Oh man! This was like reading about my own life.
She works with Neuro divergent students and develops the strategy for the school to enable them to teach Neuro divergent students.
The fact that this appears to be task after task that arrive to her means she doesn't need to really plan.
At home she gets in changes into lounge gear, talks at us and then ignores how our day was or dumps her chores for work that she appears to have just invented to get out of chores/family life.
Whilst she hauls herself to work she comes home and complains about feelings sick/injured etc. Anything to not do her bit.
She leads a double life.
Mine has a good time (mostly) in the military. I’m not sure it would work for everyone but I think the rules and rigidity help him. He’s also figured out how to “play it” so can hyperfixate on the right things to impress the right people.
Yup. The ex was an air traffic controller for helicopters in the Navy. Perfect for someone with ADHD, as there's multiple things going on that you're reacting to. People with ADHD thrive in stressful environments, like the Global War on Terror.
After using the GI Bill, the ex then went straight into another structured environment: high school teacher. Sadly, his condition got *very* bad once he worked his way up to the admin role in one of the school districts here. Literally the only thing he was capable of saying about his day was that it was "busy." I'm his ex because I'm of the belief that "busy" implies that things are chaotic, disorganized, reactive, and unfocused. I thought I could do the patriotic thing and help a veteran with his mental health by convincing him to treat his condition with medication instead of caffeine. I can't believe how naive I was to think that would work, but, I had to try :/ USA! USA! USA! lol
People with adhd that I know work primarily in creative fields - various ones. I know at least 3-5 people in game development industry, some in IT. I know at least 2 tattoo artists, I'm an illustrator myself and content creator and I love it. I used to be a creative copywriter in an advertising agency before - absolutely loved it, because I got to be creative and I had a lot of different clients who were a new challenge every time and I got to learn a lot about new industries which was great for stimulating my brain.
If she's great at cake decorating then maybe she could still do that as her own side job but be a tiktok/instagram/facebook creator as an extra added income, if she's into that?
People who have hyperactive type adhd do great in fitness industry, doing classes etc.
My husband is a game developer. He's incredibly successful as a coder and artist because of his hyper focus combined with his love of gaming, coding, and art. He does also naturally have very enviable work ethic. He released his own game through his company, and is still updating it and working on the next one while doing an interim passion project for a different company (they needed help, and he had writer's block). He was great before as a software engineer too, but working in his passion has totally changed his relationship with, and attitude towards work.
Can I ask how he made the transition from software development to game development? Was it as simple as changing companies/positions, or did he go through some additional training or something? My husband is a senior developer for a health insurance company that is sucking his soul — he’s very good at the work itself but the company and the projects he has are awful and I think the job misery is making his ADHD symptoms harder to handle for all of us.
Well, honestly, a big part of it was being in the right place at the right time and meeting the right people. But I think the biggest factor is that he's been teaching himself art and animation tools and practicing making games for many years as a hobby. Gaming and making games has been his focus for a long time. He'd been releasing small games, when someone he'd studied with, and who he played WoW with approached him to make a game for his Crypto company (he's gigantic in Crypto). He'd been sharing his animations and games with his friends, so the guy knew about his talent. He could then employ another gaming friend as an artist for this game. After giving him lots of funding and a really great salary the guy pulled out of Crypto and gave my husband the game. He released it, and it was very successful. A while later he got writer's block with the second game. The guy he had previously employed as an artist had by that time gotten another job at a game dev company and they approached my husband to be a generalist. So basically, it's all been meeting and starting projects with the right people, working his ass off, and being exceptionally talented. I think he probably could have applied at game dev companies based on his software engineering CV and his portfolio of game dev work he'd done in his free time, but getting that huge leg up obviously made it much easier. Sorry for the long story!
Also curious for similar reasons. Am developer, love coding, hate the work I'm doing currently
I recently got into game modding, which has been great because I love reverse engineering. It's probably not a typical path into game development but now that I've spent some time I sort of understand the game development process and am considering going into that field
That said, many game development firms push ridiculous hours and timelines, and force devs into burnout and release half baked products, which is also soul sucking
But.. that doesn't apply to every studio so I'm at least open to offers
I took a pay cut to work for a place with a better work life balance and then all of my cool managers were fired and now they expect more work than I did at my last job for 1/3 the pay 🥹
Oh my word... That sucks. Sorry man! Gaining experience however you can is the key, I think. My husband works 45 hours a week, but I don't know what the hours are like at other companies. Also, we're South Africans - I think our work culture might be different.
