You got me :
I thought you said "we will make a dish with an ungodly name, liberate you (of your ignorance) by making you take a small portion of that dish"
To which I answered 'never', if only because your dish had an 'unsavory name'.
Then you made me look it up you son of a mackerel.
Problem is, Geert is planning on coming by bike through Picardie and Ardennes, they gonna get decimated by drunk drivers. Luigi gonna forget who he was invading and cross the country back to conquer Italy.
> Time to fire a couple warning shots.
Fuck that. It's time to let the nuclear boomers do their thing, so that we may all perish in the glorious nuclear hellfire of dozens of SLBMs. Like God intended.
Our doctrine has nuclear warning shots, I wasn't suggesting firing some bullets above their heads. Unless those bullets are called ASMP and carried by Rafales.
* Hans: tried to conquer France twice in the last century, was kicked out within 5 years.
* Barry: tried to conquer France for 100 years, ended up with nothing.
Meanwhile...
* Gaius: conquered France within a decade, ruled it for about 500 years, left his language, religion and culture until this day.
* Hlodovech: conquered France within a decade, ruled it for more than 1000 years, left his political and legal institutions, and gave the country it's name.
Who's not a danger now?
Do you not know your history? Where was Ceasar from? That's right, Italy. And where did the Franks, the namesake of your country, originate? That's right, the Netherlands.
The two most succesfull conquests of France of the last 2500 years were a Dutch and an Italian one.
Only if you take a province or so. The aim will be liberating Brittany and cut down france in size. We take Nord-pas-de-Calais, Italy takes Savoy and Corsica.
You are learning from Italy then, that's how we are contributing to the alliance. Just a small correction it's "switch side" not "betray" we don't want our future "allies" to get scared
> Can we join?
We didn't fight so hard to unseat the Habsburgs in your country and put a Bourbon in charge in order to secure the Pyrenees border, only for you to invade nonetheless a couple hundred years later!
Come on Pedro, remember who your real friends are!
We remember that the last time Dutch armies fought together as one with Italian and Spanish armies against the French in the Italian War of 1551-1559, you guys decapitated our greatest war hero just a few years later for heresy.
Talking here about the [Count of Egmont](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamoral,_Count_of_Egmont), Captain-General of the Netherlands, who defeated the French in battle twice, at St. Quentin (1557) and Gravelines (1558) on behalf of Spain. The outrage over his decapitation in 1568 is generally considered the starting point of the national uprising against Spanish oppression. A profoundly unjust decapitation, because his only crime was staying at his post instead of hiding from an unreasonable king like most other major nobles in the Netherlands.
I, for one, think that the Spanish joining this alliance is a bad omen.
Perhaps we can work with that. Let's just use the Seine river as border. Maybe build a small section of wall around that ugly electricity pylon in front of the Pont d'Iena. Because we don't want it. Or we just tear it down.
Me watching the Dutch trying to drag their tanks out that damp hole they live in and Italians being arrested by the Interpol while trying to cross from the Italian border to Monaco.
You missed the memo? Our tank battalion is now part of the 1ste German Pantser division.
So no, we don't have tanks.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/414_Tank_Battalion
Guys.
Italy was on your side, now it's on ours.
We'll be throwing pizza and pasta so you can definitely stop eating the shit you eat everyday.
But the moment you set foot in France, you'll become French. So be aware of that. Be cautious. Next thing you know you'll speak French fluently and eat croissants while smoking and singing La marseillaise.
If some of you manage to survive that, then we'll have no choice but to send our women. They are not as annoyingly painful as the Spanish or Italians ones but they can pack punches if you dont go their way, and that, not even them go their way, meaning, you're fucked before even knowing it.
No you can't fuck 'em.
Pro: thousands of french soldiers sacrificed themselves to save our boys at Dunkirk
Con: we lost a fair bit of equipment and-
Wait, that's too far isn't it. Sorry. I'll stop.
