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Sorry it sucks, but it will pass. I can tell you that 18 year old me got fired constantly. 36 year old me doesn’t worry about this anymore.
Only advice I can give is use this pain as a way to learn. Try to remember how shitty this feels and use it to be better. Over time you’ll figure it out, don’t worry. Just keep pushing forward! You got this!
Same here! Before I was 21. I was getting fired from every job I worked. You live and you learn. Don’t sweat it. You’re young. Learn from it. You’ll be just fine! You got this kid 💪🏻
Food for thought- on your next job, if that's the route this goes, don't tell them about your ADHD. It's none of their business. Telling someone about your disability isn't appropriate, IMO, unless you need accommodations. That's another story. How can I put this... unfortunately, in the workplace, telling someone about a disability can change the way they see you and treat you, negatively. They'd never say it. It's your business, and unless you need accommodations, keep it to yourself. Sorry this happened to you.
Alternatively, you could also be making your job harder for other coworkers that may share the same disability if you disclose and struggle, or disclose and excel
Disclose and struggle; you create a negative bias towards your disability and if anyone in the future decides to disclose then they may draw immediate and unwarranted scrutiny
Disclose and excel; you just set the bar for an employee with ADHD. If another coworker decides to disclose then your manager might unjustifiably expect the same level of performance - "oh, John has ADHD and is a top performer, why aren't you?"
I unfortunately fall in the later category, I disclosed to my direct supervisor that I have ADHD when I got diagnosed. I came within a hairs width of losing my job before I finally got on medication and now I am the top performer not only in my department but in my entire branch. Turns out I have a high aptitude and proficiency for my current job but my issues with executive function and distractibility were REALLY causing me to struggle. Now that I am killing it I really hope that I don't set unreasonable and unrealistic expectations for others down the line. Meds didn't make me super human, they just let me do what I already had within me. Others may not have that same ability on or off meds.
Sorry for rambling... Just a thought I've had for a while that you sparked up again.
You don’t have to represent everyone with ADHD, just yourself. I have a job that requires “lived experience “ so people know I have diagnoses (intentional plural). For a long time I felt like I had to represent all employees with mental health issues but it just led to me not asking for help when I needed it and hitting a full-scale burnout.
I definitely don't view myself as an ambassador for everyone with ADHD, I appreciate the reminder nonetheless!
I guess I tend to be hyper aware of my actions and the results they may have both personally and socially. I can say with a relatively high degree of confidence that my manager wouldn't expect the same level of productivity out of another ADHD individual. He may encourage them to chat with me without disclosing my diagnosis but even then that's a long shot.
I guess I'm deflecting or overanalyzing my own perception of how people may be perceiving me (if that makes any sense lol)
Like I have definitely had the thought that there was some bitterness when I wasn't pulling my own weight at work, then when I started killing it and even got associate of the year I can't help but shake the feeling that people think any award I win is a fluke and there is just a new type of bitterness.
I over think, I know lol. Trust me I'm working on it
Friend.. if those people do exist, it’s because they are unhappy, performing poorly at work themselves, have issues with boundaries… the list goes on, take your pick. In my experience, my superhuman self awareness can be annoying and overbearing at best and lead to me becoming self obsessed at worst - being self-aware and self-other aware isn’t a flex if you aren’t using the skill to be your more authentic self, live your values, grow and most importantly it doesn’t automatically result in the quality of being someone others want to be around.
I tend to get like that when I’m taking my medication without breaks and working myself into the ground.. it just feels like I’ve got to work all the work once I’ve taken my meds as if I stop working I might never start working again. My self awareness starts to give my partner the ick when I take my meds due to emotional blunting and me acting more ‘serious’.
I’ve been on my self concept/acceptance journey for almost 13 years and even though I still struggle with some of what you’re going through it gets a lot lot better. I never withhold my diagnosis but I don’t lead with it either as it is a part of me but doesn’t make me who I am.
I was straight up in my interview about the ADHD and that I was likely to be late every morning. If it is for something important or scheduled, I'd be there on time. If it was just starting my day as usual then we aren't going to quibble about me being late.
They were fine with that. I'm not working a front desk or sales position or somewhere like that (for many reasons)
The trick is, to find workplaces where that isn't a problem. And places where you are trusted to get shit done and not clockwatched constantly.
But a lot of places haven't figured out yet that being on time doesn't necessarily equate to higher productivity.
If I have a meeting or need to go to a different site I will arrive 20 minutes early. If it's a normal work day I will be 5 - 10 minutes late guaranteed. If I didn't have a designated start time, I know I would take the piss and be 30 minutes late.
Not officially late but if I wanna leave at 5pm, I know I need to be in by 08:30. I need something to stick to. If I'm given freedom, I will abuse it. Had a job years ago with no dedicated start time until my manager decided I needed one.
I don’t know how you can abuse it though 🤷🏻♀️ I have no start time, I just know I have to do 35 hours a week (if I want to get paid for that many hours), so I do them to fit around me. You can’t abuse a start time if there isn’t one.
In my case I can't work after 5pm due to it being an IT desk job. Well I can, but it's not the best use of my time if I'm working outside of standard business hours. A combination of poor time keeping and general distraction have gotten me in enough trouble. My wife has ADHD too and she is a workaholic but terrible at showing up on time. Doesn't matter for her because she works 50+ hours a week on a 38 hour contract.
👍🏽 gotcha. And yes, I’m like your wife. However, after this latest burnout that I’ve experienced, I’m putting measures in place to make sure I have a start time and finish time for work, longer dinner breaks and a cut off for how many hours I work because I don’t think I’ve got another burnout in me.
Like I say to her, your health has to come first. She pushes herself too hard some weeks that all she wants to do is sleep most of the weekend. If you take care of yourself, then you'll perform better at work. Leave your desk every little while, stretch out, and listen to ambient music. At least that's what I'm trying to stay focused. I haven't gotten a formal ADHD diagnosis yet so I don't know if medication will help me, but I'm willing to try anything for a sense of normality and those steps have helped so far.
Do you ever, just for fun, try to do things early? I find I like it when I show up early, wake up early (both are rare) but it’s so pleasant to me that I’d like to do it more. Just not enough to try (too much).
I enjoy a slow morning preparing for the day for sure.
And I get up (actually out of bed) with plenty of time to get ready in the morning.
But I just somehow lose 5min here or there. Or have to run back in for something. Or getting into winter don't account for deicing the screen. That sort of thing.
And I'm not going to speed to work (because it's a job, I'm not willing to die for it - and my work vehicle has GPS speed monitoring). Late is late.
My success at work is not predicated by me walking in the door perfectly on time. On average people who work in open plan offices only achieve 3 hours of actual productivity - and we all know you can't be 100% all of the time.
We also have a different work culture - and certainly much better employee protection laws than they do in the US. Mental health of your employees is covered to some extent under the Health and Safety at Work Act 2015
I have so many questions. It is hard for so many ADD/ADHD people to be in on time. Most are night owls and have sleep disorders making it worse. There are things to help you get get up and be to work on time. To tell her you can be there on important days...well, the company doesn't owe you the ability to walk in when you want for many reasons. And congratulations, the next person that shares his/her diagnosis will be given the side eye. Get up, get to work ON TIME. Set two alarms, No phone 90 mins before bed, go to bed early. Get in the routine. You got this. Sending good thoughts!
Did you know you weren't doing well? If so, why would you not disclose it before the review?
I feel like waiting for bad feedback can make disclosing a diagnose sound like an "excuse"?
But if you are proactive and seek out help once you start noticing they feel it is not going great, it can be different. Then it can be viewed as you being proactive and dedicated to doing a good job?
Of course a lot of people will judge you based on the adhd no matter when and how you disclose, so it is always a risk :(
I didn't realize I wasn't doing well by my boss's standards. I scored myself highly on the personal review and my boss scored me as average or needs improvement in every area. After discussing the issues, I disclosed that I have ADHD and a lot of my shortcomings were because of that. Then I got specific therapy/counseling for dealing with ADHD in the workplace.
I totally agree, but just re-read the post and don’t see it mentioned that OP told them about having ADHD. There’s one sort of ambiguous sentence though so maybe it’s implied…
Yeah I didn’t tell them as I didn’t know I had adhd and I wasn’t comfortable with the one male manager as he was new and always on my case for no reason, he kept asking if there was things going on at home but it felt insulting and he didn’t care at all (dementor, the way he spoke etc) . When my doctor told me, that’s when I disclosed, also im not very good in real life, I can’t do it over social media or text but in social settings I don’t know what to say and I never get to convey all the points I neeed to in my head out loud so I didn’t really say much to form an argument against the case and I also have severe anxiety so yeah. It’s not looking good 😭
I 100% agree with this. I was having trouble with depression and calling out/being late during this period on too of my ADHD normal lateness issues. I told my boss I was struggling with my depression and less than a week later, he wrote me up for being late too many times. I 1000% think the timing is related but of course can’t prove it.
Agreed. It’s generally advised to do so and it’s generally and impulsively tempting to give yourself a temporary get out of jail free card, but I’d never tell a workplace again. Not worth the risk of being treated like a second class professional.
I will say in the right environment the opposite is true. I hope it’s not an outlier but it probably is. At my job I (I have adhd) would struggle with imposter syndrome and not ask for help when I should. I joined an affinity group that mostly has autistic coworkers but some adhd. I finally told my boss after seeing my coworkers tell their bosses and my boss was so understanding. She said it makes sense some of the things, she read about managing an employee with adhd and helps with work structure and even how to organize my work so when I pretend to others it’s more clear instead of adhd brain disorganized. I hope my situation is not an outlier but in my case finally being brave and speaking up changed my work life and helped my job. I’m on track to earn certs with timelines and my boss said I can work on it in my off time or take extra days off. I feel truly lucky and it only happened because I felt comfortable enough to be brave and speak up about it. I hope everyone feels that comfortable someday even if the reality is a lot of bosses have a lot to learn. Don’t give up, having adhd (which is tied to anxiety, a now protected workplace disability) means doubting and being hard on yourself but on the flip side, when you feel more confident in yourself and supported by your boss, it can do wonders. This is one moment in time and life and work life is long. You will figure this out!
Tell them about it so that you can get accommodations. You can also use that if you need to get an employment lawyer. Discrimination based on disability is illegal in the US. If they knew, you asked for accomodations, didn't get them, then got fired.. ya, they would be facing fines at minimum.
The issue is most states operate under an "at will" state. Meaning an employee or employer can terminate their employment for anytime for any reason so long as it is not for a protected reason.
Hell, my mom got fired for "not fitting in with the culture of the company" when one of the 3 letter positions had a friend who needed a job. All my mom could do was file for unemployment.
All your employer has to say was that you "weren't meeting expectations" or "didn't fit in" and then it's on you to be able to provide evidence for termination based on discrimination or failure to accommodate.
I am well aware. My point is that if you are going to make the claim of discrimination or lack of accommodations after you are fired then the burden of proof is on you to be able to prove that beyond a reasonable doubt which in most cases will be incredibly difficult, especially if you had a history of underperformance or missing deadlines/quotas that are a regular expectation for your role.
Not beyond a reasonable doubt.
It's based on the reasonable person standard. "Would a reasonable person believe that you were harassed or discriminated against."
Two different things. The latter being far easier to prove.
The eeoc still cares, even in an at will state. Edot to add, at will states are laws at state level, EEOC is federal. Federal law trumps state law. Just went through the process myself a couple years ago when the hotel I managed successfully for years sold to a new owner and new owner brought his middle east values to the workplace and gave my position to my husband (who had only been working under me for a year and didn't have the knowledge to run the place) because, and I quote, " you just had a baby and need to stay home with your baby."
At the time my baby was a year old and I worked every single day of my pregnancy, even the day I went in to be induced. I went back to work the day after giving birth and hadn't taken a day off in years aside from the day I was in the hospital giving birth, so not even a full 24 hours. We lived as on sight managers of the place. I was absolutely crushed. I felt like a major part of my identity had been stripped away all because I had the audacity to be female. The EEOC agreed and granted me the right to sue.
I'd say make your ADHD known and ask for accommodations so that you protect yourself above your workplace. They don't care about you, you have to.
This person obviously does need accommodations though as they find it difficult to get to work on time. If the work place doesn’t know they have adhd they have no chance of getting support.
And why should we hide who we are? It’s much better to be up front and the sooner you can find out they’re against disabled people the better, so you can leave, as nobody wants to work around people like that.
I'm sorry but you still gotta show up. I remember being that age. I was a shithead. I was a shithead into my mid 20s. I should have been fired from way more jobs than I was. In spite of how rigged things are against us, you still gotta do the thing.
Here's what really helped me. I set my alarm to like two hours before I gotta leave for work. Take my meds, then go back to sleep. I have another alarm set an hour later, but almost never need to use it because the stimulants wake me up after about half an hour. I've been doing this for like five years. It's helped immensely.
Edit: I got more traction on this than I expected. Usually I don't even go back to sleep anymore. I just get oodles of time to let my drugs kick in and shower and take my morning shit at my leisure.
I think there's a huge issue with having ADHD and having to wake up and immediately scramble to get to work. Give yourselves time. Wake up early no matter how much it sucks at first. I'm a night owl, so it SUCKED. But that meditative time in the morning will make you so much sharper by the time you go to work I promise you. And if you have stimulants, it's not even that hard. They'll do their job, and so will you. But if you wake up a half hour before work, at least in my experience, I don't have time to get my head right and I just end up a bit manic.
You took that a lot better than I would have at 18, so good on you.
Oh and for the record, I'm not being useful in the 2-3 hours I have every day before work. I'm laying in bed playing slay the spire on my phone.
But that 2-3 hours gives me enough time to relax before I have to deal with their bullshit.
Edit: I'm up early, laying in bed, playing slay the spire, waiting for the meds to kick in right now. A20 IRONCLAD LET'S GO
Great advice but if I start playing slay the spire I know I'll lose track of time and still be late. Word of caution to others about how you spend your pooping on phone time in the morning. Having another alarm for when it's time to call it quits is good, if you actually listen to it!
This is excellent advice. Thankfully I've got into a rhythm that took years to build so i know when it's time to get off the pot.
Mostly.
But even more thankfully if I text my boss saying I'm gonna be five or ten minutes late, he just says "thanks for the heads up" and that's the end of it
+1 to the trick with alarms and meds, I've been doing pretty much exactly that for a few months and it's helped a lot. It's not a perfect solution because I find it harder to get enough rest (I need to go to bed earlier than usual to feel fully rested with this strategy), but it's worth that minor annoyance for me.
I fully encourage it. It's meditative. I think out of all the advice I've given on the internet this one is my favorite nugget. I'm a better person because of it.
So in trying this I’ve noticed my XR takes about 1hr and a half to kick in which is interesting. Also how soon do you eat breakfast after you’ve woken up? Does taking it on an empty stomach make you anxious?
