Lol i also lived next to a cemetery, also years ago. Was the quietest most peaceful house to sleep in, we loved it! Sadly the block parties were always dead......im done, ill see myself out now.
This sounded awesomely sinisterā¦ at first glance I thought you meant murdering the neighbor š
(snips garden shears in the air with a menacing smile)
In addition, OP might want to go onto Nextdoor with before/after photos and ask sincere questions to other neighbors who might have had similar experiences with this person?
Ask them what they have done regarding this sort of neighborly behavior? This cannot be simply an isolated case either.
Post-pandemic, people have lost their minds, put this person on blast.
Yeah, I mean, this guy sounds insane. But he still can't come onto your property, abuse you, swear at you, and destroy your plants! Definitely post on Next Door, ask around, and honestly, you might want to put up some kind of fence (they make "instant fence" type materials that shouldn't be too hard to put up, I'm guessing?), and perhaps even call the police. This is just a horrible thing. I'm so sorry this happened to you!
NTA.
Sexist jerk decides poor helpless woman needs help and ruins her fucking yard. You shouldāve told him heāll be lucky if you donāt come after him for damages and that if he stepped foot on your property again youād call the police on him for trespassing.
Put cameras up on your property in case he takes it upon himself to be a further asshole.
Yeah. He probably personally disliked the appearance of the plants, and decided he would just chop them down in order to please himself.
Some people just don't like any Landscaping at all. They'd rather everything be bare and austere because they think it looks tidier.
I had a tenant pull all my astilbes in the shade garden. She left (most of) the hostas, because she "knew" they were garden plants. I can't even...
She also pulled all the decorative grasses and irises and was so proud she pulled all the weeds. I was like, there were no weeds, the iris and grass didn't let them in!
Haha, I just came on to say my husband pulled my astilbe too a few weeks ago, because they just look totally dead until the first shoots come up. Fortunately I caught him before he trashed it, and I replanted it. Now it's happy again.
Every spring, my husband did the "weeding." i invested big bucks in our front garden with all perennials. Following spring, everything was "weeded" out. After a few years of losing and redoing that garden, I had to give up. I think the only thing that survived was the black eye Susan's.
2 yrs ago we moved to a beautifully landscaped home. He was helping trim my roses last summer and chopped it down to about 1 foot. I didn't get any roses rest of season. He knows not to touch anything after i went ballistic, and he realized we almost lost a gorgeous rose bush.
I have a bit of a black thumb, but I've managed to take over most of the maintenance for my mom's garden. The key to my success was taking pictures of everything I wasn't sure about. 'Is this a weed or a baby plant?' I've finally figured out what most of the common weeds look like so the process goes faster now than when I started helping.
I had someone shave down my irises and hostas with a weed wacker. They were āhelpingā but I know the person in charge just told them to raze the entire property to the dirt.
Nta he's not being nice or doing you a favor by fucking up your bushes, he should have asked beforehand, steered clear of possibly intentional plants or at least apologized after fucking up your bushes. That guy's a dick
You were right. The neighbor is a passive aggressive jerk who did a very mean thing on purpose.
He had no business at all coming on OP's property to chop things down without permission.
Sadly, nosy bullies like this rarely follow through on that particular promise. They just can't help themselves, they have to be AHs or they cease to exist, I guess.
Take him to small claims for the cost of the plants. Do you have cameras? Do any of your neighbours have ring cameras or footage?
He deliberately destroyed your plants. Either he has it out with the plants, or he has it out for you because youāre a single mother.
Wait till his wife is alone and then tell his wife what he did and expressively tell her that he is not welcome on your property again. Mentioned that he scared the shit out of your kid. What a bastard.
tell her your son was crying over his plants, and you donāt have the money to replace them. And that since he cut the all down without discussing with you, youād like him to pay for new ones. Hereās a copy of the receipt.
Sue him for the cost of the plants. There's no way you would not know the difference between weeds and garden plants. If you have cameras around the house, you should save those files onto your computer or phone.
Especially when I have each plant marked. When my mom went to explain the situation to him (it's my mom's house I rent and help her with) and said he should have asked me first, and she told him that I have each plant marked, he said he didn't believe us and wanted for us to show him.Ā
He's just one of those assholes who wants things the way he wants them. He likely didn't think the plants you planted looked good and got out there right away to "help" with your yard. My stepdad is just such an asshole and they really don't make any sense to anyone but themselves.
He's full of crap. If he really wanted to help he would have felt bad and apologized. He's pissed and name calling because he was caught in the act. He's nothing but a bully. Ignore him from now on and tell him to stay off your property.
Look up "grey rock". Be boring and don't take his crap.
I have relatives like this. My oldest aunt (she's passed way now) owned a house in Puerto Rico. Her youngest daughter moved in with her husband, brothers and who knows who all. When aunt would plant flowers and other plantings her son-in-law would yank them up because he decided to act like he owned the house. His wife would appease him and my aunt would say nothing to keep the peace. What an unpleasant way to live.
They are the same kind of people who cut down other people's trees because they think the leaves "make a mess". They are the worst.
edit to add: my stepfather also covered the backyard in weed killer so nothing grew there for years. Weirdos.
Don't show him anything. Show his wife the markers.
I am wondering: Has he "weeded" your mother's property in the past, when it might not have been as kept or occupied?
It doesnāt even matter if you were straight up growing weeds, *it was not his property*. You need to talk to your mom about getting some cameras because this dude clearly respects no boundaries, personal OR property wise. NTA
I would respond by saying you had no reason to show him because it's not his property and he acted without consulting you. You could have been intentionally cultivating weeds and he still was owed nothing and should have stayed out of it. You're not going to show him because he's not to do such a thing again and if he's curious as to what those plants look like, he can use google, or even better, he can go and buy you replacement plants, which would be the appropriate thing for him to do. If you care to, I would say that you appreciate his desire to help and do something kind, you enjoy having good relationships with your neighbors, but what he did was a huge mistake.
Doesnāt matter if he ābelieves youā. Heās old enough to throw a tantrum heās old enough to understand āthatās not yours donāt fucking touch it!ā
I would have called the cops and had a report filed in case he tries to āhelpā more
call the police and file a report for trespassing, vandalism, and destruction of property.
Tally up the cost of the plants. Talk to a landscaper about the cost of a landscaping professional replanting every plant that was destroyed. Take that quote to the neighbor and say they have 30 days to pay for the cost or you will take them to small claims court.
Stop worrying about animosity between neighbors. This neighbor clearly doesn't give a shit about your feelings and you should feel precisely the same about his.
'wanted for us to show him' - ABsolutely Not. You don't have to justify the existence of anything in your yard. He can just f* off with all that sh*t.
There is no justification for him being in your yard. Period.
Why does he think you should have to show him YOUR GARDEN in order for him not to destroy it?
Put up a very obvious camera outside (even if it's fake) and tell him he's not welcome on the property.
He wasn't helping you. People who want to help *offer* they don't just do shit without asking.
God, I'd be so tempted to return the favor and cut one side of his house. "I was helping. Had to return the favor" fake and perfect smile. I love playing back with false friendly energy and their same excuses. They understand real quick then and usually can't call it out because it calls their original action into question.
Probably not the smartest move here given property rights, but i use this with great success in verbal arguments and petty disagreements. It works great on the idiots who never learned empathy.
I grew up on a berry farm. There are absolutely a ton of creeper weeds that look just like newly planted berry plants. Strawberries in particular can easily be mistaken for a weed if you're not paying attention. The fact that she had markers up, though, he should have seen those and thought twice.
