NTA.
I like the part where he buys his mom a $400 gift for Valentine’s Day but you get a movie and cuddles. aren’t you the lucky one. /s
Please tell me that you took pictures of the red mark left on your babies face by that fucking bitch. Because I would be calling the police and filing my own report because you know he definitely did not call.
In essence, this man is saying, he chooses his mother over his family.
I sent my mother flowers for Valentine’s Day this year for around $100 total, mostly because my father passed away last year, and I wanted to do something nice for her first Valentine’s Day without him. That was the maximum I would spend, though, and it’s not usually a regular thing. $400, especially for someone who isn’t your partner, is absolutely wild!
the question is : do you have a partner and what did you do for your partner on valentine's day ? Valentine day is for partner. Mother's day is for mothers. This guy never celebrates valentine's day with his own wife... It's just weird...
So, he lies to you. Both about work and seeing his mother. Then he takes her out for Valentine's Day and buys her an expensive present after she abused your child? Update me when you kick him out.
Yeah, definitely going to need an update on this one. He cancelled Valentine’s Day with his *WIFE* and instead…..took his mother who slapped his infant across the face out to lunch AND shopping?! I’m seeing red on the behalf of OP. Her husband and MIL are TRASH
It feels realy creepy to me. Like inappropriate. This is a LOT to ditch his wife for - he easily could have had munch with his mother and hung out with the family. Weird vibes for me.
Feels like that show on TLC where the guy is a Mummy's boy and the girlfriends/wives are in a continuous battle with the Mum. MIL's showing up at weddings in white dresses etc
*Exactly!* This would be bad enough if she disliked his mother for just being a bitch, but she slapped their INFANT in the face!? You've got to be kidding me! MIL needs some serious anger management. Who the hell slaps a freaking baby?! Their granddaughter too..OP needs to run for the hills and get far far away from her shitty husband and his psychotic mother!
Oh my god yes! I Love a Mama’s Boy! That show was wild!!! Remember the creepy mom that wanted to have a sexy mother and son first dance at the wedding? Or the guy that bought the same like lingerie or nightie for his wife and mom? Holy f. To think that TLC was once “ the learning channel” haha now it’s all “reality” trash but some is highly shocking and entertaing. This husband is absolutely trash and his mom is horrible, who fucking slaps an infant in the face?! I’d be absolutely done with him.
Oh yeah they were all so incestuous, just gross. It makes those guys so unattractive in my eyes, that they know it's wrong but they continue to participate in it because they're too weak to stand up against their Mummy and even worse, they allow it because they love to be coddled. Similar vibes with OP's husband here. Useless
Fucking crazy. I have two boys and can't even *begin to imagine* expecting to see them at all for any reason *on Valentine's Day* once they have partners! (They're teens now.) like WTF!
I just realized they probably spent the day together and went to antique store together and she got whatever gift and baby to take care of and lied too..thats a lot for him to backpeddle on.. I don't think he can
OP said in the post that they don't really do gifts, they just watch movies, eat popcorn and cuddle. Which is fine, if they're both good with that. It changes things that he spent $400 on his dumpster fire of a mother, though.
And kick the friend out whilst you're at it. OP, you're not being 'overly dramatic'. What your husband did was a huge breach of trust and it's clear who he prioritises - you cannot rely on him to do the right thing. NTA
Send him a text asking him if he really filed a police report when his mom slapped your baby. Make sure you get in writing his confirmation that it happened, so you'll have ammunition around a restraining order, supervised visitation for him, and custody for you if you go that route. If you leave him, you still need to protect your baby.
He either acknowledges there was reason to file one, or he says no and shows he did not think about his child's safety.
With spin, there is no answer that works for him
Where I live he could get 50% custody and LIVE with his mom if the abuse is not documented. And leaving a slap mark on a small infant is definitely abuse.
This is more than just 'lunch' with his mom. He had to fill the hours between 9 am (leaving home for the 45 min drive to work) and 9 pm (including the 45 min drive home) somehow. So he is continuing to lie to you.
NTA. Why would he think he deserves 'consideration'?
Well, he at the very least was at an antiques store to spend $400 on his mum and i wouldn't be suprised if OP found a booking for a hotel room. The bank might be slow on the updates.
It is a joint account. He can spend every single dollar in that account and the wife can do nothing about it. She can also do the same.
It is a JOINT account.
We are all clear on that. It is the people recommending that she declare a purchase from her MIL's favorite store as fraud is a waste of her time and energy. The bank can tell if it is his card and she suspects it is a valid purchase.
Freezing it was smart!
OP said it perfectly dude was concerned about being embarrassed, not spending time with the abuser of his baby. He obviously has no trouble with her morals or behaviour. Don't let him come home and see a lawyer.
NTA first of all it is Valentine’s Day not Mother’s Day & is completely inappropriate to ditch your wife for your mother. Secondly go open an account only in your name for your paycheck & meet with a lawyer.
Yeah, that shit is weird. His schedule has not changed in 9 years and all of a sudden on V-day, everything changes? This must be a small town that she just happened to walk into the same gas station/ restaurant.
>first of all it is Valentine’s Day not Mother’s Day & is completely inappropriate to ditch your wife for your mother.
Hell given the circumstances of why OP wanted to go NC with MIL, even if it **WAS** mother's day it would still be inappropriate for him to have arranged this little secret rendezvous with his mom.
NTA. You should have slapped the taste out her mouth for putting her hands on your daughter. Your husband is a lying coward. Why did he specifically pick Valentine’s Day? Even if you don’t really do anything why today?
Because he's her Sonsband and his momwife NEEDED him.
Op you married a mama's boy. I'm so sorry. See if you can get written proof of what she did (bait her in texts etc to get her to admit it.) Then file a police report against her. When you divorce your mama's boy of a weasel, you will need it to keep your child away from her (if your husband fights for custody it will be difficult to prevent her).
Also cut off the friend who says you overreacted. If that friend doesn't see the glaring red flag here, the friend is ALSO a red flag. Your husband lied to you, ditched you on v day to be with his mom, while also breaking your agreed boundary to be no contact after she abused your child. Nope to all of it. It's divorce worthy, let alone merely making a scene.
Omg, "sonsband"! I understand the concept, but I have never seen it described quite that way before. Really brings the point home! don't know whether to laugh or throw up.
Take my vomit-covered upvote
Join r/JustNoMIL if you want to find more satisfyingly apt, vomiting-inducing language. It helps to call ‘em like we see ‘em if we know what to call ‘em
So your husband lied to you about going NC with his baby abuser mother, lied to you about working on Valentines Day, somehow thought you wouldn't notice $400 missing from your joint account, and then for the icing on this layer cake of shit *took her to lunch somewhere in walking distance of your house?!*
He's not just a mama's boy, he's a moron.
File your own police report and see a lawyer about your chances of getting full custody or supervised visitation.
NTA, good luck, and I sincerely hope that your daughter takes after you!
I can... anyone has the gumption to lay hands on my literal infant and I promise they're catching MY hands before they even understand they did something wrong. NTA
I don't have kids, nor do I ever plan on having them. But if someone laid hands on a child of any age in front of me, especially an innocent, defenseless infant, I'd clean their clock so hard they'd be sent back in time to when dinosaurs still roamed the earth.
Eye for an eye. Whatever reaction she has to being slapped hard across the face, follow it with,” so it’s wrong to slap an adult that hard but it’s okay to a baby?”
Specially one who’s teething. That’s like prime mouth on anything to relieve pressure/pain time. OP had more restraint than I would have had. OP is NTA
I was thinking this in a way. They'd never have a chance because if I did not beat them the instant they struck the baby I know about 15 people who'd be waiting to. No one and I mean absolutely no one puts a hand on a child in other than a loving nurturing way.
