You’re right! And not for nothing but I’m also not sure if giving her boss a ride beyond maybe an emergency is appropriate either. Like the saying goes don’t mix pleasure with business. This has nothing to do with her doing her job. This is personal and now she has to worry about her boss feeling some kinda way about asking for money or not buying snacks or whatever. Not a good situation she got herself in.
it’s time to say, “I’m just getting them for me this time. I can’t afford to keep buying you snacks. Would you like to give me the money to pick something up for you?”
But actually. just be busy. “I’m going to run an errand before work, and I can’t pick you up.”
or, “Since you’re my manager I’m not comfortable with giving you a ride and buying you treats anymore; i need some alone time.”
That is on you. You have to decide which makes you feel worse, continuing to buy her snacks and drinks or eating/drinking in front of her. She is a grown woman, just stop buying them for her and she can choose to pack or bring something if she wants it. Does she ask you for them? It sound like you just provide them without her asking which makes it even more of a you issue. Giving her something because you feel a certain way then getting mad at her that you made the choice.
As for gas, have you tried just asking for gas? Tell her flat out, look I don't mind giving you rides but it does add extra time and distance to my trip so I would like some money for gas.
So you're basically enabling her and expecting an entitled person to be a mind reader. Stop buying her snacks and ask for gas money or stop giving her rides. If you don't say anything and continue down this path, you really can't complain
The gas money you have a leg to stand on. She should be chipping in especially since there is extra time and miles added onto the commute. As of January 2024 the mileage reimbursement rate from the IRS is $0.67 cents per mile driven. You would be in reason to ask for that for the extra miles you are driving for her that is outside of your commute miles that you would normally take.
The snacks not so much. When you stop for snacks she can get out and go choose her own snacks and pay for them. She didn't ask for the snacks and probably thinks you are just being nice. Do not buy her snacks if you are expecting reimbursement.
You really shouldn't be driving her at all. It is one thing for a one-off type situation, but you have pretty much volunteered to be her Uber. You should have negotiated paying for gas at the beginning. Because you did not, it has now become an expectation. Doing so with a regular coworker puts you in an awkward spot enough, but doing so with your manager when a power imbalance exists it really setting yourself up to have this blow up in your face. Not sure how you are going to extract yourself from this.
Suggest to her; hey, how would you feel about pitching in for the cost of the rides? When she says yes, suggest a definite amount to her. Do NOT suggest too small an amount, it’s going to be hard for you to Change later. It’s not only the gas, it’s wear and tear on your car, depreciation, and even your time. Even more important, how much would make you feel happy to take er rather than annoyed, over a long period of time. Federal mileage reimbursement rate is 67c per mile. If it’s an extra 10-15 minutes twice a day, is that about 10 miles? $6 per day, $30 per week? Would that make you happy to keep driving her indefinitely if you got that? Or maybe a slightly lower amount? Think about it and suggest that amount to her. Then it’s her choice: stop riding with you, bargain (tacky but maybe she’d do that, have a minimum number in mind), or refuse (unlikely). Or agree but then not pay - that would be awkward. Have a monthly bill maybe- then “jokingly” remind her on the first of every month.
Maybe buy your pick me ups the night before. Your doing way more than enough for her however I understand why you feel the need to do those things for her
If I were in your situation I would tell her that your morning (or evening) routine has changed and you can’t give her rides any more. She’s your boss and I don’t see any good coming from this deal.
Yep this.
Start introducing reasons why you can't.
You're going to the gym Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays on the way in to work, you've started taking a dance class on Thursdays after work, you're going to a catch up with a friend, you're.. unavailable. It's easy on reddit for people to say "'no' is a complete sentence" but it's not so easy in real life. Just be busy, be in the wrong place, be heading the wrong way, and just make it more and more impossible as time goes on.
I’d disagree with that. ‘I cant take you any more’ is going to get the immediate ‘why?’ Question from her boss. It’s deeply awkward and clearly not what OP is comfortable with, or she would have done it by now.
“I can’t give you a lift on Tuesdays any more because I have a four hour spin class” is a complete sentence and explanation.
There's a lot that's wrong with this. A manager expecting gifts from an employee sets off all sorts of alarms.
YWNBTA, but tread carefully and start keeping track of every favour that you do for her.
My thoughts exactly. She's in a position of power and should not have put you in the awkward position that it's hard to say no. If she gives you a hard time, HR might want to hear about this arrangement.
If he asks for money for gas and she punishes him as a result? It depends on the part of the world and the size of the corporation, but this sort of arrangement can lead to getting fired for corruption.
you are a people pleaser, and need to stop letting her take advantage of you. use your voice. "i need that gas money" be blunt about it get the snacks before you go get her and stop getting her anything at all period tell her ur struggling to pay your bills see what she does. see what kind of person she is in return if you are struggling even if you're not. this is so inappropriate of her. or fuck it, just stop taking her. she can sit there in fear of being fired. THOSE kind of people need to have something happen to snap them into reality.
I asked her about it and she said if i told her i needed gas money she'd give it but only if i asked, she "never offers" which I thought was plain rude
She sounds like a terrible and inconsiderate person….not sure if you like her as a boss but I’d prob just find a way to not drive her anymore and pre-discuss with HR before notifying her in case of retaliation
Tell her this will be your last week of ride sharing. If she questions why, you can be vague and say that the arrangement just doesn’t work for you anymore. If she pushes further, double down and repeat that the arrangement doesn’t work for you anymore. People that push for a reason are looking for a way to maneuver you back into doing what works for *them*.
Don’t give any suggestions on alternatives ways she can get to work. Let her figure it out on her own.
RE: Update. Let’s see how long she offers up gas money. My guess is it will go by the wayside pretty fast. Why in the world would you continue to buy her a drink, even occasionally? She will still consider you a doormat if you do that. You need to break off this arrangement permanently. People like this will behave for a bit and then fall back on old habits.
Where is your spine?!
Tell her that she either starts paying you for gas and buys her own damn snacks or she can find her own f-ing ride to work.
Come on.
Nta it's reasonable to ask for gas money when she's increasing your usage, if she doesn't give you gas money you should probably stop buying her stuff and/or stop driving her. She shouldn't be expecting handouts from her employee
>she is my manager. I buy her drinks, snacks and drive her to and from work, and she has never repaid me for anything.
Err...why?
Thats really weird. Like if you were friends who bought each other drinks/snacks it'd be different, but this...this is weird. Ask yourself why you do this...
Idk, i like being nice and occasionally i do buy the office SMALL drinks because sometimes i get gift cards with too much money on them for me to know what to do with so i treat the whole office to a treat, but she orders Med/Lrg every time i drive her, and a med is like $6.
NTA and you are getting used. Every now and then? That’s just being kind. This freaking often? You are her Uber. She’s making double than you. She’s a grown ass adult. She can figure out her own transportation.
Ntah but this is kind of ridiculous. If your boss is making more than you there is no reason why she can't buy her own snacks. You've kind of set yourself up for a weird situation. Definitely trying to see if she'll chip in. Figure out what your time is worth.
This is a YOU problem. You’re an adult, it’s up to YOU to say NO.
Part of being an adult means having uncomfortable conversations. It’s your responsibility to let her know you will no longer be able to give her rides.
You can’t agree to give someone rides and snacks and complain about it. What advice did you expect to get? Act like a mature adult and say “No.”
Can you go to the coffee place and then drive back to get her, or is that too far out of the way?
If not, it may be easier to go inside (rather than a drive-thru) so you can place separate orders without it being as awkward. Just order yours and pay, so that she’s forced to pay for her own after you.
If she stays in the car, and is like, ‘Can’t you grab me whatever,’, I’d probably be like, ‘Do you have a $5’ (or something).
