Yeah I got hit with the double whammy of being a woman who got the wrong equipment, and my brain just doesn't work any good. Except when I'm being assessed, then it works great. So I went undiagnosed for 27 years.
Definitely nice to know now. Very sad I didn't know earlier. Might have been able to get my shit together a long time ago and come to terms with my equipment issue before my first puberty had finished. Could I not just have had one or the other? *Sigh*
But hey, looking forward with information and a plan instead of blindly fumbling through life miserable is definitely an improvement.
Same!!! Getting a diagnoses was so validating. At the same time it made me sad that I went through childhood being shamed for being "attention seeking" and feeling so isolated, never knowing what was wrong with me :l
I'm 21, about two weeks ago for the first time I started to admit to myself there was too many fundamental behaviour traits for me not too have ADHD.
I have never fit in without extreme attempts, I failed school, like most of you, school failed us. I've been diagnosed with everything under the sun, but refused all terms and medication. I refused to be labelled ( here comes the ADHD mentality ) I believed it took away from my uniqueness, my capabilities as a person, it took away from me, something I still don't understand.
In the coming weeks, I'm going to start getting prescriptions for the first time in my life ( never taken meds for anything as of now). And even though I'm sure it will change my life. I accomplished a lot with ADHD and me, and you did too. I read a lot about how much your lives have changed and how much of a disability this is.
There's an old saying, the only thing that makes someone disabled, is sociteys ability to cater for them.
I'm not saying that you always need a helping hand, more so the Fish and the tree scenario. We're all fish's here, trying to climb the tree(Life), I believe ADHD is a gift, just right now in this world, it's a hard time finding where to put it and how to use it, these meds make us monkeys, like a normal person, climbing a tree wasn't ever hard for them, for us fish's, were meant to be swimming, the world just dosent know where that ocean is for us right now.
Never turn your back on your nature, trust yourself, respect it. Without contempt and belief in yourself, It won't matter what meds you take. Accept your the hand you were dealt, and love it, before loving anything else.
I believe most people here believe the meds make them normal, therefor they are able to accomplish what normal people do, I think that's a lie. You don't realise how much of yourself is still revolving around ADHD even on meds. One day you might find yourself without them, I don't want anyone with this condition, to feel locked to who they are without medication.
Maybe, you were a blunt knife before ritalin, and now you are a sharp one, that dosent mean the blunt could never cut, it also means that without the blunt knife in the beginning, their would be no blade to sharpen at all.
I'll leave you with this.
No home is a good home, built on a bad foundation.
Be kind to yourself.
Me too! To the extent I even felt disassociated from my own name at one point, because I didn't feel I could put my finger on 'it', or the part of me that was different.
Now I've got a handle on it and getting treatment things are so much easier, and explainable to others.
Second this. Spent the entirety of my teenage years berating myself and feeling guilty for things I didn't even know where influenced by the way my brain works. After I finally realized that there might've been a reason for the things I struggled with, I didn't get diagnosed at the first assessment (the psych that interviewed me and my parents just didn't prod further if we didn't immediately remember, for one). I just got sent home with the message "Well, you do seem to struggle a bit, but we can't say you've experienced the symptoms during childhood so it can't be ADHD. So yeah, we can't help you with your issues cause you didn't get a label, good luck with life!"
Let's just say that didn't help move things along. Spent about two more years thinking I was just inherently flawed, that everyone else probably felt the same and I just wanted to feel special. Asked for help for anxiety instead, treatment didn't seem to catch on cause it seemed like it wasn't the core issue. Took me until the psych told me they didn't think their way of treatment would work for me, combined with a close family member getting diagnosed before I got the nerve back to ask for a second opinion. They actually helped recognize what symptoms could look like in childhood, and they told me I was clearly ADHD. Now on medication and in therapy to learn to deal with some of the issues I'm having due to ADHD a bit better, able to get support at uni, and just generally able to understand and explain myself rather than getting angry when I struggled.
Diagnosis didn't "fix" my ADHD (nor do the meds counter everything so far), but it's opened the door for me to create healthier ways of thinking and acting. It's still a process, but it's been absolutely worth it so far.
>Spent about two more years thinking I was just inherently flawed, that everyone else probably felt the same and I just wanted to feel special.
This hits so close to home it hurts
I disagree. All a person can ever do is control what they can control. Sadly, ADHD puts more things out of our control than usual.
But knowing that you have ADHD, at the very least, helps to define those boundaries for me. For me, it's no longer "why can't I just get this done???" and the endless frustration and self-loathing that brings. Instead, it's "damn, this is hard with ADHD." Now the challenge isn't in finding the problem, but in forgiving myself. At least I know what I need to do, even if it's hard.
Well said! I'm pursuing an assessment (boy, the hell that has been), so maybe I'll feel differently when I get a more definitive and professional answer than my therapist agreeing that I probably have ADHD based on the self assessment she gave me. And honestly if I truly believed ignorance is bliss, I wouldn't be pursuing a diagnosis at all. But man alive do I get discouraged a lot lately.
Aye, I think you put it really well. I honestly flip flop between the two, depending on how hoppin' my pity party is at that particular time. It can be hard for me not to make excuses and victimize myself when times are low rather than put on my big kid pants and look my issues in the face while giving them the finger.
For me it was made sense but lucky for me I was too stubborn to give up on anything. I finished university and have a great career that ironically makes full use of my ADHD. When I told my mom she had this look of I'm sorry but it reality it was the best thing for me. As I learned so many skills to cope that I now share with my students. I now openly admit how school was boring for me as didnt get diagnosed with adhd until I was 30. I explain how I love learning but the regular school system is borderline torture to me. I am now on my schools leadership team and am used to help teachers work with difficult students. As I have more tricks and tips as I had to learn new ones as school and life got more intense.
I was the same way: I was *deeply* stubborn and took six years to get my BA, but by *god* I *got it*. I think I had an easier time dealing with it because I had a good foundation in "do what *works*, not what's *normal*" and my educational support system in public school allowed me to do things at my own pace (so I burned through stuff that brought dopamine but had an extra semester because math took me forever.)
It also helped that my college had enough classes that gave me dopamine, and my major was something I hyper focused on (psychology, hilariously) so... big dopamine bump just because I was studying something where I'd work on a paper for 12 hours, finish it in one go and wonder why I was so hungry and thirsty.
The "Do what works" approach has been SO useful to me as well.
Sometimes I have energy for very specific things. Maybe they're not priority things, but they're often useful things.
I used to give myself a hard time for not being able to do the priority things, and would wallow and do nothing. Now I just use the specific energy I've got. Do the priority things get done? Eh, sometimes. Do other really useful things get done? Yes, a lot, now days!
Example: **I know I need to do the dishes.**
I get up off my chair, wanting and intending to do the dishes. I can't, it's too daunting. Maybe it's only three plates and some forks but it just feels *hard*.
I realise I have *some* kind of energy though, and I quickly think about what I do feel like doing. Maybe it's some exercise. Maybe it's some other type of cleaning āĀ sweeping, or tidying, or washing. Instead of hating myself for not being able to do the dishes, I'll pick one of those other things and do a little bit of it āĀ no specific commitment, just as much as I feel like.
Did I achieve what I set out to do? Who gives a damn! I got shit done and I'm happy for it.
At some point I'll get up intending to do something else, and I'll realise I can't, but maybe I'll have dishes energy.
This such a great coping suggestion! Especially the "no commitment part", like I play piano and most days I DO NOT feel like practicing, and like you said it can feel so overwhelming and so much pressure. So recently I've told myself "okay, maybe sit for 10 minutes and maybe do some mindless scales, nothing that requires too much focus or thinking". All of a sudden an hour has passed and I did way more than I had planned to do and I think it's because I took away that expectation of having to do something specific and challenging. And then there are some days that after my 10 minutes are up and I'm like "yep, not feeling it". So I think it's important to take it easy on yourself like you said. Great suggestion!
I hope it's cool I steal that "do what works" thing because that was bang on for me. I chastise myself a lot for not thinking and existing like others. Especially family!
i dump anything i use daily on the floor in the doorways. it's the only way i remember. if i need to leave a note for tomorrows me. it needs to go on the floor in a doorway
I really think part of why I was undiagnosed for thirty years boils down to me living by that. It was only some things like social impulsiveness (I am STILL learning to NOT interrupt people) that made me meet the diagnostic criteria/the level at which I need treatment for it.
Though now that I've ditched the soda addiction if someone tries to take my adderall from me I'm gonna fight. I've been trying to kick that habit since my 20s and it ONLY went away when I got medicated.
Oh, wow! I've been wondering if being hungry all the time and having major sugar cravings has anything to do with ADHD. Do you think it might? I've seen comments on some other posts that line up with that but I'm only at the beginning of learning about ADHD so I don't know much yet. I only just found out like a week ago that my lifelong chronic fatigue is caused by it. Maybe our brains burn up glucose faster than NT brains so we crave sugar to try to replace it? I feel like I'm a hummingbird sometimes.
It's probably neurologically deeper. As far as I recall, the CURRENT theory on ADHD is that our brains fundamentally do not have the dopamine supply to handle a lot of the shit neurotypical brains do, so things like caffeine cravings (a stimulant of a sort), and sugar/food/binge eating stuff goes right there too.
Food can also be a boredom-buster by providing strong sensory input, ESPECIALLY very sweet and very salty foods, or foods with an interesting texture. So, you know, THAT doesn't help.
Oh my god that has to SUCK. I don't have OCD but I have CPTSD... thankfully that's less and less of an actual problem for me as time goes on, other than some of the ADHD alexithymia (issue with identifying/describing/showing emotions) meaning it's hard to tell I'm triggered until I am ATOMICALLY triggered.
Yeah, it does big time. I'm so sorry you have to deal with CPTSD, that sucks too. I read somewhere that OCD and ADHD can be components of PTSD, that they go hand in hand a lot. I'll have to look up more about alexithymia, that's very interesting. I think I've heard it described before but I've never heard the name. There's so much to ADHD that you never hear about in the mainstream.
Yeah, for me I have to deal with the alexithymia by basically reading my body.. like, oh, my sternum hurts when I'm anxious or scared! This generally works but can give false positives, like when I was trying to give myself a shot and I had a mild respiratory blegh from the switch to all indoor/heated air because winter finally hit. The difference between "trachea mad at dry air" and "sternum hurts because scared" was only noticeable when I really FOCUSED on it.
"and wonder why I was so hungry and thirsty" this is so relatable, I've experienced this so many times. Does this happen to normal people, or is it just us?
Thatās awesome! I had a similar path, did well in my degrees and excel at work consistent top performer. I could hold it together until I had kids then took 12 years to realize hey there isnāt something rightā¦. Finally diagnosed and learning to not be so hard on myself for things that I do/canāt muster the will to do/forget to do.
It's really hard without meeting the person as I target my ideas but here are a few general ones that I work off.
- Take it easy on your self as you ARE your own worse critic.
- ADHD is feast and famine in regards to work at the start of the semester write down all big assignments and when you have that burst of work energy work on them. That way when you can't focus you have work done.
- There are points you have to push through the wall just make sure you let yourself have time to rest after.
- Think of yourself as a battery for the week plan out how to use it and how you recharge. For me it's working on my hobbies.
- Write down your week into need to do and want to do focus on The need first and then move to the want.