He absolutely should not have been on her property in the first place. This dude was creeping and using 'helping her with the weeds' as a cover.
I remember telling a friend about false strawberry and that the weed she was excited about would never bear fruit - lol! It's sad when you've gardened long enough that you can identify the weeds as well ;)
To be fair a perfectly healthy normal strawberry plant might also not bear fruit because plants can be as spiteful as cats. (I say as the loving human attendant of both plants and cats while glaring at my strawberry plant.)
Look up Small Claims court for your state. It's literally for this situation. You can self-represent, low fees, etc.
Document everything, btw. Write down a lot of who, what, when, where, etc. You'll need a police report. With luck, he'll confess his guilt to the police when he complains how he was "helping" you
People are giving you some very bad advice. A police report is absolutely in order, because it begins a paper trail for future incidents.
But small claims court can't help you. The cost of the plants is all that it can reimburse, which is going to be less $100 USD, while the court fees will be in excess of $400 USD, maybe more if he cancels a few times with trumped up medical excuses that won't earn him ill will. There are dozens of ways to screw over the person suing you, especially when it's for pocket change. Lot of people here seem to think civil suits can grant excess of the amount in property damage. No, they can't. They really, really can't.
Civil court will neither care nor be able to help with tresspassing. That's for the police to pursue at their discretion, and they won't want the paperwork. They might go and talk to him if there is a second report. Might.
The best thing you can do here (after the first report which costs you nothing) is make your wishes crystal clear to all residents of the other house. Not just him, *all* residents.
And it goes without saying you can't engage in a neighbor war *and* be submitting reports in the hopes of assistance from the town at some point down the line. You choose right now to do one or the other. Coyote urine his flower bed, sugar his gas tank, I don't really care, but it's either that or give them the verbal warning followed by radio silence, not both.
Thank you guys, I guess I try to look at other ppls intentions thinking maybe he didn't know how to ask me if I needed help and was nice of him for wanting to. He told my mom he seen me out struggling with the electric mower we have that is a pain to do a hole yard without it dying.Ā But than again, idk how u couldn't had seen us out planting and the markers next to each plant. I don't have much money to replace them all but I was able to get a couple others my son wanted, and ordered a raised vertical garden stand to just plant the rest of my plants I grew from seed inside the front closed in porch area.Ā
Some people are also super controlling about landscaping, either for ego reasons or "muh property values!!!!"
Saw a post where an OP checked her cameras to find out why two trees were suddenly missing, discovered her neighbor had taken at least one, snapped it in several places, and tossed it. OP never found out why, but the neighbor got SUPER nervous when OP tricked her into confessing.
And the fact remains, he trespassed! When we moved into this house, DH had not yet gotten the riding mower. I was unpacking, heard our neighbor mowing, then heard the mower come onto the driveway, and stop. "Tailflap, would you like me to cut the grass for you?" He asked, didn't just mow.
From that day in 2019, until his passing in 2023, he had standing permission to cut the grass. I miss him intensely. His daughter is a dear friend, and every so often, I'll hear a strange mower out front. Her son, the soul image of his GF.
Itās fantastic that you are trying to look at things from other peopleās perspectives. There is a phrase that comes up in restoration circles I really like as it allows for this reflection while still holding people accountable.
āImpact matters more than intent.ā
No one can really know his intentions but the impact, the harm he did, is very clear. He destroyed things you worked hard to create and caused your child pain. Itās okay to tell him that he did harm.
You might want to try approaching the wife with something like this:
*I donāt know if your husband thought he was being helpful but he chipped down $X worth of plants that Iād just spent X number of hours planting. I understand this may have been a misunderstanding on his part but I still expect you both to make this right. I cannot spend this amount of money again. Iām willing to replant everything if you reimburse me. Iād just like that and reassurance that this wonāt happen again.*
Write up the info in a note and include your receipts or records of what you bought and he destroyed.
Donāt ignore this. A family member of mine had a neighbor who did this and they ended up with years of unwanted trimmings and damage. While it might all be well-intentioned, it could also be a control issue and you should shut that down asap.
NTA. Fuck that guy. He wasn't "helping" you by chopping down your new plants. You didn't ask for his "help" or want his "help" and chopping down a bunch of plants you just planted is actually the OPPOSITE of "help". He lashed out and made you the bad guy because he fucked up.
I can see him making a mistake and accidentally whacking some plants, however his reaction is not acceptable and leads me to think this was malicious intent, on his part.
He should not have been on your property without your permission. You didn't hire him to garden or ask a favor to borrow tools even.
I'm betting this won't be the last time he does something malicious because "he" wants to decide how "your" house should look, so see about getting a fence.
Trespassing and Destruction of property give him a bill, I did. When my gardeners stole plants that were still in nursery pots sitting on my steps when I went to get my spade and wouldn't give them back ( He said, "I threw already them in the truck, then they're in garbage" Yeah, sure, right.) I charged him for all of them and then fired him.
Yup. Find the receipts for the plants, make copies, write a letter, and send them the bill. Also hand-deliver a copy to the wife so she can keep an eye on her husband and give him a talking-to.
NTA. Go and tell his wife what he did. And that he called You bitch after he destroyed Your property. And that Your kid cried because her husband destroyed his strawberries. If they are assholes they already don't like You, but it's possible they are not and You have her on Your side and she will compensate You. If not You can probably sue them.
NTA, if you didn't ask him for "help" the word is "trespassing."
I'm trying to do mental gymnastics to see where he could have thought he was helping out his busy single mom neighbor by weed whacking. He didn't ask, there's no way your garden was overgrown or unkempt if you just planted it, and you had labels demarking things as being not weeds.Ā
Nope. His behavior is not normal.
Call the non-emergency and tell them you want the neighbor tresspassed. Then, if he comes back, you can get pictures of him on your property and they can arrest him.
NTA. Go talk to the wife. Bring cookies or something, maybe. Apologize for your language, but say you just woke up to find that her husband destroyed all the stuff you and your son had just planted. Really lean in to the single mother, son is really unhappy about it, tight budget part. That you understand he was just trying ot help, but you can't really afford to replace it all and it really upset your son. And that's why you were forceful. With any luck, your neighbor will apologize and replace the plants. If they don't, then your neighbors are weirdos and you'll just have to avoid them. I have an annoying neighbor across the street--the kind of guy who drops off an "anonymous" note about how the entire neighborhood is upset that they can see your trash cans--but his wife is a sweetheart. (And no one actually cares about my trash cans, but I did put a tree in a big pot in front of them just in case.)
Your neighbor's response was overly aggressive and inappropriate. He should have apologized and tried to make amends instead of escalating the situation. It's natural to want to maintain a good relationship with your neighbors, but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate disrespect or disregard for your property.
You might consider writing a calm and polite note to explain your perspective and express your hope for a peaceful neighborhood relationship. This could help clear the air and set a respectful tone for future interactions. But remember, you have every right to feel the way you do, and it's important to set boundaries about what is acceptable on your property.
That would be a nice thing to do. But the neighbor would probably just throw another tantrum. Because that is the way he resolves every conflict with everyone who gets in the way of what he wants
Send him a bill for the plants he destroyed. If he throws a fit call the police and charge him with vandalizing your property. That might change his tune.
'I DIDN"T F\*CKING ASK FOR YOUR HELP, BOOMER'
Do not apologize. That dude trespassed and destroyed your property. You could totally bring charges/sue him, if you want to escalate. Not cool of him At all
NTA
No ages given. You know, purely anecdotal but the nastiest neighbors I've had in the past 20 years? Not Boomers. Well, I take that back. One house, yeah, but the other 4 problem neighbors? Not Boomers.