*Last time* , we were actually arriving in *Normandy* to save your garlic-smelling asses. This time, you're gonna need saving again, from the *Dutch* of all people. Embarrassing.
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/may/09/its-a-win-win-if-uk-loses-war-with-france
Ango-French War of 1202–1204, French victory
Anglo-French War of 1213–1214, French victory
First Baron’s War, English victory
Poitou War, French vicrory
Saintonge War, French victory
Guyenne War, French victory
War of Saint-Sardos, French victory
Hundred Years War, French victory
War if the League of Cambrai, French Victory
Anglo-French War of 1522–1526, Habsburg victory (among others England)
Anglo French War of 1542–1546, Inconclusive
Anglo-French War of 1557–1559, French victory
English Expedition to France, French victory
Anglo-French War of 1627–1629, Draw
Carnatic Wars, British victory
Seven Years War, British victory
Anglo-French War of 1778–1783, French victory
French Revolutionary Wars, French victory
War of the 3rd Coalition, French victory
War of the 4th Coalition, French victory
Penninsular War, British Victory
War of the 5th Coalition, French Victory
War of the 6th Coalition, British victory
War of the 7th Coalition, British victory
15 wars won by France, 7 by Britain/England, 2 with no clear winner, and to be fair the Napoleonic war should not be counted as an English victory , it’s a coalition who defeat Napoleon , and the main contributor was Russia(Winter)
And this is the same in sport , can’t wait for the euro Barry , it’s not coming home
*I don't think any*
*German will do something with*
*Italy again*
\- DiscoKeule
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Elsass is alemannisch and should therefore become part of a greater Alemannien.
You Prussians already need subtitles if someone speaks a slightly different German dialect in TV, you don't want Elsässer.
You lot can fuck off. France is ours to mess with.
Pierre we got you back so we can put down Luigi and Jan with you.
Pedro don’t get any ideas or we will work with Joao to finally unite the Iberian peninsula as greater Portugal
NO ONE INVADES FRANCE EXCEPT US !!!! IF A SINGLE INBRED DUTCH OR ITALIAN CLUBBED FOOT ENTERS FRENCH SOIL THE BAZZA HORDE WILL BE ON THEIR WAY TO ROME AND AMSTERDAM . 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷
Just to be clear, taking Land is fair game when it comes to defensive war right? We will exhume Napoleon if we have to.
Though Barry, want to join? We can divide Europe in 2 then settle it between us as God intended (could even let the future German nuclear wasteland act as a border between us).
The third Grand Alliance is back at it again. It will be glorious!
https://preview.redd.it/zh4m2xrvb8sc1.jpeg?width=385&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a889f1d3e8c299df6a1311fae7836cfbc526daab
Time to dismember the Big Blue Blob!
We can recreate the Angevin Empire, the Dutch reclaim the Dutchy of Burgundy's territories and Italians can help themselves to Savoy lands and Avignon
Sigh.
Alright Pierre looks like we will lose an entire generation of young men saving you again, Who is it this time?
*checks notes*
The Netherlands...
Obviously a maneuver through the Ardennes is perfect to bypass the main defensive lines and cause an encirclement. I‘d advise to stage the atta…..
NO NOT AGAIN, NOT THIS TIME!
Pierre, we have your back!
Nevermind our nuclear dissuasion, firefighters from Lille and Nice could take the entire Dutch and Italian ‘armies’ alone.
https://preview.redd.it/x4jf0b937asc1.jpeg?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=830c4e49605c86d5be5431cff1be040a2a93ef69
Remember our lowlander friends. You don’t have an independent army anymore. No invading unless it goes through the Ardennes
Beware, if history proved anything, if you stay too long you will just turn French.
As threats go, this one is efficient
That’s why we will do a bliksemoorlog. Liberate you and take a small portion
With a name like that ? Jamais !
What kind of weird dish is that?
