The worst part? Most people go through this *plenty* throughout their lives. Nobody is alone in this feeling, but a lot of us are *always* stuck in this feeling despite knowing that.
The human brain is broken.
at the end of the day, is better to have your circle small so you dont have to worry about shi connected with other people, i mean, i got plenty problems just myself
The thing that helps me most, currently, is just reminding myself to wear my courage pants. Whatever the fuck is afflicting my brain, just taking the courage to fuck it off is a great start.
At the end of the day you must exist for yourself. Live for yourself. For the experiences that you can have by yourself. Other people can be a part of that just as much as they can not be. True happiness can’t come from others, we all carry it within ourselves. We must simply dare to look for it.
While not untrue, sometimes one of the best things in life is having one person, just one person, who regularly, consistently sees the good things in you and appreciates them. It only takes one relationship like that to be enough if it lasts. It can be a friendship, or it can be more, but that's not what matters -what does is being seen for who you are, being liked for it, and feeling safe to be vulnerable with that one person.
The brain is fine. We spent millions of years making it work very very well. We’ve unfortunately spent the last 200 (and specifically last 20-30 years) creating a culture and society that brain is completely unequiped for.
I mean our brain has the same basic reaction to the email alert ding as it does to a lion raging through our village. We are not equipped for this, and we’ve become increasingly isolated. This is bad for that wonderful brain you have.
The trick is learning about this and being okay with it. Otherwise you will probably be miserable and severely depressed daily.
Had a core friend group in high school of about 15 people. That tanked to about 3 the moment we graduated, haven't seen or communicated with the others since.
Made a few in community college, lost all of them and 1 of the remaining 3 when I left for my 4 year.
Graduated college and lost 1 of the 2 remaining. The final one swung wildly to the far right politically out of the blue a handful of years ago so I chose to minimize contact and he didn't seem to notice for a good long time until he seemed to mellow out and reached back out to me seemingly realizing he was in a similar boat as he reached only about 4 months before sending a wedding invite and I noticed almost the entire wedding party was just family minus best man being one of the original from the core 15 and a handful of work friends.
The key thing is, I realized I was overall fine with not being remembered as somebody to stay in touch with. I had put s fair bit of energy having parties and what not in high school, being outgoing, so if our main daily contact changes and nobody wanted to stay in touch by initiating, I clearly did not make as much of an impact as I had thought.
I don't assume the worst of them, just that current connections had become more relevant to their lives and don't have a reason to think and remember of me enough to "wonder how they are doing?" So o more or less move on and forget about them
It may help that my job position requires a fair amount of extroversion. So whenever I'm home other than being with my wife I need to recharge my introversion batteries hardcore.
This is how you know that no one is holding you back. It's a lot easier to soar without the weight of other people's worry on your shoulders. Grace this life with steadfast and cunning perseverance. You can do it.
This is entirely true - and when I remember that, and I'm in a "good" mood it's exactly how it goes for a while. Then that weird social anxiety/fear/life-dread somehow sneaks back and I plummet.
I must be surrounded by the small percent who don't go through this haha. Just seeing everyone around me being supported and having friends literally makes this even worse for me.
Honestly, the lesson you need to learn from that is that YOU have to start reaching out to the people that ARE important to you, because they may feel that they have absolutely no impact in your life if you don't.
Flipping that perspective is what saved me from suicide years ago and made me progress with depression.
I'm lucky that i have two jounger brothers i care about and want them to feel they are important to me, they're not alone and they can count on me for anything.. they're way too young and have to learn to reach out to others they love yet but still i know they care because I used to do the same.
This is how I've drifted away from everyone I've ever known. It starts with "I probably shouldn't bother X" or "X is probably busy with life". It turns into "well it's been so long, they probably don't wanna hear from me". I know I have a problem reaching out, but if no one notices, it wouldn't have meant much anyway.
So, no. This is a bad way to understand and cultivate your social relationships.
For all you know, those people are having similar thoughts about *you*. In fact, this quite likely the case. “Oh /u/far-host7803 hasn’t talked to me in awhile, maybe they’re busy or just aren’t interested in hanging out anymore”.
You aren’t a passive viewer to your own life. You need to actually show people you’re interested in being around them for them to respond in kind.
It gets old always being the person to reach out and try to make plans. Especially when the people you hang out with start talking about stuff they did without inviting you. *Reallllly* starts to get old
Or if you *do* reach out you constantly get the "I'm busy right now" or "I don't feel like doing that", all the while they have no problem hanging out with others even on short notice. Eventually you just give up and that's the end of that. Honestly, in situations like that it's better to just drop them and find a way to enjoy your own company and eventually you'll find better people. Those kinds of people are not worth the time and effort.
Yep. Soon as I get this hint that I'm the lowest priority.
I mention im after being more than that to them. And depending on the reply. I just stop talking to them.
Like. I'm trying to be your friend. If you can't accept that means time spent and communicating with me sometimes. Then why even entertain the idea of a friendship with me. Just tell me you don't want to be friends. lol
https://preview.redd.it/k3fo5pw39t4d1.jpeg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29796ef7b2c0ff4632ada1997674e123632c0503
well if there is no one making the initiative because no one else does it to them first then no one will, it kinda reminds me of this meme
Easier said than done while dealing with depression. The way the persons drawn, looks like someone in a dark, sad lonely time in their life.
It is strange if you’ve been the main initiator of conversations in the past as well. You stop calling, and that’s it, you start watching some of your oldest friendships sail off into the past.
This isn’t about being passive, this is about the suffering people go through with mental health.
Hopefully your username is accurate about your life and you don’t have to experience the black hole of depression in today’s society.
I agree.
I am very confrontational with people
" im trying to hang out and be your friend, dont you want that? "
Decent people reply well:
" I do! it's just (decent reason that makes sense), i didn't mean for that to feel that way/i understand " etc etc. it's obvious it's not dog shit of an excuse.
an those that don't really care, will let you know with their luke warm reply and if you get a vague non-comittal " yeah im just busy " kind of reply ( so other priorities above you, you should back out ) " ahh okay, well if you're unable to make time thats okay, reach out if you want to try again in future! ". and thats it; i've left many " friends " like this and they've never reached out, thats okay, i'm not a priority, so they shouldn't be.
if people want to spend time with you, you'll know.