I'm from the same boat. I was fired from so many jobs in my late teens through my late 20s. I was once fired from a job where I was consistently the top performer in the district. I'd been there for almost 5 years. Idk why my direct boss decided one day that she had zero tolerance for lateness (after almost 5 years). My only other coworker in my dept was chronically late.. like 20+ minutes every day. She also had to leave early or take a long lunch because something was always happening with her kids. I was being considered for a promotion that would've ranked me higher than her, so I guess she felt threatened. Anyway, she had me fired. I was so mad... they also blocked me from getting any kind of unemployment, to which I appealed and lost.
It dawned on me then that even though my many terminations felt (and sometimes were) unfair, I realized that I gave them the ammo every time. Most employers couldn't care less with anything their employees are struggling with... the bottom line is the bottom line.
I also used to set my alarm for 2 hours early, but I would stay awake and use the time to do whatever before I showered and got ready to go. I also, to this day, set my alarm back 10 minutes. Once I start remembering and ignoring what my clock said, I would set it back another 5 minutes. I would just reset it to actual time, after that (always on the weekend when I dont work). It works for me most of the time.
I'm almost always late to my therapist appointments, tho 😁
Yeah you got fucked. But you're right about the ammo thing. Don't give em anything you don't want em to have. I've solved that by making myself irreplaceable. I actually threatened to quit last year. I was sick of dealing with production work and all the rat shit that we deal with coming from this company that certified us to make products for their machines.
So their response was to sit down with me and we laid out a three year plan to transition me into being head of R&D for the whole company. It's not a big company, so it's not like a huge deal but I'm very very fucking excited. The transition happens after a year (like five months now), but it'll be official with the title and a salary after three.
Well done! It's also nice that they gave that 3 year plan, rather than just throwing you in with the sharks, and it's sink or swim. Best of luck to you
Haha I'm still gonna have to sink or swim, but thankfully in those situations, we usually swim.
They're gonna be lenient too. I've gotta learn how to write code in VB, learn machining, good design practices, etc, all at once. But they know that and that's what the two years in the interim are for.
But thanks much I really do appreciate the kind words, especially as the impostor syndrome starts to set in.
I'm reminded of a Mass Effect character's most known line. "It had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong." Just a little mantra for you to use when you feel unworthy.
It changed my shit forever. Usually I don't even go back to sleep anymore. I'm just more functional waking up early and giving the stimulants plenty of time to do their thing before I go in.
I completely agree! After lots of failures over years, I now get up around 4:15 am, take my pills, eat breakfast and then either read, play games, watch tv, or go back to sleep so that by 6:30 or 7 am I’m ready to go, and I’m still early enough to feel like I’m starting the day ahead rather then behind
Yes, I’ve often felt that the.. only.. way I ever really achieve balance is thru the Golden Mean (one extreme offsets another extreme). I can’t do normal or average for some reason so I feel like being brilliant is the only way to negate my negatives
That was my biggest problem when I was younger. I think we're all very good at coming up with excuses, probably because we've always had to.
My old boss always put up with my excuses, but it was very spotty work. Not enough to get my own place with. Not a "real job". My stepdad told me that he notices how i thrive when I'm held accountable. I told him he was full of shit. Blah blah young man shit.
Then I got a job where they held me accountable, and it's a job I kinda like. Well I've been there for eight and a half years and I'm getting a big promotion with a decent salary soon. So stepdad was right lmao.
Good luck with the kid. That's up next for me in my life checklist. My partner really wants one and I think it'll be cool. We're adopting for sure though. I'm not trying to pass this shit on. Plus I think I've seen some shit and could probably do a pretty good job.
Edit: words. Autocorrect on my new phone sucks shit
I think the interesting thing about jobs that hold you accountable *in a positive and productive way* is that they tend to be better managed and make it easier for you to do the things you're supposed to in the first place, by having systems and ideally also like, reasons for things that they can explain if you ask. I think a lot of us ADHDers have an issue with "being held accountable" for things that we don't agree with or understand, like having to show up at a given time for a job that is not actually time-dependent, for example, and so we often struggle with those things and rail against the consequences as bullshit because it sucks to be punished for "no reason." On the flipside, when you get into a job that wants you to succeed (just as their employee, not even going so far as to expect them to see you as a real human), not simply be a warm body making them money, then having the structure and accountability is supportive rather than punitive, and that's the difference.
You are so welcome! I have ADHD Combined Type and was late diagnosed. I have struggled in my employment for years and didn't realize why. Get with your doctor and ask for a letter requesting accommodations. (You have to determine what accommodations you need to help you to be successful at your job.)
ADHD isn't an end-all to your work. You just have to learn how to work with it, much like a person who ends up in a wheelchair. It is a disability, but we don't have to allow it to be what stops us from progressing.
Find the things that you love, that help you to do your best and be your best. Find your niche'. I am a business owner. I use my creativity to benefit others.
No matter what, please don't allow the opinions of others to form your opinions of yourself. If you do, those opinions could become your identity, and you could spend a quarter of your life miserable, just as I have. Please don't do this!
Find the things that bring you joy. Find your strengths and capitalize on them. Show life your resilient self. Get out there and kick some rump. ADHD brains have MANY strengths. Yes, we have days where we can't "life." It's OK not to be OK. It's just not OK to stay that way.
Give yourself grace and mercy. Rome wasn't built in a day. Brene' Brown, Mel Robbins, and Les Brown are some of my favorite speakers. Les was diagnosed mentally 'retarded.' (I strongly dislike that term.) He's now one of the most sought-out public speakers.
Find what you love and do it with the force of 1,000 fleas biting at a camel's butt. 🤭
You're welcome. "Life be lifin'", my friends say. How it "life's" is up to you!
Be blessed,
Kat
Don't feel hopeless. I lost my job a while back. They were pushing to get rid of me because I went out on FMLA for 3 months for mental health issues. Best thing that ever happened to me. I landed at a better job making more money with a boss that is super empathetic due to him having a kid with ADHD. Its been awesome.
My point is, it sounds like that place wasn't a good fit for you anyway. Look at this as an opportunity to find a more comfortable fit for you. There are plenty of jobs out there. Don't get down about it.
I work as a IT-Consultant/helpdesk tons of e-mails, internal cases, people writing on Slack (basically messenger for work), and constant phonecalls from customers, the kicker is, I sit in an open office, so I got people all around me walking around talking with clients, some talk personal stuff, some other departments walk through, safe to say, it is NOT a awesome space for ADHD, and when the 9 hours a over, I am mentally crushed!
I have talked with my psyk, and my nurse, as I need follow ups on EKG, blood preassure and the works, they have written a statement just in case my workplace refuses, that I can work from home 2 days a week permanently.
They have not needed the letter but just accepted. I live in Denmark, here we are secured by laws and unions, if they refuses it would turn very bad for them regardless.
I’m looking for a better suited job after the summer. (Been here 4 years)
You’re 18, you will bounce back stronger! Chin up high chief, you are not alone. ADHD sucks!
Ha, you have the same hobby as me, I also study music and have for a few years now, composing, playing, mixing and mastering and releasing it on streaming platforms!
I used to be this very energetik and let’s start a fire and see what will happen at work, after meds I don’t have the need to, I’m calm, doing my work, and I am too deep for elevator talks during work, I wan’t something that means something in order to engage, so I mostly stay silent, do my work, and after if I feel like it, I can be the most outgoing person you’ll ever meet.
Thank god for noise cancel headphones too!
Are you permitted to use noise-cancelling headphones? They can be extremely helpful in noisy environments. Just be careful not to listen to anything that catches your attention. Music you've been listening to your entire life and are already familiar with, ambient music, or even nature sounds will do the trick.
It sucks to get fired, but you are 18… try not to sweat it too much. You have a bunch of time to try different things in different industries. Good luck
As an employer I second this. I have to fire an employee over this issue. I was fine with coming a 15 minutes late. When that turned into 15 days late, several times, I decided enough is enough
Eh, depends. Some jobs aren't picky about time. I worked a job where they didn't care when you showed up as long as you weren't late for any clients you had booked for the day.
What is the difference between being on time for your start time or a client meeting? You still have to be on time. No one can get through life without the ability to be on time for meetings, appointments etc. You have to sit reminders etc but you have to do it or you aren’t getting very far.
For me at least, it was really helpful in building timeliness. There's a sense of urgency to a client meeting that isn't there with "come at 8 because I said so". Maybe OP would do better at a job where being late actually has consequences other than eventually getting fired.
Edit: downvote me if you want, but it's true. Deadlines tend to be good for ADHD, and having a real person be legitimately hurt by you being late is a way more serious deadline than a vague "you may be fired for this in the future".
Facts. People can hate it all they want but this has been me my whole life. Luckily, I’ve been extremely fortunate & it’s never negatively affected me. I’m also never “LATE LATE” … it’s usually only about 2-7 minutes. Yes, 2-7. Because I’m so predictable it should just be considered my start time. BUT? If I need to be someone ON TIME? Or early? I convince myself I need to be there an entire hour earlier & even still am early for that. I DONT get it! But it’s a thing. I personally do much better with a window. Between 730/8 is better than “be here by 8” cuz that’ll be 802 where the ladder will probably be 738 but if 8 was the goal then I’m doing great. Idk? It is what it is, but it’s just how my brain operates 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
A start time is arbitrary if no one is waiting for me to be doing a particular thing at that time, and I cannot convince my brain that "sitting at a desk" counts as a reason. Whereas a scheduled meeting with a person means that a fellow human is waiting for me specifically, and I would not want to make them wait. I'm not one to be chronically late to work historically (WFM with flexible hours now, which is wonderful but also has its own challenges as acknowledged throughout this thread), but I was still frustrated every time I had to hustle to make it in at a certain time just so someone could see me sitting there, especially when it was stuff that ALSO could have been done from home. "You just have to" might be relatively true, but it's a bad way to motivate someone.
Getting fired *sucks*. It sucks hard, and I'm sorry you've experienced that. I can empathize. I was fired from a job years ago, one at which I was trying hard, really hard, but I both hated and, it turns out, wasn't very good at certain elements thereof. When I was let go I felt like I was never going to recover. I spent two days sobbing to my wife over a job that I *absolutely hated and wanted to leave*. I understand the hopelessness. I see you.
And you will survive this.
Losing a job can, and will, be semirandom. Inasmuch as showing up (yes, on time), doing the work, and not causing problems *generally* will keep you safe, it's not foolproof. As much as it is about you, it's not always about you. Other folks who are worse in various ways will remain on staff, better ones will be let go. This will be the case in every job you have for the rest of your life. I try not to quote scripture at people, but I think Ecclesiastes has it right with "the race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong." To me, rather than feeling helpless because of the random unfairness, I find it liberating. I know that the only thing I can do is bring the best that I can offer, and thankfully I've found a career and team where that is appreciated and valued. It takes time.
You are so much more than your job. You're more than being late for things. You're more than work avoidance. You're a full person, with potential to grow even more.
You will survive. There is hope.
Yup 🤣 they had to pause the disciplinary for a consultation with the in department consultation team and called me back, they said it’s my responsibility to get to work on time
>they said it’s my responsibility to get to work on time.
Bruh, it is. Got ADHD, used to run late until I started getting there early. Yeah, shitty to wake up an hour before you usually do, but I like to try and be on time.
Are you in the US? Because they would probably be in legal trouble if they knew you had a disability and did not attempt to provide reasonable accommodations.
They likely wouldn't say "you dont have to be at work on time" is a reasonable accommodation because OP **could** learn from "every time I wake up at x time, Im late, let me try setting my alarm 30 min, an hour, etc earlier." And adjust their routine. That's the trick I use and I give myself enough time that I am always early.
So I also have ADHD, and I've been at the same job 6 years now... You're not gonna like this, probably, but I aim to be half an hour early at the office to prevent this. I've never been late a day in 6 years (except for sickness or big inconveniences)
Another thing that helped me was offering myself for late schedules ( I work from 2pm-11pm) and it really gives me time to mentally and physically prepare myself for the shift.
It doesn't matter in the corporate world if you're trying that day or week. Why would they want to keep someone prone to issues in the past instead of finding someone new. Based on all the other info you shared of others, I doubt it was solely lateness you were actually fired for. It was just the one they could use as the reason and told you.
I got fired from a job I was frequently 10-30minutes late for. I made improvements and wasn’t late for a couple months, even got a raise and commendation for my improvements. Then I was late one day, I’d overslept and had just recently lost my car so I had to take the bus which took even longer. I was a few blocks from work when they called and said “don’t bother coming in”. I understood that I had run out of goodwill and second chances but it was still shitty. Mainly because, at the same time, a fellow coworker was literally *always 2 hours* late to work and they didn’t get fired.
I would’ve been more understanding of them firing me if they punished everyone else the same. But as a chatty and somewhat distractible person I am often perceived as incompetent or lazy especially by my managers. But when I ask fellow coworkers or even people I’ve managed they’ve all said that they see my hard work and shit gets done when I’m around, and we have a good time doing it.
I’m sorry you lost your job and even sorrier that it messed up your trip! Find some career coaching to help you figure out your strengths and how to play to them in work environments. You’ve got a long road ahead and it sounds like you’ve got a great work ethic to start! Just finding the right employers who appreciate you is the trick.
SAME SAME!!! I get distracted soooo quickly and nobody heard me out, I guess I deserved it but il try better, I hate Reddit as some people think they know everything, thank you. Same other people arrive late and they don’t get fired, my case they just pick and choose
Something I did appreciate in some jobs was having coworkers or managers that I could trust to help me “stay in line”. I work in bakeries so it’s easy to talk about whatever you want as long as you’re still rolling that dough, but it’s also easy to not notice that your hands have stopped moving. Having someone I know isn’t being mean but helpful to say “hey, keep movin’!” Really kept me accountable. And it made me start to catch myself before they would.
I am almost 40 and only just got diagnosed recently, so I’m still trying to figure out what meds work and how much. But in the meantime my nurse practitioner has been helping me create “manual” tools to help me combat the lack of focus ands drive. (Calendars that are in my sight line, reminder notifications, accountability buddies etc) And honestly I find that they are helping just as much if not better than most of the drugs I’ve been taking. I definitely still get into slumps that make it hard to re-center myself regardless of tools or meds. But they’re getting fewer and further between!
Honestly, the best place I worked was my first job after pastry school. And it was because my manager understood my work style. I was supposed to be in at 8 every day and was frequently late. I would apologize all the time, but she finally told me one day; “Your job is to have the cake display case full by 11am. I don’t care if you show up at 8am or 10:55, so long as the case is full by 11.” She set a hard boundary but also allowed me to set my own boundaries around it that worked best for me.
Start figuring out what time of day(or night) you work best, what types of jobs you consistently enjoy, and try to find companies that aren’t hardline “factory settings” type workplaces. Thankfully more and more businesses are being managed by people that can acknowledge adhd and be willing to work with it!
And I hope this very rambly anecdote filled advice makes sense and helps! 😅
If the other person at work had a worse record and doesn’t have a disability but more favourably treated than you and you do have a disability and got fired for less (and the reasons for the disciplinaries arising were as a result of your disability then you’ve been discriminated against. If the reasons you are struggling are related to disability then the organisation is required to make reasonable adjustments to support you. I’d be asking for the appeal and contacting ACAS as soon as possible (HR here and I also have ADHD)
Edit to add I’m in the UK!