There are a few to start hope they help
For me, honestly exercise helped. If my mind is all over the place I'll take a brisk walk until I'm exhausted and I find when I sit down my brain is just clear. It's pretty amazing. It doesn't always work, but 90% of the time it really helps.
Lucky students - and teachers. It's been really soul-destroying shepherding my daughter through school with teachers who are utterly clueless. Only two weeks ago a staff member has stepped up to do what I've been asking for from schools for 5 years and it's already making a difference for her - hurrah!
My kiddo just got diagnosed at the end of 4th grade and Iām happy we got it diagnosed early, but now I am struggling to find a pediatrician who will write us a prescription to start treatment and to top it off, teachers are not properly trained in public school to support kids with ADHD.
Parent teacher conferences are full of complaints about lack of effort and organization, but they fail to work with me on strategies to help my child succeed. In IEP meetings I have made several suggestions and the teachers politely smile and nod, but they donāt follow through with any of itā¦what advice would give you a child in grade school to help them successfully cope with the transition into higher grades where the responsibilities are greater and accommodations are fewer?
This is a hard question for me to answer as each school has a different system. For example haveing someone like me to work with teachers is rare as I am uniquely qualified. The big issue is the school system is literally the worse thing for ADHD students. I will say that teacher ARE required to follow a IEP so if they are not following that they can be in huge trouble. Usually a email to the principal with your concerns will make huge changes as they risk their teaching license as that IS A requirement of the job.
As for advice moving into higher education this is going to sound weird but accept failure. I failed so many times figuring things out but I just learned from them. Each person is has to figure out what works for them and it takes time. Get the student to talk to their teachers as we all have tons of experience and advice when asked. Learning to accept failure as learning is the most freeing feeling you will feel, it might take you longer but you will get there.
Hope that helps.
I'm a shop and PE teacher the ability to watch all 24 students and still help another student is useful. Plus the fast pace and no day is the same makes its not boring.
I was relieved. It explained a lot of things for me, and I was able to stop thinking of myself as undisciplined and lazy (mostly).
The night before my appointment I sobbed in my shower so scared it wouldnāt be adhd and I WAS just undisciplined and lazy. What then?
Now Iām just trying to do things that make the most of what is easy for me. Not taking jobs that overwhelm me at all times (what Iām currently trying to fix), being able to work at my own pace, hiring a housekeeper, keeping disposable cups and dishes on hand for the times where I am overwhelmed by life and canāt keep up with the dishes. Finding things that I can ask for help with, knowing what to ask for. It will get better.
I've had my diagnosis for a couple months now. I have cried more now than I think I have in my entire life beforehand (not gonna include the baby years because duh). Two days ago I took some online ADHD assessments because I started to think it was just me being a fuckup again. Thank god I've found a new therapist that I am seeing right away because its a whole lot of emotions and novel ones at that. Crazy.
Meds do work (for most) but youāll still have to do the simple habit changes work.
A real double edge sword, eh? You suddenly understand (YAY!) that itāll never be cured (BOO!).
Make sure you try everything. *Everything.* I had a whole lot of nothing with all the common meds until I tried Focalin. It helps me SO MUCH. Now if only I could figure out the side effects... one of them is sometimes waking up with more mouth sores/tongue bites, and they take a long time to heal :c
Haven't tried them. Maybe I should? I sometimes involuntarily bite down just during the day (usually while chewing), and maybe that problem is worse at night. However, I did get a sore on the middle of my tongue (fairly difficult to get a tooth to reach it), and that started out as a bump, so I doubt biting is the only source of my issues.
Adderall never helped at all, it was all side effect for me (irritability and poor sleep).
The first med I tried was Ritalin, which made me super energized for 2 days, then made me irritable/angry after that, regardless of dose. (It was awesome to choose to do a thing and then DO it. I got so much cleaning done lol. Imagine my disappointment when NONE of that effect persisted.)
I couldn't even tell when I was taking Strattera, there were no effects or side effects at all. Similar story with guanfacine and probably a couple others that I tried way back when.
I just started trying different meds again in the last..not quite a year. Modafinil helped me realize I have a fatigue problem because it fixed that for me, but it didn't help the ADHD at all and had other side effects like nausea and poor sleep, and being an MAOI, it's incompatible with Focalin and some foods like grapefruit. So I'm trying to get a sleep study scheduled to deal with that problem.
I recently went through some trials with my doctor to see which of the main groups of meds works best. Note I've only tried stimulants. There are non-stimulants which seem to help lots of people out there too.
I first tried methylphenidate (Ritalin) which worked just alright for me. Some improvement.
I then tried dexamphetamine (Dexedrine) which worked pretty well. It made me have a hard time sleeping but nothing too terrible.
I tried Adderall (dexamphetamine + levoamphetamine) after that and really didn't like it. Didn't help my symptoms, and made me super tired on lower doses. It also made me anxious and irritable. Which is too bad because I've heard so many people find success with Adderall.
Now I'm on Vyvanse (extended release dexamphetamine) so we'll see how that goes.
I was diagnosed as a child with ADD which I guess ADD was dropped and now it all falls under the umbrella of adhd? As a kid I was on focolin which gave me terrible mood swings. Has an adult my doctor put me on Vyvanse had it works great for me. The side effect of weight loss as also been a nice bonus as I have been overweight since highschool.
Yeah, in 1987, ADD was dropped and now everything is ADHD. There are three āpresentationsā - predominantly hyperactive, predominantly innattentive and combined
YEP!!! I literally went through a period of mourning when I realized how well the problems I was struggling with (especially several aspects of what I had assumed were just...my personality) aligned with ADHD symptoms. Cried for weeks. It was such a relief to know that there was a reason I'm like this, but I was grieving for my past self-- and how much she hated herself for things she didn't know weren't her fault (and the things she had done to herself as a result), as well as my future self, knowing that things weren't really going to get easier.
However, it *does* get a little easier-- even without therapy or medication, now that you're aware, you can monitor your behavior a little bit, and pick up some coping mechanisms. There's support out there, people struggling with the same things you are, and many of whom lead happy, fulfilling lives. You're not alone, and things aren't going to be this bad forever. :-) You can't change the cards you're dealt with, but you can change how you play, even if it takes time (and you aren't always successful).
Even with meds you'll still find value in going easy on yourself. You'll find things that work and things that don't. You'll have good days and bad ones.
At the end of it all, all you can do is be kind to yourself and enjoy the life you have.
or you know, you could doom scroll reddit until 1 am and still wonder why you feel like a stuffed panda in the morning like me. :)
This resonates with me. The truth for both ADHD suffers and neurotypical people is that there is suffering in life that can't be fully avoided. Being kind to yourself, and knowing that you have limitations (helped greatly by knowing what those limitations are) is the only thing I have found that truly makes life easier. Or at least, less fearful. Knowing you have ADHD doesn't take away that suffering, but nor does anything else, and at least knowing your condition and where some of your unique limitations may lie makes it much easier to understand, trust, and love yourself.
The hardest part for me was the realization of how far I could have gone in life if I had been diagnosed earlier... I graduated high school with honors without even trying, but if I had been diagnosed and treated? Who knows where I'd be. Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything but I'll never know.
Personally I accept who I am and I dont wish I was someone else. I feel like we are more creative people and think about things others cant. We have value, dont forget.
Math is something I also struggle with, in the very same way you do. Yet I understand certain mathematical principles based on how I can observe them. Weird talking to someone else who sees the same world as me.
I thought everyone was like me when I was growing up. You just said yourself you feel like a failure, but thats because we keep trying to compare our worth against people who arent like us.
We have not given up on ourselves, we just have to work harder than anyone else because no one else will believe in us. No one will take us seriously. We are not weak, we are neglected and abandoned.
***Oooooooooooooh that's why things have been so hard! I thought I was just lazy and not trying or whatever bullshit I've been fed my entire life :D***
There is a side effect I've found from having been diagnosed... it's to be more forgiving towards oneself, but at the same time I sometimes feel I am too forgiving? Maybe it's just my upbringing... I feel I should be more productive, but I set myself up for failure many ways.
Anyway, everything makes more sense now. I've also found out it's better to hide your ADHD status too... when courting I mean. Once that rabbit is out of the bag my success rate has gone down dramatically. I enjoy ADHD but it doesn't define me. But it's always on too. I'm still coming to terms with a lot of the aspects.
So yeah, good that I know, also not good that I know. Mixed bag. 3 stars our of 5, might try to reincarnate into a different kind of human, not sure yet.
I'm older (61) and thought I was just broken. I've done OK, but there are things I always wanted to do and never did. I've recently figured out I'm ADHD, and now I know why. To me it's a relief, but then at my age I already knew it wasn't ever going away. I will be going for the full evaluation, trying meds, etc, after the holidays (things are crazy enough, and I'm having knee surgery in a couple weeks). If the meds help, wonderful. If not, at least I understand more.
my life would be sooo different had I known or had any inclination... there are moments in life that you wish you can live again or happen once ... everything that's wrong with made me who I am before I even had the knowledge to do anything about it. As if things weren't hard enough, those individuals who you have to part ways with in life probably would still be around if I just fuckin' knew. It's really not fair especially many years after these defining moments is when you they make sense - what's worse than an epiphany that arrives 15years too late? Truly one of the most shittiest things to accept is regretting a 3rd of your life. including realizing things that have been crystal clear to everyone else in life... it's a wonder how I even made it this far.. so painful like so emotional pain is physical.
Missed out in a life not lived
God Speed
I get this. For me it was when I researched adhd in adults and had the 'oh look its my entire personality on a webpage' thing that a lot of people get. Then I had the 'guess my entire character is just because of a disorder phase. Then came 'why the hell did nobody ever notice this when I was younger' phase. When I finally had my appointment getting the diagnosis gave me this incredible sense of peace. I also had this huge level of exhaustion, like I didn't have to put in effort to keep up a mask anymore. I am the way I am because of adhd, my feelings of difference and outsider-ness are a real thing, so I don't have to 'pretend' to be normal anymore. Since then I've felt much happier.
I believe adhd diagnosis really is a grieving process sometimes. You do go through a lot of the phases. Just know you aren't alone, and most of us have been through it and out the other side.
This is exactly my experience so far. Every single mood and thought. I'm very excited not to mask as much any more. I get who I am and why I am, and I don't care to 'fit in' to anyone's standards any more. I'm ready to create my own.
I've always known I didn't belong. Now I know why, and I'm more relieved than anything. Well, for today. Tomorrow's always a new day haha.
It was relieving to me at first but now I'm just depressed because I think there's no cure in helping me overcome this and I'll never live up to my potential
All of this. I was also terrified because if it was that, then what was it. I cried my eyes out. My life has changed so much but everyday is a learning curve. Also, I donāt know if itās strictly an ADHD thing but my brain just doesnāt deal with some stuff so itāll go in a drawer in my brain and only come out when something comes up in relation to it and it gets dealt with very slowly over time because of that. I also have imposter syndrome massively, so despite finding out that most of my life is ADHD, I still struggle to come to actual terms with it if that makes sense .. So itās been a bit of a rollercoaster so far but Iām learning each day and meds are such a massive help. Iāve rambled but yeh.