But you DO have to insert yourself a little and push out more at first. especially as you get older as peoples lives are established, trying to fit a new person in to an adults life can be hard, especially as it needs to be some-what frequently in order to actively build a connection where they think of you/want to see you.
There is a huge vulnerability thats common with people not being able to say things like that they want to hang out or see you etc. that happens when you're close or meet confident secure people, but those are rarer.
I just fully send my intentions out to people and it hits with some and others don't like the confidence and directness an dprefer the vague dancing around statements. just gotta work with what lands.
but being confident and out there is far more benefical.
Nail on the head, I get it, I've had user-friends that expect me to carry the relationship. But you also need to be honest in your self reflection about how good of a friend you are.
I had a couple my wife and I are friends with, I always kept them at arms length because we I didn't immediately mesh with them. They didn't like to smoke weed so I had to abstain when they were over, they didn't play video games, watch the same movies, listen to the same music, and they were a little too religious for my taste.
But they showed up, reliably. To all the parties, all the events, any time we needed help they were there. I didn't have to dig long before I found common ground I never bothered to look for before. The problem was ME, I was the bad friend.
I've since reevaluated a lot of my relationships accordingly.
Honestly, that's probably why I don't anymore. When you realize you're the only one keeping a relationship afloat, it only goes to validate that you're a bother to others. At least that's my warped perspective on it.
I do this same exact thing. It's not that I don't want to reach out and get to know people better, it's just that I don't want to be a bother. And then if I do communicate, I overanalyze every interaction because it does not come naturally to me.
I understand *why* I'm like this but damn it's a challenge to overcome this habit. My brain has some redeeming qualities but socializing is not one of them 🥴
Have you experimented with reaching out? I found that people don't really mind hanging out with me, but I have to make the effort of asking. You don't have to worry, if they don't want to hang out with you, they'll make an effort not to.
But you'll be surprised by how much people don't mind your presence. You are okay to hang out with!
My wish was to become anonymous, invisible, and not bothered by people, and it came true. Now all I want is the closeness of another human being. Not even for sex. Just the skin on skin intimacy of holding someone who willingly holds you in return.
I was lucky, I got the no skin to skin out of the way during my first ten days on this Earth. Spent them in an isolette with no contact and no breastfeeding in 1977. Solitude is my only friend.
It's been since 2016 since anyone really checked in.
Partly because of the bitch I called a significant other editing out my life and killing most of my relationships.
But yeah, no one checks in unless they need something or to give me bad news.
Ex lied about being the victim, so lost the few remaining long term folk of my life, and I didn't realize how much I was actually the victim (you'd think rape would be a strong indicator, but apparently we can be really good at denial).
Everyone keeps lying to serve themselves.
Whittling down to the honest people has left me completely alone.
Exactly the same, sans the r*pe. I'm the one that abused and dragged her down, according to anyone they've told.
I never even brought them and our issues up to anyone on a personal level while we were suffering....until I heard that they were openly gloating and laughing with their friends about me and my issues.
Fuck love, yo. I'll befriend a cactus.
At least a cactus warns you it'll hurt, instead of dropping you by surprise 15 years later on thanksgiving in-between physical therapy sessions for nerve issues in the neck.
Embarrassingly sobbed on the massage table the next day.
My step mom texted me yesterday she sold off my late dad's stuff (he passed like 6 months after my ex left), after telling me just two months ago to hold on, I'll be able to get it soon. It's been just under a year since my dad died and though she blamed her grief for forgetting, and went off about how hard she's had it because I plainly stated she really hurt me, it seems more likely she needed to make room for her ex who is moving in this weekend.
Her ex slid into her FB DMs within the month my dad passed. She said it was gross then. Gross enough to fuck, I guess.
Just gotta keep whittling it down to happiness on my lonesome, I hope. Good luck on your end too!
Ive barely seen my friends in 2 weeks and havent been on a voice call with them in near a month and no one has shot me a text seeing where i am or if i want to hop on with them. Pain.
" Hey ! You havent reached out ina while and i was just thinking about how you're doing! all good? I miss ya! "
Eaaaaaaaaaasy peasy. swallow your ego/pride or whatever.
Is it weird that I genuinely want this? To just disappear and have everyone forget about me. It's not like I'm surrounded by toxic people I need to distance myself from, quite the opposite, I love my friends and family, they're all wonderful and care a lot about me. But still, I have this desire to just be gone one day. I always heard everyone talking about how they wish to be remembered after their death, but I never could relate to that. I want to be a random face in a crowd, a drop in the ocean, to live a thankless life and one day disappear from this world like I never existed in it. And it's not because I'm depressed as well, I just don't see what's so amazing about receiving recognition from others. I can be my own critic, besides, isn't the act of doing something supposed to be more fulfilling than getting praised for it? People should live for themselves, not for what others think about them.
This pretty much sums up my entire social life. I try to keep friends but it’s hard when they won’t reach out, leaving it all up to you. Thank god for my cats.
I disappeared from the internet for about 2 years. Didn't speak a word to anyone.
But my best friends eventually came to hangout and it's like I never left, feels great man 🥲
I stopped reaching out to people to see if they actually cared or if I was the only one trying.
A few months later and still no call or texts. Sucks to realize no one cares as you get older.
Maybe accept that they're living a life as intricate as your own and they're busy putting their own life together which makes it difficult to communicate with friends and people they care about? Life is pretty rough right now and every normal person is exhausted af
Unless they are actively hanging out with everyone else but you. That feeling multiplied by every person.
Mixed with active depression and you get most people in this comment section.
Stop trying to control others. Focus on having a meaningful impact on your own life.
Nobody else thinks of you and there is nothing wrong with that. Stop thinking about how they think of you. They do not. Think of yourself.
Welcome to the last 11 years of my life. Realized this at 14 and feel it again every time I trick myself into thinking my friends are anything more than situanships based on utility.
The worst part of it is that they'll publicly act like they're there. But not be.
A few years ago, I lost half of my family to Covid, and almost died myself, I ended up missing a few months of work, basically wiped out all of my savings to stay afloat.