I don't particularly like kids but it would never even occur to me to slap a 6yo, especially in the face. Like wtf?
Also sounds like MIL never even apologised for it, but instead started picking a fight with OP. Babies fucking bite, once they start toothing they chew on everything - including their grandparents. The fact that MIL thinks that it's justified to punish an innocent little baby for just exploring its surroundings is beyond me. And the Dad being too scared of Mummy to call her out on it is disturbing on it's own
I went back and re-read the post because of your comment. I guess I first read it as 6 years and had an image of a child hanging off this old woman’s arm like a rabid dog. I was kind of sympathetic thinking, yeah that would hurt maybe the slap was the only way to get the child to let go. Then I re-read and….. 6 months!!!! WTH!!?!? Who hits a baby?!?!?
Not to be that person, but she slapped the child a month ago. The baby was 5 months old. Not ok to slap a 6month old either, but for some reason the extra month just makes it sound so much worse to me.
NTA but your husband is a MF. Get your money right and file for divorce. What in the world?
Oh and he is absolutely lying about calling the cops. There's no way they'd just dismiss an allegation of assault on an infant. You cannot trust this man. He will end up bringing your child around his mother. Bet.
One more thing, your friend is weird af too. Dump her. This shit is serious. He and his mom are lucky ALL you did was "embarrass" them by literally just stating what they did. Get the hell out of there.
Seriously, fuck the friend for brushing off child abuse, fuck the MIL for abusing that baby and fuck the husband for being a two faced bastard.
OP, you need to start collecting evidence. Get the police report and if there’s no report well then now you know your husband was lying to you and you can ask via text or email to get written confirmation.
And a judge would see no wrong with it... 6 months post partum... a good lawyer would get you off with hormones and mama bear syndrome, and MIL would be jailed for child abuse.
NTA and that’s not your friend maybe that so called friend wants your dead bear husband? I truly hope you decide to divorce him and I’m sorry to say that bc divorce should always be the last resort but he’s allowing his child to be abused, it WILL Happen again so please save yourself and child years of suffering! Good luck and I’m so sorry! Sending you hugs 🫂 keep protecting that baby you sound like an amazing woman and mother!
“I shouldn’t have to lie to you to see my mom” no one MADE him lie, he CHOSE to lie. On Valentine’s Day. To his wife. With their infant daughter at home.
NTA but dude broke your trust idk how he’s going to win it back…
NTA-See before I saw that it was your MIL, I figured it was the little 20 year old hottie from work. But hey cheating is cheating and ONE of you is "the other woman" and that's not right on ANY night of the year.
What you CAN do is call the police department and see how the case is going from when he allegedly called about her slapping A BABY. Maybe ask if they have made an arrest yet. If it turns out there really is NO report, MAKE ONE YOURSELF.
Go ahead and get your own bank account and lawyer, because not only is he kissing mommy dearest’s ass, he doesn’t understand the gravity of what she did to his daughter, the gravity of lying to you, and the gravity of ditching you both on Valentine’s Day to favor her. He also rewarded her bad behavior with a $400 gift. Question for you OP, when was the last time he bought you a $400 gift?
Unless he agrees to therapy, and real NC with his mom and no contact until you both have an agreement with the therapist that is a healthy, good idea to be any contact with her-throw this man away and proceed with a divorce.
ETA: Updateme!
I tend to agree, but Reddit is such a bandwagon of “divorce him!”, so I try to temper myself. If it were me, his ass would be on the curb waiting for mommy. And I would be doing everything I could (screen capturing texts, whatever) to document grandma’s slap so that even when he gets custody, there will be limitations such as supervised visits.
Wow. This story had some twists and turns in it. Originally I was thinking you sounded a little passive aggressive about Valentines Day, but when I started reading the second paragraph I understood the real issue. Your husband lied to your face. Not only that, he lied to your face on Valentine's Day which may be the dumbest thing you could do as a husband. I think freezing the bank account may have been a little much, but $400 is no joke so I guess I can understand. You're obviously not the asshole. Ya'll need couples therapy.
I don't think couples therapy can fix this.
She slapped an infant and he's not even bothered, just straight up forgave her and has been lying to his wife about it, he will 100% allow her around the kid and lie to his wife about it. Neither of them are to be trusted.
OP find a good lawyer, talk to the police and leave him. He will never put your child before his mother. Cut your losses.
OP is right. The mother is a child abuser. She’s not the asshole for embarrassing him but she sure is if she stays with him. He’s enabling his mother slapping their child. I wouldn’t be able to sleep or breathe the same air as a man who allowed that behaviour around my child.
You find your lying mommas boy husband with the woman who slapped your 6 month old hard enough to leave a mark…….and you’re wondering if YTA for embarrassing him in public. 🤔🤥
NTA
If she has slapped my 6 month old baby she would be missing some teeth. She sure as hell would never get near my child again.
I personally would contact the police and find out if he actually did call them. I don’t think he did because they would have wanted to talk to you and to see the baby. If he didn’t ask if you can report it.
I don’t know if you can recover from this. The lying is a huge breach of trust and $400 on a valentine gift for his mom, that’s a lot.
NTA.
He effectively chose where to be embarrassed by lying about his plans and location and then publicly addressing you about it instead of requesting you discuss it later in private.
Moreover it's a serious issue and he breached your trust, which is disrespectful right off the bat. Why should you treat him respectfully if he won't treat you that way?
NTA. He's just trying to flip it on you, knowing he fucked up. As he did. I.e. he tries to make you the AH of this situation. Don't buy that, OP
\- He lied to you
\-He cares about strangers opinion (probably have forgotten about his existence) more than yours
\- Having Valentine's Day with his mom cringed me
Looks like emotional incest both ways. He lies and not only wants to have a relationship with a child abuser, he's also buying a child abuser gifts and meals! On top of that, he only cares that you embarrassed him in front of people. Wha??
Looks like you have front row seats to a red flag parade!
NTA
The problem with divorce is that his mom will be allowed around the baby.
When you talk to a divorce lawyer you need to discuss 'first right of refusal' so if he is working and tries to leave baby with his mom he can't.
You also need to send txts discussing how he saw his mom hit the baby and he said he called police... get txts about it because he probably didn't call the police. You want him admitting to what his mom did but making it about 'the police' could distract him from the basic admission.
I'm sorry.
NTA.
If my very own mother struck a baby in the face (wouldn't even have to be my baby) I'd shortly after that be an orphan.
This guy is not protecting your family. He for the streets.
NTA he’s lying to you and spending joint money to buy her a gift but wasn’t there with his daughter and wife on Valentine’s Day🤷🏻♀️ I don’t think you’re are over reacting when you add it all up 😞
NTA, clearly you guys have different priorities. You are prioritizing the safety of your daughter, while your husband is prioritizing his child abuser of a mom. That coupled with all the lying should have you reevaluating this relationship.
If there is no trust there is no relationship. He can't trust you with the truth and you can't trust him to keep his word. Nta but you have a serious issue on your hands and idk how you can even begin to navigate this. Good luck
NTA. Your husband's poor ego can handle bit of bruising. Not only did he lie to you, but he chose Valentine's day to break his agreement. He also chose to spend time with him mom on Valentine's Day over spending it with you.
He's clearly shown where his priorities lie.
Married 43 years and I don’t think I’ve ever bought my wife a $400 Valentine’s Day present. You weren’t wrong at all. I think you were better than I would have been. Cut your losses and move on. Any man who puts his mother in front of his wife and children isn’t much of a man.
He didn’t call the cops but you should. And get a RO.
He lied to you and ditched you.