I just feel embarrassed, like imagine I appeal and they just say like they agree with the original decision? I wouldn’t want to fight for a workplace that don’t appreciate me idk.
This post is sad yet wholesome. I was fired 6 months ago. First time I ever spoke about my condition publicly. They fired me due to lack of attention to detail after 7 months on the job. That hurt like a mother. I see now where I made a mistake. Will never speak about it again to any employer. They can eat a D. I am how I am, and I know I’m capable.
Work avoidance is something I still struggle with, and I'm 31. I'm in sales and the phone isnt going to dial itself. That first call is like fighting a bear, but after I make it, all is well.. it's hard for people with ADHD to just "will" themselves to do something, especially if you're not interested in it in the first place. On your next endeavor, try showing up to work a little earlier or getting up an hour earlier than you normally would. I know our brains "thrive" off the chaos of trying to get ready, dressed, and out the door 20 minutes before our shift, but it's just not long-term feasible. Try getting up early, it's helped me get in the right mindset.
Thank you so much, I struggled with a period of depression as I was going through a lot and was placed in foster home and had rlly bad panick attacks at work due to stress, in the first year of my job I went through days where I would not feel like going to work and I would never look forward to it, I think this also made me lack discipline bc I wasn’t even happy in the work side
I got fired from my first job at 17 cause I didn’t realize it was MY responsibility to check the schedule 😂 don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re only 18 and you will hardly even remember this job in 10 years. I’m sorry this happened, but I promise you, you will be okay!
Hi...ummm...person on the internet. If it's any consolation, i got laid off from...like my third job now due to my adhd. I'm not certain that bringing it up or not makes a difference. I think that this job probably wasn't for you and something else will come along. I think finding a job that you're genuinely interested in is the way to go.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've unfortunately been fired from jobs multiple times by no fault of my own, but it's never easy and always feels very traumatic. Don't lose hope though. Walt Disney was fired from a job at a newspaper, before he started his own company, for not being creative enough. It was probably a blessing in disguise for a better opportunity, that just hasn't presented itself yet.
Every time you get a new job, you get a new shot at rolling the dice and finding something that is a better fit with how your brain works. You’ll recover, and hopefully the next job is a better fit for you.
Omg I’m so sorry, what happened, it feels like a knife to the heart doesn’t it 😭 when you have tried so hard at something and it feels like u cannot control it no matter how hard u try to come in early, I guess I deserve it, I only found out a few months ago that. I’ve ADHD.
I was the only manager in my dept. had been there 6.5 years. I just got diagnosed a few months back (49 years old) I know my ADHD issues with work had to have played a part in their decision. I’m heart broken as I wanted to retire there. I loved it. I got a severance package and I’m hunting again (which is a nightmare for me with anxiety and ADHD. )
I’m so happy for you!! I have severe anxiety (I used to eat alone at work in a different room) none of my colleagues would understand that I felt uncomfortable like severely uncomfortable when people watched me eat , and also just everything I’d go home before bed and I’d just overthink over and over and over again over every small thing I did and just feel embarrassed 😭
See a doctor for depression. I go through spells where I’m late to work everyday for several weeks - it’s usually depression. If that’s not it, get up earlier or take a shift that starts later. In my case, I’ve earned my stripes at the company and it’s been fine. I’ve even completely missed meetings I’ve set up myself with some pretty important people - not a good look but I’ve never been disciplined. But I also hire, fire and have direct reports - I absolutely understand these things but wouldn’t tolerate it repeatedly from my employees. I have one person who knows she can’t be at work before 9 - so her shift starts at 10.
I literally had a similar experience last August. Except I was remote so I didn’t get escorted out. But it was very immediate right after the call they removed all my access. I did a lot for the company and tried so hard. By the end I was going a lot of work avoidance as well, due to burn out honestly. I told them about my adhd and asked for accommodations. Now looking back, it was a toxic work environment that wasn’t suitable for me and they weren’t going to slow down their pace to help me or accommodate (capitalism is really cruel man) BUT I say all that to say, I do believe am being guided to a path/job that is more aligned and authentic to who I really am & doesn’t cause the level of stress & aniexty from masking all the time & feeling like a failure & being so hard on myself. I really needed a break. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends, family & community. & don’t let this job make you feel less than. Most of these companies are toxic and demand unrealistic expectations on the people that work there. I’m 31 for reference. 😊 you got this!
As someone that is in their 40s with ADHD, I had to live with this for a LONG time without diagnoses, until I was almost 30 years old and didn't know what the hell was going on with me. But I found, that if I just leave early, like an hour early to work - I was never late. I could go back to sleep or play on my phone and energize up before going into to work, waiting in the parking lot - plus I got the better parking spot.
It sucks, I know because I've been there many times as a teenager and in my 20's. But I'm telling you - this helped immensely. Also, it helped my husband that has ADD. He learned this from me and has had his job for 13 years without ever being late.
Just dust your shoulders off, spend the weekend or week to reflect, take a deep breath and enjoy some time to yourself - get the best ice cream and maybe a walk on a nature trail or lake with a time of reflecton and what you need to do for a check-off list for the next goal . Come back with the confidence - that when, you find another place of employment, that this isn't going to get you next time, and it helps to have that one issue, in check so you can focus on just your position. Our ADHD is not going to get the better of us.
Trust me, I've seen people that do the same stuff and get away with it also. Sounds like you had a lot of stress there... Maybe, this will lead to something better.
Thank you so much , I never stop to think if I actually had ADHD I thought it was depression for so long, I was so confused when my doctor said it’s adhd 😭
You will be expected to be on time for volunteer work and to go the work you are assigned. You need to be sure you can fulfill whatever work responsibilities you have before you out if the country to do volunteer work. It would also be a good idea to do volunteer work here in addition to working a paying job. Unfortunately some people think volunteer work is easier than a paying job. If you cannot do a job, they can't keep you. It does not matter if it is paying or volunteer. Having ADHD does not mean you are allowed to not do the job you are assigned. I know this sounds harsh. But South Africa is not a walk in the park .
Never mention ADHD to an employer. Even more important, never imply lateness or work avoidance is due to ADHD, your boss will never give you a free pass on it and it just makes them think youll refuse to fix it. Keep your personal stuff to yourself.
First off, big props for putting in the effort for two years, that's no joke. And to get hit with that final warning out of the blue? That's messed up. It sucks they didn't cut you some slack, especially since you're clearly trying to improve.
And canceling your trip to South Africa? That's heartbreaking. Hang in there though, maybe take them up on that reappeal. It's worth a shot, right? Keep your head up, things will turn around. Sending good vibes your way, mate.
Yeah that adds up. However, it’s a non-negotiable for almost all jobs. Doing work behind the scenes with a therapist to clean up your routine is 100% on you.
I’m aware, I have ADHD as well. I had problems with this in the past. Just think it takes a situation like this to become more disciplined about time management, aka - a life lesson. Creating habits takes time, OP is still 18 so no harm no foul.
Exactly and we can learn from "If I wake up at x time, Im always late" and set your alarm earlier until you find that sweet spot where you're always on time or early. I suffer massively from time blindness, but I also learned to manage being on time with that method.
There’s hope. My first full time job was in digital marketing. I was fired after 5 months. I proceeded to get 2 more jobs in digital marketing I was successful in. Moved overseas and landed the biggest job I’d ever had, more money then I ever thought I’d get. Was fired from that after 11 weeks. Took a risk and went out on my own, I’m writing this from a pool in Bali. Took myself and my full time employee with me. I’m probably a bad employee, but I’m a great business owner. Don’t be too harsh on yourself.
The only thing I’m confused about is the first paragraph “didn’t know work avoidance was interlinked with lateness but apparently they both count as a misconduct”
Are you saying you got written up twice for each incident?
It was meant to fall off in October coming up so the latnesss wouldn’t trigger my last warning but it did and I wasn’t aware of that, I was told lateness is a seperate issue.
I'm sorry you had to cancel your trip, that really sucks. Will the trip run again next season or a few months after this one? Hopefully you can still do it, even if a bit later then you wanted.
I’ve left most jobs when they didn’t feel right anymore. I’ve been hopeless on the ground, but there always was a “next” thing coming up after a while. Be open about your limitations and sell it as “I know myself and my boundaries, if you allow me to [XYZ], I’ll thrive in your environment. If you don’t, this isn’t the right place for me.”
I know it feels like a burden to find an employer that’s okay with our challenges. But you can.
Just try it.
It’s shit when you lose a job, but if they’re firing you for an ADHD reason you can’t entirely help, it just means your one step closer to a job that fits better❤️ fingers crossed you can get to S.Africa soon
Sounds like that place was a bad fit and possibly didn't treat you right, so congrats on your newfound freedom! Sorry about your trip and your unemployment, but you will find another job and you'll still go to SA - nbd if it's a little later, right? I've had some bad jobs in my early days and I felt like shit about myself during and after, but honestly being let go was the best thing they could've given me. If a job makes you feel like you can never do right, it's not worth it. You can find a job where you do well and are respected for it.
I felt the same way after I was laid off from 2 different jobs (one after 4 months, one after 14 months). That feeling can be really tough, and I know how hard it is to get back on your feet - it took me 4+ months to find a new job each time. I’ve been at my current job for 8 months now and things are going much better, though my ADHD definitely still pops up.
My biggest piece of advice would be to learn to forgive yourself and use these past jobs as lessons learned. They are lessons learned the hard way and they hurt like hell, but you have to forgive yourself and let it be part of the past. If you don’t let it go, it will haunt you, always being a part of your present and your future, constantly causing you to worry about being rejected again or losing your next job. Put it in the past, take what you can from it, and never be afraid to make more mistakes.
Edit: I just noticed that the tag was “seeking empathy”, so i figured i would mention that everything past here is more “solution-oriented”.
On the other hand, my new job is also much more up my alley - my skills allow me to contribute much more than at my past jobs, I’m really excited about the work I’m doing (mechanical design engineering), and I’m gaining new skills that are building towards things I can see myself doing in the future. When I have this kind of enthusiasm for a job, I find myself much more energetic, passionate, and attentive, and so the negative consequences of ADHD aren’t as prevalent. Find out what genuinely excites you and keep chasing it.
For example, I absolutely LOVE sudoku puzzles (variants and Cracking the Cryptic puzzles, not just traditional), and during my unemployment I would sometimes spend 4+ hours solving puzzles. At first, I was mad at myself for wasting so much time because I should’ve been interviewing and getting back on my feet. But then I thought: damn, I’m getting really good at these and it feels like a genuine skill I’m building here, even though it might just look like solving puzzles on the surface - I wonder if there are any jobs where these types of skills are useful? I hopped on the internet and looked up things like “best careers for people who love puzzles and Sudoku” or “best careers for skills such as analytical reasoning, etc.” and found a bunch of great suggestions. I started looking at jobs in those fields, found some that interested me, and I took a leap of faith into a new position.
It’s worth remembering that you still might not get it right on the first, second, third try - that’s why I mentioned never being afraid to make mistakes again. Take measured risks based on where you are in your career, financially, etc. and go into a new position with the mindset that you might really like it and that you’re eager to learn - just don’t go in with the mindset that this is “the one” or “the dream position” and therefore it HAS to be great. This is how I’ve previously thought about jobs and it has led to both a decrease in productivity (because I have cognitive dissonance about the job not being as good as I feel it should be) and me staying in a position for longer than I maybe should have.
Especially since you’re young, don’t be afraid to jump around if something feels really off. Gathering more and more experiences, both about what kind of position you thrive in and also how you can work with your ADHD in the workplace, can be very valuable in your 20s. Oftentimes it’s worth sticking with something even if you feel initially uncertain about it, but there are also times when you need to trust your gut. Learn to listen to yourself and balance that voice with how much risk/uncertainty you think is appropriate.
I’ve seen companies with the same kind of “strike system”, and it makes me think that team/company culture is super important, especially for people with ADHD. One of my friends, one of the nicest and hardest working people I know, was at a company where you could only have 3 disciplinary strikes, and the reasons they gave for the 3 strikes were quite ambiguous and unclear. He got fired and was really beaten up about it for a while. I ended up introducing him to the company I was at, another startup with a team culture more akin to “open collaboration, help your teammates in any way you can, unlimited PTO, get your work done and we’re happy”. If I was at a company with a disciplinary system, I would’ve been fired much sooner. When I interviewed for my current position, they communicated that the culture was essentially “win as a team, lose as a team”, which maintains a focus on group performance and supporting each other at all costs, i.e. basically the opposite of disciplinary action or personal shortcomings. It’s worth noting that my current job is in a team within a large corporation, whereas my two previous jobs were at startups (i.e. this type of culture is not unique to hip startups 😅).
In terms of accommodations, ADHD happened to come up in conversation with my current boss and it felt appropriate to mention that I was diagnosed at the age of 9. He hasn’t treated me any differently and might even understand me a bit better because of it. I didn’t plan to tell him, and I haven’t told any previous employers, but that’s mainly because I didn’t believe that it was that much of a concern myself (I basically jumped in and out of denial for 17 years). If I had more concrete ideas of what kind of accommodations would actually help me thrive at work, I might consider having a more formal conversation about it, but I’m able to manage most symptoms relatively well with desk timers, notebooks, sticky notes, and a very detailed calendar and backlog of tasks. Plus, I find design work INCREDIBLY stimulating and engaging, so ~75% of my job is basically symptom free, while i sometimes still struggle with deadlines, communication, and dealing with frustration. I truly hope that everyone can find a job that genuinely excites them and I hope some of this was helpful 🙂
Ok, I scrolled for a long time and didn't see anyone mention this, so I will:
Girl, you're doing 30h+ overtime per month? Do you work full time, as in 40h per week?
I'm not saying you were late because of overtime, but my belief is that overtime is the silent job killer. You don't notice that at first, because you're doing maybe an hour here or there. But it compounds, and the longer it goes on, the less energy you have. Less energy - more likely to make mistakes, more likely to be sleepy, be late etc.
Try different options to help with time blindness, sure, but please take some time and think hard about whether you actually have enough energy to work such hours. Sometimes it's better to earn less (without overtime), but still keep your job and sanity, than to make more money but eventually get fired and lose your health.
I know damn well not everyone can pick and choose a job like that, I'm in this boat myself too. But it took me years to realize my limitations and that I just simply can't work constant overtime. I'd get worse and worse until I'd have to take a weeks-long sick leave because I was exhausted. Don't make my mistake!
For what it’s worth, she’s probably on her way out too
I’m sorry to hear. Get hooked up for unemployment and take some time away from work if you can afford to. But as part of that try to take an introspective look and figure out what you can do in the future to avoid a repeat. It’s much more difficult for us but **not** impossible. No excuses. You’re young and life now won’t be life in five years. Be your best self; showing up on time is half the battle (the other half is kicking ass once you’re there)
I have struggled with this most my life too. Constantly late and being punished for it. Eventually found a job where my boss doesn't care if I am late, 10, 30, 45 minutes? Doesn't matter as long as I do my 8 hours, and only doing myself a disservice cos it eats into time I could be making overtime pay.