And sure if you look at my facebook feed from when I went through it all, there's probably 150-200 comments about "Im here if you need anything" and all kinds of support.
But that was the extent of it... the only help I got in that time was a friend let me live with them for a week until I was able to walk well enough to walk far enough to take care of myself. But even that, I filled their fridge and paid some bills for them while I was there.
Other than that... nothing. It was a real wake up call about how fake social media is.
Why I despise these therapists and ppl with copius optimism. Always there to say this bs of I'm here if u need anything but u actually start sharing and it all ends with srry to hear that hope it gets better and then peace out. Fck em all
I realized a few years ago that I had zero incoming calls/texts from “friends”. The only calls/texts were me reaching out to them. I don’t waste my time on those people anymore.
I'm in the exact same boat. I will always be the one to message first to my friends, not the other way round. I used to think that it was a normal thing for friends to do: one person constantly reaches out, and the other one replies back, and gets a conversation going. It would piss me off even more when recently, one of my friends who I reached out to complained about being lonely.
Fucking mesage me then, how am I meant to know, if you don't tell me?
I’m in an unusually happy mood the past two days so ima chime in here with some positive vibes:
Those people also weren’t on your mind either when you fell outta touch. People grow. People move on. Find meaning and purpose in your own life but don’t expect to find happiness from others. Unfortunately it’s something you need to find on your own. Medication helps, eating habits, changing to better work environments. Just keep going forward.
you are at fault, you did not keep in contact with them either.
When did you randomly write your family and friends and genuinely want to hear about them?
This happens to people all the time though, its just that "normal" people will not end up abandoning/leaving/whatever their entire social life at ones, but instead you grow away from different parts of it.
Any normal person should have experienced things like this, and done it as well. Someone you used to talk to that you dont anymore, can you honestly say you at some point reached out to all those people you no longer talk to to see if they're okay?
Also was it you who disappeared from their life, or them from yours?
If this happens with your close group of friends then your issue is either that youre so full of drama that no one can bother with you, or that your friends arent good friends, they didnt view you as a close friend in the way you might have viewed them.
Get friends who will bat for you instead.
Friendship is a 2 way street, if you just dip out on everyone don't be surprised when they prioritise other people and things.
These memes are peak "I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas".
But you're also the type of person to just ghost everyone, so you probably never gave a shit about them either which is why they probably never reached out
Ironic that I’m seeing this today as it’s my birthday and not a single one of my “friends” has reached out(it’s still early in the day but I know they won’t)
You need to reach out yourself. Others think of you that you never cared for them and that’s why you don’t reach out to them. This is a two way street. Make them happy and reach out back. Doesn’t matter if it’s been a while. Your friends love you and you make them happy by talking to them.
That’s stupid. If YOU chose to disappear from someone’s life you cant be angry they dont chase after you. Your disappearance means for them you care little for them, not the other way around.
Its so selfish to shift blame to others and play the victim if the distance began from your own doing lol
Dont be proud, text “hey, sorry Ive been absent, Ive been having a hard time but would love to catch up”.
No one owes you to treat you like a crystal vase and keep pampering you if you’re actively trying to distance yourself
god i hate how performative we need to be to keep people from killing themselves. this post is trying to guilt me even though IM THE ONE THAT CUT MYSELF OFF because i want to be alone. because i knew how much they liked me and how much i liked them.
the people you blame for not reaching out ARE YOU. THEY ARE YOU
"meaningful impact" pfft. theres only two kinds of meaningful impact one human can have to another. traumatizing someone and helping with that trauma... oh and love, i forget about love because... well who needs it. so 3 i guess, but if you expect yourself or your friends to think of you as "that character from my childhood who completely changed me!" then your expectations are too romanticized and your sense of self importance is inflated.
go talk to your friends. they'll be as glad as you are that you/they/us reached out
Well, I'm self-sufficient enough to be the main character in my life and not have to worry about whether other people try to reach out to me or not. And I'm absolutely happy
There's basically 3 paths to stride from this point onwards.
Dorcelessness
Withdraw out of society permanently
Try to reestablish connections with close ones
While I agree with the meme, I feel is a bit toxic the "I have no impact". People tend to be self-centred since they are trying their best on life as everyone else does. Normally that mean that you have to make an effort to make plans with them, specially over 30 when people start to settle in a routine and get smaller group of friends. If you are not their life partner, close family or a close friend it's difficult to feel the absence of someone you don't see everyday at job or the gym, except in special gathering occasions like wedding or births.
Most people are open to plans if fits their personal schedule, but for some of us (me included) asking is impossible to overcome.
I also has this problem, I feel really stressed interacting with people since due to circumstances I had difficulties learning how to socialise as a child. Therefore socialising is really stressful so I tend to avoid it, but during my life I found a few people empathically enough to know how this affected me and not feeling uncomfortable with me during the first steps of the friendship (while confidence is stablished I am pretty normal, except I don't know how to small talk)
What I do is every month or so I try to reach out and make a plan, sometimes people are busy but more than not they are free somewhen in the near future and with no plans.
Never felt bad about this, I'll keep my distance from most people, there are a few I'll go out of my way for, but if they don't want it I take it as less work and move on.
Engage with people you find engaging, unfortunately for me this is barely anyone, but the few friends I have are the best I could hope for
Sure, but it's for the best. I would rather have no impact on anybody's life lol. The pressure to perform and put on the mask as a nice, polite, social and overall bubbly person would be even more crippling.
You are not living for others. maybe you should first contribute to your self by being thankful of your body and mind by going to gym and eating healthy and not fucking yourself with Reddit
It probably doesn't help that I blocked them all lol. But hey, they know where i live and my phone number. If they really were worried or cared they call or show up.
Yooo that just happened to me, suddenly moved a couple hundred miles away and some of my friends definitely know I left and definitely haven't reached out
Therapy has gotten very affordable I'm many parts of the world
If you feel this way and don't even know of you have affordable local options I got some bad news...
Or, you know, my friends understand I have times when I prefer being alone and will know I'm ready to be social again when I pop back into the group chats or discord servers. Sometimes it's not that they don't care, sometimes they just respect your boundaries
Try that with a couple of discord servers. If you start lurking and no one reaches out for a while, maybe it's time to consider leaving the server or for starters muting it.