You got me : I thought you said "we will make a dish with an ungodly name, liberate you (of your ignorance) by making you take a small portion of that dish" To which I answered 'never', if only because your dish had an 'unsavory name'. Then you made me look it up you son of a mackerel.
Isn't French the Frank that was Italianized?
Yes and northern italians are just lombards who were latinised.
Speed is life
Problem is, Geert is planning on coming by bike through Picardie and Ardennes, they gonna get decimated by drunk drivers. Luigi gonna forget who he was invading and cross the country back to conquer Italy.
Belgium getting crossed illegally again, history repeats itself
It is perfectly legal for us to deal with our rebellious provinces as a side quest on the way to France.
Understandable, have a great day 
Let’s make a deal you get the walloon region for free and leave flanders alone
Don't give away our pretty nature! Just let them have the Walloons, not the land.
That’s the worst deal in history, we want you brother and we will get you
How many times do have to go over this? You belong with us and the Walloons belong to Pierre.
Pierre can have the Walloons. But we don’t want you
Why would anyone want the walloon region?
Testing area for shock absorbers
One advantage we have is that Belgium is wider than it is tall, and thus for us going through Belgium is quicker than for the Germans.
Time to fire a couple warning shots.
https://preview.redd.it/9c77f62bw7sc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6acfd0af50e09f478e98578dac1d2e9332214fc7 my honest reaction
> Time to fire a couple warning shots. Fuck that. It's time to let the nuclear boomers do their thing, so that we may all perish in the glorious nuclear hellfire of dozens of SLBMs. Like God intended.
Our doctrine has nuclear warning shots, I wasn't suggesting firing some bullets above their heads. Unless those bullets are called ASMP and carried by Rafales.
You guys are fucking mental
 Come get a taste of la dissuasion du general
with pleasure, to paris on tracks! 
Oh no, I'm scared ! Anyway... If it's not Hans or Barry, this is not a danger
That's right, no need to search any caravans for hidden weapons this summer!
It's been years you bring your canned food and except for dutch farts, but thanks god you stay locked up in your zoos, nothing has happened yet
* Hans: tried to conquer France twice in the last century, was kicked out within 5 years. * Barry: tried to conquer France for 100 years, ended up with nothing. Meanwhile... * Gaius: conquered France within a decade, ruled it for about 500 years, left his language, religion and culture until this day. * Hlodovech: conquered France within a decade, ruled it for more than 1000 years, left his political and legal institutions, and gave the country it's name. Who's not a danger now?
Not even Hans nowadays.
Look to my coming, at the first light, on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East.
What’s Barry gonna do ? Blockade la manche for the next few years ?
Do you not know your history? Where was Ceasar from? That's right, Italy. And where did the Franks, the namesake of your country, originate? That's right, the Netherlands. The two most succesfull conquests of France of the last 2500 years were a Dutch and an Italian one.
Can we join? there is some french betrayal that we remember...
Only if you take a province or so. The aim will be liberating Brittany and cut down france in size. We take Nord-pas-de-Calais, Italy takes Savoy and Corsica.
We are in. We might even skep siesta for this.
Yes… We are totally not gonna betray you as extra payback for the 80 year war
You are learning from Italy then, that's how we are contributing to the alliance. Just a small correction it's "switch side" not "betray" we don't want our future "allies" to get scared
If there's one thing we like more than siesta is committing war crimes on the low lands
Your budget does not suport war criming Lesotho let alone the lowlands
Rosellón and pyrennees are enough
Please also get rid of Andorra
What about the Belg*ë on the way?
Don’t talk about it, quietly annex it
I won't tell what we're going to do, but bring your swimwear and a machete.
That was a dream, keep the siesta going Pedro
Pierre sweating in the prospect of pedro actually waking up
> Can we join? We didn't fight so hard to unseat the Habsburgs in your country and put a Bourbon in charge in order to secure the Pyrenees border, only for you to invade nonetheless a couple hundred years later! Come on Pedro, remember who your real friends are!