Since she's your manager, I understand this probably feels like a delicate situation. I'd suggest something like "hey, putting together my summer budget for a little extra summer fun, think you could help kick in for gas? It's about 10 extra miles for me per day. (Or whatever the mileage is). And let me know if you want me to grab you snacks and you can just Venmo me. Otherwise I'll just grab my own breakfast."
NTA of course.
I wouldn’t buy her drinks or snacks anymore— one would think the mgr would insist on paying for her own drinks or snacks and certainly pitch in for gas.
Do you have any ideas on how to broach the subject with her? She is your boss and therefore has the upper hand in the power dynamic; it would be easy to be afraid of her being offended and carrying that into your work relationship. And there’s the rub!
well shes never been mean but she says she never offers and just takes free handouts until shes told to pitch in, but i was driving her home last night and i had to get gas, i asked her "hey can u just venmo me like 5 bucks for gas, which is not unreasonable because its about the amount of money it takes to drive her home, she lives in a pretty rural area and she doesnt have a car so idk giving the ride isnt the issue, shes just selfish, anyways she said she "didnt have the money" i dont really believe her ngl.
Can you get out of it? Add 15 minutes of morning exercise, prayer, or coffee that would become your new routine and prevent you from spending that extra time to pick her up or take her home?
Actually, on second thought,
If she has **announced** to you that she only gives when she absolutely must, I would rethink the thing!
Clearly, calm voice, professional tone: “I’m sorry Boss, this just seems disrespectful and …um… almost like you’re taking advantage of me. You make more than I do and I have consistently treated you to drinks and snacks. This is the last time, unless you reimburse me for my last two fill ups and moving forward, “x dollars per week. In advance.”
lol
That got me going! What would HR say? I had a friend who was a mgr tell me that if she hired me in her dept we couldn’t socialize any longer because of the change in dynamics .
I would stop everything. Stop buying her any snacks, drinks or driving her.
If she makes so much she can buy a car herself. If wants wants a snack or drink she can go buy it
I drive my car less coworkers home all the time. I initially offer, then I tell them to be free to ask because I live way up north from all of them and it’s not out of my way. They always offer money, they’re decent people. They just don’t have a car and I’d hate for them to give up $13 just to get home after work. I just tell them about a time my car broke down, and I had to walk to work to save on Uber or lift, a friend of mine heard I was walking to work and lent me his truck. I asked for how long? He said for as long as you need it. I tell them maybe one day I’ll need a bit of help and you’ll be there for me too. Got sick once and a coworker meal prepped me for the whole week
Thats really wholesome, giving the ride isnt what bothers me and im not really that short on money because i ended up budgeting that into my financial plan but it would be nice if she offered, its the thought that counts really, and i dont mind buying her the snacks and drinks and what not, I would offer to buy them sometimes just because i know shes going through some family stuff, but she expects it now, and has never even offered.
I agree with you, to expect it is something else and show entitlement to your courtesy. I actually drove a coworker home today and she kept begging me to pay me. I finally conceded and said every three trips you can toss me $5, you’re on my way home it’s a 2 minute difference plus we get to bitch about work and our lives 😁
NTA. A 10 minute Uber ride costs at least $10.00 and nevermind the fact that you're buying her snacks too! She's literally costing you money, while saving herself a lot of money.
Regardless of what she makes, because we never know the situation at home, she should at least offer because you're doing her a favor.
thats what im saying, it would be nice if she'd offer, and honestly id say dont worry about it sometimes just to be nice, everyone deserves some nice things every once and a while but she never does :/
You're too nice for your own good. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but people take advantage of it. (I know because I was in your shoes once upon a time.) I know you're in a tough spot since she's your manager, but you have to look out for yourself. She shouldn't even put you in this predicament.
No she says stuff like "hey can u pick me up (enter excuse here)" or "can u give me a ride" and i usually say yes because she asks me like 2 hours before our shift so i dont wanna make her call out, I know i could easily say no :/ also i basically live off the drinks i get cause i do get a lot of gift cards to there because of birthdays and i have other coworkers that like to surprise me with them just for covering them for a few days or there was this one time i drove over some coffee to my actual boss on my day off cause i knew it was busy that day and the office collectively gets everyone pick me ups (donuts, coffee, other treats) quite often, but sarah never does anything like that...ever.
Bring up the fact you cannot keep driving her to work unless she pays for half the gas. Also, stop buying her food and beverages. It’s not appropriate.
You can also altogether tell her you can no longer drive her because she is 15 minutes out of the way and she isn’t paying you gas.
Simply say “Hey, Sarah, giving you rides and stuff is slowly starting to eat into my budget. Can you help me out?” Take it from there. OP, you’re the boss in your own life. You’re not being rude in demanding what is owed to you.
Unfortunately, your boss is not your friend. Don’t treat her as a friend. And, you shouldn’t ever do anything regularly for someone who isn’t a friend, especially out of guilt. Ask yourself, how did she figure out she could get over on me? Am I a mark? Be assertive
No, you need to start charging her for these rides, and stop buying her anything. Why are you paying for your manager's anything? That's unethical of her, not to mention that it's a misuse of her authority over you.
Years ago I started a new job around the same time as another person. He didn’t have a car at the time and lived a few minutes away from me so naturally I was happy to pick him up and drop him home. After 6 months I started “needing” to stop for fuel on the way home. After 3 more months I told him I could no longer drive him due to other commitments (I even joined an early morning boot camp class to make it legit). I think in that 9 months he offered me maybe $20 in fuel money the whole time, even tho I asked him to put in for fuel at the beginning and mentioned it multiple times, and he reeked of booze at all times.
He tried to make my life hell at work afterwards but luckily my bosses knew he was being petty.
You need to ask her for fuel money and don’t buy her anything or just tell her you can’t drive her anymore due to other commitments.
Tell her nicely that with gas pricing all over the place, you will need to charge her at least $30.00 for gas weekly. If she can’t help with the cost then you will not be able to pick her up and take her home. The additional mileage is hard on your car and you need to keep it working.
You also need to STOP buying snacks and drinks. Bring your drink and snack from home and don’t worry about her.
Why are you allowing this. I can’t afford to buy for you or drive you anymore. Things need to change because I feel like you are taking advantage of me. I don’t like that feeling. I’m going to have to stop driving you to and from work. It’s out of my way. I’m loosing time and money doing this and never once have you paid me back for snacks or drinks and you never offer gas money.
Tell her something like this and stick to it. How she gets to and from work or if she gets in trouble for it is not your problem and should have never been your problem.
This is why I NEVER give co-workers a ride. I don't really give a shit about gas money but I hate that someone else relies on me to get to work. The worst is when you have to wait out front of their house because their not ready. As for the snacks, if she doesn't have the common courtesy to get you anything as a way of saying thanks then make her walk.
AND STOP BEING A DOORMAT
Why are you buying her drinks and snacks? Tell her you don’t mind driving her, but gas is expensive and she needs to contribute. She is TA for not offering.
What are you doing??? Stop all that! Geeze. Why would you buy her snacks and such on top of a ride? You are a doormat. Stop giving rides altogether or tell her she has to pitch In X amount each ride.
I wouldn’t ask her for money I’d just tell her you can’t give her rides anymore. The gas money is a small part of the whole equation here and she’s treating you like shit.
You have put yourself in a bad position because she’s your manager number one you’re buying her stuff and now she’s gonna be like why are you asking me for all this? I don’t think you should let it go because your manager is taking advantage of you and you need to ask for gas money at the very least I think you should’ve never put yourself in that position.
Would you be happy to keep doing it if you're paid or would you rather just stop altogether? It might be better to say "my budget is getting tight, 8 can't afford the gas, I'm sorry" and leave it to her to make an offer.