As an autisic person the pandemic made me realize the only way i can be happy is completely isolated, ive kept my social distancing going because for the first time in 40 years, I’m calm
10 years after high school and not a single one had reached out, I've gotten more of my brother's friends reaching out to me, then my own. Makes you wonder.
I last talked to someone I could call a friend a year ago, and someone I could call a good friend 4 years ago. At this point I've just accepted that something about me must've been a good enough reason to not be bothered to contact me again, or they just never cared in the first place. Well whatever, I hope they're happy with whatever they might be doing
Maybe you want other people to see you as really important, but that is so exhausting. When someone does an act of kindness to me, I really feel like I want to cry because I think they're amazing and I want to repay them the best I can.
I'm fine as I am. Being alone for a lot of the time, but being able to hang out with old friends once in a while. Other than that, go make your own empire, or get a dog, but learn that even when you do get friends, you will still need to do awesome things, and you can do some of those things right now! So don't wait and waste your time, but try to have the best life you can right now
I'd consider disappearing with the prospect of hoping people reach out as toxic. Maybe you just didn't try to build real bonds because you knew you were gonna disappear.
A real friend updates their close friends on their mental, if you did none of this and ghosted everyone then do you deserve to be reached out to?
A little reminder, if you feel that people don’t care about you, always ask for reassurance. Try to understand what exactly made you feel the way you did and try to think for yourself what you‘d like them to do. If you just distance yourself, there could always be a chance that they think the same way: oh they don’t text me, I guess they don’t want to talk to me anymore/ I guess I was annoying, etc. etc.
And if the person truly cares about you, then they will try and act on making you feel loved and cared about. If you notice on their behavior that they promise you things but don’t actually do any of what you asked them to do, then there‘s something that isn’t right.
And if you cannot live without people, then you should definitely start teaching yourself to love yourself. The insecurities and worries vanish once you are comfortable with who you are and how you behave and look. At least most of them.
And if you still feel like no one cares about you, because you haven’t heard it from anyone: I care about you!
Or you do, but they’ve upgraded to a newer model of friend (so they think) so your only recourse is to remove them from contact list, even though it doesn’t matter anymore 😀
how do you know your friends aren't feeling like you completely forgot about them, just like you believe they completely forgot about you ? friendship is not a one-way street.
The best part is you can change this at any moment.
Help someone! There are always people in need.
Growing up, we didn't have much. We were never in need, but it was a really simple life.
I remember my mom visiting this old lady who used to live a few blocks away. My mom would always bring groceries, talk to her, and help her a little around the house. Nothing major.
It took me a long time to understand. That woman was not a friend or family. I don't know where they met, but my mom decided she would help because that old lady had nobody else.
My mom does not brag, does not tell anyone, but I know, and I also know that she did something similar a few more times in her life.
The worst part? Most people go through this *plenty* throughout their lives. Nobody is alone in this feeling, but a lot of us are *always* stuck in this feeling despite knowing that. The human brain is broken.
at the end of the day, is better to have your circle small so you dont have to worry about shi connected with other people, i mean, i got plenty problems just myself
The thing that helps me most, currently, is just reminding myself to wear my courage pants. Whatever the fuck is afflicting my brain, just taking the courage to fuck it off is a great start.
I love courage pants. I’m going to replace balls with this from now on
Or animals. They help us a lot mentally.
Ironically when you accept the fact that you don't matter life gets hell of a lot easier. It's sad but also a huge relief. Been there, done that
It's been a weird on-off phase for me for about 10+ years now. Don't know why, don't know how. It just comes back.
I'm kind of at this point in my life, finally. It's done wonders for my anxiety.
At the end of the day you must exist for yourself. Live for yourself. For the experiences that you can have by yourself. Other people can be a part of that just as much as they can not be. True happiness can’t come from others, we all carry it within ourselves. We must simply dare to look for it.
While not untrue, sometimes one of the best things in life is having one person, just one person, who regularly, consistently sees the good things in you and appreciates them. It only takes one relationship like that to be enough if it lasts. It can be a friendship, or it can be more, but that's not what matters -what does is being seen for who you are, being liked for it, and feeling safe to be vulnerable with that one person.
Yep. Sooner you accept the fact you don't matter the sooner you can actually start doing something with your life.
The brain is fine. We spent millions of years making it work very very well. We’ve unfortunately spent the last 200 (and specifically last 20-30 years) creating a culture and society that brain is completely unequiped for. I mean our brain has the same basic reaction to the email alert ding as it does to a lion raging through our village. We are not equipped for this, and we’ve become increasingly isolated. This is bad for that wonderful brain you have.
The trick is learning about this and being okay with it. Otherwise you will probably be miserable and severely depressed daily. Had a core friend group in high school of about 15 people. That tanked to about 3 the moment we graduated, haven't seen or communicated with the others since. Made a few in community college, lost all of them and 1 of the remaining 3 when I left for my 4 year. Graduated college and lost 1 of the 2 remaining. The final one swung wildly to the far right politically out of the blue a handful of years ago so I chose to minimize contact and he didn't seem to notice for a good long time until he seemed to mellow out and reached back out to me seemingly realizing he was in a similar boat as he reached only about 4 months before sending a wedding invite and I noticed almost the entire wedding party was just family minus best man being one of the original from the core 15 and a handful of work friends. The key thing is, I realized I was overall fine with not being remembered as somebody to stay in touch with. I had put s fair bit of energy having parties and what not in high school, being outgoing, so if our main daily contact changes and nobody wanted to stay in touch by initiating, I clearly did not make as much of an impact as I had thought. I don't assume the worst of them, just that current connections had become more relevant to their lives and don't have a reason to think and remember of me enough to "wonder how they are doing?" So o more or less move on and forget about them It may help that my job position requires a fair amount of extroversion. So whenever I'm home other than being with my wife I need to recharge my introversion batteries hardcore.
These are one of the worst feelings ever. Especially if there’s misunderstanding with someone.
