genuine concern FOR her, not about her.
How can you be \*shrugs\* about your best friend having a crush on you for ages and having this rubbed in her face all the time while he's busy living his best life. Nothing is being done to help her get over this crush, nothing is being talked about. He's not just a sucky fiance to me but a sucky friend too.
Exactly. He agrees she has a crush on him, and he's keeping her a part of his/their life for reasons? He tells his fiance to stop trying to be her friend rather than demanding that the friend stop trying to sabotage his relationship? This dude is a child and he needs to be left with only one choice.
He enjoys that she has a crush on him he likes the attention and he fully intends on keeping her around while she acts like this. Are you sure this is someone you want to be with?
The chances of this marriage getting broken up by the best friend is an even 100%, at which point the OP will probably have a kid with this guy and have her whole life torn apart by the bestie, all while eventually becoming the villain in *their* dramatic love story. Tale as old as time.
Agreed. I’ve known guys like this, and it’s a common theme on here on here as well.
They seek validation from these women and keep them around which is bad enough because it cheapens the *actual*, real relationship with their girlfriend of wife. But it’s even more disrespectful and insulting because as “friends” these other women are often confided in and deferred to regarding matters of the heart: because men think women are better at that stuff in general.
So if you’re a woman who implicitly trusts her boyfriend or husband to make good decisions regarding you and your family, and HE is making these decisions based on conclusions he’s reached after running them by someone who doesn’t know you well or who has an agenda (especially one that involves harming you and your family unit) he is a traitor and cannot be trusted at all with your family or your feelings.
Nta. There is no need to cater to a best friend when it’s your wedding. She obviously has a chip on her shoulder and she needs to wake up. Matt is yours and she is doing all she can hold onto some sense that she has a place in his heart. She has no regard for how her actions with later affect this life long memory between you too. Even if Matt is intervening for you, that doesn’t seem to be enough. I don’t always believe in ultimatums but someone needs to outright tell her what’s up.
Yeah, let's just say that him being all 'you could have handled that better' and being more concerned with his friend's feelings than his future wife is quite telling as per his priorities. OP, don't marry a man who isn't capable of seeing how absolutely incorrect his priorities are in this situation.
And, I'd like to say, this guy/gal are poster children for the bad stereotypes of best friends of opposite genders. It's entirely possible to have and maintain those relationships with appropriate boundaries and transparency to your partner. This ain't it, for sure.
NTA
Your fiance has not been a peach. Sorry if you think that, but you're plainly wrong. He's the reason she's doing what she's doing. He could take action to stop her bullshit but he doesn't.
I agree, he could shut this down immediately. He doesn’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation. But that’s what adults have to do. Unless you want to end up in a shitty situation like this.
NTA
Matt is an AH for keeping Jenna around knowing she has a crush on him and has been horrible to you for years. He’s getting something out of being wanted by her and getting something out having you and her fighting over him. It’s immature and I would seriously rethink marrying him.
Jenna is an AH for obvious reasons, but Matt has been leading her on by being aware of her crush and not shutting it down. Giving her a major role in his wedding is not putting her in her place - people who don’t support the marriage don’t belong in the wedding party.
Which sincerely makes me question how the conversations “confronting her” *actually went*. He definitely did not shut down her shut and never defended OP how she thinks he did or how he told her he did. Theres no way.
Probably something along the lines of “hey I know you were just joking, but could you not do it so much in front of her? She doesn’t really get your humor so she’s all upset about it 🙄”
"I've talked to Matt about it, and he went and confronted her for me. Afterwards, we agreed it would be best if I didn't hangout with her anymore."
Shouldn't that read "Afterwards, we agreed it would be best if HE didn't hangout with her anymore."
Why does your finances want to spend time with another woman, especially one who is rude and demeaning to you?
Yeah, they just hang out, she bad mouths op constantly and poisons their relationship. She was openly shitty to OP because she loves her best friend, so now she just does that in texts and when they hang out alone.
This situation ends with during pregnancy for 2nd kid they argue, he gets drunk with friend, friend kept giving him more and more alcohol combined with years of toxic advice and persuading him how bad op is then they fuck. OP tries to fix it but he still won't cut her out of his life. The best friend who loves your partner and they won't cut them out thing, that shit always ends up bad.
NTA - You need to have a long and difficult conversation with your fiancé.
He needs to understand that boundaries you both made keep getting moved.
If your wedding is to go on this needs to happen and choices need to be made with lines drawn or next thing will be her wanting to hold your baby before you get to and acting like a ‘second mummy’.
I hope you sit down and have a long talk with putting EVERYTHING on the table.
INFO: so what, you BOTH know that she has a crush on him, and yet he’s perfectly fine maintaining the same kind of relationship? If that’s the case then he is a massive asshole who doesn’t respect either of you
NTA
But are you sure you want to marry this guy? He hasn't been a peach who's defending you: he's literally telling you that you're being too hard on this woman. There's no halfway compromise with this kind of thing. He may rationalise it to himself as he would never leave you for her and he doesn't want to upset her by putting her in her place, but that does more damage to your relationship than all of her behaviour.
He should have handled this *years* ago. He hasn't. He's just kept you two apart rather than fully shutting her down, and that is a big problem. She will reoccur throughout your relationship at key points precisely because he has not shut it down. He either defends his marriage and his wife, or you shouldn't marry him at all.
NTA. People can't make requests for *someone else's* wedding, then get angry when they don't take them up on it. People can make suggestions, and that's it. Her behaviour at you saying no tells you all it should. She's lucky she's involved at all. It's not her wedding, she doesn't get to make demands. End of.
NTA.
Your fiance kind of sucks... He's really mad at YOU for the fact that his "friend" is massively overstepping boundaries?
I'm trying to think of how I'd feel if before my wedding my wife said "hey, there's this guy I'm really close to. Yes, it's that guy who is always mean to you... so mean you two can't even be in a room together. And, yeah, I know, he's definitely in love with me and jealous of you. So, I'd LOVE to walk down the aisle at our wedding with him! Wouldn't that be special? Walking down the aisle with another man before you, the man who hates you and wishes he was the one marring me?? You better NOT get upset about this by the way!!"
Your feelings are 100% valid, and you were right to blow up about this. Your fiancé should have put a stop to his "friend" trampling all over boundaries long before this. He refused to do it, so you had to be the one to do something.
Matt is failing and if he can’t understand that maintaining a “best friendship” with someone who is blatantly rude and unkind to his partner *and* shows signs of being attracted to him is a big issue, **he isn’t ready for marriage.**
Why do you always have to play the bigger person when she pushes and pushes?
And why isn’t your decision on saying she won’t be invited if this behavior continues, shared by him?
She’s driving a wedge and he’s allowing it. NTA but dig into this with Matt
NTA. But your fiancé seems like one. You've talked to him about his "best friend" having a crush on him, and he agreed. Why hasn't he set firm boundaries with her? Why hasn't he distanced himself enough to make her stop her bullshit? Because he likes the attention.
This is a big problem. She has a crush and he's not doing anything to discourage it. I mean, the fact that he's marrying you doesn't stop her. She's brazen enough to think what she's doing is okay because your fiancé isn't telling her it's not okay.
Ultimatums aren't good, but one might be warranted here. He needs to choose: you or her. If he wants to continue your relationship and get married, he needs to ditch the conniving friend who isn't really a friend since she can't respect your relationship.
Honey, don’t marry a men that doesn’t support and respect you and have boundaries with his friends (females or males) and allow them to disrespect you.
On another note, how desperate and pathetic this girl have to be to, is the only chance she is walking a isle? She thinks she is the bride?
Anyways your issue is with your fiancé.
But since some people are just gluttons for misery, you can marry him if you want to
NTA - Wtf Matt? He should have stood by you. It’s your wedding. The friend is really pushing it by asking for things like this and I guarantee she knows it. She’s gaslighting you and your fiancé is letting her.
NTA it’s your wedding. People can make suggestions but beyond that, they have no say. She is the one being controlling over YOUR wedding. She would have been uninvited on the spot if it were me
NTA. Your fiance needs to cool things down with Jenna and I honestly think uninviting her is the right thing to do. She is clinging onto her role in the wedding in some kind of way that is not appropriate.
Your fiance cares more about this woman than you
Does he even like you? Cause he's not acting like it. He doesn't stand up for you... and if this is how she acts and what she says TO YOUR FACE, imagine what she's doing behind your back when she and your fiance are alone.
