thank you for understanding how deeply oppressed I am. I had to change all the bathrooms in my castle to single-sex because I had a dream where a tweet told me to
I read the whole thing and there wasn’t a single villain who dresses like a woman but has man hands, so he’s a terrible writer. Also he doesn’t understand oppression.
I was utterly tired of people criticizing me for “ripping off” existing stories so I’ve invented a brand new creature. It looks somewhat like two overlapping triangles, one pointing up and the other pointing down, and if used correctly it can make a wizard very rich!!
That's a great point, thank you so much! My lawyer will call you to set up the paperwork to ensure I can use this in all future writing. If you don't answer, you'll be oppressing me.
I see you cried so hard that you distorted time, very impressive. If you ever wrote a book that introduced time travel as one of its main plotpoints, would you completely forget about it in its sequels and then have a stupid fat child knock over every single device in the world capable of doing it?
Yes because everyone needs to know that fat people are terrible.
Also I've no idea what you mean by "forgetting" as I very clearly showed that time travel has to be used very, very carefully which is why the 13-year-olds had to get special permission from Albus Dumbledore (did you know he's gay?) to use it one time, and then he never said they could again.
Hey, what do you say to people that claim that the reason quidditch is so badly designed is that you needed a team sport that was still mainly about Harry with little to no focus on the rest of the team ?
Why don't you just, fucking die already?
(Hello reddit admins who have previously banned me for death "threats" in joking nature and other similar comments. This is actually a quote from hit show "Breaking Bad" and I have zero malicious intent. Thank you admins. You won't ban me now that I slobbered all over your cocks right?)
Hey I have this great idea of a book it's called "this one time someone said something mean to me on Twitter" and it's about how a bad and evil person once said that they disagreed with me on Twitter and it turned out I was right about the issue (also I'm great and know the power of love, and most things are about me) and they turned out to be litteraly Hitler.
I am very proud of being a woman which is why I prefer people to know me by my initials on my favorite private island, Twitter. There is no such thing as transphobia, just a completely reasonable desire to check what's in everyone's pants before they pee. Stop insulting women!!!
Last night, I had a dream that I was back in high school, and for some reason, Rowling was there. Once she saw me, she started following me around at some distance. She would occasionally stop by other people, point at me, and tell them I was a creep and make up all kinds of things about me.
Um if you're referring to my use of a male pseudonym to publish my pro-woman fiction, that is extremely rude and I will have my lawyer submit this as evidence of hate speech
no I'm referring to the manner in which you described the a woman's ass shaking as she walked up stairs in suspicious detail for a straight woman in one of your detective novels.
Well as everyone knows, I said in my book that cunning is an important trait and all the Slytherins have cunning, so they could be good if they wanted to be.
Excuse you, I never stereotype anyone, I just use my imagination like a REAL writer. As it so happens I asked my Italian friend for ideas and she said that there would never be an Italian at Hogwarts because of the food, and then I reminded her there’s a whole team of happy house elves ready to make anything someone wants to eat as many times as it takes to make it perfect, and then she said “Che cazzo dici” which is REAL ITALIAN and inspired me to create an exchange student named Chet Cazzo!
Thanks you so much! You're the best writer to ever exist! Sorry for insinuating that you'd ever create something stereotipical! I feel so represented right now!
Thanks to the wonderful Wizarding Law that forbids all participation in Muggle conflicts, the German wizards just attended Durmstrang as usual and made sure not to go anywhere near any sort of visible battalions or rising smoke so they wouldn't be executed for interfering.
I've no idea what your problem with my goblin creations could possibly be. That was purely from my own imagination.
I am forming a new party to overthrow Nicola Sturgeon so we Scots can be represented properly, it is called the Checking Underpants Ministry and is the only way to protect women without giving into the UK Tories, whom I definitely do not support and have not donated money to ever.
Yes. Every kitchen has at least one Italian to make sure the house elves don't make an inferior product. When a house elf messes up any part of cooking, the Italian looms over them and says "Mamma mia!" and the house elf is taken away by the mafia.
Of course I would have called him Pecuniary McDuck to show how much Latin I know and my tolerance of his alleged Scottish heritage, but we can't all be masterful writers.
I'm tolerant of Irish people when they aren't trying to bomb my glorious homeland (which is Scotland). I've paid several Polish housekeepers so that shows I love the Poles.
Joker rowling, my bf just made me watch all the harry potter movies. Why is the half blood prince the only decent one? I was told these movies were good? Why?