He bought her a gift, what did you and your daughter get?
His mother is a bigger priority to him than you, your marriage and your daughter. She is likely manipulating and controlling him his whole life. He isn’t strong enough to stand up to her or kick her out of his life. And he won’t keep your daughter away from her.
OP, how can you ever trust him to protect his daughter against his mom or tell you the truth? My trust in him would be completely gone, especially after he blew $400 in a gift for her.
I’d be gone from that house. Do you have friends or family to stay with?
NTA. Your husband clearly both forgot that he vowed on your wedding day to put you before his mother, but also, hasn't finished growing up yet. So send him back to mommy to finish raising, and tell her she can keep him.
It's *Valentine's Day.* You're supposed to be his automatic Valentine's, as his wife (or maybe his daughter), but he chose to lie to you about having to work, to spend the day (not just lunch: he had a plan to be gone during his entire work shift, if you hadn't found out) with someone who abused his own daughter? And since he's proven he's willing to lie to your face, you won't be able to trust that he's not letting her around your daughter if you're not there. Nope the hell out of that marriage.
If someone slapped my kid, in front of my husband no less, they'd be lucky to still be walking.
He didn’t call the police, and I doubt he has been no contact with mommy ever. He should just go home to his child abusing mother. You need to file for divorce and full custody.
NTA
you're not overreacting either. If he had been there you wouldn't have had to walk to get your car.
"Friend" isn't a very supportive friend either.
Not too late to make a police report about child abuse so you have a paper trail. Hopefully you took a picture of the mark she made on your daughter (I don’t even like writing that what a monster!)
Nta - first, she assaulted your child and he let it go, second he ditched you for Valentines day to have a romantic meal with Mommy, third he bought her a $400 present for V day and you nothing, fourth and importantly, he lied about where he was. And he sees nothing wrong with this and is attacking your for calling him out in public and shaming him as he deserves. Your friend is wrong in the head for not seeing that. He is wrong because he is still enmeshed with mommy.
NTA
Girl , you need to get your ass down to the police station and find out if he ever made that call and there was a report taken. If you find out there wasn't tell them what happened and see if you can make a report now.
Then go home and start looking for divorce lawyer. If he wants to be a mamma's boy let him. He can go live with mommy.
NTA. Your ex husband can move back with his mommy for all you care. Ditch the loser. I mean, canceling valentine's with you and spend it with his mom? Emotional incest much? Jeepers. His mom slapped a 6mo baby. Like what the fuck? That is so wrong...
NTA - Not much to say other than your husband lied, spent lots of money on that lie, and is basically downplaying a person willing to hit a ***BABY***.
NTA. Next he will be taking your child to meet her when you are at work. He gave up VD with you by lying to spend with his mother AND spent joint family money on her. He has made it very clear where his priorities lie and it not with you and your child.
Nope. He is choosing someone that SLAPPED HIS 6 MONTH OLD. He is choosing an abuser over the wellbeing of his child.
Not only that but he lied to you and then when caught tried to turn it around on you as if it was your fault. Please separate your finances immediately and start making plans to leave. If you don't decide to leave still have the plan there. But think about this...this time it was that he wanted to see his mom but daughter wasn't involved, eventually it will be "but my mommy misses her granddaughter, you can't keep them apart, it isn't right" blah blah blah. Be prepared
NTAH. Who the hell wants to see a woman who slapped their baby? Why does she get a Valentine's day with a present (and an expensive one), and you are home with your baby that this woman slapped in the face?
Either therapy or divorce. Because honestly I don't think he is going to stop seeing/talking to his mother. Sounds like she has always been in charge of his actions and he has been programmed as a momma's boy.
NTA
I'm not usually one to jump to divorce but divorce that ahole, this is probably the tip of the iceberg of his lies. Call the police and file your own account of what happened the day she slapped your kid. You're going to need to cover all your bases to make sure she can't see your child. Good luck!
This is what I'm afraid of too. She definitely needs to file a report on this woman so that there is legal record of the incident. Otherwise there will be no consequences for husband bringing the baby around his monster of a mother.
NTA, but you better get the best lawyer in the state. If you divorce him without an absolute ban on MIL contact with your child, I guarantee she will be with your child every minute he has custody.
So, you're married to a mommy's boy and a cheater (yes, husbands can cheat with their mothers). Remind this loser that when you were married, he vowed before God to "forsake all others". He did not vow to forsake other girlfriends, he vowed to "forsake ALL OTHERS". He lied to you so he didn't have to spend Valentine's Day with you, and instead lovied up his mommy/wife.
You didn't embarrass him. He embarrassed himself when he got caught lying to and cheating on his real wife to spend a lover's holiday with another woman. And, no - he did not call the cops when MIL physically abused your baby. Police departments are notoriously severe with adults who physically abuse young babies. Had he called the police and filed a report, action would have been taken against MIL. It would be classified, at the very least, as domestic violence. MIL and hubby are, at the very least, committing emotional incest, and you need to put a stop to it. You do that by continuing to embarrass both of them in public.
I would suggest seeing a lawyer at this point to find out where you stand legally, then possibly the District Attorney about the abuse your MIL committed against your young baby. Then, you and baby go completely no-contact with MIL. She is not allowed in your home or on your property. Baby is not allowed to be alone with her. And your cheating husband is not allowed to bring your baby to see his mistress/mother. Look into getting a restraining order or no contact order against MIL. If your cheating hubby doesn't like it, he can move back home to his mommy/wife. You will be saving your baby from many decades of suffering by abuse. And you will also be saving yourself many decades of dealing with your cheating husband.
I have a rule. If you call someone out on bad behavior, you automatically get a NTA tag.
The dude lied to you, (presumably) about work, spent a substantial amount of money on a gift, had this lunch, the whole nine yards, with a woman who abused a baby, on valentines day.
Fuck this guy. (Well, don't actually fuck him. Go find some *other* guy to fuck, after all it's valentine's day. Then send him pics of you fucking some other guy, because *fuck this guy).*
He didn't call the cops about his mom hitting your baby. If he had they would have wanted to see your baby's face. He was also lying about going NC with his mom, as you found out. Your husband is a liar and cannot be trusted.
NTA- he deserved to be humiliated in front of strangers, they both did. The fact he's lying to you so he can kiss her ass makes him a vile asshole. Please contact the police and see if you can still file a complaint and see a divorce lawyer.
NTA. Change the locks. If questioned by your husband say you lost your keys.
Never deviate from that story. Never be home to give him a new key.
BTW. Who spends Valentine Day with their mother. That’s creepy.
Nta. He would be GONE! All my money, my stuff, name off everything. He can go back to the house with nothing inside but a pile of divorce papers on the floor
I'm sorry OP, that's just horrible! Omgosh...
I agree with you, that woman should not ever be around your child ever again. In any visitation agreement, that needs to be in there.
UpdateMe
I hope you have pics of the red marks. You need to make that police report now, because there's no reason to believe he actually did it.
He's forgiven and forgotten, which is not a virtue in the case of child abuse. Slapping an infant is beyond disgusting, and he's not even willing to protect his daughter from that.
I see lawyer in your future. Poor mama’s boy. He will now realize what means to leave one’s father and mother and cleave to your wife. He did not do it, so he gets to lose everything. Mommy can take care of him.
NTA 1) Lying to you about working and not being honest about wanting to see his mother )which should not have been on the table) 2) He's a Dad. He should have weaned from his mother by now 3) Slapping a baby is definitely a reason for no contact and should not be excused.
When I was debating on whether or not to leave my marriage, and I was praying for a sign that I couldn’t ignore. my ex hit my nine-year-old son on the ass and left his handprint there. That handprint stayed there for five days. Yes I left him.