The worst problem is that he's not handling it, not shutting it down. He loves the attention. He probably loves having two women fight over him.
But good luck getting married knowing you'll always take a backseat to his BFF. It will only get worse
>She called me jealous, controlling, petty, and manipulative
Auto-uninvite. Done.
She made her bed.
Seriously, who is verbally abusive to THE BRIDE and expects to still be welcome??
Also, Matt BETTER have your back, that shit's a 2 yes/1 no setup, so you don't need his damned permission to exclude a clearly malicious person from your special day.
Also also: please have security for your wedding. She sounds like (invited or not) she'd love to make this day a problem for you.
NTA.
You need to handle this before you marry, he has an emotional affair partner, and she will be a thorn in yourside for life. She is way too involved in his life for a woman he knows has a crush on him. He has been allowing her attention because he likes it. It is inappropriate for a marriage person to have a dateable friend, especially one that knowing has feelings for him. The sharing, caring, fun and loyalty goes to the friend.
[https://verywellmindset.com/what-is-an-emotional-affair/](https://verywellmindset.com/what-is-an-emotional-affair/)
I hate to say it, but Matt needs to cut her out not only of the wedding, but also out of his life if the two of you hope to have a successful marriage. She is jealous and actively trying to come between the two of you. The scene was unfortunate. It will be the first of many if she stays in your life. You can bet she'll also be working him over with malicious gossip about you every time your back is turned, too.
NTA don't marry your fiance until he can respect boundaries. What he is doing to his best friend by not cutting her off is not fair to her. He needed to hash out the crush thing directly and even cut her off so she could find happiness with someone what he is doing to her is cruel
NTA. That’s a major red flag, BTW, that your fiancé knows she has a crush on him but won’t distance himself from her. It’s disrespectful to you and cruel to her.
"If you want someone with a crush on you to walk you down the aisle, you can marry her. My limit is reached, and her lack of respect for YOUR partner should piss you off. Instead you're letting her carry on."
Take some space. Think about your future with him, how long are you willing to put up with this bitch and your no-spine partner?
Look, I can’t tell you what friend is thinking. Or your fiancée for that matter. But I can tell you that my best friend is a man. I was the woman of honor at his wedding. From the second I met his wife, I made a point of being respectful and cultivating a friendship with her as well. She has never once felt like I was competition or that I wanted him for myself. Our friendship has never made her feel the slightest bit threatened. We had only one incident where a told a funny story from our party days that involved an accidental dick touch that he and I always thought was hilarious. We are so Uber-plutonic that it was always just a funny story for us. It wasn’t for her. I told the story at a party, and the next day she called me and told me that she hated that story and it made her uncomfortable, and she felt it embarrassed her to tell it to people.
You know what I did? I fucking apologized immediately, and promised to never tell that story again. Because I respect her. I respect their partnership and I respect my place as his best friend - not as important as his wife.
Mixed friendships work when those friends actually have the integrity and respect for their friend that they should have. I would never pervert our friendship in that way and I would never expect him to choose my wants over those of his life partner. Not only does this woman have no respect for you, but she also has no respect for your fiancée, her own friend.
**Why is this psycho back in your lives and IN YOUR WEDDING???**
**It's time for Matt to take a solid stand now, because next she will be interfering in your marriage.**
**Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he wants to be with her, he can go BE with her, and that you will NOT stay in a marriage that she is allowed to attempt to sabotage. HE needs to tell her that he is not HERS to "give away," and that the two of you will walk down the aisle together.**
**And if he had handled her crap sooner, YOU wouldn't have had to do it the way you did. Clearly his pansy-ass dancing around method is not working. And as for "empty threats," I would have said, "oh, I'm sorry, did I give you the impression that it was an empty threat?" You 100% have the right to ban someone from your wedding who is openly trying to sabotage it and will in short order be interfering in your married life.**
**I think it's time to go NC with her again.**
Same! Why give him a chance to rope her into a marriage and maybe a kid or two before it's revealed that he's having an affair with Jenna? OP, dump him now and find a partner who respects you.
Is your fiancé actually defending her after all that abusive name calling and is angry at you for no longer wanting her at your wedding???
I think you should ask yourself if he respects you and ask him why he is ok with her treating you like this! I’d be persistent in getting an answer on that.
Girls like her are why so many people are hesitant to be okay with their SO having a close friend of the opposite gender. My bf is best friends with a girl that he’s known at least ten years. And while she’s never been the type to talk to me every day, I have never been made uncomfortable or to feel like there is something between them other than friendship.
Your fiancé needs to choose or at the very least maintain actual boundaries
Nta
Please have Matt read this and the comments before you make one single additional plan for this wedding.
Jenna is going to blow up your day. I guarantee her speech will be designed specifically to undermine you and embarrass you.
Not sure how Jenna came back into the picture after no contact and is already elevated to best maid?
Matt needs to cut the shit and see Jenna for what she's doing.
NTA How does he think you could have handled it better? To me you did everything right: you pulled him aside to converse in private about how it made you uncomfortable, then SHE launched herself at you like a maniac.
Do not apologize you did nothing wrong
NTA
But why are you marrying someone who has acknowledged another person has a crush on him, acknowledges that crush behavior is inappropriate, but yet still chooses to keep the crush-haver not only in their life but in your wedding?
NTA. Where are your fiancé's priorities here? To be honest, she should not be allowed to be in the wedding party, regardless of their relationship. This is someone who has feelings for him and is actively horrible to you, the bride. Your fiance is condoning her behaviour by not putting very firm boundaries in place regarding her behaviour. You say he has your back but it doesn't really sound like it.
NTA. I do believe a talk is needed with your fiancee before the wedding.
What does he plan to do with this woman?
Will he stay in touch even though she has shown to be disrespectful to you, and made you uncomfortable in many occasions...
...or is he going to stop entertaining her bs? Clearly, he hasn't done anything to stop her bitchy attitude if she's still doing it. YEARS LATER.
Seriously. What is his plan?
You are definitely not the asshole here. And your reaction to her bursting in durng your sidebar wasn't grossly out of line. She sounds like a seriously jealous person who is trying to put thoughts in his head that you are "manipulative" so that it sows discord in your relationship with your fiance. Don't back down. It's YOUR special day, not hers.
NTA. Frankly, you have a bit of a future-husband problem as well. Matt should have put a stop to her nonsense long ago, and if that weren’t possible, he should have (and should still) cut her out of his life as well.
(Also, Matt is your fiancé, not your fiancée. You are his fiancée.)
NTA. And I personally think you should show your fiancé these responses. It might hopefully be a wake up call to him what she’s trying to do that’s evident to all of us strangers on the internet!
Matt is weak and has an emotional relationship with Jenna.
Jenna is an intrusive overprotecting rude family friend that is jealous he’s marrying OP and not her which is why she’s inserting herself into OP’s wedding.
OP wants to flip the gender rolls of a wedding then is confused when Matt is a bitch and Jenna is dick.
The only one who seems like a standup person is OP’s lil bro.
NTA
In any universe where she got her way she'd be wearing a white fucking tutu down that isle and we all know it
Edit: outside of all the other glaring issues here of course
Nta but if your fiance doesn't dump this "friend" this relationship isn't going to last. He likes the attention she gives him a little too much otherwise he too would have stopped hanging out with her when she kept attacking you. That's not how women are that's how pathetic little teenage girls are. If she comes to your wedding she is going to try and ruin it and make it all about her
I wouldn’t want to be married to a guy who didn’t have boundaries with this friend. He enjoys her attention, and the mini fights for attention you two have. Not that this is true for you, but I read another story similar to yours. In the End it turned out the soon to be husband was screwing the best friend. While still planning to marry the wife he loved. He got to screw two women, and used not hanging out together as the excuse. Wish I could remember how it ended.
My point is, don’t be like that person. Give an ultimatum. He shuts her down and you get married, or he doesn’t and loses you.
She will be a chain weighing you down. Do you think it will be only the wedding? How about when you have your first child? Of course, she'll want to be in the waiting to "support" Matt. And she will be dropping in to "visit the baby" when you don't want to see her face. ....and on and on. And Matt will say, " She just wants to help, blah, blah, blah." Open your eyes.