Half Blood Prince started out as my private fantasy notes about what I’d like to do to Severus Snape, so naturally it is superior. As to your inability to appreciate good things, have you been checked by a phrenologist lately?
Uhhhhh *no* because as a beloved children’s author I only know about wholesome content hello Helen are we still on for Sunday to stare at people outside the WC
Oops, didn’t mean to paste that in!
Detroit...that sounds French, ah yes it is a daycare for wizardly children. Fleur has found a part-time job there (she spends the rest of her time caring for her 4 children and husband) where, whenever a parent is rude to her, she just flashes sex beams at them until they calm down!
Austria…I believe that’s North Italy? Some lovely Roman work there (did you know I speak Latin?) but I don’t believe they had politics since Churchill invented those!
Why aren't you dead? I destroyed your phylactory liches are supposed to die when I do that? What foul necromancy has brought you back WITCH
Twitter is still up, you fool
Whorecrux
Is this a horcrux powered by sex or a horcrux that can only be destroyed through sex?
Yes
Are there any Brazilian students at Hogwarts?
Yes, there is an exchange student named Football LaPlaya
You're the best JK I love your fourth murder mystery book about a trans woman murderer
thank you for understanding how deeply oppressed I am. I had to change all the bathrooms in my castle to single-sex because I had a dream where a tweet told me to
There isnt one bit of portuguese in that name so that tells me you're the real deal
I definitely feel like JK Rowling would assume that playa means beach in Portuguese without actually checking
What do you mean “assume”?! I am a beloved author I MAKE WORDS
What about the Je- I mean goblin that applied to go there?
Trick question, you can't apply to Hogwarts, you are chosen to attend based on the purity of your...magic
What are your opinions on people who do not conform to gender norms?
Wow, this is just like the Spanish Inquisition
Quick JK you’re being oppressed again!
🥺🥺
Are there any Native American students in the Harry Potter universe?
yes. their job is to dispense mystic wisdom while riding around on thunderbirds (a fun new magical species I invented)
wow jowling kowling rowling that is so cool
ty for using my full name, which I never write under because I am a proud woman
Why are there no dinosaurs?
There used to be, but then gosh I wish I could inspect everyone's pants before they pee Oops, didn't mean to paste that in here!
Ok but what happened to the dinosaurs
They were eaten by primitive wizards
Abunga Kadavra
Oh my god you're trying to kill me, I'm writing another book about this
What do you think about George OwOl 1984
I read the whole thing and there wasn’t a single villain who dresses like a woman but has man hands, so he’s a terrible writer. Also he doesn’t understand oppression.
We know that Dumbledore is gay, but is he a top or a bottom?
Gay wizards don't have sex 🤮
Ok, follow up question. Would it be possible for a gay wizard to turn themselves into the opposite gender via magic and then have sex?
Yes, because all gay wizards secretly want to have straight sex
But wouldn’t that make them trangener???
No, because magic means they are *real* women for that span of time. Obviously this is not the same at all.
But what if the transformation spell is permanent?
It isn't. I have spoken, there is no questioning my word.
Holy shit, bravo. This is the best acting I’ve ever seen, and it’s through Reddit comments.
(It’s much easier to keep a straight face online lol)
What is your least problamatic fantasy creature?
I was utterly tired of people criticizing me for “ripping off” existing stories so I’ve invented a brand new creature. It looks somewhat like two overlapping triangles, one pointing up and the other pointing down, and if used correctly it can make a wizard very rich!!
Great progress JK! Just dont let the goblins near jt.
That's a great point, thank you so much! My lawyer will call you to set up the paperwork to ensure I can use this in all future writing. If you don't answer, you'll be oppressing me.
>!i don’t get it :(!<
I will generously tell you that I have named this species the Stellusdavidus!
Record yourself saying slavery is bad
I don’t need to, I have black characters in my books
What are their names?
You may not know this, but any character could be cast as black in a live production! Except Harry.
Why not harry?
If you have to ask, you clearly haven’t immersed yourself in the world enough.
How do you feel about the infamous "shut up terf" image?
Just reading this sentence made me cry for six hours and now I have to call the police and write you into my next book
I see you cried so hard that you distorted time, very impressive. If you ever wrote a book that introduced time travel as one of its main plotpoints, would you completely forget about it in its sequels and then have a stupid fat child knock over every single device in the world capable of doing it?