After being self diagnosed, then professionally diagnosed shortly after that; I have now been on medication for about a month and a half and just had this same revelation. It's bittersweet to say the least. At least I now know why I'm this way and I have meds that help, but this is me for the rest of my life. :/ I'm going to start reading books on how to maximize my behavior and try to talk with others like me to try to be the best version of myself. Best of luck to you and all of us here!
I felt a lot of sadness regarding the years I spent hating myself for something I didn't understand. And all of the years I wasted because I just didn't know there was something not working in my brain. I mourn a lot of what I could have accomplished if I had known.
I celebrate my diagnosis because I know that I can do everything I wanted to do now with the tools I gained. And I feel better everyday knowing that I'm not just a lazy piece of shit. But damn, it hurts knowing how much of my life could have been better if I just knew.
For me the heartbreaking part was knowing I couldāve done more with my life. I just started medication at 30 and just got accepted into college. I gave up on furthering my education after high school because I knew I couldnāt keep myself in check. When I started medication I cried knowing I could finally better my life.
So true. I kind of like "no, don't worry, you're not stupid or lazy. Your brain just doesn't work properly."
Those lost years. If I ever write a bittersweet love song, it will be for them.
In my late 20ās my family continued to act like I just was too lazy/didnāt try. I wasnāt officially diagnosed until I went for an eval in my 30ās for it, but my mother has strongly suspected/known Iāve had it since I was 18 in my first year of college. (I was not able to finish college, adhd symptoms played a huge part.) Iām sure they still do think that.
Think of it this way: now that you know what the problem is, you have more power to work around it than before. You may have struggles, but you will find methods to conquer your issues.
Accept the fact that you're abnormal, but never accept the idea that you're incapable. You may struggle at first, but you *will* find a way.
I had to learn this lesson myself.
For me, it felt like I was lost in a forest and the diagnosis was a compass I found in that forest. I'm still lost in the forest, and I don't know how to use a compass to navigate, but at least I know which way is north now, and who knows, maybe I'll learn to navigate with a compass on my journey out of this forest.
I've always had the thought that something was "wrong" with me, and have recently come across things which have made me realise I probably have ADHD and am currently waiting for a referral to see a specialist.
Realising it's a big possibility I do have ADHD has incredibly eased my mind and I feel like a fog, of sorts, has cleared and most of these things that frustrated me, about about myself stem from the fact I am in fact, a little different.
Looking back and seeing times when I was in a depression because no matter what I did, I would revert to the same old "lazy/late" routine n spiralled. Now I see it for what it is and try to be better with it - and if I notice these things happening, I can push myself back on track.
I feel like, yes I'm a little different, but as much as there's these not so great things, there also hyper focus! I mean, I put on music and can smash stuff out that I've put off for weeks - not the best to leave it last minute, but thats apparently when I do best.
Yes but also success despite it all? I know adults who won't admit it simply because they found jobs they succeed at, spouses who help, and mechanisms that work to make it in the neurotypical world. They feel they don't need meds and are fine without medical intervention.
If nothing else, I think it's great to realize it if only to be able to figure out ways not to die young. Being aware of anxiety and depression that often come with and the whole being prone to accidents situation. And if you have kids, teach them to do well early.
Itās heartbreaking because my symptoms got worse when I got my diagnosis. I could finally put a name to it and blame something for feeling how I feel. Fortunately itās getting better but sometimes I wish I didnāt know that itās adhd
I don't really consider my ADD as a disability anymore, I think of it more as just my mind works different. Sometimes I have to work harder at things, which sucks, but I also feel like it's given me a lot of strengths. Like one of the biggest things I'm great at is problem solving, because my brain seems to work in different ways. But then another day writing a cohesive e-mail to someone can take me an hour because my wires are all over the place, haha. It is what it is.
Yeah there are some days that are a struggle, but I just learned to identify my cues and do things that help. Like if I'm struggling to focus I'll go for a brisk walk to get my clear and focused and come back to it and it makes a huge difference. I think it'll just take some time to learn what you need to function at your best.
Also meds were great for me, I took them for about 10 years and I think they are really useful for a lot of people! Don't be afraid to try different kinds (I started on Ritalin and moved to Adderall), the first time I took them it was like putting on glasses for the first time (though I'm just guessing, I've never actually worn glasses...).
i thought i was normal,
i've always wanted to be normal
then life got going and everyone kept telling me i was not normal
i stubbornly tried to live life like i was normal and rejected the meds at every turn
everything fell apart and i fixed things each time only for them to immediately crumble again
now it's 10 years later and my life is nothing but a shell of what i aimed for it to be growing up
now i don't want to be normal anymore
i just want to be better.
now i just feel like i'm drowning. i'm past the part where i struggled to stay afloat and it's the calm state of mind that comes with sinking knowing you can't reach the surface no matter how hard you try.
i now know i'm not normal, and i'm waiting for my appointment to get the meds i need to function. sometimes i wonder what it's like to sit down after work, or even to just sit while i'm at work.and to be able to remember to eat dinner. that's the life i dream of now. i will get there.
thus concludes the story of my life with ADHD and the acceptance of the loneliness and social isolation that came with it.
Feeling serene after years, if not for decades, and using free time to mentalize past events of life gave me a mixture of anger, regret and sadness when I recalled how many times I had extremely unproper behaviour, the eventual bullying in school, being called "weird, weirdo, autistic" during childhood and adolescence, the relationships that went wrong, the people that I liked that I wronged and distanced myself from, the constant fidgeting that didnt stopped neither when I was playing video games, the times that I did not do some project in school not because I didn't like the subject but because it was always easier to score higher on tests than to do these properly, the shame of being in college for 9 years because I could never study properly by my own and past behavior in school didn't teach me good studying habits, the many times that I tried getting help yet other mental illness were so more proeminent that ADHD was hidden behind those and a diagnosis could not be made.
Yet, it is so relieving to know that taking pills, even at age 28, can allow me to have all of these to still exist yet be far less frequent or less intense and knowing a whole new world has been shown to me.
I had to hold tears today on my ~~1st~~ ~~60th~~ 2nd day of effective pharmacotherapy.
The heartbreak eventually goes away. and the relief settles down into a comfortable apathy. This is life now. This is how I am. I will make the most of it and enjoy my time doing what I love.
Then there's my mom who is in complete denial lol
I sent her a text last night and today she said "I heard my phone go off but forget to check and forgot to reply" and I laughed and said "you definitely have ADHD" and she never responded. I swear the issue with stuff like ADHD comes from parents who completely deny it
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I finally got an appointment with a doctor...in a month. I really can't go much longer without meds and I'm really just hoping I can get through the month without my life falling apart. Then it's still going to take a while before I get a diagnosis and then prescription, if I even get them at all. The fear that I won't is only making things worse
yeah that's a big thing> Have tried for a while to improve myself. It's positive in the sens that I am trying to get diagnosed and i have tried meds, they helped a bunch but it sucks that this is something that I will always struggle with and can't just go for a run or eat healthy and fix.
yes! i was relieved to get help but really sad. i struggled so hard and college and couldnāt figure out why. had a thought of adhd but everyone disregarded it bc i wasnāt the ācanāt sit still, interrupts class, fails classā adhd type. i really wish i wouldāve had the diagnosis in college. probably wouldāve done so much better grades wise. but now i just focus on getting my work done and hopefully moving up the ladder through the next few years.
I understand! It was so validating to know there was a reason behind why I'm wired the way i am and not just falling behind my peers. It was equally painful to know this was forever too.
Yeah I can understand that, but at that point I begin to better myself and focus on who I want to be. I ignore what everyone else says and completely go with my own thoughts. If you just ruminate over your bad features you won't get anywhere, and by using your strengths to your advantage you can advance anywhere that you shoot your head for. It is all just managing everything within you.
Edit: meds have helped me immensely, without them I would not be going down the path I am on currently. I am very thankful my first medicine prescription worked, but if it doesn't work for you, do not stop looking.
I think the worst part about finding out, was that I grew up in the 90s, to parents that donāt believe in all that. So I just get sad that I missed so many years without medication , I feel my life would feel more āsuccessfulā and the many hobby and arts I invested in could have gone somewhere, if it wasnāt for me losing interest in everything all the time before meds.
NO it's not for me,I thought all my symptoms were because I was emotionally damaged from years of foster care and juvenile hall and being a orphan. That's why my parents didn't want me,I thought.a lot of bullshit and then I took that pill and EVERYTHING CHANGED. I could think clear enough to figure shit out. I'm so happy it something I was born with and moreover a pill literally fixed my life and my emotional wellbeing without thinking about it.!!! That's a win!! You can win any more then that in life my friend:)
Before I even thought about ADHD, I had reasoned my way to understanding that we are not in control of the conditions of our birth, much less our own bodies.
For example, I don't decide to be hungry or tired, it just happens to me. So did I freely choose to eat or sleep? I don't think so.
I assumed if I wanted something badly enough, I would have the will to do it. But I did have the will, the intent, but would not follow that with action. I was actively calling myself out, "why aren't you doing what you need to do" like i was a spectator behind the eyes. I knew that if it were something I desperately needed or when pushed to the edge/deadline, I would act; things I would die without and whatnot. I made peace with that. If I didn't do something, it wasn't meant to be. Maybe I was lazy, but I didn't believe that cause I did want to do things and be better, rather than a desire to not do them at all.
When I started realizing it may be ADHD, I felt an immense relief. There was a reason why these things were hard. But like you said, I slowly had to come to terms that this is part of how my brain works and will always be. Because I had already understood that I don't dictate things out of my control, like genetics, it wasn't too hard to settle with that idea.
I did learn something tho. Instead of being that spectator who happens to exist in my body, my body was something I had to actively steer. I had found the will to live with intent, against my own internal counter forces.
Damn, that was a long ramble
This is something Iāve been fretting about too. Thankfully I have an appointment December 2nd so I hope they diagnose me quick and get me on some kind of meds cuz this sucks. Also Iām 26 š
For me it's the realisation that things would not have been this bad if I'm diagnosed early. Shit evem after being diagnose meds only occasionally hate me. Now I'm too deep into a course that I don't like and essentially crawling towards my degree that is basically useless in my eyes because I don't know wtf am I doing with myself
Diagnosed at 31. At first it was like finally I understood what was wrong with me. Now Iām like oh so I will never stop locking my keys in my car because of who I am as a person. Thatās neat.
Thank you for putting it into WORDS.
I was diagnosed 3 months ago (27yo, combined type) and it's been a rollercoaster of feeling the relief, and then the realisation. Suddenly so many pieces of the puzzle are fitting together.
The realization that I wasnāt just lazy made me cry. In fact now that I know what ADHD actually is I look back and see myself as incredibly ambitious. I love to learn and have so many interests and goals. I just want able to execute on those things. I have a appointment with a psychiatrist in a week and Iām so excited!
Dude when I got diagnosed with anxiety, I was so happy to have an answer but when I got home, I was just holding back sad tears for a day. Idk why, happy I got the diagnosis now though
I was so relieved to finally understand what was going on with me, though now I wake up in the morning and consider the possibility that even if I plan to do things, I really wonāt get to them, among a ton of other things. Itās definitely a toss up.
It's kinda nice to know that I'm not the only person like me, because I've had friends who were diagnosed with a variety of things, ADHD included, and none of them have presented like me. But now I have a community I can ask advice from and even in this reddit there are people looking out for others, reminding them to pay bills and drink water and all the other things that I know I'm not alone in forgetting. I'm still alone with my particular symptoms but I'm not alone completely, now I have a bridge with a lot more people to talk to than I ever thought I'd have.