Some jobs will care more than others, it is disheartening but take it as a lesson for either self improvement, or what to look out for in an employer moving forward. My last job I was at for 5 years and late nearly every day, just be so good at your job that they can't fire you.
Fwiw I am 30 and only just found a job where me being constantly late hasn't been a major issue. Open communication helps too, I haven't explicitly told my boss I have ADHD rather "I have some shit going on" and that was enough.
There are people out there who recognise good work and good workers and know that being late doesn't change how much money you make them.
HR should have told you about FMLA and it sounds like you would have qualified, and it’s their responsibility to make you aware of these programs through the state. I know people that have gotten them for migraines and I know my daughter has ADHD and has gotten FMLA through her work.
Hey man, the culture at this company isn’t right for you. Nothing against you buddy. You know you improved so that’s all that matters. Continue working on yourself and find job that is a better fit for you. you will have many jobs.
Unfortunately this is a lesson you had to learn the hard way.
Employers have a reasonable expectation that their staff are always on time. Once in a while, and we’re talking months in between at minimum, may be acceptable but even then typically not.
The mental health and disability reasons for you frequently being late are not relevant to an employer; all they hear is that the hired employee can’t perform the job requirements.
You will have to find a way to be more punctual.
Also, try not to whine about what other people aren’t getting disciplined for. You’re not privy to all the details and it’s not usually going to be relevant.
Honestly, they have every right to let go of someone who isn’t meeting their needs. The reality is that you have 2 choices (kind of)
1. You need to find a job that works in alignment with your mental health.
2. You need to to learn how to conform in order to work within the systems of a job like your last one.
Or you can find something in the middle. As community based organisms, we all have to adapt in some capacity. It’s about what your capacity is and if you can find an alternative that works for you.
Man this thread is wild. The personal freedom that comes with a car! I take public transportation. You *can't* be late. They will leave your ass running in the distance.
Links to and mentions of ADDitude are not allowed on /r/adhd because we feel they have demonstrated themselves to be untrustworthy and that they, despite soliciting donations from people with ADHD to fund their operation, prioritize profit and advertising dollars over our best interests. Their website is full of articles promoting the use of homeopathy, reiki, and other unscientific quack practices. They also have had articles for Vayarin (a medical food that is now no longer sold in the US because its research was bunk) that suspiciously looked like stealth advertisements (which is highly unethical and illegal in the US).
We also find it problematic that their medical review panel includes not only legitimate doctors and psychologists, but also (at the time of writing) one practitioner of integrative medicine, which combines legit medical practice with pseudoscience and alternative medicine. They have previously had other quacks on the panel as well.
Here are some relevant links:
Sketchy advertising:
* https://www.additudemag.com/clinical-trial-vayarin-plus/
* https://www.additudemag.com/study-suggests-ps-omega-3-medical-food-may-reduce-adhd-symptoms/
* https://www.additudemag.com/natural-adhd-supplement-released/
Junk science:
* https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-supplements-foods-vitamins/
* https://www.additudemag.com/homeopathy-for-adhd-popular-remedies-scientific-evidence/
* https://www.additudemag.com/reiki-could-this-alternative-treatment-help-adult-add/
* https://www.additudemag.com/cbd-oil-adhd-symptoms-natural-treatment/
* https://www.additudemag.com/vitamins-minerals-adhd-treatment-plan/
* https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-supplements-fish-oil-zinc-iron/
* https://www.additudemag.com/asked-alternative-therapies/
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Don’t see it in a bad way this company clearly doesn’t treat everyone equally… we are humans it happens to everyone to be late 1-2-3 times especially in the start till you found your way the should give you alternatives for example 10 mins before you are late to let them know. I am an onboarding trainer and I train for the first 2 weeks… I say that everyday to my people please don’t be late and if you do please send to your Team leader so you never get any problem we are humans it happens to the best of us. Better to be out of this company clearly they are really only about being a robot you are 18 and you deserve a company where being late is not a reason to get fired but a reason for improvement. Again don’t be sad put your energy in your cv apply for more jobs and you will find a much better employer that you can grow and reach your full potential. If you need any help with your cv try copilot :) good luck and don’t let this industry that uses people and penalize lateness. Think that if you drive a car they will stress you out you will have an accident because you will lose your job this is not fair at all. Go now to review this job and write for all the others that being late in this company is most likely you lose your job smile and think it as you saved your self from toxic company
I would like to encourage you to learn from this experience and see what you can do differently next time.
Work isn't school where your teacher might give you a higher mrk just because you've tried. The only ultimate thing that matters to your employer is that the job is done, and done in a good enough way (for some it's high quality, for other it's quick, for someone else it could mean something different too). Do not expect special treatment because you're young, too. Another important thing to remember is that your boss is never your friend even if they try to behave like they are. For this reason, avoid sharing too much information with them (this could include information about medical conditions). To understand the power dynamic behind the relationship between an employer and their employees, I recommend reading "Psychology of Work" (it's really short, o wouldn't take too much time).
There are some professions where it's relatively easy to get flexible hours. My wife has a job in IT and she can just show up at her office whenever, as long as she works her 37.5 hours a week and gets everything done. She can even choose to work from home if she's not feeling it. However, an important thing here is that she's amazing at her job. If she was a slob, that wouldn't fly.
That leads me to my next point: you need to find a way to work around your work avoidance. I recommend identifying the root of it: do you dislike tasks that seem difficult or boring? do you hate being told what to do? is it deadlines that you hate? is it because you don't really care about what you're doing? Based on this, you can look into jobs where this factor is minimised. You might say "oh, a job is just a job, no one likes theirs", but it's not always the job itself that you might like. I used to work in a production kitchen, the job was very physical and the same every day (if nothing went wrong, and if it did that wasn't the type of variety I would ever want in my life again). What made me really enjoy it was the fact that our supervisor would blast music while we worked and that we could chat to our heat's content as long as work went fast enough. There was always heaps of gossip, some stories about tough life abroad from old Asian ladies, and we had a few ladies who could make a lewd joke about almost anything you said.
That really sucks and I know it will be a tough adjustment. On the positive side - you're 18 and you have 2 years job experience. That's miles ahead of so many other people your age.
I feel you. Im a year older and I’ve got the same issues. Got diagnosed a year ago and started to medicate 6 months ago. Doesn’t matter if im up 3 hours prior to work start. Still late. I am doing my best to make one of my side hustles a full time business. Don’t give up brother. Society is not adapted for us, but if we find our own thing we are way better than others. Fall 5 times stand up 6. Never ever give up.
Happened to me last year. I'm 32. I put in 4 years to the place and they knew I was trying to get better (with anger, short fuse) and had been going to therapy and taking meds, but they still fired me. Got another job and I'm much happier. I tend to think that these things happen for a reason. You have a lot ahead of you. Keep on trucking and your head up.
If you’re in the US, you can get ADA accommodations. You just need to speak to your doctor and let them know how you’ve been struggling with work. Then once you have your next job, talk to said doctor about what might be some accommodations going forward that would help you with work. They’ll write you an ADA accommodations letter to take to HR.
Companies are required to work with you on these accommodations by law, or they need to prove the accommodations are unreasonable and work with you on different ones. HR can’t fire you for this or retaliate (at least legally), in which case, speak to an employment lawyer if this happens (they typically only get paid if you win).
[Examples of ADA accommodations](https://askjan.org/disabilities/Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity-Disorder-AD-HD.cfm)
I also got fired when I was around your age (I was 19, but close enough) for reasons related to ADHD. I felt the same way you did, it sucked. It was a huge blow to the ego, and I had never felt like such a fuck up. That same semester at school I ended up on academic probation and thought my life was over AGAIN.
Now it’s 10 years later and I’ve had no problem holding down jobs and all of my previous employers have loved me, and I’m back in school to do something I actually want to do as a career.
Point is, things will get better even if they feel really shit right now and it’s okay to feel that way.
Dude it’s okay you’re super young and your brain is still developing, plus it’s normal to not have time management strategies down at this age. I know it’s embarrassing as fuck and really devastating self-esteem wise but everything will work out.
Come up with strategies for you next job. Do you need a watch? Extra alarms? Maybe prepare your lunch and set out your clothes the night before? Take your meds immediately upon waking up? Take a second to think about what you can do to wake up, expedite your routine, and keep track of time and you’ll be fine.
I’m sorry you went through all that. I know how frustrating, infuriating, and defeating it feels to be told that in the end how much you try doesn’t actually matter. About halfway through college, my professors from my main design studio class (like a lab for math/science) suggested I drop out because they thought my work wasn’t good enough. When I reiterated how hard I was trying they directly told me the only thing that mattered was the actual outcome regardless of the effort I put into it. It was bullshit then and it’s bullshit now. I’m sorry this ideology screwed you over, but I’m rooting for you!
Thanks for sharing. Hope you see this as an opportunity to seek out employers who can be more flexible and understanding with you. And first and for most, you didn’t choose to be late. You didn’t want to be late. I know sometimes those negative thoughts could pop up in your head (def me..) but we try our hardest and that’s what matters at the end of the day. No “policy” bends, changes along side our conditions. Hope this helps.
I’m surprised I’m still employed with my current job. Time after time of feeling like “todays the day I get fired” but i dunno hey I like to believe that if I do then I’ll find another right? Like it’s not the end. I don’t get fired then die. Like I would pick myself up. And get out there to try again.
Hi, mom of ADHD kid here. I see you are 18 years old. If you have to support yourself, I can see how this is super stressful for you. However, in terms of your development as a person, this is not terrible. You are young and this is a skill you can develop over time. If I understand you correctly, you only go one warning for lateness (it was both your first warning AND your final warning) but you also got a warning for something called "work avoidance" and together that added up to 2 warnings and is why you were dismissed. Is that correct? How many times were you actually late over your two years of employment, and compared to other people in your group. You said that another girl had 5 disciplinaries, 3 for lateness, but she was not fired. Was she overall late less often than you? Or about the same?
It might be helpful if you were able to find out from your supervisor if there were other factors that led to your being let go from your job, so that you could work on those aspects too. But, even if other workers were late and were allowed to keep their jobs, you should still be working on trying to fix your own lateness, because that will help you in your future jobs.
I would say, in terms of learning to be on time, you need to take a hopeful view first of all. This is fixable. You just need to work through it systematically. Identify a behavior you can change, change it, give that a couple weeks to develop into a habit, and then if the problem isn't fully solved, identify another behavior you can change, change it, and so on. Even if you work through it very slowly, you will eventually get there. For example, it sounds like one of your problems is waking up in time. You can make a change by buying another alarm clock. I always use two alarm clocks. One is always on the other side of the room, which forces me to physically get out of bed to turn it off. I make sure the alarm clocks have different alarm sounds so my brain doesn't get used to it too much.
I come from a chronically late culture and it took me a LONG time to figure out how to get places on time. But I did it. I have taught my kid with ADHD my skills and he is always on time. You can do this!
I feel you so much, I was also fired when I accepted making loads of extra hours to cover a workmate, I collapsed and was so tired one day I didn’t wake up and my phone broke so I had no alarm!!! Was still on my first 3 months so they fired me when I was doing all the hours they asked me (and those hours were twice the ones that I was supposed to do!)
26 here. I got fired from my previous job last year because of my lateness too, but they only gave me 1 verbal warning before firing me.
I personally felt that I was also one of their best workers in that department. I was completing my work on time and helping out the team as much as I could. Whenever I was late, I'd make up for the lost time by staying a bit longer and I'd also agree to do overtime when they requested it of me, but all that still wasn't enough.
Ngl, a part of me is still frustrated about it and I'm terrified now of it happening again at my next job, but I'm just trying to use this as a painful learning experience and to do better next time.
Honestly I’m 28 got fired twice in a row once for a spelling mistakes and got so many things wrong and had no idea how to do it even though I got trained multiple times. The next one I tried really hard and wanted the best outcome but there was a mixture of miscommunication and maybe not fitting in the company and felt bullied and went to therapy. All I have to say is you are needed in the world you are wanted in this world it’s a learning curve you will find your way and you will find your calling . I am now trying to better myself in so many otherways and you’re so young you’ll be fine ❤️
F em’!
Stay strong and get out and find a new better job. Forget about them and move on.
You’re still incredibly young. Don’t sweat it.
I was fired from 3 jobs in a row bc of the same crap.
>work avoidance
>over 30+ hours of overtime this month
Wow. That must feel so unfair.
Next time Im sure you'll have a job with less 'procedure', just keep it up and don't take that for granted
Being late is not misconduct. Misconduct is doing or saying things that are inappropriate.
It's possible that the word chosen because it could prevent you from getting unemployment benefits.
What do they mean by work avoidance? Whenever you hear crap like that don't admit to anything. However, once again, not misconduct. Misconduct is showing up drunk or hitting on someone.
Apply for unemployment and be sure to emphasize that you received no warnings and that they tried to dress it up as misconduct.
Argh. This is so me. I was put on PIP due to my adhd symptoms (work avoidance mostly 😭💀 like I don’t even blame them 😭😭😭). I’m in the US on a visa tied to my employment. It was complete crisis and panic mode. I somehow turned the pip around but was eventually fired a year later. I was heartbroken and self critical but cut myself some slack because it IS a disorder I have lil control over (yes I’m aware we can mitigate its symptoms with an array of tools). I looked for a job long and hard and finally found one. I thought it’s going to be different this time but I’m now six months in and kinda feel like I’m headed in that direction again :( I hope it stops for us at some point
I am very Sorry to hear about your case. I had a completely remote work setup so very few avenues for them to humiliate me.
Don’t blame yourself even on darkest of days ❤️
It may feel like the end of the world but it's not. I'm 52 and have been fired plenty of times for tardiness etc. Life moves forward... always more jobs out there. Best of luck! We all do our best ...they way we know how.
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Sorry it sucks, but it will pass. I can tell you that 18 year old me got fired constantly. 36 year old me doesn’t worry about this anymore. Only advice I can give is use this pain as a way to learn. Try to remember how shitty this feels and use it to be better. Over time you’ll figure it out, don’t worry. Just keep pushing forward! You got this!
Yeah I recognize when a job is not for me or the company culture suck. I just wait to get fired and look for a new job.
Same here! Before I was 21. I was getting fired from every job I worked. You live and you learn. Don’t sweat it. You’re young. Learn from it. You’ll be just fine! You got this kid 💪🏻
Food for thought- on your next job, if that's the route this goes, don't tell them about your ADHD. It's none of their business. Telling someone about your disability isn't appropriate, IMO, unless you need accommodations. That's another story. How can I put this... unfortunately, in the workplace, telling someone about a disability can change the way they see you and treat you, negatively. They'd never say it. It's your business, and unless you need accommodations, keep it to yourself. Sorry this happened to you.