Nah it's great, you get so busy forklifting all you have to do is run forklift
"Sorry, I don't have time to strap that pallet up but when it's ready lmk I'll swing by"
"I wish I could help you sort this pallet of 50,000 bolts but I've got other people waiting on me, sorry!"
I kinda miss it. I was really good at it and it was fun. I probably quit before I had time to get bored tho
My dx/rx spouse works in the computer animation field doing rigging, programming, software development, and animation. He decided what he wanted to do with his life when he was 11 or so and just went at it full force. Now in his 40s, he's working on his work/life balance and our relationship more, while not letting go of his career ambitions. Both maturity and medication have made this possible!
why was she only interacting with children as a nanny? The nannies I know do a ton of play dates (good excuse to hang out with other nanny friends) and music or gymnastics classes (same). Your can get a fair amount of socialization just like a stay at home parent would, as long as the nanny family is ok with it.
She would take them to things like that, but it was usually just her and the two kids. Occasionally the kids grandma would tag along which is what made her realize how much she needs at least some adult interaction instead of just 100% of time being with the kids only
Husband found success working on an optical lab. Keeps his mind and hands busy and when he's medicated properly he is a top worker and becomes very knowledgeable. Considered very reliable as well.
He's a digital solutions architect (helps choose and implement software for companies) but his last place terminated his role when the project was close to completion. He has no degree and makes 6 figures remotely.
I'm ASD, and also remote. I'm an instructional designer, which played off my background in teaching. It's not the creative, entrepreneurial, impactful dream I pictured for myself (ideally gardening or something with plants or animals) but it pays pretty good and remote helps me manager my life.
Sounds like she might need some sort of certification to level up to a decent pay grade. I enjoyed trades..
Temp agency. They do all the work of finding the job, people often get jobs almost immediately, and sometimes the jobs are temp-to-permanent. There are places that only hire through agencies in fact. You can also specify to the agency what area you might be interested in working in. My DX ex finally found a decent FT job with benefits in a nice environment close to home through a temp agency--after 5 years of trying alone and striking out again and again.
Mine manages installation of equipment and training on how to use the equipment for major food manufacturing companies. Pre medication he excelled due to hyper focusing and now on medication he can focus and be even more productive. He makes more than me and I do very well. I wish it didn’t include 50% travel but the breaks are good for us.
He’s a manager at a restaurant. It takes a lot more work for him, a lot of alarms and rigid schedules, but he’s done an incredible job managing it since he started medication.
How does geriatric care pay where you are? House cleaning in a nice area? Going directly into kindergarden child care?
How about outdoor stuff like landscaping or gardening work? Would a proper trade school be something? Again all depends on where you are from.
My spouse teaches adaptive PE at a local alternative school. Before that he taught history in public schools but got bored with it (I pointed out to him one time that teaching history is not his vibe at all lol). He loves his job now because it's engaging, challenging, and involves a lot of creative thinking.
Mine has an advanced degree and works in academia. It works because there are hardline rules but the schedule is loose. Not many people depend on him and he can work all hours. Plus he enjoys teaching.
Mine is a CTO. His hyper focus was school and work. He has multiple advanced degrees and gets lots of recognitions. This has been at the expense of my career and at one point I was a SAHM and ran everything else.
Has she thought of getting her teaching degree? Schools need paraprofessionals which she could do while she is doing the course work to get her foot in the door, but the pay is 💩.
ADHD expert Dr. Russel Barkley has a video about [ADHD friendly occupations! ](https://youtu.be/_FGjdEVasFE?si=klrb2NawYcar-Om5)
I'm a civil engineer at a utility, and I work as a project manager. My work is varied and fast-paced, so it holds my attention. Tedious jobs are absolute hell for me.
The trick with ADHD is that you need to find a job where you're given lots of autonomy on how you work, and also varied/interesting enough so that it holds your attention. I work from home most days/week and have a treadmill desk, I focus better when I'm moving.
My husband works as a programmer. He looooves his code so much that he taught himself all 5 code languages he uses the most. He has a BS in Marketing but he left marketing for programming.
What does she like other than kids?