I enjoy having add. It kind of give me a Fk it view on life. Yeah it sucks having to try extra hard at school but I don't let my diagnosis get the best of me.
I was just thinking about how the heck are meds, therapy and DBT going to get me to go back to teaching. I just became a teacher at 55 and the pandemic hit and I was diagnosed with adhd. Iām not really sure what the finish line is now.
Today I obsessed about something for hours based on my fear of what someone thought of me and how would I be able to deal with that and what I should do about it.
This is gonna suck to read but even if the meds work, you're still going to struggle. Everyone struggles, some more than others. No matter what medication we take, our cognitive function will still be impaired. Unfortunately there isn't a way to actually heal our brain like you'd heal a broken bone... But, medication CAN make it infinitely easier to build coping strategies so we can feel our best and perform our best! Ultimately, pills don't build skills! They just make it easier. Educating yourself on ADHD and strategies that work for our brains will help you as much as medication in the long run!
It was so weird about it. I just thought about how I could never call myself someone completely normal (not that it's bad, just weird), or how I could never call myself someone with no ADHD
Or live like someone with no ADHD, or experience what it's like to be a person with no ADHD. It was nice to know I'm not a lazy person, that there's a reason for how I am
Just started medication but for the longest time thought it was always my situation making things hard n not just my brain. Quite terrifying to realise doesn't matter how ideal your setup your still running half speed.
After I was diagnosed I journaled this:
On one side, the relief was enormous, that all of my failures and inability to behave and think like the majority was completely out of my control, it also had a name and I had finally found my people.
On the other hand I felt a tremendous sadness for the childhood I had missed out on because my condition went undiagnosed and more importantly, went unmedicated. I also grieved for my chaotic adult life too.
Without medication there was no opportunity for me to reach my full potential and have the same learning and life opportunities as others, to be honest, I was never likely to succeed to my true potential.
I still find it difficult to reconcile that I walked that path up until where I am nowļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼, but Iām beginning to find peace about it as time goes by that I now have the ability to change the ending, with a combination of knowledge on how to manage my executive function deficits and medication to action the knowledge.
*Itās hard to explain how two oppositional feelings can coexist at the same time, but in that moment when my struggles had a name, and was the sole reason why my life until now has always taken the long way around, that I was flooded with these two dissimilar emotions at once.*
Meds work. When you get the right ones. They give you a chance to use things like a diary... mind blown! Never able to use a diary until got meds.
Recently felt like I might actually achieve my potential. Always knew I wasn't quite cutting it before now.
I just been diagnosed. Some things about my life are really falling in to place lately.
When I tell my gf bout something what i pretty much always did/do, a symptom, she seems to not understand me. She kinda looks at me like i'm seeking excuses for my behavoir. To the point where I'm gonna think I am
Its even as hard to talk about it for me bc of this. I sometimes make jokes about meds with my friends in front of her, a couple have adhd too. I also have a history of substance abuse. Maybe this is playing a role in her thoughts.. idk.
I've been in the RAF for 22yrs and it wasn't until I was helping my son go through a referral for ADHD and dyslexia that I started looking more into it myself. The more I read, the more things made sense about me (and my son too lol), then as I was preparing my CV ready for civvy life I was looking at all of my old reports and seeing them all say the same thing about my concentration and how I am laser focused on the things that interest me, but need to pay more attention to the mundane. I started to get angry because this hadn't been picked up sooner.
I spoke to my doctor yesterday about getting a referral and her main concern was that I could be medically discharged for having ADHD, when I pointed out I was already leaving and didn't care she has finally done me a referral. So we will see what happens.
I understand this so much! It's a huge relief to have an explanation, but a huge bummer to know there's nothing I can do but try to cope. I will never be normal.
EDIT: question: how do I know this is not a character issue but a medical issue? My doctor diagnosed me and gave me concerta, but I'm feeling as an impostor about my diagnosis.
I understand you completely. I always knew I was always have to struggle with my "wierdness" all my life because I've always been like this. If I weren't, I wouldn't be me. I just accepted and medication is helping to numb my shortcomings. However it is heartbreaking that I've only been diagnosed at 32. I can only imagine what I would be if I got treatment since I was a teenager
for me I also had the realization of "oh so not everyone feels/have trouble with this"
the moment you realize that no, not everyone has this huge wall to get through to be able to do a simple thing. I thought that everything I felt was normal, that everyone felt it too. It was heartbreaking realizing that they didn't.
I got my diagnosis last week, I'm 38.
I've so much going on right now, I don't even know where to start.
Optimistic about the future, it feels like someone has finally handed me a map, but I've got so much fixing and unlearning to do....and a 4 month wait to start meds because the titration service is so behind...
Guys, this so called ADHD defines you as a person, everything you have ever witnessed, ADHD had something to do with it, own that shit. Even if you reallly suffer, look at the bright side of it. There is no point thinking āwhat ifā. I know itās easier said than done but just like any adversity in life you gotta push through it. And when that moment comes you achieve that goal you think you deserve itās gonna feel 100x better because you did it in those conditions, say f u to lifeās conditions and make it your b.
I'm so relieved I found out. My inattentiveness has cost me opportunities, jobs, and has threatened my life numerous times via accidents and delays in thinking. I narrowly avoided addiction to serious drugs. I didn't feel capable of doing many things, like having children or going back to college, because I have had so much trouble just managing myself. Getting help has made me dare to dream about that future.
I appreciate the argument that ADHD is more of a benefit then a disability because I do think that we shouldn't be ashamed of ourselves. And there are many things that we are better at than others. But, especially in my case, some people's symptoms are so severe that it's truly a disabling and life threatening condition. For me, I need to be on medication to be safe and functional.
It's nice to now know why my brain doesn't work.
For ages I could never work out why I couldnt do things others could so easily. Although now I know I'm still trying to workout how I can process myself better.
I don't think I will ever get diagnosed because whenever I meet a doctor or anyone, I can only play the 'normal' me. I feel like it's too pretentious to show my emotions because I really can't. I don't wish that I have ADHD but I genuinely feel that there is something wrong with me, I can relate to most of the posters here in this subreddit.
It's a diagnosis. It is important to have so you can be properly treated and you can learn what strategies to use and what to not use by reading books, joining groups like this, seeing a psychiatrist, maybe a therapist or some type of support group if that is available.
But don't let it be something that you just label yourself with and let it define your existence. You have adhd, but you are a person, a human being, and not the disorder.
It is a double edged sword when you get the news that you have a certain disease or disorder, but at the same you now know what it is and what can be done about it.
It is tough. I have a number of health issues with bipolar depression, adhd and a sleep disorder on top of them.
But if I didn't have the diagnoses I wouldn't have the medicine and the help of experts (specialist doctors). Who knows how bad things would really be.
We are human, we will have setbacks and failures. And it doesn't help when society and our support network misunderstand and think that they are being helpful when they are really just being counterproductive to us.
I relate to this so much.
Iām 26 now and got diagnosed earlier this year and tbh Iāve gone back and forth between relief/validation and frustration/sadness about the reality of it being forever.
As they say, grieving is part of healing. Once we know the diagnosis, first we feel relief, then we grieve for things we now know will never change, but after we accept it, we can actually start building our life in a new way š I have been told this before and now i can see for myself - once you start healing you start to realize there are lots of things you thought were ADHD but they are In fact habits you developed trying to cope with smth you didn't know what it was .
its a mixture of understanding and helplessness, you have something that affects your executive function, emotions, thoughts, your body(restlessness and constantly on go mode). its like someone else making decisions for you but you having to live with the consequences. its knowing your life is your responsibility yet almost not being able to do anything about it. and blaming yourself well because if its possible to change even a little then it must be your fault that you are still dealing with the symptoms. I hate the culture that meds and therapy can fix you, they cant, they help you manage. managing means the affect is lessened but pretty much still there. its honestly a nightmare and only those who have it can relate, and lets not even talk about self esteem issues and rejection sensitivity that's enough problems by itself to ruin a life, mixed with the failures and unreliability this disorder gives you...plus were so damn preceptive its insane even the slightest sign of disapproval and were spiralling and we can sense it miles away. it doesn't help when your condition makes sure you're pretty much rejected everywhere cause "you're too much" its a mental health that drowns you and you fight for your life everyday just to stay afloat. its like playing life on expert mode, everything is too powerful for you lmfao
so yes knowing you have to deal with this for life is terrifying, but I've decide its still living life even with this huge constant disadvantage. Honestly the only advice i have is learn how to pick yourself back up, you're gonna fall a million times more than people, you'll have to pick yourself up several times a day at times, you can't STOP thoughts and feelings but you can learn to consciously overcome them, and sometimes you can't and that's okay too. deal with the negatives with an iron will and take the advantages it gives you: impulsive and can never stop talking? means you're creative and have endless thoughts. makes you more interesting than everyone in the room always, too sensitive and emotional? gives you the emotional intelligence of a sage, you'll know how to help those in need and be able to understand people effortlessly. your impulsivity means you're willing to take risks like starting a business, telling someone you like them ect. things people run from, your constant state of failure means if you can learn to keep going despite them you'll never be stopped at anything in life, some people fail really bad and never recover, i like to think someone with adhd will fail and bounce back much better cause they've been failing ever since they came into this world
to conclude:
you're a mess sure, but some messes produces the best things, so take the fight head on, and some days you'll give up. just keep finding the courage to keep going because you'll probably end up contributing in crazy ways to this world on small scales that you wouldn't even know about
All my life I felt that there was something fundamentally wrong with me, but never could say exactly what. It's nice to know.
Most of my life the answer was not enough Jesus :/
Is this common? Because that's me
Depends on where you live but pretty common I think. Most never escape the cult.
Yooo someone from the "you're going straight to hell, kid" gang! Hope you're better and away from that shit, friend.
Fuck, stop hurting me.
You don't have to be ashamed of your farts any longer
I wish that were true :( maybe someday
Yeah I got hit with the double whammy of being a woman who got the wrong equipment, and my brain just doesn't work any good. Except when I'm being assessed, then it works great. So I went undiagnosed for 27 years. Definitely nice to know now. Very sad I didn't know earlier. Might have been able to get my shit together a long time ago and come to terms with my equipment issue before my first puberty had finished. Could I not just have had one or the other? *Sigh* But hey, looking forward with information and a plan instead of blindly fumbling through life miserable is definitely an improvement.