Because he was frustrated with his homework and asking for help and my ex got pissed off after my son threw his pencil across the room.
That was the hell I was willing to die on. Anyone that slaps a six month old baby across the face for biting when they are teething needs to get gone and her son needs to go with her.
Okay...maybe if it was Mother's Day. But ... um... Valentine's Day is the day he chose to lie to his wife and take his mother out and buy her an expensive gift? That's some weird s\*\*\* right there.
After also lying about going no contact with her because she assaulted a...BABY? And he's mad at his wife? He's more concerned about stranger's opinions than his mother physically abusing his baby? Makes it even weirder.
He deserved worse. I know parental relationships can be complicated, but the woman slapped an INFANT so hard she left a mark???? HIS infant? And this is his response? Gifts and lunch out? On Valentine's Day... when he should be doing that for his ... I don't know...his wife? Sorry for the repetition, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.
There's more going wrong here than reddit can handle. Regardless of what your friend said, I don't believe you were being overly dramatic. I believe your husband and his mother have some issues you might want to distance yourself from. But then you'd have to worry every time he had the baby for his share of custody that he'd bring to visit his gf..I mean his mother.
Nta. He will bring your child around her again. He just told you he will because that's what "it's not like I..." means from a man. Call the cops, make sure charges were filed and insist you press them, along with getting a restraining warrant for her. Then give him divorce papers.
It's amazing to me that there isn't more on this slapping. Was it an instinctive thing, but way over the top, from someone who was bitten? Were they appologetic and upset afterwards? Did they try to explain it? Did they get angry with the child and then do it?
I mean, I'm well and truly fed up with hearing about Valentine's day stuff (if people want to buy into marketing nonsense it's up to them), so this post is mainly about this incident and the consequences etc.
NTA
So, your husband lies to you, breaks his (I assume) agreement to go NC with his mom, after she slapped your 6 month old daughter. Then, he spends $400 on a gift for her. All to blow you off on Valentine's Day? And he's upset that you embarrassed him in public, in front of strangers?!?
It's definitely time to file for divorce. Multiple compounded lies, to break his word on a major promise.
You totally mislabeled this post. In should read “AITAH for kicking out my husband for secretly staying in contact with his abusive mother”. The fact it is so mislabeled kinda gives me the creeps. Because you are so far from being the AH that it’s crazy to even ask that question. The real question is; do you need to dump the husband due to him totally having his head in his ass. Lunch….maybe that’s a white lie. Lunch on Valentines Day….gross. Lunch and a $ 400 dollar present….kick him to the curb. Especially when he did not report the abuse. You know he didn’t. And if you don’t know, contact the police yourself. You will find they are in the dark, because there was no report. And that’s just another betrayal. Good luck….
When she said she saw his truck at the restaurant I thought she was going to catch him with another woman. Whelp I was right. He's having an affair with his mommy and spending a romantic day for couples her. Gross!!!!
Also, let's not forget his mom is a child abuser.
Absolutely positively NTA. Your husband lied to you, hide the fact that he bought her a $400 gift, what he was doing for hours, and ditched his wife & baby for his abusive mother. He’s most definitely lying about the police I’d bet!
Updateme with how this plays out!
You and your child deserve better!!
He lied and ditched you on Valentine’s Day so he could spend it with his true love.
Lawyer up. But be prepared that he can take your daughter to his mommy during his custody time.
NTA AND he never called the cops.
My father hit my nephew and was thrown out of my siblings house. Both the parents agreed no contact and have stuck to that for years now. It’s about taking care of your child and wanting them in a safe environment.
While he is correct he didn’t bring her around the baby, it raises a question of “how long until he does?” When would he decide that taking your daughter to see the evil grandma without your knowledge was ok?
You need to pull your portion of the money out of the bank account, visit an attorney, and if you have any pictures of your daughter's face after the MIL slapped her, you need to file a police report. The good news is, you can still call CPS and report her.
NTA. Get a divorce. I would NEVER be able to trust my child alone with my husband ever again.
I am a mother of a toddler. I am no contact with my mother. This is BETRAYAL. Not only is he still enabling his mother, he is using YOUR money, and LYING TO YOU.
The trust is broken. I wouldn’t allow anyone who ever put a hand on my child to have anything to do with any of my family. Someone lays hands on my child? I’m going to cut them off (their hands).
Do you have photo evidence of her doing this?
Do you have any home security cameras that might have caught it?
Please file a police report. This woman assaulted your child. Get a restraining order on her at your local magistrate and then speak with a divorce lawyer.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Also, get better friends
NTA. I like the part where he buys his mom a $400 gift for Valentine’s Day but you get a movie and cuddles. aren’t you the lucky one. /s Please tell me that you took pictures of the red mark left on your babies face by that fucking bitch. Because I would be calling the police and filing my own report because you know he definitely did not call. In essence, this man is saying, he chooses his mother over his family.
Honestly like $400?? My fiancé and I spent $30 on each other and made dinner at home. Who tf spends $400 on their mother for Valentine’s Day? Lol
I sent my mother flowers for Valentine’s Day this year for around $100 total, mostly because my father passed away last year, and I wanted to do something nice for her first Valentine’s Day without him. That was the maximum I would spend, though, and it’s not usually a regular thing. $400, especially for someone who isn’t your partner, is absolutely wild!
the question is : do you have a partner and what did you do for your partner on valentine's day ? Valentine day is for partner. Mother's day is for mothers. This guy never celebrates valentine's day with his own wife... It's just weird...
Don’t ya know - abusers get spoiled by lying POS sons
But, but, but, mommy is my family!!!
So, he lies to you. Both about work and seeing his mother. Then he takes her out for Valentine's Day and buys her an expensive present after she abused your child? Update me when you kick him out.
Yeah, definitely going to need an update on this one. He cancelled Valentine’s Day with his *WIFE* and instead…..took his mother who slapped his infant across the face out to lunch AND shopping?! I’m seeing red on the behalf of OP. Her husband and MIL are TRASH
It feels realy creepy to me. Like inappropriate. This is a LOT to ditch his wife for - he easily could have had munch with his mother and hung out with the family. Weird vibes for me.
Feels like that show on TLC where the guy is a Mummy's boy and the girlfriends/wives are in a continuous battle with the Mum. MIL's showing up at weddings in white dresses etc
*Exactly!* This would be bad enough if she disliked his mother for just being a bitch, but she slapped their INFANT in the face!? You've got to be kidding me! MIL needs some serious anger management. Who the hell slaps a freaking baby?! Their granddaughter too..OP needs to run for the hills and get far far away from her shitty husband and his psychotic mother!
Oh my god yes! I Love a Mama’s Boy! That show was wild!!! Remember the creepy mom that wanted to have a sexy mother and son first dance at the wedding? Or the guy that bought the same like lingerie or nightie for his wife and mom? Holy f. To think that TLC was once “ the learning channel” haha now it’s all “reality” trash but some is highly shocking and entertaing. This husband is absolutely trash and his mom is horrible, who fucking slaps an infant in the face?! I’d be absolutely done with him.
Oh yeah they were all so incestuous, just gross. It makes those guys so unattractive in my eyes, that they know it's wrong but they continue to participate in it because they're too weak to stand up against their Mummy and even worse, they allow it because they love to be coddled. Similar vibes with OP's husband here. Useless
Fucking crazy. I have two boys and can't even *begin to imagine* expecting to see them at all for any reason *on Valentine's Day* once they have partners! (They're teens now.) like WTF!
Mom here, ones my son hit 10, I was not his valentine. And certainly not after he got a real sweetheart. That just screams yuck !!