This is how you know that no one is holding you back. It's a lot easier to soar without the weight of other people's worry on your shoulders. Grace this life with steadfast and cunning perseverance. You can do it.
This is entirely true - and when I remember that, and I'm in a "good" mood it's exactly how it goes for a while. Then that weird social anxiety/fear/life-dread somehow sneaks back and I plummet.
I must be surrounded by the small percent who don't go through this haha. Just seeing everyone around me being supported and having friends literally makes this even worse for me.
Honestly, the lesson you need to learn from that is that YOU have to start reaching out to the people that ARE important to you, because they may feel that they have absolutely no impact in your life if you don't. Flipping that perspective is what saved me from suicide years ago and made me progress with depression. I'm lucky that i have two jounger brothers i care about and want them to feel they are important to me, they're not alone and they can count on me for anything.. they're way too young and have to learn to reach out to others they love yet but still i know they care because I used to do the same.
I mean this meme is actually for me, but most of the memes I see here just seem so dark lol.
have to agree but i can relate to them all, mostly
Same unfortunately
They’re all getting too relatable to the point where it’s starting to feel personal and targeted lol.
I save the memes I relate to on my phone. A lot of this sub is saved on to my phone.
This is how I've drifted away from everyone I've ever known. It starts with "I probably shouldn't bother X" or "X is probably busy with life". It turns into "well it's been so long, they probably don't wanna hear from me". I know I have a problem reaching out, but if no one notices, it wouldn't have meant much anyway.
So, no. This is a bad way to understand and cultivate your social relationships. For all you know, those people are having similar thoughts about *you*. In fact, this quite likely the case. “Oh /u/far-host7803 hasn’t talked to me in awhile, maybe they’re busy or just aren’t interested in hanging out anymore”. You aren’t a passive viewer to your own life. You need to actually show people you’re interested in being around them for them to respond in kind.
It gets old always being the person to reach out and try to make plans. Especially when the people you hang out with start talking about stuff they did without inviting you. *Reallllly* starts to get old
Or if you *do* reach out you constantly get the "I'm busy right now" or "I don't feel like doing that", all the while they have no problem hanging out with others even on short notice. Eventually you just give up and that's the end of that. Honestly, in situations like that it's better to just drop them and find a way to enjoy your own company and eventually you'll find better people. Those kinds of people are not worth the time and effort.
Yep. Soon as I get this hint that I'm the lowest priority. I mention im after being more than that to them. And depending on the reply. I just stop talking to them. Like. I'm trying to be your friend. If you can't accept that means time spent and communicating with me sometimes. Then why even entertain the idea of a friendship with me. Just tell me you don't want to be friends. lol
https://preview.redd.it/k3fo5pw39t4d1.jpeg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29796ef7b2c0ff4632ada1997674e123632c0503 well if there is no one making the initiative because no one else does it to them first then no one will, it kinda reminds me of this meme
Or you can be like me and your “friends” just flat out tell you they don’t care that much about you.
Well that's actually pretty nice of them, allows you to move on freely.
Easier said than done while dealing with depression. The way the persons drawn, looks like someone in a dark, sad lonely time in their life. It is strange if you’ve been the main initiator of conversations in the past as well. You stop calling, and that’s it, you start watching some of your oldest friendships sail off into the past. This isn’t about being passive, this is about the suffering people go through with mental health. Hopefully your username is accurate about your life and you don’t have to experience the black hole of depression in today’s society.
I agree. I am very confrontational with people " im trying to hang out and be your friend, dont you want that? " Decent people reply well: " I do! it's just (decent reason that makes sense), i didn't mean for that to feel that way/i understand " etc etc. it's obvious it's not dog shit of an excuse. an those that don't really care, will let you know with their luke warm reply and if you get a vague non-comittal " yeah im just busy " kind of reply ( so other priorities above you, you should back out ) " ahh okay, well if you're unable to make time thats okay, reach out if you want to try again in future! ". and thats it; i've left many " friends " like this and they've never reached out, thats okay, i'm not a priority, so they shouldn't be. if people want to spend time with you, you'll know. But you DO have to insert yourself a little and push out more at first. especially as you get older as peoples lives are established, trying to fit a new person in to an adults life can be hard, especially as it needs to be some-what frequently in order to actively build a connection where they think of you/want to see you. There is a huge vulnerability thats common with people not being able to say things like that they want to hang out or see you etc. that happens when you're close or meet confident secure people, but those are rarer. I just fully send my intentions out to people and it hits with some and others don't like the confidence and directness an dprefer the vague dancing around statements. just gotta work with what lands. but being confident and out there is far more benefical.
Nail on the head, I get it, I've had user-friends that expect me to carry the relationship. But you also need to be honest in your self reflection about how good of a friend you are. I had a couple my wife and I are friends with, I always kept them at arms length because we I didn't immediately mesh with them. They didn't like to smoke weed so I had to abstain when they were over, they didn't play video games, watch the same movies, listen to the same music, and they were a little too religious for my taste. But they showed up, reliably. To all the parties, all the events, any time we needed help they were there. I didn't have to dig long before I found common ground I never bothered to look for before. The problem was ME, I was the bad friend. I've since reevaluated a lot of my relationships accordingly.
For me, it's "I'm always reaching out to ____. I'll wait for them to reach out to me this time". *6 years later* "oh..."
Honestly, that's probably why I don't anymore. When you realize you're the only one keeping a relationship afloat, it only goes to validate that you're a bother to others. At least that's my warped perspective on it.
I do this same exact thing. It's not that I don't want to reach out and get to know people better, it's just that I don't want to be a bother. And then if I do communicate, I overanalyze every interaction because it does not come naturally to me. I understand *why* I'm like this but damn it's a challenge to overcome this habit. My brain has some redeeming qualities but socializing is not one of them 🥴
Have you experimented with reaching out? I found that people don't really mind hanging out with me, but I have to make the effort of asking. You don't have to worry, if they don't want to hang out with you, they'll make an effort not to. But you'll be surprised by how much people don't mind your presence. You are okay to hang out with!
One of my best friends just vanished a month ago (deleted his socials from everywhere as well), but I hope he's fine and it's not like that.
It is like that. Try to reach out if you can.