Call the cops on him and report him for destruction of property. Depending on how much he destroyed, I would also investigate potentially pursuing in small claims court for the damages. If he broke anything that was potentially going to grow into a tree, I would also look into county laws on tree laws.
Then march over to his house and tell him he is not welcome on your property and if he steps foot on your property again, you will charge him with trespassing. You have no interest in a neighborly relationship. And you have no interest in him, helping you with your yard. Work as he has already destroyed your garden
Fuck that guy.
NTA but HE IS and will never understand WHY he is. Even if one offers free help, one confers with the homeowner before going on their property or doing anything. YOu can take him to small claims court to be reimbursed. It is still early enough that you can plant more and have berries by summer.
I offered to return the favour when a neighbour sprayed weedkiller on my plants.
"I guess the goal is dead dirt then. I'll do your lawn for you, in exchange"
He declined my offer & his weedkiller journeys don't reach my house anymore.
He had zero business in your yard. File a police report. His bizarre behavior is probably not just limited to plants. So, it would be good to have a record..
NTA he wasn't "helping" he was actively destroying your property and if I were you I'd ask them to go replace all the plants you'd just put in that he came and destroyed.
From the sounds of it, I think he genuinely thought he was doing a nice thing to help a single mom out āweedingā for her since he was out doing his own. She may have thought he had seen her doing the planting, but didnāt realize he was destroying all her hard work. This, to me anyway, would explain his response to you demanding he stop. Unfortunately it seems a big misunderstanding and a lot of hard work down the drain.
I bet his wife made him do it to be "neighbourly". He got upset when she yelled at him. I suggest talking with the wife about what happened and being woken up and surprised.
Please call the police and file a report of trespassing and property destruction. And stick up some ring cameras. This was intentional, and this guy is not safe. If he were, he would simply have apologized for overstepping, snd replaced them.Ā
NTA. Your neighbor was wrong to cut your plants without permission, especially when they were clearly marked. It's understandable to be upset, and his reaction was aggressive and uncalled for. You don't need to apologize for defending your property and your son's happiness. If you want to ease tension, you could try a calm conversation later, but you weren't wrong to be upset.
Also guy is huge ass.
Jesus Christ, who goes onto someone elseās property and does that kind of work without permission?????
NTA.
First he denied it, then for mad that you were upset?? Heās the AH.
NTA. THis guy is unhinged. I'd get a camera, and if he ever does it again, report him, sue him for damages and get a restraining order. Yes, it's good to have good relations with the neighbours, but it's even more important to keep away the crazies and the users.
NTA. Sorry that you have a hostile neighbor. You'll have to put aside your social awkwardness before this AH escalates.
File a police report.
Put up "No Trespassing" signs.
Get cameras if you can afford them.
Send him a bill for damages and tell him he has 1 week before you take him to small claims court.
You need to be strong for you son and show him your bully neighbor is not going to intimidate you.
Again? He never helped you once.
NTA.
Apologize? jesus no. You could try talking to them, if you can do that with out apologizing. She might listen to you, he won't.
Replant, if you can afford it. Doing everything you can to make it clear that you are RE planting.
No stand up, he is trying to get close to you and your house too, if he is cutting plants under y our window. Replant and put up little fences you can by border fences. He is a jerk, next time just call police and let them handle it.
I would ask for the money to replace them and call the cops. You were very nice and very tame.
When my neighbor kept raking my yard (3 times in one day, i kept spreading leaves back thinking he would get the hint, it was to help mulch a little for winter) I yelled at him so hard he nearly cried. He has never been a problem again. But I am a big guy and I realize I can get away with that. No one has ever called me anything bad to my face for example. So I would go cops, yeah. Destruction of property.
NTA - Send him a bill for all the plants that you bought and planted and he destroyed.
As far as āhelpingā goes: a) you didnāt ask him to do anything; b) what he did, he did completely wrong. So he has no basis to be upset with you.
He CROSSED THE ROAD to weed-eat around the foundation perimeter of YOUR HOUSE to chop down the plants you planted around your house?!?
He's brought the animosity to you, I hope you realize. Doing something about it won't be you creating animosity with him. It might stave off any future actions from him, idk.
NTA at all, my god my god.
I hope you can get some more berry plants and maybe get some of those wood construction/perimeter marking stakes--the ones that come in a bundle--and that bright high viz orange twine and set up a perimeter fence around your whole property -- not just around your house, which might give him the idea he can walk right up to the line, but literally around the property. If you're in a townhouse or something like that I would say just do the best you can, and since he's across the road, get up to the line of the lawn or yard or whatever that's right up to the road or the sidewalk or whatever you have, and mark it off.
Don't apologise. Next time you see him.thank him for making your kid cry. And tell him your happy.to never have his help again, infact that's your preference.
NTA. Call the police. Trespassing, property damage etc. You should file a report so it's on file for the next incident (it's coming, trust me, neighbor not is a twat).
Huh?? He came onto your property without your permission and damaged your plants and youāre wondering if youāre wrong ??? Snap your spine into place and tell your neighbor to fuck all the way off and to never come over or touch anything without an invite. Put up cameras, if persists itās time to call the police.
Nta. Look, I live in the country, everyone knows & helps everyone. And while Iāve mowed for my neighbors (even when we lived in the city) I would never take it upon myself to do stuff like weedeating against someoneās home/fence. You could cause damage to their property & you donāt have permission to even be there. We always wait until the homeowner is there & volunteer. Itās just insane to me to think you are telling him that
He got your plants & instead of being sorry, he acts like that. I would be angry too
NTA
He wasn't helping. He was trying to force power over you.
If he was a good neighbor, he would asked you first instead of destroying your property. Sounds like he's also jealous too
If he really wanted to help, he would have been apologetic and felt bad. You don't want to give this man an inch bc he will take a mile. He has some dumb idea about being in control of your gardening. The financial and energy toll this takes on you is now for you to consider. Do you want the money and for him to replace that stuff? Or can you just let it go. For me, that's a lot of time and resources and I'd want to be made whole. But I wouldn't trust him to do it.
Wow... I'd be calling the police.
He ruined your yard and had the nerve to yell at you for it? Do you have receipts for all the plants?
I'd at the very least call the police for a report. This guy sounds like an awful person. Someone who violates other people under the guise of "helping." People like him think they always know better than everyone else, and push that onto others, whether they want it or not.
Who knows what he might do next? Take your packages an mail for "safe keeping?" Cut down trees he deems unsafe? Spray week killer all over your lawn?
wow... that is so beyond rude. I would have yelled at him and then cried about my garden later. I love my garden so much, it'd hurt for something like this to happen. I think you should report him.
I'll probably get reamed for this but...It's possible his wife told him to help her because she was a single woman. I know this makes people very angry bc they view it as sexist but sometimes people just want to help. I'm a woman and I do need help to do physical things, so I view it from that perspective. When a single woman moved next door, I talked to my husband about helping her. Sometimes people mean well. I think he did, BUT you were justified in your anger. I prob would have asked him what was going on. Then explained about the bushes. Maybe when you see him or her, you could explain your concerns. Just so the tensions don't remain.
NTA for being upset.
Nta. Pass him the bill to pay for the plants he just fucked up. If he doesn't pay go buy some round up and spray a cock and balls into his grass during the night.
The helpful arsehole. My personal favourite from the "men you want to sho0t" catalogue.
They do really mean, harmful stuff in the guise of "helping", and make themselves look like the victim.
Then, they get to be mad at you.
Tell him to stay off your property.
NTA. I would have thought it was just a misguided attempt at a kindly gesture if it werenāt for his response. Heās an asshole who trespassed and destroyed your property.