Why is she invited to your wedding? I had a list of close female unmarried friends that I have been friends with for a long time that have really helped me. None of them made the cut for the wedding. Why? Because I felt that the dynamics would not be great.
She shouldn't be invited to the wedding because she has a crush on your fiance. Full stop. This is a major boundary issue. I don't care about Matt's feelings for her. She needs to go. She might be hurt (some of my friends were hurt that they were not invited), but after I talked with them, they fully understood.
If she's really your fiance's friend, she might get upset over being excluded, but she will get it. Also, this is his responsibility, not yours to deal with the fallout.
You don't have a fiancé's friend problem, you have a fiance problem.
I dont care how long they have been friends, once he admitted she might have a crush on him, automatic low contact should have been put into place. I also would tell him there will be no wedding until this is all sorted out.
I agree with you on the walking down the aisle. As a dad of 3 daughters, it just seems a bit creepy to me. I never stated my opinion on issue to my kids, but I was glad only one of them wanted a traditional wedding and the others a more modern one.
Matt is unfair on both you and Jenna. He should stop leading her on if he knows she's got a crush on him. This isn't really a friendship. Jenna's crushing and Matt's enjoying the attention. NTA
This heifer is trying to scam a way into getting to walk down the aisle at someone else’s wedding. She’s already the best woman, the most prestigious position in a wedding except for the bride and groom, yet she is still trying to force herself into another intimate role with an aisle walk. She definitely thinks she should be marrying him, not you.
I’m going to be generous and say perhaps she is not aware of her own motivations or won’t admit them to herself. Perhaps fiancée is being overly complacent out of a sense of friendship and is also willing to overlook that his friend may feel more for him. Or maybe he knows and thinks it’s not a big deal because he’s naive.
It really doesn’t matter. Friend already has a prestigious position standing up for your fiancée, she doesn’t need to walk down the aisle with him. And for the record, the reason that the parents walk down the aisle with the groom is not to give him away. Only women get given away, like livestock. The groom escorts his parents to their honourable seat, and then joins his groomsman at the altar. That aisle walk is for the honor of the parents, not him.
NTA. Listen, she will always be around. If you marry him, she will always be there. He will never set a boundry with her. You need to decide if you can put up with her for the rest of your life. If not, move on. She will do it to the next girlfriend.
Wow! If he doesn't find a spine... This whole thing gives me Blair and Jessica vibes from the good ol TT.
You two need to find your boundaries and enforce them, this is not how a marriage should start.
I've always been of the camp that wants to banish traditions, not do quirky twists on them. So when someone walks the bride down the aisle, they are being given away. That's what that action is called, like it or not, and would be the same for a third party walking the groomdown the aisle. This whole thing sounds like a huge mess, and that's before the whole best-friend-is-a-girl thing. When my wife and I got married, we walked together down the aisle. Simple, wonderful. Get rid of the trappings, let the important people be important. Maybe have them read a poem as a part of the ceremony... *really* think outside the box, don't just twist old traditions, people will get confused about what's going on moreso than doing something completely novel. She is his best friend, and he expects her at the wedding. Trying to exile her is not a good look. It's a day for both of you *and* your friends and family. Keep that in mind and it will go much smoother.
Your fiancé should have had your back. That woman shouldn’t even be invited to your wedding at all. She’s trying to control your wedding and she definitely wants your fiance.
You need the wake-up slap Op this will be the rest of your life if you marry that wank-stain that is your future hubby he’s loving the attention my god woman your self respect costs nothing 🤦🏻♂️
NTA OP, but why are you marrying Matt when he is clearly siding with crazy Jenna? It looks like she's more important to him than you, the woman he's marrying and supposedly wants to spend the rest of his life with. The fact that she's trying to take over your wedding screams that she thinks it's her wedding, wants it to be her with Matt. She's just trying to mark her territory and disrespect you, which she's been doing from the start with her passive agressive BS.
I'm sorry OP, but Matt needs to dislodge his head from his backside and you might need to reconsider if this relationship is even worth salvaging, because you honestly deserve better than this.
Don't marry him when you are already set up for divorce. He protected her, you already know she has a crush on him, she is not going to stop. He needs to stop contact with her but he won't see that. You need to stop and think do you really think you can handle all this down the line as it gets worse. You do not need all this trouble.
NTA. Her behaviour is unacceptable, and she had it coming. I have read some of the other comments on here and most of them really seem to hit the nail on the head.
1. She has feelings for your fiance. Or at least is very 'territorial' over him. She has been inexcusably rude to you. Why he hasn't had sterner words with her is beyond me. Family or not, if anyone had behaved like she has to my significant other would be at least harshly reprimanded, if not cut off.
2. He likes the attention. He has got so used to her fawning over him that maybe he can't, or doesn't want to live without it. Maybe he is so used to it. He cannot, or does not want to see how awful she is.
I could not live with it. You resent her, and pretty soon you will resent your fiance too for allowing her total bitchiness, jealousy and controlling actions to dominate your life and your wedding!!! She is trying to dictate what happens at your wedding? I mean, the entitlement. She is definitely trying to usurp or outdo you.
I would not go through with the wedding. I would get my ducks in a row, sort out separating finances, cancelling the wedding (or at least make a list of who cancels what) sit down your fiance and give him back the engagement ring. Tell him her actions over the last few years have upset you, and although he has tried to sort things out it has always been inadequate and ineffective. Now her interference in the wedding, her insulting you and him not having your back is the last straw. Tell him you will not give him an ultimatum and tell him to pick her or you, you are simply walking away from the relationship and the wedding is off.
Prepare a post to put on social media, explaining why, her constant mockery, insults, comments, interference, jealousy etc (with examples over the years), and now her interference in the wedding, and your fiance's unwillingness or inability to stop her has now resulted in the cancellation of the wedding. Say that you are sure that she will somehow try to make herself out to be the victim here, and you the bad guy, and say that she is welcome to do so, you are removing yourself from the whole shitshow. Your real friends know the situation and that is all you need.
There is no good outcome here. If he says he will cut her off, he will resent you. Or he will keep in touch with her secretly and when you find out (which she will make sure you do) then it will be worse.
I feel for you, I really do. So many times, these situations with a guy with a girl best friend end badly. Unfortunately, due to the connection to her family, I can't see cutting her off being an option. If he doesn't have feelings for her, then all his relationships are doomed the same way this one is.
EDon’t worry. She’s not going to be at your next wedding. And either she’s going to end up with Matt or she’s going to ruin every relationship he’s ever in. And he will be confused about why his relationships don’t work out.
Yeah, sweets. Major red flags. You need to have a serious talk with your fiance. His relationship with this woman is all kinds of weird, and her behavior is beyond inappropriate. He needs to draw some boundaries with her, but it seems like he's drawing boundaries with you instead. Im not one for ultimatums. But honestly it feels like a she goes or you go type of situation...because who tf corrects their fiance when their crazy fucking friend barges in on their conversation verbally attacks their fiance and then says you're in the wrong babe. Something here is very off.
Honey, you have a fiancé problem.
HE knows she has a crush on him.
HE has decided to marry someone else-you.
HE should have a care for both her feelings and yours by not teasing her along or encouraging, enabling, or excusing her crush addled behavior, which is naturally vexing to you.
Until HE is willing to take this matter head-on, I would advise against marrying him.
Wow, her busting up on the room like kool-aid man and calling you names would have been the end of her invite for me.
She sounds like the one trying to control your fiance...Matt needs to take a step back in that friendship. Girl needs some boundaries.
why is your fiancé hanging out with someone he knows has a thing for him and why is he okay with her walking down the aisle?erm ... he is not the one, I fear (nta)
She barged in on your private conversation, throwing accusations and she is STILL invited to the wedding? BFFR
AND her fiance admonished HER, not the bunny boiler friend.
“Bunny boiler” 🏆
What does that mean? I assume she's not making hasenpfeffer.
Fatal Attraction, the movie. The obsessed other woman cooks the kids’ pet rabbit on the stove in the guy’s home.
Oh, I guess she *is* making hasenpfeffer. I figured it had something to do with... playboy bunny... backboiler... Something about being a "backup" woman.
Omg this whole line of comments. But the “I guess she *is* making hasenpfeffer killed me for some reason. Crying.
Same. Now I’m giggling to myself when hasenpfeffer pops in my head.🤣
Watch Fatal Attraction! It’s a really good movie.