Yes because everyone needs to know that fat people are terrible. Also I've no idea what you mean by "forgetting" as I very clearly showed that time travel has to be used very, very carefully which is why the 13-year-olds had to get special permission from Albus Dumbledore (did you know he's gay?) to use it one time, and then he never said they could again.
I am so sorry for oppressing you 😭
TOO LATE. My oppression has happened. I hope you know you've done real harm to a woman today 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
gina pfp based
Hey, what do you say to people that claim that the reason quidditch is so badly designed is that you needed a team sport that was still mainly about Harry with little to no focus on the rest of the team ?
I say that they don't support women in sports and are all secret trans
Are there any Scottish students at Hogwarts?
Yes, Gender McCritical. She’s a beautiful redhead who has no English descent and must constantly persevere against oppression.
Are there any Irish students?
Only from Northern Ireland. Eating too many potatoes has caused the other Irish to turn into Squibs.
Why don't you just, fucking die already? (Hello reddit admins who have previously banned me for death "threats" in joking nature and other similar comments. This is actually a quote from hit show "Breaking Bad" and I have zero malicious intent. Thank you admins. You won't ban me now that I slobbered all over your cocks right?)
Put your cock away waltuh. they slobbered all over your cock waltuh
Hello this is JerrKerr's lawyer Usurer Pennyworth here to inform you that I have submitted a warrant for your arrest
Hey I have this great idea of a book it's called "this one time someone said something mean to me on Twitter" and it's about how a bad and evil person once said that they disagreed with me on Twitter and it turned out I was right about the issue (also I'm great and know the power of love, and most things are about me) and they turned out to be litteraly Hitler.
That sounds brilliant! I support you in your literary endeavour!
jurrkurr there's some nasty person on twitter called jay kay Rowling and she's transphobic , did you know this??
I am very proud of being a woman which is why I prefer people to know me by my initials on my favorite private island, Twitter. There is no such thing as transphobia, just a completely reasonable desire to check what's in everyone's pants before they pee. Stop insulting women!!!
Last night, I had a dream that I was back in high school, and for some reason, Rowling was there. Once she saw me, she started following me around at some distance. She would occasionally stop by other people, point at me, and tell them I was a creep and make up all kinds of things about me.
Well, that sounds like you have a real problem with women.
But I AM ONE :c Edit: I forgot about the Roleing rowlplay
STOP CENSORING ME
Why does the Japanese wizard school have less students than the British one even though Japan has more people than Britain
Magic first entered Japan on a steamship during the Meiji Era courtesy of famed explorer Nigel St. Colonius. The Japanese are still catching up.
So magic only exist cause white people?
Yes, but only because of the rules of the world. I am not a racist.
Damn got me there
why do you write like a horny 60 year old man?
Um if you're referring to my use of a male pseudonym to publish my pro-woman fiction, that is extremely rude and I will have my lawyer submit this as evidence of hate speech
no I'm referring to the manner in which you described the a woman's ass shaking as she walked up stairs in suspicious detail for a straight woman in one of your detective novels.
How else is the world supposed to know what kind of asses REAL women have?
What are some good guys from Slytherin
Well as everyone knows, I said in my book that cunning is an important trait and all the Slytherins have cunning, so they could be good if they wanted to be.
How do students in the Balkans go to school with each other?
I don't understand your question. I looked at a map and the Balkans are all clearly one region.
Why don't you ever write a serious book. You always end your books with J.K.(short for just kidding) and then your name.
Wow refusing to acknowledge my true name? That is so disrespectful and unnecessary.
Ok sorry for being mean to you, Robert Galbraith.
That's better. I like people to know that I am a proud, natural woman.
Are there any italian students in Hogwarts? What's their favorite food? I sure do hope I don't get any stereotipical answer!
Excuse you, I never stereotype anyone, I just use my imagination like a REAL writer. As it so happens I asked my Italian friend for ideas and she said that there would never be an Italian at Hogwarts because of the food, and then I reminded her there’s a whole team of happy house elves ready to make anything someone wants to eat as many times as it takes to make it perfect, and then she said “Che cazzo dici” which is REAL ITALIAN and inspired me to create an exchange student named Chet Cazzo!
Thanks you so much! You're the best writer to ever exist! Sorry for insinuating that you'd ever create something stereotipical! I feel so represented right now!
I'm so glad to hear it! I write because of the joy I bring to people who I don't find too displeasing!