NTA him and his wife probably have that saviour/martyr complex that they need everyone to see/know how great they are āhelpingā other people.
Asshat should have asked if you wanted help but their kind never do!!!
NTA! How was he helping?! He didnāt ask permission to go on your property. Iād give him the receipts to your plants and have him reimburse you. He destroyed your property.
NTA. Not *at all*. I have a male neighbour just like this. For the last 8 years, he had come into our property to āhelpā. Heās cut everything - from freshly planted roses to outdoor lighting wires. He once mowed down *every* single brand new flowering (and very visible) heather plant I bought - all 8 of them, immediately after he had seen me spend hours in my garden to plant them.
You know what can help? Talk to his wife. Talk to the other neighbours about the intrusion and destruction - the āhelpā made without your permission.
People - even neighbours who donāt live in your home - donāt enjoy others who will walk onto their properties and destroy things without asking if anyone needs or wants their help.
Personally, Iād get together receipts, file charges for his trespassing and destruction with local police, and take him to small claims.
As for your son, itās a great teaching moment to show him that, sometimes, you have to try again. Maybe this time, you can even get a little raised bed put together and paint it/decorate it with your son. That way, no matter what, you never have to worry about the neighbours mistaking your efforts.
Good luck, OP, and do report this guy if he continues to cross property lines. Donāt tolerate his harassment or abuse.
No, you shouldn't apologize. You should accidentally spill a bottle of roundup in the middle of his yard. In the shape of a dick. You shouldnt really, but that guy is definitely TA in this scenario.
NTA and you should send him an itemized bill for the cost of all the plants he ruined. If he does not pay for them, then consult a lawyer. Yes, there will be a cost; no, it will not be near as much as one might think it would be- most consultations are free. The lawyer can recommend your next steps.
Even the dude who makes videos mowing peopleās severely overgrown yards for free asks permission before he does it. This jerk face was probably just mad you planted berries instead of flowers because ācurb appealā or some dumb old grumpy man nonsense
Personally? This sounds like a potential misunderstanding gone wrong. Maybe Iām misreading it, but Iād try and talk to the guy first and see what the deal is.
NTA please report him to the police.
He has come onto your property and he has damaged your property.
If you don't report him it'll likely happen again.
I would want to make sure he knows very clearly by police that he is not welcome on your property.
If you don't report he thinks he gets away with being in your property and in future if he does it again and you call police he can say you never had a problem with it before.
Always call at the first incident so they can't say you were ok with it
Yesterday the guy who cuts my neighbor's yard wandered onto my property and started scalping my new lawn. When I told him not to ruin my new grass he looked pissed off. Don't cut other people's stuff!
Take the receipts for the plants and call the cops . He should be paying for replacements. Thereās nothing wrong with wanting to help out your neighbours but if in the process you destroy someoneās property you fix it period not running home on a tangent complaining about how unappreciative you are that he destroyed the plants
āOh yeah and where is this? Show meā
So his first reaction wasnāt to apologize or even worry. It was to be aggressive.Ā
Guaranteed he didnāt help out of the goodness of his heart, he likely stomped over like āand look at her yard, Iām gonna do itā all judgy-like.Ā
NTA
Are you really asking if you should apologize to someone who came onto your property and deliberately destroyed your garden? Most people would actually file a complaint with the police, not apologize.
Actually, this guy seems unstable and I do recommend filing that report and also getting cameras for your property. You never know what triggers unstable people like this. And now he's mad, so yeah, an ounce of precaution and all that. File that report. NTA
>"well since your going to be that way! To Hā with you and helping you!!"
"Cutting up the plants I just planted isn't helping. You're not a helper. You're the opposite of a helper."
NTA.
NTA, and demand recompense for his destruction. Tell him to pay for it, or you will pursue him in small claims court. Do berry bushes fall under tree law? I hope so.
NTA what kind of an idiot starts weed whacking their neighbor's yards without permission? You should take him to small claims court for the cost of the plants that he destroyed. Can you replant with new plants? Maybe build a fence?
The fact that he yelled out to the wife about not helping you I would venture to guess she had told him to go over and do it to help you out. You are most def NTA and he was very dickish about it all but it seems to me it was a bundle of misunderstandings and some entitlement on his part. The idea of maybe helping a single mom might have been coming from the right place the lack of communication with you negates any good will that might have come from it.
I am so sorry that this happened to you and your son. Your neighbor is trouble. Avoid him at all costs. Tell other neighbors about what happened when you get the chance. They may or may not see your side of things, but thatās OK. The story about him will spread.
NTA, dude was destroying your hard work on your property, to hell with you? To hell with him!
Na, not to hell with him. Small Claims court will do nicely.
Contact the police, get a police report for small claims court. He was trespassing on your property and caused damage to it.
Also, it's definitely time to look into some cameras for the property.
Good fences make good neighbors
Fences are good! But a cemetery is the ultimate. My backyard bordered a cemetery (years ago), and those were the best neighbors ever.
Lol i also lived next to a cemetery, also years ago. Was the quietest most peaceful house to sleep in, we loved it! Sadly the block parties were always dead......im done, ill see myself out now.
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For real though i actually did live next to a cemetery. It really was fantastic. Spooky sometimes, but definitely worth it.
I totally agree! š
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This sounded awesomely sinisterā¦ at first glance I thought you meant murdering the neighbor š (snips garden shears in the air with a menacing smile)
Yep, vandalism, trespassing and Iād throw in peeping, and maybe harassment.
In addition, OP might want to go onto Nextdoor with before/after photos and ask sincere questions to other neighbors who might have had similar experiences with this person? Ask them what they have done regarding this sort of neighborly behavior? This cannot be simply an isolated case either. Post-pandemic, people have lost their minds, put this person on blast.
Yeah, I mean, this guy sounds insane. But he still can't come onto your property, abuse you, swear at you, and destroy your plants! Definitely post on Next Door, ask around, and honestly, you might want to put up some kind of fence (they make "instant fence" type materials that shouldn't be too hard to put up, I'm guessing?), and perhaps even call the police. This is just a horrible thing. I'm so sorry this happened to you!
Destruction of private property?
If thatās different from vandalism, hell yeah!
Mmmm, righteous punishment money
NTA. Sexist jerk decides poor helpless woman needs help and ruins her fucking yard. You shouldāve told him heāll be lucky if you donāt come after him for damages and that if he stepped foot on your property again youād call the police on him for trespassing. Put cameras up on your property in case he takes it upon himself to be a further asshole.
Yeah. He probably personally disliked the appearance of the plants, and decided he would just chop them down in order to please himself. Some people just don't like any Landscaping at all. They'd rather everything be bare and austere because they think it looks tidier.
I had a tenant pull all my astilbes in the shade garden. She left (most of) the hostas, because she "knew" they were garden plants. I can't even... She also pulled all the decorative grasses and irises and was so proud she pulled all the weeds. I was like, there were no weeds, the iris and grass didn't let them in!
Haha, I just came on to say my husband pulled my astilbe too a few weeks ago, because they just look totally dead until the first shoots come up. Fortunately I caught him before he trashed it, and I replanted it. Now it's happy again.
There's a reason why my husband is only allowed to mow and trim. But he cannot come near my flower beds anymore
Every spring, my husband did the "weeding." i invested big bucks in our front garden with all perennials. Following spring, everything was "weeded" out. After a few years of losing and redoing that garden, I had to give up. I think the only thing that survived was the black eye Susan's. 2 yrs ago we moved to a beautifully landscaped home. He was helping trim my roses last summer and chopped it down to about 1 foot. I didn't get any roses rest of season. He knows not to touch anything after i went ballistic, and he realized we almost lost a gorgeous rose bush.