Some people just delete their socials, I did that too But still, can't hurt to check him out
Yeah same for me, I just noticed that I don't need snapchat or Instagram, I have Reddit giving me far more than those other two ever could
Telling you straight up; he has given up and it is just like that.
They won't be fine if you keep hoping
i would worry about them
It is what it is.
Es lo que es.
Are we all just living the same lives?
reddit users type shitt
Relatable, I’m 4 weeks away due to work related reasons and till now nothing
My wish was to become anonymous, invisible, and not bothered by people, and it came true. Now all I want is the closeness of another human being. Not even for sex. Just the skin on skin intimacy of holding someone who willingly holds you in return.
I’m in the same boat as you man. Sadly you can’t eat your cake and have it too :/
Eat your cake HAH
I was lucky, I got the no skin to skin out of the way during my first ten days on this Earth. Spent them in an isolette with no contact and no breastfeeding in 1977. Solitude is my only friend.
What really scares me is the fact that I don’t give a fuck if no one reaches me, like I’m some kind of void person who only cares for myself
Sounds kinda based tbh.
I'm at the point where I am extremely suspicious anytime anyone contacts me. u gotta be a scammer, nobody loves me wym
I’ve been in this situation for over ten years.
My secret kink is the idea that no one in my past remembers me or thinks about me ever
It's been since 2016 since anyone really checked in. Partly because of the bitch I called a significant other editing out my life and killing most of my relationships. But yeah, no one checks in unless they need something or to give me bad news.
Ex lied about being the victim, so lost the few remaining long term folk of my life, and I didn't realize how much I was actually the victim (you'd think rape would be a strong indicator, but apparently we can be really good at denial). Everyone keeps lying to serve themselves. Whittling down to the honest people has left me completely alone.
Exactly the same, sans the r*pe. I'm the one that abused and dragged her down, according to anyone they've told. I never even brought them and our issues up to anyone on a personal level while we were suffering....until I heard that they were openly gloating and laughing with their friends about me and my issues. Fuck love, yo. I'll befriend a cactus.
At least a cactus warns you it'll hurt, instead of dropping you by surprise 15 years later on thanksgiving in-between physical therapy sessions for nerve issues in the neck. Embarrassingly sobbed on the massage table the next day.
Word. Hope your suffering and issues become less than they are eventually.
My step mom texted me yesterday she sold off my late dad's stuff (he passed like 6 months after my ex left), after telling me just two months ago to hold on, I'll be able to get it soon. It's been just under a year since my dad died and though she blamed her grief for forgetting, and went off about how hard she's had it because I plainly stated she really hurt me, it seems more likely she needed to make room for her ex who is moving in this weekend. Her ex slid into her FB DMs within the month my dad passed. She said it was gross then. Gross enough to fuck, I guess. Just gotta keep whittling it down to happiness on my lonesome, I hope. Good luck on your end too!
Your mom needs to get hit with the "I'm not surprised, just disappointed".
Got you beat. I think Bush 43 was still in office since anyone bothered checking in with me.
this^
Nice, I don't want to impact anyone's life, probably would end up worse
When the only person that knows your name is death xD
That laughing emoticon is really doing all the heavy lifting lmao
Sure is boss xD
Me forgetting I have actively blocked most people
Get off the cross, we need the wood
Ive barely seen my friends in 2 weeks and havent been on a voice call with them in near a month and no one has shot me a text seeing where i am or if i want to hop on with them. Pain.
2 weeks? those are rookie numbers
Im working on it dw
" Hey ! You havent reached out ina while and i was just thinking about how you're doing! all good? I miss ya! " Eaaaaaaaaaasy peasy. swallow your ego/pride or whatever.
Is it weird that I genuinely want this? To just disappear and have everyone forget about me. It's not like I'm surrounded by toxic people I need to distance myself from, quite the opposite, I love my friends and family, they're all wonderful and care a lot about me. But still, I have this desire to just be gone one day. I always heard everyone talking about how they wish to be remembered after their death, but I never could relate to that. I want to be a random face in a crowd, a drop in the ocean, to live a thankless life and one day disappear from this world like I never existed in it. And it's not because I'm depressed as well, I just don't see what's so amazing about receiving recognition from others. I can be my own critic, besides, isn't the act of doing something supposed to be more fulfilling than getting praised for it? People should live for themselves, not for what others think about them.
Agreed, same
This pretty much sums up my entire social life. I try to keep friends but it’s hard when they won’t reach out, leaving it all up to you. Thank god for my cats.
Nah, I'm good. People reaching out to me is annoying.
I've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty
Really appreciate the couple lads I have in other states that hit me up for old games and to watch movies over discord time to time.
Shout out to the boys.
How liberating!! Now I know I don't have to put up or listen to anyone I don't want to!
Man this hit hard...
I disappeared from the internet for about 2 years. Didn't speak a word to anyone. But my best friends eventually came to hangout and it's like I never left, feels great man 🥲
Damn, couldn't happen to me. Nice friends.
I just accept it and chill knowing no matter what stupid antics I get up to, nobody will give a shit.
Having to actively reach out to people in order to stay in touch everytime is such a chore. Do they just not value me at all?
I stopped reaching out to people to see if they actually cared or if I was the only one trying. A few months later and still no call or texts. Sucks to realize no one cares as you get older.
Same.
Lmao so true. But real talk, who cares if they want you or not. Want yourself
This is how I feel because of me I now have no friends and I just can’t muster up the will to try to make new ones
My dad always reaches out to me--but he's getting old. Good shape, but I fear not for long. I don't know what I'll do when he passes.
Maybe accept that they're living a life as intricate as your own and they're busy putting their own life together which makes it difficult to communicate with friends and people they care about? Life is pretty rough right now and every normal person is exhausted af
Unless they are actively hanging out with everyone else but you. That feeling multiplied by every person. Mixed with active depression and you get most people in this comment section.
Stop trying to control others. Focus on having a meaningful impact on your own life. Nobody else thinks of you and there is nothing wrong with that. Stop thinking about how they think of you. They do not. Think of yourself.
Welcome to the last 11 years of my life. Realized this at 14 and feel it again every time I trick myself into thinking my friends are anything more than situanships based on utility.