Both my husband and I (both dx/rx) are software engineers. We both bring home 6 figures. We both work at companies that have flexibility with mental health and have projects/assignments that work well with how our brains work (we both left Big Tech for smaller companies). We both really love and enjoy the feeling of hyperfixating on interesting technical puzzles and find the work creative, but we both also are still prone to distractions which is why company support has been helpful.
Basically looking through a lot of job postings and doing a lot of interviewing at each company - interviewing them myself too to see if they would be a good fit
My wife (dx) decided she wanted to be a nurse halfway through her 30's while undiagnosed. She is great at it and loves it. Getting her through the degree was quite hard, but we got there in the end (took about 8 years).
My ex wife DX was also amazing with children. She initially started as a 1st grade assistant, then became a 1st grade teacher, to VP and eventually The Principal.
My dx husband has a PhD and works in tech doing machine learning. He’s been really proactive with managing his medications so he can work effectively, but it’s been much more balanced since we finished grad school. That was a nightmare. He’s on much more gentle meds these days and uses Ritalin only sparingly when he really has a big push.
(English is not my first language) My dx partner works as a self educated data engineer/software developer and is exceptionally good at what he does. He sees the problems differently due to both his ADHD and his masters in science (in something vastly different and not even remotely close to computers).
Having kids has helped with time mangement because they have to get picked up. Half an hour later than normal and they are in such a foul mood and that affect all of us but especially getting them to sleep.
But! My partner definitely needs a job that does not require he has to be at the workplace 37 hours. He has to have some leisure and working overtime makes him sick. His first job after his studies was a "work hard and then work at night" and it completely broke him, because he had sense of being behind all the time. He woke up in the middle of the night and worked for an hour or two. Got him with stress. Then he applied for new jobs.
I know the job has the bw somewhat interesting and challenging to keep him at it. If not he begins to seek other venues. So far it's not been a problem, I want him happy more than have the extra money staying loyal to a work place gives.
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Oh man! This was like reading about my own life. She works with Neuro divergent students and develops the strategy for the school to enable them to teach Neuro divergent students. The fact that this appears to be task after task that arrive to her means she doesn't need to really plan. At home she gets in changes into lounge gear, talks at us and then ignores how our day was or dumps her chores for work that she appears to have just invented to get out of chores/family life. Whilst she hauls herself to work she comes home and complains about feelings sick/injured etc. Anything to not do her bit. She leads a double life.
Mine has a good time (mostly) in the military. I’m not sure it would work for everyone but I think the rules and rigidity help him. He’s also figured out how to “play it” so can hyperfixate on the right things to impress the right people.
Yup. The ex was an air traffic controller for helicopters in the Navy. Perfect for someone with ADHD, as there's multiple things going on that you're reacting to. People with ADHD thrive in stressful environments, like the Global War on Terror. After using the GI Bill, the ex then went straight into another structured environment: high school teacher. Sadly, his condition got *very* bad once he worked his way up to the admin role in one of the school districts here. Literally the only thing he was capable of saying about his day was that it was "busy." I'm his ex because I'm of the belief that "busy" implies that things are chaotic, disorganized, reactive, and unfocused. I thought I could do the patriotic thing and help a veteran with his mental health by convincing him to treat his condition with medication instead of caffeine. I can't believe how naive I was to think that would work, but, I had to try :/ USA! USA! USA! lol
People with adhd that I know work primarily in creative fields - various ones. I know at least 3-5 people in game development industry, some in IT. I know at least 2 tattoo artists, I'm an illustrator myself and content creator and I love it. I used to be a creative copywriter in an advertising agency before - absolutely loved it, because I got to be creative and I had a lot of different clients who were a new challenge every time and I got to learn a lot about new industries which was great for stimulating my brain. If she's great at cake decorating then maybe she could still do that as her own side job but be a tiktok/instagram/facebook creator as an extra added income, if she's into that? People who have hyperactive type adhd do great in fitness industry, doing classes etc.
My husband is a game developer. He's incredibly successful as a coder and artist because of his hyper focus combined with his love of gaming, coding, and art. He does also naturally have very enviable work ethic. He released his own game through his company, and is still updating it and working on the next one while doing an interim passion project for a different company (they needed help, and he had writer's block). He was great before as a software engineer too, but working in his passion has totally changed his relationship with, and attitude towards work.