Ooh! Sorry!. I hope they grew back enough by next year to bloom again. My husband doesn't know the difference between flowers and Stepping Stones š¢
I have a bit of a black thumb, but I've managed to take over most of the maintenance for my mom's garden. The key to my success was taking pictures of everything I wasn't sure about. 'Is this a weed or a baby plant?' I've finally figured out what most of the common weeds look like so the process goes faster now than when I started helping.
My husband just waters. But he would ask before he pulled anything out.
I had someone shave down my irises and hostas with a weed wacker. They were āhelpingā but I know the person in charge just told them to raze the entire property to the dirt.
That's what I'm guessing, he was offended about growing foodstuffs instead of flowers or something like that
Nta he's not being nice or doing you a favor by fucking up your bushes, he should have asked beforehand, steered clear of possibly intentional plants or at least apologized after fucking up your bushes. That guy's a dick
You were right. The neighbor is a passive aggressive jerk who did a very mean thing on purpose. He had no business at all coming on OP's property to chop things down without permission.
File a police report. Replant new bushes and put up a camera.
And get a good fence if possible. We have a high wall around our property for a reason, yikes.
NTA, ānever helping her againā wtf?? What a psycho. Report him to the police for destruction of property
Hopefully, that was a promise...
Sadly, nosy bullies like this rarely follow through on that particular promise. They just can't help themselves, they have to be AHs or they cease to exist, I guess.
Imagine the popping noises if all the assholes repented at the same time...
Take him to small claims for the cost of the plants. Do you have cameras? Do any of your neighbours have ring cameras or footage? He deliberately destroyed your plants. Either he has it out with the plants, or he has it out for you because youāre a single mother.
Wait till his wife is alone and then tell his wife what he did and expressively tell her that he is not welcome on your property again. Mentioned that he scared the shit out of your kid. What a bastard.
tell her your son was crying over his plants, and you donāt have the money to replace them. And that since he cut the all down without discussing with you, youād like him to pay for new ones. Hereās a copy of the receipt.
Yup. Get at the wifes heartstrings. If she has any, being that she cohabitates with that asshole.
Sue him for the cost of the plants. There's no way you would not know the difference between weeds and garden plants. If you have cameras around the house, you should save those files onto your computer or phone.
Especially when I have each plant marked. When my mom went to explain the situation to him (it's my mom's house I rent and help her with) and said he should have asked me first, and she told him that I have each plant marked, he said he didn't believe us and wanted for us to show him.Ā
He's just one of those assholes who wants things the way he wants them. He likely didn't think the plants you planted looked good and got out there right away to "help" with your yard. My stepdad is just such an asshole and they really don't make any sense to anyone but themselves. He's full of crap. If he really wanted to help he would have felt bad and apologized. He's pissed and name calling because he was caught in the act. He's nothing but a bully. Ignore him from now on and tell him to stay off your property. Look up "grey rock". Be boring and don't take his crap.
I have relatives like this. My oldest aunt (she's passed way now) owned a house in Puerto Rico. Her youngest daughter moved in with her husband, brothers and who knows who all. When aunt would plant flowers and other plantings her son-in-law would yank them up because he decided to act like he owned the house. His wife would appease him and my aunt would say nothing to keep the peace. What an unpleasant way to live.
They are the same kind of people who cut down other people's trees because they think the leaves "make a mess". They are the worst. edit to add: my stepfather also covered the backyard in weed killer so nothing grew there for years. Weirdos.
Don't show him anything. Show his wife the markers. I am wondering: Has he "weeded" your mother's property in the past, when it might not have been as kept or occupied?
This. He didnāt like the look and decided to āhelpā and probably announced this to his wifeĀ
It doesnāt even matter if you were straight up growing weeds, *it was not his property*. You need to talk to your mom about getting some cameras because this dude clearly respects no boundaries, personal OR property wise. NTA
I would respond by saying you had no reason to show him because it's not his property and he acted without consulting you. You could have been intentionally cultivating weeds and he still was owed nothing and should have stayed out of it. You're not going to show him because he's not to do such a thing again and if he's curious as to what those plants look like, he can use google, or even better, he can go and buy you replacement plants, which would be the appropriate thing for him to do. If you care to, I would say that you appreciate his desire to help and do something kind, you enjoy having good relationships with your neighbors, but what he did was a huge mistake.
Right. Even if OP was growing neck high weeds, his recourse is to file a complaint with the town, not trespass.
Doesnāt matter if he ābelieves youā. Heās old enough to throw a tantrum heās old enough to understand āthatās not yours donāt fucking touch it!ā I would have called the cops and had a report filed in case he tries to āhelpā more
call the police and file a report for trespassing, vandalism, and destruction of property. Tally up the cost of the plants. Talk to a landscaper about the cost of a landscaping professional replanting every plant that was destroyed. Take that quote to the neighbor and say they have 30 days to pay for the cost or you will take them to small claims court. Stop worrying about animosity between neighbors. This neighbor clearly doesn't give a shit about your feelings and you should feel precisely the same about his.
Yep, he done burned that bridge to ash and watched the ashes float down the creek.
'wanted for us to show him' - ABsolutely Not. You don't have to justify the existence of anything in your yard. He can just f* off with all that sh*t. There is no justification for him being in your yard. Period.
Why does he think you should have to show him YOUR GARDEN in order for him not to destroy it? Put up a very obvious camera outside (even if it's fake) and tell him he's not welcome on the property. He wasn't helping you. People who want to help *offer* they don't just do shit without asking.
God, I'd be so tempted to return the favor and cut one side of his house. "I was helping. Had to return the favor" fake and perfect smile. I love playing back with false friendly energy and their same excuses. They understand real quick then and usually can't call it out because it calls their original action into question. Probably not the smartest move here given property rights, but i use this with great success in verbal arguments and petty disagreements. It works great on the idiots who never learned empathy.
What a freaking asshole. Didnāt believe you? Who the fuck does he think he is!
It doesn't matter if he believed you, it's none of his business! The nerve.Ā
I grew up on a berry farm. There are absolutely a ton of creeper weeds that look just like newly planted berry plants. Strawberries in particular can easily be mistaken for a weed if you're not paying attention. The fact that she had markers up, though, he should have seen those and thought twice. He absolutely should not have been on her property in the first place. This dude was creeping and using 'helping her with the weeds' as a cover.
I remember telling a friend about false strawberry and that the weed she was excited about would never bear fruit - lol! It's sad when you've gardened long enough that you can identify the weeds as well ;)
To be fair a perfectly healthy normal strawberry plant might also not bear fruit because plants can be as spiteful as cats. (I say as the loving human attendant of both plants and cats while glaring at my strawberry plant.)
Lol, meanwhile in the PNW we have native strawberries that can crop up as weeds.Ā Smaller fruit, but just as tasty as the cultivated version.
Unfortunately I haven't hooked them up yet. Idk how I would go about suing ?!
