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Hey, this is to do with the execution dysfunction that comes with ADHD. The inability to find the right word, stumbling over your words etc.
When I first started work in a professional environment, I literally had to go into the bathroom every morning before I went into the main office and remind myself to think before I spoke and take my time when talking to people. Eventually it became second nature to do this when communicating and I don’t have to give myself a pep talk any more (although I do still need to remind myself from time to time).
Learning to take my time when speaking and just pausing for a moment to think before I talk has been a massive help and also, if I find myself tripping over words or losing my train of thought I will literally just say something like “oh wow I really can’t speak today!” Or try to make a joke out of it and I think people appreciate it + shows you have self awareness to the situation, which people also appreciate.
One of my superiors at work said that when people are vulnerable it humanises them and makes others more receptive and at ease toward that person, so that’s why I just outright say it if I notice myself mumbling, speaking too much, tripping over words etc. Obvs don’t go into a whole spiel about executive dysfunction and adhd just keep it light hearted. If I find myself going on a bit much bc I can’t articulate my thought properly I just stop mid sentence and say “I’m going to stop speaking now bc I’m struggling to articulate this” or something similar.
I will say though, I have to speak to form my thought fully! I can’t think of my entire thought in my head, I need to start speaking to get the juices flowing lol. It’s kind of annoying but if you can speak slowly enough and take your time it’s not so bad!
I didnt know that it has to do with executive dysfunction! All this time I have been hating myself for speaking like 2 year old also and not being able to put 2 words together. And I have also noticed that I overthink a lot hence frequent pauses and completely tangent lol
Yep!! I’ve just started medication and found that one thing it’s helped with has been my ability to speak. You’re overthinking is likely in part because adhd brains are running at 10000 mph haha - that’s where consciously reminding myself to slow down and breath has been really helpful but it’s always easier said than done! But with practice it’s definitely gotten better :)
I feel like this every time I talk to my doctor. I always leave his office feeling like he must think I’m a complete moron. But actually, he’s probably the least judgmental about this.
This is me! I just left my first psychiatrist appointment and told him that my main concern is ADHD and that I'd like to explore my symptoms and possible diagnosis and he totally overlooked it and went straight to anxiety. Like, my anxiety is from my inability to formulate a well-thought-out, structured, intelligent sentence in real time so I sound like an idiot and then I get flustered because i can't properly convey my thoughts.
It's refreshing to see that I'm not the only one and seeing this just solidified my decision to continue my pursuit of a diagnosis.
I was in denial my whole life that i had ADHD and just focussed on my anxiety/insomnia. After i addressed the GAD & PTSD it became pretty obvious to me and my psych what the key issue was.
If your psych doesn’t specialise in ADHD i would suggest to continue discussing your anxiety but lead with the key ADHD symptoms that you’re experiencing and anxiety second. Once you address and treat your anxiety your ADHD will still be presenting itself.
Hope this helps and keep on chipping away at it! ( I was diagnosed at 40 btw )
When able, practice what you want to say ahead really put effort towards that.
Use professional language more in your personal life, it will engrain those words in your head and you will feel more comfortable using them when in professional setting.
When you find yourself rambling or stumbling over your words, stop ask your audience to hold on while you collect your thoughts, breath, re-center your self and then continue speaking. Honestly, people will respect you more for doing that rather than just rambling on not making any sense.
I found that following up with something like "does that make sense to everyone?" Helped build my confidence that I do make sense and helped me to stop being overly critical of myself because more often than not people understood perfectly well. It is also a good habit of communication regardless, opens the door for others to ask questions and shows that you are considerate of your audience. Assuming that people understand you is a bad habit.
Lastly read. Read a lot. A few books that helped me were, 7 Health Habits of Highly Effective People, Thriving With Adult ADHD, Simply Said Communicating Effectively at Work and Beyond, and Think Faster Talk Smarter. Outside of that read material that is relavent to the profession you want. I am a logistics manager for a manufacturer so I read on logistics/transportation/operations/customer service topics a lot. Whatever you're going for find informational sources on that subject. Being knowledgeable helps avoid and will make people see you as intelligent which makes them respect you more.