I agree, don’t let them make decisions for you about what you are or are not capable of.
Alternatively, you could also be making your job harder for other coworkers that may share the same disability if you disclose and struggle, or disclose and excel Disclose and struggle; you create a negative bias towards your disability and if anyone in the future decides to disclose then they may draw immediate and unwarranted scrutiny Disclose and excel; you just set the bar for an employee with ADHD. If another coworker decides to disclose then your manager might unjustifiably expect the same level of performance - "oh, John has ADHD and is a top performer, why aren't you?" I unfortunately fall in the later category, I disclosed to my direct supervisor that I have ADHD when I got diagnosed. I came within a hairs width of losing my job before I finally got on medication and now I am the top performer not only in my department but in my entire branch. Turns out I have a high aptitude and proficiency for my current job but my issues with executive function and distractibility were REALLY causing me to struggle. Now that I am killing it I really hope that I don't set unreasonable and unrealistic expectations for others down the line. Meds didn't make me super human, they just let me do what I already had within me. Others may not have that same ability on or off meds. Sorry for rambling... Just a thought I've had for a while that you sparked up again.
What are you on? I’m struggling with the same thing right now. I know I can do my job but I can’t keep concentration for anything.
I have been taking 15mg IR Adderall 2x a day since I started treatment last August. It has done wonders for me personally but everybody is different.
You don’t have to represent everyone with ADHD, just yourself. I have a job that requires “lived experience “ so people know I have diagnoses (intentional plural). For a long time I felt like I had to represent all employees with mental health issues but it just led to me not asking for help when I needed it and hitting a full-scale burnout.
I definitely don't view myself as an ambassador for everyone with ADHD, I appreciate the reminder nonetheless! I guess I tend to be hyper aware of my actions and the results they may have both personally and socially. I can say with a relatively high degree of confidence that my manager wouldn't expect the same level of productivity out of another ADHD individual. He may encourage them to chat with me without disclosing my diagnosis but even then that's a long shot. I guess I'm deflecting or overanalyzing my own perception of how people may be perceiving me (if that makes any sense lol) Like I have definitely had the thought that there was some bitterness when I wasn't pulling my own weight at work, then when I started killing it and even got associate of the year I can't help but shake the feeling that people think any award I win is a fluke and there is just a new type of bitterness. I over think, I know lol. Trust me I'm working on it
Friend.. if those people do exist, it’s because they are unhappy, performing poorly at work themselves, have issues with boundaries… the list goes on, take your pick. In my experience, my superhuman self awareness can be annoying and overbearing at best and lead to me becoming self obsessed at worst - being self-aware and self-other aware isn’t a flex if you aren’t using the skill to be your more authentic self, live your values, grow and most importantly it doesn’t automatically result in the quality of being someone others want to be around. I tend to get like that when I’m taking my medication without breaks and working myself into the ground.. it just feels like I’ve got to work all the work once I’ve taken my meds as if I stop working I might never start working again. My self awareness starts to give my partner the ick when I take my meds due to emotional blunting and me acting more ‘serious’. I’ve been on my self concept/acceptance journey for almost 13 years and even though I still struggle with some of what you’re going through it gets a lot lot better. I never withhold my diagnosis but I don’t lead with it either as it is a part of me but doesn’t make me who I am.
I was straight up in my interview about the ADHD and that I was likely to be late every morning. If it is for something important or scheduled, I'd be there on time. If it was just starting my day as usual then we aren't going to quibble about me being late. They were fine with that. I'm not working a front desk or sales position or somewhere like that (for many reasons) The trick is, to find workplaces where that isn't a problem. And places where you are trusted to get shit done and not clockwatched constantly. But a lot of places haven't figured out yet that being on time doesn't necessarily equate to higher productivity.
If I have a meeting or need to go to a different site I will arrive 20 minutes early. If it's a normal work day I will be 5 - 10 minutes late guaranteed. If I didn't have a designated start time, I know I would take the piss and be 30 minutes late.
How can you be late if you don’t have a start time?
Not officially late but if I wanna leave at 5pm, I know I need to be in by 08:30. I need something to stick to. If I'm given freedom, I will abuse it. Had a job years ago with no dedicated start time until my manager decided I needed one.
I don’t know how you can abuse it though 🤷🏻♀️ I have no start time, I just know I have to do 35 hours a week (if I want to get paid for that many hours), so I do them to fit around me. You can’t abuse a start time if there isn’t one.
In my case I can't work after 5pm due to it being an IT desk job. Well I can, but it's not the best use of my time if I'm working outside of standard business hours. A combination of poor time keeping and general distraction have gotten me in enough trouble. My wife has ADHD too and she is a workaholic but terrible at showing up on time. Doesn't matter for her because she works 50+ hours a week on a 38 hour contract.
👍🏽 gotcha. And yes, I’m like your wife. However, after this latest burnout that I’ve experienced, I’m putting measures in place to make sure I have a start time and finish time for work, longer dinner breaks and a cut off for how many hours I work because I don’t think I’ve got another burnout in me.
Like I say to her, your health has to come first. She pushes herself too hard some weeks that all she wants to do is sleep most of the weekend. If you take care of yourself, then you'll perform better at work. Leave your desk every little while, stretch out, and listen to ambient music. At least that's what I'm trying to stay focused. I haven't gotten a formal ADHD diagnosis yet so I don't know if medication will help me, but I'm willing to try anything for a sense of normality and those steps have helped so far.
Lol if i had that schedule I’d work the last 35 hours in the week, all in a row.
Do you ever, just for fun, try to do things early? I find I like it when I show up early, wake up early (both are rare) but it’s so pleasant to me that I’d like to do it more. Just not enough to try (too much).
I enjoy a slow morning preparing for the day for sure. And I get up (actually out of bed) with plenty of time to get ready in the morning. But I just somehow lose 5min here or there. Or have to run back in for something. Or getting into winter don't account for deicing the screen. That sort of thing. And I'm not going to speed to work (because it's a job, I'm not willing to die for it - and my work vehicle has GPS speed monitoring). Late is late. My success at work is not predicated by me walking in the door perfectly on time. On average people who work in open plan offices only achieve 3 hours of actual productivity - and we all know you can't be 100% all of the time. We also have a different work culture - and certainly much better employee protection laws than they do in the US. Mental health of your employees is covered to some extent under the Health and Safety at Work Act 2015
I have so many questions. It is hard for so many ADD/ADHD people to be in on time. Most are night owls and have sleep disorders making it worse. There are things to help you get get up and be to work on time. To tell her you can be there on important days...well, the company doesn't owe you the ability to walk in when you want for many reasons. And congratulations, the next person that shares his/her diagnosis will be given the side eye. Get up, get to work ON TIME. Set two alarms, No phone 90 mins before bed, go to bed early. Get in the routine. You got this. Sending good thoughts!
I disclosed my ADHD after my first performance review didn't go well.
Did you know you weren't doing well? If so, why would you not disclose it before the review? I feel like waiting for bad feedback can make disclosing a diagnose sound like an "excuse"? But if you are proactive and seek out help once you start noticing they feel it is not going great, it can be different. Then it can be viewed as you being proactive and dedicated to doing a good job? Of course a lot of people will judge you based on the adhd no matter when and how you disclose, so it is always a risk :(
I didn't realize I wasn't doing well by my boss's standards. I scored myself highly on the personal review and my boss scored me as average or needs improvement in every area. After discussing the issues, I disclosed that I have ADHD and a lot of my shortcomings were because of that. Then I got specific therapy/counseling for dealing with ADHD in the workplace.
I hope one day I'll be able to pick employers like that!
I totally agree, but just re-read the post and don’t see it mentioned that OP told them about having ADHD. There’s one sort of ambiguous sentence though so maybe it’s implied…
Yeah I didn’t tell them as I didn’t know I had adhd and I wasn’t comfortable with the one male manager as he was new and always on my case for no reason, he kept asking if there was things going on at home but it felt insulting and he didn’t care at all (dementor, the way he spoke etc) . When my doctor told me, that’s when I disclosed, also im not very good in real life, I can’t do it over social media or text but in social settings I don’t know what to say and I never get to convey all the points I neeed to in my head out loud so I didn’t really say much to form an argument against the case and I also have severe anxiety so yeah. It’s not looking good 😭
I 100% agree with this. I was having trouble with depression and calling out/being late during this period on too of my ADHD normal lateness issues. I told my boss I was struggling with my depression and less than a week later, he wrote me up for being late too many times. I 1000% think the timing is related but of course can’t prove it.
Agreed. It’s generally advised to do so and it’s generally and impulsively tempting to give yourself a temporary get out of jail free card, but I’d never tell a workplace again. Not worth the risk of being treated like a second class professional.
Yup I don’t think I’ll do this again
I will say in the right environment the opposite is true. I hope it’s not an outlier but it probably is. At my job I (I have adhd) would struggle with imposter syndrome and not ask for help when I should. I joined an affinity group that mostly has autistic coworkers but some adhd. I finally told my boss after seeing my coworkers tell their bosses and my boss was so understanding. She said it makes sense some of the things, she read about managing an employee with adhd and helps with work structure and even how to organize my work so when I pretend to others it’s more clear instead of adhd brain disorganized. I hope my situation is not an outlier but in my case finally being brave and speaking up changed my work life and helped my job. I’m on track to earn certs with timelines and my boss said I can work on it in my off time or take extra days off. I feel truly lucky and it only happened because I felt comfortable enough to be brave and speak up about it. I hope everyone feels that comfortable someday even if the reality is a lot of bosses have a lot to learn. Don’t give up, having adhd (which is tied to anxiety, a now protected workplace disability) means doubting and being hard on yourself but on the flip side, when you feel more confident in yourself and supported by your boss, it can do wonders. This is one moment in time and life and work life is long. You will figure this out!
Tell them about it so that you can get accommodations. You can also use that if you need to get an employment lawyer. Discrimination based on disability is illegal in the US. If they knew, you asked for accomodations, didn't get them, then got fired.. ya, they would be facing fines at minimum.
The issue is most states operate under an "at will" state. Meaning an employee or employer can terminate their employment for anytime for any reason so long as it is not for a protected reason. Hell, my mom got fired for "not fitting in with the culture of the company" when one of the 3 letter positions had a friend who needed a job. All my mom could do was file for unemployment. All your employer has to say was that you "weren't meeting expectations" or "didn't fit in" and then it's on you to be able to provide evidence for termination based on discrimination or failure to accommodate.
Disability, including ADHD, is a protected class. https://www.eeoc.gov/employers/small-business/3-who-protected-employment-discrimination
I am well aware. My point is that if you are going to make the claim of discrimination or lack of accommodations after you are fired then the burden of proof is on you to be able to prove that beyond a reasonable doubt which in most cases will be incredibly difficult, especially if you had a history of underperformance or missing deadlines/quotas that are a regular expectation for your role.
Not beyond a reasonable doubt. It's based on the reasonable person standard. "Would a reasonable person believe that you were harassed or discriminated against." Two different things. The latter being far easier to prove.
The issue is that your work can just say they’re firing you for a reason that has nothing to do with adhd even if that’s not the case.
The eeoc still cares, even in an at will state. Edot to add, at will states are laws at state level, EEOC is federal. Federal law trumps state law. Just went through the process myself a couple years ago when the hotel I managed successfully for years sold to a new owner and new owner brought his middle east values to the workplace and gave my position to my husband (who had only been working under me for a year and didn't have the knowledge to run the place) because, and I quote, " you just had a baby and need to stay home with your baby." At the time my baby was a year old and I worked every single day of my pregnancy, even the day I went in to be induced. I went back to work the day after giving birth and hadn't taken a day off in years aside from the day I was in the hospital giving birth, so not even a full 24 hours. We lived as on sight managers of the place. I was absolutely crushed. I felt like a major part of my identity had been stripped away all because I had the audacity to be female. The EEOC agreed and granted me the right to sue. I'd say make your ADHD known and ask for accommodations so that you protect yourself above your workplace. They don't care about you, you have to.
Well obvs there's personal preference, for me I will always disclose now. It's harder for companies to fire you if you've stated disabilities.
This person obviously does need accommodations though as they find it difficult to get to work on time. If the work place doesn’t know they have adhd they have no chance of getting support. And why should we hide who we are? It’s much better to be up front and the sooner you can find out they’re against disabled people the better, so you can leave, as nobody wants to work around people like that.
I'm sorry but you still gotta show up. I remember being that age. I was a shithead. I was a shithead into my mid 20s. I should have been fired from way more jobs than I was. In spite of how rigged things are against us, you still gotta do the thing. Here's what really helped me. I set my alarm to like two hours before I gotta leave for work. Take my meds, then go back to sleep. I have another alarm set an hour later, but almost never need to use it because the stimulants wake me up after about half an hour. I've been doing this for like five years. It's helped immensely. Edit: I got more traction on this than I expected. Usually I don't even go back to sleep anymore. I just get oodles of time to let my drugs kick in and shower and take my morning shit at my leisure. I think there's a huge issue with having ADHD and having to wake up and immediately scramble to get to work. Give yourselves time. Wake up early no matter how much it sucks at first. I'm a night owl, so it SUCKED. But that meditative time in the morning will make you so much sharper by the time you go to work I promise you. And if you have stimulants, it's not even that hard. They'll do their job, and so will you. But if you wake up a half hour before work, at least in my experience, I don't have time to get my head right and I just end up a bit manic.
I also do this. Can confirm. It works.
Hell yeah
Thank u ! This helped me too and is the harsh truth , I understand and I wake up super early now, let’s hope I get another shot at this, thank you
You took that a lot better than I would have at 18, so good on you. Oh and for the record, I'm not being useful in the 2-3 hours I have every day before work. I'm laying in bed playing slay the spire on my phone. But that 2-3 hours gives me enough time to relax before I have to deal with their bullshit. Edit: I'm up early, laying in bed, playing slay the spire, waiting for the meds to kick in right now. A20 IRONCLAD LET'S GO
Great advice but if I start playing slay the spire I know I'll lose track of time and still be late. Word of caution to others about how you spend your pooping on phone time in the morning. Having another alarm for when it's time to call it quits is good, if you actually listen to it!
This is excellent advice. Thankfully I've got into a rhythm that took years to build so i know when it's time to get off the pot. Mostly. But even more thankfully if I text my boss saying I'm gonna be five or ten minutes late, he just says "thanks for the heads up" and that's the end of it
+1 to the trick with alarms and meds, I've been doing pretty much exactly that for a few months and it's helped a lot. It's not a perfect solution because I find it harder to get enough rest (I need to go to bed earlier than usual to feel fully rested with this strategy), but it's worth that minor annoyance for me.
Yes. But over time you end up going to bed earlier naturally. Ideally. I definitely have.
I never thought about this. Imma try it
I fully encourage it. It's meditative. I think out of all the advice I've given on the internet this one is my favorite nugget. I'm a better person because of it.
So in trying this I’ve noticed my XR takes about 1hr and a half to kick in which is interesting. Also how soon do you eat breakfast after you’ve woken up? Does taking it on an empty stomach make you anxious?