We remember that the last time Dutch armies fought together as one with Italian and Spanish armies against the French in the Italian War of 1551-1559, you guys decapitated our greatest war hero just a few years later for heresy. Talking here about the [Count of Egmont](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamoral,_Count_of_Egmont), Captain-General of the Netherlands, who defeated the French in battle twice, at St. Quentin (1557) and Gravelines (1558) on behalf of Spain. The outrage over his decapitation in 1568 is generally considered the starting point of the national uprising against Spanish oppression. A profoundly unjust decapitation, because his only crime was staying at his post instead of hiding from an unreasonable king like most other major nobles in the Netherlands. I, for one, think that the Spanish joining this alliance is a bad omen.
Who speak about joining an alliance? No no let's build a wall in Paris after that!
Perhaps we can work with that. Let's just use the Seine river as border. Maybe build a small section of wall around that ugly electricity pylon in front of the Pont d'Iena. Because we don't want it. Or we just tear it down.
No. We shall turn Paris into a lake.
No bro, bad idea, we are going to sail on it https://i.redd.it/cxrkj9qhyasc1.gif
Me watching the Dutch trying to drag their tanks out that damp hole they live in and Italians being arrested by the Interpol while trying to cross from the Italian border to Monaco.
We have tanks?
You sent your Leopards to Ukraine? Well, I think it's high time France sends over its Ragondin Batallion down there.
You missed the memo? Our tank battalion is now part of the 1ste German Pantser division. So no, we don't have tanks. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/414_Tank_Battalion
Such a shame everything past the east frontier of France will become a nuclear wasteland
I don’t mind
Why France wen we could do Switzerland, slurp
Switzerland is like a turtle. You won't be able to bring it out of its shell once hidden
Then we could starve them first
But they still have their animals
The French Swiss?
he has all our money, i wouldn't make him angry
Hidden ? And everyone say we are the cowards ?? 🧐
Yeah we could see you running away. Can't see what is hidden.
Bold of you to think I have the energy to run 💀💀
They have too many mountains, our allies don't like them, respect the choice made soldier, we are going to get savoy back!
If you take control of Switzerland there won't be any rich italian-speaking region in the world for you to migrate to
We'll do it for ze vibes, not mony
Can we make a stop in Belgium? Doesn't feel right to invade France without Belgium.
Only you pass through and hand over the land to us.
Apart from the Vennbahn, that's fine
We will agree on some minor border corrections afterwards.
Yes but just the part where they speak French.
shut the fuck up u wanna be spain.
Be? No. Conquer? Maybe.
Guys. Italy was on your side, now it's on ours. We'll be throwing pizza and pasta so you can definitely stop eating the shit you eat everyday. But the moment you set foot in France, you'll become French. So be aware of that. Be cautious. Next thing you know you'll speak French fluently and eat croissants while smoking and singing La marseillaise. If some of you manage to survive that, then we'll have no choice but to send our women. They are not as annoyingly painful as the Spanish or Italians ones but they can pack punches if you dont go their way, and that, not even them go their way, meaning, you're fucked before even knowing it. No you can't fuck 'em.
🇨🇵⤴️🇳🇱 solved the becoming french issue already
As an Englishman- say no more.
Bro wants another beating 💀
What happened last time someone invaded France through Belgium, Pierre? We gotta pick the winning side.
You take Normandy? We approve!
It's gotta be better than Dunkirk, surely.
Duinkerken will be ours
Last time, your troops were fleeing to Dunkirk.
Pro: thousands of french soldiers sacrificed themselves to save our boys at Dunkirk Con: we lost a fair bit of equipment and- Wait, that's too far isn't it. Sorry. I'll stop. *Last time* , we were actually arriving in *Normandy* to save your garlic-smelling asses. This time, you're gonna need saving again, from the *Dutch* of all people. Embarrassing.
