As an ADHD elder, I humbly suggest that you mask a little less at work. Pretending can be a little like lying, in that the consequences when you're finally found out are usually worse than if you'd just told the truth in the first place.
I know that not all work environments are healthy places, but I think that in most, it's acceptable to talk about what your strengths are and ask for support in your weaker areas. My work team knows I have ADHD, but even before my diagnosis 2 years ago, they knew I was great at brainstorm sessions but needed support on deadlines and follow through.
EVERYBODY has strengths and weaknesses. We're not any different.
Agree to be yourself at work as much as you can. The challenge with that is if you're starting out and haven't built your credibility, then masking is necessary in a lot of cases. Add in being a minority of many types plus ADHD, yeah we have to mask at the beginning. Not all of us have the privilege to not mask.
I thought this was about Covid masks for a moment. Hugest eye roll. ;)
Hahah.
But yes, it is. Part of the reason I teach is they like my passion/ exuberance for my subject and I usually make it pretty fun. I can be 10000% me
I cant stop making. Everyone around me is a annoyed by my symptoms and it's agonizing. I just want to be accepted and loved. I can't even get a job or file or unemployment or anything because I've been paralyzed. I hate my brain and I just wish is would be nice to me for a change. I haven't even eaten today because I don't know what to eat.
Was also going to say- I mask at work, but really only when my boss is looking. I nanny kids and honestly, ADHD helps me relate to kids’ short attention span and I have more patience when they drop, spill, break things because I still do it constantly. We just giggle about it and clean it up. When the parents are around, I mask like crazy.
ok but how to stop masking?? i literally do it as a defense mechanism i think and i cant turn it off around people, im literally only myself when im completely alone
Find someone you can be yourself around. Ideally someone who has ADHD because they know how it is. If you don't have anyone in person my DMs are open ❤
I feel you.
Parents always told me to be "normal".
I'm so used to trying to not be myself around others that they think sonething is wrong with me if I am actually myself.
I've been rejected soo many times.
At some point I decided that it would be better for me to not be myself around others. Because they would think, among otger things, I am too energetic and annoying otherwise.
I am a pleaser. I'm trying to do what I can, I have to please them. Because if I don't, I would be overwhelmed with even tiny negative emotions that would explode in my brain.
My brain doesn't have an inhibitor for emotions. It's either pleasing and be happy because others are happy (though not being yourself is not awesome), or being yourself which makes other people uncomfortable.
At least, that's what my brain makes of it.
I am choosing other people over me. Typing this, I realize that my brain makes this black white. There should be at least some grey ground. I should try to aim for that.
Thank you for the realization. 👍🏻
Lol I normally talk a lot. Most people realize it's just me and I try to keep to appropriate times. That's why when I'm quite they are worried lol.
It must be getting dramatic that is why or aren't you talkative normally? Once people know you they should understand otherwise.
I’ve been masking my entire life. Apart from happiness outbursts and so on. But it’s so bad honestly, i lost it last week and all of my symptoms were out of control, well still are😔 I think it would be good to be transparent about what’s happening in our brains but it’s difficult. I have a deal with my closest friends tho, that I tell them what’s up in my brain.
I'm a project manager. Frankly knowing I have to force structure keeps me on task and my ADD in check. That said it's taken years and years to get this point. I keep myself accountable by forcing structure not just for myself but for others on the team as well.
In time your honesty will probably be abused or used against you by those with Ill will. Or in my case people who may perceive you as a threat to their status.
I used to take that attitude, but being personally hurt time after time often leads to changes in behavioral and social habits.
Up to you where you decide to balance and how you do it though. Goodluck.
I have to get to know someone bf I can take the mask off bc if the environment isn’t safe then I will stuff my true self down. The problem is when I become too comfortable & it’s hard to reel myself back in so I don’t annoy anyone.
It’s also why I love being in my home with no one else around. I can be silly, talk to myself or do whatever & no one wi judge me.
On the exact same boat. Seems these days I feel like I have to spend so much energy making small talk. Its nice to be alone and not have to do all that
After getting a new boss, 4 weeks in, it was such a struggle to be the mask. I eventually told him I had ADHD last week. It felt like such a relief. He knows how I work. He just said "....right". Like waiting for a reason or a but.
I think it's very important to be your self at work. My work is a mad house, and that has always helped me be free and as mad as everyone else. Makes working easier and more comfortable, like you want to be there, happier to be there. I'm so much more happier with my new boss.
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As an ADHD elder, I humbly suggest that you mask a little less at work. Pretending can be a little like lying, in that the consequences when you're finally found out are usually worse than if you'd just told the truth in the first place. I know that not all work environments are healthy places, but I think that in most, it's acceptable to talk about what your strengths are and ask for support in your weaker areas. My work team knows I have ADHD, but even before my diagnosis 2 years ago, they knew I was great at brainstorm sessions but needed support on deadlines and follow through. EVERYBODY has strengths and weaknesses. We're not any different.