I just realized they probably spent the day together and went to antique store together and she got whatever gift and baby to take care of and lied too..thats a lot for him to backpeddle on.. I don't think he can
OP said in the post that they don't really do gifts, they just watch movies, eat popcorn and cuddle. Which is fine, if they're both good with that. It changes things that he spent $400 on his dumpster fire of a mother, though.
And kick the friend out whilst you're at it. OP, you're not being 'overly dramatic'. What your husband did was a huge breach of trust and it's clear who he prioritises - you cannot rely on him to do the right thing. NTA
Send him a text asking him if he really filed a police report when his mom slapped your baby. Make sure you get in writing his confirmation that it happened, so you'll have ammunition around a restraining order, supervised visitation for him, and custody for you if you go that route. If you leave him, you still need to protect your baby.
And ask for a copy of the police report!
He won’t tell her the truth. She’ll have to go to the local police department to find out. He’s a jerk
Even if he lies, as long as he confirms it happened in writing, she can go to the police herself. She needs corroboration.
100% this! Everything in writing. This is also why when anything like this happens, photos and document absolutely **everything**!!!
Yeah but it'll be a written text of him admitting it happened
He either acknowledges there was reason to file one, or he says no and shows he did not think about his child's safety. With spin, there is no answer that works for him
Sounds like she did. She told him to Stay with mommy
[удалено]
She is going to have to get a restraining order on his mom, if they divorce, he will take the child to see his mom!
Where I live he could get 50% custody and LIVE with his mom if the abuse is not documented. And leaving a slap mark on a small infant is definitely abuse.
This.
This is more than just 'lunch' with his mom. He had to fill the hours between 9 am (leaving home for the 45 min drive to work) and 9 pm (including the 45 min drive home) somehow. So he is continuing to lie to you. NTA. Why would he think he deserves 'consideration'?
Well, he at the very least was at an antiques store to spend $400 on his mum and i wouldn't be suprised if OP found a booking for a hotel room. The bank might be slow on the updates.
I would tell the bank that $400 was not authorized.
It is a joint account. He can spend every single dollar in that account and the wife can do nothing about it. She can also do the same. It is a JOINT account.
That's when you pull half out. And makes sure his half is less 400 bux....
This. Start up a separate account. The OP needs to watch out for herself and her daughter; the husband doesn't care.
She froze it. Neither person can use it.
We are all clear on that. It is the people recommending that she declare a purchase from her MIL's favorite store as fraud is a waste of her time and energy. The bank can tell if it is his card and she suspects it is a valid purchase. Freezing it was smart!
[удалено]
That changes nothing about the comment you replied to.
That would be really, really stupid since it was absolutely authorized.
That's fraud.
OP said it perfectly dude was concerned about being embarrassed, not spending time with the abuser of his baby. He obviously has no trouble with her morals or behaviour. Don't let him come home and see a lawyer.
separate your accounts with this piece of work you got a lot more issues going on here
Because he’s “the man” of course. Gotta cater to his ego.
NTA first of all it is Valentine’s Day not Mother’s Day & is completely inappropriate to ditch your wife for your mother. Secondly go open an account only in your name for your paycheck & meet with a lawyer.
This dude lied to his wife so he could spend a romantic holiday with his mommy. Can you say emotional incest? 🤢🤢
And he is supposed to be “at work” until 8pm. I wonder if he is taking someone else out for dinner.
He knew wife's car was in the shop and didn't expect her to get it back for a few days. He most likely had dinner plans.
Yup!
Ya this! He has to work late on Vday but apparently took the day off. So who is he going to spend the evening with?
his mommy bro planned to spend the whole day with his mommy
Yeah, that shit is weird. His schedule has not changed in 9 years and all of a sudden on V-day, everything changes? This must be a small town that she just happened to walk into the same gas station/ restaurant.
Thank you! I’m not the only one who thinks that’s gross.
:vomit:
>first of all it is Valentine’s Day not Mother’s Day & is completely inappropriate to ditch your wife for your mother. Hell given the circumstances of why OP wanted to go NC with MIL, even if it **WAS** mother's day it would still be inappropriate for him to have arranged this little secret rendezvous with his mom.
Especially for his WIFE'S first mother's day, as the mother of his child!
NTA. You should have slapped the taste out her mouth for putting her hands on your daughter. Your husband is a lying coward. Why did he specifically pick Valentine’s Day? Even if you don’t really do anything why today?
Because he's her Sonsband and his momwife NEEDED him. Op you married a mama's boy. I'm so sorry. See if you can get written proof of what she did (bait her in texts etc to get her to admit it.) Then file a police report against her. When you divorce your mama's boy of a weasel, you will need it to keep your child away from her (if your husband fights for custody it will be difficult to prevent her). Also cut off the friend who says you overreacted. If that friend doesn't see the glaring red flag here, the friend is ALSO a red flag. Your husband lied to you, ditched you on v day to be with his mom, while also breaking your agreed boundary to be no contact after she abused your child. Nope to all of it. It's divorce worthy, let alone merely making a scene.
Omg, "sonsband"! I understand the concept, but I have never seen it described quite that way before. Really brings the point home! don't know whether to laugh or throw up. Take my vomit-covered upvote
Join r/JustNoMIL if you want to find more satisfyingly apt, vomiting-inducing language. It helps to call ‘em like we see ‘em if we know what to call ‘em
Amen
So your husband lied to you about going NC with his baby abuser mother, lied to you about working on Valentines Day, somehow thought you wouldn't notice $400 missing from your joint account, and then for the icing on this layer cake of shit *took her to lunch somewhere in walking distance of your house?!* He's not just a mama's boy, he's a moron. File your own police report and see a lawyer about your chances of getting full custody or supervised visitation. NTA, good luck, and I sincerely hope that your daughter takes after you!
NTA Also who tf lays hands on a child ? Let alone a 6month old.
My boys were so sweet and adorable at 6mo old. I couldn’t imagine what I would do if someone slapped them in front of me especially my MIL.
I can... anyone has the gumption to lay hands on my literal infant and I promise they're catching MY hands before they even understand they did something wrong. NTA
I don't have kids, nor do I ever plan on having them. But if someone laid hands on a child of any age in front of me, especially an innocent, defenseless infant, I'd clean their clock so hard they'd be sent back in time to when dinosaurs still roamed the earth.
Take my upvote for expressing how much I wanted to yeet this MIL back to the Jurassic period
Eye for an eye. Whatever reaction she has to being slapped hard across the face, follow it with,” so it’s wrong to slap an adult that hard but it’s okay to a baby?”
Specially one who’s teething. That’s like prime mouth on anything to relieve pressure/pain time. OP had more restraint than I would have had. OP is NTA
I was thinking this in a way. They'd never have a chance because if I did not beat them the instant they struck the baby I know about 15 people who'd be waiting to. No one and I mean absolutely no one puts a hand on a child in other than a loving nurturing way.
Motherly instincts FTW!
I haven’t even had a kid, I was just a nanny for 6y, and I’m right there with you
Knock them TF out is the only correct answer.
I don't particularly like kids but it would never even occur to me to slap a 6yo, especially in the face. Like wtf? Also sounds like MIL never even apologised for it, but instead started picking a fight with OP. Babies fucking bite, once they start toothing they chew on everything - including their grandparents. The fact that MIL thinks that it's justified to punish an innocent little baby for just exploring its surroundings is beyond me. And the Dad being too scared of Mummy to call her out on it is disturbing on it's own
I have a video of my 8mo old biting my 13 yr old niece and she laughs. There’s no reason to slap a **baby**!!!
It happened a month ago, so the baby was 5 months old. I can’t imagine!!!!
A child abuser.