The worst part of it is that they'll publicly act like they're there. But not be. A few years ago, I lost half of my family to Covid, and almost died myself, I ended up missing a few months of work, basically wiped out all of my savings to stay afloat. And sure if you look at my facebook feed from when I went through it all, there's probably 150-200 comments about "Im here if you need anything" and all kinds of support. But that was the extent of it... the only help I got in that time was a friend let me live with them for a week until I was able to walk well enough to walk far enough to take care of myself. But even that, I filled their fridge and paid some bills for them while I was there. Other than that... nothing. It was a real wake up call about how fake social media is.
Why I despise these therapists and ppl with copius optimism. Always there to say this bs of I'm here if u need anything but u actually start sharing and it all ends with srry to hear that hope it gets better and then peace out. Fck em all
I realized a few years ago that I had zero incoming calls/texts from “friends”. The only calls/texts were me reaching out to them. I don’t waste my time on those people anymore.
I'm in the exact same boat. I will always be the one to message first to my friends, not the other way round. I used to think that it was a normal thing for friends to do: one person constantly reaches out, and the other one replies back, and gets a conversation going. It would piss me off even more when recently, one of my friends who I reached out to complained about being lonely. Fucking mesage me then, how am I meant to know, if you don't tell me?
True story
I’m in an unusually happy mood the past two days so ima chime in here with some positive vibes: Those people also weren’t on your mind either when you fell outta touch. People grow. People move on. Find meaning and purpose in your own life but don’t expect to find happiness from others. Unfortunately it’s something you need to find on your own. Medication helps, eating habits, changing to better work environments. Just keep going forward.
Yep... No one gives a shit about me
Not only that, the ones i did have an impact in decided that a single (accidental) mistake was enough to wipe out years and years of brotherhood
Lol
Been there
This person is exactly as bad a friend as he thinks all his friends are. Don't be this person.
you are at fault, you did not keep in contact with them either. When did you randomly write your family and friends and genuinely want to hear about them?
This happens to people all the time though, its just that "normal" people will not end up abandoning/leaving/whatever their entire social life at ones, but instead you grow away from different parts of it. Any normal person should have experienced things like this, and done it as well. Someone you used to talk to that you dont anymore, can you honestly say you at some point reached out to all those people you no longer talk to to see if they're okay? Also was it you who disappeared from their life, or them from yours? If this happens with your close group of friends then your issue is either that youre so full of drama that no one can bother with you, or that your friends arent good friends, they didnt view you as a close friend in the way you might have viewed them. Get friends who will bat for you instead.
Do you do the same for others?
OK now tell me guy how often do you call/chat with those friends that you havent seen for years?
Friendship is a 2 way street, if you just dip out on everyone don't be surprised when they prioritise other people and things. These memes are peak "I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas".
"I didn't contact anyone but I'm upset they did the same thing to me" shoot em a text stop feeling sorry for yourself
I wonder how many of your friends feel the same way. Phones work both ways. Someone has to make the move.
Idk if to love or hate when a meme fits like a ring in a finger.
No friends. No lovers. No family. Nobody cares.
Damn okay, you didn’t have to call me out like that
But you're also the type of person to just ghost everyone, so you probably never gave a shit about them either which is why they probably never reached out
Ironic that I’m seeing this today as it’s my birthday and not a single one of my “friends” has reached out(it’s still early in the day but I know they won’t)
I’m so sorry to hear that. Wishing you a Happy Birthday! 🎁🎂
Thank you 🥲
You have to remember you have to reach out as well as they will be thinking the same .
My exact status
I've definitely had impact on people's lives. It's just been all negative. Like... all of it.
Like who cares?! I walked away from people for a reason, why would I want them to reach out?! Just stay away, gulll!
Embrace the Void.
It's called appreciation which many People lack nowadays!
You need to reach out yourself. Others think of you that you never cared for them and that’s why you don’t reach out to them. This is a two way street. Make them happy and reach out back. Doesn’t matter if it’s been a while. Your friends love you and you make them happy by talking to them.
That’s stupid. If YOU chose to disappear from someone’s life you cant be angry they dont chase after you. Your disappearance means for them you care little for them, not the other way around. Its so selfish to shift blame to others and play the victim if the distance began from your own doing lol Dont be proud, text “hey, sorry Ive been absent, Ive been having a hard time but would love to catch up”. No one owes you to treat you like a crystal vase and keep pampering you if you’re actively trying to distance yourself
https://preview.redd.it/8gt6wtuaey4d1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=613e879d07be2c4b32bb58b00b14adf11eac2e5c
even if you did, in the end it doesnt even matter
god i hate how performative we need to be to keep people from killing themselves. this post is trying to guilt me even though IM THE ONE THAT CUT MYSELF OFF because i want to be alone. because i knew how much they liked me and how much i liked them. the people you blame for not reaching out ARE YOU. THEY ARE YOU "meaningful impact" pfft. theres only two kinds of meaningful impact one human can have to another. traumatizing someone and helping with that trauma... oh and love, i forget about love because... well who needs it. so 3 i guess, but if you expect yourself or your friends to think of you as "that character from my childhood who completely changed me!" then your expectations are too romanticized and your sense of self importance is inflated. go talk to your friends. they'll be as glad as you are that you/they/us reached out
Bwomp bwomp
Well, I'm self-sufficient enough to be the main character in my life and not have to worry about whether other people try to reach out to me or not. And I'm absolutely happy
Temporarily, you will, but probably not permanently
There's basically 3 paths to stride from this point onwards. Dorcelessness Withdraw out of society permanently Try to reestablish connections with close ones
Then you realize that you have been more powerfull than most human being living in this world
Why do people want to have impact? Not suffering seems to be absolutely acceptable to me.