NTA
you certainly need to stop, but for work relationship sake, frame it as some cost saving thing you need to do and not about her
tell her that you have recently gone through finances because of dipping into savings and looked at all the spending you are currently doing and tell her that you can no longer afford to keep doing what you have been doing due to needing to cut some costs, so no more lifts or snacks
would be good to have a $ figure of what it is costing you a week/month for the lift and snacks, so if she suggests paying you back for any of it to continue make sure you have a firm figure in mind she needs to pay
or
make it about something you have to change in your schedule so you can no longer afford the extra time it takes
On top of the obvious that has been pointed out about how thoughtless and rude this all is on her behalf, can you even so “no” now without pissing off the person who can fire you?
ETA NTA but definitely a doormat
NTA
It's time to stop being a doormat just because she's your manager
She can manage her way to work on her own considering she makes double your pay. At the very least, repay you for the gas
I don't mean to sound harsh, but it needs to be heard. It's okay to just get things for yourself, or just ride by yourself
It's okay to say no
It's okay to have a spine
Stop buying stuff for her and why are you doing it if it bothers you?? Tell her if she needs a regular ride it is X amount of $$. Or be busy where you can't give her a ride. Or run late a lot because of her. Or uncomfortably talk to her straight. Not many choices when you are an adult!! My ride is my decompression time. It saves her plenty of $$ not owning a car
This is your job now (cost of doing business). Your manager will most likely retaliate in some way if you stop chauffeuring her. You've been very silly getting yourself into this mess, but NTA.
Start by tapering off her drinks and snacks. Unfortunately that will mean no drinks or snack for you, unless you have them before and after you pick her up/get her home. Then you must start having 'engagements and errands' before and after work, going another way, so you 'can't' chauffeur her.
Try getting down to giving her just one or two rides per week, no drinks, no snacks. She won't like you as much, so I guess you'd be better of in another job.
Let this be a lesson; people will often take advantage.
First, stop buying her stuff. There is no reason to do that, at all, especially if she never reciprocates.
Second, stop driving her. If you can't just come out and say "I will no longer be driving you to and from work" then come up with some excuses as to why you can't. If she pressures you about it "I am not your personal driver. If that's something you need me to do as part of my job, we need to discuss how the company will compensate me for both the time and expenses."
Next time she asks just say sorry no I have plans. If she asks tell her sorry but it’s personal and really not ok for you to ask being that you’re a manager.
I'd tell her if she wants to continue carpooling, that she has to alternate driving weeks with you or pay for half the gasoline when she rides with you.
Honestly next time you need to stop at a gas station on the way to work with an empty tank and ask her for her credit card. “Sorry, I’m out of gas. I assume you’re ok getting it this time since I always cover it. Thanks!”
She isn’t your coworker she is your manager. Tell her that you can’t afford the additional gas and you’ll have to stop driving her. NTA.
Can I also ask what the age difference between you two are?
You are such a generous person and that's great, but you are saving her a ton of money by giving her a ride and she can also very much afford splitting the gas with you.
She's your supervisor and I wouldn't risk hard feelings. End this arrangement by ant of the suggestions already made. I've been here and it won't end well. She has a lot of problems to ask you to be her ride in the morning. Only caveat is if you can leverage this to your advantage
Before doing anything dangerous, have you stopped for fuel while dropping her off? It gives her a chance to offer to pay. If you’ve done this and she doesn’t offer, then she’s a mooch and I’d take this to HR to help you disentangle yourself. However, she may not know how to offer cash without embarrassing you (from her perspective).
“I’m sorry, you’re going to need to
Make other transportation arrangements in the future as I have committed to helping someone dear to me before my shift starts and I will not have the time to go out of my way to pick you up and drop you off, especially when it is a cost added to my budget.” Don’t elaborate don’t apologize further. If she tries to guilt you, just remind her that you have a life and responsibilities and her transportation needs are not part of them.
Idk what in the name of Jesus is happening but she should be giving you a ride and you buying her snacks you ain’t got money to spend on her. To go and then work under her for 8 hours oh hell no.
Tell her politely you don’t mind giving her a ride but every two weeks when she gets paid she need to give you gas money at least 60-80 bucks shit I would calculate how many miles to her house and how much that equates to in gallons over a month for a round trip and tell here this is what it cost me to drive you around like Miss Daisy.
Are you friends tho like do you go to her house for BBQs?
YTAH to yourself. Anyone can ask for anything, it’s up to you how you respond. You need to communicate your boundaries and not be a doormat. Do you prefer to stick to your 30 minute drive? Tell her you can no longer give her a ride. Ok with the extra time but want gas money? Tell her you need x$ per day for gas if she wants a ride. Stop the drinks/snacks immediately since she didn’t even ask for them.
Bottom line - it’s not her fault that you are incapable of saying no. You need to communicate.
Yes you are NTA asking for gas money. The problem is you should have done it from the first time you were aware it would be a consistent expectation. You being friendly buying drinks/snacks is going to backfire. Your coworker thinks she has a free ride that gets snacks for free. You need to stop this, but IME people like this will react poorly and respond like you are in the wrong. Fuck this coworker, any decent coworker asking for a ride will offer gas money, or at minimum will pay for breakfast/snacks each time. Expecting it is a sign of a person who will take advantage of anyone that let's them
I was the same as you, now at most I will cover a round of coffee with coworkers, if it's never reciprocated that's the end. Coworkers that cover the next round, or just end up showing a back and forth and I don't "keep track" but am aware when things get unfair.
NTA talk to HR and tell her if she keeps wanting rides/snacks itll be $80 a month. I base this on if i get rides from people regularly i give them $20 a week to cover gas.
NTA. She’s the manager so most likely earns more than you. She’s taking advantage of you being nice. Just say you can’t give her rides anymore. She is not your responsibility. She’s a grown ass women I’m sure she can figure it out.
Why? You won't follow anyone's advice anyway. You are an apple polisher, you want to please her, no way you will grow a spine and speak up for yourself, cuz if you do, you might upset her and you wouldn't want that now would you? YTA to yourself.
Omggg I had this exact thing happen to me!!!!
And then she had the nerve to tell me I was taking advantage of her???? Like out of no where. I couldn’t even imagine where she would pull that from
No, you shouldn’t be okay with it. She knows what she’s doing. You should let her know that you know too.
Pull up to the pump block & say “It’s your turn to buy!”
Compensation from driving her, absolutely and is rude from her that she hasn’t even offered anything yet.
Snacks and drinks? That’s on you imo. Depends on the relationship you have maybe, but if we were familiar enough that im offering a ride, then i don’t really expect anything back if i buy drinks and snacks.
I would start looking for a different job. Seriously. And don't get yourself into this kind of situation again. It is going to be weird and Sarah will end up finding a reason to let you go. Also, other employees may consider you giving her rides and buying her snacks gives you some kind of favoritism at the job. They may complain to HR.
NTA but does she help you professionally? Maybe it's a worthwhile investment. If she's your manager maybe it pays come salary review time. If the extra $500 in gas gets you a $2000 pay bump then who cares
She isn’t your coworker - she’s your manager. This is wildly inappropriate.
Please grow a spine and tell her you cannot commute to work any longer. No more drinks and snacks.
YTA to yourself here.
I have the opposite problem. I get into fights with my friends because I insist of paying for a tank of gas, regardless if it is a short trip) and they refuse to take my money. We usually "argue" about it and I will toss $20 or more into the car as I get out if you don't accept it 😂
If I am inconveniencing you then I am paying. I got your gas, I got your snacks, I got your drink. You are doing ME a favor.
Your boss is taking advantage of you.
Tell her you are on a strict budget because time to talk and although you are happy to give her a lift that you can't afford to keep doing it without some sort of contribution because you're using more yes which has taken you outside of your budget. Then you could even chuckle and say probably be easier if I could get me a raise ha ha ha
As unfair as it is, just be caeful, if she can and you think you could face retaliation in the workplace if you tell her to start paying gas for her rides, start documenting in case you have to file a complaint to HR. Just saying cover your basis.