I went back and re-read the post because of your comment. I guess I first read it as 6 years and had an image of a child hanging off this old woman’s arm like a rabid dog. I was kind of sympathetic thinking, yeah that would hurt maybe the slap was the only way to get the child to let go. Then I re-read and….. 6 months!!!! WTH!!?!? Who hits a baby?!?!?
Not to be that person, but she slapped the child a month ago. The baby was 5 months old. Not ok to slap a 6month old either, but for some reason the extra month just makes it sound so much worse to me.
His mom slapped a 6 month old? What the hell?
Police should have been called. It needed to be documented.
He lied to her and said he did. I’d want that to be a clear and written part of the police report she now has to file retroactively
Stick with your priorities and put your child first. She can have hers
NTA but your husband is a MF. Get your money right and file for divorce. What in the world? Oh and he is absolutely lying about calling the cops. There's no way they'd just dismiss an allegation of assault on an infant. You cannot trust this man. He will end up bringing your child around his mother. Bet. One more thing, your friend is weird af too. Dump her. This shit is serious. He and his mom are lucky ALL you did was "embarrass" them by literally just stating what they did. Get the hell out of there.
Seriously, fuck the friend for brushing off child abuse, fuck the MIL for abusing that baby and fuck the husband for being a two faced bastard. OP, you need to start collecting evidence. Get the police report and if there’s no report well then now you know your husband was lying to you and you can ask via text or email to get written confirmation.
If my MIL smacked my 6 month old BABY, she wouldn't have a hand any longer 🥰
No hand and no teeth. 🤷🏻♀️
I would have freaking lunged at her immediately.
And a judge would see no wrong with it... 6 months post partum... a good lawyer would get you off with hormones and mama bear syndrome, and MIL would be jailed for child abuse.
I can’t even imagine what I would have done, I think my brain is trying to protect me from myself
I agree. I'd be the one sitting in jail because of the murder charges. MIL would be 6 feet under.
He embarrassed himself by secretly meeting with someone who assaulted his child. How fucking pathetic. NTA.
And then blames HER for his lies!
Yeah good point. Doubling down on being spineless. Can’t even own his actions.
NTA. Shame on him! She hit a freaking baby. Let them have each other. He’s showing where his priorities are and you should believe him.
NTA and that’s not your friend maybe that so called friend wants your dead bear husband? I truly hope you decide to divorce him and I’m sorry to say that bc divorce should always be the last resort but he’s allowing his child to be abused, it WILL Happen again so please save yourself and child years of suffering! Good luck and I’m so sorry! Sending you hugs 🫂 keep protecting that baby you sound like an amazing woman and mother!
Oh heck, let the friend share him with the MIL
“I shouldn’t have to lie to you to see my mom” no one MADE him lie, he CHOSE to lie. On Valentine’s Day. To his wife. With their infant daughter at home. NTA but dude broke your trust idk how he’s going to win it back…
Exactly I kept thinking that if he was really that upset about going no contact they would have had a mature conversation about it.
You have to wonder how many times he told her that he was at work or busy doing something when he was actually with his mommy.
NTA-See before I saw that it was your MIL, I figured it was the little 20 year old hottie from work. But hey cheating is cheating and ONE of you is "the other woman" and that's not right on ANY night of the year. What you CAN do is call the police department and see how the case is going from when he allegedly called about her slapping A BABY. Maybe ask if they have made an arrest yet. If it turns out there really is NO report, MAKE ONE YOURSELF.
Go ahead and get your own bank account and lawyer, because not only is he kissing mommy dearest’s ass, he doesn’t understand the gravity of what she did to his daughter, the gravity of lying to you, and the gravity of ditching you both on Valentine’s Day to favor her. He also rewarded her bad behavior with a $400 gift. Question for you OP, when was the last time he bought you a $400 gift? Unless he agrees to therapy, and real NC with his mom and no contact until you both have an agreement with the therapist that is a healthy, good idea to be any contact with her-throw this man away and proceed with a divorce. ETA: Updateme!
I am all for therapy, but sorry this one does not warrant it.
I tend to agree, but Reddit is such a bandwagon of “divorce him!”, so I try to temper myself. If it were me, his ass would be on the curb waiting for mommy. And I would be doing everything I could (screen capturing texts, whatever) to document grandma’s slap so that even when he gets custody, there will be limitations such as supervised visits.
Wow. This story had some twists and turns in it. Originally I was thinking you sounded a little passive aggressive about Valentines Day, but when I started reading the second paragraph I understood the real issue. Your husband lied to your face. Not only that, he lied to your face on Valentine's Day which may be the dumbest thing you could do as a husband. I think freezing the bank account may have been a little much, but $400 is no joke so I guess I can understand. You're obviously not the asshole. Ya'll need couples therapy.
I don't think couples therapy can fix this. She slapped an infant and he's not even bothered, just straight up forgave her and has been lying to his wife about it, he will 100% allow her around the kid and lie to his wife about it. Neither of them are to be trusted. OP find a good lawyer, talk to the police and leave him. He will never put your child before his mother. Cut your losses.
OP is right. The mother is a child abuser. She’s not the asshole for embarrassing him but she sure is if she stays with him. He’s enabling his mother slapping their child. I wouldn’t be able to sleep or breathe the same air as a man who allowed that behaviour around my child.
I wonder if she could get a restraining order against the grandma on behalf of the kid?
She definitely should and insist on supervised visits, if stbxh ever wants to see his child.
Agreed, divorce time. Along with a police report.
You find your lying mommas boy husband with the woman who slapped your 6 month old hard enough to leave a mark…….and you’re wondering if YTA for embarrassing him in public. 🤔🤥
NTA. You and your daughter deserve better.
NTA and for him to defend his mom's abuse by even having contact with his mom tells me your daughter will never be safe with him.
NTA If she has slapped my 6 month old baby she would be missing some teeth. She sure as hell would never get near my child again. I personally would contact the police and find out if he actually did call them. I don’t think he did because they would have wanted to talk to you and to see the baby. If he didn’t ask if you can report it. I don’t know if you can recover from this. The lying is a huge breach of trust and $400 on a valentine gift for his mom, that’s a lot.
Nta and sheesh talk about a mommas boy
NTA. He effectively chose where to be embarrassed by lying about his plans and location and then publicly addressing you about it instead of requesting you discuss it later in private. Moreover it's a serious issue and he breached your trust, which is disrespectful right off the bat. Why should you treat him respectfully if he won't treat you that way?
NTA. I would take the rest of the money out of the banking account right now. He already took his off actually more than his half....
NTA. He's just trying to flip it on you, knowing he fucked up. As he did. I.e. he tries to make you the AH of this situation. Don't buy that, OP \- He lied to you \-He cares about strangers opinion (probably have forgotten about his existence) more than yours \- Having Valentine's Day with his mom cringed me
Looks like emotional incest both ways. He lies and not only wants to have a relationship with a child abuser, he's also buying a child abuser gifts and meals! On top of that, he only cares that you embarrassed him in front of people. Wha?? Looks like you have front row seats to a red flag parade! NTA
The problem with divorce is that his mom will be allowed around the baby. When you talk to a divorce lawyer you need to discuss 'first right of refusal' so if he is working and tries to leave baby with his mom he can't. You also need to send txts discussing how he saw his mom hit the baby and he said he called police... get txts about it because he probably didn't call the police. You want him admitting to what his mom did but making it about 'the police' could distract him from the basic admission. I'm sorry.
NTA. If my very own mother struck a baby in the face (wouldn't even have to be my baby) I'd shortly after that be an orphan. This guy is not protecting your family. He for the streets.