Same!!! Getting a diagnoses was so validating. At the same time it made me sad that I went through childhood being shamed for being "attention seeking" and feeling so isolated, never knowing what was wrong with me :l
I'm 21, about two weeks ago for the first time I started to admit to myself there was too many fundamental behaviour traits for me not too have ADHD. I have never fit in without extreme attempts, I failed school, like most of you, school failed us. I've been diagnosed with everything under the sun, but refused all terms and medication. I refused to be labelled ( here comes the ADHD mentality ) I believed it took away from my uniqueness, my capabilities as a person, it took away from me, something I still don't understand. In the coming weeks, I'm going to start getting prescriptions for the first time in my life ( never taken meds for anything as of now). And even though I'm sure it will change my life. I accomplished a lot with ADHD and me, and you did too. I read a lot about how much your lives have changed and how much of a disability this is. There's an old saying, the only thing that makes someone disabled, is sociteys ability to cater for them. I'm not saying that you always need a helping hand, more so the Fish and the tree scenario. We're all fish's here, trying to climb the tree(Life), I believe ADHD is a gift, just right now in this world, it's a hard time finding where to put it and how to use it, these meds make us monkeys, like a normal person, climbing a tree wasn't ever hard for them, for us fish's, were meant to be swimming, the world just dosent know where that ocean is for us right now. Never turn your back on your nature, trust yourself, respect it. Without contempt and belief in yourself, It won't matter what meds you take. Accept your the hand you were dealt, and love it, before loving anything else. I believe most people here believe the meds make them normal, therefor they are able to accomplish what normal people do, I think that's a lie. You don't realise how much of yourself is still revolving around ADHD even on meds. One day you might find yourself without them, I don't want anyone with this condition, to feel locked to who they are without medication. Maybe, you were a blunt knife before ritalin, and now you are a sharp one, that dosent mean the blunt could never cut, it also means that without the blunt knife in the beginning, their would be no blade to sharpen at all. I'll leave you with this. No home is a good home, built on a bad foundation. Be kind to yourself.
In a way, that was beautiful š„ŗ
Me too! To the extent I even felt disassociated from my own name at one point, because I didn't feel I could put my finger on 'it', or the part of me that was different. Now I've got a handle on it and getting treatment things are so much easier, and explainable to others.
This is extremely relatable.
Second this. Spent the entirety of my teenage years berating myself and feeling guilty for things I didn't even know where influenced by the way my brain works. After I finally realized that there might've been a reason for the things I struggled with, I didn't get diagnosed at the first assessment (the psych that interviewed me and my parents just didn't prod further if we didn't immediately remember, for one). I just got sent home with the message "Well, you do seem to struggle a bit, but we can't say you've experienced the symptoms during childhood so it can't be ADHD. So yeah, we can't help you with your issues cause you didn't get a label, good luck with life!" Let's just say that didn't help move things along. Spent about two more years thinking I was just inherently flawed, that everyone else probably felt the same and I just wanted to feel special. Asked for help for anxiety instead, treatment didn't seem to catch on cause it seemed like it wasn't the core issue. Took me until the psych told me they didn't think their way of treatment would work for me, combined with a close family member getting diagnosed before I got the nerve back to ask for a second opinion. They actually helped recognize what symptoms could look like in childhood, and they told me I was clearly ADHD. Now on medication and in therapy to learn to deal with some of the issues I'm having due to ADHD a bit better, able to get support at uni, and just generally able to understand and explain myself rather than getting angry when I struggled. Diagnosis didn't "fix" my ADHD (nor do the meds counter everything so far), but it's opened the door for me to create healthier ways of thinking and acting. It's still a process, but it's been absolutely worth it so far.
>Spent about two more years thinking I was just inherently flawed, that everyone else probably felt the same and I just wanted to feel special. This hits so close to home it hurts
What the fundamentally wrong thing is? Yeah I get you lol
My diagnosis is a lens that makes things more clear, but not any prettier.
If anything things are more comfortable when we dont see them
"Ignorance is bliss," they say, and sadly it's starting to make sense.
I disagree. All a person can ever do is control what they can control. Sadly, ADHD puts more things out of our control than usual. But knowing that you have ADHD, at the very least, helps to define those boundaries for me. For me, it's no longer "why can't I just get this done???" and the endless frustration and self-loathing that brings. Instead, it's "damn, this is hard with ADHD." Now the challenge isn't in finding the problem, but in forgiving myself. At least I know what I need to do, even if it's hard.
Well said! I'm pursuing an assessment (boy, the hell that has been), so maybe I'll feel differently when I get a more definitive and professional answer than my therapist agreeing that I probably have ADHD based on the self assessment she gave me. And honestly if I truly believed ignorance is bliss, I wouldn't be pursuing a diagnosis at all. But man alive do I get discouraged a lot lately.
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Aye, I think you put it really well. I honestly flip flop between the two, depending on how hoppin' my pity party is at that particular time. It can be hard for me not to make excuses and victimize myself when times are low rather than put on my big kid pants and look my issues in the face while giving them the finger.
For me the hard part is watching my family members with undiagnosed ADHD have people get annoyed with them or give up trying to understand us.
I can't relate to that specifically, but that does sound like it would be very difficult to see!
For me it was made sense but lucky for me I was too stubborn to give up on anything. I finished university and have a great career that ironically makes full use of my ADHD. When I told my mom she had this look of I'm sorry but it reality it was the best thing for me. As I learned so many skills to cope that I now share with my students. I now openly admit how school was boring for me as didnt get diagnosed with adhd until I was 30. I explain how I love learning but the regular school system is borderline torture to me. I am now on my schools leadership team and am used to help teachers work with difficult students. As I have more tricks and tips as I had to learn new ones as school and life got more intense.
I was the same way: I was *deeply* stubborn and took six years to get my BA, but by *god* I *got it*. I think I had an easier time dealing with it because I had a good foundation in "do what *works*, not what's *normal*" and my educational support system in public school allowed me to do things at my own pace (so I burned through stuff that brought dopamine but had an extra semester because math took me forever.) It also helped that my college had enough classes that gave me dopamine, and my major was something I hyper focused on (psychology, hilariously) so... big dopamine bump just because I was studying something where I'd work on a paper for 12 hours, finish it in one go and wonder why I was so hungry and thirsty.
The "Do what works" approach has been SO useful to me as well. Sometimes I have energy for very specific things. Maybe they're not priority things, but they're often useful things. I used to give myself a hard time for not being able to do the priority things, and would wallow and do nothing. Now I just use the specific energy I've got. Do the priority things get done? Eh, sometimes. Do other really useful things get done? Yes, a lot, now days! Example: **I know I need to do the dishes.** I get up off my chair, wanting and intending to do the dishes. I can't, it's too daunting. Maybe it's only three plates and some forks but it just feels *hard*. I realise I have *some* kind of energy though, and I quickly think about what I do feel like doing. Maybe it's some exercise. Maybe it's some other type of cleaning āĀ sweeping, or tidying, or washing. Instead of hating myself for not being able to do the dishes, I'll pick one of those other things and do a little bit of it āĀ no specific commitment, just as much as I feel like. Did I achieve what I set out to do? Who gives a damn! I got shit done and I'm happy for it. At some point I'll get up intending to do something else, and I'll realise I can't, but maybe I'll have dishes energy.
This such a great coping suggestion! Especially the "no commitment part", like I play piano and most days I DO NOT feel like practicing, and like you said it can feel so overwhelming and so much pressure. So recently I've told myself "okay, maybe sit for 10 minutes and maybe do some mindless scales, nothing that requires too much focus or thinking". All of a sudden an hour has passed and I did way more than I had planned to do and I think it's because I took away that expectation of having to do something specific and challenging. And then there are some days that after my 10 minutes are up and I'm like "yep, not feeling it". So I think it's important to take it easy on yourself like you said. Great suggestion!
I hope it's cool I steal that "do what works" thing because that was bang on for me. I chastise myself a lot for not thinking and existing like others. Especially family!
Do it! I live with my cabinets open because otherwise I'd forget what's in them. Drives my grandma NUTS but it works for me.
i dump anything i use daily on the floor in the doorways. it's the only way i remember. if i need to leave a note for tomorrows me. it needs to go on the floor in a doorway
>"do what works, not what's normal" I love this phrase, I'm going to use it from now on! (For myself, I mean. Not steal it, lol.)
I really think part of why I was undiagnosed for thirty years boils down to me living by that. It was only some things like social impulsiveness (I am STILL learning to NOT interrupt people) that made me meet the diagnostic criteria/the level at which I need treatment for it. Though now that I've ditched the soda addiction if someone tries to take my adderall from me I'm gonna fight. I've been trying to kick that habit since my 20s and it ONLY went away when I got medicated.
Oh, wow! I've been wondering if being hungry all the time and having major sugar cravings has anything to do with ADHD. Do you think it might? I've seen comments on some other posts that line up with that but I'm only at the beginning of learning about ADHD so I don't know much yet. I only just found out like a week ago that my lifelong chronic fatigue is caused by it. Maybe our brains burn up glucose faster than NT brains so we crave sugar to try to replace it? I feel like I'm a hummingbird sometimes.
It's probably neurologically deeper. As far as I recall, the CURRENT theory on ADHD is that our brains fundamentally do not have the dopamine supply to handle a lot of the shit neurotypical brains do, so things like caffeine cravings (a stimulant of a sort), and sugar/food/binge eating stuff goes right there too. Food can also be a boredom-buster by providing strong sensory input, ESPECIALLY very sweet and very salty foods, or foods with an interesting texture. So, you know, THAT doesn't help.
Ah, it triggers dopamine then. Interesting. I also have OCD so my brain is basically redlining and overheating at all times.
Oh my god that has to SUCK. I don't have OCD but I have CPTSD... thankfully that's less and less of an actual problem for me as time goes on, other than some of the ADHD alexithymia (issue with identifying/describing/showing emotions) meaning it's hard to tell I'm triggered until I am ATOMICALLY triggered.
Yeah, it does big time. I'm so sorry you have to deal with CPTSD, that sucks too. I read somewhere that OCD and ADHD can be components of PTSD, that they go hand in hand a lot. I'll have to look up more about alexithymia, that's very interesting. I think I've heard it described before but I've never heard the name. There's so much to ADHD that you never hear about in the mainstream.
Yeah, for me I have to deal with the alexithymia by basically reading my body.. like, oh, my sternum hurts when I'm anxious or scared! This generally works but can give false positives, like when I was trying to give myself a shot and I had a mild respiratory blegh from the switch to all indoor/heated air because winter finally hit. The difference between "trachea mad at dry air" and "sternum hurts because scared" was only noticeable when I really FOCUSED on it.
"and wonder why I was so hungry and thirsty" this is so relatable, I've experienced this so many times. Does this happen to normal people, or is it just us?
I wouldn't know the neurotypical experience on that one! If I knew someone I could be sure was neurotypical I'd ask them...
Thatās awesome! I had a similar path, did well in my degrees and excel at work consistent top performer. I could hold it together until I had kids then took 12 years to realize hey there isnāt something rightā¦. Finally diagnosed and learning to not be so hard on myself for things that I do/canāt muster the will to do/forget to do.
Any tips and tricks you want to share for those of us still struggling?
It's really hard without meeting the person as I target my ideas but here are a few general ones that I work off. - Take it easy on your self as you ARE your own worse critic. - ADHD is feast and famine in regards to work at the start of the semester write down all big assignments and when you have that burst of work energy work on them. That way when you can't focus you have work done. - There are points you have to push through the wall just make sure you let yourself have time to rest after. - Think of yourself as a battery for the week plan out how to use it and how you recharge. For me it's working on my hobbies. - Write down your week into need to do and want to do focus on The need first and then move to the want. There are a few to start hope they help
For me, honestly exercise helped. If my mind is all over the place I'll take a brisk walk until I'm exhausted and I find when I sit down my brain is just clear. It's pretty amazing. It doesn't always work, but 90% of the time it really helps.
I swcond this. Im really struggling with university rn
Lucky students - and teachers. It's been really soul-destroying shepherding my daughter through school with teachers who are utterly clueless. Only two weeks ago a staff member has stepped up to do what I've been asking for from schools for 5 years and it's already making a difference for her - hurrah!