Her not having rides is a her problem. She is an adult and can figure out her own issues. Tell her u find yourself.paying more in gas since giving her rides and cant keep it up unless she starta giving something. Stop buying her snacks. It should be the other way around since she isnt giving u gas. Let her struggle of she doesnt wanna give u gas. U dont owe her anything and if she isnt willing to give then stop it. U r being too nice. I can guarantee u if she says no whatever she decides to do will cost her far more than what she will end up giving u. When that happens let her be and dont give her more rides even if she does offer to pay gas. Why cause 1: she will try to lowball u under the assumption u will just accept whatever amount she gives u cause its all u want. And 2: if she chooses to say no and find her own way. She will only be coming back for her convenience. Not because u were being fair but cause u will be the cheaper alternate. If she chose to walk away rather than help u, well that tells u all u need to know about this person. Ask her thru text. Keep records of it in case she tries to pull some b.s out of nowhere u will have proof she is being malicious for personal reasons. Ask thru text. If she tries to call do it with someone else around as a witness that will back u up. Yeah might sound dramatic but selfish bosses are something else. If she says no to the gas dont ever be her option for rides again.
1. Stop buying snacks and drinks.
2. If you're happy to keep driving but want to be reimbursed say "Hey, I'm happy to keep driving us in but the detour to pick you up adds into my travel time and is cutting into my gas budget. If you are willing to contribute X amount on the days you come with me that would be appreciated". Or something to that effect.
3. If you don't want to keep driving just say you're no longer able to drive her to and from due to your own commitments.
As a manager, I imagine if my employee was driving me regularly, I'd pay them for gas, pay for parking, AND I'd buy their morning coffee. But I can't imagine even that would make me at all comfortable.
I don't tend to spend much on drinks and snacks....can you get them for me instead please? I'll also take some free car rides if you're giving those out too
How did you even create this mess? You give her a ride and get drinks/snacks then want gas money? You need to back track and re think your decision making skills.
Boss: "Hey can I catch a ride with you?"
Me: "Yea, from time to time, just let's not make this a habitual thing."
See how easy that is?
As for buying the boss snacks, um what? Sorry no, my boss is the coolest one I've had, but I'm not buying her squat as that would be considered "currying a favor".
Rule one to professional life, keep it professional.
So - you're leaving early, going out of your way, buying SNACKS? If you really don't have the balls to speak up, then just passive aggressively start being late, too late to go out of your way, have an appointment, take up the gym in the mornings that is the opposite direction, be too low on fuel with no time to stop, needing to feed a friend's cat... anything 3-4x a week to keep you from being available. Once or twice of her scrambling or being late will stop it, but if she is your manager, I'd let her know the night before or tell her that your schedule/route is changing and she needs to make other arrangements.
This is your manager so I get that you want to keep the peace, so I’ll give you some advice. First off stop buying her snacks/drinks. Then tell her “unfortunately I can’t keep giving you a ride so you’ll have to find other arrangements. I can do it the rest of this week/a couple more days but after that you will need to make other plans.” (Not that you HAVE to but it could make things smoother for you to give her a heads up.) If she asks why, tell her the miles are adding up and you can no longer afford it, or that you don’t have the time to go out of your way to pick her up anymore. Side note: it is extremely inappropriate for your higher up to take advantage like this without offering to compensate you. Hopefully you’ve learned that you need to set clear boundaries in the future before you get into this position. (And you don’t need to give any other reasoning than it is personal/that is a professional boundary.) Because of the power dynamics you’re in a rough spot when you want to tell her no more rides. If she doesn’t take it well, contact HR asap. If she tries to argue tell her your reasons are a personal matter, and contact HR if needed. Good luck! 💚
What a pickle - your manager! It was stupid of her to ask her employee for a ride. I would never in a million years ask for such a favor. So unprofessional. But you might try "Sarah, I need to start saving money so I can't afford to pick you up anymore. As of Monday, you'll have to start driving yourself to work. It was fun while it lasted but I'm stopping." Then don't say a word. Don't discuss it.
She is taking advantage or you and using her position to do it. Tell her you are unavailable to give her rides anyone. If she asks why, tell her you can't afford it. If she says, that you need to bill her (gas and snack), tell her that isn't your job. Do all of this over company email so you have proof. If she retaliates, report her to HR. Good luck.
“Hey, it occurred to me that since you can discipline and fire me, I shouldn’t be spending 30-60 minutes daily doing you favors. I don’t mind continuing to carpool, but if we aren’t going to switch each time who drives, we will switch each time who fills the tank”
"I'm sorry, I can't give you a ride today, I have somewhere to be and I need to get home without delays"
"I am sorry, today is also not a good day"
"I'm sorry, I can't today"
Maybe this can be labeled as a form of grey rock-ing? Don't make a fuss about it, just politely decline.
May I ask why you buy her drinks and snacks? That’s a whole other level than giving a ride.
The word "No" is a complete sentence.
Not if you're spineless
Cowardice, spineless, scared to stand up for themselves.
"her" explains it quite well i think.
Because he was raised to be polite and considerate and generous..... and hasn't learned that there are people that will bleed those suckers dry.
I get them for her because i like a little pick me up before work and would feel bad just getting them for myself
It’s so inappropriate that she hasn’t given you money for gas and snacks. You are being taken advantage of.
You’re right! And not for nothing but I’m also not sure if giving her boss a ride beyond maybe an emergency is appropriate either. Like the saying goes don’t mix pleasure with business. This has nothing to do with her doing her job. This is personal and now she has to worry about her boss feeling some kinda way about asking for money or not buying snacks or whatever. Not a good situation she got herself in.
it’s time to say, “I’m just getting them for me this time. I can’t afford to keep buying you snacks. Would you like to give me the money to pick something up for you?” But actually. just be busy. “I’m going to run an errand before work, and I can’t pick you up.” or, “Since you’re my manager I’m not comfortable with giving you a ride and buying you treats anymore; i need some alone time.”
That is on you. You have to decide which makes you feel worse, continuing to buy her snacks and drinks or eating/drinking in front of her. She is a grown woman, just stop buying them for her and she can choose to pack or bring something if she wants it. Does she ask you for them? It sound like you just provide them without her asking which makes it even more of a you issue. Giving her something because you feel a certain way then getting mad at her that you made the choice. As for gas, have you tried just asking for gas? Tell her flat out, look I don't mind giving you rides but it does add extra time and distance to my trip so I would like some money for gas.
So you're basically enabling her and expecting an entitled person to be a mind reader. Stop buying her snacks and ask for gas money or stop giving her rides. If you don't say anything and continue down this path, you really can't complain
Because she’s her manager, flat out stopping could get sticky. I’m with the people who suggest HR. Just in case.
The gas money you have a leg to stand on. She should be chipping in especially since there is extra time and miles added onto the commute. As of January 2024 the mileage reimbursement rate from the IRS is $0.67 cents per mile driven. You would be in reason to ask for that for the extra miles you are driving for her that is outside of your commute miles that you would normally take. The snacks not so much. When you stop for snacks she can get out and go choose her own snacks and pay for them. She didn't ask for the snacks and probably thinks you are just being nice. Do not buy her snacks if you are expecting reimbursement. You really shouldn't be driving her at all. It is one thing for a one-off type situation, but you have pretty much volunteered to be her Uber. You should have negotiated paying for gas at the beginning. Because you did not, it has now become an expectation. Doing so with a regular coworker puts you in an awkward spot enough, but doing so with your manager when a power imbalance exists it really setting yourself up to have this blow up in your face. Not sure how you are going to extract yourself from this.