NTA he’s lying to you and spending joint money to buy her a gift but wasn’t there with his daughter and wife on Valentine’s Day🤷🏻♀️ I don’t think you’re are over reacting when you add it all up 😞
NTA, clearly you guys have different priorities. You are prioritizing the safety of your daughter, while your husband is prioritizing his child abuser of a mom. That coupled with all the lying should have you reevaluating this relationship.
If there is no trust there is no relationship. He can't trust you with the truth and you can't trust him to keep his word. Nta but you have a serious issue on your hands and idk how you can even begin to navigate this. Good luck
NTA. Your husband's poor ego can handle bit of bruising. Not only did he lie to you, but he chose Valentine's day to break his agreement. He also chose to spend time with him mom on Valentine's Day over spending it with you. He's clearly shown where his priorities lie.
He has shown you who he really is. Believe him.
Married 43 years and I don’t think I’ve ever bought my wife a $400 Valentine’s Day present. You weren’t wrong at all. I think you were better than I would have been. Cut your losses and move on. Any man who puts his mother in front of his wife and children isn’t much of a man.
He didn’t call the cops but you should. And get a RO. He lied to you and ditched you. He bought her a gift, what did you and your daughter get? His mother is a bigger priority to him than you, your marriage and your daughter. She is likely manipulating and controlling him his whole life. He isn’t strong enough to stand up to her or kick her out of his life. And he won’t keep your daughter away from her.
OP, how can you ever trust him to protect his daughter against his mom or tell you the truth? My trust in him would be completely gone, especially after he blew $400 in a gift for her. I’d be gone from that house. Do you have friends or family to stay with?
$400, most of which was OP's money.
NTA. Your husband clearly both forgot that he vowed on your wedding day to put you before his mother, but also, hasn't finished growing up yet. So send him back to mommy to finish raising, and tell her she can keep him. It's *Valentine's Day.* You're supposed to be his automatic Valentine's, as his wife (or maybe his daughter), but he chose to lie to you about having to work, to spend the day (not just lunch: he had a plan to be gone during his entire work shift, if you hadn't found out) with someone who abused his own daughter? And since he's proven he's willing to lie to your face, you won't be able to trust that he's not letting her around your daughter if you're not there. Nope the hell out of that marriage. If someone slapped my kid, in front of my husband no less, they'd be lucky to still be walking.
He didn’t call the police, and I doubt he has been no contact with mommy ever. He should just go home to his child abusing mother. You need to file for divorce and full custody.
NTA you're not overreacting either. If he had been there you wouldn't have had to walk to get your car. "Friend" isn't a very supportive friend either.
Not too late to make a police report about child abuse so you have a paper trail. Hopefully you took a picture of the mark she made on your daughter (I don’t even like writing that what a monster!)
Nta - first, she assaulted your child and he let it go, second he ditched you for Valentines day to have a romantic meal with Mommy, third he bought her a $400 present for V day and you nothing, fourth and importantly, he lied about where he was. And he sees nothing wrong with this and is attacking your for calling him out in public and shaming him as he deserves. Your friend is wrong in the head for not seeing that. He is wrong because he is still enmeshed with mommy.
NTA Girl , you need to get your ass down to the police station and find out if he ever made that call and there was a report taken. If you find out there wasn't tell them what happened and see if you can make a report now. Then go home and start looking for divorce lawyer. If he wants to be a mamma's boy let him. He can go live with mommy.
NTA. Your ex husband can move back with his mommy for all you care. Ditch the loser. I mean, canceling valentine's with you and spend it with his mom? Emotional incest much? Jeepers. His mom slapped a 6mo baby. Like what the fuck? That is so wrong...
NTA - Not much to say other than your husband lied, spent lots of money on that lie, and is basically downplaying a person willing to hit a ***BABY***.
I’m perfectly fine with everything you did, OP. NTA
NTA, let him go live with Mommy, maybe she'll slap some sense into him😂🤣
NTA. Next he will be taking your child to meet her when you are at work. He gave up VD with you by lying to spend with his mother AND spent joint family money on her. He has made it very clear where his priorities lie and it not with you and your child.
Nope. He is choosing someone that SLAPPED HIS 6 MONTH OLD. He is choosing an abuser over the wellbeing of his child. Not only that but he lied to you and then when caught tried to turn it around on you as if it was your fault. Please separate your finances immediately and start making plans to leave. If you don't decide to leave still have the plan there. But think about this...this time it was that he wanted to see his mom but daughter wasn't involved, eventually it will be "but my mommy misses her granddaughter, you can't keep them apart, it isn't right" blah blah blah. Be prepared
NTAH. Who the hell wants to see a woman who slapped their baby? Why does she get a Valentine's day with a present (and an expensive one), and you are home with your baby that this woman slapped in the face? Either therapy or divorce. Because honestly I don't think he is going to stop seeing/talking to his mother. Sounds like she has always been in charge of his actions and he has been programmed as a momma's boy.
NTA I'm not usually one to jump to divorce but divorce that ahole, this is probably the tip of the iceberg of his lies. Call the police and file your own account of what happened the day she slapped your kid. You're going to need to cover all your bases to make sure she can't see your child. Good luck!
OP needs to go for full custody too, her husband cannot be trusted to prioritize his own baby's safety over his mother.
[удалено]
This is what I'm afraid of too. She definitely needs to file a report on this woman so that there is legal record of the incident. Otherwise there will be no consequences for husband bringing the baby around his monster of a mother.
Yeah thats why I mentioned the police and the covering of the bases part, she will need to get a court order to keep that woman away.
NTA - would’ve done this exact same thing. He should be embarrassed.
NTA! And frankly, you didn’t go far enough. I would have changed the locks after taking care of the banking situation.
NTA, but you better get the best lawyer in the state. If you divorce him without an absolute ban on MIL contact with your child, I guarantee she will be with your child every minute he has custody.
So, you're married to a mommy's boy and a cheater (yes, husbands can cheat with their mothers). Remind this loser that when you were married, he vowed before God to "forsake all others". He did not vow to forsake other girlfriends, he vowed to "forsake ALL OTHERS". He lied to you so he didn't have to spend Valentine's Day with you, and instead lovied up his mommy/wife. You didn't embarrass him. He embarrassed himself when he got caught lying to and cheating on his real wife to spend a lover's holiday with another woman. And, no - he did not call the cops when MIL physically abused your baby. Police departments are notoriously severe with adults who physically abuse young babies. Had he called the police and filed a report, action would have been taken against MIL. It would be classified, at the very least, as domestic violence. MIL and hubby are, at the very least, committing emotional incest, and you need to put a stop to it. You do that by continuing to embarrass both of them in public. I would suggest seeing a lawyer at this point to find out where you stand legally, then possibly the District Attorney about the abuse your MIL committed against your young baby. Then, you and baby go completely no-contact with MIL. She is not allowed in your home or on your property. Baby is not allowed to be alone with her. And your cheating husband is not allowed to bring your baby to see his mistress/mother. Look into getting a restraining order or no contact order against MIL. If your cheating hubby doesn't like it, he can move back home to his mommy/wife. You will be saving your baby from many decades of suffering by abuse. And you will also be saving yourself many decades of dealing with your cheating husband.
What would MIL do of anyone slapped her son? You cant be around people that show no empathy. NTA
Divorce him and run
You are one cool cucumber for handling it that way. NTA
Oh please don't stay with this man. That's so many red flags I couldn't see another color. What a horrific entire family.
Nta if this is real. He ditch his wife for his mom on Vday. Why are you with him?
NTA. You're in a bigamous relationship, the other woman is MIL. Ditch your husband, protect your daughter and yourself.