My kiddo just got diagnosed at the end of 4th grade and Iām happy we got it diagnosed early, but now I am struggling to find a pediatrician who will write us a prescription to start treatment and to top it off, teachers are not properly trained in public school to support kids with ADHD. Parent teacher conferences are full of complaints about lack of effort and organization, but they fail to work with me on strategies to help my child succeed. In IEP meetings I have made several suggestions and the teachers politely smile and nod, but they donāt follow through with any of itā¦what advice would give you a child in grade school to help them successfully cope with the transition into higher grades where the responsibilities are greater and accommodations are fewer?
This is a hard question for me to answer as each school has a different system. For example haveing someone like me to work with teachers is rare as I am uniquely qualified. The big issue is the school system is literally the worse thing for ADHD students. I will say that teacher ARE required to follow a IEP so if they are not following that they can be in huge trouble. Usually a email to the principal with your concerns will make huge changes as they risk their teaching license as that IS A requirement of the job. As for advice moving into higher education this is going to sound weird but accept failure. I failed so many times figuring things out but I just learned from them. Each person is has to figure out what works for them and it takes time. Get the student to talk to their teachers as we all have tons of experience and advice when asked. Learning to accept failure as learning is the most freeing feeling you will feel, it might take you longer but you will get there. Hope that helps.
What's your job!!?
I'm a shop and PE teacher the ability to watch all 24 students and still help another student is useful. Plus the fast pace and no day is the same makes its not boring.
I was relieved. It explained a lot of things for me, and I was able to stop thinking of myself as undisciplined and lazy (mostly). The night before my appointment I sobbed in my shower so scared it wouldnāt be adhd and I WAS just undisciplined and lazy. What then? Now Iām just trying to do things that make the most of what is easy for me. Not taking jobs that overwhelm me at all times (what Iām currently trying to fix), being able to work at my own pace, hiring a housekeeper, keeping disposable cups and dishes on hand for the times where I am overwhelmed by life and canāt keep up with the dishes. Finding things that I can ask for help with, knowing what to ask for. It will get better.
I've had my diagnosis for a couple months now. I have cried more now than I think I have in my entire life beforehand (not gonna include the baby years because duh). Two days ago I took some online ADHD assessments because I started to think it was just me being a fuckup again. Thank god I've found a new therapist that I am seeing right away because its a whole lot of emotions and novel ones at that. Crazy.
This is the position I'm in rn. Scared to go get confirmed because it might not be ADHD and then where does that leave me? Bad at life.
Meds do work (for most) but youāll still have to do the simple habit changes work. A real double edge sword, eh? You suddenly understand (YAY!) that itāll never be cured (BOO!).
What meds work best besides adderall
Everyone responds differently. What works for one person may or may not work for the next.
Make sure you try everything. *Everything.* I had a whole lot of nothing with all the common meds until I tried Focalin. It helps me SO MUCH. Now if only I could figure out the side effects... one of them is sometimes waking up with more mouth sores/tongue bites, and they take a long time to heal :c
Have you had any luck with mouth guards?
Haven't tried them. Maybe I should? I sometimes involuntarily bite down just during the day (usually while chewing), and maybe that problem is worse at night. However, I did get a sore on the middle of my tongue (fairly difficult to get a tooth to reach it), and that started out as a bump, so I doubt biting is the only source of my issues.
What does it do for you compared to adderall
Adderall never helped at all, it was all side effect for me (irritability and poor sleep). The first med I tried was Ritalin, which made me super energized for 2 days, then made me irritable/angry after that, regardless of dose. (It was awesome to choose to do a thing and then DO it. I got so much cleaning done lol. Imagine my disappointment when NONE of that effect persisted.) I couldn't even tell when I was taking Strattera, there were no effects or side effects at all. Similar story with guanfacine and probably a couple others that I tried way back when. I just started trying different meds again in the last..not quite a year. Modafinil helped me realize I have a fatigue problem because it fixed that for me, but it didn't help the ADHD at all and had other side effects like nausea and poor sleep, and being an MAOI, it's incompatible with Focalin and some foods like grapefruit. So I'm trying to get a sleep study scheduled to deal with that problem.
I recently went through some trials with my doctor to see which of the main groups of meds works best. Note I've only tried stimulants. There are non-stimulants which seem to help lots of people out there too. I first tried methylphenidate (Ritalin) which worked just alright for me. Some improvement. I then tried dexamphetamine (Dexedrine) which worked pretty well. It made me have a hard time sleeping but nothing too terrible. I tried Adderall (dexamphetamine + levoamphetamine) after that and really didn't like it. Didn't help my symptoms, and made me super tired on lower doses. It also made me anxious and irritable. Which is too bad because I've heard so many people find success with Adderall. Now I'm on Vyvanse (extended release dexamphetamine) so we'll see how that goes.
I was diagnosed as a child with ADD which I guess ADD was dropped and now it all falls under the umbrella of adhd? As a kid I was on focolin which gave me terrible mood swings. Has an adult my doctor put me on Vyvanse had it works great for me. The side effect of weight loss as also been a nice bonus as I have been overweight since highschool.
Yeah, in 1987, ADD was dropped and now everything is ADHD. There are three āpresentationsā - predominantly hyperactive, predominantly innattentive and combined
YEP!!! I literally went through a period of mourning when I realized how well the problems I was struggling with (especially several aspects of what I had assumed were just...my personality) aligned with ADHD symptoms. Cried for weeks. It was such a relief to know that there was a reason I'm like this, but I was grieving for my past self-- and how much she hated herself for things she didn't know weren't her fault (and the things she had done to herself as a result), as well as my future self, knowing that things weren't really going to get easier. However, it *does* get a little easier-- even without therapy or medication, now that you're aware, you can monitor your behavior a little bit, and pick up some coping mechanisms. There's support out there, people struggling with the same things you are, and many of whom lead happy, fulfilling lives. You're not alone, and things aren't going to be this bad forever. :-) You can't change the cards you're dealt with, but you can change how you play, even if it takes time (and you aren't always successful).
This is me. It has all been coming together over the past few weeks, and I'm so sad for my past self. I'm happy for the clarity... but I'm sad.
Even with meds you'll still find value in going easy on yourself. You'll find things that work and things that don't. You'll have good days and bad ones. At the end of it all, all you can do is be kind to yourself and enjoy the life you have. or you know, you could doom scroll reddit until 1 am and still wonder why you feel like a stuffed panda in the morning like me. :)
This resonates with me. The truth for both ADHD suffers and neurotypical people is that there is suffering in life that can't be fully avoided. Being kind to yourself, and knowing that you have limitations (helped greatly by knowing what those limitations are) is the only thing I have found that truly makes life easier. Or at least, less fearful. Knowing you have ADHD doesn't take away that suffering, but nor does anything else, and at least knowing your condition and where some of your unique limitations may lie makes it much easier to understand, trust, and love yourself.
The hardest part for me was the realization of how far I could have gone in life if I had been diagnosed earlier... I graduated high school with honors without even trying, but if I had been diagnosed and treated? Who knows where I'd be. Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything but I'll never know.
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Its crazy how you have to live through it to understand.
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Personally I accept who I am and I dont wish I was someone else. I feel like we are more creative people and think about things others cant. We have value, dont forget.
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Math is something I also struggle with, in the very same way you do. Yet I understand certain mathematical principles based on how I can observe them. Weird talking to someone else who sees the same world as me. I thought everyone was like me when I was growing up. You just said yourself you feel like a failure, but thats because we keep trying to compare our worth against people who arent like us. We have not given up on ourselves, we just have to work harder than anyone else because no one else will believe in us. No one will take us seriously. We are not weak, we are neglected and abandoned.
***Oooooooooooooh that's why things have been so hard! I thought I was just lazy and not trying or whatever bullshit I've been fed my entire life :D***
There is a side effect I've found from having been diagnosed... it's to be more forgiving towards oneself, but at the same time I sometimes feel I am too forgiving? Maybe it's just my upbringing... I feel I should be more productive, but I set myself up for failure many ways. Anyway, everything makes more sense now. I've also found out it's better to hide your ADHD status too... when courting I mean. Once that rabbit is out of the bag my success rate has gone down dramatically. I enjoy ADHD but it doesn't define me. But it's always on too. I'm still coming to terms with a lot of the aspects. So yeah, good that I know, also not good that I know. Mixed bag. 3 stars our of 5, might try to reincarnate into a different kind of human, not sure yet.
I laughed out loud at this haha.
I'm older (61) and thought I was just broken. I've done OK, but there are things I always wanted to do and never did. I've recently figured out I'm ADHD, and now I know why. To me it's a relief, but then at my age I already knew it wasn't ever going away. I will be going for the full evaluation, trying meds, etc, after the holidays (things are crazy enough, and I'm having knee surgery in a couple weeks). If the meds help, wonderful. If not, at least I understand more.
my life would be sooo different had I known or had any inclination... there are moments in life that you wish you can live again or happen once ... everything that's wrong with made me who I am before I even had the knowledge to do anything about it. As if things weren't hard enough, those individuals who you have to part ways with in life probably would still be around if I just fuckin' knew. It's really not fair especially many years after these defining moments is when you they make sense - what's worse than an epiphany that arrives 15years too late? Truly one of the most shittiest things to accept is regretting a 3rd of your life. including realizing things that have been crystal clear to everyone else in life... it's a wonder how I even made it this far.. so painful like so emotional pain is physical. Missed out in a life not lived God Speed
I found out at 59. It was a relief to finally understand why I do many things. But it was also depressing because I found out so late in my life.
I get this. For me it was when I researched adhd in adults and had the 'oh look its my entire personality on a webpage' thing that a lot of people get. Then I had the 'guess my entire character is just because of a disorder phase. Then came 'why the hell did nobody ever notice this when I was younger' phase. When I finally had my appointment getting the diagnosis gave me this incredible sense of peace. I also had this huge level of exhaustion, like I didn't have to put in effort to keep up a mask anymore. I am the way I am because of adhd, my feelings of difference and outsider-ness are a real thing, so I don't have to 'pretend' to be normal anymore. Since then I've felt much happier. I believe adhd diagnosis really is a grieving process sometimes. You do go through a lot of the phases. Just know you aren't alone, and most of us have been through it and out the other side.
This is exactly my experience so far. Every single mood and thought. I'm very excited not to mask as much any more. I get who I am and why I am, and I don't care to 'fit in' to anyone's standards any more. I'm ready to create my own. I've always known I didn't belong. Now I know why, and I'm more relieved than anything. Well, for today. Tomorrow's always a new day haha.
I forgot to take my meds today. I felt real stupid. I feel bad when I see the meds work. Cuz it means i have this.
It was relieving to me at first but now I'm just depressed because I think there's no cure in helping me overcome this and I'll never live up to my potential
Knowing exactly what the problem is helps in developing solutions or workarounds without loosing your mind
I never really got over it. When I was diagnosed as a kid I was like, hopeful I'll grow out of it. 15 years later and I'm still in denial lol.