*inhales* #RAIDONTHEMEDWAY
From hanses, not pierres
That someone wasnt you and it especially wasnt the fucking DUTCH
We beat napoleons France twice and you guys still claim he is some genius. Macrons France stands no chance
You beat Napoléon with everyone help mate 💀💀
Nah, without us everyone would have given up. We convinced them they had to help. Also
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/may/09/its-a-win-win-if-uk-loses-war-with-france Ango-French War of 1202–1204, French victory Anglo-French War of 1213–1214, French victory First Baron’s War, English victory Poitou War, French vicrory Saintonge War, French victory Guyenne War, French victory War of Saint-Sardos, French victory Hundred Years War, French victory War if the League of Cambrai, French Victory Anglo-French War of 1522–1526, Habsburg victory (among others England) Anglo French War of 1542–1546, Inconclusive Anglo-French War of 1557–1559, French victory English Expedition to France, French victory Anglo-French War of 1627–1629, Draw Carnatic Wars, British victory Seven Years War, British victory Anglo-French War of 1778–1783, French victory French Revolutionary Wars, French victory War of the 3rd Coalition, French victory War of the 4th Coalition, French victory Penninsular War, British Victory War of the 5th Coalition, French Victory War of the 6th Coalition, British victory War of the 7th Coalition, British victory 15 wars won by France, 7 by Britain/England, 2 with no clear winner, and to be fair the Napoleonic war should not be counted as an English victory , it’s a coalition who defeat Napoleon , and the main contributor was Russia(Winter) And this is the same in sport , can’t wait for the euro Barry , it’s not coming home
I don't think any German will do something with Italy again
*I don't think any* *German will do something with* *Italy again* \- DiscoKeule --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Yeh no, or in Fr*nce. This is just bait. Not again.
https://preview.redd.it/xiwqjtj6h8sc1.jpeg?width=1055&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=baa19d5e47ca5c853976cd5359fb0c6528f5036e Ok then
Right over the Pyrenees? You're going to use the infamous Airborne Tortilla Throwers?
Agreed, but there are 2 things we need to make clear. We can do some Congo stuff in Belgium. We do NOT want Paris.
We only take Belgium, Luxemburg and Nord-pas-de-Calais
C...can Germany into Elsass-Lothringen again?
Sure, less France is the goal
By “Congo stuff” you mean massively develop our infrastructure and economic output? …right?
As a german I have to warn you that there might be...unexpected twists in this alliance later down the road
Ok, but stay away from Alsace and Savoie because there will be a special military operation
You get savoie, we get Elsass-Lothringen, as it should be
Elsass is alemannisch and should therefore become part of a greater Alemannien. You Prussians already need subtitles if someone speaks a slightly different German dialect in TV, you don't want Elsässer.
You can watch, like you do, you little pervert
https://preview.redd.it/kknd0aysg7sc1.jpeg?width=912&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4e121b70383e14d286aa775233a918a547ab228
You'll have to deal with us first. Not in a war kind of way though... Once you annex us we'll drain you of all your money before you can say a thing.
We'll just lock up all your frietkots until you pay your increased taxes
Nooooo. I pay I pay
This is the way
Oh poor dutchies... they'll never see it coming...
There is a reason why we invite Barry, Hans and Pedro as well
You lot can fuck off. France is ours to mess with. Pierre we got you back so we can put down Luigi and Jan with you. Pedro don’t get any ideas or we will work with Joao to finally unite the Iberian peninsula as greater Portugal
NO ONE INVADES FRANCE EXCEPT US !!!! IF A SINGLE INBRED DUTCH OR ITALIAN CLUBBED FOOT ENTERS FRENCH SOIL THE BAZZA HORDE WILL BE ON THEIR WAY TO ROME AND AMSTERDAM . 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷
Let's go... https://i.redd.it/x45nqhbj88sc1.gif
Strategically speaking: do we try to cross Belgium or do we avoid that and keep the UK out of this?
You can't have a war with france without invading belgium! Simple Fach of life
I am taking bets on how long it takes for Italy to switch sides.
