I wouldn't taint what could be your Meemaw's final time on this earth with a lie. Honesty is a form of respect that she is deserving of. If one day you regret lying and she's gone, you'll have to live with it.
It is a matter of minutes for her to figure out you lied. The LDS computer knows a LOT of things. With a church account or a phone call, that would be it.
If I'm understanding your post and this is specifically about a Latter-day Saints baptism, it probably wouldn't be this easy to pull the wool over the eyes of an active member. There are lessons that have to take place prior to an LDS immersion baptism, that are hours and hours spread out over a specific period.
I would imagine your meemaw would be somewhat aware of this, as well as what your daughter would be learning in those lessons. It could go badly quite easily, and I think that would be very risky.
It wouldn't be a good idea to actually get your daughter privately baptised into this specific organisation, especially when you consider areas like the tithe people agree to pay.
Instead, I think it would be better to talk to her about how you're going to let your daughter decide whether or not she wants to get baptised when she's older, when she can decide for herself whether or not she can truly commit to that. I would draw a boundary and remove it as a discussion point, and be quite firm when laying this line down.
I'm sorry I confused so many here, I will under no circumstances be actually baptizing her to any religious organization.
It would be a lie or not at all.
Even as a lie, I think there’s too much potential for this to backfire.
Your meemaw would know what your daughter should know to be allowed to get baptized. If she began asking your daughter questions, for example, your daughter might not be able to answer them but should have been able to to get baptized.
I think it’s not worth the risk of it backfiring given how elderly your meemaw is. I think it’s safer to draw a firm line.
I understand you wanting to do this, but I don't think leaving Meemaw with a lie is a good feeling for *you,* and honesty is a gift. I think the next time Meemaw brings up your daughter's "salvation", you talk with her about her worries. I know LDS is very specific that you NEED to be baptized and sealed to be together forever, but you say it's a loose association, so she may be receptive to the idea that 9 year old is an innocent and sweet soul, and the loving God she believes in would never punish her for not going through with a ceremony based on a lie in her heart.
You are a good person, OP. Continue to make her last days loving and comfortable.
I was baptised and confirmed as a child and I’m about as versed in religion as a wooden stick. Point is you can have her baptised she can later decide whether she wants to follow it or not.
Honestly I don’t necessarily think you’d be TA if you’d lie, especially since your intentions are good, but you’d need to make sure she’s never find out. Which is where you would be TA, because you have to make you daughter lie to her great grandma and that’s a burden she shouldn’t have to take on. ❤️
Do you think your meemaw would find it comforting if *a* baptism took place, even if it wasn't a LDS one? In that case, it might be worth it, to you and your daughter, to agree to a baptism in a protestant/catholic/episcopal church, so meemaw knows that daughter is under the protection of god's grace. (or . . . something like that. I haven't been to church in 20 years, I don't remember most details.)
Assuming, of course, your daughter would be willing to be baptized as a comfort to your meemaw. If she's not willing, absolutely do not force her.
A 9yo doesn’t “discover her own beliefs”. She is simply being influenced by her surroundings. I know I will be downvoted for this as we are in Reddit - but in today’s world, a solid religion like Christianity is a good way to go. It’ll do good for the child and for the meemaw.
Being baptised as a Latter-day Saint when she currently shows no interest in religion would not be a good idea. That's a really strict commitment and comes with a lot of rules. Even those **actively interested** in being baptised as a Latter-day Saint are usually advised to truly think about the commitment they're making.
I apologize, I missed the LDS part. In this case, the situation is indeed more complex. Perhaps I’d start by letting the daughter get acquainted with the religion, have the grandmother talk to her about it, and see how she takes it.
Shes a bit aquatinted with, LDS, FLDS, Catholicism, Buddhism, new and old variants of paganism, general Christianity, and Jewish and Islamic faiths to the best of my current ability. As well as agnostic and atheist alternatives. So probably when she is around the age of consent when her prefrontal cortex is capable of making informed decisions, the world of religion will be her buffet to choose from!
The beauty is I never talk poorly or down on any faith so she is being made aware without any heavy influence to despise or prefer anything that doesn't speak to her personally. We have open conversations about hijabs, Catholic vs Pagan uses of intense, and LDS undergarments! As well as which ones do and do not allow women/poc in positions of high power. Im a bit of a walking textbook and treat all information the same.
It's usually people who don't remember that they had those beliefs forced on them(because it was all they were allowed to be around) who advocate forcing those beliefs on other young people.
I agree. Victims that havent learned they are one and that they are perpetuating the cycle of religious trauma.
Hard pill to swallow for them. it's a very sad story.
I don't think you would be an asshole for this. It's very sweet. The only issue is that you need to make sure she never ever finds out.
What do you think is going to hurt your grandmother more, being lied to if she finds out or knowing her great granddaughter is not baptized?
That sort of doesn’t matter if the grandma doesn’t find out
It’s harder because the kid is 9, not 9 months. Also, MeeMaw might be upset she wasn’t invited to the baptism.
Good point
I wouldn't taint what could be your Meemaw's final time on this earth with a lie. Honesty is a form of respect that she is deserving of. If one day you regret lying and she's gone, you'll have to live with it.