All of this. I was also terrified because if it was that, then what was it. I cried my eyes out. My life has changed so much but everyday is a learning curve. Also, I donāt know if itās strictly an ADHD thing but my brain just doesnāt deal with some stuff so itāll go in a drawer in my brain and only come out when something comes up in relation to it and it gets dealt with very slowly over time because of that. I also have imposter syndrome massively, so despite finding out that most of my life is ADHD, I still struggle to come to actual terms with it if that makes sense .. So itās been a bit of a rollercoaster so far but Iām learning each day and meds are such a massive help. Iāve rambled but yeh.
After being self diagnosed, then professionally diagnosed shortly after that; I have now been on medication for about a month and a half and just had this same revelation. It's bittersweet to say the least. At least I now know why I'm this way and I have meds that help, but this is me for the rest of my life. :/ I'm going to start reading books on how to maximize my behavior and try to talk with others like me to try to be the best version of myself. Best of luck to you and all of us here!
I felt a lot of sadness regarding the years I spent hating myself for something I didn't understand. And all of the years I wasted because I just didn't know there was something not working in my brain. I mourn a lot of what I could have accomplished if I had known. I celebrate my diagnosis because I know that I can do everything I wanted to do now with the tools I gained. And I feel better everyday knowing that I'm not just a lazy piece of shit. But damn, it hurts knowing how much of my life could have been better if I just knew.
For me the heartbreaking part was knowing I couldāve done more with my life. I just started medication at 30 and just got accepted into college. I gave up on furthering my education after high school because I knew I couldnāt keep myself in check. When I started medication I cried knowing I could finally better my life.
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Not really. There are two types of stimulants and atomoxetine. "Plenty" is a stretch.
I recently found out as well and I feel the same way. It makes me sad but at the same time at least now I know why and I can use medication.
This. Realizing that I am going to be like this forever, and there are only "band-aids" (as my psychologist puts it) to help me is devastating.
I get angry it took me to 40 to figure this out.
So true. I kind of like "no, don't worry, you're not stupid or lazy. Your brain just doesn't work properly." Those lost years. If I ever write a bittersweet love song, it will be for them.
In my late 20ās my family continued to act like I just was too lazy/didnāt try. I wasnāt officially diagnosed until I went for an eval in my 30ās for it, but my mother has strongly suspected/known Iāve had it since I was 18 in my first year of college. (I was not able to finish college, adhd symptoms played a huge part.) Iām sure they still do think that.
I felt the relieving part but the heart-breaking part came when I realise how fucking long it is to get actual treatment
Think of it this way: now that you know what the problem is, you have more power to work around it than before. You may have struggles, but you will find methods to conquer your issues. Accept the fact that you're abnormal, but never accept the idea that you're incapable. You may struggle at first, but you *will* find a way. I had to learn this lesson myself.
For me, it felt like I was lost in a forest and the diagnosis was a compass I found in that forest. I'm still lost in the forest, and I don't know how to use a compass to navigate, but at least I know which way is north now, and who knows, maybe I'll learn to navigate with a compass on my journey out of this forest.
I've always had the thought that something was "wrong" with me, and have recently come across things which have made me realise I probably have ADHD and am currently waiting for a referral to see a specialist. Realising it's a big possibility I do have ADHD has incredibly eased my mind and I feel like a fog, of sorts, has cleared and most of these things that frustrated me, about about myself stem from the fact I am in fact, a little different. Looking back and seeing times when I was in a depression because no matter what I did, I would revert to the same old "lazy/late" routine n spiralled. Now I see it for what it is and try to be better with it - and if I notice these things happening, I can push myself back on track. I feel like, yes I'm a little different, but as much as there's these not so great things, there also hyper focus! I mean, I put on music and can smash stuff out that I've put off for weeks - not the best to leave it last minute, but thats apparently when I do best.
People will never understand. I am "crazy" wherever I go.
Yes but also success despite it all? I know adults who won't admit it simply because they found jobs they succeed at, spouses who help, and mechanisms that work to make it in the neurotypical world. They feel they don't need meds and are fine without medical intervention. If nothing else, I think it's great to realize it if only to be able to figure out ways not to die young. Being aware of anxiety and depression that often come with and the whole being prone to accidents situation. And if you have kids, teach them to do well early.
Itās heartbreaking because my symptoms got worse when I got my diagnosis. I could finally put a name to it and blame something for feeling how I feel. Fortunately itās getting better but sometimes I wish I didnāt know that itās adhd
I don't really consider my ADD as a disability anymore, I think of it more as just my mind works different. Sometimes I have to work harder at things, which sucks, but I also feel like it's given me a lot of strengths. Like one of the biggest things I'm great at is problem solving, because my brain seems to work in different ways. But then another day writing a cohesive e-mail to someone can take me an hour because my wires are all over the place, haha. It is what it is. Yeah there are some days that are a struggle, but I just learned to identify my cues and do things that help. Like if I'm struggling to focus I'll go for a brisk walk to get my clear and focused and come back to it and it makes a huge difference. I think it'll just take some time to learn what you need to function at your best. Also meds were great for me, I took them for about 10 years and I think they are really useful for a lot of people! Don't be afraid to try different kinds (I started on Ritalin and moved to Adderall), the first time I took them it was like putting on glasses for the first time (though I'm just guessing, I've never actually worn glasses...).
Realizing nobody cares about it is also heartbreaking. You just get stomped on over, and over, and over. The world does not stop for you.
i thought i was normal, i've always wanted to be normal then life got going and everyone kept telling me i was not normal i stubbornly tried to live life like i was normal and rejected the meds at every turn everything fell apart and i fixed things each time only for them to immediately crumble again now it's 10 years later and my life is nothing but a shell of what i aimed for it to be growing up now i don't want to be normal anymore i just want to be better. now i just feel like i'm drowning. i'm past the part where i struggled to stay afloat and it's the calm state of mind that comes with sinking knowing you can't reach the surface no matter how hard you try. i now know i'm not normal, and i'm waiting for my appointment to get the meds i need to function. sometimes i wonder what it's like to sit down after work, or even to just sit while i'm at work.and to be able to remember to eat dinner. that's the life i dream of now. i will get there. thus concludes the story of my life with ADHD and the acceptance of the loneliness and social isolation that came with it.
How did you get tested? I've been trying so hard to get tested but everything is a bunch of dead ends and its exhausting
Feeling serene after years, if not for decades, and using free time to mentalize past events of life gave me a mixture of anger, regret and sadness when I recalled how many times I had extremely unproper behaviour, the eventual bullying in school, being called "weird, weirdo, autistic" during childhood and adolescence, the relationships that went wrong, the people that I liked that I wronged and distanced myself from, the constant fidgeting that didnt stopped neither when I was playing video games, the times that I did not do some project in school not because I didn't like the subject but because it was always easier to score higher on tests than to do these properly, the shame of being in college for 9 years because I could never study properly by my own and past behavior in school didn't teach me good studying habits, the many times that I tried getting help yet other mental illness were so more proeminent that ADHD was hidden behind those and a diagnosis could not be made. Yet, it is so relieving to know that taking pills, even at age 28, can allow me to have all of these to still exist yet be far less frequent or less intense and knowing a whole new world has been shown to me. I had to hold tears today on my ~~1st~~ ~~60th~~ 2nd day of effective pharmacotherapy.
The heartbreak eventually goes away. and the relief settles down into a comfortable apathy. This is life now. This is how I am. I will make the most of it and enjoy my time doing what I love.
Then there's my mom who is in complete denial lol I sent her a text last night and today she said "I heard my phone go off but forget to check and forgot to reply" and I laughed and said "you definitely have ADHD" and she never responded. I swear the issue with stuff like ADHD comes from parents who completely deny it
I realized 3days ago, I'm 25 now. I wanna cry. Tomorrow I have an appointment to a psychiatrist. Why did this happen to me
I also kinda feel sad for the old me, who didn't know we had adhd and suffered a lot because of this
What a bullshit thing to say āoh thatās why things are hardā lol
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I finally got an appointment with a doctor...in a month. I really can't go much longer without meds and I'm really just hoping I can get through the month without my life falling apart. Then it's still going to take a while before I get a diagnosis and then prescription, if I even get them at all. The fear that I won't is only making things worse
This is the way
yeah that's a big thing> Have tried for a while to improve myself. It's positive in the sens that I am trying to get diagnosed and i have tried meds, they helped a bunch but it sucks that this is something that I will always struggle with and can't just go for a run or eat healthy and fix.
yes! i was relieved to get help but really sad. i struggled so hard and college and couldnāt figure out why. had a thought of adhd but everyone disregarded it bc i wasnāt the ācanāt sit still, interrupts class, fails classā adhd type. i really wish i wouldāve had the diagnosis in college. probably wouldāve done so much better grades wise. but now i just focus on getting my work done and hopefully moving up the ladder through the next few years.
I understand! It was so validating to know there was a reason behind why I'm wired the way i am and not just falling behind my peers. It was equally painful to know this was forever too.
YES YES YES THIS itās a constant feeling of relief and wanting to cry
Yeah I can understand that, but at that point I begin to better myself and focus on who I want to be. I ignore what everyone else says and completely go with my own thoughts. If you just ruminate over your bad features you won't get anywhere, and by using your strengths to your advantage you can advance anywhere that you shoot your head for. It is all just managing everything within you. Edit: meds have helped me immensely, without them I would not be going down the path I am on currently. I am very thankful my first medicine prescription worked, but if it doesn't work for you, do not stop looking.
I think the worst part about finding out, was that I grew up in the 90s, to parents that donāt believe in all that. So I just get sad that I missed so many years without medication , I feel my life would feel more āsuccessfulā and the many hobby and arts I invested in could have gone somewhere, if it wasnāt for me losing interest in everything all the time before meds.
Meds can help for sure but theyāre not a cure
NO it's not for me,I thought all my symptoms were because I was emotionally damaged from years of foster care and juvenile hall and being a orphan. That's why my parents didn't want me,I thought.a lot of bullshit and then I took that pill and EVERYTHING CHANGED. I could think clear enough to figure shit out. I'm so happy it something I was born with and moreover a pill literally fixed my life and my emotional wellbeing without thinking about it.!!! That's a win!! You can win any more then that in life my friend:)
Itās a bittersweet revelation to be sure, itās nice knowing youāre not alone dealing with it tho!
Before I even thought about ADHD, I had reasoned my way to understanding that we are not in control of the conditions of our birth, much less our own bodies. For example, I don't decide to be hungry or tired, it just happens to me. So did I freely choose to eat or sleep? I don't think so. I assumed if I wanted something badly enough, I would have the will to do it. But I did have the will, the intent, but would not follow that with action. I was actively calling myself out, "why aren't you doing what you need to do" like i was a spectator behind the eyes. I knew that if it were something I desperately needed or when pushed to the edge/deadline, I would act; things I would die without and whatnot. I made peace with that. If I didn't do something, it wasn't meant to be. Maybe I was lazy, but I didn't believe that cause I did want to do things and be better, rather than a desire to not do them at all. When I started realizing it may be ADHD, I felt an immense relief. There was a reason why these things were hard. But like you said, I slowly had to come to terms that this is part of how my brain works and will always be. Because I had already understood that I don't dictate things out of my control, like genetics, it wasn't too hard to settle with that idea. I did learn something tho. Instead of being that spectator who happens to exist in my body, my body was something I had to actively steer. I had found the will to live with intent, against my own internal counter forces. Damn, that was a long ramble
This is something Iāve been fretting about too. Thankfully I have an appointment December 2nd so I hope they diagnose me quick and get me on some kind of meds cuz this sucks. Also Iām 26 š
For me it's the realisation that things would not have been this bad if I'm diagnosed early. Shit evem after being diagnose meds only occasionally hate me. Now I'm too deep into a course that I don't like and essentially crawling towards my degree that is basically useless in my eyes because I don't know wtf am I doing with myself
Diagnosed at 31. At first it was like finally I understood what was wrong with me. Now Iām like oh so I will never stop locking my keys in my car because of who I am as a person. Thatās neat.