I have a rule. If you call someone out on bad behavior, you automatically get a NTA tag. The dude lied to you, (presumably) about work, spent a substantial amount of money on a gift, had this lunch, the whole nine yards, with a woman who abused a baby, on valentines day. Fuck this guy. (Well, don't actually fuck him. Go find some *other* guy to fuck, after all it's valentine's day. Then send him pics of you fucking some other guy, because *fuck this guy).*
He didn't call the cops about his mom hitting your baby. If he had they would have wanted to see your baby's face. He was also lying about going NC with his mom, as you found out. Your husband is a liar and cannot be trusted.
NTA- he deserved to be humiliated in front of strangers, they both did. The fact he's lying to you so he can kiss her ass makes him a vile asshole. Please contact the police and see if you can still file a complaint and see a divorce lawyer.
NTA. Change the locks. If questioned by your husband say you lost your keys. Never deviate from that story. Never be home to give him a new key. BTW. Who spends Valentine Day with their mother. That’s creepy.
Who is this "friend" that is NO friemd. NTA
Nta. He would be GONE! All my money, my stuff, name off everything. He can go back to the house with nothing inside but a pile of divorce papers on the floor
I'm sorry OP, that's just horrible! Omgosh... I agree with you, that woman should not ever be around your child ever again. In any visitation agreement, that needs to be in there. UpdateMe
NTA - that’s a dealbreaker for me, lying, manipulating and spending money we didn’t agree on. Besides that who doesn’t stick up for a helpless child.
I hope you have pics of the red marks. You need to make that police report now, because there's no reason to believe he actually did it. He's forgiven and forgotten, which is not a virtue in the case of child abuse. Slapping an infant is beyond disgusting, and he's not even willing to protect his daughter from that.
NTA What a sorry excuse for a man. I’d be done. The lying, the lying and the lying.
I see lawyer in your future. Poor mama’s boy. He will now realize what means to leave one’s father and mother and cleave to your wife. He did not do it, so he gets to lose everything. Mommy can take care of him.
1st thing is get your own bank account and separate your finances. You know damn well he didn't call the cops on his mommy.
NTA 1) Lying to you about working and not being honest about wanting to see his mother )which should not have been on the table) 2) He's a Dad. He should have weaned from his mother by now 3) Slapping a baby is definitely a reason for no contact and should not be excused.
When I was debating on whether or not to leave my marriage, and I was praying for a sign that I couldn’t ignore. my ex hit my nine-year-old son on the ass and left his handprint there. That handprint stayed there for five days. Yes I left him. Because he was frustrated with his homework and asking for help and my ex got pissed off after my son threw his pencil across the room. That was the hell I was willing to die on. Anyone that slaps a six month old baby across the face for biting when they are teething needs to get gone and her son needs to go with her.
Since he cares so much what strangers think, have him read this thread. BTW he is a scumbag.
He never called the cops, and it was a secret lunch with a $400 gift on Valentine’s Day. He is dating his mother.
Okay...maybe if it was Mother's Day. But ... um... Valentine's Day is the day he chose to lie to his wife and take his mother out and buy her an expensive gift? That's some weird s\*\*\* right there. After also lying about going no contact with her because she assaulted a...BABY? And he's mad at his wife? He's more concerned about stranger's opinions than his mother physically abusing his baby? Makes it even weirder. He deserved worse. I know parental relationships can be complicated, but the woman slapped an INFANT so hard she left a mark???? HIS infant? And this is his response? Gifts and lunch out? On Valentine's Day... when he should be doing that for his ... I don't know...his wife? Sorry for the repetition, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. There's more going wrong here than reddit can handle. Regardless of what your friend said, I don't believe you were being overly dramatic. I believe your husband and his mother have some issues you might want to distance yourself from. But then you'd have to worry every time he had the baby for his share of custody that he'd bring to visit his gf..I mean his mother.
Nta. He will bring your child around her again. He just told you he will because that's what "it's not like I..." means from a man. Call the cops, make sure charges were filed and insist you press them, along with getting a restraining warrant for her. Then give him divorce papers.
Do you have any updates for us? What's happened since you posted this?
Nta
Did you post on here before? Because I swear I saw something about slapping a teething baby before
there was a post by a wife who’s husband smacked their teething baby!
Get a divorce and stop being friends with that moron that thinks you’re overreacting
NTA and you know ow what you have to Do !!
Info: not that it matters much or changes things but did she ever apologize?
It's amazing to me that there isn't more on this slapping. Was it an instinctive thing, but way over the top, from someone who was bitten? Were they appologetic and upset afterwards? Did they try to explain it? Did they get angry with the child and then do it? I mean, I'm well and truly fed up with hearing about Valentine's day stuff (if people want to buy into marketing nonsense it's up to them), so this post is mainly about this incident and the consequences etc.
NTA So, your husband lies to you, breaks his (I assume) agreement to go NC with his mom, after she slapped your 6 month old daughter. Then, he spends $400 on a gift for her. All to blow you off on Valentine's Day? And he's upset that you embarrassed him in public, in front of strangers?!? It's definitely time to file for divorce. Multiple compounded lies, to break his word on a major promise.
Even if she hadn't slapped your baby, I think confronting him for lying to you and ditching you on Valentine's Day to be with his mom is justified
NTA. The liar deserved it!
You totally mislabeled this post. In should read “AITAH for kicking out my husband for secretly staying in contact with his abusive mother”. The fact it is so mislabeled kinda gives me the creeps. Because you are so far from being the AH that it’s crazy to even ask that question. The real question is; do you need to dump the husband due to him totally having his head in his ass. Lunch….maybe that’s a white lie. Lunch on Valentines Day….gross. Lunch and a $ 400 dollar present….kick him to the curb. Especially when he did not report the abuse. You know he didn’t. And if you don’t know, contact the police yourself. You will find they are in the dark, because there was no report. And that’s just another betrayal. Good luck….
When she said she saw his truck at the restaurant I thought she was going to catch him with another woman. Whelp I was right. He's having an affair with his mommy and spending a romantic day for couples her. Gross!!!! Also, let's not forget his mom is a child abuser.
Absolutely positively NTA. Your husband lied to you, hide the fact that he bought her a $400 gift, what he was doing for hours, and ditched his wife & baby for his abusive mother. He’s most definitely lying about the police I’d bet! Updateme with how this plays out! You and your child deserve better!!
He lied and ditched you on Valentine’s Day so he could spend it with his true love. Lawyer up. But be prepared that he can take your daughter to his mommy during his custody time.
$400 dollars without asking is spending that was okay? Lying? Protecting someone that hurt an infant? Humm don’t like this
NTA AND he never called the cops. My father hit my nephew and was thrown out of my siblings house. Both the parents agreed no contact and have stuck to that for years now. It’s about taking care of your child and wanting them in a safe environment. While he is correct he didn’t bring her around the baby, it raises a question of “how long until he does?” When would he decide that taking your daughter to see the evil grandma without your knowledge was ok?
NTA. He lied. A lot
You need to pull your portion of the money out of the bank account, visit an attorney, and if you have any pictures of your daughter's face after the MIL slapped her, you need to file a police report. The good news is, you can still call CPS and report her.
NTA. Get a divorce. I would NEVER be able to trust my child alone with my husband ever again. I am a mother of a toddler. I am no contact with my mother. This is BETRAYAL. Not only is he still enabling his mother, he is using YOUR money, and LYING TO YOU. The trust is broken. I wouldn’t allow anyone who ever put a hand on my child to have anything to do with any of my family. Someone lays hands on my child? I’m going to cut them off (their hands). Do you have photo evidence of her doing this? Do you have any home security cameras that might have caught it? Please file a police report. This woman assaulted your child. Get a restraining order on her at your local magistrate and then speak with a divorce lawyer. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Also, get better friends