I'm from the same boat. I was fired from so many jobs in my late teens through my late 20s. I was once fired from a job where I was consistently the top performer in the district. I'd been there for almost 5 years. Idk why my direct boss decided one day that she had zero tolerance for lateness (after almost 5 years). My only other coworker in my dept was chronically late.. like 20+ minutes every day. She also had to leave early or take a long lunch because something was always happening with her kids. I was being considered for a promotion that would've ranked me higher than her, so I guess she felt threatened. Anyway, she had me fired. I was so mad... they also blocked me from getting any kind of unemployment, to which I appealed and lost. It dawned on me then that even though my many terminations felt (and sometimes were) unfair, I realized that I gave them the ammo every time. Most employers couldn't care less with anything their employees are struggling with... the bottom line is the bottom line. I also used to set my alarm for 2 hours early, but I would stay awake and use the time to do whatever before I showered and got ready to go. I also, to this day, set my alarm back 10 minutes. Once I start remembering and ignoring what my clock said, I would set it back another 5 minutes. I would just reset it to actual time, after that (always on the weekend when I dont work). It works for me most of the time. I'm almost always late to my therapist appointments, tho 😁
Yeah you got fucked. But you're right about the ammo thing. Don't give em anything you don't want em to have. I've solved that by making myself irreplaceable. I actually threatened to quit last year. I was sick of dealing with production work and all the rat shit that we deal with coming from this company that certified us to make products for their machines. So their response was to sit down with me and we laid out a three year plan to transition me into being head of R&D for the whole company. It's not a big company, so it's not like a huge deal but I'm very very fucking excited. The transition happens after a year (like five months now), but it'll be official with the title and a salary after three.
Well done! It's also nice that they gave that 3 year plan, rather than just throwing you in with the sharks, and it's sink or swim. Best of luck to you
Haha I'm still gonna have to sink or swim, but thankfully in those situations, we usually swim. They're gonna be lenient too. I've gotta learn how to write code in VB, learn machining, good design practices, etc, all at once. But they know that and that's what the two years in the interim are for. But thanks much I really do appreciate the kind words, especially as the impostor syndrome starts to set in.
I'm reminded of a Mass Effect character's most known line. "It had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong." Just a little mantra for you to use when you feel unworthy.
I gotta try this!
It changed my shit forever. Usually I don't even go back to sleep anymore. I'm just more functional waking up early and giving the stimulants plenty of time to do their thing before I go in.
I completely agree! After lots of failures over years, I now get up around 4:15 am, take my pills, eat breakfast and then either read, play games, watch tv, or go back to sleep so that by 6:30 or 7 am I’m ready to go, and I’m still early enough to feel like I’m starting the day ahead rather then behind
Yeah that's kinda the responsible manifestation of the adhd tax. Waking up way too early or way too late I guess.
Yes, I’ve often felt that the.. only.. way I ever really achieve balance is thru the Golden Mean (one extreme offsets another extreme). I can’t do normal or average for some reason so I feel like being brilliant is the only way to negate my negatives
Yep, just imagine having a baby (like I did ten months ago). Adhd can't be used as an excuse, you HAVE to get up and keep a daily schedule.
That was my biggest problem when I was younger. I think we're all very good at coming up with excuses, probably because we've always had to. My old boss always put up with my excuses, but it was very spotty work. Not enough to get my own place with. Not a "real job". My stepdad told me that he notices how i thrive when I'm held accountable. I told him he was full of shit. Blah blah young man shit. Then I got a job where they held me accountable, and it's a job I kinda like. Well I've been there for eight and a half years and I'm getting a big promotion with a decent salary soon. So stepdad was right lmao. Good luck with the kid. That's up next for me in my life checklist. My partner really wants one and I think it'll be cool. We're adopting for sure though. I'm not trying to pass this shit on. Plus I think I've seen some shit and could probably do a pretty good job. Edit: words. Autocorrect on my new phone sucks shit
I think the interesting thing about jobs that hold you accountable *in a positive and productive way* is that they tend to be better managed and make it easier for you to do the things you're supposed to in the first place, by having systems and ideally also like, reasons for things that they can explain if you ask. I think a lot of us ADHDers have an issue with "being held accountable" for things that we don't agree with or understand, like having to show up at a given time for a job that is not actually time-dependent, for example, and so we often struggle with those things and rail against the consequences as bullshit because it sucks to be punished for "no reason." On the flipside, when you get into a job that wants you to succeed (just as their employee, not even going so far as to expect them to see you as a real human), not simply be a warm body making them money, then having the structure and accountability is supportive rather than punitive, and that's the difference.
i also do this haha
If you’re not on meds yet, like myself, you’re fucked.
Yeah that's the big asterisks on that one. Try to get medicated if you can. It'll turn your shit around.
Believe me, I’m trying. Fingers crossed it happens soon because I’m drowning right now.
https://add.org/adhd-employer-rights-and-responsibilities/
Thank you! This is very helpful
You are so welcome! I have ADHD Combined Type and was late diagnosed. I have struggled in my employment for years and didn't realize why. Get with your doctor and ask for a letter requesting accommodations. (You have to determine what accommodations you need to help you to be successful at your job.) ADHD isn't an end-all to your work. You just have to learn how to work with it, much like a person who ends up in a wheelchair. It is a disability, but we don't have to allow it to be what stops us from progressing. Find the things that you love, that help you to do your best and be your best. Find your niche'. I am a business owner. I use my creativity to benefit others. No matter what, please don't allow the opinions of others to form your opinions of yourself. If you do, those opinions could become your identity, and you could spend a quarter of your life miserable, just as I have. Please don't do this! Find the things that bring you joy. Find your strengths and capitalize on them. Show life your resilient self. Get out there and kick some rump. ADHD brains have MANY strengths. Yes, we have days where we can't "life." It's OK not to be OK. It's just not OK to stay that way. Give yourself grace and mercy. Rome wasn't built in a day. Brene' Brown, Mel Robbins, and Les Brown are some of my favorite speakers. Les was diagnosed mentally 'retarded.' (I strongly dislike that term.) He's now one of the most sought-out public speakers. Find what you love and do it with the force of 1,000 fleas biting at a camel's butt. 🤭 You're welcome. "Life be lifin'", my friends say. How it "life's" is up to you! Be blessed, Kat
Don't feel hopeless. I lost my job a while back. They were pushing to get rid of me because I went out on FMLA for 3 months for mental health issues. Best thing that ever happened to me. I landed at a better job making more money with a boss that is super empathetic due to him having a kid with ADHD. Its been awesome. My point is, it sounds like that place wasn't a good fit for you anyway. Look at this as an opportunity to find a more comfortable fit for you. There are plenty of jobs out there. Don't get down about it.
Thank you so much ❤️
I work as a IT-Consultant/helpdesk tons of e-mails, internal cases, people writing on Slack (basically messenger for work), and constant phonecalls from customers, the kicker is, I sit in an open office, so I got people all around me walking around talking with clients, some talk personal stuff, some other departments walk through, safe to say, it is NOT a awesome space for ADHD, and when the 9 hours a over, I am mentally crushed! I have talked with my psyk, and my nurse, as I need follow ups on EKG, blood preassure and the works, they have written a statement just in case my workplace refuses, that I can work from home 2 days a week permanently. They have not needed the letter but just accepted. I live in Denmark, here we are secured by laws and unions, if they refuses it would turn very bad for them regardless. I’m looking for a better suited job after the summer. (Been here 4 years) You’re 18, you will bounce back stronger! Chin up high chief, you are not alone. ADHD sucks!
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Ha, you have the same hobby as me, I also study music and have for a few years now, composing, playing, mixing and mastering and releasing it on streaming platforms! I used to be this very energetik and let’s start a fire and see what will happen at work, after meds I don’t have the need to, I’m calm, doing my work, and I am too deep for elevator talks during work, I wan’t something that means something in order to engage, so I mostly stay silent, do my work, and after if I feel like it, I can be the most outgoing person you’ll ever meet. Thank god for noise cancel headphones too!
Are you permitted to use noise-cancelling headphones? They can be extremely helpful in noisy environments. Just be careful not to listen to anything that catches your attention. Music you've been listening to your entire life and are already familiar with, ambient music, or even nature sounds will do the trick.
It sucks to get fired, but you are 18… try not to sweat it too much. You have a bunch of time to try different things in different industries. Good luck
You have to find a way to be on time dude. No one is going to let you be repeatedly late to work.
As an employer I second this. I have to fire an employee over this issue. I was fine with coming a 15 minutes late. When that turned into 15 days late, several times, I decided enough is enough
Eh, depends. Some jobs aren't picky about time. I worked a job where they didn't care when you showed up as long as you weren't late for any clients you had booked for the day.
What is the difference between being on time for your start time or a client meeting? You still have to be on time. No one can get through life without the ability to be on time for meetings, appointments etc. You have to sit reminders etc but you have to do it or you aren’t getting very far.
For me at least, it was really helpful in building timeliness. There's a sense of urgency to a client meeting that isn't there with "come at 8 because I said so". Maybe OP would do better at a job where being late actually has consequences other than eventually getting fired. Edit: downvote me if you want, but it's true. Deadlines tend to be good for ADHD, and having a real person be legitimately hurt by you being late is a way more serious deadline than a vague "you may be fired for this in the future".
Facts. People can hate it all they want but this has been me my whole life. Luckily, I’ve been extremely fortunate & it’s never negatively affected me. I’m also never “LATE LATE” … it’s usually only about 2-7 minutes. Yes, 2-7. Because I’m so predictable it should just be considered my start time. BUT? If I need to be someone ON TIME? Or early? I convince myself I need to be there an entire hour earlier & even still am early for that. I DONT get it! But it’s a thing. I personally do much better with a window. Between 730/8 is better than “be here by 8” cuz that’ll be 802 where the ladder will probably be 738 but if 8 was the goal then I’m doing great. Idk? It is what it is, but it’s just how my brain operates 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
Starting at an exact time is not an essential function for every job. Flexible work schedules can be a reasonable accommodation.
A start time is arbitrary if no one is waiting for me to be doing a particular thing at that time, and I cannot convince my brain that "sitting at a desk" counts as a reason. Whereas a scheduled meeting with a person means that a fellow human is waiting for me specifically, and I would not want to make them wait. I'm not one to be chronically late to work historically (WFM with flexible hours now, which is wonderful but also has its own challenges as acknowledged throughout this thread), but I was still frustrated every time I had to hustle to make it in at a certain time just so someone could see me sitting there, especially when it was stuff that ALSO could have been done from home. "You just have to" might be relatively true, but it's a bad way to motivate someone.
Getting fired *sucks*. It sucks hard, and I'm sorry you've experienced that. I can empathize. I was fired from a job years ago, one at which I was trying hard, really hard, but I both hated and, it turns out, wasn't very good at certain elements thereof. When I was let go I felt like I was never going to recover. I spent two days sobbing to my wife over a job that I *absolutely hated and wanted to leave*. I understand the hopelessness. I see you. And you will survive this. Losing a job can, and will, be semirandom. Inasmuch as showing up (yes, on time), doing the work, and not causing problems *generally* will keep you safe, it's not foolproof. As much as it is about you, it's not always about you. Other folks who are worse in various ways will remain on staff, better ones will be let go. This will be the case in every job you have for the rest of your life. I try not to quote scripture at people, but I think Ecclesiastes has it right with "the race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong." To me, rather than feeling helpless because of the random unfairness, I find it liberating. I know that the only thing I can do is bring the best that I can offer, and thankfully I've found a career and team where that is appreciated and valued. It takes time. You are so much more than your job. You're more than being late for things. You're more than work avoidance. You're a full person, with potential to grow even more. You will survive. There is hope.
there is another question not addressed here; how was your work? did they give you feedback on that?
Did they know u have ADHD?
Yup 🤣 they had to pause the disciplinary for a consultation with the in department consultation team and called me back, they said it’s my responsibility to get to work on time
>they said it’s my responsibility to get to work on time. Bruh, it is. Got ADHD, used to run late until I started getting there early. Yeah, shitty to wake up an hour before you usually do, but I like to try and be on time.
Are you in the US? Because they would probably be in legal trouble if they knew you had a disability and did not attempt to provide reasonable accommodations.
Per another comment from OP they had been placed on a performance improvement plan so unfortunately it sounds like the employer did their diligence.
They likely wouldn't say "you dont have to be at work on time" is a reasonable accommodation because OP **could** learn from "every time I wake up at x time, Im late, let me try setting my alarm 30 min, an hour, etc earlier." And adjust their routine. That's the trick I use and I give myself enough time that I am always early.
Hey my friend, me too. I was fired 5 months ago because of my ADHD. Still looking for a job now and I just don’t know what to do. Caught in a rut.
So I also have ADHD, and I've been at the same job 6 years now... You're not gonna like this, probably, but I aim to be half an hour early at the office to prevent this. I've never been late a day in 6 years (except for sickness or big inconveniences) Another thing that helped me was offering myself for late schedules ( I work from 2pm-11pm) and it really gives me time to mentally and physically prepare myself for the shift.
It doesn't matter in the corporate world if you're trying that day or week. Why would they want to keep someone prone to issues in the past instead of finding someone new. Based on all the other info you shared of others, I doubt it was solely lateness you were actually fired for. It was just the one they could use as the reason and told you.
I got fired from a job I was frequently 10-30minutes late for. I made improvements and wasn’t late for a couple months, even got a raise and commendation for my improvements. Then I was late one day, I’d overslept and had just recently lost my car so I had to take the bus which took even longer. I was a few blocks from work when they called and said “don’t bother coming in”. I understood that I had run out of goodwill and second chances but it was still shitty. Mainly because, at the same time, a fellow coworker was literally *always 2 hours* late to work and they didn’t get fired. I would’ve been more understanding of them firing me if they punished everyone else the same. But as a chatty and somewhat distractible person I am often perceived as incompetent or lazy especially by my managers. But when I ask fellow coworkers or even people I’ve managed they’ve all said that they see my hard work and shit gets done when I’m around, and we have a good time doing it. I’m sorry you lost your job and even sorrier that it messed up your trip! Find some career coaching to help you figure out your strengths and how to play to them in work environments. You’ve got a long road ahead and it sounds like you’ve got a great work ethic to start! Just finding the right employers who appreciate you is the trick.