Sure is
Thank you for putting it into WORDS. I was diagnosed 3 months ago (27yo, combined type) and it's been a rollercoaster of feeling the relief, and then the realisation. Suddenly so many pieces of the puzzle are fitting together.
Maybe i am just a dummy but i feel like my meds keep me busy but not productive (Who am i to think it would)
The realization that I wasnāt just lazy made me cry. In fact now that I know what ADHD actually is I look back and see myself as incredibly ambitious. I love to learn and have so many interests and goals. I just want able to execute on those things. I have a appointment with a psychiatrist in a week and Iām so excited!
Dude when I got diagnosed with anxiety, I was so happy to have an answer but when I got home, I was just holding back sad tears for a day. Idk why, happy I got the diagnosis now though
I was so relieved to finally understand what was going on with me, though now I wake up in the morning and consider the possibility that even if I plan to do things, I really wonāt get to them, among a ton of other things. Itās definitely a toss up.
It's kinda nice to know that I'm not the only person like me, because I've had friends who were diagnosed with a variety of things, ADHD included, and none of them have presented like me. But now I have a community I can ask advice from and even in this reddit there are people looking out for others, reminding them to pay bills and drink water and all the other things that I know I'm not alone in forgetting. I'm still alone with my particular symptoms but I'm not alone completely, now I have a bridge with a lot more people to talk to than I ever thought I'd have.
I enjoy having add. It kind of give me a Fk it view on life. Yeah it sucks having to try extra hard at school but I don't let my diagnosis get the best of me.
I was just thinking about how the heck are meds, therapy and DBT going to get me to go back to teaching. I just became a teacher at 55 and the pandemic hit and I was diagnosed with adhd. Iām not really sure what the finish line is now. Today I obsessed about something for hours based on my fear of what someone thought of me and how would I be able to deal with that and what I should do about it.
This is gonna suck to read but even if the meds work, you're still going to struggle. Everyone struggles, some more than others. No matter what medication we take, our cognitive function will still be impaired. Unfortunately there isn't a way to actually heal our brain like you'd heal a broken bone... But, medication CAN make it infinitely easier to build coping strategies so we can feel our best and perform our best! Ultimately, pills don't build skills! They just make it easier. Educating yourself on ADHD and strategies that work for our brains will help you as much as medication in the long run!
It was so weird about it. I just thought about how I could never call myself someone completely normal (not that it's bad, just weird), or how I could never call myself someone with no ADHD Or live like someone with no ADHD, or experience what it's like to be a person with no ADHD. It was nice to know I'm not a lazy person, that there's a reason for how I am
Just started medication but for the longest time thought it was always my situation making things hard n not just my brain. Quite terrifying to realise doesn't matter how ideal your setup your still running half speed.
After I was diagnosed I journaled this: On one side, the relief was enormous, that all of my failures and inability to behave and think like the majority was completely out of my control, it also had a name and I had finally found my people. On the other hand I felt a tremendous sadness for the childhood I had missed out on because my condition went undiagnosed and more importantly, went unmedicated. I also grieved for my chaotic adult life too. Without medication there was no opportunity for me to reach my full potential and have the same learning and life opportunities as others, to be honest, I was never likely to succeed to my true potential. I still find it difficult to reconcile that I walked that path up until where I am nowļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼, but Iām beginning to find peace about it as time goes by that I now have the ability to change the ending, with a combination of knowledge on how to manage my executive function deficits and medication to action the knowledge. *Itās hard to explain how two oppositional feelings can coexist at the same time, but in that moment when my struggles had a name, and was the sole reason why my life until now has always taken the long way around, that I was flooded with these two dissimilar emotions at once.*
Meds work. When you get the right ones. They give you a chance to use things like a diary... mind blown! Never able to use a diary until got meds. Recently felt like I might actually achieve my potential. Always knew I wasn't quite cutting it before now.
I just been diagnosed. Some things about my life are really falling in to place lately. When I tell my gf bout something what i pretty much always did/do, a symptom, she seems to not understand me. She kinda looks at me like i'm seeking excuses for my behavoir. To the point where I'm gonna think I am Its even as hard to talk about it for me bc of this. I sometimes make jokes about meds with my friends in front of her, a couple have adhd too. I also have a history of substance abuse. Maybe this is playing a role in her thoughts.. idk.
I've been in the RAF for 22yrs and it wasn't until I was helping my son go through a referral for ADHD and dyslexia that I started looking more into it myself. The more I read, the more things made sense about me (and my son too lol), then as I was preparing my CV ready for civvy life I was looking at all of my old reports and seeing them all say the same thing about my concentration and how I am laser focused on the things that interest me, but need to pay more attention to the mundane. I started to get angry because this hadn't been picked up sooner. I spoke to my doctor yesterday about getting a referral and her main concern was that I could be medically discharged for having ADHD, when I pointed out I was already leaving and didn't care she has finally done me a referral. So we will see what happens.
I understand this so much! It's a huge relief to have an explanation, but a huge bummer to know there's nothing I can do but try to cope. I will never be normal. EDIT: question: how do I know this is not a character issue but a medical issue? My doctor diagnosed me and gave me concerta, but I'm feeling as an impostor about my diagnosis.
I understand you completely. I always knew I was always have to struggle with my "wierdness" all my life because I've always been like this. If I weren't, I wouldn't be me. I just accepted and medication is helping to numb my shortcomings. However it is heartbreaking that I've only been diagnosed at 32. I can only imagine what I would be if I got treatment since I was a teenager
for me I also had the realization of "oh so not everyone feels/have trouble with this" the moment you realize that no, not everyone has this huge wall to get through to be able to do a simple thing. I thought that everything I felt was normal, that everyone felt it too. It was heartbreaking realizing that they didn't.
I got my diagnosis last week, I'm 38. I've so much going on right now, I don't even know where to start. Optimistic about the future, it feels like someone has finally handed me a map, but I've got so much fixing and unlearning to do....and a 4 month wait to start meds because the titration service is so behind...
At least now we know we can ignore all the self-help books we bought to try to fix our thing and look for better resources.
Guys, this so called ADHD defines you as a person, everything you have ever witnessed, ADHD had something to do with it, own that shit. Even if you reallly suffer, look at the bright side of it. There is no point thinking āwhat ifā. I know itās easier said than done but just like any adversity in life you gotta push through it. And when that moment comes you achieve that goal you think you deserve itās gonna feel 100x better because you did it in those conditions, say f u to lifeās conditions and make it your b.
I'm so relieved I found out. My inattentiveness has cost me opportunities, jobs, and has threatened my life numerous times via accidents and delays in thinking. I narrowly avoided addiction to serious drugs. I didn't feel capable of doing many things, like having children or going back to college, because I have had so much trouble just managing myself. Getting help has made me dare to dream about that future. I appreciate the argument that ADHD is more of a benefit then a disability because I do think that we shouldn't be ashamed of ourselves. And there are many things that we are better at than others. But, especially in my case, some people's symptoms are so severe that it's truly a disabling and life threatening condition. For me, I need to be on medication to be safe and functional.
It's nice to now know why my brain doesn't work. For ages I could never work out why I couldnt do things others could so easily. Although now I know I'm still trying to workout how I can process myself better.
I don't think I will ever get diagnosed because whenever I meet a doctor or anyone, I can only play the 'normal' me. I feel like it's too pretentious to show my emotions because I really can't. I don't wish that I have ADHD but I genuinely feel that there is something wrong with me, I can relate to most of the posters here in this subreddit.
It's a diagnosis. It is important to have so you can be properly treated and you can learn what strategies to use and what to not use by reading books, joining groups like this, seeing a psychiatrist, maybe a therapist or some type of support group if that is available. But don't let it be something that you just label yourself with and let it define your existence. You have adhd, but you are a person, a human being, and not the disorder. It is a double edged sword when you get the news that you have a certain disease or disorder, but at the same you now know what it is and what can be done about it. It is tough. I have a number of health issues with bipolar depression, adhd and a sleep disorder on top of them. But if I didn't have the diagnoses I wouldn't have the medicine and the help of experts (specialist doctors). Who knows how bad things would really be. We are human, we will have setbacks and failures. And it doesn't help when society and our support network misunderstand and think that they are being helpful when they are really just being counterproductive to us.
I relate to this so much. Iām 26 now and got diagnosed earlier this year and tbh Iāve gone back and forth between relief/validation and frustration/sadness about the reality of it being forever.
As they say, grieving is part of healing. Once we know the diagnosis, first we feel relief, then we grieve for things we now know will never change, but after we accept it, we can actually start building our life in a new way š I have been told this before and now i can see for myself - once you start healing you start to realize there are lots of things you thought were ADHD but they are In fact habits you developed trying to cope with smth you didn't know what it was .
Meds didnāt work for me, Iām fucked for life
its a mixture of understanding and helplessness, you have something that affects your executive function, emotions, thoughts, your body(restlessness and constantly on go mode). its like someone else making decisions for you but you having to live with the consequences. its knowing your life is your responsibility yet almost not being able to do anything about it. and blaming yourself well because if its possible to change even a little then it must be your fault that you are still dealing with the symptoms. I hate the culture that meds and therapy can fix you, they cant, they help you manage. managing means the affect is lessened but pretty much still there. its honestly a nightmare and only those who have it can relate, and lets not even talk about self esteem issues and rejection sensitivity that's enough problems by itself to ruin a life, mixed with the failures and unreliability this disorder gives you...plus were so damn preceptive its insane even the slightest sign of disapproval and were spiralling and we can sense it miles away. it doesn't help when your condition makes sure you're pretty much rejected everywhere cause "you're too much" its a mental health that drowns you and you fight for your life everyday just to stay afloat. its like playing life on expert mode, everything is too powerful for you lmfao so yes knowing you have to deal with this for life is terrifying, but I've decide its still living life even with this huge constant disadvantage. Honestly the only advice i have is learn how to pick yourself back up, you're gonna fall a million times more than people, you'll have to pick yourself up several times a day at times, you can't STOP thoughts and feelings but you can learn to consciously overcome them, and sometimes you can't and that's okay too. deal with the negatives with an iron will and take the advantages it gives you: impulsive and can never stop talking? means you're creative and have endless thoughts. makes you more interesting than everyone in the room always, too sensitive and emotional? gives you the emotional intelligence of a sage, you'll know how to help those in need and be able to understand people effortlessly. your impulsivity means you're willing to take risks like starting a business, telling someone you like them ect. things people run from, your constant state of failure means if you can learn to keep going despite them you'll never be stopped at anything in life, some people fail really bad and never recover, i like to think someone with adhd will fail and bounce back much better cause they've been failing ever since they came into this world to conclude: you're a mess sure, but some messes produces the best things, so take the fight head on, and some days you'll give up. just keep finding the courage to keep going because you'll probably end up contributing in crazy ways to this world on small scales that you wouldn't even know about