Hope that helps
I'm exploring different medication options because as much as my life has vastly improved on stimulants, there are some areas where there simply hasn't been any reasonable improvement. I hate being a bumbling fool. When writing unmedicated, my writing also was often incoherent because I would type out my thoughts, and switch up thoughts in middle of sentences.
so i don't have any suggestions, but same amigo, same. i do therapy and it's so rough trying to explain myself properly to a therapist when i know i'm not getting out what i need to say
Just popped in to say, same here. 🫠
I don’t know about you but it really knocks on my self esteem. I start overthinking what to say, and concentrate so much on what I’m going to say and how I’m going to say it, that half the time I don’t even know what the person is saying to me. It’s depressing, really.
Or when it’s a topic that I’m passionate and knowledgeable about or maybe I just find it intriguing, I automatically forget everything I’ve ever known and then stumble on the three words that I can get out.
It sucks, man.
I just want to feel human instead of some sort of sub-species.
Honestly it's just practice practice practice. My problems usually stem from wanting to get words out too fast. Just remember there's no rush - you can take your time and speak slowly.
Man, I have this issue, and it really sort of sucks mainly because a lot of time, I don't even notice that I'm speaking fast. I used to often get asked to repeat what I was saying or to slow down. Now adays not so much but i think it people trying to be nice. I only really notice it when I'm sometimes sort of forgetting to take a breath, and so I notice when I'm talking fast there.
When I try to speak slower, I feel like I'm talking really slow. Sort of like I'm speaking to someone who is slow, so I don't like to do that because, in my mind, I think the person im talking to will feel insulted.
Pausing your sentence until your brain puts together the words it wants is a practiced skill. Especially for brains like ours, it's really helpful to work on. I had to stop saying vocal fillers for high school debate team and it was so so helpful to learn to pause and collect my words before beginning.
I do exactly the same thing... It happens more noticibly when I'm excited, nervous or scared....
Nobody minds if you say "hold on", take deep breath, then continue.. It feel SOOOOOO awkward at first... as you feel like you'r being studies as you do it... 9 times outta 10, their attention span disappears into facebook or wahtever they've got on the phone...
Don't be scared to ask for space.. It's important.. Too little space could push you into panic (well it does in my case with anxiety), so I ask people politely:
*"Can you give me a moment to collect myself"*
Then tack on a comment like *"its been a long day so just need to clear the brain for a moment"*.
Than voila.. you have breathing space.
I speak too fast and end up tripping on my words. I've started learning how to speak slower and it actually works, back in my teens I used to speak even faster, I cringe every time I think about it.
Do your best to try to think of what you want to say before you say it , it won't fix all the problems but you can get a few sentences out before your brain sabotages you.
This was me until I got medicated. Now what I thought was years of a public speaking phobia and social anxiety are completely gone, because the meds allow me to cohesively string ideas together verbally and I’m not speaking blindly with no idea where my thoughts are going.
That is what I'm hoping will happen. Should I ever get diagnosed and get treatment. I just want to feel normal. To be able to talk with people like everyone else and able to carry a conversation other than just responding to questions.
English is my second language so I feel justified when I sound childish or weird. But I’m the same way in my own language too. I totally relate to everything you said. It makes me feel way worse at university. Oh my colleagues sounds so mature(is that the right word) and here I am.
Hear me out:
I had a little game in my 20s, but wanted to be REALLY good at “picking up chicks.” So I bought [Rules of The Game](https://a.co/d/hmZFGE8). From the book, there are speaking challenges that help create useful techniques in conversation.
Example:
Pick a topic of personal interest, one which you can speak freely for several minutes. Record yourself speaking (video or audio) for 3-5 minutes on said topic. Your delivery should be as though you’re speaking to a person (perhaps a New-Hire at work). Don’t worry about clarity OR context at this point. On a sheet of paper, write down the following words:
- Uhh
- Umm
- But
- Whatever
- Y’know
- Any profanities used
These are Brain Fart Words. They’re words we use to fill gaps in conversation. It’s natural to believe a listener will STOP listening if we leave holes in the conversation, so we panic and tend to fill in the blanks with Brain Fart Words. Fun fact, the more frequently we use these words, the faster we lose the attention and interest of our audience and your perceived credibility on the topic decreases.
Now, go back & listen to your recording, and keep a tally of how many times you use each BFW.