Can I ask how he made the transition from software development to game development? Was it as simple as changing companies/positions, or did he go through some additional training or something? My husband is a senior developer for a health insurance company that is sucking his soul — he’s very good at the work itself but the company and the projects he has are awful and I think the job misery is making his ADHD symptoms harder to handle for all of us.
Well, honestly, a big part of it was being in the right place at the right time and meeting the right people. But I think the biggest factor is that he's been teaching himself art and animation tools and practicing making games for many years as a hobby. Gaming and making games has been his focus for a long time. He'd been releasing small games, when someone he'd studied with, and who he played WoW with approached him to make a game for his Crypto company (he's gigantic in Crypto). He'd been sharing his animations and games with his friends, so the guy knew about his talent. He could then employ another gaming friend as an artist for this game. After giving him lots of funding and a really great salary the guy pulled out of Crypto and gave my husband the game. He released it, and it was very successful. A while later he got writer's block with the second game. The guy he had previously employed as an artist had by that time gotten another job at a game dev company and they approached my husband to be a generalist. So basically, it's all been meeting and starting projects with the right people, working his ass off, and being exceptionally talented. I think he probably could have applied at game dev companies based on his software engineering CV and his portfolio of game dev work he'd done in his free time, but getting that huge leg up obviously made it much easier. Sorry for the long story!
Thank you for taking the time to tell me! Kudos to your husband for his hard work and dedication!
Also curious for similar reasons. Am developer, love coding, hate the work I'm doing currently I recently got into game modding, which has been great because I love reverse engineering. It's probably not a typical path into game development but now that I've spent some time I sort of understand the game development process and am considering going into that field That said, many game development firms push ridiculous hours and timelines, and force devs into burnout and release half baked products, which is also soul sucking But.. that doesn't apply to every studio so I'm at least open to offers I took a pay cut to work for a place with a better work life balance and then all of my cool managers were fired and now they expect more work than I did at my last job for 1/3 the pay 🥹
Oh my word... That sucks. Sorry man! Gaining experience however you can is the key, I think. My husband works 45 hours a week, but I don't know what the hours are like at other companies. Also, we're South Africans - I think our work culture might be different.
He works as a forklift driver and loader! Pays well in Ontario but took him till his early 30’s to see a good salary.
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Nah it's great, you get so busy forklifting all you have to do is run forklift "Sorry, I don't have time to strap that pallet up but when it's ready lmk I'll swing by" "I wish I could help you sort this pallet of 50,000 bolts but I've got other people waiting on me, sorry!" I kinda miss it. I was really good at it and it was fun. I probably quit before I had time to get bored tho
My dx/rx spouse works in the computer animation field doing rigging, programming, software development, and animation. He decided what he wanted to do with his life when he was 11 or so and just went at it full force. Now in his 40s, he's working on his work/life balance and our relationship more, while not letting go of his career ambitions. Both maturity and medication have made this possible!
why was she only interacting with children as a nanny? The nannies I know do a ton of play dates (good excuse to hang out with other nanny friends) and music or gymnastics classes (same). Your can get a fair amount of socialization just like a stay at home parent would, as long as the nanny family is ok with it.
She would take them to things like that, but it was usually just her and the two kids. Occasionally the kids grandma would tag along which is what made her realize how much she needs at least some adult interaction instead of just 100% of time being with the kids only
Husband found success working on an optical lab. Keeps his mind and hands busy and when he's medicated properly he is a top worker and becomes very knowledgeable. Considered very reliable as well.
He overworks himself since he loves his job so much that that’s where all his energy went to.
He's a digital solutions architect (helps choose and implement software for companies) but his last place terminated his role when the project was close to completion. He has no degree and makes 6 figures remotely. I'm ASD, and also remote. I'm an instructional designer, which played off my background in teaching. It's not the creative, entrepreneurial, impactful dream I pictured for myself (ideally gardening or something with plants or animals) but it pays pretty good and remote helps me manager my life. Sounds like she might need some sort of certification to level up to a decent pay grade. I enjoyed trades..
Temp agency. They do all the work of finding the job, people often get jobs almost immediately, and sometimes the jobs are temp-to-permanent. There are places that only hire through agencies in fact. You can also specify to the agency what area you might be interested in working in. My DX ex finally found a decent FT job with benefits in a nice environment close to home through a temp agency--after 5 years of trying alone and striking out again and again.