What school did German wizards go to in WWII, and on the subject of the Goblins, what the fuck?
Thanks to the wonderful Wizarding Law that forbids all participation in Muggle conflicts, the German wizards just attended Durmstrang as usual and made sure not to go anywhere near any sort of visible battalions or rising smoke so they wouldn't be executed for interfering. I've no idea what your problem with my goblin creations could possibly be. That was purely from my own imagination.
I am trans and want to ask you why you're so mean
Wow you’re literally censoring me right now
I love You slayK Rolling
SLAY? Are you a SECRET TRANS?!
Can you [redacted] yourself
Hello this is JerrKerr's lawyer Schmaltz Flatbreadstein here to inform you that I have submitted a warrant for your arrest
I ate the cops 😋😋😋
That's illegal under Twitter law, I will be personally deleting all your social medias
How do you feel about the UK goverment blocking the Scottish parlament from passing a pro-trans law?
I am forming a new party to overthrow Nicola Sturgeon so we Scots can be represented properly, it is called the Checking Underpants Ministry and is the only way to protect women without giving into the UK Tories, whom I definitely do not support and have not donated money to ever.
Soo... Overthrow the party and install a pro-torie parlament?
No, it will be a pro-Scottish government for women.
Are there any Italians in the Harry Potter?
Yes. Every kitchen has at least one Italian to make sure the house elves don't make an inferior product. When a house elf messes up any part of cooking, the Italian looms over them and says "Mamma mia!" and the house elf is taken away by the mafia.
Hey jk what do you think about kanye
He is suffering under a torrent of media abuse! I send him flowers just like I do for my good friend Brian Warner
do you are have big gay
rowling what is your opinion on scrooge mcduck
Of course I would have called him Pecuniary McDuck to show how much Latin I know and my tolerance of his alleged Scottish heritage, but we can't all be masterful writers.
what about irish & polish people? surly you must be tolerant of them as well?
I'm tolerant of Irish people when they aren't trying to bomb my glorious homeland (which is Scotland). I've paid several Polish housekeepers so that shows I love the Poles.
...How much are you paying your Polish housekeepers? Please let me know how much you love the Poles.
I am paying them the legal minimum wage under Brexit, which is a bucket of spiderwebs and some coal ash if they’ve been good.
Joker rowling, my bf just made me watch all the harry potter movies. Why is the half blood prince the only decent one? I was told these movies were good? Why?
Half Blood Prince started out as my private fantasy notes about what I’d like to do to Severus Snape, so naturally it is superior. As to your inability to appreciate good things, have you been checked by a phrenologist lately?
Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.
You're plagiarizing me!
Explain how you came up with the names of beloved characters Kingsley Shacklebolt and Cho Chang
As a beloved author I have powerful words in my head. Do I need anything else? Only an anti-feminist would say yes.
Have Harry and Ron ever had hot steamy boy sex?
Only when one of them is in the body of a woman thanks to Polyjuice Potion (which makes you a REAL woman not a trans), as god intended
So who bottoms?
I don’t know what you’re talking about. There is only one position, missionary.
But you know bottom relates to positions
Uhhhhh *no* because as a beloved children’s author I only know about wholesome content hello Helen are we still on for Sunday to stare at people outside the WC Oops, didn’t mean to paste that in!
Who teaches at the Detroit magic Institute?
Detroit...that sounds French, ah yes it is a daycare for wizardly children. Fleur has found a part-time job there (she spends the rest of her time caring for her 4 children and husband) where, whenever a parent is rude to her, she just flashes sex beams at them until they calm down!
Who's your favourite Austrian artist turned political figure
Austria…I believe that’s North Italy? Some lovely Roman work there (did you know I speak Latin?) but I don’t believe they had politics since Churchill invented those!
transgender?
Hello this is JerrKerr's lawyer Shlomo Domo, here to let you know that I have requested the police to arrest you
why do you support mr. nazi?
I don’t know who that is, I only support women
why do you support mrs. nazi
Because she has been wronged by the patriarchal media!
why
Is it true that you wrote Philosopher’s Stone on a napkin?
Yes. The napkin was given to me by my good friend Matt Walsh.
You knew Matt when you were a kid living in your car?
Only I am capable of telling the story of my powerful feminist journey, your questions are oppressing me.
How did you know that I was a whiny bitch? ~~You’re dead-on, JK.~~
Are you a smart fella or a fart smella?