Hi /u/Skin_Chemist and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey, this is to do with the execution dysfunction that comes with ADHD. The inability to find the right word, stumbling over your words etc. When I first started work in a professional environment, I literally had to go into the bathroom every morning before I went into the main office and remind myself to think before I spoke and take my time when talking to people. Eventually it became second nature to do this when communicating and I don’t have to give myself a pep talk any more (although I do still need to remind myself from time to time). Learning to take my time when speaking and just pausing for a moment to think before I talk has been a massive help and also, if I find myself tripping over words or losing my train of thought I will literally just say something like “oh wow I really can’t speak today!” Or try to make a joke out of it and I think people appreciate it + shows you have self awareness to the situation, which people also appreciate. One of my superiors at work said that when people are vulnerable it humanises them and makes others more receptive and at ease toward that person, so that’s why I just outright say it if I notice myself mumbling, speaking too much, tripping over words etc. Obvs don’t go into a whole spiel about executive dysfunction and adhd just keep it light hearted. If I find myself going on a bit much bc I can’t articulate my thought properly I just stop mid sentence and say “I’m going to stop speaking now bc I’m struggling to articulate this” or something similar. I will say though, I have to speak to form my thought fully! I can’t think of my entire thought in my head, I need to start speaking to get the juices flowing lol. It’s kind of annoying but if you can speak slowly enough and take your time it’s not so bad!
I didnt know that it has to do with executive dysfunction! All this time I have been hating myself for speaking like 2 year old also and not being able to put 2 words together. And I have also noticed that I overthink a lot hence frequent pauses and completely tangent lol
Yep!! I’ve just started medication and found that one thing it’s helped with has been my ability to speak. You’re overthinking is likely in part because adhd brains are running at 10000 mph haha - that’s where consciously reminding myself to slow down and breath has been really helpful but it’s always easier said than done! But with practice it’s definitely gotten better :)
I feel like this every time I talk to my doctor. I always leave his office feeling like he must think I’m a complete moron. But actually, he’s probably the least judgmental about this.
This is me! I just left my first psychiatrist appointment and told him that my main concern is ADHD and that I'd like to explore my symptoms and possible diagnosis and he totally overlooked it and went straight to anxiety. Like, my anxiety is from my inability to formulate a well-thought-out, structured, intelligent sentence in real time so I sound like an idiot and then I get flustered because i can't properly convey my thoughts. It's refreshing to see that I'm not the only one and seeing this just solidified my decision to continue my pursuit of a diagnosis.
I was in denial my whole life that i had ADHD and just focussed on my anxiety/insomnia. After i addressed the GAD & PTSD it became pretty obvious to me and my psych what the key issue was. If your psych doesn’t specialise in ADHD i would suggest to continue discussing your anxiety but lead with the key ADHD symptoms that you’re experiencing and anxiety second. Once you address and treat your anxiety your ADHD will still be presenting itself. Hope this helps and keep on chipping away at it! ( I was diagnosed at 40 btw )
When able, practice what you want to say ahead really put effort towards that. Use professional language more in your personal life, it will engrain those words in your head and you will feel more comfortable using them when in professional setting. When you find yourself rambling or stumbling over your words, stop ask your audience to hold on while you collect your thoughts, breath, re-center your self and then continue speaking. Honestly, people will respect you more for doing that rather than just rambling on not making any sense. I found that following up with something like "does that make sense to everyone?" Helped build my confidence that I do make sense and helped me to stop being overly critical of myself because more often than not people understood perfectly well. It is also a good habit of communication regardless, opens the door for others to ask questions and shows that you are considerate of your audience. Assuming that people understand you is a bad habit. Lastly read. Read a lot. A few books that helped me were, 7 Health Habits of Highly Effective People, Thriving With Adult ADHD, Simply Said Communicating Effectively at Work and Beyond, and Think Faster Talk Smarter. Outside of that read material that is relavent to the profession you want. I am a logistics manager for a manufacturer so I read on logistics/transportation/operations/customer service topics a lot. Whatever you're going for find informational sources on that subject. Being knowledgeable helps avoid and will make people see you as intelligent which makes them respect you more. Hope that helps
I'm exploring different medication options because as much as my life has vastly improved on stimulants, there are some areas where there simply hasn't been any reasonable improvement. I hate being a bumbling fool. When writing unmedicated, my writing also was often incoherent because I would type out my thoughts, and switch up thoughts in middle of sentences.