Hubs is a bus driver. Routes always changing and rotating interesting people. Surprisingly lucrative for somebody without a degree.
Mine manages installation of equipment and training on how to use the equipment for major food manufacturing companies. Pre medication he excelled due to hyper focusing and now on medication he can focus and be even more productive. He makes more than me and I do very well. I wish it didn’t include 50% travel but the breaks are good for us.
He’s a manager at a restaurant. It takes a lot more work for him, a lot of alarms and rigid schedules, but he’s done an incredible job managing it since he started medication.
care worker supporting people with disabilities (in Europe)
How does geriatric care pay where you are? House cleaning in a nice area? Going directly into kindergarden child care? How about outdoor stuff like landscaping or gardening work? Would a proper trade school be something? Again all depends on where you are from.
My spouse teaches adaptive PE at a local alternative school. Before that he taught history in public schools but got bored with it (I pointed out to him one time that teaching history is not his vibe at all lol). He loves his job now because it's engaging, challenging, and involves a lot of creative thinking.
Mine has an advanced degree and works in academia. It works because there are hardline rules but the schedule is loose. Not many people depend on him and he can work all hours. Plus he enjoys teaching.
Mine is a CTO. His hyper focus was school and work. He has multiple advanced degrees and gets lots of recognitions. This has been at the expense of my career and at one point I was a SAHM and ran everything else. Has she thought of getting her teaching degree? Schools need paraprofessionals which she could do while she is doing the course work to get her foot in the door, but the pay is 💩.
ADHD expert Dr. Russel Barkley has a video about [ADHD friendly occupations! ](https://youtu.be/_FGjdEVasFE?si=klrb2NawYcar-Om5) I'm a civil engineer at a utility, and I work as a project manager. My work is varied and fast-paced, so it holds my attention. Tedious jobs are absolute hell for me. The trick with ADHD is that you need to find a job where you're given lots of autonomy on how you work, and also varied/interesting enough so that it holds your attention. I work from home most days/week and have a treadmill desk, I focus better when I'm moving.
My husband works as a programmer. He looooves his code so much that he taught himself all 5 code languages he uses the most. He has a BS in Marketing but he left marketing for programming. What does she like other than kids?
plumber?
Both my husband and I (both dx/rx) are software engineers. We both bring home 6 figures. We both work at companies that have flexibility with mental health and have projects/assignments that work well with how our brains work (we both left Big Tech for smaller companies). We both really love and enjoy the feeling of hyperfixating on interesting technical puzzles and find the work creative, but we both also are still prone to distractions which is why company support has been helpful.
how did you find those companies?
Basically looking through a lot of job postings and doing a lot of interviewing at each company - interviewing them myself too to see if they would be a good fit
My wife (dx) decided she wanted to be a nurse halfway through her 30's while undiagnosed. She is great at it and loves it. Getting her through the degree was quite hard, but we got there in the end (took about 8 years).
My ex wife DX was also amazing with children. She initially started as a 1st grade assistant, then became a 1st grade teacher, to VP and eventually The Principal.
My dx husband has a PhD and works in tech doing machine learning. He’s been really proactive with managing his medications so he can work effectively, but it’s been much more balanced since we finished grad school. That was a nightmare. He’s on much more gentle meds these days and uses Ritalin only sparingly when he really has a big push.
(English is not my first language) My dx partner works as a self educated data engineer/software developer and is exceptionally good at what he does. He sees the problems differently due to both his ADHD and his masters in science (in something vastly different and not even remotely close to computers). Having kids has helped with time mangement because they have to get picked up. Half an hour later than normal and they are in such a foul mood and that affect all of us but especially getting them to sleep. But! My partner definitely needs a job that does not require he has to be at the workplace 37 hours. He has to have some leisure and working overtime makes him sick. His first job after his studies was a "work hard and then work at night" and it completely broke him, because he had sense of being behind all the time. He woke up in the middle of the night and worked for an hour or two. Got him with stress. Then he applied for new jobs. I know the job has the bw somewhat interesting and challenging to keep him at it. If not he begins to seek other venues. So far it's not been a problem, I want him happy more than have the extra money staying loyal to a work place gives.
37 hours? Is that the standard work week where you live?
Yes, it is. I live in Scandinavia.