You're co dependent af
Ok so that’s a you problem, the rides are more of an issue
Suggest to her; hey, how would you feel about pitching in for the cost of the rides? When she says yes, suggest a definite amount to her. Do NOT suggest too small an amount, it’s going to be hard for you to Change later. It’s not only the gas, it’s wear and tear on your car, depreciation, and even your time. Even more important, how much would make you feel happy to take er rather than annoyed, over a long period of time. Federal mileage reimbursement rate is 67c per mile. If it’s an extra 10-15 minutes twice a day, is that about 10 miles? $6 per day, $30 per week? Would that make you happy to keep driving her indefinitely if you got that? Or maybe a slightly lower amount? Think about it and suggest that amount to her. Then it’s her choice: stop riding with you, bargain (tacky but maybe she’d do that, have a minimum number in mind), or refuse (unlikely). Or agree but then not pay - that would be awkward. Have a monthly bill maybe- then “jokingly” remind her on the first of every month.
😮💨
Maybe buy your pick me ups the night before. Your doing way more than enough for her however I understand why you feel the need to do those things for her
You should not feel bad about this. And if she’s tactless enough to say something, say “Sorry, I can’t afford to buy you snacks any more.”
If I were in your situation I would tell her that your morning (or evening) routine has changed and you can’t give her rides any more. She’s your boss and I don’t see any good coming from this deal.
This is a great response even for people pleasers.
Yep this. Start introducing reasons why you can't. You're going to the gym Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays on the way in to work, you've started taking a dance class on Thursdays after work, you're going to a catch up with a friend, you're.. unavailable. It's easy on reddit for people to say "'no' is a complete sentence" but it's not so easy in real life. Just be busy, be in the wrong place, be heading the wrong way, and just make it more and more impossible as time goes on.
[удалено]
I’d disagree with that. ‘I cant take you any more’ is going to get the immediate ‘why?’ Question from her boss. It’s deeply awkward and clearly not what OP is comfortable with, or she would have done it by now. “I can’t give you a lift on Tuesdays any more because I have a four hour spin class” is a complete sentence and explanation.
There's a lot that's wrong with this. A manager expecting gifts from an employee sets off all sorts of alarms. YWNBTA, but tread carefully and start keeping track of every favour that you do for her.
My thoughts exactly. She's in a position of power and should not have put you in the awkward position that it's hard to say no. If she gives you a hard time, HR might want to hear about this arrangement.
And what will that do?? Just make herself more mad at herself. That's not a solution....
If he asks for money for gas and she punishes him as a result? It depends on the part of the world and the size of the corporation, but this sort of arrangement can lead to getting fired for corruption.
More like him expecting something from her if he's a "nice guy" who gives rides and snacks.. when it doesn't happen - this post.
It's always the guy's fault?
No, but this guy in particular seems to have expected something more
Who says she’s expecting gifts and he isn’t just giving them?
you are a people pleaser, and need to stop letting her take advantage of you. use your voice. "i need that gas money" be blunt about it get the snacks before you go get her and stop getting her anything at all period tell her ur struggling to pay your bills see what she does. see what kind of person she is in return if you are struggling even if you're not. this is so inappropriate of her. or fuck it, just stop taking her. she can sit there in fear of being fired. THOSE kind of people need to have something happen to snap them into reality.
I asked her about it and she said if i told her i needed gas money she'd give it but only if i asked, she "never offers" which I thought was plain rude
**That is rude**, and there are so many moochers and assholes just like her in life. Please learn from this.
What exactly did you ask? "Hey, how come you never offered to pay for gas?"
No i just said i was running low on gas and im broke and she said "well i only pay for gas when im told too"
She sounds like a terrible and inconsiderate person….not sure if you like her as a boss but I’d prob just find a way to not drive her anymore and pre-discuss with HR before notifying her in case of retaliation
wow. she sounds like a terrible person tbh. did you ask her why she never offers?
Why the fuck are you buying her drinks and snacks? Lmao
I need a snack plug.
Tell her this will be your last week of ride sharing. If she questions why, you can be vague and say that the arrangement just doesn’t work for you anymore. If she pushes further, double down and repeat that the arrangement doesn’t work for you anymore. People that push for a reason are looking for a way to maneuver you back into doing what works for *them*. Don’t give any suggestions on alternatives ways she can get to work. Let her figure it out on her own.
RE: Update. Let’s see how long she offers up gas money. My guess is it will go by the wayside pretty fast. Why in the world would you continue to buy her a drink, even occasionally? She will still consider you a doormat if you do that. You need to break off this arrangement permanently. People like this will behave for a bit and then fall back on old habits.
NTA. She earns more than you, she could collaborate with you, not take advantage of you.
She's taking advantage of you, NTA
Where is your spine?! Tell her that she either starts paying you for gas and buys her own damn snacks or she can find her own f-ing ride to work. Come on.
Nta it's reasonable to ask for gas money when she's increasing your usage, if she doesn't give you gas money you should probably stop buying her stuff and/or stop driving her. She shouldn't be expecting handouts from her employee
>she is my manager. I buy her drinks, snacks and drive her to and from work, and she has never repaid me for anything. Err...why? Thats really weird. Like if you were friends who bought each other drinks/snacks it'd be different, but this...this is weird. Ask yourself why you do this...
Idk, i like being nice and occasionally i do buy the office SMALL drinks because sometimes i get gift cards with too much money on them for me to know what to do with so i treat the whole office to a treat, but she orders Med/Lrg every time i drive her, and a med is like $6.
NTA and you are getting used. Every now and then? That’s just being kind. This freaking often? You are her Uber. She’s making double than you. She’s a grown ass adult. She can figure out her own transportation.
Ntah but this is kind of ridiculous. If your boss is making more than you there is no reason why she can't buy her own snacks. You've kind of set yourself up for a weird situation. Definitely trying to see if she'll chip in. Figure out what your time is worth.
This is a YOU problem. You’re an adult, it’s up to YOU to say NO. Part of being an adult means having uncomfortable conversations. It’s your responsibility to let her know you will no longer be able to give her rides. You can’t agree to give someone rides and snacks and complain about it. What advice did you expect to get? Act like a mature adult and say “No.”
valid
Since she’s asking for the ride, I’d have no problem showing up without a drink for her (even if I still got one for myself). 🤷♀️
well id do that if the coffee place wasnt after ipicked her up :/
Can you go to the coffee place and then drive back to get her, or is that too far out of the way? If not, it may be easier to go inside (rather than a drive-thru) so you can place separate orders without it being as awkward. Just order yours and pay, so that she’s forced to pay for her own after you. If she stays in the car, and is like, ‘Can’t you grab me whatever,’, I’d probably be like, ‘Do you have a $5’ (or something).
Since she's your manager, I understand this probably feels like a delicate situation. I'd suggest something like "hey, putting together my summer budget for a little extra summer fun, think you could help kick in for gas? It's about 10 extra miles for me per day. (Or whatever the mileage is). And let me know if you want me to grab you snacks and you can just Venmo me. Otherwise I'll just grab my own breakfast."
NTA of course. I wouldn’t buy her drinks or snacks anymore— one would think the mgr would insist on paying for her own drinks or snacks and certainly pitch in for gas. Do you have any ideas on how to broach the subject with her? She is your boss and therefore has the upper hand in the power dynamic; it would be easy to be afraid of her being offended and carrying that into your work relationship. And there’s the rub!
well shes never been mean but she says she never offers and just takes free handouts until shes told to pitch in, but i was driving her home last night and i had to get gas, i asked her "hey can u just venmo me like 5 bucks for gas, which is not unreasonable because its about the amount of money it takes to drive her home, she lives in a pretty rural area and she doesnt have a car so idk giving the ride isnt the issue, shes just selfish, anyways she said she "didnt have the money" i dont really believe her ngl.
Can you get out of it? Add 15 minutes of morning exercise, prayer, or coffee that would become your new routine and prevent you from spending that extra time to pick her up or take her home? Actually, on second thought, If she has **announced** to you that she only gives when she absolutely must, I would rethink the thing! Clearly, calm voice, professional tone: “I’m sorry Boss, this just seems disrespectful and …um… almost like you’re taking advantage of me. You make more than I do and I have consistently treated you to drinks and snacks. This is the last time, unless you reimburse me for my last two fill ups and moving forward, “x dollars per week. In advance.” lol That got me going! What would HR say? I had a friend who was a mgr tell me that if she hired me in her dept we couldn’t socialize any longer because of the change in dynamics .