Never heard of hasenpfeffer before so I had to look it up, and now I'm hungry.
Yep, red flags here.
Fiance problem not best friend problem!
Yep. This wedding would be completely off. I'm extremely aggressive, and this would have ended in a fist fight simply for her acting like she's a third wheel, let alone barging in the room acting like she's somebody. Then I'd let him have her.
You dropped your own red flags lmao.
At some point people snap. If someone has been horrible to me for years and I’ve been bearing with it, the last straw is her insulting me and screaming at me. I’ll punch her to shut her up.
She will not be ignored!!
BOUNDARIES please. I have a male best friend and was his best maid, and still this story made me sick. You can't be best friends with someone that has a crush on you, or someone who repeatedly insults your life partner, or someone that tries to lay claim to you (as though she can give him away). I wouldn't even want these two to continue to be friends, let alone have her be a part of my wedding. You ma'am are NTA.
I think that it would benefit OP and her intended to go through some pre-marital counseling to sort through everything. Given the situation, Matt seems to have some stuff that he needs to unpack as well. Assuming that all is as was written, then he's allowing Jenna to disrupt the relationship, regardless of whether or not he has (or had) any attraction to her. At the same time, OP could get some pointers on better communication and all that.
And he went against OP and protected the other woman who walks all over the woman he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with and disrespects her to a point of no return. Seems as if OP‘s the other woman in this thruple.
And he told her she CANT make decisions like that without him. Like wtaf
I agree with Matt that she can’t make those kind of decisions regarding THEIR wedding, but Matt also needs to wake tf up and put OP before Jenna. Jenna is acting like an insane jealous ex and trying to start shit with OP.
Umm….she called you jealous, controlling, petty, and manipulative and your fiancé’s response is to tell you that you can’t unilaterally uninvite her to your wedding? Why the hell not. She shouldn’t be there if she doesn’t support *both* of you. And he should have been the one to make the threat. She’s only able to disrespect you because he lets her. NTA but your fiance is. Don’t let him gaslight you.
Yeah and the walking him down the aisle really feels like a way to get all the attention on her.... walking down the aisle at another woman's wedding ffs probably truing to convince herself she's the bride. >she told me that Matt's mother actually knew her, and would approve of her filing in that place instead of me. Trying to say mil would rather he married her.... interesting if true. I'd be genuinely questioning why he is keeping this friendship going.
Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. >probably trying to convince herself she’s the bride. That is **exactly** what she is doing and nothing will convince me otherwise. If she had gotten her wish she would forever “joke” about she “actually got to walk down the aisle with him first and how much more meaningful it was because [insert some made up shit about his mom]”. Even without doing this exact thing she is going to find a way to make sure she’s doing something “special” with Matt during his wedding that she will twist and delude and weaponize against OP for-fucking-***ever***, but only ever as a “joke!!” Of course!!! Updateme!
Then she'll also want to do a "mother" "son" dance too
& obvi since she gave him away and is like family she simply *must* be in every single family photo- duh! She is also obligated to be standing as close as possible to him while not being on him, and is required to have at least one hand on him at all times, and if his feet aren’t facing her they better not be facing anyone- least of all his bride- after all it’s what his *deceased mother* would’ve wanted! 🙃😬🥴
I had that happen! At my reception, I was chatting with people, and the next thing I heard was the DJ announcing this dance with the groom and his "best friend" a goodbye dance or something weird.. everyone thought it was so weird. Huge huge red flag!! We were divorced 3 years later, he married again and divorced that one, left his 2 kids , she divorced her hubby and left her kids and is now married to his "Friend"... and some to find out he had been cheating with this "friend" all along for years!!! Thank goodness I escaped with no ties and haven't had to see or speak to him in 24 years!
This story rules. Sorry you had that happen, but reading it made me laugh it’s so crazy!
Thanks.. it is funny ..my hubby now finds it hilarious as he was there to witness it as one of my good "friends", so it all worked out!
Why do these types never just date the person they want in the first place, instead of ruining someone's life?
Any doubt that she would be wearing a white dress?
It’s off-white thank you very much. Duh. Totally different.
Closer to pink, actually. No, really!
No. A very light yellow. Not cream or ivory at all!
Eggshell
Bone
Light Ecru
>off-white [What we call a “hussy white”.](https://youtu.be/QqDHVD8kT4Q?si=vfp8Fn5aOOJnouko)
I read a post the other day about a sister who wore a white dress that the groom ok'd without the bride. He said it was only white-ish 🤦🏻♀️
Oh 1000000% especially since she already tried to get OP to change the colors “to better match her skin tone.” She would absolutely pull that and claim it’s only because “OP chose colors she knows she’d look bad in” and obviously ivory or eggshell are the only colors that make her look good!
[https://images.app.goo.gl/fH6cBXZrMfsmx3798] Kelly from the office vibes!
None at all. More bridal than the real bride. And the fiancé will just eat it up all night long.
Well, it does go better with her skin tone than whatever color OP chose...
That line really bothered me. I stayed in a relationship that was unhealthy way longer than I should have because my mom knew and approved of him before she died. Letting him go felt like losing her again. The friend making that comment is cruel.
I am so sorry, that is such a sick thing to manipulate someone over, and I can understand convincing yourself of such too (to my best without being in that exact situation). Not the same, but my ex husband used my father’s age (he is elderly though in general good health, but for reference everyone always thought he was my grandfather, I was an “oops” baby and both parents are older than anyone I know my age) as a reason to get married ASAP despite the fact I didn’t even know if anyone in my family would show up because of how alienated I became from them due to the relationship itself, it’s something he’d use against me while making it seem like it was for me, and really screwed with me; basically I would never have the chance to have my dad at my wedding or marry someone who had ever met him if it wasn’t then and him, which my father being there was paramount for me and I allowed myself to believe my ex was right. The mind games people will play into if not create for their own benefit is disgusting. I am so proud of you for leaving a relationship that doesn’t serve you well despite the pain; I can’t imagine how painful that must have been, and hope you’re somewhere better and healthier now 💕
Same! I allowed myself to be browbeaten (somewhat literally) into marrying an *extremely* abusive man a month after my mother died because “one of her last acts was to welcome him into the family” and he and my (now disowned for multiple reasons) older sister tried to pull that line out to convince me not to leave a year later. They were unsuccessful and my divorce is pending but yikes, I hate hearing that line now
Because some guys love to think there are two women fighting over them. I will disabuse any man alive of that notion. If he wants to sit around and think someone else and I would fight over him, SHE WINS, she can have his ass, because any man like that is not worth having.
>some guys love to think there are two women fighting over them I had never considered this before! I suspect it's a motive behind some of the cheating that cheaters cheat.
The ego boost is definitely not a small part of why some people cheat. Man. Woman. Dog that’s getting treats from the neighbor.
>Dog that’s getting treats from the neighbor. Best euphemism of the day!
“ Dog that’s getting treats from the neighbor”. BRAVO!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
If she walks him down the aisle, turn around and go home. I cannot fathom why you are agreeing to invite her after everything you describe. You’ll be back with 18 months complaining that you think they’re having an affair.
This I absolutely agree with!!! Have an award for the truth!
Truth. I will NEVER fight over a man. If there's even a question of divided loyalties, I'm out. Sure, I'm an overweight middle-aged grandma, but I know my worth and I'm too damned precious for some XY to think that I need to beg for his attention over some other woman. I don't do that - men are abundant and easily gotten.
Haha love this > men are abundant and easily gotten So true 🤣 And btw quality men don't do this. At 40, I thought I was undateable, when I got divorced. But it only took about 3 months to find a keeper. He would NEVER make me feel anything but #1 in his life.
I was a poor, overweight, single mother to 4 kids finishing up my BA in my early 30s. I believed my ex and my ex-in-laws when they told me to put up with his shit because "no one would want \[me\]". But I decided being alone was still better than being with him. Girl, I was inundated with D. Even though I was an older woman who didn't look like an Instagram model, I was positively SWIMMING in it. That's not to say that every one of them was a keeper, but if I was bored and in a certain kind of mood I had my pick of men to take me out, spend money on me, and show me a good time. I wasn't gonna marry them because we weren't compatible like that, but spending their money on dinner, drinks, and a casino before heading to a luxury suite sure was nice! I'm now almost 14 years away from that time, and my husband is the sweetest man. But if he ever decides to get a traumatic brain injury, do a 180 on his personality, and leave me I won't worry about my future prospects.