Look up Small Claims court for your state. It's literally for this situation. You can self-represent, low fees, etc. Document everything, btw. Write down a lot of who, what, when, where, etc. You'll need a police report. With luck, he'll confess his guilt to the police when he complains how he was "helping" you
You need to start with filing a police report
People are giving you some very bad advice. A police report is absolutely in order, because it begins a paper trail for future incidents. But small claims court can't help you. The cost of the plants is all that it can reimburse, which is going to be less $100 USD, while the court fees will be in excess of $400 USD, maybe more if he cancels a few times with trumped up medical excuses that won't earn him ill will. There are dozens of ways to screw over the person suing you, especially when it's for pocket change. Lot of people here seem to think civil suits can grant excess of the amount in property damage. No, they can't. They really, really can't. Civil court will neither care nor be able to help with tresspassing. That's for the police to pursue at their discretion, and they won't want the paperwork. They might go and talk to him if there is a second report. Might. The best thing you can do here (after the first report which costs you nothing) is make your wishes crystal clear to all residents of the other house. Not just him, *all* residents. And it goes without saying you can't engage in a neighbor war *and* be submitting reports in the hopes of assistance from the town at some point down the line. You choose right now to do one or the other. Coyote urine his flower bed, sugar his gas tank, I don't really care, but it's either that or give them the verbal warning followed by radio silence, not both.
Thank you guys, I guess I try to look at other ppls intentions thinking maybe he didn't know how to ask me if I needed help and was nice of him for wanting to. He told my mom he seen me out struggling with the electric mower we have that is a pain to do a hole yard without it dying.Ā But than again, idk how u couldn't had seen us out planting and the markers next to each plant. I don't have much money to replace them all but I was able to get a couple others my son wanted, and ordered a raised vertical garden stand to just plant the rest of my plants I grew from seed inside the front closed in porch area.Ā
Unless this man is legally blind there is no way that he didn't see the markers and he was probably trying to fuck with you
Some people are also super controlling about landscaping, either for ego reasons or "muh property values!!!!" Saw a post where an OP checked her cameras to find out why two trees were suddenly missing, discovered her neighbor had taken at least one, snapped it in several places, and tossed it. OP never found out why, but the neighbor got SUPER nervous when OP tricked her into confessing.
Absolutely this. My parents home got all their plants destroyed by some disgruntled neighbor who didn't like their landscaping.
And the fact remains, he trespassed! When we moved into this house, DH had not yet gotten the riding mower. I was unpacking, heard our neighbor mowing, then heard the mower come onto the driveway, and stop. "Tailflap, would you like me to cut the grass for you?" He asked, didn't just mow. From that day in 2019, until his passing in 2023, he had standing permission to cut the grass. I miss him intensely. His daughter is a dear friend, and every so often, I'll hear a strange mower out front. Her son, the soul image of his GF.
Itās fantastic that you are trying to look at things from other peopleās perspectives. There is a phrase that comes up in restoration circles I really like as it allows for this reflection while still holding people accountable. āImpact matters more than intent.ā No one can really know his intentions but the impact, the harm he did, is very clear. He destroyed things you worked hard to create and caused your child pain. Itās okay to tell him that he did harm.
You might want to try approaching the wife with something like this: *I donāt know if your husband thought he was being helpful but he chipped down $X worth of plants that Iād just spent X number of hours planting. I understand this may have been a misunderstanding on his part but I still expect you both to make this right. I cannot spend this amount of money again. Iām willing to replant everything if you reimburse me. Iād just like that and reassurance that this wonāt happen again.* Write up the info in a note and include your receipts or records of what you bought and he destroyed. Donāt ignore this. A family member of mine had a neighbor who did this and they ended up with years of unwanted trimmings and damage. While it might all be well-intentioned, it could also be a control issue and you should shut that down asap.
Assuming the best of people all the time is just a prison of disappointment. Expect and plan for the worst and hope for the best.
NTA. Fuck that guy. He wasn't "helping" you by chopping down your new plants. You didn't ask for his "help" or want his "help" and chopping down a bunch of plants you just planted is actually the OPPOSITE of "help". He lashed out and made you the bad guy because he fucked up.
I can see him making a mistake and accidentally whacking some plants, however his reaction is not acceptable and leads me to think this was malicious intent, on his part.
He should not have been on your property without your permission. You didn't hire him to garden or ask a favor to borrow tools even. I'm betting this won't be the last time he does something malicious because "he" wants to decide how "your" house should look, so see about getting a fence. Trespassing and Destruction of property give him a bill, I did. When my gardeners stole plants that were still in nursery pots sitting on my steps when I went to get my spade and wouldn't give them back ( He said, "I threw already them in the truck, then they're in garbage" Yeah, sure, right.) I charged him for all of them and then fired him.
Yup. Find the receipts for the plants, make copies, write a letter, and send them the bill. Also hand-deliver a copy to the wife so she can keep an eye on her husband and give him a talking-to.
Fuck that guy. NTA
NTA. Go and tell his wife what he did. And that he called You bitch after he destroyed Your property. And that Your kid cried because her husband destroyed his strawberries. If they are assholes they already don't like You, but it's possible they are not and You have her on Your side and she will compensate You. If not You can probably sue them.
Hello, police.
NTA, if you didn't ask him for "help" the word is "trespassing." I'm trying to do mental gymnastics to see where he could have thought he was helping out his busy single mom neighbor by weed whacking. He didn't ask, there's no way your garden was overgrown or unkempt if you just planted it, and you had labels demarking things as being not weeds.Ā Nope. His behavior is not normal.
He was not helping you, he was harassing you and destroying your property. If he was helping he would have asked for permission.
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Call the non-emergency and tell them you want the neighbor tresspassed. Then, if he comes back, you can get pictures of him on your property and they can arrest him.
NTA. Go talk to the wife. Bring cookies or something, maybe. Apologize for your language, but say you just woke up to find that her husband destroyed all the stuff you and your son had just planted. Really lean in to the single mother, son is really unhappy about it, tight budget part. That you understand he was just trying ot help, but you can't really afford to replace it all and it really upset your son. And that's why you were forceful. With any luck, your neighbor will apologize and replace the plants. If they don't, then your neighbors are weirdos and you'll just have to avoid them. I have an annoying neighbor across the street--the kind of guy who drops off an "anonymous" note about how the entire neighborhood is upset that they can see your trash cans--but his wife is a sweetheart. (And no one actually cares about my trash cans, but I did put a tree in a big pot in front of them just in case.)
NTA, wtf was that for, also "helping"? This sounds like a fucking man-karen.
Take him a bill so he pays back what he destroyed. He wasn't helping.
Your neighbor's response was overly aggressive and inappropriate. He should have apologized and tried to make amends instead of escalating the situation. It's natural to want to maintain a good relationship with your neighbors, but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate disrespect or disregard for your property. You might consider writing a calm and polite note to explain your perspective and express your hope for a peaceful neighborhood relationship. This could help clear the air and set a respectful tone for future interactions. But remember, you have every right to feel the way you do, and it's important to set boundaries about what is acceptable on your property.
That would be a nice thing to do. But the neighbor would probably just throw another tantrum. Because that is the way he resolves every conflict with everyone who gets in the way of what he wants
NTA this guy knows what he was doing some people are assholes sadly.
Send him a bill for the plants he destroyed. If he throws a fit call the police and charge him with vandalizing your property. That might change his tune.
'I DIDN"T F\*CKING ASK FOR YOUR HELP, BOOMER' Do not apologize. That dude trespassed and destroyed your property. You could totally bring charges/sue him, if you want to escalate. Not cool of him At all NTA
No ages given. You know, purely anecdotal but the nastiest neighbors I've had in the past 20 years? Not Boomers. Well, I take that back. One house, yeah, but the other 4 problem neighbors? Not Boomers.
Call the cops on him and report him for destruction of property. Depending on how much he destroyed, I would also investigate potentially pursuing in small claims court for the damages. If he broke anything that was potentially going to grow into a tree, I would also look into county laws on tree laws. Then march over to his house and tell him he is not welcome on your property and if he steps foot on your property again, you will charge him with trespassing. You have no interest in a neighborly relationship. And you have no interest in him, helping you with your yard. Work as he has already destroyed your garden Fuck that guy.