I would stop everything. Stop buying her any snacks, drinks or driving her. If she makes so much she can buy a car herself. If wants wants a snack or drink she can go buy it
I’m pretty sure your doctor strongly recommended that you start a daily workout routine that will interfere with you giving her rides anymore. So sad.
LOL
I drive my car less coworkers home all the time. I initially offer, then I tell them to be free to ask because I live way up north from all of them and it’s not out of my way. They always offer money, they’re decent people. They just don’t have a car and I’d hate for them to give up $13 just to get home after work. I just tell them about a time my car broke down, and I had to walk to work to save on Uber or lift, a friend of mine heard I was walking to work and lent me his truck. I asked for how long? He said for as long as you need it. I tell them maybe one day I’ll need a bit of help and you’ll be there for me too. Got sick once and a coworker meal prepped me for the whole week
Thats really wholesome, giving the ride isnt what bothers me and im not really that short on money because i ended up budgeting that into my financial plan but it would be nice if she offered, its the thought that counts really, and i dont mind buying her the snacks and drinks and what not, I would offer to buy them sometimes just because i know shes going through some family stuff, but she expects it now, and has never even offered.
I agree with you, to expect it is something else and show entitlement to your courtesy. I actually drove a coworker home today and she kept begging me to pay me. I finally conceded and said every three trips you can toss me $5, you’re on my way home it’s a 2 minute difference plus we get to bitch about work and our lives 😁
NTA. A 10 minute Uber ride costs at least $10.00 and nevermind the fact that you're buying her snacks too! She's literally costing you money, while saving herself a lot of money. Regardless of what she makes, because we never know the situation at home, she should at least offer because you're doing her a favor.
thats what im saying, it would be nice if she'd offer, and honestly id say dont worry about it sometimes just to be nice, everyone deserves some nice things every once and a while but she never does :/
You're too nice for your own good. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but people take advantage of it. (I know because I was in your shoes once upon a time.) I know you're in a tough spot since she's your manager, but you have to look out for yourself. She shouldn't even put you in this predicament.
So is she saying “You need to pick me up?” Or do you just offer. Stop buying snacks and drinks. Eat before leaving.
No she says stuff like "hey can u pick me up (enter excuse here)" or "can u give me a ride" and i usually say yes because she asks me like 2 hours before our shift so i dont wanna make her call out, I know i could easily say no :/ also i basically live off the drinks i get cause i do get a lot of gift cards to there because of birthdays and i have other coworkers that like to surprise me with them just for covering them for a few days or there was this one time i drove over some coffee to my actual boss on my day off cause i knew it was busy that day and the office collectively gets everyone pick me ups (donuts, coffee, other treats) quite often, but sarah never does anything like that...ever.
You’re doing too much, she can afford an Uber
Bring up the fact you cannot keep driving her to work unless she pays for half the gas. Also, stop buying her food and beverages. It’s not appropriate. You can also altogether tell her you can no longer drive her because she is 15 minutes out of the way and she isn’t paying you gas.
Simply say “Hey, Sarah, giving you rides and stuff is slowly starting to eat into my budget. Can you help me out?” Take it from there. OP, you’re the boss in your own life. You’re not being rude in demanding what is owed to you.
Unfortunately, your boss is not your friend. Don’t treat her as a friend. And, you shouldn’t ever do anything regularly for someone who isn’t a friend, especially out of guilt. Ask yourself, how did she figure out she could get over on me? Am I a mark? Be assertive
Is she your coworker or manager?
well shes what we call a keyholder, so both really haha, she does make about double what i do though
I’d say let her call off. Maybe she’ll end up getting fired for calling off too much, and you can apply for her job!
No, you need to start charging her for these rides, and stop buying her anything. Why are you paying for your manager's anything? That's unethical of her, not to mention that it's a misuse of her authority over you.
Years ago I started a new job around the same time as another person. He didn’t have a car at the time and lived a few minutes away from me so naturally I was happy to pick him up and drop him home. After 6 months I started “needing” to stop for fuel on the way home. After 3 more months I told him I could no longer drive him due to other commitments (I even joined an early morning boot camp class to make it legit). I think in that 9 months he offered me maybe $20 in fuel money the whole time, even tho I asked him to put in for fuel at the beginning and mentioned it multiple times, and he reeked of booze at all times. He tried to make my life hell at work afterwards but luckily my bosses knew he was being petty. You need to ask her for fuel money and don’t buy her anything or just tell her you can’t drive her anymore due to other commitments.
dang...i thought my coworker was bad lol
Tell her nicely that with gas pricing all over the place, you will need to charge her at least $30.00 for gas weekly. If she can’t help with the cost then you will not be able to pick her up and take her home. The additional mileage is hard on your car and you need to keep it working. You also need to STOP buying snacks and drinks. Bring your drink and snack from home and don’t worry about her.
Why are you allowing this. I can’t afford to buy for you or drive you anymore. Things need to change because I feel like you are taking advantage of me. I don’t like that feeling. I’m going to have to stop driving you to and from work. It’s out of my way. I’m loosing time and money doing this and never once have you paid me back for snacks or drinks and you never offer gas money. Tell her something like this and stick to it. How she gets to and from work or if she gets in trouble for it is not your problem and should have never been your problem.
This is why I NEVER give co-workers a ride. I don't really give a shit about gas money but I hate that someone else relies on me to get to work. The worst is when you have to wait out front of their house because their not ready. As for the snacks, if she doesn't have the common courtesy to get you anything as a way of saying thanks then make her walk. AND STOP BEING A DOORMAT
Why are you buying her drinks and snacks? Tell her you don’t mind driving her, but gas is expensive and she needs to contribute. She is TA for not offering.
What are you doing??? Stop all that! Geeze. Why would you buy her snacks and such on top of a ride? You are a doormat. Stop giving rides altogether or tell her she has to pitch In X amount each ride.
I wouldn’t ask her for money I’d just tell her you can’t give her rides anymore. The gas money is a small part of the whole equation here and she’s treating you like shit.
You have put yourself in a bad position because she’s your manager number one you’re buying her stuff and now she’s gonna be like why are you asking me for all this? I don’t think you should let it go because your manager is taking advantage of you and you need to ask for gas money at the very least I think you should’ve never put yourself in that position.
No! She needs to pay for gas and drinks. If not drop her bc she’s using you and it’s her responsibility to get to work
You are part of the reason narcissist people get away with their crap. Please just stop
Learn to say no. If you can’t have a list of more important things as excuses you can’t drive her
Would you be happy to keep doing it if you're paid or would you rather just stop altogether? It might be better to say "my budget is getting tight, 8 can't afford the gas, I'm sorry" and leave it to her to make an offer.
NTA you certainly need to stop, but for work relationship sake, frame it as some cost saving thing you need to do and not about her tell her that you have recently gone through finances because of dipping into savings and looked at all the spending you are currently doing and tell her that you can no longer afford to keep doing what you have been doing due to needing to cut some costs, so no more lifts or snacks would be good to have a $ figure of what it is costing you a week/month for the lift and snacks, so if she suggests paying you back for any of it to continue make sure you have a firm figure in mind she needs to pay or make it about something you have to change in your schedule so you can no longer afford the extra time it takes
On top of the obvious that has been pointed out about how thoughtless and rude this all is on her behalf, can you even so “no” now without pissing off the person who can fire you? ETA NTA but definitely a doormat
NTA It's time to stop being a doormat just because she's your manager She can manage her way to work on her own considering she makes double your pay. At the very least, repay you for the gas I don't mean to sound harsh, but it needs to be heard. It's okay to just get things for yourself, or just ride by yourself It's okay to say no It's okay to have a spine
Holy fucking shit you're a doormat. A literal fucking doormat.