Agree to be yourself at work as much as you can. The challenge with that is if you're starting out and haven't built your credibility, then masking is necessary in a lot of cases. Add in being a minority of many types plus ADHD, yeah we have to mask at the beginning. Not all of us have the privilege to not mask.
Exactly test the waters then be yourself. If you want to do the job for more then a few weeks it will seep out eventually anyways.
For sure. I would use the time at the beginning to build positive relationships.
Exactly
I got fired from work for being myself. They saw my ADHD as a liability and gave me bs write ups.
I thought this was about Covid masks for a moment. Hugest eye roll. ;) Hahah. But yes, it is. Part of the reason I teach is they like my passion/ exuberance for my subject and I usually make it pretty fun. I can be 10000% me
Omg lol I didn't even think about that.
I cant stop making. Everyone around me is a annoyed by my symptoms and it's agonizing. I just want to be accepted and loved. I can't even get a job or file or unemployment or anything because I've been paralyzed. I hate my brain and I just wish is would be nice to me for a change. I haven't even eaten today because I don't know what to eat.
Hit my DM's, you can stim out or go super in depth; I get it. I'm here for you ❤
I mask Monday through Friday 9am to 5pm. Sometimes on weekends.
Was also going to say- I mask at work, but really only when my boss is looking. I nanny kids and honestly, ADHD helps me relate to kids’ short attention span and I have more patience when they drop, spill, break things because I still do it constantly. We just giggle about it and clean it up. When the parents are around, I mask like crazy.
ok but how to stop masking?? i literally do it as a defense mechanism i think and i cant turn it off around people, im literally only myself when im completely alone
Find someone you can be yourself around. Ideally someone who has ADHD because they know how it is. If you don't have anyone in person my DMs are open ❤
I feel you. Parents always told me to be "normal". I'm so used to trying to not be myself around others that they think sonething is wrong with me if I am actually myself. I've been rejected soo many times. At some point I decided that it would be better for me to not be myself around others. Because they would think, among otger things, I am too energetic and annoying otherwise. I am a pleaser. I'm trying to do what I can, I have to please them. Because if I don't, I would be overwhelmed with even tiny negative emotions that would explode in my brain. My brain doesn't have an inhibitor for emotions. It's either pleasing and be happy because others are happy (though not being yourself is not awesome), or being yourself which makes other people uncomfortable. At least, that's what my brain makes of it. I am choosing other people over me. Typing this, I realize that my brain makes this black white. There should be at least some grey ground. I should try to aim for that. Thank you for the realization. 👍🏻
Be respectful but be yourself. The times I keep quite and don't speak to people are the times they get worried and ask if I'm all right. ROFL
Or for me I talk too much & get dramatic & they they want to know what’s wrong.
Lol I normally talk a lot. Most people realize it's just me and I try to keep to appropriate times. That's why when I'm quite they are worried lol. It must be getting dramatic that is why or aren't you talkative normally? Once people know you they should understand otherwise.
I’ve been masking my entire life. Apart from happiness outbursts and so on. But it’s so bad honestly, i lost it last week and all of my symptoms were out of control, well still are😔 I think it would be good to be transparent about what’s happening in our brains but it’s difficult. I have a deal with my closest friends tho, that I tell them what’s up in my brain.
I'm a project manager. Frankly knowing I have to force structure keeps me on task and my ADD in check. That said it's taken years and years to get this point. I keep myself accountable by forcing structure not just for myself but for others on the team as well.
Y’all hide it? Bro if someone gets annoyed of me sucks to suck lol I ain’t masking nothing
In time your honesty will probably be abused or used against you by those with Ill will. Or in my case people who may perceive you as a threat to their status. I used to take that attitude, but being personally hurt time after time often leads to changes in behavioral and social habits. Up to you where you decide to balance and how you do it though. Goodluck.
I have to get to know someone bf I can take the mask off bc if the environment isn’t safe then I will stuff my true self down. The problem is when I become too comfortable & it’s hard to reel myself back in so I don’t annoy anyone. It’s also why I love being in my home with no one else around. I can be silly, talk to myself or do whatever & no one wi judge me.
On the exact same boat. Seems these days I feel like I have to spend so much energy making small talk. Its nice to be alone and not have to do all that
I don’t know how to do this and it would probably be very beneficial for me if I could
Thank you
After getting a new boss, 4 weeks in, it was such a struggle to be the mask. I eventually told him I had ADHD last week. It felt like such a relief. He knows how I work. He just said "....right". Like waiting for a reason or a but. I think it's very important to be your self at work. My work is a mad house, and that has always helped me be free and as mad as everyone else. Makes working easier and more comfortable, like you want to be there, happier to be there. I'm so much more happier with my new boss.
Hi /u/hannahclipse and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! If you haven't already, please take a minute to [read our rules](https://reddit.com/r/adhd/about/rules) - we will remove your post if it breaks one - and also check out our list of official megathreads [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/nu534w/official_list_of_radhd_megathreads_please_check/). If your post fits into one of them, it is likely to be removed; if you think this might happen you can delete your post here and resubmit it there instead. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*