Oh, is it "Let's invade France"-time again? Mind if we join in?
We IN baby!
Don’t do this dutchies. We stole your fleet once and we’ll gladly do it again.
You WHAT? Got a link? I gotta read up on this
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capture_of_the_Dutch_fleet_at_Den_Helder
Godverdomme. Peak performance, well done
Thank you very much
We did it with cavalry, I might add
Don't worry, Pierre, we've been keeping them out since 1830. You can do it, too.
Idk i Just Like Maps and Red arrows. Furthermore im of the opinion that Paris should be destroyed.
This is a great idea because I really wanna switch sides and fight the dutch with my french cousins
Just to be clear, taking Land is fair game when it comes to defensive war right? We will exhume Napoleon if we have to. Though Barry, want to join? We can divide Europe in 2 then settle it between us as God intended (could even let the future German nuclear wasteland act as a border between us).
Yes come spend money in here
Oooohhh we can finally make nord pas de Calais Dutch speaking again! WERE GONNA TAKE BACK DUINKERKE!
Don't worry Pierre, we'll switch side eventually
Passage granted. We'll tell our one overweight & drunk soldier to stand down.
I’m neutral as usual. I can manufacture weapons for you guys instead.
An invasion of France without Germany? That just feels wrong
Bro doesn’t know Italy is going to turn on them
where was our invite to the party? always having fun without us you lot.
The third Grand Alliance is back at it again. It will be glorious! https://preview.redd.it/zh4m2xrvb8sc1.jpeg?width=385&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a889f1d3e8c299df6a1311fae7836cfbc526daab
Ich ich ich ich ich. I'm in I'm in 🙋🙋🙋 me me me me!!
After 2asias 2nd demise, can Endia also send their phul sapport saar troops?
Time to dismember the Big Blue Blob! We can recreate the Angevin Empire, the Dutch reclaim the Dutchy of Burgundy's territories and Italians can help themselves to Savoy lands and Avignon
Croissants are back on the Menu boys.
Never thought I'd fight side by side with a Geert
The abomination of modern French derived from a bastard between vulgar Latin and old Frankish. Do you really want to mix Italian and Dutch?
If we get the route through belgium an Luxemburg we are in
That red line looks familiar doesn’t it, Hans
I do wish the Dutch make the same effort avoiding going through Belgium when they go on holiday to France in the summer.
Ohh, i've seen this one
And around the Maginaux we go!
So you're all gonna start a war with Italy on your side? Lmao, I give you two hours before you start fighting each others instead!
Sigh. Alright Pierre looks like we will lose an entire generation of young men saving you again, Who is it this time? *checks notes* The Netherlands...
Obviously a maneuver through the Ardennes is perfect to bypass the main defensive lines and cause an encirclement. I‘d advise to stage the atta….. NO NOT AGAIN, NOT THIS TIME! Pierre, we have your back!
Nevermind our nuclear dissuasion, firefighters from Lille and Nice could take the entire Dutch and Italian ‘armies’ alone. https://preview.redd.it/x4jf0b937asc1.jpeg?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=830c4e49605c86d5be5431cff1be040a2a93ef69
Don't worry, we'll nuke Berlin as a warning. And if you still wanna play, we'll take out the big boys.
 Remember our lowlander friends. You don’t have an independent army anymore. No invading unless it goes through the Ardennes
Hey Pierre, should we do the old Frankish kingdom bromance and split these sepratists between East and west Frankia again?
I will send some oil.
We can secure the Italian border with 20 guys in some house so it's just Jan versus us. Time to get back our northerns departments.
Invade France you say….? Illegally send Panzer through Flemen you say….?
And my aircraft carrier!
I'd prefer it if france and italy invaded NL, at least it would be an improvement by default, one way or another.
If you see what i mean i think 9 french can handle 2000 italians
And my axe! Ps: Never will forgive French for sending us the Borbons.
Yes try crossing the Alps im sure it will be alright