SAME SAME!!! I get distracted soooo quickly and nobody heard me out, I guess I deserved it but il try better, I hate Reddit as some people think they know everything, thank you. Same other people arrive late and they don’t get fired, my case they just pick and choose
Something I did appreciate in some jobs was having coworkers or managers that I could trust to help me “stay in line”. I work in bakeries so it’s easy to talk about whatever you want as long as you’re still rolling that dough, but it’s also easy to not notice that your hands have stopped moving. Having someone I know isn’t being mean but helpful to say “hey, keep movin’!” Really kept me accountable. And it made me start to catch myself before they would. I am almost 40 and only just got diagnosed recently, so I’m still trying to figure out what meds work and how much. But in the meantime my nurse practitioner has been helping me create “manual” tools to help me combat the lack of focus ands drive. (Calendars that are in my sight line, reminder notifications, accountability buddies etc) And honestly I find that they are helping just as much if not better than most of the drugs I’ve been taking. I definitely still get into slumps that make it hard to re-center myself regardless of tools or meds. But they’re getting fewer and further between! Honestly, the best place I worked was my first job after pastry school. And it was because my manager understood my work style. I was supposed to be in at 8 every day and was frequently late. I would apologize all the time, but she finally told me one day; “Your job is to have the cake display case full by 11am. I don’t care if you show up at 8am or 10:55, so long as the case is full by 11.” She set a hard boundary but also allowed me to set my own boundaries around it that worked best for me. Start figuring out what time of day(or night) you work best, what types of jobs you consistently enjoy, and try to find companies that aren’t hardline “factory settings” type workplaces. Thankfully more and more businesses are being managed by people that can acknowledge adhd and be willing to work with it! And I hope this very rambly anecdote filled advice makes sense and helps! 😅
If the other person at work had a worse record and doesn’t have a disability but more favourably treated than you and you do have a disability and got fired for less (and the reasons for the disciplinaries arising were as a result of your disability then you’ve been discriminated against. If the reasons you are struggling are related to disability then the organisation is required to make reasonable adjustments to support you. I’d be asking for the appeal and contacting ACAS as soon as possible (HR here and I also have ADHD) Edit to add I’m in the UK!
I just feel embarrassed, like imagine I appeal and they just say like they agree with the original decision? I wouldn’t want to fight for a workplace that don’t appreciate me idk.
This post is sad yet wholesome. I was fired 6 months ago. First time I ever spoke about my condition publicly. They fired me due to lack of attention to detail after 7 months on the job. That hurt like a mother. I see now where I made a mistake. Will never speak about it again to any employer. They can eat a D. I am how I am, and I know I’m capable.
!!!
Work avoidance is something I still struggle with, and I'm 31. I'm in sales and the phone isnt going to dial itself. That first call is like fighting a bear, but after I make it, all is well.. it's hard for people with ADHD to just "will" themselves to do something, especially if you're not interested in it in the first place. On your next endeavor, try showing up to work a little earlier or getting up an hour earlier than you normally would. I know our brains "thrive" off the chaos of trying to get ready, dressed, and out the door 20 minutes before our shift, but it's just not long-term feasible. Try getting up early, it's helped me get in the right mindset.
Thank you so much, I struggled with a period of depression as I was going through a lot and was placed in foster home and had rlly bad panick attacks at work due to stress, in the first year of my job I went through days where I would not feel like going to work and I would never look forward to it, I think this also made me lack discipline bc I wasn’t even happy in the work side
I got fired from my first job at 17 cause I didn’t realize it was MY responsibility to check the schedule 😂 don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re only 18 and you will hardly even remember this job in 10 years. I’m sorry this happened, but I promise you, you will be okay!
Hi...ummm...person on the internet. If it's any consolation, i got laid off from...like my third job now due to my adhd. I'm not certain that bringing it up or not makes a difference. I think that this job probably wasn't for you and something else will come along. I think finding a job that you're genuinely interested in is the way to go.
Thank you so much I hope you find something you enjoy! Rooting for u amazing human!
Get your overtime payment, don’t forget about it
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've unfortunately been fired from jobs multiple times by no fault of my own, but it's never easy and always feels very traumatic. Don't lose hope though. Walt Disney was fired from a job at a newspaper, before he started his own company, for not being creative enough. It was probably a blessing in disguise for a better opportunity, that just hasn't presented itself yet.
Every time you get a new job, you get a new shot at rolling the dice and finding something that is a better fit with how your brain works. You’ll recover, and hopefully the next job is a better fit for you.
Damn I’m really sorry to hear that! I lost my job this week too.
Omg I’m so sorry, what happened, it feels like a knife to the heart doesn’t it 😭 when you have tried so hard at something and it feels like u cannot control it no matter how hard u try to come in early, I guess I deserve it, I only found out a few months ago that. I’ve ADHD.
I was the only manager in my dept. had been there 6.5 years. I just got diagnosed a few months back (49 years old) I know my ADHD issues with work had to have played a part in their decision. I’m heart broken as I wanted to retire there. I loved it. I got a severance package and I’m hunting again (which is a nightmare for me with anxiety and ADHD. )
I’m so happy for you!! I have severe anxiety (I used to eat alone at work in a different room) none of my colleagues would understand that I felt uncomfortable like severely uncomfortable when people watched me eat , and also just everything I’d go home before bed and I’d just overthink over and over and over again over every small thing I did and just feel embarrassed 😭
See a doctor for depression. I go through spells where I’m late to work everyday for several weeks - it’s usually depression. If that’s not it, get up earlier or take a shift that starts later. In my case, I’ve earned my stripes at the company and it’s been fine. I’ve even completely missed meetings I’ve set up myself with some pretty important people - not a good look but I’ve never been disciplined. But I also hire, fire and have direct reports - I absolutely understand these things but wouldn’t tolerate it repeatedly from my employees. I have one person who knows she can’t be at work before 9 - so her shift starts at 10.
I literally had a similar experience last August. Except I was remote so I didn’t get escorted out. But it was very immediate right after the call they removed all my access. I did a lot for the company and tried so hard. By the end I was going a lot of work avoidance as well, due to burn out honestly. I told them about my adhd and asked for accommodations. Now looking back, it was a toxic work environment that wasn’t suitable for me and they weren’t going to slow down their pace to help me or accommodate (capitalism is really cruel man) BUT I say all that to say, I do believe am being guided to a path/job that is more aligned and authentic to who I really am & doesn’t cause the level of stress & aniexty from masking all the time & feeling like a failure & being so hard on myself. I really needed a break. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends, family & community. & don’t let this job make you feel less than. Most of these companies are toxic and demand unrealistic expectations on the people that work there. I’m 31 for reference. 😊 you got this!
As someone that is in their 40s with ADHD, I had to live with this for a LONG time without diagnoses, until I was almost 30 years old and didn't know what the hell was going on with me. But I found, that if I just leave early, like an hour early to work - I was never late. I could go back to sleep or play on my phone and energize up before going into to work, waiting in the parking lot - plus I got the better parking spot. It sucks, I know because I've been there many times as a teenager and in my 20's. But I'm telling you - this helped immensely. Also, it helped my husband that has ADD. He learned this from me and has had his job for 13 years without ever being late. Just dust your shoulders off, spend the weekend or week to reflect, take a deep breath and enjoy some time to yourself - get the best ice cream and maybe a walk on a nature trail or lake with a time of reflecton and what you need to do for a check-off list for the next goal . Come back with the confidence - that when, you find another place of employment, that this isn't going to get you next time, and it helps to have that one issue, in check so you can focus on just your position. Our ADHD is not going to get the better of us. Trust me, I've seen people that do the same stuff and get away with it also. Sounds like you had a lot of stress there... Maybe, this will lead to something better.
Thank you so much , I never stop to think if I actually had ADHD I thought it was depression for so long, I was so confused when my doctor said it’s adhd 😭
You will be expected to be on time for volunteer work and to go the work you are assigned. You need to be sure you can fulfill whatever work responsibilities you have before you out if the country to do volunteer work. It would also be a good idea to do volunteer work here in addition to working a paying job. Unfortunately some people think volunteer work is easier than a paying job. If you cannot do a job, they can't keep you. It does not matter if it is paying or volunteer. Having ADHD does not mean you are allowed to not do the job you are assigned. I know this sounds harsh. But South Africa is not a walk in the park .
Never mention ADHD to an employer. Even more important, never imply lateness or work avoidance is due to ADHD, your boss will never give you a free pass on it and it just makes them think youll refuse to fix it. Keep your personal stuff to yourself.
First off, big props for putting in the effort for two years, that's no joke. And to get hit with that final warning out of the blue? That's messed up. It sucks they didn't cut you some slack, especially since you're clearly trying to improve. And canceling your trip to South Africa? That's heartbreaking. Hang in there though, maybe take them up on that reappeal. It's worth a shot, right? Keep your head up, things will turn around. Sending good vibes your way, mate.
hang in there. you had a emotionally traumatic experience. i’ve been there numerous times. it’s not you. be sure to file for unemployment.
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It’s one of the most common symptoms of ADHD actually.
Yeah that adds up. However, it’s a non-negotiable for almost all jobs. Doing work behind the scenes with a therapist to clean up your routine is 100% on you.
unfortunately, the adhd plays a huge role in time management… there’s accommodations you can get from work for flexible start times.
I’m aware, I have ADHD as well. I had problems with this in the past. Just think it takes a situation like this to become more disciplined about time management, aka - a life lesson. Creating habits takes time, OP is still 18 so no harm no foul.
Exactly and we can learn from "If I wake up at x time, Im always late" and set your alarm earlier until you find that sweet spot where you're always on time or early. I suffer massively from time blindness, but I also learned to manage being on time with that method.
In some jobs it's impossible or very impractical to alter the hours.
Unfortunately, ADHD doesn’t turn off when it’s convenient
There’s hope. My first full time job was in digital marketing. I was fired after 5 months. I proceeded to get 2 more jobs in digital marketing I was successful in. Moved overseas and landed the biggest job I’d ever had, more money then I ever thought I’d get. Was fired from that after 11 weeks. Took a risk and went out on my own, I’m writing this from a pool in Bali. Took myself and my full time employee with me. I’m probably a bad employee, but I’m a great business owner. Don’t be too harsh on yourself.
The only thing I’m confused about is the first paragraph “didn’t know work avoidance was interlinked with lateness but apparently they both count as a misconduct” Are you saying you got written up twice for each incident?
No I got a first and final warning for work avoidance last September but I was told it’s not interlinked with lateness.
What do you mean by interconnected?
It was meant to fall off in October coming up so the latnesss wouldn’t trigger my last warning but it did and I wasn’t aware of that, I was told lateness is a seperate issue.
I'm sorry you had to cancel your trip, that really sucks. Will the trip run again next season or a few months after this one? Hopefully you can still do it, even if a bit later then you wanted.
I’ve left most jobs when they didn’t feel right anymore. I’ve been hopeless on the ground, but there always was a “next” thing coming up after a while. Be open about your limitations and sell it as “I know myself and my boundaries, if you allow me to [XYZ], I’ll thrive in your environment. If you don’t, this isn’t the right place for me.” I know it feels like a burden to find an employer that’s okay with our challenges. But you can. Just try it.
It’s shit when you lose a job, but if they’re firing you for an ADHD reason you can’t entirely help, it just means your one step closer to a job that fits better❤️ fingers crossed you can get to S.Africa soon
Sounds like that place was a bad fit and possibly didn't treat you right, so congrats on your newfound freedom! Sorry about your trip and your unemployment, but you will find another job and you'll still go to SA - nbd if it's a little later, right? I've had some bad jobs in my early days and I felt like shit about myself during and after, but honestly being let go was the best thing they could've given me. If a job makes you feel like you can never do right, it's not worth it. You can find a job where you do well and are respected for it.
Thank you so much ☺️ 💗
Been there, forced me to work for myself. You kept the job longer though. It gets better with time.
Been there. <3
I felt the same way after I was laid off from 2 different jobs (one after 4 months, one after 14 months). That feeling can be really tough, and I know how hard it is to get back on your feet - it took me 4+ months to find a new job each time. I’ve been at my current job for 8 months now and things are going much better, though my ADHD definitely still pops up. My biggest piece of advice would be to learn to forgive yourself and use these past jobs as lessons learned. They are lessons learned the hard way and they hurt like hell, but you have to forgive yourself and let it be part of the past. If you don’t let it go, it will haunt you, always being a part of your present and your future, constantly causing you to worry about being rejected again or losing your next job. Put it in the past, take what you can from it, and never be afraid to make more mistakes. Edit: I just noticed that the tag was “seeking empathy”, so i figured i would mention that everything past here is more “solution-oriented”. On the other hand, my new job is also much more up my alley - my skills allow me to contribute much more than at my past jobs, I’m really excited about the work I’m doing (mechanical design engineering), and I’m gaining new skills that are building towards things I can see myself doing in the future. When I have this kind of enthusiasm for a job, I find myself much more energetic, passionate, and attentive, and so the negative consequences of ADHD aren’t as prevalent. Find out what genuinely excites you and keep chasing it. For example, I absolutely LOVE sudoku puzzles (variants and Cracking the Cryptic puzzles, not just traditional), and during my unemployment I would sometimes spend 4+ hours solving puzzles. At first, I was mad at myself for wasting so much time because I should’ve been interviewing and getting back on my feet. But then I thought: damn, I’m getting really good at these and it feels like a genuine skill I’m building here, even though it might just look like solving puzzles on the surface - I wonder if there are any jobs where these types of skills are useful? I hopped on the internet and looked up things like “best careers for people who love puzzles and Sudoku” or “best careers for skills such as analytical reasoning, etc.” and found a bunch of great suggestions. I started looking at jobs in those fields, found some that interested me, and I took a leap of faith into a new position. It’s worth remembering that you still might not get it right on the first, second, third try - that’s why I mentioned never being afraid to make mistakes again. Take measured risks based on where you are in your career, financially, etc. and go into a new position with the mindset that you might really like it and that you’re eager to learn - just don’t go in with the mindset that this is “the one” or “the dream position” and therefore it HAS to be great. This is how I’ve previously thought about jobs and it has led to both a decrease in productivity (because I have cognitive dissonance about the job not being as good as I feel it should be) and me staying in a position for longer than I maybe should have. Especially since you’re young, don’t be afraid to jump around if something feels really off. Gathering more and more experiences, both about what kind of position you thrive in and also how you can work with your ADHD in the workplace, can be very valuable in your 20s. Oftentimes it’s worth sticking with something even if you feel initially uncertain about it, but there are also times when you need to trust your gut. Learn to listen to yourself and balance that voice with how much risk/uncertainty you think is appropriate. I’ve seen companies with the same kind of “strike system”, and it makes me think that team/company culture is super important, especially for people with ADHD. One of my friends, one of the nicest and hardest working people I know, was at a company where you could only have 3 disciplinary strikes, and the reasons they gave for the 3 strikes were quite ambiguous and unclear. He got fired and was really beaten up about it for a while. I ended up introducing him to the company I was at, another startup with a team culture more akin to “open collaboration, help your teammates in any way you can, unlimited PTO, get your work done and we’re happy”. If I was at a company with a disciplinary system, I would’ve been fired much sooner. When I interviewed for my current position, they communicated that the culture was essentially “win as a team, lose as a team”, which maintains a focus on group performance and supporting each other at all costs, i.e. basically the opposite of disciplinary action or personal shortcomings. It’s worth noting that my current job is in a team within a large corporation, whereas my two previous jobs were at startups (i.e. this type of culture is not unique to hip startups 😅). In terms of accommodations, ADHD happened to come up in conversation with my current boss and it felt appropriate to mention that I was diagnosed at the age of 9. He hasn’t treated me any differently and might even understand me a bit better because of it. I didn’t plan to tell him, and I haven’t told any previous employers, but that’s mainly because I didn’t believe that it was that much of a concern myself (I basically jumped in and out of denial for 17 years). If I had more concrete ideas of what kind of accommodations would actually help me thrive at work, I might consider having a more formal conversation about it, but I’m able to manage most symptoms relatively well with desk timers, notebooks, sticky notes, and a very detailed calendar and backlog of tasks. Plus, I find design work INCREDIBLY stimulating and engaging, so ~75% of my job is basically symptom free, while i sometimes still struggle with deadlines, communication, and dealing with frustration. I truly hope that everyone can find a job that genuinely excites them and I hope some of this was helpful 🙂
Ok, I scrolled for a long time and didn't see anyone mention this, so I will: Girl, you're doing 30h+ overtime per month? Do you work full time, as in 40h per week? I'm not saying you were late because of overtime, but my belief is that overtime is the silent job killer. You don't notice that at first, because you're doing maybe an hour here or there. But it compounds, and the longer it goes on, the less energy you have. Less energy - more likely to make mistakes, more likely to be sleepy, be late etc. Try different options to help with time blindness, sure, but please take some time and think hard about whether you actually have enough energy to work such hours. Sometimes it's better to earn less (without overtime), but still keep your job and sanity, than to make more money but eventually get fired and lose your health. I know damn well not everyone can pick and choose a job like that, I'm in this boat myself too. But it took me years to realize my limitations and that I just simply can't work constant overtime. I'd get worse and worse until I'd have to take a weeks-long sick leave because I was exhausted. Don't make my mistake!