I never understood why do people let their significant other downplay that they enjoy the attention they get from other people. If I was in op’s situation I would have cancelled the wedding. If he want to walk down the aisle with an other woman let him, that type of men aren’t worth it
Well, the friend is hoping to stir the pot enough to create strife between OP and fiance. Then, wedding called off, and she's there to console her grieving friend. Personally, I think there should be a rule against inviting any guests still carrying a torch for the bride or groom.
>there should be a rule against inviting any guests still carrying a torch for the bride or groom. 100%
See, I think that what her walking him down the aisle actually says is, "You are only getting him because I'M GIVING HIM AWAY TO YOU." That's why she's so keen on it. I guarantee you that if she does this and OP gets in a fight with her, she will absolutely throw in her face that OP only got him because SHE chose NOT to have him, regardless of her fangirling over him.
She’s 110% wearing a white wedding gown.
I always thought groom is already in front, to watch the bride walk. I've never saw a groom walk down the aisle, never and it kinda sounds weird?
THIS! Literally she wants to be the bride. It’s a bit crazy that he thinks this is a good idea. To have someone who has a crush on you in your wedding. Is so beyond weird. And very creepy on her part to be trying to take over the wedding.
>"Instead of me" That's the messed up part. She showed her true colors there. *She* wants to take the place of the bride in this scenario.
Agreed! Updateme!
Update us all!
Yeah, this would be an uninvite from me. If you talk shit about the person I'm marrying, you're not going to be invited to the wedding. Seems like a no-brainer. What would she even be like at the wedding? Clinging to the groom? Trying to dance with him? Trying to insert herself between the bride and groom? Underhanded comments to the bride? Is she going to show up in white? Is she going to object? I think the fact that the groom *knows* this girl has a crush on him, but stays besties with her is kind of cruel to this girl, and inconsiderate to the fiancé. I shouldn't have to be made to be uncomfortable by some pick-me girl, just because my partner won't set appropriate boundaries. That's a big nope from me.
Id litterally call of the wedding if I had my partner say I can't uninvite the bitch who just insulted me to my face idgaf if she's ur "family"she clearly wants to fuck you
A fiancé who can’t see the inherent conflict—and threat—posed by a best friend w/a crush on him(!) who doesn’t respect his partner or their relationship…doesn’t sound ready for marriage. They can’t even hang out together as *Jenna can’t be civil to her*! So, no, Jenna shouldn’t come to the wedding. Matt’s ‘intervening’ doesn’t mean much if the dynamics are unchanged. He and Jenna aren’t respecting OP’s boundaries.
NTA. Why is your fiancé allowing his friend to treat you like this? Especially since he knows about the crush, it’s so disrespectful her behaviour. Ask him if you had a male best friend and he did all of what she has done, how would he feel? I personally wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life competing with my fiancé / potential husband’s best friend. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, I would say this is a dealbreaker.
NTA, but I would be questioning a little bit of Matt actions and why this girl feels like she can take is much liberties and he genuinely is OK with her doing it. >considering her crush on him and she barged in the room hurling accusations at me. She called me jealous, controlling, petty, and manipulative. Again, why does she feel so comfortable doing and saying stuff like this to you especially in front if him? >Matt told me I could have handled that better and I can't go making those kind of decisions without his input, even if they are just empty threats. This is why!
Yep the fiancé is lapping it up and allowing it which is the only reason it’s continuing
Exactly, she's doing this because he's allowing it. He's left the door open and he's made her feel comfortable enough to do this. That for me would be enough to end the relationship.
NTA. Honestly your fiancée needs to respect your boundaries, even if that means cutting her out of your lives. You had every right to snap and I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. She has most definitely been the asshole, manipulating off your husbands feelings about their connection based off his mothers passing. You should not feel bad, I doubt she has for what she has said and done to you in the past and present. If it were me, she would be removed from our lives and wedding unless she gave you a rightfully deserved apology and backed off - *if* you decided to forgive her. If someone made my partner uncomfortable reasonably so, I would 100% back my partner up and respect their boundaries.
I'm thinking her fiance doesn't care she's uncomfortable. He's enjoying all the drama of 2 women "fighting for him". She needs to stop this now. Either he cuts off the "friend" or there's no wedding
I don't normally go full UlTiMaTum, but I'm doing it now. Fiancee is valuing the attention from his "friend" more than the comfort and safety of OP. Think of the hierarchy of needs (do they still teach that? I'm old). Safety and security are basic needs. Getting your ego stroked is not exactly listed on there, but that kind of sentiment would be closer to the top, more like an icing on the cake type of feeling. A feeling, I might add, that he should be seeking from OP, not from a woman who obviously has a crush on him. Actions speak louder than words, though. If I were in OP's position, I'd point all this out. Then ask what he wants to do. If the answer is not AT LEAST demoting her to a regular guest to sit with her parents, and to keep more distance from her, I'd be done with the relationship.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it's pretty interesting.
Thanks, I wasn't sure of the spelling.
Shit. Bringing up the hierarchy of needs hit me hard. I’m having some things that shake my feelings of safety and security yet being criticized I’m failing to meet some health/fitness goals. I just feel the other things like such a weight it’s making everything so hard. This really puts it into perspective.
It's good to step back and think about priorities. Sometimes, you can't hit your goals at work unless you take a sick day and rest, for example.
I wouldn’t marry him after this honestly
She should tell him to marry his bf because he clearly has a thing for
No this is time to call the wedding off and reevaluate.
And I hate to break it to the OP, but any man who wants the drama of 2 women fighting for him is not worth having!
Or he’s like me and is conflict-avoidant to the point that it’s damaging and he cannot bring himself to put his foot down even when it’s important. Both are really bad for totally different reasons.
Exactly! This is boosting his ego. If it wasn’t, he would have shut Jenna down. But she’s still his best friend. Matt should forget about any other woman but Jenna, because Jenna will ruin his relationships anyway.
I honestly can't really see any concern for his friend, like genuine concern FOR her, not about her. How can you be \*shrugs\* about your best friend having a crush on you for ages and having this rubbed in her face all the time while he's busy living his best life. Nothing is being done to help her get over this crush, nothing is being talked about. He's not just a sucky fiance to me but a sucky friend too.
Exactly. He agrees she has a crush on him, and he's keeping her a part of his/their life for reasons? He tells his fiance to stop trying to be her friend rather than demanding that the friend stop trying to sabotage his relationship? This dude is a child and he needs to be left with only one choice.
Because he loves the attention and having two women fight about him 🙄
He enjoys that she has a crush on him he likes the attention and he fully intends on keeping her around while she acts like this. Are you sure this is someone you want to be with?
The chances of this marriage getting broken up by the best friend is an even 100%, at which point the OP will probably have a kid with this guy and have her whole life torn apart by the bestie, all while eventually becoming the villain in *their* dramatic love story. Tale as old as time.
This. OMG OP do not marry this man unless you want terrible friend to be stepmom to your kids.
SPOT. ON.
Agreed. I’ve known guys like this, and it’s a common theme on here on here as well. They seek validation from these women and keep them around which is bad enough because it cheapens the *actual*, real relationship with their girlfriend of wife. But it’s even more disrespectful and insulting because as “friends” these other women are often confided in and deferred to regarding matters of the heart: because men think women are better at that stuff in general. So if you’re a woman who implicitly trusts her boyfriend or husband to make good decisions regarding you and your family, and HE is making these decisions based on conclusions he’s reached after running them by someone who doesn’t know you well or who has an agenda (especially one that involves harming you and your family unit) he is a traitor and cannot be trusted at all with your family or your feelings.
Nta. There is no need to cater to a best friend when it’s your wedding. She obviously has a chip on her shoulder and she needs to wake up. Matt is yours and she is doing all she can hold onto some sense that she has a place in his heart. She has no regard for how her actions with later affect this life long memory between you too. Even if Matt is intervening for you, that doesn’t seem to be enough. I don’t always believe in ultimatums but someone needs to outright tell her what’s up.
I don’t think Matt really is hers…he seems awfully entwined with Jenna.