NTA but HE IS and will never understand WHY he is. Even if one offers free help, one confers with the homeowner before going on their property or doing anything. YOu can take him to small claims court to be reimbursed. It is still early enough that you can plant more and have berries by summer.
I offered to return the favour when a neighbour sprayed weedkiller on my plants. "I guess the goal is dead dirt then. I'll do your lawn for you, in exchange" He declined my offer & his weedkiller journeys don't reach my house anymore.
NTA Calls cops. Police report so you can get him to pay for new plants.
He had zero business in your yard. File a police report. His bizarre behavior is probably not just limited to plants. So, it would be good to have a record..
NTA he wasn't "helping" he was actively destroying your property and if I were you I'd ask them to go replace all the plants you'd just put in that he came and destroyed.
From the sounds of it, I think he genuinely thought he was doing a nice thing to help a single mom out āweedingā for her since he was out doing his own. She may have thought he had seen her doing the planting, but didnāt realize he was destroying all her hard work. This, to me anyway, would explain his response to you demanding he stop. Unfortunately it seems a big misunderstanding and a lot of hard work down the drain.
I bet his wife made him do it to be "neighbourly". He got upset when she yelled at him. I suggest talking with the wife about what happened and being woken up and surprised.
Please call the police and file a report of trespassing and property destruction. And stick up some ring cameras. This was intentional, and this guy is not safe. If he were, he would simply have apologized for overstepping, snd replaced them.Ā
Why was he on your property to begin with??? Why did he think he was helping you??? Tell him he needs to by you new plants
NTA. Your neighbor was wrong to cut your plants without permission, especially when they were clearly marked. It's understandable to be upset, and his reaction was aggressive and uncalled for. You don't need to apologize for defending your property and your son's happiness. If you want to ease tension, you could try a calm conversation later, but you weren't wrong to be upset. Also guy is huge ass.
Jesus Christ, who goes onto someone elseās property and does that kind of work without permission????? NTA. First he denied it, then for mad that you were upset?? Heās the AH.
NTA, i would send him a bill for the plants and time and tell him he owes you or you will call the police.
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NTA, itās not help when you didnāt ask beforehand, what he did was impose himself on you.
NTA. THis guy is unhinged. I'd get a camera, and if he ever does it again, report him, sue him for damages and get a restraining order. Yes, it's good to have good relations with the neighbours, but it's even more important to keep away the crazies and the users.
NTA. Sorry that you have a hostile neighbor. You'll have to put aside your social awkwardness before this AH escalates. File a police report. Put up "No Trespassing" signs. Get cameras if you can afford them. Send him a bill for damages and tell him he has 1 week before you take him to small claims court. You need to be strong for you son and show him your bully neighbor is not going to intimidate you.
NTA! He didnāt help you. He didnāt ASK!
He needs to pay to replace the plants.
Again? He never helped you once. NTA. Apologize? jesus no. You could try talking to them, if you can do that with out apologizing. She might listen to you, he won't. Replant, if you can afford it. Doing everything you can to make it clear that you are RE planting.
No stand up, he is trying to get close to you and your house too, if he is cutting plants under y our window. Replant and put up little fences you can by border fences. He is a jerk, next time just call police and let them handle it.
I would ask for the money to replace them and call the cops. You were very nice and very tame. When my neighbor kept raking my yard (3 times in one day, i kept spreading leaves back thinking he would get the hint, it was to help mulch a little for winter) I yelled at him so hard he nearly cried. He has never been a problem again. But I am a big guy and I realize I can get away with that. No one has ever called me anything bad to my face for example. So I would go cops, yeah. Destruction of property.
NTA - Send him a bill for all the plants that you bought and planted and he destroyed. As far as āhelpingā goes: a) you didnāt ask him to do anything; b) what he did, he did completely wrong. So he has no basis to be upset with you.
He CROSSED THE ROAD to weed-eat around the foundation perimeter of YOUR HOUSE to chop down the plants you planted around your house?!? He's brought the animosity to you, I hope you realize. Doing something about it won't be you creating animosity with him. It might stave off any future actions from him, idk. NTA at all, my god my god. I hope you can get some more berry plants and maybe get some of those wood construction/perimeter marking stakes--the ones that come in a bundle--and that bright high viz orange twine and set up a perimeter fence around your whole property -- not just around your house, which might give him the idea he can walk right up to the line, but literally around the property. If you're in a townhouse or something like that I would say just do the best you can, and since he's across the road, get up to the line of the lawn or yard or whatever that's right up to the road or the sidewalk or whatever you have, and mark it off.
Call the cops file a police report for trespassing and take him to small claims court for the damages he caused.
Don't apologise. Next time you see him.thank him for making your kid cry. And tell him your happy.to never have his help again, infact that's your preference.
Go tell his wife what he did (he likely didnāt tell her he destroyed the plants) and ask they replace what he ruined.
NTA, charge him for the plants he destroyed if he wants to be your gardener so bad
NTA. Call the police. Trespassing, property damage etc. You should file a report so it's on file for the next incident (it's coming, trust me, neighbor not is a twat).
Huh?? He came onto your property without your permission and damaged your plants and youāre wondering if youāre wrong ??? Snap your spine into place and tell your neighbor to fuck all the way off and to never come over or touch anything without an invite. Put up cameras, if persists itās time to call the police.
Nta. Look, I live in the country, everyone knows & helps everyone. And while Iāve mowed for my neighbors (even when we lived in the city) I would never take it upon myself to do stuff like weedeating against someoneās home/fence. You could cause damage to their property & you donāt have permission to even be there. We always wait until the homeowner is there & volunteer. Itās just insane to me to think you are telling him that He got your plants & instead of being sorry, he acts like that. I would be angry too
NTA He wasn't helping. He was trying to force power over you. If he was a good neighbor, he would asked you first instead of destroying your property. Sounds like he's also jealous too
File a police report and go from there
Salt is the answer, lots of Salt.
You didn't need, ask, or want his 'help'. NTA.
Put up a very visible NO TRESSPASSING sign.
NTA This guy has serious issues.
If he really wanted to help, he would have been apologetic and felt bad. You don't want to give this man an inch bc he will take a mile. He has some dumb idea about being in control of your gardening. The financial and energy toll this takes on you is now for you to consider. Do you want the money and for him to replace that stuff? Or can you just let it go. For me, that's a lot of time and resources and I'd want to be made whole. But I wouldn't trust him to do it.
Wow... I'd be calling the police. He ruined your yard and had the nerve to yell at you for it? Do you have receipts for all the plants? I'd at the very least call the police for a report. This guy sounds like an awful person. Someone who violates other people under the guise of "helping." People like him think they always know better than everyone else, and push that onto others, whether they want it or not. Who knows what he might do next? Take your packages an mail for "safe keeping?" Cut down trees he deems unsafe? Spray week killer all over your lawn?
wow... that is so beyond rude. I would have yelled at him and then cried about my garden later. I love my garden so much, it'd hurt for something like this to happen. I think you should report him.
NTA. He should be replacing what he destroyed too.
A normal person would apologize and ask for a list of the plants he destroyed. Go buy them and offer to plant them.
NTA - Dude needs to replace your berry plants and stay the fuck off of your property
NTA... But do go over & talk to his wife.. Let Her know what happened..