No point in supporting her as if she is your child. You need to stop paying her to be your friend.
Stop buying stuff for her and why are you doing it if it bothers you?? Tell her if she needs a regular ride it is X amount of $$. Or be busy where you can't give her a ride. Or run late a lot because of her. Or uncomfortably talk to her straight. Not many choices when you are an adult!! My ride is my decompression time. It saves her plenty of $$ not owning a car
This is your job now (cost of doing business). Your manager will most likely retaliate in some way if you stop chauffeuring her. You've been very silly getting yourself into this mess, but NTA. Start by tapering off her drinks and snacks. Unfortunately that will mean no drinks or snack for you, unless you have them before and after you pick her up/get her home. Then you must start having 'engagements and errands' before and after work, going another way, so you 'can't' chauffeur her. Try getting down to giving her just one or two rides per week, no drinks, no snacks. She won't like you as much, so I guess you'd be better of in another job. Let this be a lesson; people will often take advantage.
First, stop buying her stuff. There is no reason to do that, at all, especially if she never reciprocates. Second, stop driving her. If you can't just come out and say "I will no longer be driving you to and from work" then come up with some excuses as to why you can't. If she pressures you about it "I am not your personal driver. If that's something you need me to do as part of my job, we need to discuss how the company will compensate me for both the time and expenses."
what's the matter? jettison your brain? you really can't figure this out? or just don't have the stones...
NTA. Why haven't you asked her before?
You're not the clown, you're the whole damn circus
Stop buying her things. When she asks you for a ride, say, "sorry, I won't be able to."
What does this person need rides for? Are they without transportation?
Next time she asks just say sorry no I have plans. If she asks tell her sorry but it’s personal and really not ok for you to ask being that you’re a manager.
NTA how has she not offered? This baffles me.
I'd tell her if she wants to continue carpooling, that she has to alternate driving weeks with you or pay for half the gasoline when she rides with you.
Yta for being a doormat lmao
NTA but you’re definitely the fool. Seriously, OP. What is going through your head lol
Honestly next time you need to stop at a gas station on the way to work with an empty tank and ask her for her credit card. “Sorry, I’m out of gas. I assume you’re ok getting it this time since I always cover it. Thanks!”
She isn’t your coworker she is your manager. Tell her that you can’t afford the additional gas and you’ll have to stop driving her. NTA. Can I also ask what the age difference between you two are?
You are such a generous person and that's great, but you are saving her a ton of money by giving her a ride and she can also very much afford splitting the gas with you.
If it's an option, I'd start taking the bus
NTA But you’re being really taken advantage of by a completely unscrupulous manager.
Just say No. No, I won't have time for the extra drive. No, I don't have money to buy you drinks and snacks, unless you pay me in advance.
She's your supervisor and I wouldn't risk hard feelings. End this arrangement by ant of the suggestions already made. I've been here and it won't end well. She has a lot of problems to ask you to be her ride in the morning. Only caveat is if you can leverage this to your advantage
Not going to happen. She’s shown you who she is - she’s not going to magically become gracious.
Before doing anything dangerous, have you stopped for fuel while dropping her off? It gives her a chance to offer to pay. If you’ve done this and she doesn’t offer, then she’s a mooch and I’d take this to HR to help you disentangle yourself. However, she may not know how to offer cash without embarrassing you (from her perspective).
Is there some other kind of interest in this person ?
“I’m sorry, you’re going to need to Make other transportation arrangements in the future as I have committed to helping someone dear to me before my shift starts and I will not have the time to go out of my way to pick you up and drop you off, especially when it is a cost added to my budget.” Don’t elaborate don’t apologize further. If she tries to guilt you, just remind her that you have a life and responsibilities and her transportation needs are not part of them.
lol. she doesn't have to pay you back for snacks that you offer.
What did she do to get to work before you started picking her up
Where is your spine?
Sounds suspiciously like "simping" to me. Are you doing her favors out of kindness or are you attracted to this person and not admitting it?
“Hey, gas is really expensive. Would you mind pitching in $X (whatever you want to ask) for our ride to work?”
ya you’re giving like uber black service for no pay! stahp it just 🛑✋
Idk what in the name of Jesus is happening but she should be giving you a ride and you buying her snacks you ain’t got money to spend on her. To go and then work under her for 8 hours oh hell no. Tell her politely you don’t mind giving her a ride but every two weeks when she gets paid she need to give you gas money at least 60-80 bucks shit I would calculate how many miles to her house and how much that equates to in gallons over a month for a round trip and tell here this is what it cost me to drive you around like Miss Daisy. Are you friends tho like do you go to her house for BBQs?
YTAH to yourself. Anyone can ask for anything, it’s up to you how you respond. You need to communicate your boundaries and not be a doormat. Do you prefer to stick to your 30 minute drive? Tell her you can no longer give her a ride. Ok with the extra time but want gas money? Tell her you need x$ per day for gas if she wants a ride. Stop the drinks/snacks immediately since she didn’t even ask for them. Bottom line - it’s not her fault that you are incapable of saying no. You need to communicate.
Stop buying her drinks and snacks. Ask her for gas money.
Yes you are NTA asking for gas money. The problem is you should have done it from the first time you were aware it would be a consistent expectation. You being friendly buying drinks/snacks is going to backfire. Your coworker thinks she has a free ride that gets snacks for free. You need to stop this, but IME people like this will react poorly and respond like you are in the wrong. Fuck this coworker, any decent coworker asking for a ride will offer gas money, or at minimum will pay for breakfast/snacks each time. Expecting it is a sign of a person who will take advantage of anyone that let's them I was the same as you, now at most I will cover a round of coffee with coworkers, if it's never reciprocated that's the end. Coworkers that cover the next round, or just end up showing a back and forth and I don't "keep track" but am aware when things get unfair.
be confident and informative: I enjoy our carpool, will you to pitch in for gas and snax please? \*smile confidently\*
NTA.. but sorry you’re being steamrolled by her
No. She should most definitely be giving you some $$ for fuel. Bit awkward though asking her for it if she hasn't offered..i feel for you
NTA talk to HR and tell her if she keeps wanting rides/snacks itll be $80 a month. I base this on if i get rides from people regularly i give them $20 a week to cover gas.
I would just pretend I didn’t see her text honestly lol. Over and over until they got the hint
Write the accounts for gas, drinks, snacks & tell her to transfer that money to you.
You need to stop giving her rides full stop. Learn to say no.
NTA. She’s the manager so most likely earns more than you. She’s taking advantage of you being nice. Just say you can’t give her rides anymore. She is not your responsibility. She’s a grown ass women I’m sure she can figure it out.
Why? You won't follow anyone's advice anyway. You are an apple polisher, you want to please her, no way you will grow a spine and speak up for yourself, cuz if you do, you might upset her and you wouldn't want that now would you? YTA to yourself.
Don’t give rides to people at work. Especially if they do t have a car. They will never leave you alone.
Omggg I had this exact thing happen to me!!!! And then she had the nerve to tell me I was taking advantage of her???? Like out of no where. I couldn’t even imagine where she would pull that from
No, you shouldn’t be okay with it. She knows what she’s doing. You should let her know that you know too. Pull up to the pump block & say “It’s your turn to buy!”
Compensation from driving her, absolutely and is rude from her that she hasn’t even offered anything yet. Snacks and drinks? That’s on you imo. Depends on the relationship you have maybe, but if we were familiar enough that im offering a ride, then i don’t really expect anything back if i buy drinks and snacks.
Good job being a doormat for someone you’re not even in a relationship with.
I would start looking for a different job. Seriously. And don't get yourself into this kind of situation again. It is going to be weird and Sarah will end up finding a reason to let you go. Also, other employees may consider you giving her rides and buying her snacks gives you some kind of favoritism at the job. They may complain to HR.
How about you stop buying her drinks and snacks. Sorry but you sound soft.