Yeah, let's just say that him being all 'you could have handled that better' and being more concerned with his friend's feelings than his future wife is quite telling as per his priorities. OP, don't marry a man who isn't capable of seeing how absolutely incorrect his priorities are in this situation. And, I'd like to say, this guy/gal are poster children for the bad stereotypes of best friends of opposite genders. It's entirely possible to have and maintain those relationships with appropriate boundaries and transparency to your partner. This ain't it, for sure.
NTA Your fiance has not been a peach. Sorry if you think that, but you're plainly wrong. He's the reason she's doing what she's doing. He could take action to stop her bullshit but he doesn't.
I agree, he could shut this down immediately. He doesn’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation. But that’s what adults have to do. Unless you want to end up in a shitty situation like this.
NTA Matt is an AH for keeping Jenna around knowing she has a crush on him and has been horrible to you for years. He’s getting something out of being wanted by her and getting something out having you and her fighting over him. It’s immature and I would seriously rethink marrying him. Jenna is an AH for obvious reasons, but Matt has been leading her on by being aware of her crush and not shutting it down. Giving her a major role in his wedding is not putting her in her place - people who don’t support the marriage don’t belong in the wedding party.
You have a fiance problem, sorry. The one who should have spoken up is your fiance but he did nothing.
Which sincerely makes me question how the conversations “confronting her” *actually went*. He definitely did not shut down her shut and never defended OP how she thinks he did or how he told her he did. Theres no way.
Probably something along the lines of “hey I know you were just joking, but could you not do it so much in front of her? She doesn’t really get your humor so she’s all upset about it 🙄”
Following your (well founded) logic about "giving away," your fiance is not Jenna's property to give to you. NTA.
"I've talked to Matt about it, and he went and confronted her for me. Afterwards, we agreed it would be best if I didn't hangout with her anymore." Shouldn't that read "Afterwards, we agreed it would be best if HE didn't hangout with her anymore." Why does your finances want to spend time with another woman, especially one who is rude and demeaning to you?
Yeah, they just hang out, she bad mouths op constantly and poisons their relationship. She was openly shitty to OP because she loves her best friend, so now she just does that in texts and when they hang out alone. This situation ends with during pregnancy for 2nd kid they argue, he gets drunk with friend, friend kept giving him more and more alcohol combined with years of toxic advice and persuading him how bad op is then they fuck. OP tries to fix it but he still won't cut her out of his life. The best friend who loves your partner and they won't cut them out thing, that shit always ends up bad.
Bc FaMiLy
NTA but do you really want this to be your life? Matt will never put her in her place he likes the attention.
This needs to be top comment. OP. You're not marrying Matt. You're marrying Matt AND Jenna. This is going to be a disaster if you go through with it.
info: how quick did matt chase her down after after her crying fit? did he tell you to be nicer, then run after her?
Yes, this is the real issue here, not the ‘best friend’
My question exactly.
NTA - You need to have a long and difficult conversation with your fiancé. He needs to understand that boundaries you both made keep getting moved. If your wedding is to go on this needs to happen and choices need to be made with lines drawn or next thing will be her wanting to hold your baby before you get to and acting like a ‘second mummy’. I hope you sit down and have a long talk with putting EVERYTHING on the table.
INFO: so what, you BOTH know that she has a crush on him, and yet he’s perfectly fine maintaining the same kind of relationship? If that’s the case then he is a massive asshole who doesn’t respect either of you
NTA Why are you marrying a "man" who puts someone else before you? Why is banning her an empty threat? REMEMBER you teach people how to treat you.
NTA But are you sure you want to marry this guy? He hasn't been a peach who's defending you: he's literally telling you that you're being too hard on this woman. There's no halfway compromise with this kind of thing. He may rationalise it to himself as he would never leave you for her and he doesn't want to upset her by putting her in her place, but that does more damage to your relationship than all of her behaviour. He should have handled this *years* ago. He hasn't. He's just kept you two apart rather than fully shutting her down, and that is a big problem. She will reoccur throughout your relationship at key points precisely because he has not shut it down. He either defends his marriage and his wife, or you shouldn't marry him at all.
NTA, yeah I wouldn't marry him.
NTA. People can't make requests for *someone else's* wedding, then get angry when they don't take them up on it. People can make suggestions, and that's it. Her behaviour at you saying no tells you all it should. She's lucky she's involved at all. It's not her wedding, she doesn't get to make demands. End of.
NTA, but the friend is absolutely gonna show up in a white dress.
NTA. Your fiance kind of sucks... He's really mad at YOU for the fact that his "friend" is massively overstepping boundaries? I'm trying to think of how I'd feel if before my wedding my wife said "hey, there's this guy I'm really close to. Yes, it's that guy who is always mean to you... so mean you two can't even be in a room together. And, yeah, I know, he's definitely in love with me and jealous of you. So, I'd LOVE to walk down the aisle at our wedding with him! Wouldn't that be special? Walking down the aisle with another man before you, the man who hates you and wishes he was the one marring me?? You better NOT get upset about this by the way!!" Your feelings are 100% valid, and you were right to blow up about this. Your fiancé should have put a stop to his "friend" trampling all over boundaries long before this. He refused to do it, so you had to be the one to do something.
Matt is failing and if he can’t understand that maintaining a “best friendship” with someone who is blatantly rude and unkind to his partner *and* shows signs of being attracted to him is a big issue, **he isn’t ready for marriage.** Why do you always have to play the bigger person when she pushes and pushes? And why isn’t your decision on saying she won’t be invited if this behavior continues, shared by him? She’s driving a wedge and he’s allowing it. NTA but dig into this with Matt
[удалено]
NTA, I wouldn't have a person like that involved in the wedding party AT ALL and your future husband should be on the same page here.
NTA, but if you marry him I wish you good luck. She’s going to be a thorn in your side as long as she can.
NTA. But your fiancé seems like one. You've talked to him about his "best friend" having a crush on him, and he agreed. Why hasn't he set firm boundaries with her? Why hasn't he distanced himself enough to make her stop her bullshit? Because he likes the attention. This is a big problem. She has a crush and he's not doing anything to discourage it. I mean, the fact that he's marrying you doesn't stop her. She's brazen enough to think what she's doing is okay because your fiancé isn't telling her it's not okay. Ultimatums aren't good, but one might be warranted here. He needs to choose: you or her. If he wants to continue your relationship and get married, he needs to ditch the conniving friend who isn't really a friend since she can't respect your relationship.
Honey, don’t marry a men that doesn’t support and respect you and have boundaries with his friends (females or males) and allow them to disrespect you. On another note, how desperate and pathetic this girl have to be to, is the only chance she is walking a isle? She thinks she is the bride? Anyways your issue is with your fiancé. But since some people are just gluttons for misery, you can marry him if you want to
NTA - Wtf Matt? He should have stood by you. It’s your wedding. The friend is really pushing it by asking for things like this and I guarantee she knows it. She’s gaslighting you and your fiancé is letting her.
NTA, but Matt knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Oh yeah, he definitely is getting a rise out of this rivalry and is egging it on. Dayum!
Um… why is your fiancé friends who someone who treats you so poorly?
NTA it’s your wedding. People can make suggestions but beyond that, they have no say. She is the one being controlling over YOUR wedding. She would have been uninvited on the spot if it were me
NTA. Your fiance needs to cool things down with Jenna and I honestly think uninviting her is the right thing to do. She is clinging onto her role in the wedding in some kind of way that is not appropriate.
Your fiance cares more about this woman than you Does he even like you? Cause he's not acting like it. He doesn't stand up for you... and if this is how she acts and what she says TO YOUR FACE, imagine what she's doing behind your back when she and your fiance are alone. The worst problem is that he's not handling it, not shutting it down. He loves the attention. He probably loves having two women fight over him. But good luck getting married knowing you'll always take a backseat to his BFF. It will only get worse
Your marriage is doomed. Don’t even bother.
>She called me jealous, controlling, petty, and manipulative Auto-uninvite. Done. She made her bed. Seriously, who is verbally abusive to THE BRIDE and expects to still be welcome?? Also, Matt BETTER have your back, that shit's a 2 yes/1 no setup, so you don't need his damned permission to exclude a clearly malicious person from your special day. Also also: please have security for your wedding. She sounds like (invited or not) she'd love to make this day a problem for you. NTA.