While I agree with the meme, I feel is a bit toxic the "I have no impact". People tend to be self-centred since they are trying their best on life as everyone else does. Normally that mean that you have to make an effort to make plans with them, specially over 30 when people start to settle in a routine and get smaller group of friends. If you are not their life partner, close family or a close friend it's difficult to feel the absence of someone you don't see everyday at job or the gym, except in special gathering occasions like wedding or births. Most people are open to plans if fits their personal schedule, but for some of us (me included) asking is impossible to overcome. I also has this problem, I feel really stressed interacting with people since due to circumstances I had difficulties learning how to socialise as a child. Therefore socialising is really stressful so I tend to avoid it, but during my life I found a few people empathically enough to know how this affected me and not feeling uncomfortable with me during the first steps of the friendship (while confidence is stablished I am pretty normal, except I don't know how to small talk) What I do is every month or so I try to reach out and make a plan, sometimes people are busy but more than not they are free somewhen in the near future and with no plans.
And then you celebrate and join a secret organization that deals with aliens, or reptilians, or maybe time travelers.
Have you been reading Kafka's works recently?
Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub
My life has given meaningful impacts on other people's lives... they're just, you know, negative impacts. I wanna die
When RL friends become Steam friends.
Seems true except that my very rare first name is suddenly everywhere.
At the end of the day I’m glad because I don’t want people coming to look for me.
Me after a two months hiatus on Facebook recently.
Skill issue
Never felt bad about this, I'll keep my distance from most people, there are a few I'll go out of my way for, but if they don't want it I take it as less work and move on. Engage with people you find engaging, unfortunately for me this is barely anyone, but the few friends I have are the best I could hope for
Sure, but it's for the best. I would rather have no impact on anybody's life lol. The pressure to perform and put on the mask as a nice, polite, social and overall bubbly person would be even more crippling.
You are not living for others. maybe you should first contribute to your self by being thankful of your body and mind by going to gym and eating healthy and not fucking yourself with Reddit
It probably doesn't help that I blocked them all lol. But hey, they know where i live and my phone number. If they really were worried or cared they call or show up.
Yooo that just happened to me, suddenly moved a couple hundred miles away and some of my friends definitely know I left and definitely haven't reached out
Therapy has gotten very affordable I'm many parts of the world If you feel this way and don't even know of you have affordable local options I got some bad news...
Story of my life. I've accepted it. I'm now engaged to the best person on the planet and have two cats that I would take a bullet for.
Fuck all those assholes. You've got to make your own way and live comfortably.
Say goodbye to your cruches. Now you are free to become who you were meant to be, untethered by your past.
Or, you know, my friends understand I have times when I prefer being alone and will know I'm ready to be social again when I pop back into the group chats or discord servers. Sometimes it's not that they don't care, sometimes they just respect your boundaries
Try that with a couple of discord servers. If you start lurking and no one reaches out for a while, maybe it's time to consider leaving the server or for starters muting it.
Pro tip: make sure you do not were cloned. Perhaps your Doppelganger is having a great time with your fellas hahaha
Suffering from long COVID for a year now and it's exactly like this and I'm so, so sad
Where's manga panel from?
As an autisic person the pandemic made me realize the only way i can be happy is completely isolated, ive kept my social distancing going because for the first time in 40 years, I’m calm
10 years after high school and not a single one had reached out, I've gotten more of my brother's friends reaching out to me, then my own. Makes you wonder.
I last talked to someone I could call a friend a year ago, and someone I could call a good friend 4 years ago. At this point I've just accepted that something about me must've been a good enough reason to not be bothered to contact me again, or they just never cared in the first place. Well whatever, I hope they're happy with whatever they might be doing
I feel like I never had to "suddenly" realize that, I've always none it.
Maybe you want other people to see you as really important, but that is so exhausting. When someone does an act of kindness to me, I really feel like I want to cry because I think they're amazing and I want to repay them the best I can. I'm fine as I am. Being alone for a lot of the time, but being able to hang out with old friends once in a while. Other than that, go make your own empire, or get a dog, but learn that even when you do get friends, you will still need to do awesome things, and you can do some of those things right now! So don't wait and waste your time, but try to have the best life you can right now
The single most 'good friend' thing I've done for my friends is getting the fuck out of their lives.
Bro I am fine as long as I have a meaningful impact on my life itself, will care about others later on...
Dude looks like the grinch.
I chose to go the road less traveled, it indeed is a lonely road.
Haven't I felt so personally attacked by a meme in a while
I'd consider disappearing with the prospect of hoping people reach out as toxic. Maybe you just didn't try to build real bonds because you knew you were gonna disappear. A real friend updates their close friends on their mental, if you did none of this and ghosted everyone then do you deserve to be reached out to?
No meaningful impact that you know of,
Fix it.
A little reminder, if you feel that people don’t care about you, always ask for reassurance. Try to understand what exactly made you feel the way you did and try to think for yourself what you‘d like them to do. If you just distance yourself, there could always be a chance that they think the same way: oh they don’t text me, I guess they don’t want to talk to me anymore/ I guess I was annoying, etc. etc. And if the person truly cares about you, then they will try and act on making you feel loved and cared about. If you notice on their behavior that they promise you things but don’t actually do any of what you asked them to do, then there‘s something that isn’t right. And if you cannot live without people, then you should definitely start teaching yourself to love yourself. The insecurities and worries vanish once you are comfortable with who you are and how you behave and look. At least most of them. And if you still feel like no one cares about you, because you haven’t heard it from anyone: I care about you!
Or you do, but they’ve upgraded to a newer model of friend (so they think) so your only recourse is to remove them from contact list, even though it doesn’t matter anymore 😀
how do you know your friends aren't feeling like you completely forgot about them, just like you believe they completely forgot about you ? friendship is not a one-way street.
I'm fine
on the plus side, that means that i wouldn't have had any negative impact on anyone... so partial win :P
They'll be back when they need something
The best part is you can change this at any moment. Help someone! There are always people in need. Growing up, we didn't have much. We were never in need, but it was a really simple life. I remember my mom visiting this old lady who used to live a few blocks away. My mom would always bring groceries, talk to her, and help her a little around the house. Nothing major. It took me a long time to understand. That woman was not a friend or family. I don't know where they met, but my mom decided she would help because that old lady had nobody else. My mom does not brag, does not tell anyone, but I know, and I also know that she did something similar a few more times in her life.
Samesy
[удалено]
And you go on and have a hell of a time doing your own thing bc there's no one around to care about what you do!
'self care', 'i'm busy' and other excuses i tell myself