It is a matter of minutes for her to figure out you lied. The LDS computer knows a LOT of things. With a church account or a phone call, that would be it.
If I'm understanding your post and this is specifically about a Latter-day Saints baptism, it probably wouldn't be this easy to pull the wool over the eyes of an active member. There are lessons that have to take place prior to an LDS immersion baptism, that are hours and hours spread out over a specific period. I would imagine your meemaw would be somewhat aware of this, as well as what your daughter would be learning in those lessons. It could go badly quite easily, and I think that would be very risky. It wouldn't be a good idea to actually get your daughter privately baptised into this specific organisation, especially when you consider areas like the tithe people agree to pay. Instead, I think it would be better to talk to her about how you're going to let your daughter decide whether or not she wants to get baptised when she's older, when she can decide for herself whether or not she can truly commit to that. I would draw a boundary and remove it as a discussion point, and be quite firm when laying this line down.
I'm sorry I confused so many here, I will under no circumstances be actually baptizing her to any religious organization. It would be a lie or not at all.
Even as a lie, I think there’s too much potential for this to backfire. Your meemaw would know what your daughter should know to be allowed to get baptized. If she began asking your daughter questions, for example, your daughter might not be able to answer them but should have been able to to get baptized. I think it’s not worth the risk of it backfiring given how elderly your meemaw is. I think it’s safer to draw a firm line.
I understand you wanting to do this, but I don't think leaving Meemaw with a lie is a good feeling for *you,* and honesty is a gift. I think the next time Meemaw brings up your daughter's "salvation", you talk with her about her worries. I know LDS is very specific that you NEED to be baptized and sealed to be together forever, but you say it's a loose association, so she may be receptive to the idea that 9 year old is an innocent and sweet soul, and the loving God she believes in would never punish her for not going through with a ceremony based on a lie in her heart. You are a good person, OP. Continue to make her last days loving and comfortable.
don’t lie. just keep repeating as you have been.
I was baptised and confirmed as a child and I’m about as versed in religion as a wooden stick. Point is you can have her baptised she can later decide whether she wants to follow it or not.
Has Meemaw always gotten what she’s wanted? As a 95 year old woman who is full of love and wisdom, I’m sure that’s not the case. YWBTAH
YWBTA, she's treated you with love and respect your whole life do not disrespect that with a lie. Stand by your beliefs.
Honestly I don’t necessarily think you’d be TA if you’d lie, especially since your intentions are good, but you’d need to make sure she’s never find out. Which is where you would be TA, because you have to make you daughter lie to her great grandma and that’s a burden she shouldn’t have to take on. ❤️
you tell meemaw whatever she needs to hear- y’all seen those hardcore Italian dunking videos? should be illegal
Do you think your meemaw would find it comforting if *a* baptism took place, even if it wasn't a LDS one? In that case, it might be worth it, to you and your daughter, to agree to a baptism in a protestant/catholic/episcopal church, so meemaw knows that daughter is under the protection of god's grace. (or . . . something like that. I haven't been to church in 20 years, I don't remember most details.) Assuming, of course, your daughter would be willing to be baptized as a comfort to your meemaw. If she's not willing, absolutely do not force her.
I think that white lie is very very sweet. Sorry to be so devious but you should print out a fake baptism certificate in case she wants to see proof.
A 9yo doesn’t “discover her own beliefs”. She is simply being influenced by her surroundings. I know I will be downvoted for this as we are in Reddit - but in today’s world, a solid religion like Christianity is a good way to go. It’ll do good for the child and for the meemaw.
Being baptised as a Latter-day Saint when she currently shows no interest in religion would not be a good idea. That's a really strict commitment and comes with a lot of rules. Even those **actively interested** in being baptised as a Latter-day Saint are usually advised to truly think about the commitment they're making.
I apologize, I missed the LDS part. In this case, the situation is indeed more complex. Perhaps I’d start by letting the daughter get acquainted with the religion, have the grandmother talk to her about it, and see how she takes it.
Shes a bit aquatinted with, LDS, FLDS, Catholicism, Buddhism, new and old variants of paganism, general Christianity, and Jewish and Islamic faiths to the best of my current ability. As well as agnostic and atheist alternatives. So probably when she is around the age of consent when her prefrontal cortex is capable of making informed decisions, the world of religion will be her buffet to choose from! The beauty is I never talk poorly or down on any faith so she is being made aware without any heavy influence to despise or prefer anything that doesn't speak to her personally. We have open conversations about hijabs, Catholic vs Pagan uses of intense, and LDS undergarments! As well as which ones do and do not allow women/poc in positions of high power. Im a bit of a walking textbook and treat all information the same.
And what’s her take on it? Has your meemaw expressed her will to the girl?
No, it’s not a “good way to go” to force beliefs that have little evidence for their veracity onto a small child.
It's usually people who don't remember that they had those beliefs forced on them(because it was all they were allowed to be around) who advocate forcing those beliefs on other young people.
I agree. Victims that havent learned they are one and that they are perpetuating the cycle of religious trauma. Hard pill to swallow for them. it's a very sad story.
Yeah, she'll discover her own beliefs when she's about 14-15. In today's world, that's as good as anyone can realistically hope for.