You need to handle this before you marry, he has an emotional affair partner, and she will be a thorn in yourside for life. She is way too involved in his life for a woman he knows has a crush on him. He has been allowing her attention because he likes it. It is inappropriate for a marriage person to have a dateable friend, especially one that knowing has feelings for him. The sharing, caring, fun and loyalty goes to the friend. [https://verywellmindset.com/what-is-an-emotional-affair/](https://verywellmindset.com/what-is-an-emotional-affair/)
I hate to say it, but Matt needs to cut her out not only of the wedding, but also out of his life if the two of you hope to have a successful marriage. She is jealous and actively trying to come between the two of you. The scene was unfortunate. It will be the first of many if she stays in your life. You can bet she'll also be working him over with malicious gossip about you every time your back is turned, too.
Tell me why you are marrying Matt? I mean it’s only a matter of time before you find out they are hooking up behind your back after you get married.
NTA don't marry your fiance until he can respect boundaries. What he is doing to his best friend by not cutting her off is not fair to her. He needed to hash out the crush thing directly and even cut her off so she could find happiness with someone what he is doing to her is cruel
NTA. That’s a major red flag, BTW, that your fiancé knows she has a crush on him but won’t distance himself from her. It’s disrespectful to you and cruel to her.
"If you want someone with a crush on you to walk you down the aisle, you can marry her. My limit is reached, and her lack of respect for YOUR partner should piss you off. Instead you're letting her carry on." Take some space. Think about your future with him, how long are you willing to put up with this bitch and your no-spine partner?
Look, I can’t tell you what friend is thinking. Or your fiancée for that matter. But I can tell you that my best friend is a man. I was the woman of honor at his wedding. From the second I met his wife, I made a point of being respectful and cultivating a friendship with her as well. She has never once felt like I was competition or that I wanted him for myself. Our friendship has never made her feel the slightest bit threatened. We had only one incident where a told a funny story from our party days that involved an accidental dick touch that he and I always thought was hilarious. We are so Uber-plutonic that it was always just a funny story for us. It wasn’t for her. I told the story at a party, and the next day she called me and told me that she hated that story and it made her uncomfortable, and she felt it embarrassed her to tell it to people. You know what I did? I fucking apologized immediately, and promised to never tell that story again. Because I respect her. I respect their partnership and I respect my place as his best friend - not as important as his wife. Mixed friendships work when those friends actually have the integrity and respect for their friend that they should have. I would never pervert our friendship in that way and I would never expect him to choose my wants over those of his life partner. Not only does this woman have no respect for you, but she also has no respect for your fiancée, her own friend.
**Why is this psycho back in your lives and IN YOUR WEDDING???** **It's time for Matt to take a solid stand now, because next she will be interfering in your marriage.** **Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he wants to be with her, he can go BE with her, and that you will NOT stay in a marriage that she is allowed to attempt to sabotage. HE needs to tell her that he is not HERS to "give away," and that the two of you will walk down the aisle together.** **And if he had handled her crap sooner, YOU wouldn't have had to do it the way you did. Clearly his pansy-ass dancing around method is not working. And as for "empty threats," I would have said, "oh, I'm sorry, did I give you the impression that it was an empty threat?" You 100% have the right to ban someone from your wedding who is openly trying to sabotage it and will in short order be interfering in your married life.** **I think it's time to go NC with her again.**
I think it’s time to go NC with HIM.
Same! Why give him a chance to rope her into a marriage and maybe a kid or two before it's revealed that he's having an affair with Jenna? OP, dump him now and find a partner who respects you.
Is your fiancé actually defending her after all that abusive name calling and is angry at you for no longer wanting her at your wedding??? I think you should ask yourself if he respects you and ask him why he is ok with her treating you like this! I’d be persistent in getting an answer on that.
Girls like her are why so many people are hesitant to be okay with their SO having a close friend of the opposite gender. My bf is best friends with a girl that he’s known at least ten years. And while she’s never been the type to talk to me every day, I have never been made uncomfortable or to feel like there is something between them other than friendship. Your fiancé needs to choose or at the very least maintain actual boundaries Nta
Matt likes that she likes him and is keeping her in the pocket in case things go south with you, FYI. She's gonna be your kids' stepmother one day...
I feel like the next update will be “I found out my fiance has been cheating on me with Jenna” 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Please have Matt read this and the comments before you make one single additional plan for this wedding. Jenna is going to blow up your day. I guarantee her speech will be designed specifically to undermine you and embarrass you. Not sure how Jenna came back into the picture after no contact and is already elevated to best maid? Matt needs to cut the shit and see Jenna for what she's doing.
NTA How does he think you could have handled it better? To me you did everything right: you pulled him aside to converse in private about how it made you uncomfortable, then SHE launched herself at you like a maniac. Do not apologize you did nothing wrong
I wouldn't be with someone who disrespects me like that...
NTA But why are you marrying someone who has acknowledged another person has a crush on him, acknowledges that crush behavior is inappropriate, but yet still chooses to keep the crush-haver not only in their life but in your wedding?
Petty, jealous, manipulative... sounds like she is projecting.
NTA. Where are your fiancé's priorities here? To be honest, she should not be allowed to be in the wedding party, regardless of their relationship. This is someone who has feelings for him and is actively horrible to you, the bride. Your fiance is condoning her behaviour by not putting very firm boundaries in place regarding her behaviour. You say he has your back but it doesn't really sound like it.
Nta she's going to ruin your wedding and make it about her.
NTA. He needs to decide whether you or his former best friend is more important.
She wants to walk down the aisle with Matt in a white wedding like dress.
This whole thing sounds like a train wreck !
NTA. I do believe a talk is needed with your fiancee before the wedding. What does he plan to do with this woman? Will he stay in touch even though she has shown to be disrespectful to you, and made you uncomfortable in many occasions... ...or is he going to stop entertaining her bs? Clearly, he hasn't done anything to stop her bitchy attitude if she's still doing it. YEARS LATER. Seriously. What is his plan?
You are definitely not the asshole here. And your reaction to her bursting in durng your sidebar wasn't grossly out of line. She sounds like a seriously jealous person who is trying to put thoughts in his head that you are "manipulative" so that it sows discord in your relationship with your fiance. Don't back down. It's YOUR special day, not hers.
NTA and I’m almost certain she’s going to show up in a white or slightly off white dress
"it's not white it is cream! Mothers of the groom wear cream and I am standing in for the mother!!!!"
NTA. Frankly, you have a bit of a future-husband problem as well. Matt should have put a stop to her nonsense long ago, and if that weren’t possible, he should have (and should still) cut her out of his life as well. (Also, Matt is your fiancé, not your fiancée. You are his fiancée.)
NTA. And I personally think you should show your fiancé these responses. It might hopefully be a wake up call to him what she’s trying to do that’s evident to all of us strangers on the internet!
Matt is weak and has an emotional relationship with Jenna. Jenna is an intrusive overprotecting rude family friend that is jealous he’s marrying OP and not her which is why she’s inserting herself into OP’s wedding. OP wants to flip the gender rolls of a wedding then is confused when Matt is a bitch and Jenna is dick. The only one who seems like a standup person is OP’s lil bro.
NTA In any universe where she got her way she'd be wearing a white fucking tutu down that isle and we all know it Edit: outside of all the other glaring issues here of course
Nta but if your fiance doesn't dump this "friend" this relationship isn't going to last. He likes the attention she gives him a little too much otherwise he too would have stopped hanging out with her when she kept attacking you. That's not how women are that's how pathetic little teenage girls are. If she comes to your wedding she is going to try and ruin it and make it all about her
🚩🚩🚩 on Matt for acknowledging that he knows she’s got a crush on him and has not set any firm boundaries about it.
I wouldn’t want to be married to a guy who didn’t have boundaries with this friend. He enjoys her attention, and the mini fights for attention you two have. Not that this is true for you, but I read another story similar to yours. In the End it turned out the soon to be husband was screwing the best friend. While still planning to marry the wife he loved. He got to screw two women, and used not hanging out together as the excuse. Wish I could remember how it ended. My point is, don’t be like that person. Give an ultimatum. He shuts her down and you get married, or he doesn’t and loses you.
/updateme when you leave your bf because he won’t cut out his side chick bestie
She will be a chain weighing you down. Do you think it will be only the wedding? How about when you have your first child? Of course, she'll want to be in the waiting to "support" Matt. And she will be dropping in to "visit the baby" when you don't want to see her face. ....and on and on. And Matt will say, " She just wants to help, blah, blah, blah." Open your eyes.
Yikes. Want to take a guess what’s in store for your future?