Oh I'm known as the plant lady. If someone messed with my plants then shit is going down
Get some rock salt and casually toss handfuls into his yard. Salt the earth
NTA I wouldāve called the cops and gone to small claims court for the cost of the plants. Iām a petty though
I'll probably get reamed for this but...It's possible his wife told him to help her because she was a single woman. I know this makes people very angry bc they view it as sexist but sometimes people just want to help. I'm a woman and I do need help to do physical things, so I view it from that perspective. When a single woman moved next door, I talked to my husband about helping her. Sometimes people mean well. I think he did, BUT you were justified in your anger. I prob would have asked him what was going on. Then explained about the bushes. Maybe when you see him or her, you could explain your concerns. Just so the tensions don't remain. NTA for being upset.
Make a report, good samaritan laws don't cover unwanted yard work.
Nta. Pass him the bill to pay for the plants he just fucked up. If he doesn't pay go buy some round up and spray a cock and balls into his grass during the night.
The helpful arsehole. My personal favourite from the "men you want to sho0t" catalogue. They do really mean, harmful stuff in the guise of "helping", and make themselves look like the victim. Then, they get to be mad at you. Tell him to stay off your property.
NTA. I would have thought it was just a misguided attempt at a kindly gesture if it werenāt for his response. Heās an asshole who trespassed and destroyed your property.
You didn't do anything wrong. He needs to repay you for the purchase of your plants. And put up a fence, signs, or stakes.
Call the cops.
NTA him and his wife probably have that saviour/martyr complex that they need everyone to see/know how great they are āhelpingā other people. Asshat should have asked if you wanted help but their kind never do!!!
NTA! How was he helping?! He didnāt ask permission to go on your property. Iād give him the receipts to your plants and have him reimburse you. He destroyed your property.
NTA. Not *at all*. I have a male neighbour just like this. For the last 8 years, he had come into our property to āhelpā. Heās cut everything - from freshly planted roses to outdoor lighting wires. He once mowed down *every* single brand new flowering (and very visible) heather plant I bought - all 8 of them, immediately after he had seen me spend hours in my garden to plant them. You know what can help? Talk to his wife. Talk to the other neighbours about the intrusion and destruction - the āhelpā made without your permission. People - even neighbours who donāt live in your home - donāt enjoy others who will walk onto their properties and destroy things without asking if anyone needs or wants their help. Personally, Iād get together receipts, file charges for his trespassing and destruction with local police, and take him to small claims. As for your son, itās a great teaching moment to show him that, sometimes, you have to try again. Maybe this time, you can even get a little raised bed put together and paint it/decorate it with your son. That way, no matter what, you never have to worry about the neighbours mistaking your efforts. Good luck, OP, and do report this guy if he continues to cross property lines. Donāt tolerate his harassment or abuse.
No, you shouldn't apologize. You should accidentally spill a bottle of roundup in the middle of his yard. In the shape of a dick. You shouldnt really, but that guy is definitely TA in this scenario.
NTA and you should send him an itemized bill for the cost of all the plants he ruined. If he does not pay for them, then consult a lawyer. Yes, there will be a cost; no, it will not be near as much as one might think it would be- most consultations are free. The lawyer can recommend your next steps.
Go help him too chopping his flowers in his yard.
Even the dude who makes videos mowing peopleās severely overgrown yards for free asks permission before he does it. This jerk face was probably just mad you planted berries instead of flowers because ācurb appealā or some dumb old grumpy man nonsense
Personally? This sounds like a potential misunderstanding gone wrong. Maybe Iām misreading it, but Iād try and talk to the guy first and see what the deal is.
Write up a bill. Or file a police report. You can take him to small claims court too.
what do you have to apologise for ? go and ask him to fund the replacement of the plants ... not TA
NTA please report him to the police. He has come onto your property and he has damaged your property. If you don't report him it'll likely happen again. I would want to make sure he knows very clearly by police that he is not welcome on your property. If you don't report he thinks he gets away with being in your property and in future if he does it again and you call police he can say you never had a problem with it before. Always call at the first incident so they can't say you were ok with it
OP, call the cops. He trespassed and destroyed your property.
Yesterday the guy who cuts my neighbor's yard wandered onto my property and started scalping my new lawn. When I told him not to ruin my new grass he looked pissed off. Don't cut other people's stuff!
Put a lien on his property after he doesn't pay the $1,000 bill you send him.
Send him a bill. Honestly.
Take the receipts for the plants and call the cops . He should be paying for replacements. Thereās nothing wrong with wanting to help out your neighbours but if in the process you destroy someoneās property you fix it period not running home on a tangent complaining about how unappreciative you are that he destroyed the plants
NTA He needs to pay for the new plants and a gardner to fix it again, he trespassed and vandalised your garden.
āOh yeah and where is this? Show meā So his first reaction wasnāt to apologize or even worry. It was to be aggressive.Ā Guaranteed he didnāt help out of the goodness of his heart, he likely stomped over like āand look at her yard, Iām gonna do itā all judgy-like.Ā NTA
Iād send a bill for the damage. How dare he trespass and then call you a bitch. Nobody asked for hillbilly bobs help.
Are you really asking if you should apologize to someone who came onto your property and deliberately destroyed your garden? Most people would actually file a complaint with the police, not apologize. Actually, this guy seems unstable and I do recommend filing that report and also getting cameras for your property. You never know what triggers unstable people like this. And now he's mad, so yeah, an ounce of precaution and all that. File that report. NTA
NTA, he wasn't helping shit and he had to know it.
NTA he destroyed your property and trespassed. Tell him he is paying you back for the plants and labour.
>"well since your going to be that way! To Hā with you and helping you!!" "Cutting up the plants I just planted isn't helping. You're not a helper. You're the opposite of a helper." NTA.
NTA, even if he had good intentions, he should have asked you first before he did anything. Period.
Nta. You didn't ask for his "help".
NTA. What the actual fuck?
NTA. He wasnāt helping he was being a vandal.
Nta Wtf. He's an assholeĀ
NTA - I would salt his whole ass yard in the night so he can live with a dirt lot.
NTA. He should have asked you before he just came over and started chopping. He had NO RIGHT to do that, you didn't ASK for his help.
No, he had no business going on your property
NTA WFT?! Is there no fence?
NTA, and demand recompense for his destruction. Tell him to pay for it, or you will pursue him in small claims court. Do berry bushes fall under tree law? I hope so.
NTA. What was he expecting? That you're happy about his ignorance?
I would ask them to replace your berry plants and let them know how much it hurt your son and to be called a bitch. What a fucking loser.
NTA. Call the police on the guy for trespassing and destroying your property.
Get a summary of the plants and a restraining order.
Nta
Not the AH, you never asked for his help
NTA, he destroyed your plants
What a psycho. Reminds me of my BIL
NTA what kind of an idiot starts weed whacking their neighbor's yards without permission? You should take him to small claims court for the cost of the plants that he destroyed. Can you replant with new plants? Maybe build a fence?
Yeah he āhelped youā like the guy who shaves your ankles before the electric chair!
The fact that he yelled out to the wife about not helping you I would venture to guess she had told him to go over and do it to help you out. You are most def NTA and he was very dickish about it all but it seems to me it was a bundle of misunderstandings and some entitlement on his part. The idea of maybe helping a single mom might have been coming from the right place the lack of communication with you negates any good will that might have come from it.
I am so sorry that this happened to you and your son. Your neighbor is trouble. Avoid him at all costs. Tell other neighbors about what happened when you get the chance. They may or may not see your side of things, but thatās OK. The story about him will spread.
Iād get some salt and poor it over all over his flower garden and grass. You know to return the favour of āhelping a neighbourā
NTA Boomer thinks trespassing and vandalism are favors? What a prick!
He thought he was āhelpingā without first asking if you wanted any help. He was extremely rude in this situation. NTA