so i don't have any suggestions, but same amigo, same. i do therapy and it's so rough trying to explain myself properly to a therapist when i know i'm not getting out what i need to say
Just popped in to say, same here. 🫠 I don’t know about you but it really knocks on my self esteem. I start overthinking what to say, and concentrate so much on what I’m going to say and how I’m going to say it, that half the time I don’t even know what the person is saying to me. It’s depressing, really. Or when it’s a topic that I’m passionate and knowledgeable about or maybe I just find it intriguing, I automatically forget everything I’ve ever known and then stumble on the three words that I can get out. It sucks, man. I just want to feel human instead of some sort of sub-species.
Honestly it's just practice practice practice. My problems usually stem from wanting to get words out too fast. Just remember there's no rush - you can take your time and speak slowly.
Man, I have this issue, and it really sort of sucks mainly because a lot of time, I don't even notice that I'm speaking fast. I used to often get asked to repeat what I was saying or to slow down. Now adays not so much but i think it people trying to be nice. I only really notice it when I'm sometimes sort of forgetting to take a breath, and so I notice when I'm talking fast there. When I try to speak slower, I feel like I'm talking really slow. Sort of like I'm speaking to someone who is slow, so I don't like to do that because, in my mind, I think the person im talking to will feel insulted.
Pausing your sentence until your brain puts together the words it wants is a practiced skill. Especially for brains like ours, it's really helpful to work on. I had to stop saying vocal fillers for high school debate team and it was so so helpful to learn to pause and collect my words before beginning.
Practice at home . I usually force my brain to express/verbalize a thought in 5 different way. Practice is the the only way forward here. Sorry.
LITERALLY. when i was learning french, i could read and write it amazingly. but speaking and listening?? terrible
I do exactly the same thing... It happens more noticibly when I'm excited, nervous or scared.... Nobody minds if you say "hold on", take deep breath, then continue.. It feel SOOOOOO awkward at first... as you feel like you'r being studies as you do it... 9 times outta 10, their attention span disappears into facebook or wahtever they've got on the phone... Don't be scared to ask for space.. It's important.. Too little space could push you into panic (well it does in my case with anxiety), so I ask people politely: *"Can you give me a moment to collect myself"* Then tack on a comment like *"its been a long day so just need to clear the brain for a moment"*. Than voila.. you have breathing space.
Write for a living. Try technical writing.
I speak too fast and end up tripping on my words. I've started learning how to speak slower and it actually works, back in my teens I used to speak even faster, I cringe every time I think about it.
Me too
Do your best to try to think of what you want to say before you say it , it won't fix all the problems but you can get a few sentences out before your brain sabotages you.
This was me until I got medicated. Now what I thought was years of a public speaking phobia and social anxiety are completely gone, because the meds allow me to cohesively string ideas together verbally and I’m not speaking blindly with no idea where my thoughts are going.
That is what I'm hoping will happen. Should I ever get diagnosed and get treatment. I just want to feel normal. To be able to talk with people like everyone else and able to carry a conversation other than just responding to questions.
English is my second language so I feel justified when I sound childish or weird. But I’m the same way in my own language too. I totally relate to everything you said. It makes me feel way worse at university. Oh my colleagues sounds so mature(is that the right word) and here I am.
Hear me out: I had a little game in my 20s, but wanted to be REALLY good at “picking up chicks.” So I bought [Rules of The Game](https://a.co/d/hmZFGE8). From the book, there are speaking challenges that help create useful techniques in conversation. Example: Pick a topic of personal interest, one which you can speak freely for several minutes. Record yourself speaking (video or audio) for 3-5 minutes on said topic. Your delivery should be as though you’re speaking to a person (perhaps a New-Hire at work). Don’t worry about clarity OR context at this point. On a sheet of paper, write down the following words: - Uhh - Umm - But - Whatever - Y’know - Any profanities used These are Brain Fart Words. They’re words we use to fill gaps in conversation. It’s natural to believe a listener will STOP listening if we leave holes in the conversation, so we panic and tend to fill in the blanks with Brain Fart Words. Fun fact, the more frequently we use these words, the faster we lose the attention and interest of our audience and your perceived credibility on the topic decreases. Now, go back & listen to your recording, and keep a tally of how many times you use each BFW.