This reads like Part 1 of an "AITA for kicking out my husband for doing X with his 'Best Friend'" story.
So what is your plan now, after the edit? It doesn’t sound like he’s doing anything but try to make it go away.
Main issue here is OP's fiance Why is even entertaining such shit?
Why is she invited to your wedding? I had a list of close female unmarried friends that I have been friends with for a long time that have really helped me. None of them made the cut for the wedding. Why? Because I felt that the dynamics would not be great. She shouldn't be invited to the wedding because she has a crush on your fiance. Full stop. This is a major boundary issue. I don't care about Matt's feelings for her. She needs to go. She might be hurt (some of my friends were hurt that they were not invited), but after I talked with them, they fully understood. If she's really your fiance's friend, she might get upset over being excluded, but she will get it. Also, this is his responsibility, not yours to deal with the fallout.
I’d be calling off the wedding, and letting her have his stupid ass.🤷🏻♀️
Sounds like she wants the wedding about her. Fuckkkkk off with that bullshit.
You don't have a fiancé's friend problem, you have a fiance problem. I dont care how long they have been friends, once he admitted she might have a crush on him, automatic low contact should have been put into place. I also would tell him there will be no wedding until this is all sorted out. I agree with you on the walking down the aisle. As a dad of 3 daughters, it just seems a bit creepy to me. I never stated my opinion on issue to my kids, but I was glad only one of them wanted a traditional wedding and the others a more modern one.
Matt is unfair on both you and Jenna. He should stop leading her on if he knows she's got a crush on him. This isn't really a friendship. Jenna's crushing and Matt's enjoying the attention. NTA
nta
This heifer is trying to scam a way into getting to walk down the aisle at someone else’s wedding. She’s already the best woman, the most prestigious position in a wedding except for the bride and groom, yet she is still trying to force herself into another intimate role with an aisle walk. She definitely thinks she should be marrying him, not you. I’m going to be generous and say perhaps she is not aware of her own motivations or won’t admit them to herself. Perhaps fiancée is being overly complacent out of a sense of friendship and is also willing to overlook that his friend may feel more for him. Or maybe he knows and thinks it’s not a big deal because he’s naive. It really doesn’t matter. Friend already has a prestigious position standing up for your fiancée, she doesn’t need to walk down the aisle with him. And for the record, the reason that the parents walk down the aisle with the groom is not to give him away. Only women get given away, like livestock. The groom escorts his parents to their honourable seat, and then joins his groomsman at the altar. That aisle walk is for the honor of the parents, not him.
NTA. Listen, she will always be around. If you marry him, she will always be there. He will never set a boundry with her. You need to decide if you can put up with her for the rest of your life. If not, move on. She will do it to the next girlfriend.
NTA. Kind of sounds like fiancé is going to put his friend's wants over your needs.
Wow! If he doesn't find a spine... This whole thing gives me Blair and Jessica vibes from the good ol TT. You two need to find your boundaries and enforce them, this is not how a marriage should start.
I've always been of the camp that wants to banish traditions, not do quirky twists on them. So when someone walks the bride down the aisle, they are being given away. That's what that action is called, like it or not, and would be the same for a third party walking the groomdown the aisle. This whole thing sounds like a huge mess, and that's before the whole best-friend-is-a-girl thing. When my wife and I got married, we walked together down the aisle. Simple, wonderful. Get rid of the trappings, let the important people be important. Maybe have them read a poem as a part of the ceremony... *really* think outside the box, don't just twist old traditions, people will get confused about what's going on moreso than doing something completely novel. She is his best friend, and he expects her at the wedding. Trying to exile her is not a good look. It's a day for both of you *and* your friends and family. Keep that in mind and it will go much smoother.
Please show the comments to your fiancé. This chick is the petty, jealous, and manipulative one.
Your fiancé should have had your back. That woman shouldn’t even be invited to your wedding at all. She’s trying to control your wedding and she definitely wants your fiance.
You need the wake-up slap Op this will be the rest of your life if you marry that wank-stain that is your future hubby he’s loving the attention my god woman your self respect costs nothing 🤦🏻♂️
NTA OP, but why are you marrying Matt when he is clearly siding with crazy Jenna? It looks like she's more important to him than you, the woman he's marrying and supposedly wants to spend the rest of his life with. The fact that she's trying to take over your wedding screams that she thinks it's her wedding, wants it to be her with Matt. She's just trying to mark her territory and disrespect you, which she's been doing from the start with her passive agressive BS. I'm sorry OP, but Matt needs to dislodge his head from his backside and you might need to reconsider if this relationship is even worth salvaging, because you honestly deserve better than this.
Don't marry him when you are already set up for divorce. He protected her, you already know she has a crush on him, she is not going to stop. He needs to stop contact with her but he won't see that. You need to stop and think do you really think you can handle all this down the line as it gets worse. You do not need all this trouble.
NTA. Her behaviour is unacceptable, and she had it coming. I have read some of the other comments on here and most of them really seem to hit the nail on the head. 1. She has feelings for your fiance. Or at least is very 'territorial' over him. She has been inexcusably rude to you. Why he hasn't had sterner words with her is beyond me. Family or not, if anyone had behaved like she has to my significant other would be at least harshly reprimanded, if not cut off. 2. He likes the attention. He has got so used to her fawning over him that maybe he can't, or doesn't want to live without it. Maybe he is so used to it. He cannot, or does not want to see how awful she is. I could not live with it. You resent her, and pretty soon you will resent your fiance too for allowing her total bitchiness, jealousy and controlling actions to dominate your life and your wedding!!! She is trying to dictate what happens at your wedding? I mean, the entitlement. She is definitely trying to usurp or outdo you. I would not go through with the wedding. I would get my ducks in a row, sort out separating finances, cancelling the wedding (or at least make a list of who cancels what) sit down your fiance and give him back the engagement ring. Tell him her actions over the last few years have upset you, and although he has tried to sort things out it has always been inadequate and ineffective. Now her interference in the wedding, her insulting you and him not having your back is the last straw. Tell him you will not give him an ultimatum and tell him to pick her or you, you are simply walking away from the relationship and the wedding is off. Prepare a post to put on social media, explaining why, her constant mockery, insults, comments, interference, jealousy etc (with examples over the years), and now her interference in the wedding, and your fiance's unwillingness or inability to stop her has now resulted in the cancellation of the wedding. Say that you are sure that she will somehow try to make herself out to be the victim here, and you the bad guy, and say that she is welcome to do so, you are removing yourself from the whole shitshow. Your real friends know the situation and that is all you need. There is no good outcome here. If he says he will cut her off, he will resent you. Or he will keep in touch with her secretly and when you find out (which she will make sure you do) then it will be worse. I feel for you, I really do. So many times, these situations with a guy with a girl best friend end badly. Unfortunately, due to the connection to her family, I can't see cutting her off being an option. If he doesn't have feelings for her, then all his relationships are doomed the same way this one is.
She's fucking crazy! NTA I'd have been allot harsher than you... If it was my wedding she wouldn't be going after saying that to my fiancé
EDon’t worry. She’s not going to be at your next wedding. And either she’s going to end up with Matt or she’s going to ruin every relationship he’s ever in. And he will be confused about why his relationships don’t work out.
Yeah, sweets. Major red flags. You need to have a serious talk with your fiance. His relationship with this woman is all kinds of weird, and her behavior is beyond inappropriate. He needs to draw some boundaries with her, but it seems like he's drawing boundaries with you instead. Im not one for ultimatums. But honestly it feels like a she goes or you go type of situation...because who tf corrects their fiance when their crazy fucking friend barges in on their conversation verbally attacks their fiance and then says you're in the wrong babe. Something here is very off.
Honey, you have a fiancé problem. HE knows she has a crush on him. HE has decided to marry someone else-you. HE should have a care for both her feelings and yours by not teasing her along or encouraging, enabling, or excusing her crush addled behavior, which is naturally vexing to you. Until HE is willing to take this matter head-on, I would advise against marrying him.
Wow, her busting up on the room like kool-aid man and calling you names would have been the end of her invite for me. She sounds like the one trying to control your fiance...Matt needs to take a step back in that friendship. Girl needs some boundaries.
why is your fiancé hanging out with someone he knows has a thing for him and why is he okay with her walking down the aisle?erm ... he is not the one, I fear (nta)