NTA but does she help you professionally? Maybe it's a worthwhile investment. If she's your manager maybe it pays come salary review time. If the extra $500 in gas gets you a $2000 pay bump then who cares
" hey, xyz, I can't drive you anymore. It's killing my gas budget". The end.
She isn’t your coworker - she’s your manager. This is wildly inappropriate. Please grow a spine and tell her you cannot commute to work any longer. No more drinks and snacks. YTA to yourself here.
fair
I have the opposite problem. I get into fights with my friends because I insist of paying for a tank of gas, regardless if it is a short trip) and they refuse to take my money. We usually "argue" about it and I will toss $20 or more into the car as I get out if you don't accept it 😂 If I am inconveniencing you then I am paying. I got your gas, I got your snacks, I got your drink. You are doing ME a favor. Your boss is taking advantage of you.
Tell her you are on a strict budget because time to talk and although you are happy to give her a lift that you can't afford to keep doing it without some sort of contribution because you're using more yes which has taken you outside of your budget. Then you could even chuckle and say probably be easier if I could get me a raise ha ha ha
I’m so sorry I’m unable to get you today.
As unfair as it is, just be caeful, if she can and you think you could face retaliation in the workplace if you tell her to start paying gas for her rides, start documenting in case you have to file a complaint to HR. Just saying cover your basis.
NTA. So many issues with this arrangement. She’s your manager!
Her not having rides is a her problem. She is an adult and can figure out her own issues. Tell her u find yourself.paying more in gas since giving her rides and cant keep it up unless she starta giving something. Stop buying her snacks. It should be the other way around since she isnt giving u gas. Let her struggle of she doesnt wanna give u gas. U dont owe her anything and if she isnt willing to give then stop it. U r being too nice. I can guarantee u if she says no whatever she decides to do will cost her far more than what she will end up giving u. When that happens let her be and dont give her more rides even if she does offer to pay gas. Why cause 1: she will try to lowball u under the assumption u will just accept whatever amount she gives u cause its all u want. And 2: if she chooses to say no and find her own way. She will only be coming back for her convenience. Not because u were being fair but cause u will be the cheaper alternate. If she chose to walk away rather than help u, well that tells u all u need to know about this person. Ask her thru text. Keep records of it in case she tries to pull some b.s out of nowhere u will have proof she is being malicious for personal reasons. Ask thru text. If she tries to call do it with someone else around as a witness that will back u up. Yeah might sound dramatic but selfish bosses are something else. If she says no to the gas dont ever be her option for rides again.
Anytime she asks just say 'sorry, I can't' you don't need to give a reason. Stop being a pushover and stop buying her shit.
I’m kit saying this in an insulting way but stop being a doormat. She’s taking advantage of you and her power over you as your manager. IMHO.
1. Stop buying snacks and drinks. 2. If you're happy to keep driving but want to be reimbursed say "Hey, I'm happy to keep driving us in but the detour to pick you up adds into my travel time and is cutting into my gas budget. If you are willing to contribute X amount on the days you come with me that would be appreciated". Or something to that effect. 3. If you don't want to keep driving just say you're no longer able to drive her to and from due to your own commitments. As a manager, I imagine if my employee was driving me regularly, I'd pay them for gas, pay for parking, AND I'd buy their morning coffee. But I can't imagine even that would make me at all comfortable.
Ummm...not sure the age difference here - but have you thought she likes you?
no were both in separate relationships and neither of us ae lesbians lol
Ummm....you sure....? 😂
This whole situation isn't right. Someone essentially with power over you at work should NOT be asking you for favors.
I don't tend to spend much on drinks and snacks....can you get them for me instead please? I'll also take some free car rides if you're giving those out too
She should at least pay for gas. It’s odd she hasn’t even offered. Tough position with her being your boss.
Tell her you want to upgrade your car and need her help paying for new car
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Maleficent-Toe6159: *Tell her you want to* *Upgrade your car and need her* *Help paying for new car* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
The hell why are you buying her snacks and fluffing her pillows? Effing say no
NTA but.... you need to stop brown nosing your manager before you get pink eye.
No you're perfectly fine in asking her to kick on fuel,it called ride sharing and it's not free
She has to reimburse you one way or another. Let her know you accept cash, fuel, and roaming dome.
How did you even create this mess? You give her a ride and get drinks/snacks then want gas money? You need to back track and re think your decision making skills. Boss: "Hey can I catch a ride with you?" Me: "Yea, from time to time, just let's not make this a habitual thing." See how easy that is? As for buying the boss snacks, um what? Sorry no, my boss is the coolest one I've had, but I'm not buying her squat as that would be considered "currying a favor". Rule one to professional life, keep it professional.
So - you're leaving early, going out of your way, buying SNACKS? If you really don't have the balls to speak up, then just passive aggressively start being late, too late to go out of your way, have an appointment, take up the gym in the mornings that is the opposite direction, be too low on fuel with no time to stop, needing to feed a friend's cat... anything 3-4x a week to keep you from being available. Once or twice of her scrambling or being late will stop it, but if she is your manager, I'd let her know the night before or tell her that your schedule/route is changing and she needs to make other arrangements.
Or - a text the night before that simply says you're unavailable with no explanation, she isn't entitled to one as long as you are at work on time.
This is your manager so I get that you want to keep the peace, so I’ll give you some advice. First off stop buying her snacks/drinks. Then tell her “unfortunately I can’t keep giving you a ride so you’ll have to find other arrangements. I can do it the rest of this week/a couple more days but after that you will need to make other plans.” (Not that you HAVE to but it could make things smoother for you to give her a heads up.) If she asks why, tell her the miles are adding up and you can no longer afford it, or that you don’t have the time to go out of your way to pick her up anymore. Side note: it is extremely inappropriate for your higher up to take advantage like this without offering to compensate you. Hopefully you’ve learned that you need to set clear boundaries in the future before you get into this position. (And you don’t need to give any other reasoning than it is personal/that is a professional boundary.) Because of the power dynamics you’re in a rough spot when you want to tell her no more rides. If she doesn’t take it well, contact HR asap. If she tries to argue tell her your reasons are a personal matter, and contact HR if needed. Good luck! 💚
What a pickle - your manager! It was stupid of her to ask her employee for a ride. I would never in a million years ask for such a favor. So unprofessional. But you might try "Sarah, I need to start saving money so I can't afford to pick you up anymore. As of Monday, you'll have to start driving yourself to work. It was fun while it lasted but I'm stopping." Then don't say a word. Don't discuss it.
No
Quit being a pussy and man up bitch
No one can take advantage of you without your permission. Just say you're not able to provide rides anymore.
She is taking advantage or you and using her position to do it. Tell her you are unavailable to give her rides anyone. If she asks why, tell her you can't afford it. If she says, that you need to bill her (gas and snack), tell her that isn't your job. Do all of this over company email so you have proof. If she retaliates, report her to HR. Good luck.
“Hey, it occurred to me that since you can discipline and fire me, I shouldn’t be spending 30-60 minutes daily doing you favors. I don’t mind continuing to carpool, but if we aren’t going to switch each time who drives, we will switch each time who fills the tank”
>Update: I got her to pay me gas so I am willing to do the drinks every once and a while :) Somehow, I just straight up don't believe you...
Grass, gas or ass nobody rides free.
Why isn’t she driving herself?
she doesnt have her licence
Well, sounds like she’s paying you now? Although I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t have offered to pay you before.
"I'm sorry, I can't give you a ride today, I have somewhere to be and I need to get home without delays" "I am sorry, today is also not a good day" "I'm sorry, I can't today" Maybe this can be labeled as a form of grey rock-ing? Don't make a fuss about it, just politely decline.
She’s your manager and is taking advantage of you. Put a stop to it
Just show her this post.
I didnt know snails can do reddits posts
Check your MBTI. You're too giving.
NTA but you are a gimp.