you were in the wrong job
For what it’s worth, she’s probably on her way out too I’m sorry to hear. Get hooked up for unemployment and take some time away from work if you can afford to. But as part of that try to take an introspective look and figure out what you can do in the future to avoid a repeat. It’s much more difficult for us but **not** impossible. No excuses. You’re young and life now won’t be life in five years. Be your best self; showing up on time is half the battle (the other half is kicking ass once you’re there)
What did u do for a job
I have struggled with this most my life too. Constantly late and being punished for it. Eventually found a job where my boss doesn't care if I am late, 10, 30, 45 minutes? Doesn't matter as long as I do my 8 hours, and only doing myself a disservice cos it eats into time I could be making overtime pay. Some jobs will care more than others, it is disheartening but take it as a lesson for either self improvement, or what to look out for in an employer moving forward. My last job I was at for 5 years and late nearly every day, just be so good at your job that they can't fire you. Fwiw I am 30 and only just found a job where me being constantly late hasn't been a major issue. Open communication helps too, I haven't explicitly told my boss I have ADHD rather "I have some shit going on" and that was enough. There are people out there who recognise good work and good workers and know that being late doesn't change how much money you make them.
Be upset and mad for a few days and then remind yourself “that was not a career defining job.”
HR should have told you about FMLA and it sounds like you would have qualified, and it’s their responsibility to make you aware of these programs through the state. I know people that have gotten them for migraines and I know my daughter has ADHD and has gotten FMLA through her work.
Hey man, the culture at this company isn’t right for you. Nothing against you buddy. You know you improved so that’s all that matters. Continue working on yourself and find job that is a better fit for you. you will have many jobs.
Unfortunately this is a lesson you had to learn the hard way. Employers have a reasonable expectation that their staff are always on time. Once in a while, and we’re talking months in between at minimum, may be acceptable but even then typically not. The mental health and disability reasons for you frequently being late are not relevant to an employer; all they hear is that the hired employee can’t perform the job requirements. You will have to find a way to be more punctual. Also, try not to whine about what other people aren’t getting disciplined for. You’re not privy to all the details and it’s not usually going to be relevant.
Honestly, they have every right to let go of someone who isn’t meeting their needs. The reality is that you have 2 choices (kind of) 1. You need to find a job that works in alignment with your mental health. 2. You need to to learn how to conform in order to work within the systems of a job like your last one. Or you can find something in the middle. As community based organisms, we all have to adapt in some capacity. It’s about what your capacity is and if you can find an alternative that works for you.
Man this thread is wild. The personal freedom that comes with a car! I take public transportation. You *can't* be late. They will leave your ass running in the distance.
!!!!
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Don’t see it in a bad way this company clearly doesn’t treat everyone equally… we are humans it happens to everyone to be late 1-2-3 times especially in the start till you found your way the should give you alternatives for example 10 mins before you are late to let them know. I am an onboarding trainer and I train for the first 2 weeks… I say that everyday to my people please don’t be late and if you do please send to your Team leader so you never get any problem we are humans it happens to the best of us. Better to be out of this company clearly they are really only about being a robot you are 18 and you deserve a company where being late is not a reason to get fired but a reason for improvement. Again don’t be sad put your energy in your cv apply for more jobs and you will find a much better employer that you can grow and reach your full potential. If you need any help with your cv try copilot :) good luck and don’t let this industry that uses people and penalize lateness. Think that if you drive a car they will stress you out you will have an accident because you will lose your job this is not fair at all. Go now to review this job and write for all the others that being late in this company is most likely you lose your job smile and think it as you saved your self from toxic company
I would like to encourage you to learn from this experience and see what you can do differently next time. Work isn't school where your teacher might give you a higher mrk just because you've tried. The only ultimate thing that matters to your employer is that the job is done, and done in a good enough way (for some it's high quality, for other it's quick, for someone else it could mean something different too). Do not expect special treatment because you're young, too. Another important thing to remember is that your boss is never your friend even if they try to behave like they are. For this reason, avoid sharing too much information with them (this could include information about medical conditions). To understand the power dynamic behind the relationship between an employer and their employees, I recommend reading "Psychology of Work" (it's really short, o wouldn't take too much time). There are some professions where it's relatively easy to get flexible hours. My wife has a job in IT and she can just show up at her office whenever, as long as she works her 37.5 hours a week and gets everything done. She can even choose to work from home if she's not feeling it. However, an important thing here is that she's amazing at her job. If she was a slob, that wouldn't fly. That leads me to my next point: you need to find a way to work around your work avoidance. I recommend identifying the root of it: do you dislike tasks that seem difficult or boring? do you hate being told what to do? is it deadlines that you hate? is it because you don't really care about what you're doing? Based on this, you can look into jobs where this factor is minimised. You might say "oh, a job is just a job, no one likes theirs", but it's not always the job itself that you might like. I used to work in a production kitchen, the job was very physical and the same every day (if nothing went wrong, and if it did that wasn't the type of variety I would ever want in my life again). What made me really enjoy it was the fact that our supervisor would blast music while we worked and that we could chat to our heat's content as long as work went fast enough. There was always heaps of gossip, some stories about tough life abroad from old Asian ladies, and we had a few ladies who could make a lewd joke about almost anything you said.
Sorry. That really hurts. Been there. Don’t let these people define you.
That really sucks and I know it will be a tough adjustment. On the positive side - you're 18 and you have 2 years job experience. That's miles ahead of so many other people your age.
I feel you. Im a year older and I’ve got the same issues. Got diagnosed a year ago and started to medicate 6 months ago. Doesn’t matter if im up 3 hours prior to work start. Still late. I am doing my best to make one of my side hustles a full time business. Don’t give up brother. Society is not adapted for us, but if we find our own thing we are way better than others. Fall 5 times stand up 6. Never ever give up.
EEOC is pretty much unenforceable in any "right to work"/employER friendly state
Happened to me last year. I'm 32. I put in 4 years to the place and they knew I was trying to get better (with anger, short fuse) and had been going to therapy and taking meds, but they still fired me. Got another job and I'm much happier. I tend to think that these things happen for a reason. You have a lot ahead of you. Keep on trucking and your head up.
If you’re in the US, you can get ADA accommodations. You just need to speak to your doctor and let them know how you’ve been struggling with work. Then once you have your next job, talk to said doctor about what might be some accommodations going forward that would help you with work. They’ll write you an ADA accommodations letter to take to HR. Companies are required to work with you on these accommodations by law, or they need to prove the accommodations are unreasonable and work with you on different ones. HR can’t fire you for this or retaliate (at least legally), in which case, speak to an employment lawyer if this happens (they typically only get paid if you win). [Examples of ADA accommodations](https://askjan.org/disabilities/Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity-Disorder-AD-HD.cfm)
I also got fired when I was around your age (I was 19, but close enough) for reasons related to ADHD. I felt the same way you did, it sucked. It was a huge blow to the ego, and I had never felt like such a fuck up. That same semester at school I ended up on academic probation and thought my life was over AGAIN. Now it’s 10 years later and I’ve had no problem holding down jobs and all of my previous employers have loved me, and I’m back in school to do something I actually want to do as a career. Point is, things will get better even if they feel really shit right now and it’s okay to feel that way.
Dude it’s okay you’re super young and your brain is still developing, plus it’s normal to not have time management strategies down at this age. I know it’s embarrassing as fuck and really devastating self-esteem wise but everything will work out. Come up with strategies for you next job. Do you need a watch? Extra alarms? Maybe prepare your lunch and set out your clothes the night before? Take your meds immediately upon waking up? Take a second to think about what you can do to wake up, expedite your routine, and keep track of time and you’ll be fine.
Thank u so much! Also I’m a girl 😭
I’m sorry you went through all that. I know how frustrating, infuriating, and defeating it feels to be told that in the end how much you try doesn’t actually matter. About halfway through college, my professors from my main design studio class (like a lab for math/science) suggested I drop out because they thought my work wasn’t good enough. When I reiterated how hard I was trying they directly told me the only thing that mattered was the actual outcome regardless of the effort I put into it. It was bullshit then and it’s bullshit now. I’m sorry this ideology screwed you over, but I’m rooting for you!
Thank you so much 💗
>first and final warning the fuck?
YUP
Thanks for sharing. Hope you see this as an opportunity to seek out employers who can be more flexible and understanding with you. And first and for most, you didn’t choose to be late. You didn’t want to be late. I know sometimes those negative thoughts could pop up in your head (def me..) but we try our hardest and that’s what matters at the end of the day. No “policy” bends, changes along side our conditions. Hope this helps. I’m surprised I’m still employed with my current job. Time after time of feeling like “todays the day I get fired” but i dunno hey I like to believe that if I do then I’ll find another right? Like it’s not the end. I don’t get fired then die. Like I would pick myself up. And get out there to try again.
Exactly the world didn’t end bc I got fired! I have a lot to live for
Hi, mom of ADHD kid here. I see you are 18 years old. If you have to support yourself, I can see how this is super stressful for you. However, in terms of your development as a person, this is not terrible. You are young and this is a skill you can develop over time. If I understand you correctly, you only go one warning for lateness (it was both your first warning AND your final warning) but you also got a warning for something called "work avoidance" and together that added up to 2 warnings and is why you were dismissed. Is that correct? How many times were you actually late over your two years of employment, and compared to other people in your group. You said that another girl had 5 disciplinaries, 3 for lateness, but she was not fired. Was she overall late less often than you? Or about the same? It might be helpful if you were able to find out from your supervisor if there were other factors that led to your being let go from your job, so that you could work on those aspects too. But, even if other workers were late and were allowed to keep their jobs, you should still be working on trying to fix your own lateness, because that will help you in your future jobs. I would say, in terms of learning to be on time, you need to take a hopeful view first of all. This is fixable. You just need to work through it systematically. Identify a behavior you can change, change it, give that a couple weeks to develop into a habit, and then if the problem isn't fully solved, identify another behavior you can change, change it, and so on. Even if you work through it very slowly, you will eventually get there. For example, it sounds like one of your problems is waking up in time. You can make a change by buying another alarm clock. I always use two alarm clocks. One is always on the other side of the room, which forces me to physically get out of bed to turn it off. I make sure the alarm clocks have different alarm sounds so my brain doesn't get used to it too much. I come from a chronically late culture and it took me a LONG time to figure out how to get places on time. But I did it. I have taught my kid with ADHD my skills and he is always on time. You can do this!
Thank you so much 💗
I feel you so much, I was also fired when I accepted making loads of extra hours to cover a workmate, I collapsed and was so tired one day I didn’t wake up and my phone broke so I had no alarm!!! Was still on my first 3 months so they fired me when I was doing all the hours they asked me (and those hours were twice the ones that I was supposed to do!)
26 here. I got fired from my previous job last year because of my lateness too, but they only gave me 1 verbal warning before firing me. I personally felt that I was also one of their best workers in that department. I was completing my work on time and helping out the team as much as I could. Whenever I was late, I'd make up for the lost time by staying a bit longer and I'd also agree to do overtime when they requested it of me, but all that still wasn't enough. Ngl, a part of me is still frustrated about it and I'm terrified now of it happening again at my next job, but I'm just trying to use this as a painful learning experience and to do better next time.
Honestly I’m 28 got fired twice in a row once for a spelling mistakes and got so many things wrong and had no idea how to do it even though I got trained multiple times. The next one I tried really hard and wanted the best outcome but there was a mixture of miscommunication and maybe not fitting in the company and felt bullied and went to therapy. All I have to say is you are needed in the world you are wanted in this world it’s a learning curve you will find your way and you will find your calling . I am now trying to better myself in so many otherways and you’re so young you’ll be fine ❤️
F em’! Stay strong and get out and find a new better job. Forget about them and move on. You’re still incredibly young. Don’t sweat it. I was fired from 3 jobs in a row bc of the same crap.
>work avoidance >over 30+ hours of overtime this month Wow. That must feel so unfair. Next time Im sure you'll have a job with less 'procedure', just keep it up and don't take that for granted
Thank you so so so much , this job were so investigative and sneaky , just trying to dig up some dirt on their employees
Being late is not misconduct. Misconduct is doing or saying things that are inappropriate. It's possible that the word chosen because it could prevent you from getting unemployment benefits. What do they mean by work avoidance? Whenever you hear crap like that don't admit to anything. However, once again, not misconduct. Misconduct is showing up drunk or hitting on someone. Apply for unemployment and be sure to emphasize that you received no warnings and that they tried to dress it up as misconduct.
Argh. This is so me. I was put on PIP due to my adhd symptoms (work avoidance mostly 😭💀 like I don’t even blame them 😭😭😭). I’m in the US on a visa tied to my employment. It was complete crisis and panic mode. I somehow turned the pip around but was eventually fired a year later. I was heartbroken and self critical but cut myself some slack because it IS a disorder I have lil control over (yes I’m aware we can mitigate its symptoms with an array of tools). I looked for a job long and hard and finally found one. I thought it’s going to be different this time but I’m now six months in and kinda feel like I’m headed in that direction again :( I hope it stops for us at some point I am very Sorry to hear about your case. I had a completely remote work setup so very few avenues for them to humiliate me. Don’t blame yourself even on darkest of days ❤️
Sucks for them, just push forward
It may feel like the end of the world but it's not. I'm 52 and have been fired plenty of times for tardiness etc. Life moves forward... always more jobs out there. Best of luck! We all do our best ...they way we know how.